An experience like no other

[[Mi...]]

that was a great write up, outstanding and inspirational 

[[...]]

Hi Mike,

 

Thank you.

 

As you begin to navigate your way around this site, you will soon discover, that since it's inception, BenzoBuddies has always been a very unique, and inspiring community comprised of many kind, knowledgeable, and understanding folks who unselfishly help each other in a caring, nonjudgmental manner ~ as they slowly recover from what has to be one of the most frightening, painful and confusing experiences in their lifetime ~ Benzodiazepine withdrawals.   

 

Welcome, and good luck to you.

[[tr...]]

Pj..we had talked before and I was wondering if you had burning adrenaline rushes?  I'm so scared. My body is so sick and toxic feeling. I feel completely worn out. I thought about going to the hospital buy I know they will just attempt to give Me benzos. My cns is so messed up. I'm not sleeping beca use of the adrenal surges that burn me to my core. Any guidance would be wonderful...could this really be wd this far out? I'm really really scared. I feel like at any second my body and mind are going to snap. Naps are impossible and exercising brings my symptims on worse. Did you have the restless limbs??

[[...]]

Hi

 

I want to tell you that I have great empathy for all that you are going through.  It has to be so very painful, and scary for you.  I totally understand.  As I recall from talking to you before, you have a baby that is only several months old.

 

I did have restless legs, but what was more disturbing, was the pain and the burning sensation that I also experienced with those restless legs.  It was like electricity was flowing through them. 

 

The adrenaline rushes or surges that I used to get caused me to become hot all over, felt like I was on fire.  My  anxiety went through the roof - making me feel like I was having a panic attack, which I probably was, because like you, I was scared.  I couldn't nap either or sleep at night for a long time.  I tried to exercise , but walking for more than five minutes,  the muscles in my legs would begin to tighten up and burn something awful.

 

I didn't go to the doctor, because after researching benzo withdrawal symptoms, I knew that what I was experiencing was all benzo related.

 

I want to caution you, that if you ever get a 'gut feeling' that some of the things you are experiencing may not be withdrawal related, do not hesitate to see a doctor.  If they want to give you benzos, you can refuse them, because like most folks on this site, you are probably extremely sensitive to benzos, something your doctor most likely will not understand.  Some do understand about benzos, and some do not.

 

Because of all the ways you are hurting right now,

I know it's not much comfort to you in my saying that this will all end one day. But as hard as it is, and as painful as it is for you right now, you must believe that that those withdrawals will all end one day, because it's true, they will end.

 

No one can tell you, with any certainty, just when those terrible withdrawals will all end, because our bodies are all so different when it comes to how severe our withdrawals are, and how long those withdrawals will last.  It took me fifteen months to recover from a cold turkey from Ativan and Ambien.

You will  begin to have 'windows' where some of your symptoms are gone, and you will start to feel somewhat normal again.  The frequency of those windows will gradually increase until your symptoms are all gone and the struggle will be over, and you will have recovered.

 

I know it's scary for you, and very confusing.  I wish I could give you a big hug, and assure you that everything will eventually be okay, because it will be okay. 

 

What you are going through right now is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to face.  When you get through this, and you will, you will be the strongest, the most patient, and the best mom to that little baby, than any [...] in the world could possibly be.

 

With all my heart, I do wish you and your baby the best, believe me I really do.  If I could, I would take some of those withdrawals away from you, and give them to myself, because I don't have a young baby to care for like you do - and that has to be so very hard, but because of your struggle, you will have a bond with your baby that can never be broken.

 

Take good care of yourself, and try not to be scared.  Things will work out.

 

pj

[[tr...]]

Pj: were u this bad this far out?  This concerns mw grately that I'm still this I'll and will never heal. If I go protracted at this, severity I'm nit sure I csn Carry on.

[[...]]

Hi,

 

It's been fourteen months since you did a c/t, and you still haven't healed.  That seems like an awful long time, and in the real world it is a long time, but in the world of benzo withdrawals, where it can take some folks up to two years to heal, 14 months isn't that long, even though it seems a hundred times longer than that, because every day is a day filled with so much pain and anguish. 

