An experience like no other

[[Lo...]]

Eh, everyone's different but I had a couple of beers last night and aside from feeling a tad bit slower, I'm still pretty good (still in the healing process). Don't risk drinking though!

[[...]]

Hi PJ! Hope you are doing well 😁. I do see some improvements in my symptoms at times so that's always a plus even if it's just a little bit!  I know I will not be drinking for a long long time until I know I am definitely healed but when I am you did say it is possible to be able to drink whatever you want to (obviously in moderation). I'm in my 20's and would really like to believe that one day I will be TOTALLY back to normal in the respect that I will be able to do the things I did before this benzo mess!! Any insight would be great! Thanks pj

 

Hi cadkins,

 

It was nice to hear from you again.

 

To drink or not to drink - that is the question that many folks ponder while in withdrawals.  The answer to that question is an emphatically - No!  There are probably some folks who can drink during withdrawals without having any negative reactions, but as loveisback mentioned - why risk it. 

 

In my opinion, consuming alcohol when in withdrawals just adds another layer of confusion and disruption to a brain that is already over-stressed and over-tired from fighting back so hard to undo what the benzos have done to that brain, thus, delaying the healing process.

After you have healed from, as you so aptly described it, (the benzo mess), you will definitely be able to do all the things that you used to do.  And that includes drinking alcohol in moderation.

 

Benzo withdrawals are not a lifetime sentence, banning you from ever again, partaking in life's pleasures.

 

You are still very young.  As you mature, and you have experienced more of the many different facets that makes life the mysterious, wonderful adventure that it is, you will come to realize, like many other folks have - that moderation in all things is the secret to a happy, fulfilling life.  You are a bright young lady, so you probably already know this. 

 

I'm glad that you are seeing improvements in your symptoms.  Good luck to you, now and in the future.  Enjoy the beautiful days of Summer.

 

pj

[[Pu...]]

Your story is amazing and I'm thankful you are checking back in to help others still. My story is below. I'm beyond scared and nervous about this process. I feel like I don't have a year or more to go through this. I have small kids and need to be a mom again.

Hello,

Another person on this site recommended I reach out to you. Would you be willing to read through my posts? I've only posted 3 times. I'm basically looking for reassurance that things are heading in the right direction. I need positive help not scary stories which is what I seem to be getting. I'm a very short time user, 2 months ativan only 1 mg at night for sleep. Did a quick 2 week taper which was probably too quick but wanted off so badly. I'm now 3 months off and I've had some really good windows where I felt pretty normal. 3 long ones so far. My last one lasted 3 weeks so I throught I was really through the worst part. When I did feel yucky it was mostly mild anxiety and neck pain with headaches. They were tolerable though. Just got hit with a bad wave again yesterday. Anxiety and bad insomnia again. Darn it I was sleeping so good again for 3 weeks. I'm so disappointed as I was doing so well. Honestly the insomnia is the hardest part for me. I can deal with some anxiety and the mild physical symptoms but the insomnia kills me and makes everything worse. I also completely lose my appetite when these waves hit. I was eating so well again  and so much it was great. Based on your experience and time on this site do you think my healing is rapid based on the long windows I've had? I know it's hard to really say but everyone else I come across has very short windows if any at all which is why I'm so confused. I really thought I had gotten things under control. I even was having some days where the depression was gone and my mood was lifted. I just want this to be over. I'm 3 months off and only took 1 darn pill a night for 2 months. This is crazy!! I really appreciate your help and am hoping for positive encouraging responses. I'm sensitive and very worried again and can't handle horror stories. 

 

 

Good morning to you hope75,

 

As I write this, you are healing inside.  It may not show on the outside, but on the inside, little miracles are happening.  The broken pieces are being put back together again.  It takes time, because when the job is done, and you are healed - there's going to be a whole new you -  a stronger, more confident, and  happier person will emerge.

 

You have had long windows, and you have had periods of good sleep.  Those are very encouraging signs that the healing process is doing it's job very well, and doing it quicker than it does for many other folks, perhaps sending a signal  that you will most likely completely heal sooner than you think you will.

 

It's very discouraging for you, I know, to have those windows that made you feel almost 'normal' again to end.  But that's how this crazy withdrawal thing works.  You get a nice long window, and you hold your breath, hoping it's all over, and then along comes that wave, knocking you over, and turning your world upside down again.

