Forced To Fight...And Win! 15 months Healed Yes....

[[Sp...]]

I don't know why u picked your avitar but every time I see it I feel comforted. I wonder how people feel when they look at mine? anyway I just wanted to thank-you for sharing so much of yourself. You have given me hope. I have never felt more love than I have since joining this forum. It just pours from so many peoples posts and I know there is a bigger force @ work here. I feel so blessed to have this in my life.

[[ja...]]

Benzo3...

 

Thank You so much.. I knew I had to do something with my experience.I truly didn't believe anyone else was going through what I was. I thought My God this is so SUPER surreal. I cant believe what I am going through. When I found BB at month 7 I was like OMG. OMG I cant believe other people have to walk down this road. I felt so bad. I swear I was like I have to use my experience to Help the best I can to bring Comfort to Anyone who needs it... I am so thankful everyone has been so nice and receiving to me...

 

I hope your doing OK.I know you all will have your Success Story to!!!

Hang in there OK Benzo3 This really does come to a END!!!

 

~Jenny

[[ja...]]

I don't know why u picked your avitar but every time I see it I feel comforted. I wonder how people feel when they look at mine? anyway I just wanted to thank-you for sharing so much of yourself. You have given me hope. I have never felt more love than I have since joining this forum. It just pours from so many peoples posts and I know there is a bigger force @ work here. I feel so blessed to have this in my life.

Spunky Hello!!!

Ah my Avatar ...Shes so cute ,I just like her. I have friend was like Keep that one Jenny its a good one, So I was like OK just for you..lol. Funny I used to change my Avatar like 1x a week last year.It was my Picture and I changed my hair so often I was like Hey what about this one? Guys do I look like I'm Healing? hahah. So now its all just Fantasy Pics. I'm sure many are like Thank God.Jenny's not changing her Avatar every week anymore,Im sure they had enough of Me and my changing pics so often lol.But Thank you Spunky! Yours is Cute!I'm so glad you said I have given you Hope ..That's the best thing I can ever do ..EVER. Your rt about the people here and the Over flow of Love and Compassion..I have met the most beautiful People I have ever in my Life. I made a best friend the kind that comes only ONCE in a Lifetime Here. I see you see this even in your suffering. That's amazing Spunky. Remember we don't know why we have to walk this road.But what will come out of it can be the best Blessing we can ever receive! W/D is Temporary. The Friendships can be for a LIFETIME!!!!

Hang in Spunky I hope you get better and feeling Great soon!

 

~Jenny

[[...]]

jenny - hi.  you are so funny.  get such a kick out of you.

jen i was so worn out from it all - so took 1/4 of a 15 mg. of remeron and it has eased my intensity.  do you have any exp with this one?

just curious

luv u angel

[[ja...]]

Pan Hello ..

 

Hi O wow.. Pan I know your suffering,I know how hard this w/d gets.Its super hard and so Debilitating! Pan for me I only know one way..That's adding absolutely NOTHING to this w/d. I knew if I was to get through I had to be clean of anything else .So I knew what was all w/d and no other meds causing my sxs. I'm still so scared to take anything.I just had the Flu so bad for 10 days and didn't even take cough syrup. Pan IDK.. I am so happy  for you that you found relief. I know its so scary. But I FEAR these drugs and how they interfer with this Process. Pan Ive read so many peeps saying..I'm having severe w/d again do you think it can be my REMERON? I need to get OFF this NOW!!! That scares me!!!

 

Stay in tune with how your feeling Pan .And please take the Absolute least amount you have to OK.. I just feel I have to be honest with you as to how I feel your my friend.I would not want to see you Hurt!. This is so Ironic you wrote this Pan.. All of last week I was having this very same convo about wether it would work and help relief this HORROR w/d.. I made this person so pissed at me cause I was so adamant about DONT do it!!! But that's just cause I only know one way and saw so many here hurt so much from other meds thrown into the mix.. Hang in there Pan I hope you continue to feel Good..

 

Your worried friend ~ Jenny

[[...]]

hi sweetie  - it got so bad jen.  i had such severe anxiety and dr/dp that my stomach was making acid and i was coughing up red.  i felt like i was afraid i would have to go somewhere...yeah, right where??smile.

i totally hear what u r saying and i made it 9 months , but perhaps getting off all those years of ad's plus benzos was too much.  i do not know - but the tiniest pill they make - 15 mg - i cut in 1/4's - so i take  3 mg and for 3 days now i am in a window.  i don't feel good about it sweetie and i so appreciate your concern; i know u love me - but i will get off this as soon as i can but for now i just need to be able to keep going and get off benzos.  i will get off this asap; i know i will.

there is a cool peep on here - parker on the same amt and she is having relief too and she researched it - it is dif than other ad's.  i don't encourage anyone to do it tho and wish i did not but i have to give my cns a break.  it was like a 3 month slam.  my eyes were bloodshot and my brain was tired.

i love you babe.  stay wonderful xoxo

[[ja...]]