 

It's only natural for you to be worried and scared that you will never heal.  Just like you - me and thousands of other folks also thought we would never heal, but we did, and so will you.  The benzos are infamous for planting negative thoughts in a person's mind, making it hard for them to stay positive. 

Going c/t put a tremendous amount of stress on your CNS, so it's going to take time for you to recover.  There really is nothing available that will quicken your pace of recovery, because time is what it takes for your CNS to repair itself.

 

At fourteen months off, I was pretty much healed, except for some neck and shoulder pain.  Healing time from benzos is so uncertain for each individual, who knows - two months from now you could be completely healed. 

 

When you get discouraged, and you start believing that you are never going to heal, you have to, no matter how much it hurts, you have to reach way down to the very core of who you are, further than you ever had to reach before, and find the strength, and the determination to carry on.   

 

Does your family support and encourage you?  If not, you may want to start a blog.  You can do it here: 

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=88.0

 

It's important that you receive lots of reassurance, support, and encouragement.  Starting your own blog will give you that much needed support from members who understand exactly what you are going through.  There are some really nice folks on this site, who, if you reach out to them, they will be happy to be a friend to you during this painful time in your life.

 

There are days during withdrawals when all a person can do is to cry.  That's okay.  Sometimes tears can soothe a person, when words cannot.

 

Again, I wish the best.

 

pj

 

[[63...]]

PJ,

 

Just wanted to reach out to you and let you know how much I enjoy reading your posts. You have such compassion and empathy, it is really something! There is something about reading words of encouragement from someone who has come back after they have healed that is so special. I can't thanks you enough for doing this.

 

I'm still grinding away here, still in withdrawal. I just passed 8 months benzo free after a 18 month taper and 27 years of Klonipin. It feels so good to be benzo free, and to know that I am this far out. However, from months 6 to now have been the most difficult in terms of symptoms and their intensity. That said, I have had the most healing in this period as well, and I think that the two go hand in hand. I think that the increased healing in my "base" has allowed me to be able handle the increased intensity of these symptoms...at least that's what I'm telling myself!

 

I truly hope that you are doing well, are able to live life to the fullest! -R.

[[...]]

Hi Robert,

 

You have fought a battle of almost biblical proportions in order to free yourself from Klonopin.  I congratulate you for achieving such an admirable feat.  To do so, undoubtedly took a lot of courage and determination.

To be free from Klonopin after taking it for twenty seven years, doing an 18 month taper, dealing with a bushel basket full of withdrawal symptoms and not giving up, is truly an amazing accomplishment for which you can be very proud.

 

Thank you for your kind words to me, but I don't feel that I have any more compassion or empathy than you do or anyone else does who has been through benzo withdrawals. 

 

Reading about how others are hurting from this terrible drug, and our own experience with benzos, makes us all much more compassionate and empathetic towards those who are suffering; be it from withdrawals or from other events that affects one's life in a negative way. 

 

May you soon be completely healed.

 

Happy holidays.

 

pj

 

 

 

[[Sw...]]

pj, thank you for that inspirational post.

[[...]]

pj, thank you for that inspirational post.

 

You're welcome. 

 

The very best to you, Sweet pea.  I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year.

[[...]]

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

 

To all of you who have healed, congratulations to you on a job well done.  To achieve that long-awaited milestone took you on a journey that was like no other.  You fought hard.  You never gave up.  May your new life have an abundance of peace and happiness in it. 

 

To those of you who are still fighting courageously every day, waiting to heal, may the upcoming new year find you completely healed.  May the horrible nightmare that was your past, turn into your joyous dream of the future, where peace, not pain, will be your constant companion.

 

Share the love.

 

pj   

[[Mo...]]

Thank you pj, wishing you a Happy Christmas , enjoy the Holidays.

[[63...]]

Bless you PJ!

 

Thinking of you and wishing you a joyous Holiday and a very happy new year!

 

 

[[pa...]]

