An experience like no other

[[...]]

I had some free time today, so I just wanted to stop by to say a few words to you kind and courageous folks who may be new here, and to you kind and courageous folks who may have been here for awhile. 

 

Benzo withdrawals are indeed a phenomenon that is so very hard to grasp and so very hard to understand.

 

If your mind is a raging Tornado of emotions, and you feel like a Rag Doll hanging on a clothesline, twisting endlessly in the wind with no way to break free ... you're not alone.  That's how most folks feel when they are suffering from those dreaded Benzo withdrawals.

 

Okay, you're stuck with those terrible withdrawals ... now what do you do?

 

The first thing you should do, if you have not already done so, is to accept those withdrawals, because if you continually fight them, the more tired, and the more weary, and the more hopeless you will become.  And then you will begin to believe that you are never going to heal. 

 

Accept your symptoms, do not fear them. They will not last forever. The harm they do to you is only temporary,(even though in your mind, because the benzos have told you so), you believe that those withdrawal symptoms are permanent, and they are never going to go away.   

 

If you have a cut or a bruise on your body, accepting that you are healing comes easy, because you can visually see the progress of your healing, not so, when it comes to healing from benzo withdrawals.  Even though you cannot always see the healing that is happening to you on the outside, your body continues its silent, and miraculous healing on the inside.     

 

You must accept the fact you are most likely in that group of folks who's bodies, for a whole host of reasons, are ultra - sensitive to many drugs, especially the Benzodiazepine class of drugs.

Because you are overly sensitive to benzos, your Central Nervous System has been injured in a more extreme manner than you or your doctor could have ever imagined that it would be or that it could be. 

You must accept the reality that you are not going to be completely healed until your CNS has completely healed.  And that takes time.   

 

Because of your acceptance, and because of what you have learned, and because of all that you have endured during the healing process, chances are, when you cross that finish line, and you are healed, and your long hard fought journey is finally over, you will be a much wiser, and a much healthier person, both physically and mentally.

 

And then, all the best pieces of your life that have been torn from you by the Benzos, and scattered in so many different directions, will all come rushing back to you, making you whole again.

 

pj

 

Such encouragement PJ, THANK YOU!! I have read thru much of your post and its so good to know this all will end one day. I am going into 9 months now and every single month that goes by I take a deeper breath. In the beginning, its was days, Oh God I tallied the days...then weeks, now finally some good solid months behind me! I am ever so much better, but still some time to go I know.

 

Everything you say is so right on and I thank you too. This has been the most difficult experience of my life. If it takes more than a year, then so be it, as long as I KNOW one day it will all be gone. I had a couple hours today, while doing housecleaning, that I had not thought of benzos, or this ordeal for 2 hours. That was amazing and it felt so good.

 

I can hardly wait until that day comes, where I have not thought about all this for months on end. Have you found for you, as you healed completely, that your consuming thoughts about all this stuff ended?

 

Thank you for coming back and giving us all hope, we thank you! 

magic

 

I appreciate your kind words, magic.  Thank you.

 

What a glorious day it will be for you when you have healed, and your mind is freed from all those anxiety driven thoughts of "Will I Heal?"  "When Will I Heal?" " Why Is It Taking So Long?" "Will I Be Me Again?" "When Will It End? "I Can't Take It Anymore!"

 

After you have healed, you will soon forget all about those negative thoughts that  consumed every minute, of every day in your life for such a very long time.  It may take a little while for you to forget, because withdrawals are a very traumatic, life-changing experience that cannot be easily forgotten in a day or two.

 

But you will forget.  After you have healed, life takes on a whole new meaning as you transition from your unreal world of withdrawals, to your real world of no withdrawals.

 

Many wonderful things begin to happen to you, because

 

you will be the REAL you again ... you will no longer be the UNREAL you, someone who was created by the benzos.