 

I can go on forever about insomnia, and what it does to us, but I will refrain from doing so, because you, as a mother of three small kids, know more about it than I could possibly ever know.  My heart goes out to you.  It takes a very special, and a very strong person to nurture, and guide three small kids, while at the same time you have to navigate your way through the ups and downs of withdrawals.

 

But, all is not doom and gloom.  Eventually, you will have a window that does not close, your insomnia will end, your anxiety will end, and you will be sleeping like a newborn baby.  The nightmare of withdrawals will be over.  The sweet dreams of peace and contentment will begin.

 

Here's a poem I wrote a long time ago to a mother who was struggling with the anxiety and the confusion of withdrawals.

 

Mom, you tried to laugh today,

but you could only cry.

I'm just a little kid,

but, mom, I understand the reason why.

 

You are feeling bad

cause you cannot play with me.

Don't worry, Mom; I understand.

You will get better- just you wait and see.

 

I understand why it makes you sad

when you can't move very fast,

cause your legs are stiffer than a robots.

Don't worry- it won't last. 

 

I'm smarter than you think I am.

I understand lots of stuff.

I may be little,

but I am tuff.

 

You don't have to be perfect

in every little way

for me to love you,

each and every day.

 

Because Mom, I know

when you are all better;

you will make me feel more important

than a special delivery letter.

 

 

Take good care of yourself.  I know you're taking good care of your kids.  As long as you can give your kids a peanut butter sandwich, or a bowl of mac and cheese topped off with a big hug and a kiss, you're not neglecting them.  Kids are so resilient and so forgiving.  They will not even remember that you were not able to inter-act with them as much as you wanted to.

 

This temporary setback in your life that was caused by the Ativan will end.  And when it does, you and your kids will be so happy, that everyday will seem like a day at the beach

 

pj

 

PJ, you are AMAZING!!! I read your story and got so frustrated at how the docs kept piling on meds. Most of them just want quick-fixes then shoo everyone out of their office. It's crazy.

 

You are inspiring!

[[...]]

Good morning 

 

Pugs are a great little dog.  They are very gentle and very sociable, which makes them an excellent companion dog.  How do I know this?  One of my neighbor's who lives a ways down the road from me has a Pug that she takes for a walk every evening.  If she sees me when she passes by my place, she stops and chats for awhile, so I have gotten to know her little Pug that she calls Napoleon, quite well. 

 

Yes ma'am - you've got that right - it is indeed crazy!  The doctors, the pills, and the withdrawals - it's all some crazy stuff. 

 

Something we all have learned from our benzo experience is to research all medications - prescribed and over- the- counter ones, so we are never again blind-sided by a drug that we probably should not take. 

 

I don't want to paint all drugs with the same broad brush as being bad, because many drugs are necessary to improve the quality of one's life.  We just have to know what side-effects are associated with taking certain medications, so we can make an informed decision as to whether there are safer alternatives to taking that drug. 

 

I thank you for your very kind words.  I wish you well on this beautiful Summer morning.

 

pj

[[Pu...]]

Yes! Pugs are AWESOME!!!!

[[...]]

I had some free time today, so I just wanted to stop by to say a few words to you kind and courageous folks who may be new here, and to you kind and courageous folks who may have been here for awhile. 

 

Benzo withdrawals are indeed a phenomenon that is so very hard to grasp and so very hard to understand.

 

If your mind is a raging Tornado of emotions, and you feel like a Rag Doll hanging on a clothesline, twisting endlessly in the wind with no way to break free ... you're not alone.  That's how most folks feel when they are suffering from those dreaded Benzo withdrawals.

 

Okay, you're stuck with those terrible withdrawals ... now what do you do?

 

The first thing you should do, if you have not already done so, is to accept those withdrawals, because if you continually fight them, the more tired, and the more weary, and the more hopeless you will become.  And then you will begin to believe that you are never going to heal. 

Accept your symptoms, do not fear them. They will not last forever. The harm they do to you is temporary,(even though in your mind, because the benzos have told you so), you believe that those withdrawal symptoms are permanent, and they are never going to go away.   

 

If you have a cut or a bruise on your body, accepting that you are healing comes easy, because you can visually see the progress of your healing, not so, when it comes to healing from benzo withdrawals.  Even though you cannot always see the healing that is happening to you on the outside, your body continues its silent, and miraculous healing on the inside.     

 

You must accept the fact you are most likely in that group of folks who's bodies, for a whole host of reasons, are ultra - sensitive to many drugs, especially the Benzodiazepine class of drugs.

