Forced To Fight...And Win! 15 months Healed Yes....

[[St...]]

Whoa Jenny,

 

I just got caught up.  I talked to Colleen and she told me you had said good bye but the words didn't soak in till I read them.

 

Tonight is the saddest time since I have been a member of this forum.  I have such mixed feelings - I am happy that you are able to go out into the world again but am so sad that you have decided to leave here.  I feel it is more than just wanting to get back into the real world for you have been doing that for some time now.  Things have been happening on this forum this past month, there are others that are missing also, or posting very little.  It is sad all this started happening over a thread or two or three.......

 

Please go on your vacation and come back and share with us how it was.  Let us know that it is really possible to get well and go on vacation again.  You Jenny were so much more than a success story. You were here a reminder of the success, you were real interacting with so many.  I loved seeing your angle avatar out amongst the threads. It always perked me up and brought encouragement.  Thank you for being there so many times.

 

I'm not saying good bye - I'm saying see you around, look forward to hearing about the BB vacation - how wonderful that you all are getting to meet and are able to do this.  I'm so excited for you girls.  Jenny we were living thru you, you doing this gave me hopes of my future.

 

I'm sorry for being so selfish.  I'm so happy you are out amongst the real world, please return after your vacation.

 

Enjoy, rest, laugh, talk, sing, cry, dance - live it to the fullest

 

thanks for being there for so many as well as myself,

 

love  ,

Sally

 

I have written this post 3 xs, it isn't what I want but what I guess I'm posting over 2 hours after I started this.

 

Jenny I'm 8 1/2 months free, I have spent 3 evenings out in the real world doing events that were important for me to be there and I was able to.  Jenny please come back, just to do your updates - you don't have to do what you have been, just post and let us read your words that you are ok. You are the only person I know that is healed that is reachable, or you were.....

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what she said

[Guest [...]]

Not a single day passes that I dont think of you.  I hope you know that you are special to me in every way possible.  I even think of your pal Krock I hope he is doing well.  I think he has done the runner as well lol. 

 

Love to you and I hope life is treating you well you so deserve it.

 

Lizzyxxx

[[Co...]]

Hi Jenny, thinking of you and sending my love....I remember when you and I were both here everyday all day...lol you never let me just creep around either, always you said hi to me from the shoutbox and that touched me so...let me know I wasnt forgotten. Jenny, its a good thing you arent here as much...thats whats supposed to happen. I hope you Tam, CMG, and Mary have a great time on your trip. Drive careful girlies...Billy told me how you Jersey folks drive lol. xoxoxo Colleen

 

 

KRock, I know miss Jenny is your main girl but truly come back if you need the help. So many of us care about you. I care about you and am here for you. Besides I miss your funny self! xo Colleen

[[St...]]

Hi Jenny,

 

I'm thinking about you and your trip.  Have a wonderful time, then please come back and tell your success story.  There are so many that are needing to hear your words.

 

http://www.allgraphics123.com/ag/01/13058/13058.gif

 

Have a wonderful trip,

I love you

Sally

[Guest [...]]

hey Jen

 

Still missing you heaps and heaps.  I will never forget you.

 

 

Love Lizzyxx

[[KR...]]

Everything is okay in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end.

[[ja...]]

Hi Guys!!!!

 

OMG .Alexa, Pan, Colleen, Lizzy, Sally,JRock

 

Thank YOU! You guys are so wonderful. I cant believe all the amazing things you all said. I was reading even when I wasnt logged on .You guys have made me feel like I wasnt forgotton Its so sweet.

 

Sally ur rt .. You hit the nail on the head when u said what you did. I did feel like I needed to leave due to a horrible thread I found myself in. I found  I was dissapointed with myself. I still am. But I like your advise .Ill come bye from time to time. I have been reading what your going thru. Please Sally hang in there. I know your so overwhelmed and so tired. But you Fight .Your going to be so wonderful again. I promise you sally. This is not a Life sentence. Its the hardest fight ever but Its your Fight  to WIN!!! You can do it. I know you can.

