You will heal too!

[[pa...]]

Hi Hoda and Cedartree,

 

I just stumbled upon this today. I am in the same place you are Hoda. I am 9 months off now, and for the past two months I have been almost back to myself. I thought this was all behind me, and then the past week out of nowhere I am in a wave of anxiety again and the blues. SO FRUSTRATING! It feels like this is never going to completely go away. Like everytime I start to feel hopeful that this is almost over, it comes back to slam me down again :/.

 

I just can't wait for the day that this is all behind me and I am 100% healed. Sometimes it feels like that day will never come.

[[al...]]

You're not crazy Hoda. It really is normal to have this happen, from my experience and from what I've read of so many others who have wd.  All we can do is keep persevering from day to day.  Try to stay positive. You're still healing.

 

 

hi cedartree.did you ever have chills through out your body.like  ac is running through your body.

neck gets cold then chest, gi then pelvis.then hot and clamy.after short walk in am im hot then soon later cold in alternating body parts.broke down and went to er 2 wks ago.all bloodwork okay and ekg.

spasms in neck arms,gi.day 142 off

 

[[...]]

thx ceder iwill do my beast, hi passion yes last 2 months iwas so so normal istart even remember the days iwas sick and say ohh man it was hard dayes here we go before yestarday start anexity and yestarday couldn't sleep felt like cant breath my stomachs muscles hard plus start freak oh god  again iwas like no way

[[ce...]]

Hey Passion. Yeah, it was like that for me too. You think you're doing really well, then bam!  It's how it goes. Eventually you won't have rebound symptoms anymore, take it from me. 

 

Alan, yes, had hot and cold chills to the bone that were not just unpleasant but extremely painful and horrific. One part felt chilled, the other hot, temperature was all over the place. I'm really sorry you're having this too.  All I can tell you is that it won't be forever.  Keep going, it's going to pass.

 

Hang tight Hoda, you'll have more good days again soon! 

 

 

[[al...]]

Hey Passion. Yeah, it was like that for me too. You think you're doing really well, then bam!  It's how it goes. Eventually you won't have rebound symptoms anymore, take it from me. 

 

Alan, yes, had hot and cold chills to the bone that were not just unpleasant but extremely painful and horrific. One part felt chilled, the other hot, temperature was all over the place. I'm really sorry you're having this too.  All I can tell you is that it won't be forever.  Keep going, it's going to pass.

 

Hang tight Hoda, you'll have more good days again soon!

 

 

thanks cedar i am scared

[[sa...]]

Hi Cedar.  Well here I come with my tail between my legs for some reassurance again.  I was doing so well.  For months I had slept almost normally.  Last night I got slammed and today I feel so depressed that I'm frightened for myself.  I'd been holding for about a month because of stress and responsibilities and an event I had to attend.  Now I can't seem to maintain the taper rate that I was doing before the hold.  I'm so scared, I don't want this to happen to my kids again!  Were you depressed during your taper?  How bad was it?  I want to be mentally present for my kids, I don't want them to see me crying and miserable anymore.  I hate this so much!  I know my attitude has taken a turn for the worst.  Severe sleep loss does that to me.  I'm trying so hard to be positive, but the bottom seems to have fallen out.  I thought I would be able to get to the lower doses before this happened. 

 

Sorry for the long post.  I really need to talk to someone who knows about this.  Thank so much for still being here even though you don't have to.  It's such a comfort.

[[ce...]]

Ah Alan, I know it's scary.  I'm so sorry.  :'(

 

Sage, it's so miserable to lose sleep and it's hard to stay positive and feel well when this happens.  I had a miserable time and lost a lot of precious years with my child because of wd.  It was very devastating and I had to have family take care of him beause I couldn't even care for myself most of the time.  So, I can relate the hopeless feeling of wanting to be there for your kids and not being able to.  It makes us feel so powerless.  I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but sometimes we just have to go through these dark times.  When I finally got well after being sick for so long it was sheer joy.  It's going to give you an appreciation for things that you may have never had before.  I am grateful for every single day I'm alive and feel well.  I know what lies ahead for you and I'm excited for you to see the other side.  It's coming.

 

This taper won't last forever.  Just be so good to yourself. Allow yourself to cry.  Your kids will forgive you and love you anyway.  It amazes me how resilient they are.  You'll be able to make it up to yourself and to them (not that you've done anything wrong). 

 

Sending you love and prayers,

Cedar

[[sa...]]

