An experience like no other

[[An...]]

PJ, I know you were answering cindys but I just want to say thank you so much for responding on this thread to those of us still walking this arduous and long road. I am grateful, so grateful. I have had times where I've been so scared and tricked by my brain that I have sometimes worried that all of the success stories are fake. I know it makes no sense, just a paranoid thought thanks to withdrawal. But I just feel like because you answer and just re-reading your story I know you're real. It's hard, so hard to believe healing really happens. Thank you PJ, I am definitely clinging to the hope you give here 

[[ci...]]

PJ, thank you so much for your kind words and guidance you have provided me through out this healing journey. I first reached out to you in July 2014, I was full of fear, and physical pain was so intense, I just did not think I could make it. But then I read your story, and you too suffered from ambien WD, I could identify with you, and you answered my post and told me I could make it, that I would ok, and I believed you. And I read all your 3,800 posts, every one of them, at 3am, 4am, you were with me in those dark scary times......all I can say is Thank you. I hope when I completely heal, that I can be as strong as you are and reach out to other BBs still suffering.

 

Always, Cindy

[[...]]

PJ, I know you were answering cindys but I just want to say thank you so much for responding on this thread to those of us still walking this arduous and long road. I am grateful, so grateful. I have had times where I've been so scared and tricked by my brain that I have sometimes worried that all of the success stories are fake. I know it makes no sense, just a paranoid thought thanks to withdrawal. But I just feel like because you answer and just re-reading your story I know you're real. It's hard, so hard to believe healing really happens. Thank you PJ, I am definitely clinging to the hope you give here 

 

You're welcome Angelprint

 

I just pinched myself (ouch!) I'm real! 

 

It's hard to believe that healing really happens, because as much as you want to believe that healing happens (and no matter how many times a day someone is assured that healing happens) they still have a hard time believing that healing happens; not because they don't want to believe it - but because the benzos trick you, and tell you - nope, healing will not happen. 

 

That's what benzos do - they turn positive thoughts into negative thoughts.  But you will have the last laugh when you ARE completely healed - and Mr. Benzo, the snake that he is, crawls back under the rock from whence he came.

 

Peace and happiness to you.

 

pj 

 

[[...]]

PJ, thank you so much for your kind words and guidance you have provided me through out this healing journey. I first reached out to you in July 2014, I was full of fear, and physical pain was so intense, I just did not think I could make it. But then I read your story, and you too suffered from ambien WD, I could identify with you, and you answered my post and told me I could make it, that I would ok, and I believed you. And I read all your 3,800 posts, every one of them, at 3am, 4am, you were with me in those dark scary times......all I can say is Thank you. I hope when I completely heal, that I can be as strong as you are and reach out to other BBs still suffering.

 

Always, Cindy

 

You're welcome, cindys and thank you.  You are very kind  

 

Wow! That's amazing - reading all those posts must have taken you quite a long time. 

 

Knowing that some of my posts helped you during your darkest hours makes my heart want to do a happy dance, because I truly believe that helping  someone in their time of need is the true meaning of life, and gives purpose to that life.

 

May all your days be as peaceful and serene as a beautiful Rocky Mountain sunset.

 

pj

[[pa...]]

Hello my dear BB friend PJ,

 

I come back to see how ones are traveling, and of course, always stop by then to check your thread.  As always, you are a steward of strength and hope to one and all.  Blessings always for and to you my dear PJ...

 

Love you, Patty

[[...]]

Hi there! pattylu,

 

I've been hangin' round this thread for so long that I'm beginning to feel like a used up bobbin on an old Singer sewing machine

 

Pattylu, my heart goes out to you folks in California.  The drought must be quite a hardship, and of great concern for everyone who lives there, especially the Farmers and the Ranchers. 

 

The best to you and yours.  Much happiness to you.

 

pj

 

 

[[me...]]

PJ

 

Just read your reply to Cindy's.  Thanks so much for your post.  I too need the encouragement right now.  God bless you!

 

[[...]]

You're welcome meggiemay,

 

When going through withdrawals, words of encouragement - more than anything else - are what gives us the hope, the strength, and the courage to  make it through today, and again tomorrow.

 

Withdrawals are something that you should not have to be experiencing, but for reasons that have more questions than there are answers, you found yourself in the painful, confusing (temporary) world of withdrawals.  I say temporary, because that's what withdrawals are - a temporary, gut-wrenching disruption in your life from which you will recover from. 

