Over 60 help and support.

[[To...]]

You know, it's crazy how your mind can work.  I have days where I believe (totally) that this is all W/D stuff.  And that it WILL be gone. 

Then I have a window - and after the sx return, I begin to have a more negative reaction and question - is it w/d? will it go away? am I stuck with this forever?

 

Please tell me you all are similar? 

 

That's me to a tee.  In a wave right now but I haven't cut since Feb.  I thought by this time I'd be able to cut again but I think it may be a good while yet.  I am so tired of this, but all I can do is keep plodding along and hoping I'll have some good years ahead of me somewhere.

 

Ginger (and all)

 

I find it important to find a good balance between introspection and self analysis and "dwelling" on things too much.  I am actually pretty good at talking myself down off the wall, you know? 

I am about 4 months post C/T off of diazepam (Valium).  It was an ignorant thing to do without a taper - but I had no clue back then.  None. And I'm a pretty informed person in general on any of my health issues and take responsibility. But I had no clue, and no reason to question.

 

My usage was very low in actuality ("as needed" for muscle issues for a year prior - sometimes not taking ANY within a month's time).  However I am very sensitive to meds (I think I am a slow metabolizer) and had I done the least bit of research would have been scared silly over even such "casual" use! (there is nothing casual about benzo's is there!? 

 

I am beginning to realize that it's critical to press ourselves to be more active.  My biggest symptom right now is dizziness with some actual vertigo, and remaining head pain (but who knows tomorrow).  It does not make it conducive to going out and doing things nor working around the house etc.  It makes it easy to sit down and veg. And mope.  Or be angry. As you can imagine, it's not so easy to do things when you are dizzy - but I've "discussed it with myself"  and decided I must.  And in fact, when I do, for the most part I'm a little better.  Not every time, but to chip away at it is important.  I also think it might help me to get a little better grip on not being so disappointed when i get a small window, followed by an enormous wave. I can't sit her and just focus on that.  And it's hard.

 

I think distracting oneself is critical - and you cannot (or at least I can't) distract myself too easily when I'm sitting here doing very little.  I also have to admit to myself that I can't do everything I did in the past each and every day.  I need to find that balance.

 

I refuse to accept that this won't heal.  I am a believer in the power of positive thinking.  I am not being a Pollyanna - I truly believe in the mind body connection.  The brain is injured, the GABA receptors are screwed up - but I think there's a good chance that pushing ourselves as much as REASONABLY possible (and that's a different threshold for each person) is helpful and would benefit many of us.  Especially me.

 

So now I said it all and I need to live it and own it, right?

 

Join me.

[[za...]]

Liz2222, I am confused a bit. You said you finished your tapering in 2016 so you are still experiencing withdrawal symptoms?

[[Gi...]]

Hey ginger.. when I look at it as a whole doing really really well .. worst sx is the insomnia especially now I'm nearly off the zopiclaine ..  I just try and do the best I can . It's a funny thing, it's not the crippling jump in an out of bed go to the bathroom frantic type of insomnia if that makes any sense, it's just being able to relax enough for my body to fall asleep . I am definity sleeping better once I get to sleep so it's the getting there! So in a sense the insomnia has changed in its intensity so I must be grateful for that. Other than that not too much issue. I had a very bad wave at 8/9 months but thankfully seem to be over it now. I had one night of getting to sleep at about 1am and the next time I woke up was after 6am .. I nearly cried it was such a wonderful experience. ( I use a Fitbit to track my sleep)

I still get anxious leaving the house at times , but not enough to actually stop me. I have to know there is a way home!! Still don't like sitting in the middle of a row somewhere , always have to be on the end.. !

You had any bad waves?

Bertie, I'm happy you're doing so well.  I know the elated feeling when you wake and realize you had decent sleep.  I always think, if I can sleep well once then it will happen again.  On window days I feel absolutely normal and have energy to spare.  I think you are nearing the end of sx and will see more and more improvement and less and milder waves.  That's what all the success stories say so it must be so.