Pan 

 

I'm sorry you were hurting so badly! I swear I hate this w/d and what it does. 9 Months is a very long time .I understand .Pan I am noway ANTI Drug. I say go for it Usually .But In this w/d I have learned that with having such a compromised brain.Everthing can send us into a Tailspin. That's what Scares me. My God if it works .Amazing. But taking that Gamble is like Russian Roulette. Thank God you have found relief. Poor Parker, I know she is on this to. But she has been hurting so badly. I wonder if the Remeron can be playing a part in this w/d. I really wouldn't know. I never tryed it. That's what is super cruel in this is theres no RX that can Fix this .I mean sure some may relieve it.But having our Gaba down regulated everything aggravates our Poor brain.

Pan You know YOU. You know your breaking point and you don't need to worry about what anyone thinks. Not even myself. Cause you have to do whats rt for YOU.

 

I actually don't think anything bad .I just think MY God What IF.. Its my fear factor in this .Pan I hope ur GI sxs get better thats terrible you were coughing up RED. Do you think you should go see a Gastro?

 

Xoxox~Jenny

[[KR...]]

Pan... I would be wary about what others in withdrawl pitch to you to take. These are some of the same people that says it helps them only to find them in the Withdrawl and Support section complaining about it making them sicker and not being able to get off it. Very contradicting to say the least. The people on this site shouldn't be endorsing Remeron as much as they do. One person in particular for sure that you mentioned. I don't know much about Remeron except a few people that had trouble getting off it. But I do remember a friend of mine sent me a link on it from the bcnc.org.uk. about warning people of taking it while in benzo withdrawl. The link is posted below. Notice their WARNING about Remeron is the ONLY thing on their site posted under the antidepressant section in BIG RED letters. Their either trying to get the point across or they dont want anyone to over look it. You tell me? You can see it in the link below. People you get advise from about taking others drugs while in withdrawl are not the most rational people in the world. Many times their in withdrawl themselves looking desperately for a quick fix only to find out their complicating their situation even worse. I hope you have safe and continued healing.

 

The bcnc.org.uk States the following: Generally speaking antidepressants usually do not cause as bad withdrawal symptoms as benzodiazepines.

From a personal point of view the only antidepressant that I would advise against is Mirtazapine (BRAND NAMES:- Zispin, Remeron, Avanza, Norset, Remergil, Mirtabene). I have noticed many people having horrendous symptoms, which seem to last an extremely long time after discontinuation of this drug. Whether this bad experience is because of people's past experience with benzo's or whether these bad reactions occur with everyone I am not sure as my points of contact have been mainly with people who were either addicted to or had a past history of being addicted to benzodiazepines.

 

                                Source of info:      http://www.bcnc.org.uk/drugs.html

 

Rock

[[...]]

my dearest jen and krock thank you SO much for caring for me enough to take a stand for what you have found out and what you know.  i certainly do respect your expertise and i totally get the importance of our systems getting right on their own.

to be really honest - i am not that scared of ad's - i have been on and off them for many years - and all those anti-psychotics like lamictal.  had depression severely from hormones in my 20's.  i know getting on a med is serious but to be totally honest i was in severe survival mode.  i had to be able to keep going and i could not go on with all that intensity; it was beyond brutal.  it is the benzo hell we all know so so well.  i am taking about 3 mgs.  it is still strong tho - for sure it is a strong drug.  there is no mental crap with it tho - like seroquel - and no buzz like wellbutrin.  ssri's made me suicidal - lexapro prozac - when i took the first one years ago.  i am very sensitive to meds.

my acid indigestion ended immed and i am about 80% improved overall.  i do have some depression from it and more fatigue - much weakness so i can tell parts of my body does not like it.  i was in a madness whirl that i needed a break from.  have to be able to keep teaching for 2 more months - intense months of teaching MLA format and SAT college readiness stuff to worn out kiddos - many of whom go off on me for no reason.  bussed in from a tough area to grow up in.  i need to be calm for them.  i am just focusing everyday on living my life for God and not for me - because i don't have a lot going on right now that thrills me much  smile

this does have a sedating effect and that worries me but i needed to calm down some.  trazadone - benadry cause me to get loopy and depressed. weird even.  i can't even take malatonin - caused nightmares.

i posted on persey's thread about it so i will get her input too.  i know she will prob wish i did not take it too.

i love u guys so much.  the love and caring on here humbles me.

[[Po...]]

