An experience like no other

[[Co...]]

:thumbsup:All I can say is I get such a sense of ease and delight reading your words pj.... Always amazes me that you continue to come back and offer encouragement- much appreciated friend!

[[An...]]

Thanks so much pj - my withdrawal and healing has taken so much longer than I ever imagined. It was unbelievable to me at first but I'm trying to accept it. Thanks so much again!!

[[ci...]]

PJ, thank you so much, everytime I start to doubt my recovery, I will read your success story, it always gives me hope no matter how many times I read it. Thanks for still hanging in here with us, so many BBs don't come back to remind us that we will heal, and we always need that continued reassurance that you always provide. Thank you

[[...]]

Angelprint and cindys

 

You guys are so kind, and so darn nice.  I don't know why it is, but it seems like everyone who is going through benzo or ambien withdrawals have been blessed with having so much kindness, and so much goodness in their heart. 

 

A bushel basket full of good luck to you both

 

pj

[[...]]

:thumbsup:All I can say is I get such a sense of ease and delight reading your words pj.... Always amazes me that you continue to come back and offer encouragement- much appreciated friend!

 

Thanks, CoACO.  Sometimes it amazes me too, that I still come around.  After writing my success story I figured in a week or two, I would hop on a fast moving express train and hightail it out of Dodge. 

 

A couple of times I even posted a farewell speech saying I was leaving, and I received some of the kindest, warmest, heartfelt responses from people who have to be some of the nicest folks on this Earth.  But, because I have that lingering soft spot in my heart for the wonderful folks who are minute after minute suffering from those awful withdrawals, I found it to be exceedingly hard to pull up stakes and leave. 

 

So, long story short, when I can, (I work some pretty long hours) I come back to the success story forum to say a few words of encouragement to those who are struggling from what has to be one of the most painful, and confusing experiences of a lifetime.   

 

Hundreds of years ago, Gautama Buddha stated that everything that has a beginning has an ending.  So eventually I will be on that express train heading out of Dodge, it's just that, right now that train is moving a little slow. 

 

Take care. 

 

pj

[[Te...]]

Thanks, pj!  I read your post, but not all of the replies (119 pages!)  It is helpful to read that this does end.

[[...]]

Thank you  I needed this today.

[[...]]

Thanks, pj!  I read your post, but not all of the replies (119 pages!)  It is helpful to read that this does end.

 

You're welcome, Ted.  It does indeed end, albeit not as quickly as we would like it to. 

 

Good luck to you!

 

 

[[...]]

Thank you  I needed this today.

 

You're welcome,

 

I hope you had a good day.

[[pi...]]

:thumbsup:All I can say is I get such a sense of ease and delight reading your words pj.... Always amazes me that you continue to come back and offer encouragement- much appreciated friend!

 

Thanks, CoACO.  Sometimes it amazes me too, that I still come around.  After writing my success story I figured in a week or two, I would hop on a fast moving express train and hightail it out of Dodge. 

 

A couple of times I even posted a farewell speech saying I was leaving, and I received some of the kindest, warmest, heartfelt responses from people who have to be some of the nicest folks on this Earth.  But, because I have that lingering soft spot in my heart for the wonderful folks who are minute after minute suffering from those awful withdrawals, I found it to be exceedingly hard to pull up stakes and leave. 

 

So, long story short, when I can, (I work some pretty long hours) I come back to the success story forum to say a few words of encouragement to those who are struggling from what has to be one of the most painful, and confusing experiences of a lifetime.   

 

Hundreds of years ago, Gautama Buddha stated that everything that has a beginning has an ending.  So eventually I will be on that express train heading out of Dodge, it's just that, right now that train is moving a little slow. 

 

Take care. 

 

pj

 

My train did a u turn pj!!

 

I came back from the most wonderful bonding months with my granddaughter and missed her so much I was ready to leave again.  I decided a good use of my time would be to come back to BB and be productive instead of mope around.  Winter has curtailed some of my usual outdoor activities so perhaps when the seasons change I'll be also heading out of Dodge.

 

Wishing you all the best,

 

PG 

[[...]]

