Forced To Fight...And Win! 15 months Healed Yes....

[[ja...]]

Lizzy Pretty Lizzy!

 

Pack it up baby.You have 22 days were outta here lol.

Yea I cant wait .Its time for a rest! Im tired lately .Idk I just feel worn down. Ive have alot of sinus infections the last 5 months been on antibiotics 4 x in the last 5 months. It revs me everythime im on it. Nothing terrible tho. My sinuses being really bad are from w/d .I never had that problem before. I get very high fevers alot to . Im back on Amoxil as of 3 days ago. I hate it. I waited 2 months with this infection to see if I could get better on my own.But Nope. Its ok tho.

 

Im so glad your feeling better and as for God..Well if anyone ever asks me how I got through this?

I Looked UP!

Couldnt do this on my own Im not capable.I never did it alone Lizzy not one second of this w/d.Anyway I am so happy for you!

 

Your a wonderful friend I am very happy I met you Lizzy for real I like you!

 

Heres a song I like . If you really listen to the words you can feel it!

 

 

P.S Did I ever tell you Im religious  Im a Lover of the Lord my Lizzy lol Big Time

[Guest [...]]

Hey Jen

 

Im getting sorted for the pack up unfortunately Ive woken up in a slight cloud again very very sad I think Im traumatised I know I am I keep reflecting back and well you know its been a horror show right.  Anyway I must realise its not even a month yet so I will wait it out.  Anyway I hate sinus stuff used to get a lot of it but now I dont get any sinus any asthma anything really its quite strange.  You know when you have an infection of any kind it amps everything up so dont stress it to much.

 

The song is beautiful as always you through me some good stuff.  No I didnt know you were religious but that is a good thing.  Im kind of believing in him again after what happened but its still going to take time for me to convert right back.  I was so religious when I was little oh how I loved god.  But then you know we get lazy sometimes I should have stuck to him I guess perhaps this would never have happened should I have led the straight path.  I like you to Jen you are my guiding light in this dark dark jungle.

 

Going to listen to the song again

 

Lizzyxxxx

[[...]]

hey jen; you seem great.  glad

just saying hi.

into month 11 now.  amazing

xoxo

[[ja...]]

Pan HI!

 

Month 11 wow.Thats wonderful.I know it was so hard every day to get through this.But your doing It.Everyday that passes is a closer step towards you fully recovering!

 

Ive missed you while Ive been gone .

 

Im doing ok. Not great but im ok.Im just so thankful to be done with this horrific w/d and be able to truly say .You will get better!

~Jenny

[Guest [...]]

hello my sweet friend oh yes you are

 

Hey I just want to say a big thank you to my freak out on the c/t thread.  Seriously your words mean so much because i know you have travelled the crappy path.  I seriously dont know how you did it. well i guess you did it the same way I am but different because all our journeys are different right.  Yesterday I was so fused with the thoughts I couldnt get over myself.  I stayed on here all day and Im not going to do that today.  I think that when I make myself do other things I do feel better a bit.  anyway today im doing much better.

 

I hope things have settled down with your poor sinuses and you are feeling a little bit rested.  R u in the mood for a dance or something mellow im going to go hunting to find us something ok.  guess what i found for you no song but a little taste of my world hope you enjoy

 

love you Jenny

 

Lizzyxxxxx

[[ja...]]

Morning Pretty Lizzy!

 

Wow I loved that link.. To me it looks like Paradise. I have always told my fam when we move were going to Australia. I love the waterfalls in that link wow Beautiful...

 

Lizzy I freaked out so much in this w/d.Its so scary.You should never feel embarrassed I saw on your other thread you said that. Noway sister. If you look at my Blog its called Jaso19 .Its about time. I closed it last summer. But you can still read. I was scared and I asked for help a few times. Especially In the late months like 11,12,13, I got hit hard and was worried. We understand so much how your feeling.And by you be so honest you get all the  help you need at that time.

We love you to death here at BB.So many see your heart and fun personality its Amazing .

 

I'm glad your spending more time in your real life that's very good.Your a Cutie Lizzy !

How was today for you? I hope you had a better one!

I think I'm going to Shop some more today!!! Yippiee . I haven't wanted to shop at all since I got better. I had No interest. I do NOW!!!!!!! yay. Oh poor Husby and his wallet! he was like Oh Jenny when are you going to be the Old you??? Now hes like .. JENNIFER!!!! LOL. I know this.When I here the my full name Im in troubles. All I say is .Be careful What You Wish For...heheh

OK Sweety I have to get my kids up for school. Oh how I love school .lol

 

Love you Lizzy!!!!!!!