Dear Pan, 

 

I didn't know you were suffering as much as you were.  I am glad you found something that is giving you some relief.  I feel that we all need to do what is right for us at a given time.  When life or circumstances change then we can deal with what we have to.  Until then I hope things are good enough for you so that you can finish teaching (a tough job no matter what).

 

http://www.allgraphics123.com/ag/01/10979/10979.gif

 

hugs,

Popcornlady

[[ja...]]

Happy Easter Everyone

 

Hi guys I just wanted to say .I know how much your all hurting so badly and going through this on Holidays can be so Hard. I know. I did it to. Last Easter I was still so bad in w/d .I was at 11 months.I felt like I never would be OK or feel normal again.I felt like here goes another holiday where I have to feel like the only person who had to fight through the day to get through the day.Hang in there everyone. This w/d gets better and as time passes. I Pray for every single one of you to feel a sense of Peace and Relief from this Monster. I pray a Smile comes on your faces today and a Clarity comes over you were you Just know..YOU WILL BE OK!!!!

Last Easter I almost didn't make it out of bed. I was in awful Pain and w/d was so heavy. But This Easter I'm healed and I'm 100% back to being Me again. I want you to know you will be back to being yourself as well...

 

Happy Easter Guys.. And when I stand before my family today at diner and give GRACE. You better believe Ill be adding everyone of you to that!!! I am GRATEFUL for all of you.

I want to say a very Special Happy Easter to my Bestest Friend Ever ...

God Bless

 

~Jenny

[[Co...]]

Hi Jenny, wanted to wish you a very Happy Easter...you are such a blessing and I truly love you. xoxo

oh if you hear from my other cousin Tam...tell her I said hi please.

[[Co...]]

Wanted to say hi to KRock, Happy Easter and much continued healing. Your a good buddy here. 

[[he...]]

Hi Cus, Happy Easter, Love ya always xoxoxoxo :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

[[he...]]

Hey hun I have been trying to call you , where have you been ? lol

[[ja...]]

Colleen...

Hi Honey.. How was your Eatser? I really hope you got to enjoy your day. You have been through to many holidays HURTING!!!.

 

I love you started a Blog Colleen keep that up.You are a very Huge support and Blessing to so many!

I love you to ...

 

~Jenny

[[ja...]]

Laura!!!

 

Hi How are you? How was your Easter? I hope you had a break in all that pain youve been having!!!

LOL @ calling me ..You know exchange of phone #s is a  . Your so silly

 

Love ya back ..

 

~Jenny

[[KR...]]

Hey Colleen...Thanks for the shout!! Hope your doing fine chillin in the desert. Make sure your drinking lots of water down there if you can find any. Its about to get SUPER Hot. Heat and withdrawl don't mix. So happy your doing so much better. You are one hell of a fighter. You have beat the odds and then some. Jenny just told me that isn't your Great Dane in your avatar. I was like WHAT!!! Was she just paranoid early in withdrawl and thought she need a pic of some massive dog to scare people away?? Did it protect you from any meanies on line?? Truth be told the dog looks like a "Big Wimp". Not scary at all. Just kiddin. LOL

 

Rock

[[KR...]]

Jenny. Looking through your thread you have truly helped so many people go through this process. Including myself. I'm glad you stuck around long enough to help me through this nightmare experience. I hope after your gone another person as compassionate as yourself will come along and help guide others through the dark. Your a one of a kind for sure!!!

 

Rock

[[ja...]]

Jenny. Looking through your thread you have truly helped so many people go through this process. Including myself. I'm glad you stuck around long enough to help me through this nightmare experience. I hope after your gone another person as compassionate as yourself will come along and help guide others through the dark. Your a one of a kind for sure!!!

 

Rock

Aww..How sweet.

 

Thank You JRock!!! I didnt do anything special.I just Care ALOT.. This is so hard and I remember being so sad and so ripped from what I once knew. I think in this w/d feels like there is no one that can Help them. I mean .Ultimately we have to be stuck within our own minds and bodys with very little relief.But honestly it just takes someone to Truly Care and take there pain as there own and then Its Amazing how when another person does it can Strengthen and Lift another person through it.

Ive seen you fight through every minute of every day.NEVER giving UP.It was so Hard to Watch.But My God it was so Humbling to See!!!You are beyond Strong . Let alone so Receptive to my Helping you.. Your almost Done and I can not wait to see that Day!!!

 

 

Thank You! For the Trust you have in me!!!

 

~Jenny

[Guest [CM...]]

Just happened onto your blog Jenny. I wanted to send you a big Hello, Hug and Thank You.

KRock, so nice to see your posts as well, I miss you guys.

Sending lots of love. 16 months off, life is not perfect but it's much better  than it was a year ago.