 

Lizzy my god. I dont even know where to begin. Your like a stranger who has become a most familair family member to me. I think at first you may not have liked me very much! But come on Lizzy how could you resist my charm.LOL .No I think you and me are very simular in so many ways. I see it. Im so lucky for your constint support care and concern for me. You have made my day so many days. I am Grateful for you. I just love you to death. I want you to hang tight Lizzy .You are doing so amazing and are so great at being there for aso many. Your amazing. But you have to keep strong and fight this all the way till the end. I know ur hurting .Its so hard. But this is your LIFE .And your going to be living it to the Fullest when this is done.Promise. Just a bit more ok.

 

Ill respond more later more. Thank you all so much I am so happy to have met so many beautiful loyal friends.

 

JRock thats some sayin. I likey. Im gonna steal it and start saying it and tell peeps I made it up! lol

Im gonna take all the credit for ur Wisdom. Bahaha

Your doing better then anyone could with all you have and are going through. Be so proud . I am.

Dont forget. All The Way Till The End...

 

Colleen ur a special one ..Thank you for all you have done for me and still do. Thank you for everything.

 

Pan aww Love you Pan.Thanks for what you said.Your to sweet to me.

 

Alexa..That was so nice of you to say! I appreciate that so much thank you.. You really touched me when I read that.

[Guest [...]]

lolz Jenny sister you are to funny maybe you are right thinking back then hahaha I dont know but the memory is there now maybe I found you a little different at first but perhaps so much like me I dont know I was very ill back then hehe.  I love you now though so much I really do.  Please dont stay away I hate it when you are not here with your lightness and wisdom I know you are wise you probably dont feel it but you are.  Anyway enough about us how r u feeling?  Have you had fun on your break did your trip go well.

 

Im hanging tight Jen no choice have I. Still freaked out and scared how could you not be but I know its going to be ok one day.

 

Love you friend

 

Lizzyxxx

[[Re...]]

Jenny,

 

I was so happy to read a post from you. I still check everyday to see if you are back. I think I know what you are up to. Did you go down the street and get that job we talked about? You know the one with the name badge and all. He he.

 

I still really really miss you around here. Selfishly I'm grateful that you were here for my taper.  The beauty is that you are still here in all your posts. They all speak to everyone. During my anxious moments I still go to them.

 

I always loved how well you treated everyone. You treat everyone like they are the most important person. I still can't believe how hard you could get me to laugh at the most inappropriate times....

 

Take care my beautiful friend....

Love,

Pammy

[[An...]]

Dear Jennifer,

 

  I so appreciate your post of success.  I am about to face the fight of my life.  Your words are encouraging that others have gone through benzo withdrawal and came out on the other side, living life again.  I have been through what I found out to be benzodiazepine syndrome.  I currently am physically and emotionally addicted to Klonipin.  It has ruined my life.  But God is with me.  I must find help somehow to come off this medication.  I cling to the hope, in Christ, that this nightmare will end.

God bless,

AndreaD

[[ja...]]

Lizzy...

 

How you feeling tonight? I hope your starting to have some relief from all this nasty w/d can bring. I really think your doing so good Lizzy. Youve come a long way in this. I know as time passes your just going to get better and better. Your doing so good. Its the weekend Lizzy do you have big plans?

 

You asked how have I been? You know Ive been really good.I for the first time in 2 years feel so much like the old me. I started to really get back into life and do alot around the house and just do some remodeling.I moved into this home when I was 8 weeks into w/d talk about D/R!!! lol.

 

My Bday just passsed on the 29th and it was the 3rd one I had since W/D and I could not believe it was the first one were I felt just like ME! I promise you when time passes your going to see even when ur feeling better that you continue to get better and better till your feeling Great.

Love ya Lizzy.. Hey is your doggy a Malshi? Maltese and Shitzu? I have one hes a real Monster!lol

 

Pammy!!!!

 

Aww Miss Pammy ur way to sweet. Thank You..I remember when we met over a year ago and we became friends rt away in Chat. I remember that day because oddly there was noone but you and me there.That was strange cause usually there were so many. You have tackled the most horrific experience of your life and you did it with such Grace Pam. Now looky .Your all DONE!!! Yippiee. You did so good Pam and I am so happy I was able to be part of it. Your a wonderful friend and I want to thank you for all you have done for me over this time. And thank you for your friendship to me .I love ya to death .Your so rt .We definitly have laughed so hard at the most In appropiate Times lol. Like super in appropriate.Bahahha

 

AndreaD...