 

When you are completely healed, little will you dwell on or remember those temporary days of withdrawals, because you will be completely and permanently healed - living and loving life with a whole new attitude and reverence for all the things that make life good and meaningful.

 

Peace and happiness to you.

 

pj

 

 

[[An...]]

PJ, I know you were answering cindys but I just want to say thank you so much for responding on this thread to those of us still walking this arduous and long road. I am grateful, so grateful. I have had times where I've been so scared and tricked by my brain that I have sometimes worried that all of the success stories are fake. I know it makes no sense, just a paranoid thought thanks to withdrawal. But I just feel like because you answer and just re-reading your story I know you're real. It's hard, so hard to believe healing really happens. Thank you PJ, I am definitely clinging to the hope you give here 

 

You're welcome Angelprint

 

I just pinched myself (ouch!) I'm real! 

 

It's hard to believe that healing really happens, because as much as you want to believe that healing happens (and no matter how many times a day someone is assured that healing happens) they still have a hard time believing that healing happens; not because they don't want to believe it - but because the benzos trick you, and tell you - nope, healing will not happen. 

 

That's what benzos do - they turn positive thoughts into negative thoughts.  But you will have the last laugh when you ARE completely healed - and Mr. Benzo, the snake that he is, crawls back under the rock from whence he came.

 

Peace and happiness to you.

 

pj

 

Ah PJ, thank you so much for your support as always!! I'm so glad you're real!! It really is so hard to believe healing will happen! I can't wait for my benzo brain to stop lying to me!!! 

[[...]]

Hi PJ,,

I wondered if i could trouble you for some reassurance as even though I dont know you, you have been so kind to me and others when we have asked a question. I trust you and you have helped me so much.  I also re read your success story,  it really helps.

 

I have so much fear today that I am going crazy,  I sort of feel angry,  frustrated that everything is an effort. Thinking about and analyzing everything,  my mind wont quieten.  I feel like friends have forgotton about me and dont get it anyway,  so I dont want to see them. Can you relate to this.? I have just had a week off work and it has not been easy out of my routine.  I know many cannot work but it helps me,  although really tough at times.  Im nearly 14 month off and feel this will never go.  Will these negative,  critical thoughs leave for ever eventually?

 

When I feel really anxious I usually go for a walk and take carrots for the horses nearby.  Today i even feel scared to do this.

 

I hope you dont mind me asking all these things when you have healed from all of this. You help so many. 

 

Catherine

 

[[...]]

Dear Catherine,

 

Here's a big ol' hug for you

 

Those withdrawals are terrible.  They are awful.  They hurt, and it seems like they will never go away.  But, Catherine they will go away.  It's been fourteen months, and you are still having withdrawal symptoms, so I know it's hard for you to believe that they will ever go away. 

 

Fourteen months is a long time in the 'real' world, but fourteen months in the 'unreal' world of benzo withdrawals is not all that long.

 

Catherine, believe me - the fear, the doubting, the analyzing (over and over again) your every thought and your every move, the not wanting to be around people too much, the anxiety, the negativity, those racing thoughts that will not stop, and the anger will all be gone one day.

 

I have experienced all same withdrawal symptoms as you are currently experiencing, and every one of those symptoms have left me and they have never come back.  And that's the way it will be for you too. 

 

Catherine, believe me - all those negative, and unpleasant things that are consuming your every thought and your every waking moment, making your life so miserable, will be gone one day.  And when they are gone, you will be a more confident, a more self-assured, a more happy, and a more content person than you can ever imagine.  You  will walk with a bounce in your step and a song in your heart. 

 

Yes Catherine, it's true.  Healing does happen, and with that healing, comes happiness. 

 

Don't be scared to walk down to feed carrots to your horses or do the other things that you want to do.  Those horses, I'm certain, look forward to with great anticipation in seeing you and your gift of carrots that they enjoy so much.  What a nice thing for you to do.

 

Don't let the fear of the unknown (put there by the benzos) prevent you from seeing your horses or going for nice long walks.  Horses, as you know, are very intune with our feelings.  Unlike friends and relatives who 'just don't get it', horses can sense what we are all about, and they won't judge us.  So take your sack of carrots and your loving heart down to the Corral, and have the best day ever. 

 

Just you, the carrots, and the horses- what a beautiful sight to behold.

 

Take good care of yourself.

