Forced To Fight...And Win! 15 months Healed Yes....

[Guest [CM...]]

http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs6/i/2005/067/d/b/The_4_musketeers_by_j_fujita.jpg

 

Melo x

 

 

[[...]]

hey jen- thanks for the note to me.  u r so kind

 

i don't know what happened that gave u some drama but i guess the thing is that whenever there is a blog like this where we are dealing with something we are all so serious about that sometimes things will be said and people will get their feelings hurt.  try to just let it go - whatever it is.  it seems like mabye you advised someone against detox.  i get that.  my friends have close to 30 years in aa many of them.  my one friend told me over and over that her goal was to keep me out of one of those places.  years ago i went into a treatment center and my mind was blown.  i imagine that you were trying to protect someone from having their mind blown and being shown how little help those places are.  i just met a nurse from a detox center and she said i should have been better in a few weeks.  over and over on here we see how little help the medical field is to us.  it's mind blowing.  anyway - mainly don't take anything personal that went on - whatever it was.  we buds on here are all doing the best we can during a really tough time.

 

you are and always will be the top angel on here in my mind.  u only want to help people.  you were kind and gentle on the remeron thing with me.  we all just take what we want and leave the rest.

 

i did not take the rem last night.  it was making me too slugglish and i think more dep.  of course i am not sure.  windows, waves, slams, man it's one big blur half the time.

just don't take your marbles and go home.  still play hard for us.  we need u.  we do.

this forum - people like you are such a big part of why i made it this far.

this has been horrific - HORRIFIC - for me Jen and i will never forget you for encouraging me thru it.  no kidding. 

you are a great and kind woman.  just don't act out back if people act out toward u.  keep in mind i have no clue what even happened so forgive me if i am out of line in any way.

you are so loved

friends forever, xoxo

a few tiffs on here - no biggie;  understandable. xoxo

[[Ta...]]

Hey Chicken Little  ,

 

I have not been on this site in a long time, for my own reasons, but when I heard that two of my friends were being attacked I needed to just jump on and say something.  I have no idea what was said, nor do I intend to read it.  Let's face it not everyone is going to like each other, that's life.  But usually people are grown up enough to keep their insults to themselves. 

 

When I joined this site I was in the beginning of my personal benzo hell.  KRock was one of the first members who made me laugh and feel comfortable here.  Some of his best advice to me was "keep on truckin" and "stick with the positive peeps".  How true those words are!  I also appreciate all the laughs and fun times in chat that helped distract from the nightmare that is withdrawal.  I also like that he was always direct and honest. 

 

Jenny, Jwow, my girly!  There is so much to say about you.  I think we clicked almost immediately in chat.  I can honestly say that I might not be here today if it weren't for Jenny.  When I was completely freaked out and suicidal from how bad this can get, Jenny was there with me with kindness, friendship, support, reassurance, prayer.  She never asks for anything in return.  I just hope I am half the friend she has been to me.  I am lucky that we have become friends outside benzoland and feel that she is one of those people that will be a cherished friend for life.  Jenny speaks from the heart, loves and loves big, helps those that are down.  Yeah, she can be tough when that's called for but it is always done with respect, caring and a pure heart.  I have spent hours talking with her and I feel that I can safely say that I know the real Jenny and she is a wonderful person!  People here have been lucky that she gives back so much of her time and energy to help others that are experiencing the same horrific experience she went through. 

 

Jen, I know you always hold your head high and have been through more than most people could ever endure.  I am so blessed to have you in my life!!!!  Thanks for being a REAL friend and support through the hardest time in my life.  I can't wait for more fun and more laughs.  ROAD TRIP! 

 

Love you mucho,

Tam aka Snooks

[Guest [...]]

hey Jen

 

is it time yet.  Time for you to get out of your naughty corner.  It seems like you have been gone for months not just a week. Well its Wednesday here in Aust.  so we are one day ahead of you perhaps they mean you can come out Aust. time lol.  anyway cant wait to talk to you.

 

 

Lizzyxxxx

[[KR...]]

Hey Jenny. I see your back from your 7 day vacation. I'm sure you got one heck of a tan. 

[[ja...]]

MR Rock !!!! Your Back!!!! Yippieee

 

LOL you know I didnt get a Tan! Your to funny. I just got done telling you how dark and stormy its been like all week.

