getting off the Diazepam

[[ro...]]

(CONTINUED)  - OOPS hit the wrong button.

 

Rocko here

 

... more than I anticipated.  I've decided to take my next cut of .25 mg. instead of a .5 mg. cut.  Insomnia, nitetime flushing, and just feeling crappy from this cut. 

 

I read last nite from Ray Nimmo's research that there is a tolerance point for everyone.  When you go below the tolerance point in dosage, you will feel the WD symptoms.  I guess we are feeling our tolerance point dosages right now.  I'm now thinking I might want to switch to liquid valium for the last 2 mg. or so.  How about you?

 

I agree with Pamster -- more important for you to be functional right now with your nursing studies.

 

 

Here's to a better week ahead for both of us..  take care dear little friend!

 

Rocko

[[Ol...]]

Hi Rocko,

 

After a day of really weighing all the odds on this, I think I really have to agree with Pamster.  She one smart cookie!    I think I am going to go up on the dosage and then cut slower.  I can't just put off nursing school.  It took too much to get here.  I never even thought I would get in.  It is a lot of pressure for the BSN program.  I am just trying not to think of what I failed and am trying to think of how much I have accomplished.  I've been taking some tough classes for the last semester and got an A in every one.  I took the entrance examination and got in the school of my dreams and got off a very large portion of these drugs.  My goal was a lot more but that is also the control freak in me.   I really don't think that will end anytime soon.  BUT I do need to look at the bigger picture much more than the exact number of mg I can get down to.

 

I'm not sure about the liquid valium but I might do that when I get down far enough.  I know I will have to see my doctor again anyway if I go up in the mgs.  I won't have enough to not get a script from him and he will want to see me.  I have a while to think about that.

 

I am sure I reached my tolerance point at 4mg.  I think cutting at .25 is a good idea.  I'm just wondering how I would cut a 2 mg pill in 4 pieces.  I might really have to look at the liquid valium when I get down to a much lower dosage.  Good luck and keep in touch.  Hopefully I will get back on track and get things moving in the right direction pretty soon.

 

Oleander

 

 

[[Be...]]

I'm glad you are able to recognize all you've accomplished, Oleander.  All  those "A's" and getting into your first choice of schools is something many couldn't do even if they weren't withdrawing from an addictive drug.

 

As to cutting the pills in 1/4s, I used a pill splitter I got at the pharmacy.  A razor blade will also work I'm told.  You split the pills in half, then split those pieces in half again.  Easy peasy. 

[[Pa...]]

Hi Oleander,

 

I knew you'd look at the big picture and think your way through this!  You've done such amazing things, and like Beeper said, this stuff is tough, but you've done it while being compromised so give yourself a pat on the back!

 

No worries about cutting pills, people become experts around here, and I think cutting your 2 mg into quarters sounds like a good way to go.  So you're thinking about cutting your total dose by .25 or just the one 2 mg pill?

 

It's good to see your confidence come back dear. 

[[Ol...]]

Thanks Beeper and Pamster.

 

Pam, you know for sure that I don't like to fail.  I really had to do a lot of thinking.  The most important thing is to get off of these but getting my life back is so important too.  I had to make a compromise.  Boy is that tough for a control freak!!!  LOL.  I took 8mg today and I am going to cut by 1mg at a time until I get 4mg. That was my bad spot so at that point I think I will go down .5mg.  That will mean splitting the 2mg pill in half and then half again.  I have a pill splitter but I think a razor for the quartering of the pill will be easier.  I would just stick to the 1mg cuts but need to see how I can live during this semester.  I guess I am looking at the big picture and trying not to beat myself up.  It could be worse.  I am just going to move onward.  I don't have a plan like cut every 7 days or anything like that.  No more cut as fast as I can.  I am back to 8mg at night and I will cut as I see fit and if it takes me awhile it's going to be okay.  I am not going anywhere.  There is no race.  There is just a goal and I will hit it one day.  Believe me, the day I do I will be jumping up and down like a lunatic.    Oh, just like that.

 

Thanks to you and everyone who has helped me through this crazy week.  I hope to be able to ride this out for a bit and not be consumed by it.  It's great to know I have all these buddies that really get it. BOY, have I needed you lately!!  The help was so needed.