 

I had a wave yesterday, headache the night before, so not much sleep.  Dizziness, head pressure, nausea, weird nerve pain in my feet and legs, the usual.  It sort of burned off towards evening.  I'm good today, just tired.  The pounding heart is pretty much constant but the anxiety feeling is gone for now. 

 

I'll be holding until after a few family events are past but hope to cut again mid-April.  My dr just lowered my thyroid med dose so some symptoms might be from too much med.  The health anxiety really kicks in.  I remind myself over and over that it is only withdrawal, it will not last.

 

Toughnights,  distraction does help.  I was looking in on a friend in the hospital for the past 12 days.  It got me out of the house and out of myself.  Parking a quarter mile away, I walked up a rather steep hill to reach the entrance.  I think the daily exertion helped mitigate some of the symptoms.

[[Su...]]

You know, it's crazy how your mind can work.  I have days where I believe (totally) that this is all W/D stuff.  And that it WILL be gone. 

Then I have a window - and after the sx return, I begin to have a more negative reaction and question - is it w/d? will it go away? am I stuck with this forever?

 

Please tell me you all are similar? 

 

That's me to a tee.  In a wave right now but I haven't cut since Feb.  I thought by this time I'd be able to cut again but I think it may be a good while yet.  I am so tired of this, but all I can do is keep plodding along and hoping I'll have some good years ahead of me somewhere.

 

Ginger (and all)

 

I find it important to find a good balance between introspection and self analysis and "dwelling" on things too much.  I am actually pretty good at talking myself down off the wall, you know? 

I am about 4 months post C/T off of diazepam (Valium).  It was an ignorant thing to do without a taper - but I had no clue back then.  None. And I'm a pretty informed person in general on any of my health issues and take responsibility. But I had no clue, and no reason to question.

 

My usage was very low in actuality ("as needed" for muscle issues for a year prior - sometimes not taking ANY within a month's time).  However I am very sensitive to meds (I think I am a slow metabolizer) and had I done the least bit of research would have been scared silly over even such "casual" use! (there is nothing casual about benzo's is there!? 

 

I am beginning to realize that it's critical to press ourselves to be more active.  My biggest symptom right now is dizziness with some actual vertigo, and remaining head pain (but who knows tomorrow).  It does not make it conducive to going out and doing things nor working around the house etc.  It makes it easy to sit down and veg. And mope.  Or be angry. As you can imagine, it's not so easy to do things when you are dizzy - but I've "discussed it with myself"  and decided I must.  And in fact, when I do, for the most part I'm a little better.  Not every time, but to chip away at it is important.  I also think it might help me to get a little better grip on not being so disappointed when i get a small window, followed by an enormous wave. I can't sit her and just focus on that.  And it's hard.

 

I think distracting oneself is critical - and you cannot (or at least I can't) distract myself too easily when I'm sitting here doing very little.  I also have to admit to myself that I can't do everything I did in the past each and every day.  I need to find that balance.

 

I refuse to accept that this won't heal.  I am a believer in the power of positive thinking.  I am not being a Pollyanna - I truly believe in the mind body connection.  The brain is injured, the GABA receptors are screwed up - but I think there's a good chance that pushing ourselves as much as REASONABLY possible (and that's a different threshold for each person) is helpful and would benefit many of us.  Especially me.

 

So now I said it all and I need to live it and own it, right?

 

Join me.

Yes!  that's what I try to do...

some days are easier than others for sure.... today is tough, but I did walk around the block (sheesh ) and do some small things around here.  always feel better when I'm occupied. 

SS

 

[[To...]]

Gingermint:

 

Sorry to hear you had a wave.  Do your headaches tend to keep you awake most of the night? are they "tension" type? Do you take anything for them (does it work?).  Always curious what others are doing!

Like many of us, I'm better in the evenings also.  Yeah, isn't funny how one day you really convince yourself it's just w/d - and then the next you can find yourself worrying "what if"...you know?

