getting off the Diazepam

[[Pa...]]

It sounds like you're doing well, I've been really impressed with your progress and your ability to hold your life together in the process.  I don't blame you for withholding your judgment on this guy, it's like any other relationship, it takes time to build trust.

[[Ol...]]

Pam,

 

You got that right!  I used to be the most trusting person but I find that I check out everything now.  It's kind of tiring but it's worth it.  I had a medical procedure a couple years ago, colonoscopy, and the dr said how awesome he was.  Well he knew the drugs I was on back then and I felt every bit of it.  It is painful.  It looks like I have to have another one, will find out tomorrow.  This time I will have to do some major homework to find a GI who knows about Benzos and I think that might be difficult.  You have to look out for yourself or have an advocate and I really only trust me when it comes to my health now.  Hopefully I will settle back into some sort of normalcy but it's probably good to have 2nd opinions in my mind even if the dr says he's done tons of them.  That doesn't make him the best.  Only in his head.  lol

 

Oleander

[[Pa...]]

Oww, awake for a colonoscopy?   Why another one so soon, did you have polyps?

[[Ol...]]

Weill it might be TMI but I don't find medical problems that way.  I guess that's good since I am studying to be a nurse.  lol.  No polyps, just bleeding.  I went to the ER since my dad has had many polyps and a few of my family members have died of colon cancer.  It is very hard to watch someone die of something so preventable.  After the ER, the Dr there said check up with my Dr. and if no problem, then we can forget the colonoscopy since I am a little young.  I have had bleeding 3 times since then, last week.  I am not a doctor but pretty sure my doctor might want one.  The pain was horrible, especially because I didn't know how long it would last and I heard the doc tell the nurse to stop giving me anymore sedation medication.  So I was stuck and honestly yelling.  I was just told to relax.  Might have helped but I had no idea how long this was going to last.  I took my dad a bunch of times and he never remembered a thing.  I can tell you what everyone was going to have for lunch that day.  THAT'S how awake I was.  The pain did stop at some point in the transverse colon because either you can't feel pain inside there or the drugs worked a bit but it felt like a snake slithering through me.  The end was the best when the doc came out and told my husband everything went great.  That's when the drugs started to really work and I couldn't say what I REALLY wanted to.  I trusted him so much.  He actually was so cocky he said he has done so many of these he could do it in my garage.  I took that cockiness for confidence but I really wanted to talk about the medication and what I was on and he really said don't worry your pretty little head about it.  I get that a lot when I ask some actual questions that patients don't bother to ask.  This time I will walk out the door if I am not treated with respect.  I treat all doctors with respect and I need for them to listen.  Too bad I also have to pick from my list of insurance list of doctors.  They only pay for people to get colonoscopies at 50 years old unless you have a family history.  I don't have a family history to insurance companies because my dad's polyps turned out to be benign.  They would have become cancerous I am sure but after his dad died of colon cancer he gets colonoscopies all the time.  So tomorrow should be a fun day. 

 

Wonder if I will get a good night sleep tonight.  lol.  I still want to go down 10% of my diazepam on Friday night but hate the timing.  There really is no good timing.  But on a serious note, even the pain is so worth not having colon cancer and not a day goes by that I don't miss my grandpa who was taken from us when I was only 19.  It was hard to watch such a great man die like that.  So I will continue to get them done, pain or not, and mammograms and everything else that could possibly save my life.  I might complain but I get all that done. 

 

Oleander

[[Pa...]]

What a horrible experience, I remember us talking about colon cancer prevention on another thread one time, I can see now why you're so adamant.  It's too bad there are so many restrictions with your medical insurance, but I have no doubt, you'll get the best care available because you're your own best health care advocate. 

 

I predict you'll sleep just fine, because I don't want to contribute to any self fulling sleep issues! 

[[Ol...]]