Ive missed you Rock.. lmao for like 1 min .    Your the bestest Ever. And keep up your amazing hard work.Its paying off !

 

You know being away has been very good for me. The only problem as you know is its been very heavy on my Wallet..lol.

 

Its so nice to see you back Rock!!!

 

Ill be back in a bit to catch up on my thread.I have to say Thank you so much to Lizzy!!! Your one hell of a Woman my girl.I saw everyday your posts to me. You really are a True and Loyal friend my Aussi friend. Thank YOU.. In light of your friendship and sweetness I went and bought New shampoo and conditioner ..Thats a big dealo for me. I got AUSSI and I have to say my Hair Loves it!!!!

 

Wellness.Colleen.Pan Tamzo. you guys rock!!!! Puffin thank you guys for making me feel better while I was gone..Stillbelieving"Sally: Aww what amazing things you said to me it was sooo sweet!!!Thank you. Cmgmelo.. 24 days Yay!!

Mara!!! You are my Sista ...Love ya honey.

[Guest [...]]

wooohoooooo

 

 

I know your back I just saw your beautiful post on my blog and wanted you to know Im sooooooo happy you have returned and off course Krock it was probably the best week to have off really.  Anyway am so glad you got your new shampoo and conditioner yay to that.  So fill us in what did you do in your time off.  Was it tough reading but not posting?  That would have drove me even crazier lol.  I want all the news when you get time.

 

Love to you

 

Lizzyxxxx

[[ja...]]

Lmao Lizzy!

 

You have me laughing! Your so rt .Its Torture to not be able to respond.Its like hey wait everyone.Everyone just stop for like 1 week until Rock and I get back. No one respond to anyone lol.

Lizzy so funny you said that. It was one Crazy week in the Hood. I was like o Boy. I hope they don't get Sassy like I did. There might be some detentions going on around here. Na Actually I really understood the whole Point.You Break the Rules you pay the consequence! I mean have I broke rules??? Ummm .. Neva . Idk Truth is does the whole Body of BB need to be punished for having nothing to do with it? I don't think so! Should the people who broke rules get Grounded? Yes. But it is what it is. I think its so hard for the people who really need the PMs for guidance and support.I feel so bad that there down.But I so hope your doing OK Lizzy. I love James Blunt. Imma huge alternative and Chill kinda music kinda girlie. How about his new song . I wont give up on Us.Love it I sent that to my friend.. I'm just not giving up when it comes to this w/d and there Fight!

Its been a good week Lizzy . I have been shopping way to much. Ive been in touch with my friend everyday since being gone and making sure there doing OK! Glad to be back sweet friend.I'm glad to be able to chat with you and not just see it on the screen and be like OHHH Lizzy ..I'm HERE I'm HERE lol Im really here. Oh but you cant hear me! bahahah to funny. I really did that. I was like Rock did you see sweet Aussie friend Lizzy she to cute!Love her!

Thanks for being a constint friend Lizzy xoxoxoxo

 

P.S. Lizzy I probably wouldnt have even responded on that thread about the Pms. I have never not one time went on any controversy threads never.Its just not for me. Kinda Ironic huh lol

 

Love ya Honey

[[KR...]]

Jenny...Not being able to talk to you on here has been Horrible. I was so lonely after you left last week.... well at least for the first 5 minutes until I picked the phone up and called you. Thanks for picking up on the first ring!!! If it would of went to voicemail I don't know what I would of done.

 

WOW... Alot has happened around here since we've been suspended. Geez without the PM system life will be a bit boring. I feel bad for everyone that cant use it anymore. They got screwed for sure. I also feel very bad for the people that were in that "other" chat room that got put on trial. I was NEVER part of that room but I know how important real "Live" chat can be. The chat room on this site played a "HUGE" role in my recovery early on. I was such a mess I lived in there 24/7 as you know. Thats where I met you. Its a real life saver for many and I hope the people in that other room are getting the type of support they really need. I'm sure they are or they wouldn't be there. I know alot of them and their all really good people. Their all just trying to survive this HELL the best they know how. So I cant say I blame them a bit. I will say in BB's defence that sending out a formal invitation is a bit over the top. Especially using their PM system. But drastic times calls for drastic measures. And this withdrawl is about as drastic as it comes. I'm sure by now everyone has learned from this and can move toward the one common goal which is healing. 

 

Rock

[[ja...]]

JRock!