PJ,

Thank you for the encouragement, your story gives me hope.  So happy you are healed.  I'm still continuing to struggle whether or not my symptoms are withdrawal tolerance or some horrible undiagnosed illness.  I fear it's something I'm clinging to just because it's convenient for me to hang my hat on benzo w/d because I've been searching for answers to the cause of all this since September 2014.

Did you ever struggle with this?

So happy you are healed PJ. 

Kyra

 

 

[[...]]

Hi pianogirl

 

I cannot begin to imagine the emptiness you must have felt when you had to leave your Granddaughter.  Thankfully, there is Skype.     

Nothing lights up our life, and give us more joy than does an innocent, inquisitive child with their sweet smile and their gentle ways.   

We both have been here for a long time.  We have met many nice folks, and we have seen many changes to this site that have kept it what it is - A unique, warm, and wonderful place where folks can heal - in a safe, loving, environment.

 

I take my hat off to you, and all the other Administrators, and moderators for always keeping it that way.

 

The best to you, always.  Watch out for those trains that make U turns

 

pj

[[...]]

PJ,

Thank you for the encouragement, your story gives me hope.  So happy you are healed.  I'm still continuing to struggle whether or not my symptoms are withdrawal tolerance or some horrible undiagnosed illness.  I fear it's something I'm clinging to just because it's convenient for me to hang my hat on benzo w/d because I've been searching for answers to the cause of all this since September 2014.

Did you ever struggle with this?

So happy you are healed PJ. 

Kyra

 

 

 

Hi Kyra

 

Thank you, it feels so good to be healed.  The day will come when you are healed, too.

 

Before I realized I was having withdrawals from benzos, like most folks, I thought I had every disease in the book.  I went to the doctor many times, only to be told that they could find nothing wrong.  My doctor didn't realize it was benzo withdrawals.  When I found BenzoBuddies is when I realized that I was having withdrawals.

 

After a year went by, and I still wasn't healed, I began to doubt myself, and I began to think that maybe all that was going on with me was not withdrawals.  But, that was the benzos making me think that way, benzos are known for putting negative thoughts in our mind.  Because of all the tests that I had done that came back negative, I knew it had to be withdrawals.

 

If you've been checked out by a doctor and they could find nothing wrong, and if you DID NOT have the symptoms that you NOW have - before you took the benzos, then you can be assured that it is all withdrawals.  If you ever feel that what you are experiencing may be something other than withdrawals, by all means, see a doctor.  Everyone recovers from having taken benzos, and so will you.

 

The very best to you.  And good luck.

 

pj

[[...]]

Thank you PJ, it helps me a great deal to read that you went through this too.  I can not even begin to tell you how many doctors I've been to, how much blood work I've had done and how many tests I've had done.  The one thing that was found was a left frontal lobe lesion on mri which of course I freaked out but 3 neurologists (including a neurosurgeon oncologist) assure me is not the cause of my symptoms and is not a brain tumor. Still it's hard to believe, I keep going back to its the lesion causing all these symptoms.  The one thing that brings me somewhat back from panic mode is the lesion is on the left which controls the right side of the body.  My symptoms are on both sides and are usually symmetric when occurring.  And the symptoms were not there before ativan or vicodin.

I guess at some point, I have to let this go and have some trust in what the 3 neurologists have told me. 

Thanks again for sharing your story of hope, I'm encouraged these symptoms will one day stop so I can be me again.

Kyra 

[[Te...]]

PJ,

Thank you for the encouragement, your story gives me hope.  So happy you are healed.  I'm still continuing to struggle whether or not my symptoms are withdrawal tolerance or some horrible undiagnosed illness.  I fear it's something I'm clinging to just because it's convenient for me to hang my hat on benzo w/d because I've been searching for answers to the cause of all this since September 2014.

Did you ever struggle with this?

So happy you are healed PJ. 

Kyra

 

Hi, Kyra,

 

I am struggling with the exact same thing.  For me, it has been since early November, last year.  So, just rounding the three-month point. The main thing that makes me doubtful is that I only took benzos (Valium) for 2-3 months.  I'm not sure exactly the dose.  I got about 100 30mg pills from (two) doctors, and either 100 or 200 off the internet (my memory fails...). So, a total of 200-300 pills in 2-3 months. It seems inconceivable that that was enough to get me physically dependent to such a degree.

