21 months out, normalcy out of reach

[[Sc...]]

I cannot go through this suffering anymore, it's just too much. 

My head has become like I cannot feel normal. It's 24*7 of torture. I tapered, I stayed sober for 21 months and now nothing is happening. No end. 

[[Ma...]]

Please elaborate about your ‘head’ not feeling normal…is it pressure/pain, dp/dr, anhedonia?

[[Sc...]]

It's a mix of severe emotional numbness, no tolerance to stress, stuck in a fear or flight/fight mode. 

 

[[...]]

Your brain will heal! Please give it time. I had head pressure for many years. It slowly gets less until one day you realize it’s gone.

No drugs, no processed food, and no alcohol 

Faith will play a big part, faith that you will heal. Whatever God you worship, pray. And believe it, those of us who have walked this path are proof. Everyone’s brain heals differently, your time to heal will be different than mine. Rest assured everyone I know that followed that path, HEALED!

May God Bless you keep your suffering to a minimum.

[[or...]]

Wow, this was a welcome read, someone who knows just how to describe how I feel, exactly.

16 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

It's a mix of severe emotional numbness, no tolerance to stress, stuck in a fear or flight/fight mode. 

 

[[Ma...]]

You are not alone. I have felt the exact same way going on 2 years. Last Sunday 1 walked to my favorite street in my neighborhood for the 1st time in over a decade and was at peace, at home.

JUST as all of those before us have said.

We read 18-24 months can be the real time of healing. If you knew you only had 3 months left, could you manage? Would that give you the hope you need? Believe it. Believe it with everything in your being.

Today is the only day you need to get through and we’re all here to help you get through it. Today and beyond ❤️‍🩹

[[or...]]

24 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

I cannot go through this suffering anymore, it's just too much. 

My head has become like I cannot feel normal. It's 24*7 of torture. I tapered, I stayed sober for 21 months and now nothing is happening. No end. 

I think my long-time use of the C benzo caused all this to come on slowly over years.  I guess I'm saying my feelings, or lack thereof, or not feeling what I seem to just remember I was much different before all this tapering.  It's something I almost feel I've gotten used to or accepted as actually being normal for me after using the drug for 35 years, and never went up from the dose of 1 mg.  That would put me in Tolerance wd for many of those years.  Just sounds so stupid I didn't understand when it all started to go crazy.

I hardly know what I'm talking about, but reading what you felt like described it so well.

[[or...]]

1 minute ago, [[M...] said:

You are not alone. I have felt the exact same way going on 2 years. Last Sunday 1 walked to my favorite street in my neighborhood for the 1st time in over a decade and was at peace, at home.

JUST as all of those before us have said.

We read 18-24 months can be the real time of healing. If you knew you only had 3 months left, could you manage? Would that give you the hope you need? Believe it. Believe it with everything in your being.

Today is the only day you need to get through and we’re all here to help you get through it. Today and beyond ❤️‍🩹

Thank you for this reminder, we do only have one day, easy to forget and future-trip for me.

[[...]]

Well done Mary1, we are on the same page. 
DISTRACT,DISTRACT,DISTRACT

Get through today, that’s your focus.  Fight and get through, your appreciation for life will be so special when this is over.

[[Ba...]]

I feel exactly as you do. I took klonopin for 23 years. I’m off for 9 months now. I’m feeling very lost. I’ve not been myself for many years. Our brains have been injured by these drugs. We’re not thinking right. But as we heal, and our gaba receptors heal, I know that we will then be able to think clearly and get back to being ourselves again. Listen to Dr Jennifer Leigh. She didn’t feel better at 18 months , it took longer. But she is healed today. Be patient. I know it’s hard. You will heal. 

[[Ba...]]

Also look up Dr Peter Breggin. He writes about how these drugs have harmed many. 

[[or...]]

It's a good thing we aren't all in the same place at the same time.  I mean unless it was all in a good place at the same time Maybe I am crazy, but I'm glad that I've experienced some bad places as well.  No one can relate unless they are a true peer

I can't agree more with distractions, as long as they aren't harmful.  I have a new puppy that I thought I would have to re-home, but one day at a time, things are getting better.  I don't recommend this type of distraction, or the moving into a whole new home at the same time, but it's revealing a lot to me about myself, oregonlady, the good, bad, and the ugly.

[[or...]]

6 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

Also look up Dr Peter Breggin. He writes about how these drugs have harmed many. 

I really love Parker's article I read here in the beginning of my taper, "What is happening to your brain".  I read, and re-read it often, OL

[[Ba...]]