 

Oleander

[[ro...]]

Hi Oleander:

 

Sounds like you are on solid footing again.  I think it is a wise decision to go up in your dose.  Your studies for your nursing program require your full abilities, and we both know that tapering off valium presents some serious dysfunctional days.  I had two myself this week.  I only wanted to hang out in my bathrobe and watch TV -- all I could muster. 

 

You will get off this stuff as you are one very determined lady.  Kudos to you for pushing forward with your life's dream to become a nurse. 

 

Let me know if I can help you in any way.  I'm here for you.

 

P.S.  Last two days have been good ones for me.  But I'm slowing down to .25 mg. cuts (cutting the 2 mg. pill into 1/8ths).  Then cut every 10 days. 

 

God bless,

Rocko

[[Pa...]]

Hi Oleander,

 

There is no failure here, just a smart lady figuring out the best way to be able to live her life and plan for her future.  A member named January wrote this yesterday and I thought it was perfect because she's empowering herself, gaining the upper hand over the drug withdrawal, just as you are. 

 

Thanks to everybody for Christmas messages!

 

I started titrating on 15 December at 0.5mg. It's easy to do on liquid clonazepam! I planned a standard 1% per day set of maths, but I'm holding the dose steady on any day when I had more-than-usual symptoms, or if I had big stuff on the next day, so it'll take more than 100 days all up. It's been 20 days so far and I've moved down on 12 of them but it'll go faster now because Christmas/NY stress is all done with and also I'm getting the hang of how much symptomology is worth holding for.

 

[[Ol...]]

Thanks Rocko,

 

It seems like you are doing really good. You must be a really good cutter to cut those 2 mg in 1/8ths.  When you get really good at it I might need to know your trick.  But being back to 8mg, it will be awhile.  Okay with me.  I actually feel okay today.  It seems like after switching it back up last night, it's not working as I thought.  I feel pretty yucky today.  I could only sleep 3 hours.  I woke up a couple times too.  I woke up to my husband taking the garbage out so I didn't have to bother with it.  NICE    But have been just watching TV.  It's really not my style but I have found there is a lot of junk on TV and I have a bunch of channels that I can't believe are on the air!  LOL.  But I think I will feel good in a few days.  I'm just not going to have any date to move to a lower dose.  It will happen when it happens.  I do have to think about what will be expected of me at school before I cut again.  I start next week so we'll see.  Thanks for all the help!!

 

Oleander

[[Ol...]]

Thanks Pamster.  I liked reading January's post.  I am going to cut based on what's going on.  If it takes me longer, oh well.  I KNOW it will happen because it is a huge goal of mine.  It's not fun being on this amount.  I don't feel great and I want them gone.  BUT I am glad that I went up.  I really felt I had no choice.  When I do get down to a lower amount, I am really going to consider the liquid valium.  I think cutting into super tiny pieces might be difficult.  I already have it in my mind that I will need to see my doc again.  Hopefully he will continue to just do what I want.  Thanks for thinking of me!!

 

Oleander

[[Pa...]]

I would imagine, given your personality that you probably would feel more comfortable with something more precise than dry cutting, am I right?  Those little flecks of varying amounts won't sit well with you. 

[[Ol...]]

I would imagine, given your personality that you probably would feel more comfortable with something more precise than dry cutting, am I right?  Those little flecks of varying amounts won't sit well with you.   

 

Wow, it's like you read my mind!  I like things precise!!!  Did we meet??    You know me too well, Pam!!!

 

Oleander

[[Pa...]]

Just getting to know you and appreciate you for who you are. 

[[Ol...]]

Just getting to know you and appreciate you for who you are. 

 

 

Aww, thanks, you've been a lifesaver!!  I am feeling better and hopefully I can put this behind me and get back to cutting this junk down and out!! 

 

Oleander

[[Pa...]]

I've noticed you're feeling better and wanted to thank you for all of the posts you've made today, it's appreciated. 

[[Ol...]]

I've noticed you're feeling better and wanted to thank you for all of the posts you've made today, it's appreciated. 

 

No problem.  I just try to give advice when I have any.  I don't always know what I am talking about.  I guess not having any big s/x for so long made me not really know what to say to anyone.  I think feeling bad has helped me understand a bit more.  I am feeling better than last week but not that great.  But who needed sleep anyway. 