All the blessings to you PJ, a holy beautiful Christmas and New Year to you.

 

Hugs, Pattylu

 

[[...]]

Thank you Morreweg, Robert, and patty.  I had a very nice Christmas, I hope that you guys did, too.

 

Christmas holds a very special meaning for me now, because when I went cold turkey (four years ago), it was ten days before Christmas.  My world was dark and dreary then, sort of how an unlit Christmas Tree looks.  Now, my world is bright and cheerful, like a lit Christmas Tree looks.

 

Happy New Year to you.  I hope your world is bright and cheerful, too  

 

pj

[[Ja...]]

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas. Still waiting for healing. Better, but not there yet. 2015 should be my year! Best wishes for a happy new year!

[[...]]

Thank you, Jazzy.

 

This morning, I looked out my kitchen window, and much to my delight, I was greeted by almost 4 inches of new snow that had fallen softly throughout the night.  It was as if the world outside my house had morphed into a beautiful Currier and Ives painting.  When touched by the sun, the snowflakes that are clinging to the trees outside my window, sparkle and glisten brighter than the diamond ring on the hand of a just married Bride. 

 

I'm so glad that you are doing better.  Yes, 2015 should be your year, and with your positive attitude, it WILL be your year.  The power of positive thinking is indeed very real, and it can make doing the things in our life that seem to be impossible, possible.

 

A happy and healthy new year to you!

[[Ga...]]

☺️Dear PJ...

Wanted to drop in and wish you a calm, peaceful and happy new year.  This time last year you were offering me hope and healing and it touched me deeply, helped me to cope.  My Christmas then was a blur of sxs and depression, and I saw no future.  You kept telling me I would have one.  And to some extent I do though I am still suffering some sxs.  This Christmas was so much improved and this year I could enjoy my silly plastic Santa and Snowman in my front yard as well as put out my Santa collection in the house.  No tree, still not fully strong enough to decorate,  but as you, we woke up to 3 inches of white snow.  So special, here in the Rockies of Montana.  I am thankful for what I do have and I hope and pray that I will continue to improve.  Positive thinking! 😉

 

Thank you, dear friend,😍 for your compassion, your support and your fun side that has helped so many of us through this horrible road we travel to wellness.  Blessings to you, be well, you deserve it all.

Galea

[[...]]

Hi Galea,

 

When you mention your plastic Santa and Snowman, it makes me smile.  Three cheers for the beloved plastic Santa and Snowman who stand guard in your yard through the snow and rain, and never complain.  I think I'm beginning to appreciate those guys almost as much as you do!

 

It warms my heart to hear that you are feeling so much better.  I remember last year at this time when I felt so bad for you, because you were feeling so bad and hurting so much.  You wanted to enjoy the holidays, but you just couldn't. 

Just like 2015 will be Jazzy's year to completely heal from a drug that was supposed to help, not harm - 2015 will also be your year to heal. 

 

You will look back at those dark days from the past as if you were seeing them through a rear view mirror.  As you go forward towards the future, the view of the past through the rear view mirror of life gets further and further away from you until the past disappears, and all you can see ahead of you on the road to the future is whatever you want it to be. 

 

Remember reading where Frosty The Snowman came to life?  You'd better keep an eye on your silly plastic Santa and Snowman.  They will be so pleased to see you healed, they just might come alive and go dancing in the street.

 

You must love The Rockies of Montana so very much.  The rugged, Rocky Mountains, where Heaven touches the Earth; what a beautiful, inspiring sight to look upon as folks absorb all the beauty that Mother Nature unselfishly shares with one and all, no matter what their station in life is. 

 

Galea, my friend, I hope you have a blessed new year, with much happiness and continued healing.   

 

pj

[[ci...]]

bump...here kyra, PJ story to read

[[...]]

On April 1st, almost three years ago, I was so happy and so relieved to be able to write a success story declaring myself completely healed from an Ativan and Ambien cold turkey. 

