Benzo Lies That Have Been Busted

[[Ka...]]

I've just felt cursed since starting benzo withdrawal. Who can tell me that I am not? I've lost both parents during this almost 4 years, had multiple serious health problems related to withdrawal and now diagnosed with cancer. Had Major surgery to remove the cancer almost 2 months ago and still feel very rough. Still have anxiety, tinnitus, burning feet, serious depression and social anxiety. I think most everything can point back to withdrawal issues aside from my parents deaths. That was just a bonus.

 

On the bright side, the cancer is gone for all we know. Do not have to have chemo or radiation at this time but my whole catastrophic way of thinking sometimes, or most of the time makes me think it's just there lurking and could return any time. I know my thinking is all messed up due to the damage benzos caused. I've read on here more than once that even at 7 years off, there are remaining w/d symptoms.

 

How long do I have to wait for this alleged happiness to occur? I guess I am having a down time right now post holidays and major family dysfunction. All I do is cry lately.

 

So are they really lies? I don't know. Please someone say that this nightmare will end, even if I have to be seven years off!

[[Sw...]]

*bump*

[[Ri...]]

 

. . .

 

 

Please someone say that this nightmare will end, even if I have to be seven years off!

 

 

 

Katia -

 

 

 

 

 

This nightmare WILL end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

. . . see my last blog post    River 

[[Ka...]]

Thanks River 

 

I read your last log post. Seems to me that the key to success is having a positive attitude. I'm feeling a tad better today, I realize that my "depression" does have a chemical basis behind it. Some days it's just really bad for no apparent reason. I know that I have come miles from where I began here.

 

Thanks for the encouraging posts!  ;)

 

One day this demon has to let me go!!! 

 

[[Ri...]]

Thanks River 

 

I read your last log post.  Seems to me that the key to success is having a positive attitude.  I'm feeling a tad better today, I realize that my "depression" does have a chemical basis behind it. Some days it's just really bad for no apparent reason. I know that I have come miles from where I began here.

 

Thanks for the encouraging posts!  ;)

 

One day this demon has to let me go!!! 

 

 

 

. . . actually the point I wanted to make was just the opposite -

 

 

. . .  when the symptoms are overwhelming and you are certain that there is no hope keep on going regardless and your healing will come even though you can not believe it.

 

 

 

River 

[[Ri...]]

Because of how our thoughts are colored by the benzo, a positive attitude can be impossible.

 

 

I remember being coached my my friend to think a positive thought and I just could not do it. I tried for 15 minutes and finally gave up.

 

 

This concept is the premise of this thread.

 

 

The dreadful thoughts and feelings we experience are an effect of a chemical storm in our brains.  And just like the sun is temporarily blocked by storm clouds, positive thoughts and feelings are temporarily blocked by the effect of wd - the benzo lie.

 

 

Keep going even though the lies seem real.

 

 

 

River 

[[Ka...]]

Since I did have an episode of severe depression before ever starting on benzos and I was told that it was a chemical imbalance in my brain, I tend to still hang on to that belief. At that time I was in a seriously bad marriage being treated like shite by a moron so that makes sense (not the chemical imbalance). Of course then that took me to a mental health center which led to the psychiatrist starting me on a benzo and a antidepressant. They really helped for a while...until the benzos turned on me.

 

The point of that was to say that since I am definitely in a bad situation NOW, I have really bad days with depression that seems more than normal on my good days. I guess that makes no sense. I do have some days with a positive attitude.

 

I am trying to ask River, as my MD is old school in thought, he gave me an antidepressant to start on (Lexapro) which I have not yet but am seriously considering it. He says it will really help me to sleep...I almost laughed out loud at him. I took that with some success before but not without the benzo to help me sleep. I fear it will jack me up and make me super anxious. I am very sensitive to ALL medications now. I trust him in every other aspect, he is very smart, and I feel very confused about this as he seems to be sold that it is the answer to my depression and insomnia.

 

What are your thoughts on this?

 

Thanks, Katia

[[Ri...]]

Since I did have an episode of severe depression before ever starting on benzos and I was told that it was a chemical imbalance in my brain, I tend to still hang on to that belief. At that time I was in a seriously bad marriage being treated like shite by a moron so that makes sense (not the chemical imbalance). Of course then that took me to a mental health center which led to the psychiatrist starting me on a benzo and a antidepressant. They really helped for a while...until the benzos turned on me.

 

The point of that was to say that since I am definitely in a bad situation NOW, I have really bad days with depression that seems more than normal on my good days. I guess that makes no sense. I do have some days with a positive attitude.