 

I love your positive attitude

 

By accepting your withdrawals for what they are ... a temporary, painful disruption in your life, that you are going to heal from, it is evident that you have come to terms with the whole process, and this in turn will lessen your anxiety, and decrease your stress ... allowing you to do, as you mentioned ... household chores, and other things without constantly dwelling on withdrawals.  Being  busy is a great deterrent to keep from over-obsessing about withdrawals.

 

When we human beings, who tend to worry too much about everything, stop worrying about the things that we have no control over, life just seems so much better, and that much sweeter. 

 

I sincerely wish you the very best.

 

pj

[[...]]

This success story is truly sublime. What a pleasure it was to read!

 

Thank you, Leo

[[...]]

Hi PJ 

 

I was just wondering if you suffered joint and muscle pain. I know my recovery is taking longer than yours, however my pain is so bad sometimes it makes me wonder if it's something esle. It really gets me down and just hope it will go away.

 

[[ml...]]

Thank you pj, your so kind and encouraging. I believe every word you said! God is an amazing God and I know without a doubt, he has carried me. I was so ignorant. I had NO IDEA what benzos were, or their power. I know God met me in that ignorance and when I was so desperate and ready to stop taking them, he rescued me. I did not know a taper was the right way to go. I had a very brutal and barbaric CT wd. I know he saved me, so I also know I will make it the rest of the way.

 

This experience has taught me many things and for that I am grateful. Now to fully get to the other side, stronger physically and mentally and without this trauma in the forefront of my mind.

 

magic

[[...]]

Hi PJ 

 

I was just wondering if you suffered joint and muscle pain. I know my recovery is taking longer than yours, however my pain is so bad sometimes it makes me wonder if it's something esle. It really gets me down and just hope it will go away.

 

Hi marj,

 

Gee wizz, marj.  You sure don't need all that pain.  I know it gets you down, but keep hanging in there, because one day all that pain will be gone.  Having had lots of joint, and muscle pain, I understand what you are going through, and I  sympathize with you.

 

Some of my first symptoms, and my longest lasting symptoms were muscle pain, muscle stiffness, and joint pain. 

 

There were days when my neck would be so stiff, and so painful that I had to turn my whole body around to look behind me.  There were times when I would be walking and my right ankle would get stiff, and lock up, (how crazy is that?) My right shoulder was so painful that I had to sleep on my left side for almost fifteen months.   

 

When I didn't see any improvement for a long time, like you, I too often wondered if what was going on with me was something other than withdrawals.  I would wonder and I would worry ... But, it was all withdrawals, because all that muscle and joint stuff disappeared, and never came back. 

 

If you ever do get some symptom that you suspect may not be related to withdrawals, for your peace of mind, do not hesitate to see a doctor.     

 

Have a nice weekend, marj and try not to worry too much, because those symptoms will not last forever.  I know it seems like they will ... but they won't.

 

pj

[Guest [ho...]]

Hello again Pj,

  Hoping for a bit of advice again. I've been having a terrible time for at least 3 weeks now. I'd say this has been my worst wave yet since the first 3 weeks of acute. I'd call this more of a tsunami, not a wave. It's been horrific. I don't need to explain it all but the insomnia is as bad as it's ever been and I'm really struggling. Feeling so discouraged and scared and confused. This 6th month off is way worse than my first five and the longest wave I've ever encountered. Did you have anything like this happen? I guess I just assumed that each passing month would get a little easier, not harder. Typically my waves lasted a week or so in the past. Not 3!! What is happening? Have you heard of this happening to anyone? The insomnia is so similar to acute that it's literally killing me. The anxiety is way revved up too, probably due to the lack of sleep. I hope this tsunami comes crashing down soon leaving me with some peace. I feel like I've taken 100 steps back and I don't feel this easing up at all. I'm devastated and confused. Any thoughts? Or advice?

Thank you Pj,

Hope

[[Le...]]

Dear sir,

 

As I continue tobrrad this thread and your subsequent responses to all I cant help but ask a humble question

 

How does it feel to have surpassed such a profound experience as this one? I for one despise this withdrawal situation, therebare time where it scares me to think my mind has somehow been broken and wish to never mention the word benzo or withdrawal forever.