It's always good to both get out and to be able to do something for a friend  - you got a double positive feeling with that.

 

SS - yep you're so right - sometimes it's easier than others! But it does help.  Let's keep reminding each other of that.

 

Hope you all have a good "wavy" evening!

[[...]]

Hi over 60 group! I reduced from 2.25 mg to 2 mg of Valium on March 1st. Started having symptoms on about the 10th and they keep getting worse. I really thought I was over the worst, but I guess not! I’m having moderate pain all over my body as well as digestive issues. Ears are always ringing loudly and at times my blood sugar goes up for no reason and I’m not diabetic. I’m 69 years old and have a very blessed life. I have prolonged my taper way too long! I want to be well and free of this drug. This is the first wave I have had in a while. Any input would be much appreciated! I wish you all well!

[[Gi...]]

Gingermint:

 

Sorry to hear you had a wave.  Do your headaches tend to keep you awake most of the night? are they "tension" type? Do you take anything for them (does it work?).  Always curious what others are doing!

Like many of us, I'm better in the evenings also.  Yeah, isn't funny how one day you really convince yourself it's just w/d - and then the next you can find yourself worrying "what if"...you know?

It's always good to both get out and to be able to do something for a friend  - you got a double positive feeling with that.

 

SS - yep you're so right - sometimes it's easier than others! But it does help.  Let's keep reminding each other of that.

 

Hope you all have a good "wavy" evening!

 

For the headaches I do heat or ice, then peppermint, then tylenol.  Still no relief?  Then if it's bedtime I take a 5mg hydrocodone.  Sometimes it doesn't help but sometimes it takes the edge off.  I take an OTC sleep med on those occasions so I get at least a few hours.  I keep track of the times I need hydrocodone, so far 5 this month.  The bad headaches are fewer than they used to be.

[[...]]

Thanks Gingermint! No headache, just muscle and joint pain all over my body. I take Tylenol. It helps some. I pray this wave will pass soon. Thank you for responding.

[[To...]]

GGreat to hear the headaches are easing a little.  I'll have to try the peppermint (thanks for the info). I also use Tiger Balm (the red one) and it helps quite a lot on any muscle pain or headache. 

 

Hang in!

[[Ba...]]

Wow have not been here in a while.  Guess not feeling good and very stuck.

Agree with all the talk on insomnia being the worst.  This was my first and really only prob for going on benzos.  (well anxiety about this, too).  I did take it to have a career and some sort of social life.

 

Circadian rhythm disorder and insomnia...  went on disabiilty, and over time, jus sort of gave up.  Parents died, no family, basically one long distance friend.

 

I am bummed; do not feel blessed like so many here. 

Because of sensitivity to being awakened (noise) live alone.  This was good when felt well enough to go out.  Not good if, uh, a hermit.  I don't drive hardly at all (few miles).

 

I thought these were years maybe would think about where/how to live as age and decline.  Now how could I even get out of here?

 

I hate this little place.  Yet think a noisy retirement place could be worse.  Since nobody to help me look at what might be available it is all moot.

 

Not sleeping at 20, 30, 40, etc was bad.......  now, with these meds, infinitely worse.

 

Cannot sleep without ambien and that depresses me a lot.  Frankly if could get off the valium now on (from klonopin) and manage on ambien that would be ok but will i even get there?

 

One thing about being older I think well if something would work for me... .why NOT take it?  I am suffering for, er, why?

 

I'd maybe put my emphasis on seeing sleep dr. at university who could rx  Hetlioz, non 24 hr sleep med.  But have to say sleep drs never helped before but write rx's, as we all know.

 

Also Hetlioz is melatonin based and I seem to get depression from that.  Or it could be cbd oil I tried.  I so try not to take ambien to sleep but nothing works.

 

I did not even get to drug store to pick up valium for taper supply today cuz so vibratey/sweaty/ blah.

 

thx for listening.

[[...]]

Sorry you are suffering, Barbara! I wish you wellness and health! 

[[To...]]