Recently, I got to thinking about how hurting and confused I was when I joined this site, thinking I was never going to heal.  I thought about how much it meant to me to be healed, and being able to write a success story.  I thought about all the new members here who are hurting and are probably as confused as I was when I found BenzoBuddies; they too, thinking they will never heal.

 

After doing all that thinking, I thought the fitting, and proper thing to do was to to come back to BenzoBuddies for a few minutes to reassure you new members who are still waiting to be healed, that you Are going to heal.  Everybody heals.  You are no exception.  You WILL heal from your benzo experience.

 

As a constant reminder to yourself that you are going to heal, if you want to, you can take a sheet of paper, and in bold letters write on that paper:  I Will Be Positive.  I Will Be Patient.  I Will Heal.  You can put that paper on your fridge, and read it every time you open the refrigerator door, and before you know it, you will be healed - able to eat anything in that fridge without asking yourself; "should I or shouldn't I eat that."

 

There really are no words that can capture or explain that surreal feeling you will have when you are free from benzos, and completely healed.  Think back to the happiest day in your life, and that day will pale in comparison to the euphoria you will feel when you look in the mirror and say to yourself:  "I did it.! I made it.! I survived.!"

 

I see lots of new names here.  I no longer see many names from the past, and that makes me a little sad, but it also makes me happy, because all those anonymous folks who I admired so much who had all those unique usernames, have all most likely recovered and moved on with their life.

 

Withdrawing from benzos can make you very scared and confused, because you have never experienced anything like it before.  ( you didn't need me to tell you that, did you? ) because every day you are living with the pain and the confusion caused by those withdrawals.

I found, that to accept your withdrawals for what they are; a temporary, painful, confusing disruption in your life that you WILL recover from, may lessen your stress and anxiety some.  It did for me.

 

Benzos almost always hit most everyone with the same type of withdrawal symptoms, but the severity, and the intensity of those withdrawals, and how long those withdrawals will last is so different for each person, because we are all so different, and unique in the way we were wired at birth.  That is why no one can tell you exactly how long it will take you to heal.

 

So if someone seems to be healing faster than you are, try not to become discouraged or start thinking that you are not going to heal.  Believe me, you're going to heal. 

 

You are probably wondering what you can take to ease your withdrawal symptoms or speed up the healing process.  I wish I could tell you there was something that would lessen the pain of your symptoms or make you heal faster, but the hard truth is - NO - there really isn't.  Time and patience and distraction are what it takes for you to heal.

 

Although I wrote my success story on April Fool's Day, I was not fooled.  None of my symptoms ever returned.  Benzo withdrawals were indeed an experience like no other in my life.  An experience I would never, ever want to happen to anyone else.

 

But, the sad truth is, as long as there are doctors who continue to prescribe benzos without alerting their patients to the potential dangers associated with this class of drug, there will always be folks who mistakenly go cold turkey or do too rapid of a taper causing them, through no fault of their own, a ridiculous amount of pain, and a horrendous amount of anxiety.   

 

Many doctors most likely have never seen a patient who suffered from benzo withdrawals, because the majority of people who have taken benzos have no problem while being on them or getting off of them.  That's why, when someone who has been taking benzos goes to their doctor trying to explain all the weird, painful, and confusing things that are happening to them, most doctors do not have a clue as to why that person is suffering so badly. 

So they may do many tests to try and find out what is wrong with you.  When all those tests results come back negative,   

they tend to believe it's all psychosomatic - telling us it's all in our mind - telling us that we must be imagining it. 

 

Hopefully, doctors will someday come to the realization of just how powerful benzos are, and that benzos are a drug that a small minority of the population have an extremely low tolerance for, and for those folks withdrawals are indeed real, and not imaginary.

 

Do not be afraid to change doctors if your doctor is not benzo wise.  It's your body, it's your pain, it's your future, and it's your life, so you deserve to receive sound advice from a doctor who cares what happens to you.       

 

Don't feel like you have to travel on this journey all alone.  Reach out to the folks on this site.  Ask questions.  Seek answers.  Take solace, and comfort in the fact that literally hundreds, and hundreds of folks who have been a part of BenzoBuddies have healed from their encounter with benzos, and they have moved on to enjoy a happier, more peaceful kind of a life.   

