LadyDen’s Poetry Cafe

[[Bl...]]

 

My Path

 

This path is not one I'd have chosen.

    A nervous system reaction to a drug interaction

        has brought about my world's implosion.

 

My former life

    though filled with strife

        and occasionally some anxiety...

 

Has faded away,

    into yesterday,

        and is now a receding memory.

 

So with each passing day,

    I try and hold the demons at bay,

        as I search for purpose and meaning.

 

 And now my concern, 

    is what lessons can I learn,

        that might make this sojourn redeeming.

 

I'm a believer in Divine Providence.

    So I accept this journey, pray for His mercy,    

        and ask the Lord to enlighten my consciousness.

 

That as I face each tomorrow,

    I will move through my sorrow,    

        towards a life of more spiritual consequence.

 

By Blue Lion

 

Edited October 9, 2023 by [Bl...]

[[be...]]

2 hours ago, [[B...] said:

My Path

 

This path is not one I'd have chosen.

    A nervous system reaction to a drug interaction

        has brought about my world's implosion.

 

My former life

    though filled with strife

        and occasionally some anxiety...

 

Has faded away,

    into yesterday,

        and is now a receding memory.

 

So with each passing day,

    I try and hold the demons at bay,

        as I search for purpose and meaning.

 

 And now my concern, 

    is what lessons can I learn,

        that might make this sojourn redeeming.

 

I'm a believer in Divine Providence.

    So I accept this journey, pray for His mercy,    

        and ask the Lord to enlighten my consciousness.

 

That as I face each tomorrow,

    I will move through my sorrow,    

        towards a life of more spiritual consequence.

 

By Blue Lion

Beautiful and so touching, thank you.

[[La...]]

On 09/10/2023 at 14:32, [[B...] said:

My Path

 

This path is not one I'd have chosen.

    A nervous system reaction to a drug interaction

        has brought about my world's implosion.

 

My former life

    though filled with strife

        and occasionally some anxiety...

 

Has faded away,

    into yesterday,

        and is now a receding memory.

 

So with each passing day,

    I try and hold the demons at bay,

        as I search for purpose and meaning.

 

 And now my concern, 

    is what lessons can I learn,

        that might make this sojourn redeeming.

 

I'm a believer in Divine Providence.

    So I accept this journey, pray for His mercy,    

        and ask the Lord to enlighten my consciousness.

 

That as I face each tomorrow,

    I will move through my sorrow,    

        towards a life of more spiritual consequence.

 

By Blue Lion

How lovely! Especially the last part! 

[[Bl...]]

begood and LadyDen,

Thank you both for your warm and kind comments.

[[Bl...]]

 

A Little Check-In with the Big Guy

 

Dear Lord,...

 

This journey seems forever fraught.

    It is dark and seemingly without end.

Traveling a road that I never sought. 

    Just waiting for mind and body to mend.

 

I couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams

    the bizarre torment and misery I endure.

Fear, gloom, and dread experienced in the extreme.

    Never in my life have I felt so unsure.

 

If there is a lesson to learn, Lord, Please make it clear.

    For it's certainly not something I see.

What might I gain from all this unfounded fear?

    Please Lord, have mercy, and reveal it to me.

 

You've showered me with blessings throughout my years.

    Have I not been grateful? Is that what this is about?

Life used to make sense, now nothing's as it appears.

    I'm so confounded and riddled with self-doubt.

 

I don't mean to complain, Lord but give me a break.

    It's been years since I've felt like myself.

One would think that I've suffered enough for Your sake.

    I beg of You, give me back my health!

 

Like a modern day Job, all I had now seems lost.

    But I'm reminded my life's in Your hands.   

My faith remains strong. But oh Lord, the cost.

    I turn over to you what I can't understand.

     

It's tiresome Lord, and I'm weary to the bone.

    I seek shelter in the comfort of Your grace.

Friends and family all around me yet I feel so alone.

    I pray for delivery from this drab, dreary, place.

 

Please Lord, may my strength and spirit be renewed.

     Be it Your will, I humbly accept my fate.

I ask You for the fortitude, to see this thing through.

    And the wherewithal for this odyssey I navigate. 

        

Maybe someday I'll come to understand,

    the purpose behind behind this cross that I bear.

My faith compels me to trust in Your plan.

    But for now, Lord, please lift this veil of despair.