 

It must feel great to be able to help so many people who seek your advice or help. There is a special place in heaven for you, you probably will never know how many people are reading this thread whom you have helped immensely with your story.

 

Thank you

 

Leo

[[...]]

Hello again Pj,

  Hoping for a bit of advice again. I've been having a terrible time for at least 3 weeks now. I'd say this has been my worst wave yet since the first 3 weeks of acute. I'd call this more of a tsunami, not a wave. It's been horrific. I don't need to explain it all but the insomnia is as bad as it's ever been and I'm really struggling. Feeling so discouraged and scared and confused. This 6th month off is way worse than my first five and the longest wave I've ever encountered. Did you have anything like this happen? I guess I just assumed that each passing month would get a little easier, not harder. Typically my waves lasted a week or so in the past. Not 3!! What is happening? Have you heard of this happening to anyone? The insomnia is so similar to acute that it's literally killing me. The anxiety is way revved up too, probably due to the lack of sleep. I hope this tsunami comes crashing down soon leaving me with some peace. I feel like I've taken 100 steps back and I don't feel this easing up at all. I'm devastated and confused. Any thoughts? Or advice?

Thank you Pj,

Hope

Hello hope,

 

What you are experiencing has happened to me and to hundreds and hundreds of other people.  There were many times when I would get a long window, and then along would come a wave and knock me back to square one again.  I would have waves that lasted a day or waves that lasted a month.  The healing process is like making sausage ... it stinks!

 

It doesn't matter what month you are in, those windows and waves are as unpredictable, as they are discouraging.  I know that you want to be done with all this, and when you have such a long wave without any relief, things begin to look bleak, and you start to lose hope and you become discouraged.

 

Believe it or not, even during those prolonged waves, you are still healing.  You cannot see or feel that healing, that is why it is so confusing and so hard to understand. 

 

There were so many times when I didn't see any noticeable progress in my healing that it made me question if a person ever really heals.  But, here I am healed, and happy. 

 

When you are feeling as you are today, I know that it is hard for you to find any solace or comfort from mere words, when what you really need is the pain, and the distress to stop.  It's times like this when you have to be stronger, and tougher, and more believing than you have ever been before.

 

You are going to be okay.  You are going to get through this, and you are going to heal. 

 

When Insomnia robs you of your sleep, nothing makes much sense, and you lose your motivation.  I know this all too well, having no meaningful sleep for almost thirty days after I went cold turkey.  Try and take your mind off of withdrawals by doing some things that you enjoy and are distracting.  If you find it hard to concentrate, try going for a long walk and focus on all the beauty in nature, and let any thoughts of withdrawals just float away and disappear in the clouds.

 

pj       

[[...]]

Thank you pj, your so kind and encouraging. I believe every word you said! God is an amazing God and I know without a doubt, he has carried me. I was so ignorant. I had NO IDEA what benzos were, or their power. I know God met me in that ignorance and when I was so desperate and ready to stop taking them, he rescued me. I did not know a taper was the right way to go. I had a very brutal and barbaric CT wd. I know he saved me, so I also know I will make it the rest of the way.

 

This experience has taught me many things and for that I am grateful. Now to fully get to the other side, stronger physically and mentally and without this trauma in the forefront of my mind.

 

magic

 

Hi magic

 

You say you were ignorant.  I say you were innocent. 

 

You were given a drug known as a Benzodiazepine.  You took that tiny, harmless looking pill without reservation, because you trusted your doctor, something we have been instructed to do since childhood.   

 

But, this time, because of your doctors lack of knowledge when it comes to benzos (an issue that needs to be more thoroughly addressed, and acted upon by members of the medical profession)  your doctor, not really meaning to, let you down. 

 

Your doctor let you down, because you were not told that benzos, for most people, should be taken for less than two weeks.  You were not told that benzos are a powerful, addicting drug.  You were not told that when quitting benzos, you must taper off of them.  You were not told about the terrible side-effects associated with benzos, such as withdrawals, and how painful and debilitating they could be.

