LadyDen’s Poetry Cafe

[[be...]]

        A Butterfly’s Prayer 🦋

 

I am a caterpillar who has been struggling on the ground

Barely able to press forward as my way of getting around

Some days down here it just doesn’t go so well

I take a needed break and just stay there for a spell

But I make sure I don’t stay there far too long

For you see, I’m on my way to make a cocoon my home

It will be the hardest thing that I’ve endured yet

I must face it without fear, worry or much fret

There’s no need to fight it because it is a must

It’s part of the process and in it I must trust

When it’s all over, I won’t have to do it ever again

I’ll have beautiful wings to proudly display as my new friend

I will be a butterfly for the ground will be my past

The sky will be my limit long awaited at last

I pray that when I take flight that I will make God proud

Stopping to admire his lovely flowers proclaiming him aloud

I ask for his will to guide me with my heart full of his joy

For he brought me through a mighty trial for this new life to enjoy

Although it is the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to endure

It really is the only way for me to appreciate the reward for sure!

 

By LadyDen

🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

Couldn't pick, the poem was right on, we are truly caterpillars waiting to become "Butterflies"...and one day you will emerge with serenity and much strength, as you know how hard it was to emerge from the cocoon.

[[Bl...]]

For purposes of attribution:  The poem I've written below was based on a letter written by Jennifer Swantkowski, Ph.D. 

Dr. Swantkowski is a mental health clinician who's had to shut down her practice due to her own struggles with benzo withdrawal and BIND.  She posted her letter on her blog, which can be found here; https://www.jenniferswanphd.com/a-letter-to-myself-about-thoughts-in-benzo-wd/ She also recited her letter on her YouTube site which can be found here: 

 

Perspective

From the dark and scary sinister recesses of my mind,

come those images, thoughts, memories, and feelings.

They sweep into my battered psyche, already much maligned.

It’s all just part of the long process of healing.

 

They were never there before I experienced BIND.

It’s characteristic of a highly sensitized state.

And now it’s part of my everyday grind.

These mental fireworks that lead me to ruminate.

 

But not today, for I see them as what they are.

A sordid attempt at delusion.

The content is irrelevant. It’s all so bizarre.

And the fear is just an illusion.

 

It’s all free-floating anxiety, searching for a home.

A contrivance of brain chemistry corrupted.

So, leave my house and yard.  From there you’re free to roam.

This shitshow has just been interrupted!

 

To those thoughts and images, I say, “So what!”

It’s all perverse mental fuckery.

Well game over. Drop the rope. No ifs ands or buts.

They’ll no longer intrude on my recovery!

 

These chemical lies, they surface so mysteriously.

They can’t harm me as I loosen and accept them.

From today forward, I no longer take them seriously.

They’re just fumes cast off a raw nervous system.

 

Yes, this is one of my primary symptoms.

The main course of my benzo withdrawal.

Morphing thoughts trying to make me its victim.

Images of dread casting their pall.

 

No more will I engage in excessive self-reflection.

Just allow them and leave them alone.

State drives story; so, beware of misdirection.

And steer clear of the “Twilight Zone.”

 

I remind myself of my mental and physical fatigue.

A natural result of a constant heightened state.

I’ve endured a figurative mental blitzkrieg.

My entire being, overburdened from its weight.

 

Even the most innocent and benign images and memories,

become ominous, foreboding, and distorted.

I will pay them no mind as they are totally unnecessary.

Their intrusive mission is here now aborted.

 

I recognize what I know to be chemical dysregulation.

Brain circuitry compromised by my injury.

It manifests as high anxiety and constant agitation.

But this process is no longer a mystery.

 

Any minor observance slightly out of the ordinary,

will seem tragic and out of proportion.

Everyday mishaps, suddenly oh so scary.

It’s just neurochemical distortion.

 

I will avoid the mistake of adding second fear.

With all the “What ifs”, “Oh no’s”, and second guessing.

And I won’t be bluffed by this emotion of despair.

It’s just depletion and exhaustion that’s distressing.

 

The question of “Why?” has already been answered.

Nobody has control of their thoughts!

And I live with a brain that’s been severely hampered.

An amygdala that’s been twisted in knots.