Because you are overly sensitive to benzos, your Central Nervous System has been injured in a more extreme manner than you or your doctor could have ever imagined that it would be or that it could be. 

You must accept the reality that you are not going to be completely healed until your CNS has completely healed.  And that takes time.   

 

Because of your acceptance, and because of what you have learned, and because of all that you have endured during the healing process, chances are, when you cross that finish line, and you are healed ... and your long, hard fought journey is finally over, you will be a much wiser, and a much healthier person ... physically and mentally.

 

And then, all the best pieces of your life that have been torn from you by the Benzos, and scattered in so many different directions, will all come rushing back to you, making you whole again.

 

An early 'Happy Holiday's' wish to all my friends who may still be here, and to all my friends who are no longer here.

 

pj 

[[ci...]]

Thank you PJ, I needed to read this today. You are so right Acceptance and not letting fear rule you. I am 18 months CT from ambien, although I still struggle with insomnia, night sweats, and nerve pain, things are so so so much better.  You were the first Success story I read, your story was the one that has given me the most hope. Thank you.

 

Always, Cindy

[[Ma...]]

Hi Pj - I've read many of your posts and always appreciated your thoughtful, compassionate and wise council regarding withdrawal. It is extremely admirable and a testament to your beautiful character that you continue to support those on this forum, who truly need comforting and hope while enduring the brutal consequences of benzo withdrawal. And you do it on your free time. Awesome! Thanks for providing fresh air to those of us suffocating in this dark and murky existence of withdrawal. It is truly life giving. You are so appreciated - Thank you - Marc

[[Mt...]]

I'm with MarkyMarc   --you gave me some kind words when I was first on the forum. Thank you.

[[...]]

How kind of you PJ to post this. You have always replied to my posts here and I appreciate it so much. I too am 18 month off a taper of a low dose valium and never expected to still be here and feeling like a lost soul. I have managed to hold on to my job and in a way it has kept me sane, even though it is so incredibly hard to put a false face on every day and I am so exhausted and worried I will never find myself again and regain my flow of life. No one understands how we feel and your words of encouragement are invaluble. Bless you 

[[...]]

Thank you PJ, I needed to read this today. You are so right Acceptance and not letting fear rule you. I am 18 months CT from ambien, although I still struggle with insomnia, night sweats, and nerve pain, things are so so so much better.  You were the first Success story I read, your story was the one that has given me the most hope. Thank you.

 

Always, Cindy

 

Hi Cindy

 

I understand completely the agony, and the frustration that you are living with when it comes to your ongoing struggle with insomnia, and nerve pain.  I hated those two symptoms!

You've had an extremely difficult, and painful time of it since your Ambien cold turkey, and that's putting it mildly.  It makes me happy that things are now so much better for you.

 

Eighteen months is a long time for you to endure all that pain, and uncertainty that has disrupted your life, I know,

so keep that upbeat, and positive attitude going for you, because being bitter, (which you are not), only leads to more bitterness.

 

Thank you for your kind words, Cindy.  Just think ... before too much longer, no

more Insomnia and no more nerve pain, because you will be healed, and like I've said to you before ... Healing does happen, and it will happen to you! 

 

pj

[Guest [ho...]]

