getting off the Diazepam

[[Ja...]]

Hi Oleander, I have been having similar symptoms this week and have to tie it all back to making the last change in the medication. I don't know if it will be of any encouragement, but after the sixth day now, things seem a bit better. Couldn't eat much this week, and can totally relate to the stomach issues. I finally ate a good pasta dinner last night as I had plans with a friend and was going to consider cancelling, but made myself go. The insomnia finally improved a bit last night. I was getting concerned as I start work next week and need to get on some sort of regular sleep schedule. There is one thing that helped me this week as I try to find things that somehow comfort me to manage through side-effects. I bought a bath product for a holiday gift and found out the person I was giving it to who has been through a lot of surgeries this year, can't take baths - only showers! It's called 'Sleep, Dream Bath' by Bath & Body Works Aromatherapy in Lavender/Vanilla. When I was up late two nights this week, I remembered I had it and thought I'd give it a try! I didn't quite believe it would help, but after 10 minutes in the tub and breathing it in, I felt some relaxation come over my mind! I couldn't believe it and thought it must be a placebo effect or something! Anyway, I read the reviews online and others said the same thing, it's a very relaxing and calming product. I went out last night and bought a few more as it's on sale. I know this tip may sound a bit corny, but thought I'd pass it along. Anyway - I know this is a lengthy note, but really hope you can rest and can eat something soon to build up your energy. Your husband sounds wonderful, it is truly one thing that helps - to have someone encourage you and comfort you through this. My thoughts are with you!

- Jan

[[Ol...]]

Jan,

 

you give me hope that things will get better.  It is about the 6th day for me.  I have another 6 days before I start back to school.  I am so happy about that.  I am going to get that bath stuff.  Might go out to the mall tomorrow to pick some up.  I'm not really a bath person but I remember being a kid and taking a bath and getting into jammies and just feeling so carefree.  (might be because I was a kid and had nothing to worry about,  )  I am up for trying almost anything natural.  I did go ahead and take benedryl.  It helped so well to get more sleep but the sleep was a little different and I felt loopy when I woke up.  I think I feel better right now.  I was waking up every 90 minutes or so after lying in bed for 6 hours trying to fall asleep.  Then just getting about 4 hours sometimes.  I am just holding on, knowing it will get better.  I think I am going to hold on at 8mg for awhile.  Hopefully when I go to school next week I will know more about how fast I can cut these.  I am still a little mad I am not still at 4mg. UGH!!  But when I feel that I just remember in June I was at 60mg.  So weird how this last bit is so hard and the beginning was a breeze comparatively.

 

I am so glad you seem to be doing well and you were able to go out and have fun last night.  I don't have any plans for this weekend but next weekend I am going to the movies and dinner.  I have a little time until then.  That makes me feel better.  Keep on doing well!!  We will get rid of these!!!!

 

Oleander

[[Pa...]]

Hi Oleander,

 

Let's talk about your alcohol concerns, okay?

[[Ol...]]

I just keep reading how alcohol works on the same receptors as benzos.  I haven't really drank for the last few years until about the time I started tapering.  I didn't put two and two together until today.  I felt pretty bad with interdose withdrawals on the Xanax and Klonopin so I pretty much drank nothing because I never felt good. The diazepam made me really tired but then as I began to taper I felt so much better all the time.  So I think, looking back I drank more beer.  I am just wondering after reading your post if I am okay on the 8mg or are we talking I need to move it back up to 60mg???  That seems unthinkable.  I feel better now, no anxiety, shaky feeling.  I do have some symptoms that remind me of a bad stomach flu but no fever.  I have been taking probiotics and drinking ginger ale and just had some soup broth and rice.  I seem to be okay with that.  I guess I would like to know if I am really healing or if I am just about to have it get worse?  Probably hard to figure out until I am there.  Reading stuff here and online can make you a little confused and feel like you have symptoms you don't have. 

 

I think I came down pretty fast at the end and should have done 1mg per couple weeks or so.  I went a little faster but felt fine until last week.  Then I got hit by a truck with s/x.  Now is the first day I feel better.  I took some benedryl last night and got some much needed sleep. 

 

I guess my concern is whether or not I screwed this up and if I can just keep where I am at for awhile at 8mg and not a drop of alcohol.  It is the last thing I want, that's for sure!

 

Oleander

[[Ja...]]

Hi Oleander, I didn't think I'd be back online tonight, but needed to read some success stories myself for encouragement again. I know this is such a battle. I am so glad that I've been able to give you hope and help you to look forward to see that things will get better.