 

So, disregard the false negatives that emanate from my mind.

In some horrific and recurring loop.

When teddy bears turn into grizzly bears, oh my!

Then I know it is time to regroup.

 

It just isn’t true that every memory, thought or feeling,

is important or deserving of my attention.

That it wasn’t a concern before BIND, can be quite revealing.

Just scary fireworks that merit no further mention.

 

Like clay pigeons at the shooting range, memories pass before me.

Recognizable yet maliciously deranged.

I won’t focus, aim, or fire, I’ll just leave those pigeons be.

And give no regard to memories rearranged.

 

My mind is all shook up, like a dime store snow globe.

It all began when I entered a heightened state.

Painful and scary my brain fires like a strobe.

In time, things will settle. The frenzy will abate.

 

None of this was my choice. It came upon me without warning.

And I know at some point I will heal.

On occasion I get glimpses, like the dawn of a new morning.

To remind me of who I am and what is real.

 

I know I am a good person, unspoiled and untouched.

Even as the fireworks flash and shake me with their concussion.

My core being stands firm, my spirit alive and uncrushed.

I love myself for who I am. End of story! End of discussion!

 

 

 

 

 

[[Be...]]

I can totally relate to that poem.  I started a topic about BIND.  I hope it gets more recognition.

[[La...]]

Blue Lion…

 

“ None of this was my choice. It came upon me without warning.

And I know I will heal.

On occasion I get glimpses like the dawn of a new morning.

To remind me of who I am and what is real”

 

This stuck out to me. It’s so important to know in your heart that we will heal. It’s hard to keep a good grip on that truth when waves slam us. So we get a glimpse of the real us as a tool to keep us going. That glimpse IS the real us that’s slowly manifesting. The good thing about it is that even if the belief in healing slips away….it still is happening.

Thanks for sharing.

[[La...]]

Your Story

 

GO, go I say, go tell your story.

Proudly let the words from your heart tell it all.

Speak bold and clear and loud.

Tell it!

Let anyone who will listen benefit from the hell you’ve endured.

You just might inflict a hope in the listeners.

A hope that they too can make it out of their own world of chaos.

Proclaim your victory song.

Tell how it’s verses are composed of your tears of joy that you made it!

Don’t hide from how things unfolded and all you could do was breathe.

Let them all know that today those breaths are so precious to you.

Especially now that you can truly stand….comfortable.

Let your words bellow out your story for it isn’t to be ashamed of.

It is to be shared because that is also part of your healing.

If you wouldn’t have gone through this then you wouldn’t be where you are now.

No! No shame at all in that!

Tell your story!

It is one of a victorious warrior who fought the battle of their life…..

And WON!

You were Little David. It was Goliath.

But, your endurance won out!

Wear your reward with your head held high!

Here you are….better than ever!

That’s your story!

 

By LadyDen

[[Dr...]]

        A Butterfly’s Prayer 🦋

 

I am a caterpillar who has been struggling on the ground

Barely able to press forward as my way of getting around

Some days down here it just doesn’t go so well

I take a needed break and just stay there for a spell

But I make sure I don’t stay there far too long

For you see, I’m on my way to make a cocoon my home

It will be the hardest thing that I’ve endured yet

I must face it without fear, worry or much fret

There’s no need to fight it because it is a must

It’s part of the process and in it I must trust

When it’s all over, I won’t have to do it ever again

I’ll have beautiful wings to proudly display as my new friend

I will be a butterfly for the ground will be my past

The sky will be my limit long awaited at last

I pray that when I take flight that I will make God proud

Stopping to admire his lovely flowers proclaiming him aloud

I ask for his will to guide me with my heart full of his joy

For he brought me through a mighty trial for this new life to enjoy

Although it is the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to endure

It really is the only way for me to appreciate the reward for sure!

 

By LadyDen

🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

 

❤️ 💙 💜  🦋 🦋 🦋

 

Very nice poem.

 

I love poetry.

 

I've written many poems over the years.

 

 

[[be...]]

Your Story

 

GO, go I say, go tell your story.

Proudly let the words from your heart tell it all.

Speak bold and clear and loud.

Tell it!

Let anyone who will listen benefit from the hell you’ve endured.

