An experience like no other

[[az...]]

Thank you for sharing what it's like to come out the other side. I needed hope today.

[[ci...]]

Bump. for winners7 to read

[[...]]

Thank you for sharing what it's like to come out the other side. I needed hope today.

 

You're welcome, azalea.  During withdrawals, hope is something a person just cannot get enough of.  Hope is that wonderful, invisible force, that we hang onto with all our might, because hope gives us the strength to forge on ahead, even when our world seems to crumble around us.

 

Wishing you the best.

 

pj

[[...]]

Had to read your success story once again. I have been beating myself up for "maybe not tapering like I should have".  You know the scenario, trying to change the past.  I see that you have healed and continuing to have faith that I will too.  Thank you again.  Best wishes to you. 

Hi Arkansas,

 

Please excuse the long delay in acknowledging your post, for I do not get around here much anymore.

 

Wishing we could change the past is something we all do many times - over and over again.  We often spend a lot of time regretting things from our past - so much so, that we often overlook or we fail to realize that we can control the present - which will make a huge impact on our future. 

 

Yes, Arkansas, I have faith that you, and everybody else is going to heal, because healing does indeed happen - not as quick as you want it to, but it will happen, and when it does happen - your life will truly be something very special.

 

Peace.

 

pj

[[...]]

A very Happy Thanksgiving day to all you gentle, kind-hearted folks - who through no fault of your own, find yourself in the hurtful, and confusing World of withdrawals.

 

It's not an easy journey, traveling down the road that leads to healing.  You may not be there yet, but you are closer to healing today than you were yesterday.  Keep on fighting for what you want your life to be tomorrow.  It takes all the courage and strength that you can muster to defeat that powerful, unforgiving benzo beast that has tormented your body, toyed with your mind, and stretched your fragile emotions like the strings on a cheap violin.

 

There will be days when you will take two steps forward in your recovery, and that benzo beast will knock you three steps backwards, over and over again, hoping that you will give up. 

 

But you will not give up, because you are much stronger and more resilient than you ever imagined that you could be.

 

When that glorious day arrives and you ARE healed - that person who has been lost for such a very long time - will have been found, and you will have your life back ... it will be a somewhat different kind of a life ... because your benzo experience will have changed you.  You will be happier.  You will be wiser.

 

You will feel as free as Dandelion Seeds floating in the wind.

 

All the best pieces of your life that have been torn from you - will come rushing back to you - making you whole again.

 

I wish you peace and happiness ...

 

A Native American Prayer to lift your spirits on this day of giving thanks (author unknown)

 

May the sun bring you

new energy by day.

May the moon softly restore

you by night.

May the rain wash away your

worries and sorrows.

May the breeze blow new

strength into your being.

May you walk gently

through the world and

know it's beauty

all the days of your life.

 

 

[[...]]

Oh PJ, HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU FROM ACROSS THE POND.

 

I was actually only thinking of you yesterday. You helped me by kindly replying to my many questions. Alas I'm still in the thick of it at 31 months, surviving each day hoping and praying tomorrow will be better.

 

Incredible how this affects us all so differently and makes it so much harder, especially when you fall into this category with not much in the way of windows.

 

Much love to you PJ

 

:smitten: :smitten:

[[ci...]]

PJ, Happy Thanksgiving to you, My fellow ambien BB. Over 2 years ago I reached out to you, I was in a very dark place, full of pain and fear, you saved me.....more than you will ever know. I am so grateful and thankful for your support and encouragement. At 32 months now, I am almost at the end of my nightmare.......God Bless you.

 

Always, cindy

[[pi...]]

May the sun bring you

new energy by day.

May the moon softly restore

you by night.

May the rain wash away your

worries and sorrows.

May the breeze blow new

strength into your being.

May you walk gently

through the world and

know it's beauty

all the days of your life.

 

I love this PJ, thanks! And many thanks for coming back and leaving one of your positive affirming messages for our dear members.

 

PG 

[[ma...]]

Thank you dear PJ, for taking the time to come back and post encouragement and support for our members. Its a beautiful poem and I am sure it will touch us all, no matter what part of the world we come from.

 

Much love to you and your family

 

Magrita

[[Ev...]]

Dear PJ,

 

I can't tell you how much your post has meant to me today. Your words give me strength to keep going, and to believe that my life, my full happy robustly healthy life, is still out there waiting around the bend.

 

I needed this encouragement today.

 

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

[[...]]

Hi there - marj, cindys, pianogirl, magrita, and EverGreen

 

Thank you for your very kind words.