 

By Blue Lion

 

 

 

 

Edited October 24, 2023 by [Bl...]

[[be...]]

4 hours ago, [[B...] said:

A Little Check-In with the Big Guy

 

Dear Lord,...

 

This journey seems forever fraught.

    It is dark and seemingly without end.

Traveling a road that I never sought. 

    Just waiting for mind and body to mend.

 

I couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams

    the bizarre torment and misery I endure.

Fear, gloom, and dread experienced in the extreme.

    Never in my life have I felt so unsure.

 

If there is a lesson to learn, Lord, Please make it clear.

    For it's certainly not something I see.

What might I gain from all this unfounded fear?

    Please Lord, have mercy, and reveal it to me.

 

You've showered me with blessings throughout my years.

    Have I not been grateful? Is that what this is about?

Life used to make sense, now nothing's as it appears.

    I'm so confounded and riddled with self-doubt.

 

I don't mean to complain, Lord but give me a break.

    It's been years since I've felt like myself.

One would think that I've suffered enough for Your sake.

    I beg of You, give me back my health!

 

Like a modern day Job, all I had now seems lost.

    But I'm reminded my life's in Your hands.   

My faith remains strong. But oh Lord, the cost.

    I turn over to you what I can't understand.

     

It's tiresome Lord, and I'm weary to the bone.

    I seek shelter in the comfort of Your grace.

Friends and family all around me yet I feel so alone.

    I pray for delivery from this drab, dreary, place.

 

Please Lord, may my strength and spirit be renewed.

     Be it Your will, I humbly accept my fate.

I ask You for the fortitude, to see this thing through.

    And the wherewithal for this odyssey I navigate. 

        

Maybe someday I'll come to understand,

    the purpose behind behind this cross that I bear.

My faith compels me to trust in Your plan.

    But for now, Lord, please lift this veil of despair.

 

By Blue Lion

Words that only one who knows suffering, but still believes in renewal.

[[La...]]

Thief of Joy 

This has been so hard but here I still stand

Im not quite at the finish line but I can touch it with my hand

I was waking up everyday in much better peace

Hugging me as a blanket with warmth that doesn’t cease

But, then I started looking at my buddy next to me

He hasn’t struggled too much and closer to being free

A stroke of jealousy rained down through my spine

Envy quickly filled all the thoughts in my mind

Why am I not where he’s at when I’m further than he

Then anger whispered in my ear just how pissed I should be

But, gratitude stepped in hurriedly to employ

Careful with comparison for it’s known to be a thief of joy

It doesn’t matter another’s path or where they are

Keep in mind that you survived and that makes you a star

By Lady Den

🤝It’s nice to see someone else doing well in this process. But, it also can make people feel bad that they’re not doing as well as they might want especially when you’ve got some time under your belt. I keep in mind that the other buddy isn’t me…doesn’t have my genetic makeup, my environment, my same stressors, my same way that my medication hit my brain. They’re not me and I’m not them. So, don’t let comparing yourself steal your joy of how far you’ve come! 🤝

[[Bl...]]

So true LadyDen. Wise counsel indeed!

[[Bl...]]

 

My Way

 

For aches and pains

and mild muscles strains

Tylenol or Advil will do.

 

And OTC remedies

are helpful, you see.

For the occasional sniffle or flu.

 

As for anything stronger,

I don't take them any longer.

As I've become much more wary.

 

And doctors' prescriptions

for psychological afflictions

for me, seem a little bit scary.

 

The tales are out there,

of horrific nightmares,

resulting from adverse effects.

 

Prolonged withdrawal

from these supposed cure-alls,

give reason to be circumspect.

 

The wonders of modern medicine,

and pharmaceutical intervention

for some may hold the key.

 

But if I have my way,

I'd prefer to stay

totally and completely drug free.

 

So though my life, 

may be filled with strife

and struggles of the mind and body.

 

I'll work through my issues

With a good therapist I'll choose.

And rely on my own antibodies.

 

By Blue Lion

 

[[be...]]

5 hours ago, [[B...] said:

My Way

 

For aches and pains

and mild muscles strains

Tylenol or Advil will do.

 

And OTC remedies

are helpful, you see.

For the occasional sniffle or flu.

 

As for anything stronger,

I don't take them any longer.

As I've become much more wary.

 

And doctors' prescriptions

for psychological afflictions

for me, seem a little bit scary.