You just might inflict a hope in the listeners.

A hope that they too can make it out of their own world of chaos.

Proclaim your victory song.

Tell how it’s verses are composed of your tears of joy that you made it!

Don’t hide from how things unfolded and all you could do was breathe.

Let them all know that today those breaths are so precious to you.

Especially now that you can truly stand….comfortable.

"Let your words bellow out your story for it isn’t to be ashamed of.

It is to be shared because that is also part of your healing.

If you wouldn’t have gone through this then you wouldn’t be where you are now.

No! No shame at all in that!

Tell your story!

It is one of a victorious warrior who fought the battle of their life….."

And WON!

You were Little David. It was Goliath.

But, your endurance won out!

Wear your reward with your head held high!

Here you are….better than ever!

That’s your story!

 

By LadyDen

   

[[La...]]

Time is on your side

 

The hours turn into days. Days into weeks, months and years

But yet here you are still waiting to dry your tears

Just hang on because being strong isn’t how hard you fight

It is how you rose up in the morning after enduring a rough night

Father Time isn’t your enemy, he’s certainly an old friend

Let him work his magic to bring all your wiriness to an end

Trust in his time that you will eventually be filled with pride

Reaping all the benefits of him ( time) being on your side

Pick yourself up and live now your life in peaceful rest

For time is a healer and healing is what it does best!

 

By LadyDen

[[Bl...]]

Time is on your side

 

The hours turn into days. Days into weeks, months and years

But yet here you are still waiting to dry your tears

Just hang on because being strong isn’t how hard you fight

It is how you rose up in the morning after enduring a rough night

Father Time isn’t your enemy, he’s certainly an old friend

Let him work his magic to bring all your wiriness to an end

Trust in his time that you will eventually be filled with pride

Reaping all the benefits of him ( time) being on your side

Pick yourself up and live now your life in peaceful rest

For time is a healer and healing is what it does best!

 

By LadyDen

 

Very Nice, LadyDen

[[La...]]

YES YOU CAN

 

It floods the mind that you can’t do this anymore

Yes you can!

You think all is lost and you can’t go another hour

Yes you can!

The fear rises up then getting up seems impossible

Yes you can!

It just seems like it’s too much for you to bear

Yes you can

 

YES YOU CAN!

You are a warrior!

That is your slogan…

YES YOU CAN! OH yes you will !

 

By LadyDen

[[Bl...]]

A Few Words for Loved Ones

 

Enduring the ravages of Benzo Withdrawal

is without question, a living hell.

Not only for the patient experiencing it,

but also, for their loved ones as well.

 

The toll it can take on relationships

is as harsh as any vice.

For many, their marriages and friendships,

end up paying the ultimate price.

 

However, for the fortunate few,

they are blessed from heaven above.

For they are surrounded by earthly angels

full of compassion, caring and love.

 

It's a unique challenge for our loved ones,

supporting those with invisible illness.

Believing in the severity of unseen symptoms

the loved one can't truly witness.

 

These days the term "Unconditional Love"

often gets bandied about.

All of us believe, when push comes to shove,

we're all able to be so devout.

 

But rarely is it put to the test as it is,

when living with loved ones that have BIND.

To be ensconced in the darkness with a friend or spouse

for what can be a several years grind.

 

I'm aware of a handful of people,

Who have found themselves cast in this role.

They’ve stepped up for those suffering, big time.

They’re all in, heart, mind, body and soul!

 

From out of nowhere these families got blind-sided.

Their world turned suddenly surreal.

But they stand side-by-side, committed and intact.

Their resilience stronger than steel.

 

Whatever's required, they always deliver;

be it a hug, a shoulder or space.

They assure that those injured never walk alone.

It’s a testament to God's saving grace.

 

Such a comfort they are to the benzo-afflicted.

Always there, steadfast and true.

So, I thought I'd jot down a couple of verses

And give these loved ones there due!

 

 

By Blue Lion

[[be...]]

A Few Words for Loved Ones

 

Enduring the ravages of Benzo Withdrawal

is without question, a living hell.

Not only for the patient experiencing it,

but also, for their loved ones as well.

 

The toll it can take on relationships

is as harsh as any vice.