Pam,

 

yeah, I'm my own advocate and as you can imagine, a LOUD one.  lol.  I heard they might be changing the age restriction on colonoscopies.  Weird part is I have doctors over 50 that won't even get one.  I had a medical terminology teacher who was also a nurse who threw her script for a colonoscopy in the garbage as soon as she walked out of the doctor's office.  Don't know too many people that want them.  lol.  I don't know anyone that felt it and was awake that would be willing to get another, except me.  So I am either smart or a glutton for punishment.  (I think a little of both)  lol.  I think I will just be a little pickier and make sure the doctor listens to me.  I can't believe how many psychiatrists haven't and I just went along with their program.  I wonder how I would feel as a nurse listening to a doctor prescribing a ton on benzos. 

 

As for sleep, going to NOT try.  It seems to work better.  I also wear a sleep mask now.  It seems to work a bit.  But if I don't sleep, I hopefully will after my doctor appt tomorrow.  I have the rest of the day off if I get some work done today.

 

Oleander

[Guest [ke...]]

I've been wanting to say hello but didn't want to intrude into your conversation with Keryn, but what the heck, hello! 

 

Pam,

 

lol, you're not intruding..

 

LOL what the heck? what do you mean what the HECK? LOL

j/k.

 

Oleander, Hello.

 

Keryn.

[[Pa...]]

I've been wanting to say hello but didn't want to intrude into your conversation with Keryn, but what the heck, hello! 

 

Pam,

 

lol, you're not intruding..

LOL what the heck? what do you mean what the HECK? LOL

j/k.

 

Oleander, Hello.

 

Keryn.

 

I'm supposed to lead by example, so I have to refrain from using my normal vocabulary. 

[Guest [ke...]]

I've been wanting to say hello but didn't want to intrude into your conversation with Keryn, but what the heck, hello! 

 

Pam,

 

lol, you're not intruding..

LOL what the heck? what do you mean what the HECK? LOL

j/k.

 

Oleander, Hello.

 

Keryn.

 

I'm supposed to lead by example, so I have to refrain from using my normal vocabulary. 

 

[[Ol...]]

Well I try to refrain from mine too.  In high school my mom said I spoke like a truck driver.  It must have been "in" to swear a lot back then.  I try not to now but sometimes a word slips out.  lol

 

 

I am still trying to figure out if I want to taper down on Friday.  It has been 2 weeks then and I normally go faster but I have an appt with a new gastroenterologist tomorrow at 9 am and I am pretty sure he is going to say they want to do another colonoscopy.  I'm nervous because of my past incident but know it needs to be done, at least for peace of mind.  I am just meeting with him tomorrow.  If he says anything like "don't worry your pretty little head about it", I will be running out of there soooooo quick.  lolol

 

I already had that and screamed during that one.  I did find out from his RN (who is the only one I have spoken to with a brain) that they would most likely use an anesthesiologist and use Propofol or something like that through the IV.  My dad just had that a couple weeks ago. 

 

Oleander

[Guest [ke...]]

How's everything going Oleander?

 

Keryn.

 

You sleeping ok?

[[Ol...]]

HI Keryn,

 

Feeling good.  Got a good GI dr and having colonoscopy on the 11th of Oct.  He answered all my questions and wasn't cocky.  Glad for that.  He said I was right and that the amt of benzos I was on could be problematic with twilight.  So having the Michael Jackson drug and having an anesthesiologist.  So no worries, glad about that.  I think the CBT and biofeedback is working.  I accidentally went to sleep without taking any benzos yesterday.  I woke up at 4am and took them then.  I don't have class on Fridays so I just had a nice sleep.  I am going down tonight.  Not sure if I will take 19 or 18 mg I wonder how hard it will be to cut a 2 mg.  I believe I have enough pills or refills so I don't have to see that psychiatrist who couldn't understand why I wanted off this and just wanted to give me more and more.  lol.

 

How are you sleeping.  I fall asleep pretty quick now.  I am doing the breath slow and low project right now.  lol.  It sounds dopey but works.

 

Have a great Friday!

 

Oleander

[Guest [ke...]]