 

Magic, you were not ignorant, your doctor was ignorant.   

 

Your doctor was not purposely ignorant, but because most doctors are not educated to the extent that they need to be when it comes to prescribing, and explaining to their patients the downside of taking benzos, too many people, through no fault of their own do a devastatingly harmful cold turkey.

 

You wanted so badly to stop taking a drug that was affecting you in so many negative ways.

 

And, what does one do when they want to stop doing something that is hurting them?  Commonsense would dictate that they stop doing it, and that is what you did.  You went cold turkey, and you were traumatized in ways that you could never have imagined.

 

You are a strong person.  Your strength of character, and your never-ending  faith will guide you to the other side.  You will be healed ... spiritually, mentally, and physically, you will be healed ... ready to begin a new chapter in the Book of Life.

 

Have a very nice day 

 

pj

[[Le...]]

Wow pj...

 

You are a wonderful human being. I am in the wave of waves and just reading your insighrful responses calms me down and gives me hope.

 

Just wanted to say so and bump your thread so that others can be guided by this beacon.

[[ml...]]

Hi pj,

 

Had a question, did you have tinnitus? I seem to have developed this background ear "buzzing" similar to a pitchy white noise sound in my head. Its 24/7. It started after my pressure headaches and ear pressure ebated, started this last month. It is not severe, its just constant. Im certainly ignoring it the best I can. I guess this head "stuff" that just continues on, is our brain doing what is needed to heal and restore. I have to look at it that way. Whats the alternative right?

[[...]]

Dear sir,

 

As I continue tobrrad this thread and your subsequent responses to all I cant help but ask a humble question

 

How does it feel to have surpassed such a profound experience as this one? I for one despise this withdrawal situation, therebare time where it scares me to think my mind has somehow been broken and wish to never mention the word benzo or withdrawal forever.

 

It must feel great to be able to help so many people who seek your advice or help. There is a special place in heaven for you, you probably will never know how many people are reading this thread whom you have helped immensely with your story.

 

Thank you

 

Leo

 

Hi Leo,

 

You asked: How does it feel to have surpassed such a profound experience as this one?

 

Leo, it's hard to find the right words to describe how I felt  when I knew that I had completely recovered from my benzo experience.  The best analogy that I can come up with is that if I took the best days of my life and lumped them all together, it still would not equal the adulation and the joy that I felt on that glorious day when I proclaimed myself healed. 

 

Helping someone does make me feel good, but what would make me feel even better, is if people were no longer being ravaged by benzos and a site like this would not have to exist.

 

Thankfully, this unique site does exist, and because it exists, many folks who may have no support or understanding of what they are going through from their family or their friends, can come here and begin to heal.  And they can do this in a safe, and secure, nonjudgemental environment, where compassion, kindness, and understanding abound.

 

You are not alone in thinking as you do.  Many folks never want to see or hear anything related to benzos ever again.  They were traumatized by their experience, much like a soldier is traumatized by their presence on a battle field. 

 

Leo, perhaps you may have noticed that proportionately to the thousands of members that this site has embraced since it's founding, the number of success stories is rather miniscule.  I would imagine this is because many folks, once they have healed, they just fade away from here, not wanting to ever again relive any part of their horrible benzo experience.

 

Thank you for your kind words, Leo.  If there is indeed a special place for me in Heaven, you will be sitting right beside me.

 

The very best to you.

 

pj

[[Le...]]

Thank you so much.....thank you sir.....

[[Le...]]

Pj

 

Sorry for the brief response earlier.. I literally needed to compose myself after reading that. It was beautiful and honestly had changed my perception on recovery. We owe it to ourselves, loved ones and fellow buddies to remain as positive as can be in the face of this vortex. If the day comes where I can be rid of this thing my main mission will be the make someone feel how you have made me feel this afternoon...

 

I truly wish beauty and peace in your life and may the next time you ride a Harley be one of pure beauty. Just you, the sky, the road and the bike.