Thank you Cedar!  It's hard to see that there's any way out of this long dark tunnel when you're still in the middle of it.  I felt nearly normal just a couple days ago, and already I don't remember what that feels like.  How strange.

[[ce...]]

Thank you Cedar!  It's hard to see that there's any way out of this long dark tunnel when you're still in the middle of it.  I felt nearly normal just a couple days ago, and already I don't remember what that feels like.  How strange.

This statement is absolutely 100% true.  It is nearly impossible to see your way out when you're in the darkness.  That's why we need to have a little faith in those who've gone before us. I know with certainty that there is a way out for you. And that way out is one miserable day at a time until you've taken your last dose.  Until then it's a maze of ups and down (mostly downs).

 

Anyhow, I know you'll get through this Sage.  You'll do it.  If not for yourself, for your children. 

[[Go...]]

Sage mom

 

I am trudging along this path with you.  We will get through this.  We just need to move forward for now.  One day at a time.  If you had one good day you will have another.  Everytime I have a really bad day a good day is not far behind.

 

Just hang in there.

 

Golden

[[sa...]]

Thank you so much Cedar and golden.  I try hard sometimes to get through this without benzobuddies, but it seems nearly impossible to do on the really bad days.  I slept last night, very happy about that.  But I have a splitting headache this morning.  If it's not one thing it's another.

[[ce...]]

Golden, you have a great attitude about this.  Attitude is everything.  We have to believe that we will heal.

 

Sage, so glad you slept last night. I know that headaches can be bad, but they will pass too.  You really are going to get through this and I can't wait to hear your success story too.

 

Love you guys!  Keep believing!

 

Cedar

[[al...]]

 

 

 

Hi cedartree.did you ever have a burning stinging feeling radiates from left side of chest down to sternum.i had endoscope a few mths ago with the same feeling and thought they find something .but nothing found.also get mucus . feels like i get contractions as well.also get hot and sometimes cold feeling.

thank you

Alan

day 144 off .

if i stopped march 25,2012

sept 25 should be 6 mths right?hoping because many buddies say thats when symptoms let up.

feels same way in back,neck shoulders

 

[[...]]

hii cedar , thx for u my best friend u always make me feel batter when ifeel like iam losing my self

[[al...]]

thanks for any help you can give me on my question

alan

[[Go...]]

You all know that there really is no alternative but forward.  I have no Idea how I got here or how I am going to get through this but I know there is no alternative so we have to keep moving and be as hopeful as possible.

 

My best to all of you.

 

Golden

[[tu...]]

Golden:  That is so very true what you said.  No way out but through is what I always tell myself.  I sometimes wonder if it is time that heals us or the transformation required to endure this experience.  Either way we will heal and be transformed into deeper and more compassionate people.  I also hope that while on this journey I have learned some valuable tools that will help me to handle future stressors and grow deeper spiritually as a person.  One foot in front of the other in the meantime.  Even on the worst days there are things we can do to live fully.  Snuggle our child or dog and dream about better days.  These better days are in the making.  We have to have faith in those that walked this road before us and are kind enough (like cedartree and others) to offer their compassion and wisdom.  They are a lifeline to those of us still struggling.  It is going to be okay.  We will all be healed in time.  We just have to keep on keep'n on in the meantime.

[[sa...]]

Golden:  That is so very true what you said.  No way out but through is what I always tell myself.  I sometimes wonder if it is time that heals us or the transformation required to endure this experience.  Either way we will heal and be transformed into deeper and more compassionate people.  I also hope that while on this journey I have learned some valuable tools that will help me to handle future stressors and grow deeper spiritually as a person.  One foot in front of the other in the meantime.  Even on the worst days there are things we can do to live fully.  Snuggle our child or dog and dream about better days.  These better days are in the making.  We have to have faith in those that walked this road before us and are kind enough (like cedartree and others) to offer their compassion and wisdom.  They are a lifeline to those of us still struggling. It is going to be okay.  We will all be healed in time.  We just have to keep on keep'n on in the meantime.

 

That's one of my affirmations when I'm really low:  it's going to be okay.  For some reason I don't need that one when I'm only mildly symptomatic.  But when I get really bad, I say it over and over and it's calming. 

 

I think the way that we are after this is up to us.  Some people are embittered by the whole thing.  Others learn that every day we spend above ground with the capacity to enjoy life is a huge blessing.