HI Keryn,

 

Feeling good.  Got a good GI dr and having colonoscopy on the 11th of Oct.  He answered all my questions and wasn't cocky.  Glad for that.   He said I was right and that the amt of benzos I was on could be problematic with twilight.  So having the Michael Jackson drug and having an anesthesiologist.  So no worries, glad about that.  I think the CBT and biofeedback is working.  I accidentally went to sleep without taking any benzos yesterday.  I woke up at 4am and took them then.  I don't have class on Fridays so I just had a nice sleep.  I am going down tonight.  Not sure if I will take 19 or 18 mg I wonder how hard it will be to cut a 2 mg.  I believe I have enough pills or refills so I don't have to see that psychiatrist who couldn't understand why I wanted off this and just wanted to give me more and more.  lol.

 

How are you sleeping.  I fall asleep pretty quick now.  I am doing the breath slow and low project right now.  lol.  It sounds dopey but works.

 

Have a great Friday!

 

Oleander

 

Oleander..

 

So I take it they will be using Propofol?

Which is actually a pretty good anaesthetic, in Michael's case, he was not monitored or anything & took other medications with it.

I'm glad the CBT and Biofeedback is working for you..it's very helpful, in w/d ..some say CBT don't work. I think it does to a point.

I accidentally went to sleep without taking any benzos yesterday.

That's actually a good sign because if you can get to sleep without the 20mg of Valium at night..you're doing pretty well.

If I were you, I would try cutting to 19mg..see what happens there, you've came a long way already in a quick time too.

If you feel like you can handle cutting to 18mg, go for it, listen to your body; and don't over do it.

I am doing the breath slow and low project right now.  lol.  It sounds dopey but works.

 

 

Have a good weekend..

 

Keryn.

 

 

[[Ol...]]

HI Keryn,

 

Feeling good.  Got a good GI dr and having colonoscopy on the 11th of Oct.  He answered all my questions and wasn't cocky.  Glad for that.   He said I was right and that the amt of benzos I was on could be problematic with twilight.  So having the Michael Jackson drug and having an anesthesiologist.  So no worries, glad about that.  I think the CBT and biofeedback is working.  I accidentally went to sleep without taking any benzos yesterday.  I woke up at 4am and took them then.  I don't have class on Fridays so I just had a nice sleep.  I am going down tonight.  Not sure if I will take 19 or 18 mg I wonder how hard it will be to cut a 2 mg.  I believe I have enough pills or refills so I don't have to see that psychiatrist who couldn't understand why I wanted off this and just wanted to give me more and more.  lol.

 

How are you sleeping.  I fall asleep pretty quick now.  I am doing the breath slow and low project right now.  lol.  It sounds dopey but works.

 

Have a great Friday!

 

Oleander

 

Oleander..

 

So I take it they will be using Propofol?

Which is actually a pretty good anaesthetic, in Michael's case, he was not monitored or anything & took other medications with it.

I'm glad the CBT and Biofeedback is working for you..it's very helpful, in w/d ..some say CBT don't work. I think it does to a point.

I accidentally went to sleep without taking any benzos yesterday.

That's actually a good sign because if you can get to sleep without the 20mg of Valium at night..you're doing pretty well.

If I were you, I would try cutting to 19mg..see what happens there, you've came a long way already in a quick time too.

If you feel like you can handle cutting to 18mg, go for it, listen to your body; and don't over do it.

I am doing the breath slow and low project right now.  lol.  It sounds dopey but works.

 

 

Have a good weekend..

 

Keryn.

 

 

 

Yeah, not sure about the CBT but it's not hurting me so what the heck.  I think he uses a lot more biofeedback.  I only have a minor in psychology but read a lot about it and could work.  Who knows.

 

I think I am going to try to jump to 18 and see how it goes.  Might stay there awhile but I think I feel like I am in a good place.

 

I am cool with the propofol.  Dad had it a couple weeks ago.  We are just the colonoscopy family.  lol.  Better than the alternative.  Of course now I have no more symptoms but still getting it done.  Glad I found a GI who actually understands benzos, big time.  That is a relief.  The prep won't be fun but I'll deal with it.  lol.

 

How are you doing?  Any w/d s/x?  I guess I have one, waking up in the middle of the night and I have to pee.  Thought it was because I drink to much water but I stopped drinking it before bed and read that that can be a s/x.  I fall right back to sleep so it doesn't bother me much.  A little annoying stepping on my collie last night but she is kicked out tonight.  lol

 

Have a great rest of the weekend!!