 

Xo~Jenny

[[Br...]]

Thank you so much for your post and congrats!  It gives a newbie like me some much needed hope. 

[[ja...]]

BraveRedOne...

 

Hello . I m so glad I was able to give you Hope. I know how hard this is. Stay strong and just know no matter what your going to get Better!!!

 

Did you taper ?Or do a C/T?

 

~Jenny

[[ja...]]

Oh I just saw your tapering..I also saw you had done a C/T.Im so glad your going to do a slow taper I believe your going to have so much support you need here. Hang in there your going to get better.

 

~Jenny

[Guest [...]]

Jenny my sweet friend

 

I read your reply just before I went to bed and I was like aaaawwww this girl is so sweet but seriously I was so tired after my day of normality I just did not have the energy for one more post.  Im starting to get tired you know of posting not to any of you but Im caught up a lot on the withdrawal thread offering encouragement and I think that Im going to have to start limiting my support of all the new troubles as well if you know what I mean like in other words i need to stop hanging out in withdrawal thread land.  Thats not selfish right im sure its not but I just cant get around to so many people everyday.  But you my friend unfortunately are stuck with me hehehe. 

 

Love that you loved the link yeah pretty bloody awesome ill say.  Jen i tried to find your blog last night for my bedtime story i couldnt find it can you write again exactly what it is called i really want to read it.  lol at husby and his wallet oh well thems the breaks he wanted you back and here you go your back better than ever before.  Im not right back into the clothes shopping yet but i know i will definately get back im feeling the need for some new boots this winter so i must go get them i love boots.

 

Today im thinking i might go and get mum and go to a movie I have just woken up and feel a little bit well you know like ive just woken up little bit of anxiety and weirdness but nothing to write home about.  Will let you know how I go.  I hope you are doing well and I hope krock is to.

 

love to you

 

Lizzyxxxx

[[ja...]]

Aww Thank You for the sweet words Lizzy!

 

Im going to come back soon .Im just in the middle of Night time duties.

Lizzy I wanted to also say.I think its in noway selfish for you to not over due all the support.

I think you need to do whats best for you,You are so wonderful to so many you have no worries .

 

Heres a link to my blog..Ill be back soon

 

Love ~Jenny

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=30105.0

 

[[Co...]]

Hey Jenny, so glad you are back girly...and a huge congratulations on 2 years off. You just amaze and inspire me. Have a great time on your trip...you are finally going to meet your buddies in person. Im so happy and excited for you. Take lots of pics and stay up all night...well lol thats what I would do...you can sleep when you get home!!!! I had the amazing experience of meeting one of my buddies it was wonderful. Take care missy. Love you lots. Colleen

[Guest [...]]

ok lovely

 

firstly I have to tell you that I have read halfway through your old blog.  wow i could feel the emotion it was like I was there and once again your precious angel she just touches my heart.  wish i could know more about her like her name etc however I know you cant tell me those things due to confidentiality but I want you to know I do feel for you and your family she was a real little person and aaawww.  Cant say more because there are no words are there.

 

Jen

 

I saw something you wrote today and I just think that you need to get this right now YOU ARE AMAZING and your level of support is high baby seriously I just think its tough supporting so many people that might be why you are feeling a little drained.  Perhaps you need to slow down you have been at this for sooooo long and Im tired and its only been 3 months so Im hearing you but never want to here you say again that you dont think you are as supportive I cant quote you word for word but you are the kindest most loving person ever ok.

 

So I see r u really going to meet up with other bb's for real woohoo oh my goodness tell me if that is true.  anyway I hope things are ok for you .

 

Much love Lizzyxxxx

[[ja...]]

Colleen 

 

I have missed you!Its so nice to see your back! Thank you on the 2 years.I can not believe I can say that. I remember being at month 3 and I was outside in horrific w/d head to toe creepiness. I was saying to myself. I cant do this. I just cant. I know I cant do this. Then I was like OK FINE. I'm only doing it to OCT.if I'm no better I'm so Done! lol. So funny as if I had a say! I just knew how hard this was and being trapped for months on end in my mind and body that were so messed up felt impossible! Now I'm all done and its 2 years in..My God what a long hard tiring road. I think I'm kinda exhausted now. Its been like Fight mode for so long. Even tho I was healed at month 15 I had so much more healing to do in my real life and mental state. I'm just tired.