Since we're trying to update each other  -- slept pretty well last night! ( ) - Minimal head pain in back of head or neck (2 out of 10 or less).  Got up and ready to go to breakfast with my husband (a Friday morning thing) and only about 1-2 of 10 on dizziness!! So far a good day.  This is what makes me able to continue until the next wave or weird symptoms start! Wishing all of you the same! I love a window!!

[[Ba...]]

Sorry you are suffering, Barbara! I wish you wellness and health! 

 

Thank you. 

I just see no end to this or point to continuing since have no family.  Guess scared to give up entirely... but so worn down.

[[Gi...]]

Sorry you are suffering, Barbara! I wish you wellness and health! 

 

Thank you. 

I just see no end to this or point to continuing since have no family.  Guess scared to give up entirely... but so worn down.

I'm very sorry you are going through this rough time.  Even though you have no family, you have yourself.  I think that is reason enough to continue toward health. You are valuable and deserve a good life.  Please don't give up.

 

I'm 65 and if I have only one day benzo free before I die, it will be worth it.

[[Ba...]]

I've a year on you, but after horrendous suffering I kind of thinking if i stayed on and felt human for a few years prior to dying.. doesn't that make sense?

I realize people who take this and feel immediate terrible reactions would never say that.

[[Su...]]

I've a year on you, but after horrendous suffering I kind of thinking if i stayed on and felt human for a few years prior to dying.. doesn't that make sense?

I realize people who take this and feel immediate terrible reactions would never say that.

 

Hi Barbara,

I'm sorry you are suffering so much right now.  Your thinking is aligned with mine in some ways.  This is hell and if I quit tapering then the hell could conceivably stop.... I so get it!  Time is big factor when we're in our 60's....

 

There is no shame in wanting to stay on -- I hope you can talk it over with your doc -- insomnia is it's own kind of torture.

 

My decision after two days of sxs amping up due to INCREASING my Valium  are to do a long hold.  Not sure how long that will be but I'm thinking I'm not going to make any changes for a good six months -- allow my body to catch up to what I've been subjecting it to.

 

And I'm thinking at that time I'll continue to taper -- or not!  We have to live for this moment and choose what is best for us in the long term... very personal decision too.

Wishing you the best.

  SS

[[Gi...]]

Barb and SS,  I wish you both the best whatever you decide to do.  It is a personal decision.  I've struggled with it myself.  Whatever you decide, you have my support.

[[Su...]]

Barb and SS,  I wish you both the best whatever you decide to do.  It is a personal decision.  I've struggled with it myself.  Whatever you decide, you have my support.

Thanks Ginger,

Although I want to be off I have to be realistic and live my life while I can... perhaps I can do both.  We'll see!

:smitten:

SS

[[bo...]]

Barbara Ave .. no one is going to be judging you here ... you need to do what's is best for you ..I have felt the same as you many many times ..I read all over the place (not just here) about this poison , this horror, and wanting it gone. I have said it myself .. however, at the end of the day there is something very important to be considered and I have discussed this with my doctor as well.  we are on the downside of the swing as in years left..we also need to do what is right for us.quality of life is important.  This is all a personal decision. There is no shame in a decision to do what's best for you .. what in earth is the point of a totally miserable life ...

For me right now it's about the zopiclaine .. I take a tiny bit for sleep and am tapering down. But I'll tell you right now if I go for months and months with a horror taper ( I'm certainly not right now) I will stay on my tiny bit.. if a tiny bit of a pill makes my life liveable then that's what it will be .. my GP wants me off but he understands .

I also understand what it's  like to have no family .. please PM me if you want to chat .. meantime lots of love to you .. BB xx

[[Ba...]]

Well my situation is not clear cut, but severe, I gather, from what I read.

 

My klon. taper was uneventful until mirtazapine was added for 6 weeks--  I wound up bedridden very very sick.  I pretty much ct off the mirtaz.

 

I did a tiny uptick of klon at the time (I mean very little, as I was at about 1/4 or 1/8 mg) and didn't see improvement, but I did not know that mirtazapine can be as awful to get off as benzos.