For many, their marriages and friendships,

end up paying the ultimate price.

 

However, for the fortunate few,

they are blessed from heaven above.

For they are surrounded by earthly angels

full of compassion, caring and love.

 

It's a unique challenge for our loved ones,

supporting those with invisible illness.

Believing in the severity of unseen symptoms

the loved one can't truly witness.

 

These days the term "Unconditional Love"

often gets bandied about.

All of us believe, when push comes to shove,

we're all able to be so devout.

 

But rarely is it put to the test as it is,

when living with loved ones that have BIND.

To be ensconced in the darkness with a friend or spouse

for what can be a several years grind.

 

I'm aware of a handful of people,

Who have found themselves cast in this role.

They’ve stepped up for those suffering, big time.

They’re all in, heart, mind, body and soul!

 

From out of nowhere these families got blind-sided.

Their world turned suddenly surreal.

But they stand side-by-side, committed and intact.

Their resilience stronger than steel.

 

Whatever's required, they always deliver;

be it a hug, a shoulder or space.

They assure that those injured never walk alone.

It’s a testament to God's saving grace.

 

Such a comfort they are to the benzo-afflicted.

Always there, steadfast and true.

So, I thought I'd jot down a couple of verses

And give these loved ones there due!

 

 

By Blue Lion

   

[[La...]]

A Few Words for Loved Ones

 

Enduring the ravages of Benzo Withdrawal

is without question, a living hell.

Not only for the patient experiencing it,

but also, for their loved ones as well.

 

The toll it can take on relationships

is as harsh as any vice.

For many, their marriages and friendships,

end up paying the ultimate price.

 

However, for the fortunate few,

they are blessed from heaven above.

For they are surrounded by earthly angels

full of compassion, caring and love.

 

It's a unique challenge for our loved ones,

supporting those with invisible illness.

Believing in the severity of unseen symptoms

the loved one can't truly witness.

 

These days the term "Unconditional Love"

often gets bandied about.

All of us believe, when push comes to shove,

we're all able to be so devout.

 

But rarely is it put to the test as it is,

when living with loved ones that have BIND.

To be ensconced in the darkness with a friend or spouse

for what can be a several years grind.

 

I'm aware of a handful of people,

Who have found themselves cast in this role.

They’ve stepped up for those suffering, big time.

They’re all in, heart, mind, body and soul!

 

From out of nowhere these families got blind-sided.

Their world turned suddenly surreal.

But they stand side-by-side, committed and intact.

Their resilience stronger than steel.

 

Whatever's required, they always deliver;

be it a hug, a shoulder or space.

They assure that those injured never walk alone.

It’s a testament to God's saving grace.

 

Such a comfort they are to the benzo-afflicted.

Always there, steadfast and true.

So, I thought I'd jot down a couple of verses

And give these loved ones there due!

 

 

By Blue Lion

Blue Lion I want to hug you right now for this poem! Thank you! You’re so talented.

Oftentimes we forget to show our gratitude for those who do stick around to support us during our healing process. They do deserve to be acknowledged for its not easy taking care of us sometimes.

So I echo what you wrote…

THANK YOU family, friends and anyone else who lend us a hand!

[[La...]]

              New Year’s Welcome

 

Here we are at the end of a year to welcome the new one

May it bring with it hope in our hearts and strength to get things done

May it be filled with cherished memories as we spend our days

And each week prove to be better than the previous one in many ways

May it give us the gift of healing and a more clearer state of mind

As we are guided through life remembering to be patient and kind

Let’s welcome this New Year with our arms opened wide

Let’s leave the past year’s worries cast away far aside

Looking forward to all it may bring even if it renders a few bumps in the road

We’ll get over them for this is the year to refuse to carry heavy loads

So welcome New Year I’m happy to see you make your arrival

I will give it my all, smile more, dream big and give thanks for my survival

By Lady Den

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[[Be...]]

LadyDen, that's a really nice poem you wrote.  Thanks.

[[Bl...]]