 

I am trying to ask River, as my MD is old school in thought, he gave me an antidepressant to start on (Lexapro) which I have not yet but am seriously considering it. He says it will really help me to sleep...I almost laughed out loud at him. I took that with some success before but not without the benzo to help me sleep. I fear it will jack me up and make me super anxious. I am very sensitive to ALL medications now. I trust him in every other aspect, he is very smart, and I feel very confused about this as he seems to be sold that it is the answer to my depression and insomnia.

 

What are your thoughts on this?

 

Thanks, Katia

 

 

Katia - I'll frame my response within the context of this thread.

 

A seriously bad marriage can stimulate your brain to cause a chemical imbalance.  You are not in that relationship distress now. If it was me, I would  see if I could reframe that belief from 

 

chemical imbalance = depression 

 

to 

 

bad marriage = depression. 

 

 

That would help you to let go of the belief that you are a depressed person that needs to be medicated.

 

You are almost 4 years out and still suffering. At 4 years out I was still suffering.

 

The benzo lie was telling me -    What if it never ends?  What if I'm damaged for life?  and on and on. . .

 

 

Now I'm 4 1/2 years out and feel great.

 

 

Katia - some of us are protracted, and it takes a long time to move out of it.

 

My doctor told me. . .  "For a man your age, 61, our target is 6 medications"

 

I thought WTF ? ? ?    MY  target is  Z E R O !!!      SEE YA!!!

 

 

I love being on Z E R O drugs and I'm very happy with my new life.

 

 

You can be next if you wait long enough and don't listen to those nasty benzo lies.

 

 

 

River 

 

 

 

 

[[Ka...]]

Thanks so much River, so happy that you feel great after 4 1/2 long years, I pray for that relief for myself...and all of our fellow sufferers. 4 1/2 years for me will be approximately July. That is about when I hope to buying a new home. Working on that, slowly. I digress...

 

Not to nit pick but you said, "You can be next if you wait long enough and don't listen to those nasty benzo lies."

 

That sort of implies that it is about remaining positive, looking forward I guess and not letting the benzo lies drag you under. Right? I think so because if you don't have some positive thoughts and keep believing that you will never get better, never drive, never have a social life. You never will. That is a harsh reality in life I think. I do keep pushing to get out and drive, to be around others. It is excruciatingly slow but as long as I can keep doing things and not look back, that is going to be how how I recover after the actual brain damage is improved.

 

I'll shut up now River. Lol

 

Thanks 

 

[[Ri...]]

 

 

Not to nit pick but you said, "You can be next if you wait long enough and don't listen to those nasty benzo lies."

 

That sort of implies that it is about remaining positive, looking forward I guess and not letting the benzo lies drag you under. Right? I think so because if you don't have some positive thoughts and keep believing that you will never get better, never drive, never have a social life. You never will.

 

Thanks 

 

 

I was referring to a thought something like  jeeeez, it's been 4 years, and I'm still not better, I think I need to start an AD.

 

We can't tell you what to do regarding your doctors orders. I can tell you of my experience and what I would do -

 

I would ride it out without more meds unless I was going to ACT on self-destructive thoughts.

 

 

Also, I was not positive at all, and I got better. It wasn't until after I was better that it was possible for me to think positive. I tried, but I couldn't do it.

 

My approach to recovery is to do what you have to do to survive long enough without using psych drugs, if possible, to give your body a chance to adjust to it's pre benzo state. IMO a prescription cascade with all of the side effects is to be avoided.

 

Hope this helps.

 

 

River 

 

 

[[Sw...]]

 

 

 

 

 

Also, I was not positive at all, and I got better. It wasn't until after I was better that it was possible for me to think positive. I tried, but I couldn't do it.

My approach to recovery is to do what you have to do to survive long enough without using psych drugs, if possible, to give your body a chance to adjust to it's pre benzo state. IMO a prescription cascade with all of the side effects is to be avoided.

Hope this helps.

 

 

River 

 

 

 

I like this bit of wisdom.  That is where I am at right now.  Makes sense for us not to get tangled in the pharmacuetical web.

 

Sweet pea

[[Ka...]]

I never thought of letting my poor drug ravaged brain have a break from all the chemicals. A cleanse if you will.

 

That makes such good sense! Thanks River!

[[co...]]

Because of how our thoughts are colored by the benzo, a positive attitude can be impossible.

 

 

I remember being coached my my friend to think a positive thought and I just could not do it. I tried for 15 minutes and finally gave up.

