Forced To Fight...And Win! 15 months Healed Yes....

[[ja...]]

Lizzy 

 

Hello what a nice surprise. How are you feeling? I know you are really hurting lately I saw you took your last dose. Lizzy there may be times were your hurting and ,Times were you think is this something else? Did I do the rt thing? All these things come into our minds. But NO its nothing else.YES you did the rt thing! You on your way to Being all Healed and being so Healthy and Life will be so good again. You hang on Lizzy and keep your spirit strong and your going to be great !!!

 

Thank you for coming bye and saying that. I cant believe you read my story .Thats so nice. Im so glad if it gives you some Hope. It was HELLISH yes ..Thats for sure. Your going to be writing your Success Story to Lizzy . Hang in there my friend your doing really good.

 

~Jenny

[[...]]

hi jenny - i read your post over again to tap into the hope in there once again.

i know what u mean about some of the old friends jen;  it was disillusioning to think people were such good friends and see how easy they went away.  i know the initiative has to come from me at times but something has changed.  i guess maybe it is just time for new friendds or something;  can't quite figure it out yet i guess.

thanks for being there; thanks for your commitment to this cause;  it's an important one for sure.  such a terrifying thing

 

[[Ma...]]

Well, well, well, I have to come HERE to see all of you?  Jenny, Krock, Christine, Chris, Tam, Pam...love you all and just want you to know that I'm fighting alongside and though it still majorly sucks, I am so grateful for all of you for walking the walk.  For being honest.  For screaming when you have to, but then turning around in the next minute to help someone else.  I couldn't have gotten to 12 1/2 months without you all. 

 

CHICAGO 2012!!!  IT'S THE START OF SOMETHING BIG (or just something really silly and really fun)

 

xoxoxoxox

Mary

[Guest [...]]

Hey Jenny

 

Once again I came over to read your initial opening thread.  I know I should know it by now hey.  Wanted to know how you do cope when you become close friends with people and then they disappear I guess its par for the course isnt it.  I guess when chat was opened you got to know people well also.  I think its sad but obviously you cant make people hang around can you?

 

Im with you once Im through this I will be hanging around and helping as long as I can.  I think its healthy to have a break from the forum I was away for the longest time in months today and it felt nice but you know as soon as I come home Im back on.  Starting to think about spending more time with my kids who have had their mum MIA for so long.  Im starting to fall in love with them all over again.  Time to spend more time with them and less time on here im thinking.  However your cant just suck people dry and then go well see ya that would be a dreadful thing to do.

 

I hope you are doing ok.  Maybe I should post a song or two on your blog when I find some good ones hey.

 

Love to you

 

Lizzy

[[ja...]]

hi jenny - i read your post over again to tap into the hope in there once again.

i know what u mean about some of the old friends jen;  it was disillusioning to think people were such good friends and see how easy they went away.  i know the initiative has to come from me at times but something has changed.  i guess maybe it is just time for new friendds or something;  can't quite figure it out yet i guess.

thanks for being there; thanks for your commitment to this cause;  it's an important one for sure.  such a terrifying thing

 

Pan 

 

Im so sorry it took me a bit to get back to you. How are you honey? I think I read you need prayer.Well you have mine.I will always pray for your continued Strength and Health  and Overall Wellbeing...I'm so sorry your feeling down.. Hang in there this is tuff I know.But you will start to feel that depression lift. And the feeling of just not wanting to move or to do anything leaves to.

As for the friends this is a tuff one. I know you said you just cant put your finger on it.

Just lay low for a bit.Its a W/D sxs it makes us feel disconnected. So when it comes to friends our Lack of want or energy like we used to have can start flooding back..

Pan your a wonderful woman and anyone would be so lucky to have you in there LIVES..I know I am..

 

~Jenny

[[ja...]]

Mary my Girl...

 

So nice to see you pop in here and say hello. You have fought so hard and for so long. I am so happy and so proud of what you have done.

 

See ya in Chicago ... Your NOT driving Mary.So Sorry girl.But this is DP/DR were talking about Lmao.

 

Love you Mary

 

~Jenny

[[ja...]]

Sweet Lizzy..

 

Morning. I know its so hard when it comes to friends bailing. Im so sorry this is happening to you. I know what its like .No you should never have to make friends want to stick around.They should just know better. Im a hard one when it comes to this .I can take alot but when someone leaves at our most worst times I just Remove myself from there lives. I dont need them then. Sure its great when everything is fun .But Life isnt always Fun. Do me a favor Lizzy..Please try not to be to Hard on the friends you LOVE the most. They really dont know. they cant understand this. I think just be as calm as you can while your going through the hardest parts of this w/d and when it gets better then reconnect with them.