              New Year’s Welcome

 

Here we are at the end of a year to welcome the new one

May it bring with it hope in our hearts and strength to get things done

May it be filled with cherished memories as we spend our days

And each week prove to be better than the previous one in many ways

May it give us the gift of healing and a more clearer state of mind

As we are guided through life remembering to be patient and kind

Let’s welcome this New Year with our arms opened wide

Let’s leave the past year’s worries cast away far aside

Looking forward to all it may bring even if it renders a few bumps in the road

We’ll get over them for this is the year to refuse to carry heavy loads

So welcome New Year I’m happy to see you make your arrival

I will give it my all, smile more, dream big and give thanks for my survival

By Lady Den

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 

Happy New Year, Lady Den!  You are very talented yourself. Thank you for creating this thread. It offers kindness and support to so many.  May your New Year be filled with words of creativity and restored health.

 

Warm regards,

Blue Lion

[[be...]]

              New Year’s Welcome

 

Here we are at the end of a year to welcome the new one

May it bring with it hope in our hearts and strength to get things done

May it be filled with cherished memories as we spend our days

And each week prove to be better than the previous one in many ways

May it give us the gift of healing and a more clearer state of mind

As we are guided through life remembering to be patient and kind

Let’s welcome this New Year with our arms opened wide

Let’s leave the past year’s worries cast away far aside

Looking forward to all it may bring even if it renders a few bumps in the road

We’ll get over them for this is the year to refuse to carry heavy loads

So welcome New Year I’m happy to see you make your arrival

I will give it my all, smile more, dream big and give thanks for my survival

By Lady Den

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

   

[[Bl...]]

The Shift

 

Once again, I've chosen to pick up my pen.

To send a message of support to my BBuddy friends.

Your journeys continue, you can't escape your fate.

But you can make an adjustment to carrying this weight.

 

You can shift your perspective, find strength in your voice.

You can adopt a new strategy and make a new choice.

With radical acceptance you can embrace your path.

Knowing full well, you can't escape its wrath.

 

Reckon with your injury, there's no bailing out.

But don’t let it consume you, of that make no doubt.

It's all about perspective as you write your own history.

Are you an injured person or a just a person with an injury?

 

Choose the latter, how you got here be damned.

Get on with your life and take a new stand.

These symptoms aren't permanent.  You know you will heal.

So, make the most of your life despite how you feel.

 

There are lessons to learn about the human condition.

When pushed to the brink in your virtual perdition.

Within you lies a supply of strength and perseverance.

Through faith you will find it along with divine reassurance.

 

No more waiting to feel just a little bit better.

There's a life to live.  It's time to be a go-getter!

Move forward with hope knowing you've been through the worst.

There is much to accomplish in spite of this curse.

 

Changing your perspective is hardly a cure.

And I don't wish to minimize all the anguish you endure.

But a shift may enable you to be more productive.

Disregard the dreadful thoughts that can be so destructive.

 

Let the dawn of a new year serve as inspiration.

Reframe your illness with steadfast determination.

Yes, you have your symptoms, but don’t let them have you.

With a shift of perspective may your spirit be renewed!

 

So step up, show the world you’re not down for the count.

With forward movement each day, hold yourself to account.

Stay focused on the positive. Find your Joy when you can.

And you’ll emerge your best self with recovery at hand.

 

By Blue Lion

[[La...]]

Blue I love the last two parts of that poem.

The symptoms are gonna happen but don’t let them have you! LOVE it! ❤️

Thanks for posting this! I’m sure many people lurking on here needed to hear those words.

 

 

[[Bl...]]

Thanks, LadyDen 

[[St...]]

Thank you for the poem Lion.  It really touched me. 

[[Bl...]]

The Conversation

 

I woke this morning to the rising sun.

The intrusive thoughts having already begun.

I'm so tired of this struggle, day after day.

These horrific thoughts that won't go away.

 

The secret, my friend, is to allow them and let go.

The more attention you pay them, the more they will grow.

Let them float through your consciousness with no second thoughts.

It’s taking note of their presence that will tie you in knots.

 

This journey I'm on, it's so devastating and relentless.

Each day a new misery, I'd do anything to end this.

I pray, I meditate, I exercise and yet,

My psyche's all snarled in some inescapable net.

 

Your nervous system is currently under repair.

Your nerve endings are raw, flayed open, and laid bare.

Push past the fear and dread and expand your view.