 

When you folks who are new here have healed, and you move on in your life, you will always remember those kind members who befriended you, listened to you, encouraged you, and understood you.  The people who went through withdrawals with you will not be forgotten by you, and you will not be forgotten by them - not for a very long time - maybe never.

 

Don't let it worry you if you notice that there are not that many success stories that have been posted, relative to the number of people who have registered at BenzoBuddies.  The majority of the folks, once they have healed, leave quickly, and never look back.

 

They just want to close the book on that part of their life - never again opening that book to the chapter where benzos withdrawals took over their life.  Who can blame them?  No one can.

 

Peace and happiness to you all. 

 

pj

[[An...]]

Thank you SO much for writing your story and your update!!! I am five months out today so I came to the success stories board for hope today and found it here in all you wrote!! Heartfelt thanks pj

[[ci...]]

PJ, thanks so much for coming back and posting, I needed your upliftng msg today. I am 10 months CT ambien and continue to suffer from physical and mental WDs. The good news is the mental sxs of the fear of being alone and the very dark depression has lifted. The rest of the physical sxs and anxiety are very slowly and gradually lessening. Today, I received news that my disability claim was denied, and my job will be eliminated, they do not recognize anbien WDs, nor to they recognize the mental torment I have been in for the past year because of WDs. I know that I have no control over this, I just need to focus on getting my health back.

 

The dangers of ambien are so unknown and not recognized. It is one of the top selling drugs in the US, and I know there has to be thousands suffering from the adverse effects of ambien w/o recognizing their ambien use is the culprit. At the right time, hopefully, once I recover, that is my new mission in life.....I have to to something to get the message out there...

 

Thanks so much, PJ. I just really needed to read your msg today...

[[...]]

Thank you SO much for writing your story and your update!!! I am five months out today so I came to the success stories board for hope today and found it here in all you wrote!! Heartfelt thanks pj

 

You're welcome, Angelprint.  Love that name

 

I wish you a speedy recover and many happy days.

 

Take good care of yourself.

 

pj   

 

 

[[...]]

PJ, thanks so much for coming back and posting, I needed your upliftng msg today. I am 10 months CT ambien and continue to suffer from physical and mental WDs. The good news is the mental sxs of the fear of being alone and the very dark depression has lifted. The rest of the physical sxs and anxiety are very slowly and gradually lessening. Today, I received news that my disability claim was denied, and my job will be eliminated, they do not recognize anbien WDs, nor to they recognize the mental torment I have been in for the past year because of WDs. I know that I have no control over this, I just need to focus on getting my health back.

 

The dangers of ambien are so unknown and not recognized. It is one of the top selling drugs in the US, and I know there has to be thousands suffering from the adverse effects of ambien w/o recognizing their ambien use is the culprit. At the right time, hopefully, once I recover, that is my new mission in life.....I have to to something to get the message out there...

 

Thanks so much, PJ. I just really needed to read your msg today...

 

Hi cindys,

 

I'm happy for you that some of your symptoms have lifted.  Fear of being alone, that one hit me pretty hard, too, which was so weird, because I always looked forward to my alone time. 

 

I'm so sorry about your denied disability, and your being faced with the additional stress of dealing with a soon to be eliminated job. Your withdrawals have caused you enough pain, you sure didn't need any more bad news.

Try to keep your chin up - things will get better.  After all that you have gone through - when you get your health back, you will be a stronger person. 

 

You will have more strength and courage than you ever had before, enabling you to carry out your noble mission of exposing the hidden dangers that lurk in the overly-prescribed drugs like ambien,

that promise a peaceful, restful night filled with pleasant dreams of pretty colored flowers and gentle butterflies, but when the flowers fade, and the butterflies disappear, we are left with nothing but nightmares, a body racked with pain, and a mind that resides in the Twilight Zone.

 

I wish you the very best.

 

pj