 

pj

 

 

[[...]]

PJ, I know you were answering cindys but I just want to say thank you so much for responding on this thread to those of us still walking this arduous and long road. I am grateful, so grateful. I have had times where I've been so scared and tricked by my brain that I have sometimes worried that all of the success stories are fake. I know it makes no sense, just a paranoid thought thanks to withdrawal. But I just feel like because you answer and just re-reading your story I know you're real. It's hard, so hard to believe healing really happens. Thank you PJ, I am definitely clinging to the hope you give here 

 

You're welcome Angelprint

 

I just pinched myself (ouch!) I'm real! 

 

It's hard to believe that healing really happens, because as much as you want to believe that healing happens (and no matter how many times a day someone is assured that healing happens) they still have a hard time believing that healing happens; not because they don't want to believe it - but because the benzos trick you, and tell you - nope, healing will not happen. 

 

That's what benzos do - they turn positive thoughts into negative thoughts.  But you will have the last laugh when you ARE completely healed - and Mr. Benzo, the snake that he is, crawls back under the rock from whence he came.

 

Peace and happiness to you.

 

pj

 

Ah PJ, thank you so much for your support as always!! I'm so glad you're real!! It really is so hard to believe healing will happen! I can't wait for my benzo brain to stop lying to me!!! 

Angelprint

 

I also can't wait for your benzo brain to stop lying to you, because when your benzo brain stops lying to you - guess what? No more wondering, no more worrying, no more doubting for you. 

 

When your benzo brain stops lying to you, then, with all your heart, you will really begin to believe that healing does happen.

 

And when you believe with all your heart that healing does happen - guess what again?  Healing will happen. 

 

So, my friend - repeat after me; " Benzo brain stop lying to me, healing does happen."  "Benzo brain stop lying to me, healing does happen."  "Benzo brain stop lying to me, healing does happen."

 

Now that you have confronted that benzo liar, and you have exposed that liar to the truth that healing does indeed happen - and you are convinced that healing does happen, I know that one day, in the not too distant future, I will be reading your success story.

 

Have a safe, and a happy - most wonderful summer.

 

pj

[[An...]]

I love it! My new mantra!! Thank you so much always PJ and I hope you have a wonderful summer too 

[[...]]

PJ,

Your words give me hope yet again  because of what you said, I walked down to the horses (they aren't mine -  wish they were). Im so glad I did as they comforted me. Im so lucky to live near a lot of horses,  some are gypsy horses who dont get a lot of attention.  One of them came cantering to me,  I gave him some carrots and he let me hug him and was really gentle with me. I will go again today as it takes my mind off this awfulness.  I suppose its just trying to accept that for now we going through this dont have the strength to do what we normally do,  but believe we will again.

 

I am so thankful for your reply,  you truly are an angel. Bless you 

 

Catherine

 

[[...]]

Hi Catherine,

 

The Horse Whisperer would be so proud of you; hugging that neglected gypsy horse the way you did - and so am I.  You're the Angel, not me. 

 

A horse may not always know when you are happy or when you are sad, but they always know the kindness that is in your heart, and they always know  when you have CARROTS

 

Have a wonderful Summer. 

 

pj 

[[me...]]

PJ,  was one of your symptoms "butterflies" in your stomach feeling?  Or a feeling you get in your stomach when you drop down a roller coaster hill?  I used to have it happen to me 25 times a day.  It is much less now, but still happens.  Just wondering if it will ever go away.  Thanks.

[[...]]

Hi meggiemay,

 

I never had the 'butterflies' in the stomach feeling, but I had 'fluttering' and spasms in my intestines.  That was a real freaky feeling.  I was so happy when it finally went away.

 

If you (did not) have that 'butterflies' in the stomach feeling (before) you took any benzos, then you can be assured that it is benzo related, and it (will go away) just like all your withdrawal symptoms eventually will go away.

 

If you ever feel or you suspect that any of your withdrawal symptoms may indeed be something other than 'withdrawals' because they may have changed in ways that are more disturbing to you than what they had been ... for your own peace of mind, you may want to consult with a medical professional.

 

All the best to you.

 

pj

[[pi...]]

Hi ya PJ!!

 

I just thought I'd pop in and tell you we have a new puppy!!! Well, we've had her since the end of March and she's just adorable.  Very smart and very stubborn with one brown eye and one blue eye.  We're in puppy heaven. 