 

The tales are out there,

of horrific nightmares,

resulting from adverse effects.

 

Prolonged withdrawal

from these supposed cure-alls,

give reason to be circumspect.

 

The wonders of modern medicine,

and pharmaceutical intervention

for some may hold the key.

 

But if I have my way,

I'd prefer to stay

totally and completely drug free.

 

So though my life, 

may be filled with strife

and struggles of the mind and body.

 

I'll work through my issues

With a good therapist I'll choose.

And rely on my own antibodies.

 

By Blue Lion

Oh this is so true, I do not want anything going into my body...esp something that changed my brain chemistry and caused such a horrible tapering for all of us. You got this.

[[La...]]

All of My Tomorrows 

I’m waiting with patience to meet the other side of this with my arms open wide

To gather all of my smiles I’ve been saving up and use them to cast far away sadness inside 

I’m watching the horizon for the sun to make its debut as it has done many mornings before

As a testament of my darkest days being over and those dreadful mornings are no more

I’m making my plans now for I know I have much happy events to indulge myself in 

Taking in those moments as I lock in every detail that will forever engrave within 

I’m keeping from this experience all the good but cannot have any reflections of its sorrow

For I only have enough room to fill my new life with long awaited pleasantries of all of my tomorrows 

BY Lady Den ♥️👍🏼🤝 

[[be...]]

6 hours ago, [[L...] said:

All of My Tomorrows 

I’m waiting with patience to meet the other side of this with my arms open wide

To gather all of my smiles I’ve been saving up and use them to cast far away sadness inside 

I’m watching the horizon for the sun to make its debut as it has done many mornings before

As a testament of my darkest days being over and those dreadful mornings are no more

I’m making my plans now for I know I have much happy events to indulge myself in 

Taking in those moments as I lock in every detail that will forever engrave within 

I’m keeping from this experience all the good but cannot have any reflections of its sorrow

For I only have enough room to fill my new life with long awaited pleasantries of all of my tomorrows 

BY Lady Den ♥️👍🏼🤝 

 

"I’m keeping from this experience all the good but cannot have any reflections of its sorrow

For I only have enough room to fill my new life with long awaited pleasantries of all of my tomorrows "

"

[[Bl...]]

 

 

 

 

Thank You

 

Each day a simple message, to help us stay on track.

Words intended to lighten our day.

Uplifting and forward focused, she gives something back.

Gentle assurance to help us find our way.

 

I look forward to her messages, part of my morning routine.

They always bring a smile to my face.

Inspirational and encouraging, words upon which I can lean.

Thoughtful reflections that I eagerly embrace.

 

Those going through withdrawal need all the tools we can find.

To keep us from the grip of despair.

Her words provide perspective, furnishing peace of mind.

And lightening the load that we bear.

 

Reading her missives enables me to begin each day with gratitude.

Framing my day in a positive light.

My journey's made a little easier when I have the right attitude.

I'll get through this; things will turn out all right.

 

So, I thought I'd put forth a few lines of appreciation.

I'd give you a big hug If I could.

But alas, all I have are these words of admiration.

And a note of thanks to Benzo Buddy begood!

 

 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2023 by [Bl...]

[[be...]]

4 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Thank You

 

Each day a simple message, to help us stay on track.

Words intended to lighten our day.

Uplifting and forward focused, she gives something back.

Gentle assurance to help us find our way.

 

I look forward to her messages, part of my morning routine.

They always bring a smile to my face.

Inspirational and encouraging, words upon which I can lean.

Thoughtful reflections that I eagerly embrace.

 

Those going through withdrawal need all the tools we can find.

To keep us from the grip of despair.

Her words provide perspective, furnishing peace of mind.

And lightening the load that we bear.

 

Reading her missives enables me to begin each day with gratitude.

Framing my day in a positive light.

My journey's made a little easier when I have the right attitude.

I'll get through this; things will turn out all right.

 

So, I thought I'd put forth a few lines of appreciation.

I'd give you a big hug If I could.

But alas, all I have are these words of admiration.

And a note of thanks to Benzo Buddy begood!

Oh my goodness, your prose brought me to tears, and thank you for your kind words. I started my thread many years ago, because I needed to be lifted during hard times, and I found that the quotes I chose reached out to many here at BB, and it gave me a purpose to help others in a different way. Thanks again for your kind words.

[[Bl...]]