 

So then I fell in with the purists, no medicine, folks...  and could not get off the klon.  Transferred over to valium.  Still on that. 

 

All the time not able to function unless I took an ambien or lyrica and ambien.

 

Anyhow, I, too have clung to the ambien for sleep.  Without sleep I am worthless.  Spent 40 years on my sleep problem and it robbed me of a lot of things.  So now, after all this time is the benzo making my life even worse (unliveable)?  Would more help?  I've been afraid to updose much.... but this is not living; just existing.

 

After a year and a 1/4 have to wonder if it worth continuing.  Yes I am very stubborn and so thought could get off, but I am just worn out.  I look terrible and feel terrible.

 

Have not met a dr. who gets it re benzos-- one said go from 20 down to 5 (seriously?), a psych. at the time of the mirtaz incident urged me to take more benzo and lyrica.  I didn't, but who knows maybe she was right.

 

Of course don't know how long ambien will work or if dr. will rx that plus a benzo.  Since most drs. have no clue on this stuff so hard to find someone to work with or rely on.

 

I just know the last year plus of tapering been very tough and I am rung out.  If there is some drug ocmbo that makes me feel decent, maybe at age 66 I should just take it.  Also, am totally alone, nobody else to depend on at all, and it is different if you have a family.  But I have to do things myself.

 

These are the years should have been thinking do I want to live somewhere else (another area), or look into retirement village perhaps, but I can't do anything-- trapped here.

 

Thanks for listening; just very down physically and psychologically after all this.  Prior to  mirtazapine I had my sleep issues and limitations but nothing this severe.  And I realize I may have to live with this, too, if there are no solutions.  Well, or else you *don't* live with it but that takes some bravery I think I lack.

 

I wish there were an Insomnia Village or Benzo Village I could live in for a few more years... have a little peace...  then shuffle off.

[[tr...]]

Barbara, I understand how you feel, and experience this difficult situation.

I also live alone, and have been living on the sofa for 2 years. Did a CT after being polydrugged for 25 years. It's only now that I can be up for shorter moments, before I've hardly been able to turn around on the couch. Have received the food home once a week, and an accountant helps me with the bills. Dentistry visits, and everything else, is not to be considered. I am so worried about my teeth, previously they were examined twice a year. All I have to do is shoot the future, just breathe minute, hour and day.

 

I am 63 years old and we are far too young to give up, and continue with the tablets. We have many years left to live, so it can never be good to continue. I've also had those thoughts, but we'll live a long time, and during that time Benzo will only hurt us. Right? 

 

I get stuck, and the healing seems to take time. But it comes someday when we manage what is part of life, and can enjoy being among people. It's heavy, and the worst I've been to. Everything commutes between despair and hope, but it's a day when everything's over. We'll be doing this Barbara, and then one day we'll be free from Benzo.

 

How far are you left before you completely end up with the tablets? For the day you're free of these, the healing goes the right way, and everything just gets better and better for each day. How much you would like to come from this hell, is the situation with tablets completely unsustainable. The body, and the nervous system, begin to require a higher dose, and then there are only more and more side effects. Although life feels very difficult right now, the only solution to be completely free from the tablets.

Hug!

 

[[bo...]]

Transalator.. awsome post ..

I think there are more of us than I originally thought living on our own with no family. There are advantages to that too I think at times.  We think that having a family would perhaps make it all so much easier? But there is nothing to say a family would understand , and possibly put pressure on our already fragile worlds. I have read many situations like that on here. And you're right we are far too young to give up .. but old enough to make a decision based on how we want to live the rest of our life. I think we would all respect any decision anyone makes either way as we all know how dam hard this is ... lots of love to all xx

[[tr...]]

Bozobertie, I think it's nice to be yourself. It would be difficult to be among others who don`t understand. Additionally, no one complains about the mess, or if I wear pyjamas until the afternoon. 