Thanks for sharing Parker’s article. I hadn’t seen it before. 

[[Bl...]]

@[Sc...]. Please hold on you have so much ahead of you. Rest well. Do as much as you can to make your diet good. I found that made a huge difference .I found a relief from depression when I gave up sugar. Everyone is different. Read encouraging posts by Baylissa and Dr Jen. Take things slowly one moment at a time. Don't fight your symptoms.You can do  this . Have you read Claire Weekes books.?. Sending you much compassion. 

[[Ca...]]

5 hours ago, [[S...] said:

It's a mix of severe emotional numbness, no tolerance to stress, stuck in a fear or flight/fight mode. 

Yup, I know those symptoms specifically, too well actually. I know I gotta avoid stress cause that can set the other symptoms off. So sorry you're having a rough time of it and I know it is really rough at times. Don't know your case, please keep us apprised.

[[Ja...]]

That’s exactly how I felt after coming of anti ds after 20 odd year on them,Basically ptsd really,.it was the very reason I started Valium for a more quality of life,.It helped to an extent But it didn’t fix it and Valium being a downer can do exactly that and bring you further down,Yea it really sucks feeling like that pal especially when you just want to get on with your life,.cannabis really helped me with it,.like a flick of a switch I could feel crap/emotionless or stressed and 10 mins later be in a fantastic mood,.but yea I get ya pal we all want to just bounce back to ourselves,and it is very depressive and distressing when it’s not happening naturally,A few folk have mentioned distraction,that’s so true,I have to work at it to pull myself from a unwanted moods,.And other than exercise,walking,eating better,gardening,rest etc,.sometimes that lot doesn’t always cut it but it takes the edge of.there’s so mutch more out there to it’s just try fight the feelings and go for it pal.

[[Ca...]]

2 hours ago, [[B...] said:

@[Sc...]. Please hold on you have so much ahead of you. Rest well. Do as much as you can to make your diet good. I found that made a huge difference .I found a relief from depression when I gave up sugar. Everyone is different. Read encouraging posts by Baylissa and Dr Jen. Take things slowly one moment at a time. Don't fight your symptoms.You can do  this . Have you read Claire Weekes books.?. Sending you much compassion. 

Yes, come to think of it, sugar was always a bummer for me too. I do eat granola bars, that's about it. 

Am aware of Claire Weekes about panic attacks. I what she said is to never test yourself! You don't force it, and would add, you really cannot fail! If you can just be aware of whatever you see. But I do think you can bite off more than you can chew, in allowing it to overwhelm you, as Weekes indicates. That's a radical approach for some pll. Can sometimes add further panic. I don't know, I'm not healed. I carry a great deal of fear around but if it's Benzos in origin, rather than psychological, it's real enough to be considered a rational fear. I don't know, any ideas?

[[Sc...]]

Hi everyone. I missed another thing, the fear of death/disease also adds to my stress. I am and was always against psych drugs, I had seen many videos how they affect the human body and brain, much before starting a benzo. I was so scared when I learnt about it. And all this I knew before I popped the pill. 

And you all would wonder how this idiot still went ahead to take a benzo. Ya because I was down with Dengue and I was restless(usual restlessness caused after weakness) when my mother tried every possible way to give me a benzo. I was very weak and didn't had the energy to understand or argue, I thought I would take it for a week and tell her that it was causing damage. I didn't knew anything about benzos. I took it for a week and when I stopped it I started getting heart attack like symptoms. It was like real heart strokes. I never ever experienced before. I don't exactly remember but I probably took benzos after that too and stopped again. And the symptoms went wildfire. And to save my life I couldn't think of anything than to follow the advice of the doctor who pushed benzos and AD aggressively. And that's how it all started. I took it for 4 years and didn't knew that all these symptoms were benzos in the back, untill one day I tried to stop it and I felt that the hell I had experienced so far was heaven in comparison to this. Some how I stumbled upon BB and found a right taper method. I tapered both benzo (ETIZOLAM 0.5) and SSRI (PAXIL 12.5) parallelly for 15 months and got off on August 2022. 

Many symptoms went away but what didn't leave was what I described above. In the midst of intense suffering I realized what life is all about and what possibility it holds. I can see clearly how me and others around me who seem so successful are just wasting life. And the saddest part is I can see it and do nothing about it. Desire of happiness or pleasure is also an impediment to our freedom, but the feeling of normalcy is like the short rejuvenation you get before starting a new round in boxing. You just need it, you cannot just keep running without water all the time. 

Tbh I have lost all hope of getting better from here, but what these drugs has shown me could have never ever be revealed by the ways the society functions.