Hi Pj,

I just read your recent post on your success thread. You must be reading my mind. You helped me and kindly wrote to me a couple months back and I so appreciate that. I seem to be sort of stuck exactly where you just wrote about! Acceptance!! That right there is hard for me. Don't get me wrong, I feel like I'm fighting through it. I refuse to lay around at all. I force myself to do things, even when I'm in a wave or haven't slept. I get up, get my kids to school, pick them up, do laundry, clean, go to all their sporting events etc. I make myself do all of those things even though I still can't seem to feel much joy. This whole thing has really shocked me and brought me down. Not sure if you remember but I was a short time user of Ativan 1mg a night for about 2 months and then a quick 12 day taper. I took about 45 pills total. Not every single night. I am now officially 6 months off and am still having Windows and waves. Even in my windows I don't feel 100% so not sure they are true Windows, I don't know. It's all so strange. I guess I call them Windows because I can sleep sometimes and function a lot better and get more energy. Even in those Windows, this withdrawal is constantly on my mind and I wonder if and when it will ever end. It's so hard. Harder than childbirth because you have no idea what to expect. The first month was rough, acute and pure hell!! Months 2,3,4 seemed to have a pattern. The waves were 8-10 days long and then I'd get a break and start sleeping again and feel much better for 2 weeks or so. Now in month 5 and starting 6, it's been very weird and all over the place! Up and down, all around! Waves, window, waves, window. Sleep, no sleep. I never know what's coming! It's not as intense as the beginning I guess but still very hard. The insomnia is still the hardest for me but other things that I'm dealing with are all the mental stuff, constant thoughts about am I going to heal, how can I still be in withdrawal. Physical stuff like nerve pain here and there. Prickling, itching off and on. Internal vibrating sometimes at night when I can't sleep, headaches, fogginess, boaty dizzy feelings. All these things come and go! The most bosthersome aside from insomnia is the dreadful morning wake up! I feel so much gloom and doom upon waking, which is very early am. Before all this I was a great sleeper, always so cozy in the morning and loved my bed. Now I dread bedtime and sleeping. Don't get me wrong, I have had some decent periods where I felt pretty good but this new pattern has got me so confused. Is this normal for 6 months out? All over the place? I guess your post really hit me today! I wish I could accept this and not have it consume me with fear and dread! I wish I felt confident that I'm healing. I just need a good positive break soon to give me some hope. I did just have a chest cold last week that seemed to really rev my symptoms up. Not sure what that's about but maybe that messed me up too. Thanks Pj for reading my message.

Hope

[[...]]

Hi hope,

 

I sure do remember you.  It's good to hear from you again.

 

It's extremely hard to accept benzo withdrawals, because they are something that you would never have expected to happen to you. 

 

It's unfortunate that many doctors don't understand that people who take benzos can have horrific life-changing withdrawals. Those withdrawals have turned your whole world upside down, so it's a normal reaction for you to have a hard time accepting all that has happened to you.

 

When you realized that you were indeed having benzo withdrawals, it was one huge shock to your entire system.  It was as if you were stripped of your identity, and everything else that made you who you are, and then tossed into a dark pit without a rope or a ladder to climb out of that scary abyss. 

 

It's no small wonder why you are sometimes overcome with fear, especially in the mornings, because you didn't get much sleep, and the last thing that you are looking forward to is another day of withdrawals.

 

All the symptoms that you are describing are textbook examples of what a person experiences in withdrawals.  It doesn't matter if a person took benzos for 20 days, for 20 months or for twenty years, they all have experienced most of the same things that  you are experiencing.  They have all had the same thoughts that you are having, and they have all had the fear of never healing or of ever being normal, and getting their life back.

 

It's been 6 months of withdrawals for you, so yes it is normal for your symptoms to still be all over the place. There is no rhyme or reason to this whole withdrawal thing.  Nothing is certain or makes much sense when it comes to withdrawals.

 

The only thing I know for certain, is that you are going to completely recover from your benzo experience.  It may take longer than you want it to, but it's going to happen ... You're going to completely recover one day.  The fear will be gone.  You will be sleeping soundly again.  You will feel joy again.

 

You are a wonderful mother to be doing all that you do for your children, even though it must be a struggle for you.  I guess that's what loving someone is all about.

 

Peace to you

 

pj

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

. 

[Guest [ho...]]

Thank you Pj 

I can't wait for the day when I truly feel and believe that I'm going to get through this and heal. Was there a certain month or time during your withdrawal when you felt you had turned a corner and were no longer being slammed so hard? I guess I feel like when these waves become less severe and shorter it may give me some hope and determination to push through the rest. I always wonder when people reached "their" turning point.

Thank you again for taking them time to reach out and show your support and encouragement. You're so kind to do that.

Hope

[[...]]

I had some free time today, so I just wanted to stop by to say a few words to you kind and courageous folks who may be new here, and to you kind and courageous folks who may have been here for awhile. 

 

Benzo withdrawals are indeed a phenomenon that is so very hard to grasp and so very hard to understand.

 

If your mind is a raging Tornado of emotions, and you feel like a Rag Doll hanging on a clothesline, twisting endlessly in the wind with no way to break free ... you're not alone.  That's how most folks feel when they are suffering from those dreaded Benzo withdrawals.

 

Okay, you're stuck with those terrible withdrawals ... now what do you do?

 

The first thing you should do, if you have not already done so, is to accept those withdrawals, because if you continually fight them, the more tired, and the more weary, and the more hopeless you will become.  And then you will begin to believe that you are never going to heal. 

Accept your symptoms, do not fear them. They will not last forever. The harm they do to you is temporary,(even though in your mind, because the benzos have told you so), you believe that those withdrawal symptoms are permanent, and they are never going to go away.   