 

(oh oh, here come my waterworks!)

 

Leo

 

[[...]]

Hi pj,

 

Had a question, did you have tinnitus? I seem to have developed this background ear "buzzing" similar to a pitchy white noise sound in my head. Its 24/7. It started after my pressure headaches and ear pressure ebated, started this last month. It is not severe, its just constant. Im certainly ignoring it the best I can. I guess this head "stuff" that just continues on, is our brain doing what is needed to heal and restore. I have to look at it that way. Whats the alternative right?

 

 

Hi magic

 

It's a little after six in the morning where I'm at.  I wanted to get back to you before I begin my busy day.

 

Thankfully, tinnitus is one symptom that I did not have. I did have a lot of head stuff going on though, consisting of lots of pressure, and a feeling that my ears were filled with concrete, because they would be plugged up so bad.

 

You may want to try a white noise machine to help you sleep a little better at night.  It tends to make the tinnitus less bothersome. If you're not familiar with these, what they are is a device that produces sounds like falling rain or ocean waves.

 

The head stuff, like all of your other symptoms, is just another very annoying, and disruptive assault on your physical and mental well-being.  And in time, the tinnitus will go away, just like some of your other symptoms have.

The brain works very fast when sending and receiving signals to the many parts of our body that keep us alive and moving, but when it comes to repairing benzo damage, the brain prefers to move at a snails pace, because it wants to get it right.

 

Be patient, stay positive. and before too much longer, it will be all over.

 

pj

 

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

Pj

 

Sorry for the brief response earlier.. I literally needed to compose myself after reading that. It was beautiful and honestly had changed my perception on recovery. We owe it to ourselves, loved ones and fellow buddies to remain as positive as can be in the face of this vortex. If the day comes where I can be rid of this thing my main mission will be the make someone feel how you have made me feel this afternoon...

 

I truly wish beauty and peace in your life and may the next time you ride a Harley be one of pure beauty. Just you, the sky, the road and the bike.

 

(oh oh, here come my waterworks!)

 

Leo

 

 

Leo, my friend ... you are a class act.

[[ml...]]

Hi pj,

 

Had a question, did you have tinnitus? I seem to have developed this background ear "buzzing" similar to a pitchy white noise sound in my head. Its 24/7. It started after my pressure headaches and ear pressure ebated, started this last month. It is not severe, its just constant. Im certainly ignoring it the best I can. I guess this head "stuff" that just continues on, is our brain doing what is needed to heal and restore. I have to look at it that way. Whats the alternative right?

 

 

 

Thank YOU pj...your a doll and a very caring and special person to give back the way you have. I am looking forward to the day, I too am fully healed and can give back to this suffering community. The healed here, that have gone thru this hell, are the only ones that understand. Dr's dont get it, no one gets it, but all of us. SO thankful!

 

I would say the ear stuff I have going on, is more of a constant, listening to a seashell kind of sound inside my head.

You know...that sound we hear, when we listen to the inside of a seashell? Thats the only way I can describe it. Nothing screaming, thank God, just a constant. Thank you for your suggestions.

 

I too had horrific pressure in the ears, sinuses, and in the head for months straight. I thought I had a tumor, or worse. I hung on, just knowing the odd feeling it was and the sudden onset one day, while I was in my kitchen, had to be part of this deal. It came on at 3 months and really just started easing up about a month ago. I still get it mildly at times, so the seashell "sound" is yes, surely all a part of this head gunk! Arrrggg...

 

I will continue to thank God for how far I am and will push on to the finish line! This deal sure aint' for wimps and we are one tough lot here doing this recovery! 

 

God bless you BB pj 

magic

 

Hi magic

 

It's a little after six in the morning where I'm at.  I wanted to get back to you before I begin my busy day.

 

Thankfully, tinnitus is one symptom that I did not have. I did have a lot of head stuff going on though, consisting of lots of pressure, and a feeling that my ears were filled with concrete, because they would be plugged up so bad.