 

Oleander

[[ro...]]

Oleander:

 

Hope you rebound quickly and get stable again.  I'm very glad I am getting to know you better and share our valium taper blues and news.

 

You are a blessing to me and many others!!

 

Continue to feel better and hopefully, sleep will return ASAP. 

 

Cheers to you,

Cory

[[Ol...]]

Thanks Cory

 

Been quite a day of nothing.  That's the kind of day that I just don't like.  I wasn't hungry, I wasn't able to sleep, I didn't do a thing.  I also now have a headache.  I am guessing it's because of not eating.  My husband is a little mad about the "not eating" part.  That's usually what I do when I am too busy.  Now it's happening when I am not busy at all.  It's kind of weird.  I think I was hungry today but felt to tired and bored to bother.  Kind of strange.

 

I don't know if I am stable on the 8mg I am on now.  It seems so strange.  I thought I would be fine after a day or so.  It is double what I was on a week ago.  I think I will feel better with a good night sleep.  Hoping for that tonight. 

 

Did you think about doing the liquid valium or cutting 1/8 of a pill?  I don't have to worry about that now but I am keeping my options open for the future.  The liquid isn't sounding too bad.  I really didn't want to see my doctor again but I will have to anyway now that I went up in dosage.  I'm pretty sure I can talk him into what ever I want.  I taught him all about the Ashton Method and the fact that going down .5 of Xanax or Klonopin per week wasn't going to work for me.  He really didn't get that.  Gotta love doctors. 

 

I hope you are doing well.  You are just about there.  I am interested in how the rest of this journey goes for you.  Good luck!!!  I'm rooting for you to be rid of these awful pills really soon.

 

Oleander

[[Ja...]]

hi Oleander - wanted to jump over to your thread and say hi...and thank you for posting your encouraging notes on my thread! I've just read a few of your recent notes and saw that you haven't been feeling well too. Thank you again for your support...as I've said to Rocko, I know it takes extra strength to give encouragement to others even while you're tapering and experiencing side-effects.

 

You are very inspiring and have come such a long way. Don't loose sight of that... sometimes it's hard to step back and look back at your own achievements. I have had several set-backs in my attempts to get off of this medication. I know that I want this to be over with, but didn't know how to get there. There has been so many unknowns about this experience. This time around, I hope that it is more manageable for me to make reductions, but I presume that I'll have to take it really slow. If I can make this happen in 2011, it will be a blessing.

 

I just wanted to wish you well and send kind thoughts your way!

- Jan

 

PS: Sleep has improved by a few hours last night...thank goodness! It was a 2AM night vs a 5AM night.

[[Pa...]]

I've noticed you're feeling better and wanted to thank you for all of the posts you've made today, it's appreciated. 

 

No problem.  I just try to give advice when I have any.  I don't always know what I am talking about.  I guess not having any big s/x for so long made me not really know what to say to anyone.  I think feeling bad has helped me understand a bit more.  I am feeling better than last week but not that great.  But who needed sleep anyway.   

 

Oleander

 

This is a great observation, and I can see how true it can be, wow!

[[ro...]]

Hi Oleander and Jan:

 

I don't think I will mess with the liquid valium.  Had three pretty decent days - so figure body adjusts and time to move on.  I will cut to 2.25 mg. Friday nite, and try to cut .25 mg. every 10 days or so. 

 

Oleander; it sounds like you are kind of numb today -- I hope you are not feeling discouraged!!  You have come so very far and I know things will improve for you.  We have our Nikes on and we're running together!

 

Jan:  very glad to hear your crossover went well and you are now stabilizing on your current dose of valium.  Very wise to not even try to taper before this 30 day phase is over.  I was glad I held for the 30 days too.  I felt so much better than I thought I would.  I remodeled downstairs and hosted Christmas dinners.  The valium withdrawal SxS have not been anything like the horrible interdosing stuff from Ativan -- allejuhia (can't spell that one!)

 

Here's to us one and all!

Rocko aka Cory

[[Ol...]]