 

Marj, cindys, and EverGreen - Your day will come when you will be joining the ranks of the healed, just as pianogirl and magrita - and thousands of other folks have done.

 

Withdrawals are a bushel basket full of pain, misery, confusion, and self-doubt.  Withdrawals have a mind of their own.  You cannot wish them away, and make them magically disappear - wouldn't it be sweet if you could?  What you can do ... is wear your best smile, and laugh a lot at yourself and at the World. 

 

Acceptance can be such a huge factor in determining a successful recovery from the confusing, and painful mish-mash of mental and physical symptoms that make withdrawing from Benzos so darn hard.

Choosing acceptance over resistance may not quicken the pace of your recovery, but it can make the path to get there, a little bit smoother, and a whole lot less worrisome.

 

When you have those days when you are feeling down - and depressed, and nothing seems to be going the way you want it to - because of your agonizing pain, and your self-doubt (wondering if you will indeed ever heal from this mess) ... go for a walk with you, and your shadow, and Mother Nature. 

 

Soaking up all the wonderful, magical, and enchanting sights and sounds that she unselfishly shares with you, along with a few rays of warm, soothing sunshine, will light up even the darkest of days.

 

pj

[[el...]]

Thank you so much PJ for your generosity to keep coming back here and being a beacon of hope for so many!

[[...]]

You're welcome, elbee.

 

To take just a few minutes out of my life to encourage others, pales in comparison to their - taking many, many months out of their life - to heal from all the damage that Benzos has inflicted upon them.

 

Withdrawals from Benzos can be a very frightening experience when there is no one in a person's life to give them a little compassion, some understanding, and lots of encouragement.  That is why this forum is appreciated by so many, and is so very necessary.  Benzo withdrawals can indeed, be a very lonely, and terrifying experience when someone receives no encouragement. 

 

Encouragement, more than anything else, is what a person needs in order for them to withstand, and survive the daily onslaught of withdrawal symptoms that keep trying to knock them off their feet, and drag them through the unforgiving 'Benzo Wringer' that tortures their body, and flattens their fragile emotions like an over-cooked pancake. 

 

Encouragement gives a person the strength, and the perseverance to fight the benzo battle - and to win that battle!

 

May you have no detours on your road to healing.

[[...]]

Merry Christmas

 

What a wonderful gift it would be indeed, if all you courageous folks were suddenly healed and your precious life that was stolen from you, and gotten lost, came silently tip-toeing back to you on Christmas Eve night, wrapped in a big red ribbon.

 

You may not get your life back by Christmas Eve this year - but that's okay, because healing may happen to you even long before that first day of Spring, when the colorful Tulips make their grand appearance.

 

Many of you who are going through withdrawals probably do not feel like dealing with all the added stress, and anxiety that can go sky high during the Christmas season.  Just do the best you can, and try not to worry about it.  There will be many more Christmases in your future. 

 

If you are a mother with little children to love and to take care of while you are struggling with those wicked withdrawals - my heart goes out to you.  I cannot imagine a more daunting task than taking care of little kids while dealing with withdrawals - especially at Christmas time.

 

Please do not feel that you are neglecting your kids.  You may not be able to be the so called 'Perfect Mom' right now, but that's okay.  Kids don't want a 'Perfect Mom'. They want a Mom that can make messes and mistakes just like they do.

Little kids, in all their unbridled innocence can be very forgiving, and understanding. 

 

It doesn't take a boatload of stuff to make them happy. 

A big hug, a little kiss on the cheek, and an "I love you" means more to them than anything with a price tag on it.   

 

All you dear people who are having withdrawals, and patiently looking forward to that long-awaited day when your symptoms are all gone and you have your life back - try to keep bravely fighting through your pain, and your fears.  Try to smile through your tears.  Miracles do happen, and they can happen to you.

 

I know those never-ending withdrawals may seem like two lifetimes to you, but when you are healed, the days and the months that you suffered from those horrible withdrawals will soon be forgotten.

 

You have to try and not think about all the whys and the what ifs that brought you to the place where you are in your life right now. 

You have to try and believe, with all your might, that you are going to heal, and you have try and not think about how long it is taking you to heal.   

 

As hard as it is for you right now to look forward to the future - traveling backwards to the time when you first took that Benzo - will just make you sadder, and less hopeful that you are going to heal. 