 

Thank yo0u for always being such a Beautiful friend to me Colleen you are just amazing.I'm grateful I got to meet you.

 

Pretty Lizzy 

 

You are sooo sweet. I can not believe you took so much time to read my blog! That's so nice Lizzy Thank You so much for doing that!. My daughters name is Katie. I have no problem saying her name here.Funny story Lizzy.. When she was born it was 15 months after my son. Mind you my son was born with very dark hair and really gorgeous full curly hair and olive skin .He looked so much like my husb and myself totally fit in.. Well I had my daughter through section and I was put out immediately in the OR. Well not at first.When they started to Cut me I felt it. Rt away straight Scalpel.They were like Oh Jennifer what do u feel Pressure? I'm like OHHH NO I felt you slice me.They hurried and gave me meds in my IV then continued on with cauterizing me while they cut. Welll I was like through the roof i felt all of it straight up .They were all hurry get her husband OUT they they put me to sleep immediately craziness ill never forget that.But anyway I didn't get to see my daughter get born and was in recovery for 1 hour.By the time i was in my room all my friends and family were like Omg she doesn't even look like she belongs to you! I saw her finally and I was like OH wow she doesn't! She had light hair Ice blue eyes and very fair pretty skin.I swear she really did look different. As she grew she became insanely beautiful and would stop people everywhere we went. They were like omg look at her eyes there amazing ,true they looked like water.Very strange .When she passed she was 4 in my arms in the hospital and when I layed her down after she had died .I looked at her and she no longer looked like my daughter she look Angelic and very much older in that one minute. So truth Lizzy I don't think she really Ever belonged to me! She was sent to me for a small time frame .Like a Loan.Kinda feel like God always wanted me to know that from day one. Like don't get to close Jenny shes not Staying!  I think back and there were so many signs to show me through her small 4 years she just wasn't going to stay to long and for me to not get to close. I love her I feel so lucky as a woman to have had the time I did with her. She taught me so much .

 

Oh geez Lizzy I hope I didn't Bore ya. I rambled. I'm sorry

 

Oh as for the other thing you saw ..Thank you so much .I'm just not feeling like my time here is helping as much anymore. I'm gonna be back in a few after the kids go to school. I have some things I wanna say about that.

 

Love ya Lizzy Girl

[Guest [...]]

Aaawwww Jen what a beautiful name Katie I love it.  she sounds so amazing I just now i would have loved her for real.  I dont have any girls just my beautiful boys.  So what a gift she was to you only on loan for a short time but long enough for you to know her presence.  Thank you so much for sharing her story with me ouch to the c section fiasco how did that happen I wonder you poor thing.  I had a c section with my second child and I stayed awake for it but after oh my I still remember the absolute pain it was like they left a knife inside of me they probably did knowing what I know now best get an xray.

 

wow Jen you had those kids close together how did you manage to cope with that.  You must of been such a busy busy mum at that time.  hey you certainly would never ever bore me its just not possible at all. 

 

get back to me about what you were saying about you dont feel like you are helping how is that do you think.  Im getting the drift of this forum though now im a little bit on track and can view things differently.  I really think that people do come and go there are givers and takers, those who dont contribute but just read for their needs, the helpers and givers of the forum and well the in betweens.  And all of that is ok.  I think this place operates like you would in real life obviously you and I like a chat right you can just tell we would talk the leg of a chair.  Those who are quite in real life I assume would be quite on here as well.  Its a virtual community with lots and lots of different personalities.  I know for me I desperately needed to be here it literally saved my life in more ways than one and I will be forever grateful.  Now though I feel the forum is in a bit of a flunk atm for whatever reason its not feeling the same maybe people are in transition perhaps and moving on etc I dont know but Im missing some people I got close to for a while and then they just disappear I guess its hard not to get to attached and depend on anyone really thats why I love who I love on here I know they wont bail and at least if they did they would say goodbye its really tough.  I dont want to lose my friends on here I really dont.  I know we all dont know each other in the flesh but does that matter.  Anyway talk about rambling I just did it myself you are so easy to talk to no effort required.  So one day when I come to the states I would so like to meet you oh I so have to pm you something you will laugh when I tell you but cant share on here oh well pm will be back on aaahhh i dont know a couple of weeks.