 

And yet, I just read PJ's response to you, and I can definitely say that no, I never had symptoms remotely similar to this before benzos.  And, things started to fall apart gradually after I stopped taking the, culminating in a complete breakdown in the beginning of Nov. It's also made hard to believe, though, because every doctor I've said is very confident that these are not benzo w/ds. At least one of those is an additions psychiatrist, and he assured me he has years and years of experience, and has treated 100s of benzo addicts.

 

Anyway, I am just doing what I can.  Putting one foot in front of the other, trying to take care of myself, and trying to have faith that I'll get better eventually.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

[[...]]

Ted,

It's definitely possible you are having w/d symptoms.  I understand your struggle to believe.  I've lost a lot of faith in doctors through this ordeal and honestly, it was lost some before this.  200-300 pills is nothing to wave away, it's pretty significant in my opinion.  I've read on here about people getting w/d symptoms after just a few weeks so 2-3 months can definitely happen.  You know, maybe you can start a thread asking others to reply that had w/d symptoms after short term use.  Just a thought.

I hope you feel better soon as well. 

Kyra

[[An...]]

Just had to respond - I only took ativan short term - 6 weeks and had a horrific cold turkey experience (1 week or so long), then reinstated to taper whichh took me 7 weeks with ativan. I'm now 5 months out since my last dose and am still in withdrawal. Have had a few good days here and there but for the most part always have symptoms every day. I now know withdrawal can occur after only a few weeks use. My dose was tiny but I'm extremely sensitive to medications of any kind, even Tylennol - can't take it. I had no idea how dangerous ativan and all benzos are. Some people take these meds without any withdrawal and have no trouble stopping them but honestly I think that's rare. I also suffered through interdose withdrawal and paradoxical effects from ativan all during taking it and my taper. Wishing all of us turn a wonderful corner so soon!! 

[[...]]

Thank you for the post Angelprint.  It's scary how psychiatrists just blow this off and tell us, oh just stop taking it. I thought I was in control but really the drug snuck up and had control of me the whole time.  It's scary this can even happen in such short term use. I see what I've unknowingly done to myself with over 2+ something years of different ativan doses and on and off of vicodin.  :'(

We will get through though, I know it! 

Kyra

[[An...]]

Thanks for your reply Kyra and for the hopeful message that we will get through this! 

[[...]]

Angelprint, I get through it by being so immensely thankful for the good days, it helps me cope better with the bad ones.  I feel like my Windows are getting longer and I've tried to analyze why, whether it's the Gabapentin helping with the neurological stuff, I don't know or whether it's the updose to 1.5mg I unknowingly did in November when I found a new psychiatrist.  It's hard not to analyze and find a rhyme or reason to the symptoms and the good and bad days.

 

I'm just trying to focus on the many positive stories (like PJ) of hope and healing and know that is what's to come for us all.  The not knowing when and not being in control is the hard part but it will come. 

Kyra

[[...]]

Hi guys,

 

I know how concerned you are, so I wanted to post some of my thoughts to you, some of those thoughts, I have previously posted.

 

It seems to make no difference whether someone has taken benzos for two weeks or for two years, their withdrawals can be the same, and they can last just as long.  Weird, isn't it?, But lets face it, benzos are one weird, strange, insidious drug.  Addiction, and tolerance to them can be exceedingly fast.

 

Withdrawing from benzos can make you very scared and confused, because

you have never experienced anything like it before.  ( you didn't need me to tell you that, did you? ) because every day you are living with the pain and the confusion caused by those withdrawals.

I found, that to accept your withdrawals for what they are; a temporary, painful, confusing disruption in your life that you WILL recover from, may lessen your stress and anxiety some.  It did for me.

 

Benzos almost always hit most everyone with the same type of withdrawal symptoms, but the severity, and the intensity of those withdrawals, and how long those withdrawals will last is so different for each person, because we are all so different, and unique in the way we were wired at birth.  That is why no one can tell you exactly how long it will take you to heal.