 

You may want to try a white noise machine to help you sleep a little better at night.  It tends to make the tinnitus less bothersome. If you're not familiar with these, what they are is a device that produces sounds like falling rain or ocean waves.

 

The head stuff, like all of your other symptoms, is just another very annoying, and disruptive assault on your physical and mental well-being.  And in time, the tinnitus will go away, just like some of your other symptoms have.

The brain works very fast when sending and receiving signals to the many parts of our body that keep us alive and moving, but when it comes to repairing benzo damage, the brain prefers to move at a snails pace, because it wants to get it right.

 

Be patient, stay positive. and before too much longer, it will be all over.

 

pj

[[ml...]]

oops, I messed that reply up. I'll blame it on my crazy head! lol 

[[...]]

To keep from going insane, it helps to be a little crazy in the head, so you're okay ... crazy head and all

[[...]]

Hi pj,

 

Had a question, did you have tinnitus? I seem to have developed this background ear "buzzing" similar to a pitchy white noise sound in my head. Its 24/7. It started after my pressure headaches and ear pressure ebated, started this last month. It is not severe, its just constant. Im certainly ignoring it the best I can. I guess this head "stuff" that just continues on, is our brain doing what is needed to heal and restore. I have to look at it that way. Whats the alternative right?

 

 

 

Thank YOU pj...your a doll and a very caring and special person to give back the way you have. I am looking forward to the day, I too am fully healed and can give back to this suffering community. The healed here, that have gone thru this hell, are the only ones that understand. Dr's dont get it, no one gets it, but all of us. SO thankful!

 

I would say the ear stuff I have going on, is more of a constant, listening to a seashell kind of sound inside my head.

You know...that sound we hear, when we listen to the inside of a seashell? Thats the only way I can describe it. Nothing screaming, thank God, just a constant. Thank you for your suggestions.

 

I too had horrific pressure in the ears, sinuses, and in the head for months straight. I thought I had a tumor, or worse. I hung on, just knowing the odd feeling it was and the sudden onset one day, while I was in my kitchen, had to be part of this deal. It came on at 3 months and really just started easing up about a month ago. I still get it mildly at times, so the seashell "sound" is yes, surely all a part of this head gunk! Arrrggg...

 

I will continue to thank God for how far I am and will push on to the finish line! This deal sure aint' for wimps and we are one tough lot here doing this recovery! 

 

God bless you BB pj 

magic

 

Hi magic

 

It's a little after six in the morning where I'm at.  I wanted to get back to you before I begin my busy day.

 

Thankfully, tinnitus is one symptom that I did not have. I did have a lot of head stuff going on though, consisting of lots of pressure, and a feeling that my ears were filled with concrete, because they would be plugged up so bad.

 

You may want to try a white noise machine to help you sleep a little better at night.  It tends to make the tinnitus less bothersome. If you're not familiar with these, what they are is a device that produces sounds like falling rain or ocean waves.

 

The head stuff, like all of your other symptoms, is just another very annoying, and disruptive assault on your physical and mental well-being.  And in time, the tinnitus will go away, just like some of your other symptoms have.

The brain works very fast when sending and receiving signals to the many parts of our body that keep us alive and moving, but when it comes to repairing benzo damage, the brain prefers to move at a snails pace, because it wants to get it right.

 

Be patient, stay positive. and before too much longer, it will be all over.

 

pj

oops, I messed that reply up. I'll blame it on my crazy head! lol 

 

magic,

 

You said: "This deal sure ain't for wimps!  Magic, with those profound words, I declare you the winner of the 'Best Phrase of the Day' contest

 

Your wanting to come back after you have healed ... to encourage others who are struggling with withdrawals, would be gratefully appreciated by lots of people who ... more, than anything else, need lots encouragement, and lots of reassurance. 

They need to know that they will heal from all of the insane pain, and non-stop anxiety that the benzos have

heaped upon them.

 

pj

[[Le...]]