This is By far the most Lasting Residual effect I have. I have become very disconnected and lost alot of Love for them. I still till this day spend alot of my time Alone. I had to fight so Hard Alone that now Its where I prefur to be.... ALONE.

Its not healthy and I would hate to see you were I am.

Love those Kids of yours Lizzy they sound Beautiful. They must be so happy to have there Mommy back. Yay...

Yes spending more time in the real world and less time here is very good ..

I would love some songs Lizzy.I have been listening to the song you posted ...Better days.. So my kind of music...

 

Thanks for coming bye...Sleep Tight my friend

 

~Jenny

[Guest [...]]

lol Jen

 

I love that song and knew you would to here is another one of Petes songs Ive seen him live often and he is so boring in concert but his voice is amazing and he is easy on the eye as well always a bonus.

 

 

I know you will love this and yes im taking on board what you say about the friend stuff but will write more on that when im more awake. 

 

Lizzyxx

[[Co...]]

Hey Jenny, you alright? I just caught up a little while ago...would have posted more publicly but the thread is locked. I want you to know I love and support you always and that of course goes for Chris, KRock, and wellness too...I dont know...I dont think its abad thing at all to warn those who are going to detox, even if it scares them...it is so risky and they could be gambling with years of their life. I try very hard not to scare others if they have already done it...Anyway people here love you and appreciate you so I hope this controversy doesnt keep you away. Much, much love, Colleen

[[ja...]]

Colleen 

 

Thank you so much.. I am so grateful for you coming here and saying that. I am so upset at how I was Torn apart today. I was like What is going on here. Am I alone in this? Is Rock and I the bad ones ?I was like weres my friends lol.Colleen I think what happened today is people saw the Jenny that had to face this Beast of w/d and WON.. Thats the Fighter in me. And there was No way that people are going to come at KRock like that and me not Stand right by his Side .. I know sometimes he has a Heavy hand but geez..Its ok I know things get heated and people get excited .Its normal. But what I didnt like was me and Rock being displayed out there like that. I love that you came here to let me know how much you Care.. Im feeling better now. I was very Upset .and Im sooo Tired.

Colleen I could never let a few people Stop me from doing everything I can to help here the best I can. They cant stop me from Caring as much as I do.

 

Xoxoxoxo ~Jenny

[[Co...]]

Jenny, I dont think you did anything wrong at all...and I dont see anything wrong with disagreeing...I think when someone comes to the forum and posts they should know they might get replies they dont like...Laura has benn bashed a few times...lots of people have...I have been bashed too a couple of times. Im proud of you for standing up for yourself...its what people with conviction do...Im surprised the op actually reported replies to the admin...wow...I hope he continues to recieve posts after doing something like that. Im dumfounded he would turn on the people who really have his best interest in mind. Jenny you know I started meds for nerve pain finally...it wasnt up for discussion...Im sure I woulkd have gotten a lot of comments I didnt like...and even a close friend of mine posted right after I revealed what I started how bad the med I am on is...shes justing warning others...I didnt get all upset about it...Im an adult and I understand there are always two sides. Im glad you r doing better. Im here for ya cuz! xoxo Colleen

[[Ma...]]

I read a lot of that thread---to think that you would do ANYTHING but look out for someone's best interest is absolutely ludicrous!  I have a lot more to say about the whole thing, but I don't want anyone to come down on me---for actually caring to save someone the hell that I've gone through too. 

 

Love you more than you'll ever know for everything you've done for me!  I won't say you're an angel, because we know that saints are more valuable than angels! 

 

Call me if I can be a blessing to you today!

 

Mary

 

P.S. Krock's heavy hand has pulled me out of a major nosedive more times than I can count!  I will be eternally grateful to him for slapping me upside the head MANY times!  I wouldn't change a thing about how he communicates.  Seriously people---what's wrong with people who take the time to care??????

[[Ho...]]

Hi Jenny - I'm not on BB too much but I did read that one thread that was going on and so sorry that you took so much heat.  I think it was totally unnecessary all that was said on that thread...you were just being loyal and I admire you for that.  No one EVER could question your intentions here on BB - you have always been supportive to everyone....always right there to boost them up.  I didn't read the original thread so I can't comment on it, but I just want you to know that you are very much loved and admired here on BB. 

Lots of love

Hoping2BFree

[[ja...]]

Colleen..

 

I am so glad you said you saw my Loyalty! That's exactly it. I just had to stand there and Stay true to KRock and take whatever came my way! Hes worth it. And hes Honorable he has Integrity and Hes my Buddy here.Not everyone is going to Like him or me .But I do. and so many more.

I just knew I had to stay true and Truth would Show UP. No Matter What was said.

I'm so glad you went on some meds to help you with that pain. I knew you needed relief honey.You do sound in so much better Spirits!!!!