So if someone seems to be healing faster than you are, try not to become discouraged or start thinking that you are not going to heal.  Believe me, you're going to heal. 

 

You are probably wondering what you can take to ease your withdrawal symptoms or speed up the healing process.  I wish I could tell you there was something that would lessen the pain of your symptoms or make you heal faster, but the hard truth is - NO - there really isn't.

 

Time and patience and distraction are what it takes for you to heal.  I would like to add, that some folks find some relief from taking Benadryl.  It gives them some sleep, when sleeping is virtually impossible.  It should be taken only a couple of times a week, starting with a dose that is less than the recommended dose, because, like me if you are sensitive to most medications, you want to be cautious.

 

The sad truth is, as long as there are doctors who continue to prescribe benzos without alerting their patients to the potential dangers associated with this class of drug, there will always be folks who mistakenly go cold turkey or do too rapid of a taper [...] them, through no fault of their own, a ridiculous amount of pain, and a horrendous amount of anxiety.   

 

Many doctors most likely have never seen a patient who suffered from benzo withdrawals, because the majority of people who have taken benzos have no problem while being on them or getting off of them.  That's why, when someone who has been taking benzos goes to their doctor trying to explain all the weird, painful, and confusing things that are happening to them, most doctors do not have a clue as to why that person is suffering so badly. 

 

So they may do many tests to try and find out what is wrong with you.  When all those tests results come back negative,   

they tend to believe it's all psychosomatic - telling us it's all in our mind - telling us that we must be imagining it. 

 

Hopefully, doctors will someday come to the realization of just how powerful benzos are, and that benzos are a drug that a small minority of the population have an extremely low tolerance for, and for those folks withdrawals are indeed real, and not imaginary.

Do not be afraid to change doctors if your doctor is not benzo wise.  It's your body, it's your pain, it's your future, and it's your life, so you deserve to receive sound advice from a doctor who cares what happens to you.       

 

Don't feel like you have to travel on this journey all alone.  Reach out to the folks on this site.  Ask questions.  Seek answers.  Take solace, and comfort in the fact that literally hundreds, and hundreds of folks who have been a part of BenzoBuddies have healed from their encounter with benzos, and they have moved on to enjoy a happier, more peaceful kind of a life.   

 

I have to rush off to work.  Just wanted to say a few words to you fine folks, because I will always remember how badly benzos affected me, and how worried and confused I was.

 

I hope you all have a nice day.

 

pj

 

[[ma...]]

Hi PJ

 

Its always great to read your posts, so inspiring, so supportive and always thinking of our members. Like me you are so very passionate in helping members to get through this awful journey.  We know there's often little or no support out there for benzo folk.

 

You are right it matters not how long or what dosage one takes.  Everyone's withdrawal is unique.  I met friends similar dose and length of time as me, recovery time was completely different.  Its unfortunate, sometimes members taking small dose short time can sometimes take as long as members who have taken it a few years.

 

Withdrawal is such a difficult journey, there is no quick fix, its tough but its temporary, we do recover eventually.

 

Its a privilege to know you,( virtually) my friend, thank you for continuing to take the time to post support

 

Margo :smitten:

 

[[Te...]]

Thank you very much, Kyra, Angelprint, and PJ. It helps a lot to read your posts. Kyra, you mentioned you're taking Gabapentin.  I just started seeing a new psychiatrist, and the first thing she did was prescribe Gabapentin for me.  I'm really, really scared to start taking another mood-altering drug. I've told her this, but she is firm that this will help me.  She even made me sign a paper that says that I will follow her instructions, otherwise she'd refuse to see me.

 

I've read conflicting stuff on BB, here, about it.  Some say that it helped them.  Others that it was really hard to get off of -- a whole new set of w/d sx.  What's your experience?

[[No...]]

Ted ... sorry for butting in ... if you have to sign something agreeing to a treatment you are not sure of ... it may be time to see someone else ... just my opinion ...

 

[[Te...]]

I don't mind your sharing your opinion. I agree with you. I've been psychiatrist shopping ever since this whole ordeal began, and I'm still not happy (at all).