Redirect your mind’s focus to something calm and subdued.

 

I know it’s because of screwed-up brain chemistry.

Why can’t I ignore the thoughts, and just leave them be?

Endless rumination on these images in my head.

Yesterday I found myself scared of a piece of bread!

 

Chemical dysregulation mismatches memories and feelings.

But it isn’t the real you. It just the process of healing.

Pay them no mind, don’t fall prey to myopia.

Or your mind will take you to some twisted dystopia.

 

Each day is different, I don’t know what to expect.

Nothing I do seems to have any effect.

There’s the occasional day when I feel a little relief.

The next day I’m bed bound, my symptoms beyond belief.

 

Yes, my friend, such is the nature of non-linear healing.

You can’t judge your recovery based on day-to-day feelings.

You’re dealt a different hand with each passing day.

Perseverance and tenacity are the cards you must play.

 

Blurry vision, ears ringing, and my skin feels like it’s on fire.

The constant pacing, agitation, it seems so hopeless and dire.

All these thoughts and sensations, I'm in a constant state of pain.

What I’d give for just an hour, to feel like myself once again.

 

Looking back at all you’ve been through the past couple of years,

You’re in a better place, a few more laughs, a few less tears.

I’ve watched from the sidelines as you’ve tapered your medication.

I’ve witnessed your healing as you’ve undergone its titration.

 

There are days when my mind doesn’t seem like my own.

As if it’s held hostage by some foreign unknown.

I wish I could control my thoughts; wouldn’t that be nice?

To calmly think and reason? Hell, I’d pay any price.

 

None of us have control of our thoughts; surely you know.

You just have to keep practicing letting them go.

Focus on the outside world, not on what’s troubling you.

Get out of the bubble, where it’s just your symptoms and you.

 

I know there is truth in the words that you share.

And they are truly helpful when I bring them to bear.

I wish I could remember them when I’m in distress.

The chaos consumes me. Oh Lord I’m such a mess.

 

Remind yourself daily, you’re in an anxious state.

On its own time schedule the chaos will abate.

With each passing day just accept where you’re at.

You always push through it, take solace in that.

 

As always, I’m strengthened by your words of support.

Your encouragement and compassion never fall short.

But damn, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.

There must be something missing, something else I can do.

 

Embrace each day for better or worse and here is what you will find.

It’s all about perspective and how we frame things in our mind.

This is not a struggle or some battle in which you must fight.

It’s a period of darkness where you must create your own light.

 

Not a struggle? Not a battle? What exactly do you mean?

You know what I go through. You think this is some idyllic scene?

You’re right about the darkness. Damn, I’m in no man’s land.

But create my own light, friend, I just don’t understand.

 

Your nervous system is injured, and it will heal in its own time.

Perceiving you’re in a fight for your life certainly won’t calm your mind.

Believing in yourself along with your faith, will light the path where you plod.

Know in your soul you will fully recover and leave the rest to God.

 

It makes sense; if I think I’m in a fight, my mind won’t settle down.

Maybe that’s why I’m feeling so stressed and always so tightly wound.

So it’s not just what I do or don’t do that’s the ticket.

It’s my frame of mind and attitude that will help get me through it.

Exactly, take charge, don’t be defined by this injury.

It’s just another page in the book of your life’s history.

Start each day with this intention as your recovery progresses.

The right mindset makes a difference as you build a string of successes.

 

I know there’s wisdom in all you say. I can never thank you enough.

Your counsel helps me as I make way, on a road that’s pretty rough.

You’re always in my corner, with your empathy, caring, and kindness.

I’m so grateful for your friendship. Bless the day this is all behind us.

 

It saddens me to see all you go through with this horrific and most bizarre illness.

Your enduring courage continues to inspire; I’m amazed to all that I witness.

I so sorry, I know it can’t be easy to be in a living hell, my friend.

But with each passing day you are one day closer to the day when all this will end.

 

By Blue Lion

[[be...]]

Thanks Blue for your words, they will help others.

[[Pa...]]

What an amazing poem, I can see my story in both the red and the blue prose and i can see you’ve been a good friend. 

[[Bl...]]

Be Good and Pamster,

Thank you so much for your kind words