 

hey went to the movies today to see 5 year engagement quite entertaining not a real hot leading actor unfortunately but nice movie.

 

Love to you

 

Lizzyxxx

[Guest [ja...]]

WOW...

I don't even know where to start! My God ..I have been holding off on this 1!!!

For all of you who know me and have guided me thru the last 8 months of my extremely Lonely experience thru Benzo W/D Have my Heart and have all my Respect!!!

Guys I cant even begin to say thank you I couldn't even put into words the In print all of you have made for me ...Guardian Angels is who you are to me I am truly Honored for you all...Thank You I mean it with all my heart Thank You! :'(

OK here we go I am a c/t of 20 mil of Valium and suffered severe shock to my CNS and my Brain had 6 er trips over the first 8 weeks of c/t I had no idea what was wrong neither did the Dr's.Other then it was me doing this to myself! So not true.. I knew it was this med and I knew that I was going to be forced to fight for my Life with 0 help...

Long story short I am a 38 yr old woman had 4 children ,4 yr old daughter who passed from brain cancer,3 separations from husband of 17 yrs,Car accident, 14 procedures way to many Narcotics had Sciatic nerve damage ,2 kidney surgery's 50 kidney stones and Then came Benzo withdrawl Oh boy ..I was done this was truly going to break me and bring me to my knees on so many occasions during this w/d ..But I didn't care I had no option in my opinion It was Fight,or Die Fighting that's it .So that's what I did and it payed off huge..I was bedridden come month 3 to month 6 and didn't see a light coming my way so scary but I had excepted what I had done in the fact of my c/t and it made it easier to accept  for me!Come month 7 window that never truly shut what a miracle I sware I was feeling like me again and that "Ground Hogs Day" was gone !!That's when I found BB and I knew 1 thing we heal from this most extreme experience and need to let every1 know Hang in there this does end!! It so bothered me and made me so upset to think any1 else was going thru this ,So I dedicated my Heart and yes my Soul to all of BB the best I could to bring Comfort and Peace and just me ya know as a friend to let you know ..As bad as your feeling and as scary as this is You are not Alone ..And you will get thru this I so Promise you! I remember at month 5 I was bad really bad I prayed to God and I said if you need me here ..Then ok...But pls don't let me fall..I knew then I had to learn some stuff and this was going to be the challenge amongst challenges But I am so Grateful I never Fell! So I am so thankful I went thru this because I have gained the most amazing friendships in all of you..Well now I'm at month 15 on Sunday and I have a few mild sxs ,Muscles twitch little discomfort,small lump in my throat and spasms from time to time ..Whoo hoo that's so cool .I cant believe it.If your not aware of my story and all my sxs there on my blog page 6 i believe..Just know this...YOU are going to heal and you are going to be you again and even when your body and mind are at there worst and you cant see Straight ..Look Up! And look for that Hand to lift you thru this time !! Hang in there every1 and I can say with Conviction This Ends...

 

So much Love to all of you and I could never ever have gotton thru the last 8 months with all of you ...

xoxoxoxox~Jaso19 Jenny aka Jennifer

 

your story brings tears of happiness. i hope to be there like you soon. such an inspiration...

[[KR...]]

Hey Jenny. I just read that your leaving BenzoBuddies and saying good bye in the link below. I'm not going to get all mushy and say a bunch of corny stuff because you already know how I feel about you. Thanks for everything you've done for me. Talk to ya tomorrow. 

 

JRock

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=55104.0

 

[[ja...]]

JRock...

 

Thank You! I cant even get started on telling you how much you matter to me.So I wont..LOL Theres not enough room on this Page .But you know.

 

Pretty Lizzy. I would never leave here without saying goodbye to YOU. This is the thing .When I came here I found so many people suffering exactly what I was. But at month 7 for me I was starting to be able to walk again. Thats when I knew No matter what anyone tells me.We get better.

 

We used to have Chat up and I swear I spent so much time there talking to people everyday. People were hurting so much and I couldnt help but do everything I could to bring them Hope. I knew we would get better and I needed them to know as well.

 

IM just a Girl from Jersey whos been through alot and this w/d was super extreme .My friends from here who gotton to know me in real life know . Im  just a super silly girl .I really am Lizzy. But I have a Heart that will not Quit.