 

Glad you are feeling a bit better today and able to rest and eat something! When I feel the worst, hot liquids are best for me and soup is the main staple! I don't know why, but I should be thin like I used to be from this sort of diet, but my metabolism is just not the same!

 

I had a few rough-patch days this week, but was less frightened this time of the symptoms. Today has been better. I have to 'press on' as may pastor would say from my previous church! I am literally going into perhaps the third year of getting off of these medications. While I know that is exceptionally long, I guess I couldn't go any faster. I was advised to make really big reductions and looking back, it took me awhile to recover from each time. I also had to do my best to maintain all of my responsibilities during this and plus, just simply didn't know what was happening.

 

You have come really far! While I'm not an expert on advice on this at all, it sounds like this is the step your body needed to take. I think it's best to listen to how you feel. I made a reduction this summer that my Dr. advised (25%!) and I was in really bad shape. My friend encouraged me to go back up to the where I was before. I'm glad I listened as it just wasn't the right thing to do at that time...and the severe symptoms went away pretty quickly which was good as I had no opportunity to take time off of work.

 

And thank you for your encouragement. I needed this today too. Hope you have fun at the movies next week. Maybe see a comedy if there's a good one out?! My friend and I had a good time last night and at one moment, something funny happened and we just laughed. I haven't laughed that hard in ages, it was a good feeling!

 

Treat yourself well and just keep looking forward!

 

-Jan

PS: let me know if the Bath & Body Works product helps you!

 

 

[[Pa...]]

Don't panic, okay?  Even Professor Ashton says it's okay to have a glass or two of wine, but most folks around here find it makes them feel worse.  The member I was talking about quit cold turkey, then started drinking a 12 pack a day.  When he finally stopped that many months later, he was back to day one of his cold turkey.  His story is extreme.

 

Just hold at 8, you know the drill, see how you're feeling and don't worry.  Reading scary stuff is a problem around here so don't make things worse for yourself. 

[[Ol...]]

Thanks Pam,

 

I think you are right.  I remember right after my 4 day c/t I was looking at so many things here that scared me.  When I felt back to normal during most of the tapering I didn't look as much.  I didn't really do much here because it was hard for me to understand those feelings anymore.  I know them again.  But I think worrying about them is just holding me back.  I guess because I wasn't ready to hit the wall I didn't know how hard the wall was going to get.  But I think I am better.  I actually ate dinner and I am still good.  I just wanted to make sure the 8mg is a good place to be.  I hated even going up that high but I knew it had to be done.  I don't even know when to taper down 1mg.  I used to just know.  Now I feel in the dark.  I start school next week so I was thinking of holding on a bit longer to get used to it.  I don't know if holding on would be beneficial or not??  I also know I am going to have to see my doc again for another script and wanted to learn about liquid valium or liquid diazapam if they even have that.  I looked around and I found a lot of stuff on titration but it was mostly pills in liquid.  Is there a good place to get some info so I can be prepared?  When I get my refills from him I would like it to be the last time.  It's hard to go there and have to get something from him when he has no idea what these can do.  So I would like to give him my whole plan as to how I am going to get off the last 8mg.  Thanks for your help.  I am so done with drinking anything forever.  Even when I am done with this diazepam I don't need anything doing crazy stuff to my brain.  I need that for school! 

 

On a lighter note, I was able to laugh tonight with my husband and he said it was so nice to see me smile and laugh.  I guess it had been awhile.  It feels like I might be getting me back little by little.

 

Thanks again.  Not panicking!!  Just taking it day by day! 

 

Oleander

[[Pa...]]

I'm so glad you were able to laugh, what a treat for you both!

 

I've Googled liquid Diazepam, it's seems readily available, you might want to talk to mtmini too, as I recall she's using it as well.  Yes, by all means, have a firm plan in place and take the lead in your conversation with your Dr, hopefully his ego can step out of the way long enough for you to get what you need from him. 

[Guest [ke...]]

Oleander, Hi

 

Just stopping by, I see you increased a bit on the mg, I had to several times and work slowly off the Valium moreso..

I'm not saying what mg I'm at, when I'm off completely, I'll say.

Just stopping by and getting into school will help, plenty of distraction there.. Liquid Valium seems to work with many ppl..

 

Keryn.

[[Ol...]]

Oleander, Hi

 

Just stopping by, I see you increased a bit on the mg, I had to several times and work slowly off the Valium moreso..

I'm not saying what mg I'm at, when I'm off completely, I'll say.