 

That was tuff stuff! I was like geez . Whats up with that. I was in troubles. I'm not used to be introuble. It kinda made me feel like I did when I would come home late every week end as a kid ! OMG my father always said the same thing.. " YOUR PUNISHED" ! 'INDEFINITLY" lol all I had to do was be like OK I'm sorry.

 

But you know Ill always be there for you.Its been the worst year ever for you and I'm there till the END.

 

I agree with you on the situation on that thread. I really do.Oh theres a Shocker.lol.

I'm just so glad your back and I know you have really been through way to much.Your a really wonderful person and I wish alot of people will see this in you as well.

Hey J. I forgot to tell you today before. Today is my 2 year anniversary of my C/T.. yay

[Guest [...]]

hehehe Jen you are lucky to have the dial a friend option.  The pm thing was to much but anyway whatever hey we dont run this race nor would I want to. 

 

Hey will have to check out that song I havent heard of it or maybe I have but just dont know I have lol.  Yes I loved chilled out music to unfortunately my anxiety is through the roof like intense physical bs anxiety.  Just cant take a break however other symptoms are disappearing which is a good thing.  lol Jen you would never break the rules would ya now haha hey a girls got to do what a girls got to do.  Yes staying away from the drama is a good thing however I did have my say a few times about the downing of the pm system but I had to let go I think that thread has been locked now anyway which is a good thing. 

 

So what did you shop for any clothes I love clothes but you know how it is.  Just hanging in jeans atm its getting cold here well I guess its better than the pj's right.  Ive progressed.  Well Jen just letting you know Im still super duper scared and stuff I hope this anxiety is a normal part of the process makes me seem so less resiliant than what I normally am have very low coping skills atm Im sure this will pass. 

 

anyway I dragged up a song by Guy Sebastian dont know if you know him or not runner up Australian Idol several years ago he has quite a catchy voice and of course not overlook quite a hot body lol.  See the benzos cant destroy everything hahaha.

 

Lizzyxxxxx

 

[[ja...]]

Hey Miss Lizzy.

 

LOL I said James Blunt. I ment Jason Mraz hehehe

 

Hope you Likey

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViobEXGacxA

[Guest [...]]

omg I just so love that song oh wow tears in my eyes.  Thanks for that nice bedtime song.

 

Lizzyxx

[[Co...]]

Jenny...Not being able to talk to you on here has been Horrible. I was so lonely after you left last week.... well at least for the first 5 minutes until I picked the phone up and called you. Thanks for picking up on the first ring!!! If it would of went to voicemail I don't know what I would of done.

 

WOW... Alot has happened around here since we've been suspended. Geez without the PM system life will be a bit boring. I feel bad for everyone that cant use it anymore. They got screwed for sure. I also feel very bad for the people that were in that "other" chat room that got put on trial.

 

hello KRock,

 

The only names mentioned were those than managed the chat room. If you read all the thread, you will see that made clear, right from the beginning, that we wished a list of names so that we contact then all - it was not to punish them.

 

 

I was NEVER part of that room but I know how important real "Live" chat can be. The chat room on this site played a "HUGE" role in my recovery early on. I was such a mess I lived in there 24/7 as you know. Thats where I met you. Its a real life saver for many and I hope the people in that other room are getting the type of support they really need. I'm sure they are or they wouldn't be there. I know alot of them and their all really good people. Their all just trying to survive this HELL the best they know how. So I cant say I blame them a bit. I will say in BB's defence that sending out a formal invitation is a bit over the top. Especially using their PM system. But drastic times calls for drastic measures. And this withdrawl is about as drastic as it comes. I'm sure by now everyone has learned from this and can move toward the one common goal which is healing. 

 

Rock

 

There are no forums that will put up with their PM system being used to secretly recruit for an off-site group. 99.9% of forum would have automatically and summarily banned the accounts behind the chat room and invitations. So, we've actually been much more lenient than the vast majority of forums would have been in this situation.

[[KR...]]

Colin... As far as what went down with the whole PM thing I'm pretty much out of it. It doesn't involve me in the slightest. As for the chat moderator in that room or whatever he sees himself as. I'm not going to repeat his name because I don't really even know him. He was one of the main members speaking out against me last week about detoxing. Him trying to repremand me and take cheap shots was a joke. I think its very funny how the tables have turned on him while I was gone. By the looks of that thread he didn't like people coming at him and calling him out in public either. Humm.. go figure. What comes around goes around I guess. Nothing like a little karma coming into play.   