 

Ive learned over the past few weeks that my time here should come to a end. So Its my time.. I will always check in and see how everyone is doing .I see there are so many here who have so much love and support wich will bring them all they way to the finish line!!! YAY. Thats what this is all about. Getting to the END of this Nightmare.And you all will. I see your feeling so much better and that makes me feel so happy Lizzy!!! Thank You for you constint support and love .My god your such a beautiful friend. You made me smile so much and feel so good even when I was In Punishment! You are a Sister to me and I will always remember you!! Bless your Kids honey and your New Found Beautiful Healthy Joyful Life.. Love you honey..

 

~Jenny

[[ja...]]

Everyone!!!

 

I'm outta here ..lol . Just wanted to come here to my little spot and say Goodbye. I did a thread for the forum but I needed to come here to all of you who matter so much to me.

 

Its been a long road guys and I'm just really tired. I feel like there comes a time when Life is waiting. And mines has been patient. I wanted everyone to know how much you all have change my life. You have been here for me through everything. I would never have been where I am today if it wasn't for all your Love and friendship. Thank You guys so much. Thank You for Trusting me. Thank you for excepting me.Thank You for giving me you Kindness all the time. I made the most amazing friendships here .I will carry them in my real Life Always.That will never change. I want to say this..

 

Last year my most very special friend was trying everything they could to help me get back into life! The words they used were " Jenny I think Its time for you to FLY with the Beautiful Healthy Birds now"I felt like I was being Pushed out of the Nest. Its a joke now between us. But did feel that way.

 

Ill never forget that. I was like but I'm not ready to FLY!!! That person took more time to get deeper and know more about me and realized I'm a Procrastinator.It takes me some time to make certain decisions. That person is the same person who this time helped me and held my hand as I walked out of the Nest. Talk about a wonderful friend. I'm so lucky. Sure we may have to be here. But who we meet and how our lives are forever changed is the Reward!

 

Anyway I just wanted to say Thank You so much everyone for being my friend. I will pray everyday for everyone to feel relief and strength through this time.

 

I hope I was able to bring you some Comfort and some Hope during your most hardest time in your Life! That's all that would matter to me.

 

Bye everyone ..Or better yet...Take care

 

Love ~ Jenny

[Guest [...]]

Oh you are the sweetest angel seriously I just love you I really do cant believe i can ever feel this way its quite strange really may need some therapy haha.  nah seriously we would all be so selfish if we did not want you to be free.  I have only been here a short time you have been here for so long.  I seriously wish you the best that life can bring in more ways than one.  I have already wrote on your other thread i do hope you will read it.

 

go and be at peace with it you have done your stint in more ways than one Im just so super glad i got in the nick of time to know you are such a wonderful woman.  Dont be a stranger when the pm's are back i want to send you one ok.

 

guess what Jen im super silly to thats why we are sisters just separated by water thats all.

 

Im not going to say goodbye to you no way its just see ya later baby.

 

Love to you Lizzyxxxx

[[Al...]]

Jenny, It has been wonderful to see you help so many people. You have been the wind beneath so many wings. We will miss you. Bittersweet. We understand, it IS time for you to fly.  Love, Alexa

[Guest [...]]

uuumm think you need to come back so boring without you lol just jokes how weird if I just kept writing to you now you have gone crazy woman people would say anyway how r u enjoying retirement i bet it suits you.  Im so bored with all of this ill tell you know how you struggled for all this time just blows me away.  Im over it big time oh healing healing and healing im so impatient and I know krock if he ever read this would be like shutup you have only been off a month lol.  wish i would have got to know you guys back then when chat was on seriously would have been so helpful.  Well im missing you oh where is that tear emotion i hate those guys well pretend tears are happening.

 

anyway Jen hope your doing well.  probably shouldnt keep writing on here hey maybe i am crazy who knows.  dont feel any guilt reading this you owe us nothing im just pretending your still here.

 

love ya mate

 

Lizzyxxx

[[Co...]]

Hey cousin Jen, wishing you a happy Mothers Day...you so deserve it...much love, Colleen

[Guest [...]]

I miss you Jen happy mothers day darling.

 

Lizzyxxx

[[...]]

jen you can't say goodbye.  you have to keep checking in ;  it makes no sense.  visit back.  really.  why are you saying goodbye.  just ehck in occasionally; it won't be the same without you.  seriously.  silly rabbit