 

Oleander

 

 

[[Pa...]]

Good to hear you've found a Dr who will work with you on the meds for your colonoscopy, I hate the prep too!    It's good to hear you're able to go back to sleep when you wake up in the middle of the night, but try not to step on the poor dog!  I have the same problem with a dog and three cats, they're always underfoot. 

[Guest [ke...]]

Oleander,

 

I'm doing ok, I have w/d sx's, Anxiety, sometimes Insomnia and a few others. I'm glad things are going well with you.

You seem to be doing well, good luck on your next cut. I made a cut today, I need to update everything. I hope you have a smooth ride.

Keryn.

 

BTW- I have 2 dogs and a cat They mostly stay inside, I let them out in the day, my cat I don't..he don't like outdoors anyway. Every morning I feed my cat and let the dogs out, roommate lets them back in, in the evenings.

 

[[Ol...]]

Pam and Keryn,

 

My animal loving friends.  Lady is a 70 lb collie, just moves really slow.  lol.  I have been going back and forth with this cutting down at night because I have been able to sleep but the point is to get off.  SO I am going down to 18 mg diazepam and staying there until after my colonoscopy.  Now I find out I need an EKG and a blood test to see if I am now anemic.  Could be, my mom is.  I had some red meat today, just to see if I could raise the iron level.  lol.  I think I would need more than that.  So I have to take an exam in school on Wednesday and then rush out of there and find this hospital after and get these tests done.  Hopefully they come out well so I can get this over with next Monday.  After than I will probably want to continue 10% drops and stay as long as needed.  I just want to be done with them or close to done by the time Feb 28th when I have to take another drug test.  They didn't test me for benzos last time.  Funny, I think they are lots worse than some of the others but what the heck do I know??  I did have a long talk with my intake nurse today and she told me that I was ABSOLUTELY correct when I said that I thought I couldn't fall asleep with a benzo/versad cocktail because of what I was on before.  Funny the GI DOCTOR said he knew what he was doing.  lololol.  Wish I had a buck for every time a doctor said he knew what he was doing.  Research!  That is what I do now, no matter what a doctor tells me.

 

Now that I go to sleep without my contacts, Lady could be in big trouble if I really step on her hard, she is going to have to sleep outside the room.  Hard to change that after 7 years but I am just going to start slowly by putting her bed outside the room.  She always gets out of it so you just never know where she will end up.  I did teach her NOT on the bed.  She is way too hot.  That took awhile but she has a lot of hair and she might be nice in December but not now.  lol

 

Have a great week guys.  I will be studying and test taking this week.  But after next Monday I will be a happy camper!!

 

Oleander

[[Ol...]]

was nervous but went down to 18 mg of Diazepam at night.  Fell asleep quick and slept for 8 hours.  I think the CBT and biofeedback is helping.  Glad I got some down.  Now maybe I won't be worried about the rest.  Going to hold for at least a week.

 

 

Oleander

[[Pa...]]

It's great to hear you reduced your dose and that you think you therapy is helping!  Hey, good luck on all of your tests, those on your body and the written ones.  You sure have a lot going on, I wouldn't be able to keep up with your schedule and I'm healed.

 

You know, if you'd like to get more support while you're going through this, you could start a thread in Withdrawal and Recovery, not that many people hang out on this board.  Just a thought.

[Guest [ke...]]

Oleander,

 

Good to hear, I find sometimes making a cut helps me..

other times not so much, just relating to the Valium taper.

Good to hear the CBT is working.

 

Keryn.

[[Ol...]]

yeah I think I have too much else going on to worry that much about cutting down.  I think 18 mg of Diazepam is pretty good for me since in May I was on 2 mg of Xanax and 3 mg of Klonopin.  Glad to get off that stuff and the Diazepam seems easier to drop down.  That's what I spent the summer doing.  I was lucky I didn't have s/x but I am ready for them.  I have an easier semester and should be good until end of February.  At that point, I have no idea when I would be able to think about side effects.  lol.  I will be full time school, lab, and clinicals so I will have to just keep working on CBT and biofeedback.  Glad it seems to be working now.  I am sure I will get to a point where I will have a s/x.  Hopefully it won't be a debilitating one.  I am just doing 10% drops now so not too much of a change.  I don't want to go any larger even if I feel like I can because I have too much going on.