You are most welcome! I so look forward to your posts and often find myself copying them to send to my friends who need a lift. Have a lovely weekend! 

[[La...]]

Reading her missives enables me to begin each day with gratitude.

Framing my day in a positive light.

My journey's made a little easier when I have the right attitude.

I'll get through this; things will turn out all right.

 

So, I thought I'd put forth a few lines of appreciation.

I'd give you a big hug If I could.

But alas, all I have are these words of admiration.

And a note of thanks to Benzo Buddy begood!

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE! Thank you Begood for being such a loving support and dear friend! You deserve a medal on this forum. I love you dearly! 🥰🌹❤️🤝

Blue, very lovely poem. You’re awesome! 👏

 

[[be...]]

6 hours ago, [[L...] said:

Reading her missives enables me to begin each day with gratitude.

Framing my day in a positive light.

My journey's made a little easier when I have the right attitude.

I'll get through this; things will turn out all right.

 

So, I thought I'd put forth a few lines of appreciation.

I'd give you a big hug If I could.

But alas, all I have are these words of admiration.

And a note of thanks to Benzo Buddy begood!

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE! Thank you Begood for being such a loving support and dear friend! You deserve a medal on this forum. I love you dearly! 🥰🌹❤️🤝

Blue, very lovely poem. You’re awesome! 👏

Oh here I go again, tears in my eyes, thank you for your kind words, Love you too. We all deserve medals and more that is for sure, for the fight we have been in and not giving up to the benzo.

[[Bl...]]

 

 

Season’s Greetings

 

Twas the night before Christmas and I couldn't sleep.

I lie awake in my bed with a case of the Dreeps!

Intrusive, creepy, thoughts filled with gloom, fear, and dread.

I just couldn't shake them as they swirled through my head.

 

Hells bells! Another holiday ruined by my health.

It been six long years since I've felt like myself.

A dark night of the soul was how I described,

my withdrawal from a drug I just took as prescribed.

 

I got out of bed and made my way down the stairs.

In hopes that some hot chocolate would chase away my cares.

With cocoa in hand I sat and wallowed in self-pity.

Staring at the Christmas tree decorated so pretty.

 

As I took it all in, my depression overcame my fears.

"Why me?", I thought. And soon I was awash in my tears.

In this most joyous season, where the emphasis is on giving.

I stared at that tree questioning is this a life worth living.

 

I took note of the handmade ornaments made many years ago.

Crafted by my kids, they hung from the branches all aglow.

Then images of Christmases past flooded my anxious mind.

With memories of my children, compassionate and kind.

 

The year my kids found new bicycles under the tree.

Their whoops and hollers could be heard up and down the street.

And the Christmas I dressed up as Mickey Mouse; they found that a bit shocking.

Until they saw the Disney World tickets stuffed in their stockings.

 

I remembered when we got the kids a puppy; they were in tears.

What a memory! Ol' Attie was with us for twelve lovely years.

Thinking of my family fills my heart with warmth and gratitude.

It always lifts my spirits and does wonders for my attitude.

 

Then I noticed the milk and cookies that sat on the mantel.

A tradition we still maintained from when I was little.

A snack for Santa and his reindeer in the middle of the night.

In the morning the glass would be empty, not a cookie in sight.

 

It made me think of Mom and how she taught us all to bake.

And the fun we all shared decorating the cookies and cakes.

Oh, how we pestered her, and would connive and cajole.

To see who’d, get to lick the beaters and who'd get the bowl.

 

Both Mom and Dad have given all they could to my siblings and me.

Their love and lasting values will leave quite a legacy.

I'm thankful for the family in which I was raised.

And I'll cherish those memories until the end of my days.

 

I then raised my gaze to the top of the tree.

There glowed a star, shining bright for all to see.

Then down below to our antique Nativity.

A reminder of where our focus truly should be.

 

It got me thinking about that very first Christmas.

And the baby Jesus, whose life bought our forgiveness.

All the miracles and suffering of his brief three-year mission.

And I soon felt overwhelmed with a heart full of contrition.

 

I've always believed in God and grew up in a Christian home.

But I never felt religious or on a spiritual path of my own.

For me, only Sunday mornings did the church take center-stage.

And then even less of a concern when I became of age.

 

That's one thing positive I'll say about this withdrawal and recovery.

It's been a catalyst to what's become my spiritual rediscovery.

I couldn't have survived all the misery I've endured.