 

When you are healed, the time that you lost to those withdrawals will seem like no more than a mere second was taken out of your life, because when you have healed, you are going to have many, many more days, months, and years ahead of you to enjoy and cherish your life with a new found zest and appreciation for all the wondrous things that you have to look forward to.

 

Believe me, I understand why you may be feeling the way you do.  You are the type of person who was always cautious when taking any kind of drugs or medications.

You never used drugs recreationally, and now, through no fault of your own ... you find yourself having to deal with withdrawals. 

 

"How could it be possible that I am having withdrawals?" you have probably asked yourself - over and over again, a hundred times or more - because withdrawals happen only to people who get their drugs from someone on the street - not someone like me who was prescribed Benzos  by a doctor. 

 

You had no way of knowing that Benzos could or would blindside you in the way they did.

 

It may not be today or it may not be tomorrow, but you are going to heal.  How do I know this?  I know this because I, and thousands of other folks have healed.  Even on those days when you are hurting more than you did the day before, you are still healing - Silently and miraculously - you are still healing

   

When you have recovered, and YOU WILL recover, your dark skies will turn to blue again, and you will be blessed with an inner peace and tranquility that will follow you wherever you go - for the rest of your life.

 

Merry Christmas, and a very, very happy New Year.

 

pj

[[iw...]]

I needed to read this today.  Thank you for your inspiring post, pj.

[[...]]

Merry Christmas

 

What a wonderful gift it would be indeed, if all you courageous folks were suddenly healed and your precious life that was stolen from you, and gotten lost, came silently tip-toeing back to you on Christmas Eve night, wrapped in a big red ribbon.

 

You may not get your life back by Christmas Eve this year - but that's okay, because healing may happen to you even long before that first day of Spring, when the colorful Tulips make their grand appearance.

 

Many of you who are going through withdrawals probably do not feel like dealing with all the added stress, and anxiety that can go sky high during the Christmas season.  Just do the best you can, and try not to worry about it.  There will be many more Christmases in your future. 

 

If you are a mother with little children to love and to take care of while you are struggling with those wicked withdrawals - my heart goes out to you.  I cannot imagine a more daunting task than taking care of little kids while dealing with withdrawals - especially at Christmas time.

 

Please do not feel that you are neglecting your kids.  You may not be able to be the so called 'Perfect Mom' right now, but that's okay.  Kids don't want a 'Perfect Mom'. They want a Mom that can make messes and mistakes just like they do.

Little kids, in all their unbridled innocence can be very forgiving, and understanding. 

 

It doesn't take a boatload of stuff to make them happy. 

A big hug, a little kiss on the cheek, and an "I love you" means more to them than anything with a price tag on it.   

 

All you dear people who are having withdrawals, and patiently looking forward to that long-awaited day when your symptoms are all gone and you have your life back - try to keep bravely fighting through your pain, and your fears.  Try to smile through your tears.  Miracles do happen, and they can happen to you.

 

I know those never-ending withdrawals may seem like two lifetimes to you, but when you are healed, the days and the months that you suffered from those horrible withdrawals will soon be forgotten.

 

You have to try and not think about all the whys and the what ifs that brought you to the place where you are in your life right now. 

You have to try and believe, with all your might, that you are going to heal, and you have try and not think about how long it is taking you to heal.   

 

As hard as it is for you right now to look forward to the future - traveling backwards to the time when you first took that Benzo - will just make you sadder, and less hopeful that you are going to heal. 

 

When you are healed, the time that you lost to those withdrawals will seem like no more than a mere second was taken out of your life, because when you have healed, you are going to have many, many more days, months, and years ahead of you to enjoy and cherish your life with a new found zest and appreciation for all the wondrous things that you have to look forward to.

 

Believe me, I understand why you may be feeling the way you do.  You are the type of person who was always cautious when taking any kind of drugs or medications.

You never used drugs recreationally, and now, through no fault of your own ... you find yourself having to deal with withdrawals. 

 

"How could it be possible that I am having withdrawals?" you have probably asked yourself - over and over again, a hundred times or more - because withdrawals happen only to people who get their drugs from someone on the street - not someone like me who was prescribed Benzos  by a doctor. 

 

You had no way of knowing that Benzos could or would blindside you in the way they did.

 

It may not be today or it may not be tomorrow, but you are going to heal.  How do I know this?  I know this because I, and thousands of other folks have healed.  Even on those days when you are hurting more than you did the day before, you are still healing - Silently and miraculously - you are still healing

   

When you have recovered, and YOU WILL recover, your dark skies will turn to blue again, and you will be blessed with an inner peace and tranquility that will follow you wherever you go - for the rest of your life.