 

PG

[[me...]]

Hi PJ,

 

No, I never had that before xanax

[[...]]

Hi ya PJ!!

 

I just thought I'd pop in and tell you we have a new puppy!!! Well, we've had her since the end of March and she's just adorable.  Very smart and very stubborn with one brown eye and one blue eye.  We're in puppy heaven. 

 

PG

 

Hi there pianogirl,

 

To quote Charles Schulz: "Happiness is a warm puppy."  Lucky you!  A puppy is about the most lovable, the most mischievous, and the most energetic of all the Creators little creatures.

 

A blue- eyed, brown-eyed puppy, how cool is that!  Is she a Border Collie or a Siberian Husky?  It's not uncommon for those breeds to have one brown eye and one blue eye.

 

It was good to hear from you.  Have a wonderful summer

 

pj

[[...]]

PJ,  was one of your symptoms "butterflies" in your stomach feeling?  Or a feeling you get in your stomach when you drop down a roller coaster hill?  I used to have it happen to me 25 times a day.  It is much less now, but still happens.  Just wondering if it will ever go away.  Thanks.

Hi meggiemay,

 

I never had the 'butterflies' in the stomach feeling, but I had 'fluttering' and spasms in my intestines.  That was a real freaky feeling.  I was so happy when it finally went away.

 

If you (did not) have that 'butterflies' in the stomach feeling (before) you took any benzos, then you can be assured that it is benzo related, and it (will go away) just like all your withdrawal symptoms eventually will go away.

 

If you ever feel or you suspect that any of your withdrawal symptoms may indeed be something other than 'withdrawals' because they may have changed in ways that are more disturbing to you than what they had been ... for your own peace of mind, you may want to consult with a medical professional.

 

All the best to you.

 

pj

Hi PJ,

 

No, I never had that before xanax

 

Hi meggiemay,

 

Xanax caused that strange feeling to appear - now it's up to time to make that 'butterflies' in the stomach feeling  disappear.  It shouldn't be too much longer before you can say good riddance to that weird symptom.

 

Have a nice day

[[me...]]

Thanks for replying, PJ.  One more question.  Do you know if insomina is one of the symptoms that takes longer to get better?  I still wake frequently through the night and have a lot of dreams.  I feel like I am in REM sleep most of the time, dreaming, waking up, tossing and turning.  I am concerned it won't get better than this.

 

Thanks so much.

[[pi...]]

Hi ya PJ!!

 

I just thought I'd pop in and tell you we have a new puppy!!! Well, we've had her since the end of March and she's just adorable.  Very smart and very stubborn with one brown eye and one blue eye.  We're in puppy heaven. 

 

PG

 

Hi there pianogirl,

 

To quote Charles Schulz: "Happiness is a warm puppy."  Lucky you!  A puppy is about the most lovable, the most mischievous, and the most energetic of all the Creators little creatures.

 

A blue- eyed, brown-eyed puppy, how cool is that!  Is she a Border Collie or a Siberian Husky?  It's not uncommon for those breeds to have one brown eye and one blue eye.

 

It was good to hear from you.  Have a wonderful summer

 

pj

 

Our little puppy is an Australian Shepherd mix, her litter was rescued from a high kill shelter. Thank goodness. She is very smart and lives to play...... and yes, gets into mischief at least 25 times a day. 

 

Have a great summer yourself!

[[...]]

Thanks for replying, PJ.  One more question.  Do you know if insomina is one of the symptoms that takes longer to get better?  I still wake frequently through the night and have a lot of dreams.  I feel like I am in REM sleep most of the time, dreaming, waking up, tossing and turning.  I am concerned it won't get better than this.

 

Thanks so much.

 

You're welcome, meggiemay.

 

Not to worry.

 

For many folks, insomnia is one of their worst, and one of their longest lasting symptoms.

 

Waking up a few times a night tossing and turning instead of sleeping uninterrupted, is a pretty common occurrence that will go on until your brain (adjusts) and then continues to (readjust) the mechanism that regulates your sleep cycle.

 

Because everybody's brain and everybody's body chemistry is so different, there is no way of knowing just how long it will take for your insomnia issue to end. 

 

I hope all your dreams are sweet dreams

 

pj 

[[me...]]

Thanks, PJ, you are so kind.  Well at least your words confirm that this normal, now I know that this one of the longer lasting symptoms.  Have a blessed day!