 

Ive always appreciated how you look out for your members here. You took care of me under my old screen name when I had privacy issues with my job. You set me up with a new account. I'm very gratefull for that. Your team acted quickly and didn't hesitate one bit. Thanks again. I know you and your team truly care about the members safety. I just feel bad for the people using that other room that really need that "live" chat support. I was one of them once upon a time on this site so I know where their at. Its not a fun place to be in this process. But I get that you don't want anyone piggybacking off your sites PM system to create their own room. Its clearly against the rules.

 

What happened last week is over. I'm moving forward. For real. No worries. I feel very strongly about certain issues when it comes to w/d. Such as C/T, going to a detox center, and giving out medical advise. That will never change. Its just my opinion on these topics. Nothing else. For the most part I refrain from speaking out against any of these subjects. There are to many threads here and it would take up to much of my time. Once in a while I will chime in. But that's about it. Yes I have a thread about Online support.. Does it make things worse? But in that thread I say there are positives and negatives of being online while going through this. There is good and bad. Its not some hate thread. Its just the opinions of the many members of this site that posted there. That's it. I will be forever gratefull for what your site has done for me while going through this process. Sometimes I have to remind myself how BAD I was when I first joined here. Its really hard to believe. Next time I will close my laptop and take a break from this place before I get in some heated debate. I promise you that. I feel really bad for everyone that has to go through this.

 

Rock

 

[[ja...]]

Hi Colin!

 

I just wanted to say.I'm so glad I wasn't here last week.That was alot of stress you all must have had.  I agree with you having to do what you did. Safety is the most important.

 

Like KRock said . People sending out a formal invite was against the rules and you had to do what you felt was rt.We all know they never meant to hurt anyone.They were trying to keep continued support in Live time.This is hard .This w/d does make people do things of drastic measures. But what you did was right .Rules are Rules. I'm all about Order in the court.

 

I don't get involved in any Heated debates or any controversy threads.Its not for me. Unfortunately I found myself in one last week. That was different I'm very passionate about how hard this C/T is and how much suffering can be had if someone takes that route.I was alittle Sassy. I hope there are no hard feelings and you recognize my true heart for everyone here. Thanks for coming bye Colin .Hope your having much lighter days now that some of the other stuff this week had dwindled

 

 

[[Ca...]]

As someone who cold turkeyed I can say I get it. I only took the crap for six months and I am still suffereing 15 months out. I feel that if I had tapered, I would be in better shape. I am doing ok.....but I could be doing

soooo much better!

 

-CL

[[St...]]

http://www.allgraphics123.com/graphics/congratulations/congratulations44.jpg

 

Happy 2 Year Anniversary of Benzo FREE

 

So Glad you are back.  You are one special person that is for sure. Truly mean my words and more, love    Sally

[[ja...]]

As someone who cold turkeyed I can say I get it. I only took the crap for six months and I am still suffereing 15 months out. I feel that if I had tapered, I would be in better shape. I am doing ok.....but I could be doing

soooo much better!

 

-CL

Carlover hello thanks for coming bye!

Im so sorry you Cold turkeyed. So did I. I to had no idea. Had I known I may have had a very different withdrawl. Im glad your doing ok! I know you want to be so much better. I think youll see huge improvements very soon. Hang in there,And congrats on 15 months free

 

~Jenny

[[ja...]]

Stillbelieving Sally 

 

Aww Thank You! I can not believe I had made it to 2 years.I remember when I was at month 3 and I was like .Im only doing it till October thats it.If im no better Im DONE. Im really DONE. That was in September 2010.lol. I did make it till Oct. and I was worse and I swear through the Grace of God I made it all the way through. Yay.

 

And so will YOU!

 

I want to thank you again for being super sweet and so supportive Sally.I hope your doing better.

Hows your Nausea? have you been wearing those sea bands? I hope your feeling better!

 

~Jenny

[[Co...]]

Him trying to repremand me and take cheap shots was a joke. I think its very funny how the tables have turned on him while I was gone. By the looks of that thread he didn't like people coming at him and calling him out in public either. Humm.. go figure. What comes around goes around I guess. Nothing like a little karma coming into play.

 

This reply must be brief as I must go in a few minutes.