Pj-

 

Quick question; did you ever wake up in the middle of the with your bidy in an anxious state? Since last night I felt like my body was anxious yet my mind was pretty normal. Granted, I know I am still in this wierd phase but, it is something new. Its like my brain didnt get the memo or simply didnt care.

 

Wierd..

[[ml...]]

Hi pj,

 

Had a question, did you have tinnitus? I seem to have developed this background ear "buzzing" similar to a pitchy white noise sound in my head. Its 24/7. It started after my pressure headaches and ear pressure ebated, started this last month. It is not severe, its just constant. Im certainly ignoring it the best I can. I guess this head "stuff" that just continues on, is our brain doing what is needed to heal and restore. I have to look at it that way. Whats the alternative right?

 

 

 

Thank YOU pj...your a doll and a very caring and special person to give back the way you have. I am looking forward to the day, I too am fully healed and can give back to this suffering community. The healed here, that have gone thru this hell, are the only ones that understand. Dr's dont get it, no one gets it, but all of us. SO thankful!

 

I would say the ear stuff I have going on, is more of a constant, listening to a seashell kind of sound inside my head.

You know...that sound we hear, when we listen to the inside of a seashell? Thats the only way I can describe it. Nothing screaming, thank God, just a constant. Thank you for your suggestions.

 

I too had horrific pressure in the ears, sinuses, and in the head for months straight. I thought I had a tumor, or worse. I hung on, just knowing the odd feeling it was and the sudden onset one day, while I was in my kitchen, had to be part of this deal. It came on at 3 months and really just started easing up about a month ago. I still get it mildly at times, so the seashell "sound" is yes, surely all a part of this head gunk! Arrrggg...

 

I will continue to thank God for how far I am and will push on to the finish line! This deal sure aint' for wimps and we are one tough lot here doing this recovery! 

 

God bless you BB pj 

magic

 

Hi magic

 

It's a little after six in the morning where I'm at.  I wanted to get back to you before I begin my busy day.

 

Thankfully, tinnitus is one symptom that I did not have. I did have a lot of head stuff going on though, consisting of lots of pressure, and a feeling that my ears were filled with concrete, because they would be plugged up so bad.

 

You may want to try a white noise machine to help you sleep a little better at night.  It tends to make the tinnitus less bothersome. If you're not familiar with these, what they are is a device that produces sounds like falling rain or ocean waves.

 

The head stuff, like all of your other symptoms, is just another very annoying, and disruptive assault on your physical and mental well-being.  And in time, the tinnitus will go away, just like some of your other symptoms have.

The brain works very fast when sending and receiving signals to the many parts of our body that keep us alive and moving, but when it comes to repairing benzo damage, the brain prefers to move at a snails pace, because it wants to get it right.

 

Be patient, stay positive. and before too much longer, it will be all over.

 

pj

oops, I messed that reply up. I'll blame it on my crazy head! lol 

 

magic,

 

You said: "This deal sure ain't for wimps!  Magic, with those profound words, I declare you the winner of the 'Best Phrase of the Day' contest

 

Your wanting to come back after you have healed ... to encourage others who are struggling with withdrawals, would be gratefully appreciated by lots of people who ... more, than anything else, need lots encouragement, and lots of reassurance. 

They need to know that they will heal from all of the insane pain, and non-stop anxiety that the benzos have

heaped upon them.

 

pj

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hahahahahahahaha...I LOVE it! I accept the trophy for a day! 

 

Yes, I have a desire now to help others. I am healed enough to see the beautiful light of life before me now and I know it will get better each month that passes. I have stopped looking at days, as I did in the beginning.

You know how that is, during acute, it was seconds, then a few minutes and then an hour if you could only make it thru.

Suffering and fear beyond my comprehension. When my first week, then weeks, then months passed, I felt I was going to live. We all know what kind of personal hell this has been. My dad and my brother were dying simultaneously right in the throws of acute. I cannot ever describe the horror, the shock, the inability to process it all. Dear God, I am grateful for his help and carrying me thru this time. I was a zombie and in absolute terror at their funerals. I just faked it thru, it was pure survival. I could not even process their deaths. I am still processing their deaths and going thru the grieving. I kept it all secret while they were both on hospice what I was going thru. There was no way, I was letting them leave earth and spend their last days and hours worried over me.