 

If you have a cut or a bruise on your body, accepting that you are healing comes easy, because you can visually see the progress of your healing, not so, when it comes to healing from benzo withdrawals.  Even though you cannot always see the healing that is happening to you on the outside, your body continues its silent, and miraculous healing on the inside.     

 

You must accept the fact you are most likely in that group of folks who's bodies, for a whole host of reasons, are ultra - sensitive to many drugs, especially the Benzodiazepine class of drugs.

Because you are overly sensitive to benzos, your Central Nervous System has been injured in a more extreme manner than you or your doctor could have ever imagined that it would be or that it could be. 

You must accept the reality that you are not going to be completely healed until your CNS has completely healed.  And that takes time.   

 

Because of your acceptance, and because of what you have learned, and because of all that you have endured during the healing process, chances are, when you cross that finish line, and you are healed ... and your long, hard fought journey is finally over, you will be a much wiser, and a much healthier person ... physically and mentally.

 

And then, all the best pieces of your life that have been torn from you by the Benzos, and scattered in so many different directions, will all come rushing back to you, making you whole again.

 

An early 'Happy Holiday's' wish to all my friends who may still be here, and to all my friends who are no longer here.

 

pj 

How kind of you PJ to post this. You have always replied to my posts here and I appreciate it so much. I too am 18 month off a taper of a low dose valium and never expected to still be here and feeling like a lost soul. I have managed to hold on to my job and in a way it has kept me sane, even though it is so incredibly hard to put a false face on every day and I am so exhausted and worried I will never find myself again and regain my flow of life. No one understands how we feel and your words of encouragement are invaluble. Bless you 

Hi marj,

 

It takes an incredibly strong person to wear that false face every day in order to mask how much you are hurting.  And ((You Are) an incredibly strong, determined person ... you have to be in order to have lived with those withdrawals for such a long time.

 

It would be so much easier, and comforting to a person in withdrawals if the people in their life would or could try to understand that those withdrawals are real ... and that just because someone is having withdrawals, it does not mean that they are weak or that they created their situation all by themselves. 

 

No, they did not create that situation all by themselves. 

 

There was a doctor involved.  There was a prescription involved.  There was a drug called a Benzodiazepine that was involved.  That doctor most likely did not have a clue as to how dangerous that drug can be when it is prescribed wrongly or when it is prescribed for too long.

 

We can tell folks, over and over again, until we are blue in the face, all about benzos, and how we innocently took a drug that a doctor prescribed for us, because we were told that it would relieve our Insomnia or our Anxiety.  What we were not told was the danger that is inherent with that drug.

 

When we try to explain to family or friends how we are suffering ... they may listen to us but they do not really 'hear' us or they don't totally believe us. Not that they don't want to believe us, but because, for whatever reasons, they cannot open up their mind far enough to believe or to understand how a pill that was prescribed for us by a doctor could possibly cause so much harm to us.

 

Marj, you are a lady of courage.  You will find yourself again, and you will find that lost soul.  You will regain your flow of life again.

 

The very best to you

 

pj   

 

   

 

[[...]]

Hi Pj - I've read many of your posts and always appreciated your thoughtful, compassionate and wise council regarding withdrawal. It is extremely admirable and a testament to your beautiful character that you continue to support those on this forum, who truly need comforting and hope while enduring the brutal consequences of benzo withdrawal. And you do it on your free time. Awesome! Thanks for providing fresh air to those of us suffocating in this dark and murky existence of withdrawal. It is truly life giving. You are so appreciated - Thank you - Marc

Hi Marc,

 

You wrote: "Suffocating in this dark and murky existence of withdrawal."  What  profound words, Marc ... and so true.

 

Just saying "Thank You" seems like such a trivial thing to say to someone who has written such kind words to me, but Marc, I do thank you and I do wish you well on your journey to reclaim all that may have been taken from you.

 

take care

 

pj 

[[...]]

I'm with MarkyMarc   --you gave me some kind words when I was first on the forum. Thank you.

Hi MtnHigh,

 

You're welcome.  I appreciate your stopping by.

 

When I hear or see the word 'kind' I often think of the quote by Leo Buscaglia who wrote: Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

 

I hope all is well with you.

 

pj

[[...]]