 

I hope tomorrow will be a smooth school test and smooth EKG and blood work.  Then I hope that I can get a bunch of work done so I have Sunday for the "Prep" and Monday for the procedure.  I should be out for the rest of Monday but hopefully back to business Tuesday.  I remember the one from 3 years ago.  I was just glad it was over. 

 

The funny thing I am worried about is where I am going tomorrow.  I think it's in the GPS but I hope I figure out where to go in the hospital.  I don't normally go here but this GI uses this hospital so okay by me.  Where ever he goes, I go.  lol

 

Glad all your symptoms are gone, Pam.  Glad you seem to feeling good too. Keryn.

 

Have a great night!  I decided to be lazy since I want to get a lot more studying done and got my hubby to bring me home my fave Cobb salad from Panera.  I think I  could live there.  lol  One of these days I need to make a nice dinner.  lol

 

TTFN,

 

Oleander

[[Pa...]]

I still can't get over how much Xanax and Klonopin you were on, it blows me away, I'll say you've made progress!    I'm glad you're going to hold for a bit, you should take a break, especially with the procedure coming up. 

 

How did your tests go, the written and the medical?

[[Ol...]]

Had my appt with CBT, biofeedback guy today.  I guess it went well.  I am sleeping better but not doing everything on his list of stuff to do for homework.  I am taking what he says into consideration and using what parts I like.

 

The tapering to 18 mg of diazepam is working well.  I thought I would have problems with lowering it, especially sleeping when I am a little worried about Monday but I have slept about 8 hours per night.  I think I will cut it again to 16 mg but wait until the end of next week.  Not in a rush right now.  I have the time and I don't want to get any s/x at this point.  Better to wait and last a little longer on the 18 mg.  It's still much better than all the Xanax and Clonazapam.  I have to say I didn't think I could get down this low by this point without a lot of problems but I am just learning how to relax.  Who ever thought you could teach an old dog new tricks?  Not me.  lol.  But it seems to be working so far.  We'll see how it goes.  One step at a time.

 

Oleander

[[Ol...]]

Hi Pam,

 

Funny we were writing at the same time.  The written I feel okay about but she is slow to grade.  Hoping for an A but will take a B.  I think my biggest problem was finding my way around this hospital.  It's not near my house but my doc likes it better.  I got the EKG and she said the Cardiologist has to read the results but no one has said it was bad.  The phlebotomist was horrible.  I still have a bruise on my arm.  They were testing for anemia.  I guess I would have already gotten a call if there was a problem.  I start my "prep" on Sunday.  Bummer, no food all day.  Lots of liquid and then Monday morning I go in and hope to fall asleep.  This doc seems to really understand benzos and what my problem is so he promised I would be asleep and he wouldn't start until I was OUT!  That's what I am a little nervous about.  If it works I will be fine getting more of them in the future.  I know I have to with all the colon cancer in my family.  Just one of those things that is annoying but so treatable if detected early.  The hard part is watching your grandpa die from it.  Sad disease.  But that was years ago and testing is so much better. 

 

Thanks for the kudos on tapering quickly.  I am really surprised.  I look at others on way less than me but have to remember we all go through it differently.  I know what bad s/x are after my 4 day c/t in May.  That was insane.  Well I thought I was going insane.  I feel pretty good but got kind of lazy over the summer of being on all that diazepam and haven't exercised like I used to.  I keep making excuses now.  I have to get back to normalcy.  I hope the CBT will continue to work.

 

Have a great weekend.

 

Oleander

[[Pa...]]

You've been breaking land speed records for tapering, but I must say, you're doing exactly what your body must need.  The fact that you've been able to keep up with your studies while withdrawing is amazing, I predict total success for you. 

 

I'm sure they'll get you to sleep this time, you've made sure everyone is up to speed on your issue.  It sounds like you've actually gotten the Dr's ego out of the way enough to work with you on this.