 

Merry Christmas, and a very, very happy New Year.

 

pj

 

You're welcome, iwsth

 

Keep reminding yourself that withdrawals are temporary.  Keep reminding yourself that you are stronger than any benzo.  Keep reminding yourself that you are going heal.  Keep reminding yourself that you are going to get your life back.

 

Be kind to yourself.  Try to find a reason to smile, and when the sun is shining, if you are able to, go for a walk - and dream of the day when words like benzos, withdrawals, windows, waves, depression, insomnia, and anxiety are all gone from your thoughts, replaced by words like, freedom, happiness, peace, contentment, and joy. 

 

When you have healed - memories of your horrible experience will soon disappear like a rain cloud being chased by the wind.  Your thoughts will be as clear as a piece of Waterford Crystal - your future as bright as the midday sun.

 

Peace and happiness to you

[[...]]

On April 1st, 2012 - five years ago, I posted my success story.

 

To all you courageous folks who are going through withdrawals, and fighting hard to get your life back, I wish you well, and I sincerely hope that one day, you too, will be posting your success story. 

 

If withdrawals have turned your mind into a spinning, whirling, raging Tornado of twisted thoughts, and emotions, making you feel like a rag doll pinned to a clothesline - you're not alone.  Most folks going through withdrawals feel like that.

 

You are hurting in ways that you have never hurt before.

You were always cautious when taking any kind of medications or drugs, and now, through no fault of your own, you find yourself having to deal with withdrawals.

 

"How could I be having withdrawals?" you have asked yourself, over and over again - a hundred times or more.  "Withdrawals are something that people who received their drugs from the street get - not someone like me who was prescribed a drug by my doctor." 

 

Thanks to your doctor, who seemed to know very little about benzos, you were never informed about the addiction or the withdrawal side of such a powerful drug.  You had no way of knowing that benzos, could or would blindside you in the many ways that they have.

 

Try not to think about all the whys and the what ifs that have brought you to where you are in your life right now. 

 

Try not to let it upset you that no one, including your doctor, truly understand what you are going through.  Benzo withdrawals are an anomaly much too strange and much too weird to be fully understood by anyone.     

 

You are in pain.  You are confused in ways that you have never been confused before.  You are feeling let down by your doctor, by your friends and by your family, because they don't understand just how devastating and painful withdrawals can be, and how they can change a person's perception of what seems real and what does not seem real.

 

Folks in your life cannot grasp that some days you feel more like a Zombie than a Zombie feels like a Zombie.

 

Accept your symptoms, do not fear them. They will not last forever. The harm they do to you is temporary,(even though in your mind, because the benzos have told you so), you believe that those withdrawal symptoms are permanent, and they are never going to go away.   

 

If you have a cut or a bruise on your body, accepting that you are healing comes easy, because you can visually see the progress of your healing, not so, when it comes to healing from benzo withdrawals.  Even though you cannot always see the healing that is happening to you on the outside, your body continues its silent, and miraculous healing on the inside.     

 

You must accept the fact you are most likely in that group of folks who's bodies, for a whole host of reasons, are ultra - sensitive to some drugs, especially the Benzodiazepine class of drugs.

Because you are most likely overly sensitive to benzos, your Central Nervous System took quite a hit, and has been injured in a more extreme manner than you or your doctor could have ever imagined that it would be or that it could be damaged. 

 

You must accept the reality that you are not going to be completely healed until your CNS has completely healed.  And that takes time.

 

Because we are Human Beings with the capacity to love, to hate, to make decisions, and to feel pain, we are prone to having many internal struggles going on within us that cause us to have periods of stress, heightened anxiety, insomnia or depression. 

 

When these conditions became more severe, and you could no longer deal with them on your own, you sought help from your doctor ... and Benzodiazepines entered your life, and they changed your life.  You began to question things in your life in ways that you had never done before.

 

Because of the profound impact that withdrawals have had on you, you have learned much more about yourself.  You are more aware of your strengths and of your weaknesses.

You realize, in ways that you didn't in the past, that there will always be situations in your life that will cause you  some anxiety, insomnia, some stress or some depression.  Because of your coming to terms with, and understanding your benzo withdrawal experience, you realize that these things are just a part of living life in a fast-paced society. 

 

After your horrifically confusing and painful battle with benzo withdrawals, you know that there are better ways to cope with all that life throws at you.  You now understand that taking drugs like benzos, only serve to numb you, and keep you isolated from the real world. 