Thank you Pj 

I can't wait for the day when I truly feel and believe that I'm going to get through this and heal. Was there a certain month or time during your withdrawal when you felt you had turned a corner and were no longer being slammed so hard? I guess I feel like when these waves become less severe and shorter it may give me some hope and determination to push through the rest. I always wonder when people reached "their" turning point.

Thank you again for taking them time to reach out and show your support and encouragement. You're so kind to do that.

Hope

Hi Hope,

 

I think I reached a turning point around month seven or eight.  It was at that time when my windows were more frequent, and they lasted much longer,

sometimes for two weeks.  Of course, then a wave would come, bringing with it some of the same old symptoms, but those symptoms were not as severe, and the waves only lasted for two or three days.  As time went on, I had many more windows than I had waves. 

 

This went on until I had no more waves.  It took me fifteen months to reach that milestone, then, the day came when I said to myself: "I can't believe it, it's all over!" 

 

And Hope, before you know, you will be saying those same words to yourself.  Then you can sing this song. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aXpty_1xo4

 

pj

[Guest [ho...]]

That's good to hear. I'm 6 months now so maybe I'll get some relief soon. I've been really discouraged and depressed lately because the normal pattern I had before has changed the last month. It's been so up and down. A few bad days then a little break. Instead of having a long week to week and a half wave followed by a window, it's been every few days or so switching!! I can't figure it out but it's been really hard. It almost feels worse because I haven't gotten a long break. I hope things get better and I get a break soon. I'm just so worried that things are going backwards not forward. If I can inch forward a bit, that will give me hope. It's rough

[Guest [ho...]]

Sorry Pj, another question. In your windows did you feel completely normal? Or still some minor symptoms here and there but not super bothersome? Also, when did your insomnia resolve? Did sleep come and go in Windows and waves? Or just improve one day and stay that way? Thank you again for your support.

Hope

[[...]]

Good morning hope,

 

You don't have to apologize for asking questions  

 

One thing that I know for sure when it comes to benzo withdrawals is that people have lots, and lots of questions, because withdrawals are the weirdest, and the most life-changing event that has ever happened to them. 

They need constant reminders and reassurances and validations that what they are experiencing is normal ... I sure did.  They need to know that they are going to recover from the nightmare of withdrawals, and in time, of course, everyone does indeed recover.

 

For the most part, when I had windows I felt almost normal, but not completely  normal, because not all of my symptoms left me.  The ones that remained were, on a scale from 1-10 probably a 3 or 4, so no, they were not super bothersome. 

 

Eventually my symptoms left me one at a time over a span of 15 months.  After around the ninth month the symptoms that were left were more of a nuisance than they were debilitating.

 

Insomnia for me, like it is for most folks, was a maddening, torturous experience.  No, my insomnia did not magically improve one day and stay that way.  It got better in stages.  Some nights I had no sleep.  Some nights I slept for perhaps an hour or 2.  Some nights 3 or 4 hours.  It went on like this until, I think it was around the ninth month, when I could sleep for 7 hours, which I have been doing for a long time now.

 

Have a nice weekend, hope.  October's clear blue skies, and breath-taking display of colorful leaves have inspired me to plan a visit to an Apple Orchard this Sunday.  I hope you do something fun this weekend, too.   

 

pj 

[Guest [ho...]]

Have a beautiful weekend Pj! You so deserve it. You are an amazing, kind human being. 

[[...]]

Thank you, hope   I did indeed have a beautiful weekend.  My visit to the Apple Orchard was fantastic! 

 

You are pretty amazing yourself.  Moms who are caring for their young children, while they themselves are in withdrawals, are not only amazing ... they are awesome!

[[ml...]]

Such encouragement PJ, THANK YOU!! I have read thru much of your post and its so good to know this all will end one day. I am going into 9 months now and every single month that goes by I take a deeper breath. In the beginning, its was days, Oh God I tallied the days...then weeks, now finally some good solid months behind me! I am ever so much better, but still some time to go I know.

 

Everything you say is so right on and I thank you too. This has been the most difficult experience of my life. If it takes more than a year, then so be it, as long as I KNOW one day it will all be gone. I had a couple hours today, while doing housecleaning, that I had not thought of benzos, or this ordeal for 2 hours. That was amazing and it felt so good.

 

I can hardly wait until that day comes, where I have not thought about all this for months on end. Have you found for you, as you healed completely, that your consuming thoughts about all this stuff ended?

 

Thank you for coming back and giving us all hope, we thank you! 

magic

[[Le...]]

This success story is truly sublime. What a pleasure it was to read!