They died exactly 3 weeks apart from each other and I was on the roller coaster ride of my life. I will never be the same, but what I am now, is a stronger person, that survived this whole experience. I am grateful.

 

I feel the pain for the people fresh into this experience. Its a barn-burning, life-altering, come to Jesus moment in life!

Wholly mackerel, get out your boxing gloves, cause this deal is goin' the full 12 rounds! 

 

I hope I can help in some small way. I am still an amateur when compared to you seasoned benzo vets! I am very excited for the rite of passage that for me, is 12 full months. There is something special about the 1 year mark I think. Im getting so close. 

I know most that are healed go on and don't ever come back here. Reading thru the success stories, you see the healed ones and so many, you click on their last post and some are years ago. They have gone on and living their healed life again. That in itself, is a testimony of success and in this case, so glad to never hear from them again.

 

I know people need this place, because I was totally ignorant and a week into CT when the category 5 hurricane hit with full force!

I found this place in the middle of one of my greatest nights of torture and I finally knew what was wrong with me. So, I hope I can help ease someone else's despair when all they have in the world facing this, is BB.

 

[[ml...]]

Pj-

 

Quick question; did you ever wake up in the middle of the with your bidy in an anxious state? Since last night I felt like my body was anxious yet my mind was pretty normal. Granted, I know I am still in this wierd phase but, it is something new. Its like my brain didnt get the memo or simply didnt care.

 

Wierd..

 

 

 

Hi leo...I know I'm not pj and he will have an amazing answer I know!

 

I hope I can help in telling you that yes, what you are feeling is normal for wd. I still at 9 months have this issue, although it is very manageable now. Waking up and going to sleep seem to be a very sensitive time for the CNS in this healing.

 

I had the chest "rushes" so BAD I thought I would die. Now they just irritate the heck out of me and go away after I stretch in bed and get up. I also had intense anxiety attacks in the middle of the night. It was really a challenge for a while to understand and help myself work THRU it, instead of panic and then hours to reign it back in.

 

One of the biggest things that have helped me when they were bad and still can come on occasionally, is breathing the 7-5-8 way.

Its 7 counts breathing in thru the nose deeply. Hold for 5 seconds, then breath out thru mouth slowly for the count of 8, all the way till you see your belly go in. Do this about 4-5 times, with a few good seconds of normal breathing between each set. This now takes the place of the poison benzos. Getting off these things is one thing, STAYING off of them is another. 

 

New stress management solutions!

 

Breathing and also in my mind, picturing something really peaceful and beautiful has really helped. I play ocean waves, rain, whatever relaxes me on my phone in bed a lot. It calms me in a few minutes and I go back to sleep, where as before, I was up outta that bed, freaked out and in full panic and ready to call 911.

 

All these crazy chemicals make everything go haywire for a while, but it will eventually all peter out and lose its thunder.

 

God bless 

[[...]]

Hi Leo,

 

You asked: Did you ever wake up in the middle of the night with your body in an anxious state?

 

Yes, I have, many times.  I think most people have.   

 

Magic gave a very good response to your question.

 

My answer to you is not very amazing as magic suggested that it may be.  All I can add is that during withdrawals,  there is no such thing as 'normal, and the strangest, and the weirdest things can happen ... with no rhyme or reason as to why they happen.  We can wonder, and ponder, and worry for the longest time, and  we will still never have all the answers as to the how and the why benzos do to us what they do to us. 

 

The best to you.

 

pj

[[...]]

Hi magic,

 

All the heartache and heartbreak that you have gone through, serves as a reminder to all of us just how fragile, and uncertain life can be.

 

Your strength, and your courage in the face of overwhelming adversity serves as a reminder to all of us that when life stacks the deck against us, we can be stronger than we ever imagined that we could be.

 

Peace and happiness to you

 

pj