I love ya Cuz

 

Mary

 

Oh my Mary.. Thank You I am so happy you came bye to say that.I love you to..

 

It was hard Mary I didn't like everyone coming at KRock like that. Your so rt about his heavy hand and that hand has Lifted me out of the most Worst of conditions! He saved me from some serious life altering decisions.. Thank GOD...

Love you Mary

 

Hoping

 

That's so sweet Thank you so much I feel so much better now. You have said the nicest things to me Hoping ... I just really care here at BB and I had to Fight for what I thought was right. I may not have said the right things but my heart was Standing strong for what I believe. I took some Heat but in the End it was all worth it. If I was banned from here for going against the Majority then So be it I was ready. But I don't know any other way to be but real. I thought I may be burning some bridges here but If anyone can see me for who I am and always been then they will stand bye me.

Lots of Love back to you. Yay Hoping you made me smile from the inside out.

~Jenny

[Guest [CM...]]

Hey Jenny

I didn't read the thread and I don't want to, I'm with you and KRock. You've both been there for me countless times, hands down good friends!

Rehab sucks, unless there's a new rehab we don't know about being run by former benzo sufferers, then they have no clue.

I myself am a two time rehabber and the 2nd one nearly killed me. I left there 108 gray and blue and almost died. It's taken me 16 months to recover and I'm still not a 100%....I will be! Screw these rehabs for taking people's money and making false promises.

Sending you love and gratitude always!

Christine x

[[Ma...]]

Wow...let me take a breath here....

 

OK, first of all let me say that I have been so blessed by a number of people on this forum like you who have helped me to get through to 13 months off.  I would not be here today if it weren't for you, Krock, Tamzo, CMGMelo, Perseverance, Wellness, Real Deal and a couple dozen others who BOTHERED to take the time to post responses to my questions and concerns over the last 2 years.  I applaud those of you who stay here to help others by offering both objective and subjective information about what benzos do to brain/CNS function and what effect they can have in withdrawal and for how long.  Especially those of you who have had even more horrific withdrawal experiences than I have (and I can't believe I've lived through mine this long).  So often your responses and theirs were just encouragement to "hang in there" one more day.  Knowing that you all were doing the same gave me strength to endure.  I have never worshipped any of you or followed your stories/posts blindly because that would be dumb to do for anyone.  But I have incredible respect that you have reached out to others despite your pain like so many wonderful people here have done for years.

 

Sure there are people who can take benzos and then stop taking them with little consequence.  I was one of them the first couple of times I was on them for insomnia.  But what I didn't realize is that the longer you take them or the more often you go on and off (or for those who are most unfortunate to have a horrid reaction and damage very soon after starting) you are doing real damage (thankfully reversible) that can completely destroy your quality of life and challenge your will to survive.  Unfortunately no doctor I have ever known has told me this was possible so I have been so incredibly fortunate to have been here to learn that I'm not the only one who has had to go through this horror.

 

I have been so blessed to read your posts to other people too, especially when you weren't feeling great yourself, because you have a heart to help other people get through this.  Situations like this can make us bitter or they can make us better.  I hope that it is making me better and more compassionate to help others like you have.  Right now I find it hard to read painful posts that sound so much like me a year ago (and I apologize that this sounds incredibly selfish, but right now it's self preservation).  But at some point I hope to help make a difference in the lives of those who have been affected by benzos and ADs. 

 

I've felt bullied in the past on this forum--by people who were telling me to end my taper and cold turkey or take another drug (completely unsolicited advice) and I was grateful that I could message Pamster and have her address it with the people appropriately in a PM.  But most of the time I've been blessed to connect with people like you who want their experience to save someone else from pain.  I can't imagine a more noble endeavour.

 

I'm not here much, but I'm thrilled that I can come back and check in with people I love!

 

By the way--only 36 more days!!

 

Mary

[[St...]]

Hi Jenny,

 

I just wanted to say I hope this doesn't keep you from coming back to BB and continuing your much needed support to all of us that need your words.  I have since I discovered your existence watched for your postings, finding them very encouraging during this dark time. I have reached out to you and heard responses each time I did, and I so appreciate them.  You are such an example of what I want to be, supportive while going thru this and continuing to be there after I'm healed. I think you are a guardian angel to so many with your words.

 

I wasn't involved with what was being posted on for this judgement to be made.  I hadn't gone to a rehab so I didn't go to that thread.  I would feel very adamant if someone considered c/t and I would speak out against it. I wish someone had been able to step in and scare the hell out of me stopping me from that decision.  I was scared of being on benzos one second longer and thought relief was going to come from jumping.

 

I admire you for your loyalty to your friend and your words. You are a great lady and I hope you let your children know this about you. More people need to be there for one another in life.