 

So nice to meet you .Thank you .I just wanted to say to you.You stay real strong and walk this road with Christ.I promise you he will never Let you Go.The truth is Andrea I have been through alot in my adult life and things I never should have been able to get through and still be so happy. But I never did it alone. I Looked UP! So you stay Prayerful and just know this will bring you a full and Joyful life when this is all done.Its a hard road but I promise its a Road that has a beautiful End. I wish you all the best and please dont ever Give Up. You can Win!!!

 

Xo~Jenny

[Guest [...]]

Jenny lovely friend its night here as you know clever girl and im getting very very tired.  I have been here all day yet again week 7 off it feels like seven years.  Im doing lots better but have a real overwhelming fear thing happening im sure it will disappear soon along with the anxiety which is not like normal anxiety and all the other stuff it brings but yeah im doing lots better.  No big plans darling Im afraid Im not into doing much at the moment getting out and hanging with the normals is not high on my agenda atm.  Its funny I cant be bothered with my flesh friends anymore I have nothing to say its all about my boys and my bb's at the moment and thats just fine. 

 

Usually about now I would be getting ready to go snow skiing its the first day of winter here and this weekend is the opening of the skiing season and well you know its just a thing of the past now.  Anyway enough about me you are doing so well my friend how did you ever move out in withdrawal how did you do it?  its so exciting for you isnt it all this new stuff enjoying your sweet self.

 

Now about this birthday oh m g HAPPY BIRTHDAY  I wish I would have known I would have sent you some flowers lol.  At least you had a normal birthday and felt normal woohoo.  Oh yeah my dog is a maltese shitzu how did you know. lol he is so cute he is two years old and just divine he is on my lap now hehe.

 

Jen you have a lovely weekend im so glad you are back I really am thrilled hey I tried to pm you and it doesnt work I wrote it out and then when i hit send I remembered yours are blocked lolz.

 

Lizzyxxx

[[Ca...]]

Dear Jenny

 

I have again come back to read your success story.

It has given me comfort today.

Thank you for your caring.

Carol

[[ja...]]

Lizzy Hi honey.

 

How was your day? Before I went to bed I saw you were feeling good Yay.And that you were going shopping all day!!! Yippieee.. Thats awesome . Tell me where did you go and what did you buy? lol

I am so happy for you Lizzy .I know that feeling to. When I started to heal I would actually be out and think OMG Im like the Humans again. Its a good feeling.. Way to go .Your going to have so many more days like the one you had today .Its the Horrible ones that will Disappear!I was reading your blog before I went to bed and I was laughing.You sound like your so much better!

 

Lizzy my Bday was really great when it started out in the morning.I felt excelent. I remember when I went into w/d it was 2 weeks before my Bday I was 36 and when my Bday came I was so messed up and trapped it was the worst ever. Also cause I didnt know what was happening to me. Then my second one I was here and was starting to heal.It was still not good. But this one .I was myself completely!!! Time heals .I am so grateful I can be here and say that .I was a true legit mess Lizzy I had way over 30 sxs and as time was passing I was getting worse. I should have been under doctor care by the way I was deteriating. I just knew in my heart Im gonna beat this no matter how hard I have to fight. Keep fighing and keep staying exactly the way you are ..You are wonderful and so helpful to so many. You have made me smile so many times by your caring and friendship. Thank You Pretty Lizzy.

 

Carol

 

Thank You Carol so much.I am so happy I was able to bring you some Hope.You hang in there ok. This is so hard and feels like theres noway we could ever feel good again. Thats not true. You will. Your going to feel so calm and peaceful .All your sxs will subside then they will disappear.This is the worst experience to ever have to endure.I know. But its so beatable. Its a Fight you will win.Your going to be so happy again just stay as strong as you can.

 

Xo~Jenny

[Guest [...]]

Jenny lol you would have been proud of me spending money you should have been shopping with me I brought some pretty cool skinny jeans they are pretty wild im sure you would have approved hard to explain but they are like beige and have a black print all over them loud and proud .  I brought a jacket and a dress and some new perfume hehe.

 

Oh yeah some comic relief on the blog today was so much fun there are some great people on the forum thats for sure we are lucky lucky hey.  Its so hard when you feel like this and well Im feeling that the waves and windows thing is not a lie and im really buying into the fact that when you have a really bad wave you then get a window as such.