Just stopping by and getting into school will help, plenty of distraction there.. Liquid Valium seems to work with many ppl..

 

Keryn.

 

Thanks Keryn.  Yeah had to go up.  Wasn't happy at first but I'm okay with it now.  I just don't know how long I will be at 8mg.  I don't want to jump too quick.  I think I want to get my feel wet in school first.  I am going to look up liquid valium.  I want to see if it's something I am really into since I have to get more meds from doc anyway.  I would like it to be my last time.  Have a good day!!

 

Oleander

[[Ol...]]

Just a couple days can make a difference.  I am really starting to feel like me again.  I am eating better, sleeping better (6 hours last night) and don't have the anxiety I had.  It really couldn't come at a better time.  I am starting school in 3 days.  I just remember feeling this well after a cut and then wanting to cut again as fast and as much as I thought I could.  That really got me into some trouble.  This time I am going to hold for a bit and get used to feeling good and see if my new school schedule goes okay for me.  Then I will look at the situation and cut accordingly.  Thank you all for all your help.  I hit a wall so fast.  I think I was going about 100 mph.  I am much more relaxed right now.  I hope the sleep situation remains because it really makes the difference for me.  I am usually in bed for about 3-4 hours before I can fall asleep but when I do sleep I only wake up a couple times a night now.  That is a big difference.  I also got rid of the benedryl I was taking a couple nights.  It made me feel jittery one night and I really want to try to do this as naturally as possible.  I stayed away from all OTC meds for the last few days and feel much better.  I have my moments, that's for sure but it is like night and day compared to the last couple weeks.

 

 

Oleander

[[ro...]]

Hi Oleander, my taper buddy:

 

Glad to hear your news about feeling more like yourself and sleeping better.  Yes, you have been one mighty benzo warrior.  But don't worry -- you will get there and be in pretty good shape for your benzo free landing. 

 

I had to updose on ambien back in July.  I had tapered down to 2.5 mg. ambien and then had a horrible nite.  My sister was coming into town for a week long visit.  I updosed to 5 mg. ambien and after she left, I started to taper down to 3.75 mg. then back to where I was (2.5 mg.).  I must say I didn't have any trouble tapering to 1.25 mg. and then off.  Many have had to updose, hold, and then start back down again.  I think you were wise to updose and get stable again.  Your nursing studies will take you very far and so important that you have confidence and comfort to resume school again. 

 

I wish you more continued good days ahead.  You will be one heck of a great nurse!!

 

Kudos to you and my hat's off.

 

Rocko

[[Ol...]]

Hey taper buddy!!

 

I remember being on Ambien.  If I can remember correctly I went up to 10 mg I think at one point before I got off of it.  I didn't know you had to taper it, of course with my docs.  So I c/t it but I guess it was okay because it wasn't working much anymore and that might have been the start of my benzo nightmare.  I really want to wake up from my nightmare for good.  I really hope this is the year.  I can understand going up if you have someone visiting.  It's stressful and you are so busy.  It can just be too much.  Glad you were able to get off of that.  It is so funny, almost everyone I know has taken Ambien and Xanax.  But they can just take it for a few nights of bad sleep or a plane ride.  I did have a lab partner in chemistry and anatomy/physiology who took 2mg Xanax.  She was applying to nursing schools and had to take a drug test so she stopped taking them.  She found out after a couple days she couldn't do it.  They weren't looking for those drugs so she got in but she never said that it scared her that she could not stop.  That kind of freaked me out because I was tapering off during that time.  I didn't share that info with her.  I guess because I was applying to some of the same schools and just didn't want her to have that information.  It is super competitive to get into a good bachelor's nursing program in Chicago.  I don't really share this with many people.  My immediate family and one friend knows a bit about it.  It's really hard to explain because I am the person my friends go to with any medical problem, what a laugh!!!  I had no idea what was going on with myself!  Boy did I have a wake up call.  I am on 8mg but I will be back down again.  I decided to go down 1mg for a bit every 2 weeks or so as long as I am feeling okay. I am feeling so much better each day.  It's amazing what a week can do.  I hope the next cut is okay.  My first semester I have a few liberal arts classes thrown in so I won't be touching too many patients.  It will be tough but probably my easiest semester.  I am just counting down the days. 3 left!!

 

Thanks for the kudos.  It will be a longer road then expected but will be worth it in the end.  I can't wait to say BENZO FREE someday!!

 

By the way, I got a blog.  Boring name, just called Oleander's Blog.  Just wasn't feeling creative.