 

Please come back,

love 

Sally

[[Co...]]

Dear Jenny, I'm so sad that you got banned...especially for speaking with conviction to defend yourself and your best friend KRock...I dint get it...yes things got heated and a little messy but benzos and life gets messy. It is ok for members to disagree because there really are no clear cut answers when it comes to benzos. Anyway I admire your strength and loyalty. I would only hope my best friend would stick by me too. I hope you come back Jenny...you are so special and so loved...and so strong and courageous as you proved the past few days. Much love, Colleen

 

Hi KRock, How are you doing...so upsetting what happened and you suffering still not recovered...I want you to know that I value you and your contributions here....there are all types of personalities here...that is a great thing because sometimes we need tough love and sometimes gentleness...sometimes humor.We also need truth, even when it is difficult to hear sometimes.  You bring all of that so I hope you come back and put this painful event behind you. I would miss you if you didn't . Know that I'm your friend always and support you. xo Colleen

[Guest [...]]

omg Jen r u banned

 

I know the thread was locked but didnt know you were locked as well lots of very sad faces.  Im going to miss you.  I was wondering where you were and you must be lonely as well and missing your friends like we are missing you.

 

Cant wait till you get back

 

Your friend Lizzyxx

[Guest [...]]

ok Im going to talk to you no matter what.  I miss you this really sucks big time. I read that thread and saw that it was locked but did not find the bit about you and Krock until today when I went in search of where it said that.  I dont think you did any wrong at all.  I must be blind but I just cant you were defending your friend.  I dont know Krock but you guys do and he obviously provided much support otherwise you wouldnt have developed such a good friendship.  How long is it going to take is the week nearly up or what.  Im worried about you as well are you coping ok mmm I hope so.  What r u going to do?  Not only have you been punished but we your friends have been punished to because I really do miss your company.  A friend pointed something out to me the other day some people just lay low and dont want communication but I dont cope like that I reach out and I know you do to.

 

BAD THINGS ABOUT NO JEN

 

1.  NO ONE TO SHARE MUSIC WITH

2.  NO C.T QUESTIONS ANSWERED

3.  NO WARMTH RECEIVED

4.  NO COMPASSION RECEIVED

5.  CANT FEEL HER WARM AND CARING ATTITUDE

6.  NO LISTENING EAR

7.  BORING

8.  NO WISDOM FROM HER YEARS OF EXPERIENCE

9.  MISS YOUR PASSION FOR US

10. MORE LONELY WITHOUT YOU

 

I miss you Jen Im going to find a song ok and ill post it here for when you get back. 

 

Love to you

Lizzyxx

[Guest [...]]

What about some of the sexy James to cheer you up

 

Lizzyxx

[Guest [pu...]]

Man,  Lizzy, you are cute!!

 

If that list doesn't lure Jenny back, I don 't know what will!

[Guest [...]]

 

Puffin aawww thanks

 

 

either my list or the sexy James will have to see what she says when she gets back haha.

 

Lizzy

[[we...]]

Jenny, I'm so sorry that people did not recongnize the incredible contribution that you have made on bb.  You are warm and compassionate and anyone who failed to recongnize this simply had their eyes and hearts closed.

[Guest [...]]

Ms Jen

 

Missed you more than anything today had a very crappy day.  Anxiety through the roof and just a general feeling of well crap.  Crap seems to be the word of the day.  this whole thing is crap you not being here is crap.  Its funny when part of your support network is taken away how bad you feel.  Cant imagine how you are getting by really you must miss it to.  Im raving on to someone thats not even here at the moment lol however Im sure you are here just not able to respond it must be driving you sooooo crazy.  However you may be enjoying the peace for all I know.  Did i tell you I had a CRAP day oh thats right I did.

 

Had my doctors nurse come over today she doesnt believe in withdrawal either.  aaahhh its so frustrating thats for sure.  Anyway its probably not even withdrawal for me I reckon its the other crap to the ad's and antipsychotics that have screwed my nervous system up and well made me literally mad. 

 

Took myself and my mum and son and his friend out to dinner tonight got dressed up looked good on the outside held my head up high and pretended I was normal (was quite difficult ill tell you) was looking into my sons beautiful blue eyes and thought mummy will be back one day my precious angel.  Quite sad and screwed up really.  Im so angry to have to go through this none of us deserve this ever to have to feel like this because of prescription medication.  So wished I would have stuck to the bloody wine. 

 

anyway dont get depressed reading this I just wanted to talk to you or in this case at you because your not here.

 

Much love my friend

 

Lizzyxxxxxx

 

actually going to grab a song be back in a sec.

 

what about this chick and her awesome voice i love her

 

what do you think