 

 

This concept is the premise of this thread.

 

 

The dreadful thoughts and feelings we experience are an effect of a chemical storm in our brains.  And just like the sun is temporarily blocked by storm clouds, positive thoughts and feelings are temporarily blocked by the effect of wd - the benzo lie.

 

 

Keep going even though the lies seem real.

 

 

 

River 

 

Thanks, RW

 

I needed that today. 

[[He...]]

This thread is terrific, just read the whole thing.  I am in a terrible wave, as bad as the beginning, and I'm approaching 5 years off.  The benzo lies are raging for me right now:

 

I will never get through this

I will not be able to take care of my kids

I will never get my life back

My life will remain limited and small forever

My thinking will never get straight

I will never have a partner

 

yada, yada, yada...

[[Su...]]

Thank You so much for the encouraging post. We need them so much!

[[Ri...]]

Here are some past thoughts that have recently been proven to be a lie;

 

 

My best days are behind me and the good times are over.  Wrong! 

 

Boy was I ever wrong on that one. I'm having some of the best experiences of my life now.  When looking back on where I was during wd it is hard to comprehend the contrast between then and now.

 

 

I will always be alone and never make new friends.

 

Wrong. I am enjoying people again, making wonderful new friends and those social fears are almost completly gone now.

 

 

I will always be thinking about how benzos have stolen 6 years of my life.  Wrong.

 

I rarely think about it - too busy enjoying present time.

 

 

I will never forgive myself for starting on benzos and ruining my life.

 

I'm just living my life and rarely even think of my past benzo problems.

 

 

I will never be able to live somewhere that I love.   Wrong again. 

 

Before my confidence had returned, I took a chance and moved back to Hawaii. What was waiting for me in my new life I could not have imagined. As soon as I got off the plane my life felt different.  None of the scary things that I was worried about happened, it was just the opposite. Wonderful things started happening immediately. Someone gave me a car. An old friend offered a nice place to stay for 2 months until I could get settled. I was thinking I need a refrigerator and someone called me 5 minutes later " I have 2 refrigerators that I need to get out of here - you can have them for free if you pick them up."  Job offers came - and it just keeps getting better and better for me.

 

 

I will never enjoy my life again

 

I love life now. It is difficult to believe that I wanted to end it during wd. I am so glad I survived my benzo induced suicide attempt. All I had to do was wait longer and the brutal suffering would end on its own.

 

 

I will never be happy

 

I'm happier than ever now.

 

 

More benzo lies    BUSTED.

 

 

You can do it too - keep going. . .  and your suffering will end one day. 

 

 

 

River 

[[He...]]

Thanks so much River!!

 

[[bl...]]

Reinstating after 2 weeks will not work or will end in taper of suffering - big fat lie - I have reinstated 6 months after cold turkey and it saved my life back at work after 2 months into taper and recently reinstated and stabilised after 3 months and yo yo dosing now back at work tapering and virtually no withdrawal symptoms again.

[Guest [wi...]]

Thank you so much for this River!  I needed it today.  Your posts offer so much hope. 

[[MT...]]

River, those were the words I needed to hear. My hope tank needed more fuel. Thanks and I'm thrilled for you that your life has turned around in all of those ways.

[[no...]]

*Bump*

[[Co...]]

I love this thread!  Thanks for starting it, River, and for those who have "bumped" it!  I'm looking forward to taking some time to read through it.  One thing we all seem to have in common is the inability to imagine a future or to feel a connection with others.  That's a really evil combo that for me led to a degree of despair that I'd never experienced in the first 50 years of my life.  I distinctly remember when my life started to feel completely hopeless about four years ago.  I was starting to believe I was finally just seeing the truth of my life - but it was a benzo lie! 

 

I'm feeling better already!  A sure sign that I'm healing, and this damage is reversible. 

[[Mo...]]

Bump.

[[co...]]

It just goes on and on and on and on and on…

 

I miss my brain.

[[fr...]]

Among those you all listed, a big fat benzo lie for me was:  if someone doesn't return my call or text, it must mean I've done something wrong or that they hate me and are so sick of my complaints that they dread calling me back.  Also, that my own children despised me because, in my mind, they never call and just don't care. 

 

Such hurtful lies, and I believed it - hook, line, and sinker.

 

The fact is that people get busy and don't have a sense of urgency to return phone calls after an exhausting day, and adult kids get busy with their own lives and don't really think about me all day like I think (obsess) about them.

 

Love this topic.