 

I don't think that's fair - he's no longer here. I'll name him, to save us dancing around the issue: ChristopherXII. For the record, despite what has happened, I have the utmost regard for Christopher, except with this one important issue. In the end, the problem was that he could not see things from the Admin's and my perspective (whereas the others involved eventually did - and their accounts were not banned). I wish things had worked out differently.

 

I made my feelings clear, and gave Christopher the opportunity to have his say before his account was banned. I don't think it is fair to now bring up other past issues. And, again, for the record, Christopher and I held similar views about the past subject you raise here. I don't wish to raise old issues with you either - they are in the past - I'm sure you will agree, that since Christopher cannot answer for himself, this discussion is best dropped.

 

Ive always appreciated how you look out for your members here. You took care of me under my old screen name when I had privacy issues with my job. You set me up with a new account. I'm very gratefull for that. Your team acted quickly and didn't hesitate one bit. Thanks again. I know you and your team truly care about the members safety. I just feel bad for the people using that other room that really need that "live" chat support. I was one of them once upon a time on this site so I know where their at. Its not a fun place to be in this process. But I get that you don't want anyone piggybacking off your sites PM system to create their own room. Its clearly against the rules.

 

Thank you for understanding about why we do things the way we do. But, again, let's not discuss matters involving someone that cannot reply here. After all, everything has been said already.

 

What happened last week is over. I'm moving forward. For real. No worries.

 

And, I'm sure that's what everyone else would like too.

 

I feel very strongly about certain issues when it comes to w/d. Such as C/T, going to a detox center, and giving out medical advise. That will never change. Its just my opinion on these topics. Nothing else.

 

And that's OK. In the final analysis, every support forum will reflect certain attitudes of the owner. I try to allow a lot of latitude for members to express their own views (even when they are diametrically opposite to my own), but certain things are not allowed. If this was not the case, the forum would become chaotic.

 

For the most part I refrain from speaking out against any of these subjects. There are to many threads here and it would take up to much of my time. Once in a while I will chime in. But that's about it. Yes I have a thread about Online support.. Does it make things worse? But in that thread I say there are positives and negatives of being online while going through this. There is good and bad. Its not some hate thread. Its just the opinions of the many members of this site that posted there. That's it. I will be forever gratefull for what your site has done for me while going through this process. Sometimes I have to remind myself how BAD I was when I first joined here. Its really hard to believe. Next time I will close my laptop and take a break from this place before I get in some heated debate. I promise you that. I feel really bad for everyone that has to go through this.

 

Rock

 

Different members will find different things about the forum that is useful for them. There is lot of content here that would never speak to me, even if I was in the midst of my withdrawal.

[[Ca...]]

Thanks Jenny. I am at the point where i am ok.......but i am not me yet. God i hope i return to being me sooner rather than later!

 

-CL

[[KR...]]

Jenny... Hope your crazy upcoming vacation/road trip with the girls is fun and relaxing. 4 girls coming off bad withdrawls sharing hotel rooms should be a trip. lol Hope everyone is over their agoraphobia. If not you can always order room service. I would tell ya all to stop by and come swimming at my house but I don't want anyone to drown in my pool after they just made it through the worst experience of their lives. Wouldn't that suck. Just in case though I do have some kiddy floats that can go around your arms if you girls need them.

 

Rock

[[ja...]]

Rock 

 

I am so in need of a vaca. And to think its going to be with the best people ever makes it even that much better. Im tired Rock. This w/d and the following half year to follow my healing has been Tuff. I had/have alot of Backlash to clean up and I think its going ok.But still have more to Fix. This w/d is just s hard on all levels of life. You know.Your living it. But thanks God it gets better. We will so come over for a dip in your pool. I like it warm and the jets on ever so slightly .Then it will be perfect!lol

Just put up a Rope seperating the little end from the big end and I think everyone will be just fine.

If not Ive saved like 3 children in my life from Drowning! I can do it again ! That would not be fun tho.

Ok Hope your having a good day by the pool today!

 

~Jenny

 

[Guest [...]]

Hello to you Krock hope your travelling well.  Hey Jen  you just wait a minute there is no road trip without me sweetheart.  Hang on Ill just get my bags packed and jump on that plane aahhh as if.  I can barely drive the car around the block atm.  I think a nice break would do you the world of good you know its probably what you need.  Anyway Ive just woken up AGAIN so wil chat later to you.

 

Hope your day went well.

 

Lizzyxxxx