Thanks Pam, Jan, and Rocko for your kind words.  I am a little out of sorts today.  I think I really need a good night sleep.  It's just not working and it's been days.  I think it's taken a toll on me.  The computer seems to be a little much today.  I don't know why but the lights are a little much.  I have had s/x but not sure if they are because of w/d or what.  I haven't really been able to eat much.  I feel so nauseous and nothing sounds good to eat.  I have also had heart burn for a week.  I haven't eaten anything that could possibly give me that.  Then just shaky.  That could be from just no sleep.  So all seem manageable and I am fine.  I think some sleep tonight might just be a good thing.  I hear ya' on the 5am, Jan.  I will get back on tomorrow but just going to take it easy tonight.  Got one week from today until school starts so I want to rest up till then.  I hope you are all doing well. 

 

Oleander

[[Pa...]]

Dang Oleander, you sound awful!  You sailed along so well for so long, this really sucks.  You were my success story, the person who was proving that mind over matter was possible, and now you're getting slammed.  I'm so sorry, everything you've described sounds like rotten benzo withdrawal, but no doubt, some sleep would help.

 

What can we do for you, do you need some tips for your heartburn or the nausea?

[[Ol...]]

Hi Pam,

 

Getting slammed but don't take away my success story yet.  I am going to beat this thing!!!  I have my bad moments but I am stronger than these symptoms.  I have had some headaches and took some Tylenol yesterday.  It helped.  I took a benedryl this morning.  I get hives sometimes.  Not because of w/d symptoms but I am allergic to something, who knows what.  That actually made me feel loopy but took away the shaky.  Not sure which is better.  The heartburn is strange.  I don't normally get it unless I chow down on too much spaghetti or something like that.  I have eaten pretty bland food so that's really weird.  My husband gave me a Pepcid?  It was the kind that lasts 24 hours.  It is much better.  And this is gross but when I do eat, like dinner tonight, I need to use the bathroom right after and it's not too good, if you get my drift. lol.  I don't want to take an immodium like my husband suggested.  Just too many meds so I am afraid I am prolonging symptoms or making them worse.  I have no idea.  I don't take much for any of this stuff.  I have only taken Zyrtek for hives but ran out.  Is the benedryl a bad thing??  If you have heard of a more natural way to get rid of heartburn and nausea that would be great. 

 

I agree, sleep would be nice. 

 

Oleander

[[Pa...]]

Don't worry, I'm not writing you off yet!   

 

Lots of folks take Benadryl to try and get some sleep, so I doubt you'll have a problem with taking it as directed.    I hear you about the um, bathroom issues, I used to have them too, so unpleasant and inconvenient.  I've not had problems with heartburn, but have seen many, many threads about it, if you'd like to do a forum search.  I don't blame you for not wanting to load up on the drugs, it's too hard to say what's helping and what's hurting that way.

[[Ol...]]

Thanks for the information, Pam.  I was glad to hear the benedryl is probably okay.  I looked up the other, um, inconvenient problem stuff and not much here.  It's kind of weird because it's like problems from the heartburn to stomach to intestines, not fun.  LOL.  But I don't mind the inconvenience factor as much as the losing of nutrients.  I stopped taking my vitamin tablet when I started tapering last year.  I read they could cause problems so I just didn't take much of anything this whole time except those darn diazepams.  I would take some advil once in awhile, but left it at that.  I don't need to stir up any more problems!  So I will probably just be careful with what I eat.  I am going to keep it bland for a bit.  I'm not all that interested in food so I don't really care if it's bland.  I think these s/x will pass at some point.  I can get used to all of them.  I think it was just a shock to have them all hit at once.  I have other weird things happening like the hot/cold thing all the time.  I remember that when I had interdose withdrawals.  I just have thin blanket, thick blanket exchanges and a ceiling fan.  It seems to work.  I also taste metal in my mouth.  I just brush my teeth more.  Hey, that can't hurt!  I will just learn how to deal with the other little things thrown at me as time goes on.  I do think if I get the sleeping back where it was I can deal with school next week.  At least it's something to keep my mind off these other things going on.  The great thing I have now are you and all the Benzobuddies and I have to give my husband some thanks (and I have) for being calm and making my life easier right now.  I would be so sick of this if I were him!  He just says I can't get rid of him, he's not going anywhere! 

 

I hope everyone a great day tomorrow!  I am off to bed.

 

Oleander