Without the life saving grace my faith in Christ has secured.

 

Throughout my illness, I have often turned to the Lord.

Growing more resilient with each word of His I explored.

It's said He shows his strength when matters are at their worst.

I can attest to that, as I've battled with this curse.

 

Soon I found myself sitting in quiet contemplation.

Of my many blessings, despite my current debilitation.

These last few years aside, I've really had it pretty good.

Self-pity just makes things worse. A fact I now understood.

 

The kids were coming tomorrow, now fully grown.

To make new yuletide memories with children of their own.

And I as their Granddad would somehow find a way.

To push through my symptoms, so we could all laugh and play.

 

They know I can't always be there and show up like I used to.

But their support never fails to assuredly see me through.

They make no judgment and just accept me where I'm at.

As they patiently wait for me to make my way back.

 

It was then that I noticed that my Dreeps were all gone.

My tears had dried up and I started to yawn.

My eyelids grew heavy, and my mind was at ease.

I'm so glad I took a moment to stare at that tree.

 

So, I toddled upstairs and crawled into my bed.

Peace on earth, love, and joy filled the thoughts in my head.

Yeah, withdrawal really sucks but I knew I’d be okay.

As I looked forward to yet another fine Christmas Day!

 

I have much to be grateful for in spite of my circumstance.

I may not like the music but I'm gonna’ finish this dance.

This holiday isn’t ruined. everything's all right.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

 

By Blue Lion

Have a wonderful holiday season BenzoBuddies!

 

 

[[be...]]

Oh such a wonderful story, so very true and insightful and the ending a Christmas Miracle, you so deserve. The one thing that I know, we are all stronger than we think and benzo wd, has shown us that even with the sad times, there is always light from Our Father. Happy Holidays to you too.

[[La...]]

Fabulous Xmas poem, Blue! I loved how it told a story. Happy holidays to you and yours! 

[[La...]]

Still Holding On 

Some thought I wouldn’t make it and doubted me everyday

They said I’m not staying with you and went their  way

Though I’ve been talked about and highly criticized 

I’ve had to wipe so many heartbroken tears from my eyes

They thought I could do better when I was doing all I can 

This is an inner injury that they cannot understand 

Some started out with me giving their support

But in just a little while they disappeared and came up short 

I knew right then that this was my fight to battle alone

No need to cry out for help for no one was home

God whispered in my heart that it’s alright for he is here 

To trust in him then let go of all the doubts and fear

He lovingly let me know in my darkest of hours

He’s my all in all with infinite healing power

“ Have faith in me! Period! Here’s my strength so be strong!”

And that is why and how I’m still holding on. 
By Lady Den 🦋🙏

Edited December 11, 2023 by [La...]

[[Bl...]]

Lovely poem LadyDen. But you're not alone. Prayers go out for you everyday from many of us on this forum. Hang in there, your best self is just up ahead.

[[de...]]

@[La...]Love your poem!   Hang in there!   You are much loved and like @[Bl...] said you are not alone.   We are with you!  

@[Bl...] Your poem made me cry.   Thanks for such a gracious, lovely story.   I am really struggling right now, and thinking about not being able to participate in the holidays like I want to is so very hard.  

[[be...]]

8 hours ago, [[L...] said:

Still Holding On 

Some thought I wouldn’t make it and doubted me everyday

They said I’m not staying with you and went their  way

Though I’ve been talked about and highly criticized 

I’ve had to wipe so many heartbroken tears from my eyes

They thought I could do better when I was doing all I can 

This is an inner injury that they cannot understand 

Some started out with me giving their support

But in just a little while they disappeared and came up short 

I knew right then that this was my fight to battle alone

No need to cry out for help for no one was home

God whispered in my heart that it’s alright for he is here 

To trust in him then let go of all the doubts and fear

He lovingly let me know in my darkest of hours

He’s my all in all with infinite healing power

“ Have faith in me! Period! Here’s my strength so be strong!”

And that is why and how I’m still holding on. 
By Lady Den 🦋🙏

I knew that there was One that would not leave you and I know He has always been there for you. I also know your struggles, and I know how strong you are, and I know you mean so much to me and others here at BB, with your kindness and help to others. 

[[Ga...]]

These poems really do touch the heart and give comfort……and, they even bring some tears.  Not tears of hurt and desperation, but tears of hope that we will all see a great deal of healing in 2024♥️🙏

Hugs,

GG