[[tu...]]

sagemom:  I too find it easy to think "it is going to be okay" when I feel pretty good, but on the dizzy/anxiety filled days it is so hard.  My mom recently said something to me I have found very comforting.  When I hit bad waves I worry this is not just w/d.  I worry that I have been broken somehow emotionally (like maybe I had a breakdown or something), even though that doesn't make sense.  Both myself and my family believe this is drug related.  Anyway, I few weeks ago I was relaying this fear yet again to my mom and she said this "it really doesn't matter if it is a breakdown or w/d, either way you will heal, either way you are healing now, neither is fatal and neither is permanent, but it is up to you to helping yourself the best you can everyday to help this process along".  For me that means acceptance, handling the things under my direct control and letting go of the things I can not directly impact (that is a toughie for me) and believing that I am good enough and worthy of love and support even in this condition.  My mom is wise and loving (nobody loves you like your mom) yet tough.  She has had her own tough times and has been knocked down and gotten back up through it all.  She knows of what she speaks.  Those words rang true to me.  Even if my worst fear is true, I can make it better.  And truly, I know it isn't true.  I know how this story played out for me, I know who I am.  I am so much better than I was 6 months ago.  The process is slow, but it is happening.  I just have to be patient and keep walking (crawling) toward my health and happiness.

[[Su...]]

Congratulations Cedartree - your story has encouraged me enormously to fight my symptoms after withdrawing medication for only three weeks so far.  I WILL get there in the end 

[[sa...]]

sagemom:  I too find it easy to think "it is going to be okay" when I feel pretty good, but on the dizzy/anxiety filled days it is so hard.  My mom recently said something to me I have found very comforting.  When I hit bad waves I worry this is not just w/d.  I worry that I have been broken somehow emotionally (like maybe I had a breakdown or something), even though that doesn't make sense.  Both myself and my family believe this is drug related.  Anyway, I few weeks ago I was relaying this fear yet again to my mom and she said this "it really doesn't matter if it is a breakdown or w/d, either way you will heal, either way you are healing now, neither is fatal and neither is permanent, but it is up to you to helping yourself the best you can everyday to help this process along".  For me that means acceptance, handling the things under my direct control and letting go of the things I can not directly impact (that is a toughie for me) and believing that I am good enough and worthy of love and support even in this condition.  My mom is wise and loving (nobody loves you like your mom) yet tough.  She has had her own tough times and has been knocked down and gotten back up through it all.  She knows of what she speaks.  Those words rang true to me.  Even if my worst fear is true, I can make it better.  And truly, I know it isn't true.  I know how this story played out for me, I know who I am.  I am so much better than I was 6 months ago.  The process is slow, but it is happening.  I just have to be patient and keep walking (crawling) toward my health and happiness.

 

That's true turtlegirl, it doesn't matter which it is.  One of my favorite books for encouragement is Hope and Healing for Your Nerves by Claire Weekes, and it's not even about withdrawal, it's about what she calls "nervous illness".  She's seen many people come back from nervous breakdowns.  You can if you really want to and you have someone to show you the way. 

 

I'm crawling today.  It's a bad day.  But I've had so many good days too that I know this will pass and I'll feel better at some point. 

 

Sorry for hijacking Cedar!  And thanks for all your support.

[[ce...]]

 

 

 

Hi cedartree.did you ever have a burning stinging feeling radiates from left side of chest down to sternum.i had endoscope a few mths ago with the same feeling and thought they find something .but nothing found.also get mucus . feels like i get contractions as well.also get hot and sometimes cold feeling.

thank you

Alan

day 144 off .

if i stopped march 25,2012

sept 25 should be 6 mths right?hoping because many buddies say thats when symptoms let up.

feels same way in back,neck shoulders

Hey Alan.  Yeah, I had burning and stinging pretty much all over in every cell of my body.Ugghhhh.  Had hot and cold all the time too that was really painful.  I'm sorry you're this bad off.  It's not going to last forever and I know it's scary.  All you can do is keep on trucking one day at a time.  Try hard to distract yourself as much as you can, okay?

[[ce...]]

Hey there Golden, Turtlegirl, Sage, Hoda!

 

Keep encouraging each other!!! 

 

[[ce...]]

Congratulations Cedartree - your story has encouraged me enormously to fight my symptoms after withdrawing medication for only three weeks so far.  I WILL get there in the end 

Hi SusieJ.  Yes, you will get there in the end.  One day at a time, okay? 

 

Wishing you the best!!!

Cedar

[[...]]

HIIII, iam kinda batter still have anxiety and today felt warm l;ike my body burning but ihad that before and this time was less iam just telling my self its soon couz ihad 2 months normal and that came so ithink it will be good my friends here i trust u all i trust u cedar thats why iam sure its coming soon thx