 

I hate that you suffered so badly and you survived its truly amazing what the human spirit can do hey.  So glad you got to have a good birthday after the last couple of years that is awesome.  anyway im eating handfuls of potatoe chips right now heard today potatoe heals gaba so Ill give it a shot.

 

was listening to hey I heard you were the wild one today on the way home and I think that is going to be our song remember when you sent that to me when I was really sick Ill never forget it.  I was dancing in the car and my son said r u having a fit lolz.

 

enjoy your weekend beautiful girl

 

Lizzyxxx

[[bo...]]

You gotta be kidding.benzo friendly.A Panera Restaraunt is right around the corner.I just happened by a while ago and picked a soup randomly,sat in back benzo alley and chilled.Now I know why I liked it so.Good stop.

[[sa...]]

Wow Jenny!  You are a true survivor and inspiration.  Thank you for your beautifully worded posts!  We are lucky to have you here!

[[ja...]]

Hi Lizzy Girl..Morning! Hope you have the Best day EVER!!! Go ahead .Go put your Sexy skinny Jeans on.. I love my skinny jeans.. Yay for Fashion...lol

 

Bostontommy. Nice of you to come bye and part take in the interest of Panera Bread! Good stuff just had it for lunch the other day...Pick Two its my fav.

 

Sarafina honey thanks so much for saying that..You stay strong this is so hard I know. I spent so many days and nights just praying and crying.I couldnt believe how extreme this was. It wasnt ending I never got windows .It was so bad and I just truly fought so hard to just not loose it. I know ur hurting .I am so sorry your going through this.But I am so thankful I can truly say..You are going to Heal. You are!!! Thanks God.

 

Im so glad you stopped bye.. Its nice to meet you

 

~Jenny

[Guest [...]]

Jenny

 

thanks darling have them on now but the very best pair are going on tomoz will think of you I know you would want these I just know it.  Well my friend Im feeling so good I never thought this would end today I had a normal day it freaked me out like an all day normal person at the movies and all enjoying myself it was weird.  You were not lying to me were ya I knew you wouldnt lie to your friend.

 

So whats doing with you are you keeping out of trouble or are you in it haha Im trying to get into trouble I need to get out more.

 

Love to you sweety

 

Lizzyxx

[[Ca...]]

Thanks Jenny

I just read your encouragement to me. Just what I needed to here on this down day.

The physical sxs are plaguing me too. Love  carol

Ps Don't feel that you have to answer this post. I just wanted to say thank you.

[[sa...]]

Hi Jenny.

Did you have any gi issues and if so what did you do to help it?

[[ja...]]

Hi sarafina..

 

I had terrible GI issues it was so bad I couldnt tolerate even water. I was on Previcid for 3 months. It did help the burning alot. The burning was so awful it felt like it was in my lungs.But as for the cramping and twisting pain that kinda just took time to resolve on its own. Are you having GI issues ? I also gained and lost weight due to this. But Im consistent now with my weight and those issues are gone..

 

~Jenny

 

 

[[ja...]]

Lizzy!!!!

Thats amazing! I am so happy for you! Its amazing how wonderful it feels to feel so good again rt.

Lizzy your so right.I would never lie to you. Never..If I hadnt been so bad for so long and seeing no light in sight to being better then Healed .I couldnt say it.Thats why im here .Just to keep reminding over and over again ..This Ends.It gets even better Lizzy.. You hang onto that.. This is the best News ever!!Ive very proud of you.You have fought very good Lizzy.Always staying so positive even when you were feeling so bad.. Yay for Pretty Lizzy.

 

You have yourself a great nights sleep.. And when you wake I hope your even Better then today!

Nite Nite Lizzy

 

~Jenny

[[ja...]]

Thanks Jenny

I just read your encouragement to me. Just what I needed to here on this down day.

The physical sxs are plaguing me too. Love  carol

Ps Don't feel that you have to answer this post. I just wanted to say thank you.

Aww Carol...

 

Im sorry your having a Down day.. Those are the tuffest ones..

They will not stay for long .Soon Calmness will come .Then Peace.Then comes Clearity and the Fog lifts.Its like the Flu has gone .Then ur sxs Ease .And Pure Happyness comes! You hang on for that ok?

 

You didnt really think I wasnt going to Respond did you? Never. Stay strong.Your going to be ok

 

~Jenny