 

With the passage of time and all that you have learned, and endured during the healing process, chances are, when you cross that finish line and you are indeed healed - you will be a much wiser, and a much healthier person,  physically and mentally.

 

No matter what their station in life, the folks who come here all share the same fears and the same hopes, the same desires, and the same goals.  And that goal is to be free from benzos - free from withdrawals, and free from the almost prison-like environment that benzos have sentenced them to for such an absurdly long time.

 

Someday, when you are not expecting it to happen, you will be in for a wonderful surprise - those chains that bound you to withdrawals will have been  broken by time, the magical healer.  And then you will be healed, free to live your life drug free, and withdrawal free.

 

Then you will know the true meaning of freedom.  Then you will know the true meaning of happiness.  Then you will know the true meaning of peace, and contentment.

 

Remind yourself daily that withdrawals are temporary.

 

Be kind to yourself.

 

Try to find a reason to smile.  Take a walk in the sunshine and dream of the day when words like benzos, withdrawals, windows, waves, depression, insomnia, and anxiety that are associated with withdrawals - are all gone from your thoughts - replaced by words like freedom, happiness, peace, contentment, and joy. 

 

When you have healed, memories of your horrible benzo withdrawal experience will soon disappear like a dark rain cloud being chased away by the wind.  Your thoughts will be as clear as a piece of crystal, and your future as bright as the midday sun.

 

When you have healed - all the best pieces of your life that were taken away from you by those withdrawals, and scattered like driftwood upon an angry Sea, left to drift aimlessly on a wave of uncertainty - will come rushing back to you, making you whole again - in body and in spirit.

 

Dare to dream about what you will do with your life after you have recovered, because life, like dreams - are all about second chances.

[[ci...]]

PJ, you have such a kind loving heart. Thank you, Cindy

[[so...]]

PJ,

 

Thank you for keeping us in your heart and your thoughts.

 

Sofa

[[Ni...]]

Love this PJ, thank you.

[[...]]

I often think of you PJ, what a true gentle soul. Bless you, much needed as still suffering relentlessly. You give us hope 

[[Co...]]

Bless you.  I'm moved to tears that you've come back to give us hope.  I'm three months off, and just paralyzed at the moment with fear, anxiety, and depression.  I, too, went through interdose withdrawals all the time from this darn stuff, and suffered from it for years not knowing what was wrong with me, until I finally cold-turkeyed.  I know you were 15 months off when you wrote your success story - I know I'll survive somehow if I have to make it through another year or more, but I don't know how.  Reading stories like yours really does give me hope.  Thank you.

[[...]]

I want to thank all of you for your very kind words

 

marj, Niners, sofa, and cindys - I will take those kind words and send them back to you, as they are very fitting words to describe each and everyone of you very special people.

 

pj 

[[...]]

Bless you.  I'm moved to tears that you've come back to give us hope.  I'm three months off, and just paralyzed at the moment with fear, anxiety, and depression.  I, too, went through interdose withdrawals all the time from this darn stuff, and suffered from it for years not knowing what was wrong with me, until I finally cold-turkeyed.  I know you were 15 months off when you wrote your success story - I know I'll survive somehow if I have to make it through another year or more, but I don't know how.  Reading stories like yours really does give me hope.  Thank you.

You're welcome.

 

Yes, you will survive   And how are you going to survive? 

 

You are going to survive by staying positive. 

 

You are going to survive by not thinking about your withdrawal symptoms for one or two hours every day.

 

You are going to survive by walking in the sunshine, hand in hand with Mother Nature, that very wise lady who teaches us so much about beauty, contentment, peace - and survival.

 

You are going to survive by reminding yourself, over and over again that withdrawals are temporary. 

 

You are going to survive by having and believing in hope - that, silent, invisible force that whispers to your heart "carry on, no matter how dark the day or how lonely the night."

 

You are going to survive by being yourself - that kind, thoughtful person who is going remind herself every day that she is going to heal from her benzo experience, and go on to live a happy, a productive, and a very fulfilling, awesome life.

 

I do wish you well.

 

pj

[[iw...]]

pj, I needed to read this today.  I'm at almost 13 months since I stopped Clonazepam, and I'm still struggling.  Last night I almost had a nervous breakdown.  The tinnitus and depression are taking me down.  I don't know how much longer I will last.  Your words are giving me some hope, though.  I'm trying to push through.  Did you really heal at 15 months or did it take longer?  I'm so afraid I will never get better.