I've managed to go back to work 3 days a week, although this week only making it in one day.

I still get waves at 16 months out but I also get days that are 85-90%. Monday I actually had a 100% day.

Looked in the mirror in the morning and said, "Wow, I feel f'ing great today". I have not said that in over two years!!!

Of course it was followed by a 3 day wave. a reminder that healing is still happening.

Thi & I are buying a small house in Brazil on a few acres, lots of trees to hug!

I'm back in the States for now piecing life together, slowly slowly, adjusting to old friends again. Life is sure different after you've gone thru something like this. No one else could ever begin to understand. Thankfully I've got my BB's who get me.

Tam and Mary continue to be a huge support and I'm so thankful to have met so many of you here on BB.

I'll write more later, I hope and pray that I'll be writing a success story at two years off..... So that's 8 more months!

God I hope so!!!

Jenny, you're so loved and so full of love.

Thank you for being You!!!

Be well Rock, I hope to find you somewhere soon where we can chat.

Melo x

[[ch...]]

Hey Jenny,

 

Just responding to your "how are you doing" from that thread just a bit ago.  I tried to send you a quick PM but it said the message was blocked by jaso19.

 

Anyways...I am doing okay...not great...not horrible...not functioning...but not in like I was just 6-12 months ago. Slowly getting better. Thanks for asking.

 

Still waiting things out trying to get through this until my CNS calms down a bit more. I hope you are doing well. From the looks of your blog you seem to still be doing very well. I am glad to see that. I tend to avoid posting too much anymore. I have gotten quite bitter throughout this experience. lol  I am working on that though, but not being able to function while dealing with this can keep a brotha' down, ya know what I am sayin'?  lol

 

 

Just to add...hello Colleen and Krock. 

 

Chrisw 

 

 

[[ja...]]

Christine!!!!

 

Hello.. Wow its been so long since I herd from you! Its so good to hear that your doing so much better. I know your not fully there yet but you will. Geez I can remember when you were so sick Chris. It was so terrible what you went through!! You said you and Thi are buying a house in Brazil that's awesome ! You are a Tree HUGGER aren't you? lol .Tree Huggers are the BEST!!!

What State Chris and what Town? Me and my Husband Own 3 properties in Brazil. Small ones but nice size land.Northern Brazil .

I'm just so happy for you Chris you deserve the Best. I can not wait to read your Success Story its going to Amazing!!! Your a Inspiration to ME and to so many here . You Did IT Chris .You Did IT!!!!

 

Ill be seeing you in JUNE in Chicago rt??? No worries about you getting your Sleep Chris were booking you the Penthouse its got lots of beautiful plants and trees in there    lol.

 

I'm doing OK Chris .Still cant figure out how to Connect with old friends. I just don't feel it. I'm just not interested in the Superficial and Fake time being spent with people who Bail. Sounds kinda Harsh for me to say that but this is not my first experience were they disappear when Fun Jenny isn't so Fun.. O well..

 

Ill talk to ya soon Miss Christine .Winner of the Benzo Beast!!!!

~Jenny

 

 

[[ja...]]

ChrisW....

 

Hey there so nice to see you come and say hello to me! Its been awhile huh. Geez with Chat down its so hard to keep in contact . I'm so sorry about the PM saying that. I didn't Block anyone. That's just what the responce says I guess when I shut down my Pm Box.I wish it said something like.. That's so nice of you to Pm Jaso19 .However this Box has been temporally disabled at this time..Please try back at a later date ..Bahahhah. Sorry Chris I shut it down a couple months ago.

 

I know your still not great yet.But WOW you have come so far from when we met. You were at month 6 or 7 I believe .We used to be in Chat constantly trying to get away from our Horror .. I just know your going to be so great when this is all done. You really are a fighter Chris and you should be so Proud of your self.

 

Chris I'm doing OK. Ive become one BORING Chick due to this Hell Trip. Ive lost alot of interest in ALOT of things. Who knows tho Chris maybe I just needed to take a break after having to be in constint Fight for so long.Then try and Fix the residual effects wasn't easy. But all I know is Thank God this W/D ENDS . That's the most important thing. Chris I hope come this summer your feeling so much better and get to really start to enjoy some Time doing some things that you used to like!!!

Ah.. The Non Functional bringing a Brotha Down.. Yes I feel ya.  lol

You ll get to Full Function and feeling so much better Chris. Hang in there its coming..

 

Keep Fighting Chris

 

~Jenny

 

[Guest [...]]

Hello Miss Jenny

 

Just coming over to say hello and to let you know i keep reading your story over and over again hoping that one day Ill feel as good as you.  I can see your journey has been hellish would this be a good word to describe it but your climbing out the other end.

 

Lizzy