 

There is no one who would judge anyone, everyone would show all respect and understanding. I have had so many thoughts about this, but my rescue is that my doctor is completely opposed to benzo. But after all this time in hell, I only have to go through the minute, hour and day. Someday, the misery must end.

 

Lots of love!

[[To...]]

Translator (and BozoB) -- great posts! I do like it that people here tend to be non-judgemental.  We all have to make our own decisions based on our situations.  You know, I've posted several times how irked with myself I have been that I did a CT off valium (out of ignorance!). All of this was a total surprise to me. But tonight I realized that perhaps (for me) it was for the best.  I didn't have to wrestle with deciding about my taper and if to hold or go up or down.  I jumped and was done, tossed the pills, and had my med records updated to say NO BENZO's OF ANY TYPE before I had ANY idea of what was yet to come.  So I sort of bought into it with ignorance and then started riding the wild horse! 

I am fortunate (imo) that I have a wonderful husband and daughter.  But I have not shared any of this with my daughter even though we are extremely close.  And my husband knows all the basics, and has read some of the research, and if i have a super bad day I tell him and he's very supportive.  But on a day to day basis, this is "my show".  I feel (again for me!) it stops me from being immersed in my problems every day, hour after hour.  If I am dizzy and nauseated - well so be it  - I just am.  For me it forces me to try as much as humanly possible to suck up what I can and just go on.  Now trust me, I recognize that I do not have as horrendous of symptoms as some of you so it's easier for me.  But some have been (and are) pretty damn horrendous and wear me down, day after day.  It's simply how I've chosen to manage the situation.  And that is where BB helps me the most, perhaps..I appreciate all the reassurance, and support here.  It's as though it's a protected area where i am "behind the wall".  And best of all, I can share how wonderful it is when i have a window - and you get it! How exciting! I have decided that I no longer care if my doctor thinks this or that is w/d! I am tired of being patronized by them. 

So once again, thank you all so much for the support and information you provide.  It is invaluable to me.  To each of us, living different lives with different personalities that deal with this ordeal in many different ways...and yet with a common thread of support for each other.

Have the best evening possible.... 

[[Su...]]

Translator (and BozoB) -- great posts! I do like it that people here tend to be non-judgemental.  We all have to make our own decisions based on our situations.  You know, I've posted several times how irked with myself I have been that I did a CT off valium (out of ignorance!). All of this was a total surprise to me. But tonight I realized that perhaps (for me) it was for the best.  I didn't have to wrestle with deciding about my taper and if to hold or go up or down.  I jumped and was done, tossed the pills, and had my med records updated to say NO BENZO's OF ANY TYPE before I had ANY idea of what was yet to come.  So I sort of bought into it with ignorance and then started riding the wild horse! 

I am fortunate (imo) that I have a wonderful husband and daughter.  But I have not shared any of this with my daughter even though we are extremely close.  And my husband knows all the basics, and has read some of the research, and if i have a super bad day I tell him and he's very supportive.  But on a day to day basis, this is "my show".  I feel (again for me!) it stops me from being immersed in my problems every day, hour after hour.  If I am dizzy and nauseated - well so be it  - I just am.  For me it forces me to try as much as humanly possible to suck up what I can and just go on.  Now trust me, I recognize that I do not have as horrendous of symptoms as some of you so it's easier for me.  But some have been (and are) pretty damn horrendous and wear me down, day after day.  It's simply how I've chosen to manage the situation.  And that is where BB helps me the most, perhaps..I appreciate all the reassurance, and support here.  It's as though it's a protected area where i am "behind the wall".  And best of all, I can share how wonderful it is when i have a window - and you get it! How exciting! I have decided that I no longer care if my doctor thinks this or that is w/d! I am tired of being patronized by them. 

So once again, thank you all so much for the support and information you provide.  It is invaluable to me.  To each of us, living different lives with different personalities that deal with this ordeal in many different ways...and yet with a common thread of support for each other.

Have the best evening possible.... 

 

:smitten: BB and all of you...