The Klonopin Klub#2

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Coyote,

 

How are you feeling today?  I know you mentioned you were weary today. 

 

TRY

[[ca...]]

Good morning to ALL and welcome to newer folks. 

 

Tapering continues for many buddies, but there is hope, no matter how crappy or harrowing the symptoms. In our own time frame, we recovery.

 

Nomo, Thanks for the testimonial photo of the guy jogging with the tire. Unbelievable. Made me laugh because I thought, does he not know the dogs are supposed to be in front of the sled?  It is admirable that you are still out there power walking. Whatever it takes. I'll venture to say that most people not in withdrawal don't skillfully practice how to be with present circumstances. And here we are, doing it every single day, under adversity, for months to years.

 

For the past few days I've been relatively pain free. Relatively is the operative word. Rarely do I feel like I have any leftover symptoms from being on Klonopin. Though, the underlying one is increased sensitivity to psychological stress, physical pain, and anxiety from fluctuating hormones. Those are biggies, but it so much easier to put them in context—versus the unpredictability during withdrawal.

 

Frankly, I find it apalling how many woman are put on benzos during hormonally volatile mid-life years. Doctors have got to wake up!

 

There is wreckage from the past few years, and I may share about it on another BB thread, maybe a success story, ironically. I've been very sad lately seeing what remains in my relationships, of my capabilities, previous plans, and dreams. Personal change has been wrought, and I am trying to understand where to go with it. I've been purging belongings once again, and feel lighter. I did volunteer work yesterday using my plant and pest science training and computer skills. I was greeted and thanked by the administrators, and appreciation feels so good! Meaningful activities and connections in the world are at the heart of things for me. Withdrawal largely took that away from me, except in the BB world.

 

I'm spending less time here like many others who have jumped. It's inevitable. I care very deeply about the friends I've met here. I won't be far away. I still feel tethered.

 

Hugs to CD, WR, Nomo, Bstrong, Gilster, free me, rain, coyote lake, TRY, Maya, My Mana, Liberty, Ryuuka, Onedayatatine, Benzogirl, Burnedout, NewGirl....((ALL))!

Keep the faith, my friends.

Bennie

 

Bennie,

I  understand the feeling of sadness, and I think part of it for me is being on the other side of mid-life.  No one prepares us for this part of human development.  And sadly, we live in a youth worship society once we become a certain age, we are no longer of value.  As much as I know this is BS and remind myself not to buy into most of our culture's paradigms, I get seriously caught in this one. 

 

However, this is an important part of human development.  Carl Jung is probably the most well known for seeing this time of life as critical. 

 

I don't know, it all sounds good in theory, but the fact remains.  This is a time in our development when the lines of past, present, and future seem to fade and we become acutely aware that we have lived most of the years we will live on this planet.  Is there anything more sobering than that?  Now add the acute awareness of going through what we are all going through.  It's pretty hard to go through this unconsciously - we are aware of everything, which is of course a double edged sword, a blessing and a curse.  It's so hard to hold onto the kind thought that this process is happening for a reason or this is a great learning experience. 

 

I take solace in the fact that other human beings - much much smarter than I - pondered and struggled with these philosophical questions.  This is not new in the human experience.  Nor is the frantic avoidance of these questions. 

 

I'm so weary today.

 

Hold on with your hearts Warriors!  ❤️

Coyote, pretty deep analogy there but must admit it is kind of where my train of thought has actually been the last couple of years, thought it was just me ?  On another note I think this type of thinking is very common as I had ran into a long lost friend in the spring fishing and we talked a bit and I learned His older Brother had pasted on so I gave my condolences and His reply was Quote- Weeds & Wild Flowers brother ! Weird that Maya mentioned seeds hummm ! Coyote, you must be some type of Teacher maybe a Professor? Be well ( ALL ) Huggs ~CD

[[Tr...]]

Nothing like a mid-life crisis and benzo wd.  I'll be 50 in October, never thought I would be so lost at this point in my life.  Too many "what if's".

 

 

TRY

 

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I just scrolled down and boy, do I ever agree with my buddies.

 

Try, I turned 50 in June , 8 months into the taper, after 12 years on K and Effexor. Coyote, yes, the lines of past, present and future are all intersecting right now.  There has been a lot of grieving, a lot of waking up out of a coma, or walking into the bright light after years in prison kinda feeling.  I think it is a gift that we are so aware of time and reality.  I also think it is a much more severe shock due to our heightened sensitivities and all the chaos inside.  For me, as you described, Bennie,[/b]  it has been jarring to look around and wonder what I will do with my days now and as I get better.  What is left that is good in the relationships that survived.  Yeah.  Step forward gently.  Give up any lingering sense of wanting to impress anybody or myself.  I'll find a more authentic way to live.

 

I have been reading a little about the "second half of life," meaning after your 50's.  When I feel better maybe I will remember to post about it.  Got my period this morning  after 2 months again.  Hit like a truck.  Maybe that is why I felt so tired the last few days.  I have the headache to go with all the rest.  Cried a lot this morning.  Shit storm is really the right  word.

 

CD, "Weeds and Wildflowers, Brother!"  (((Huggs.))  Maya, I am a seed!!  Thanks!  Gilster, Praying you get through the dinner .  MissB glad to hear you are feeling okay.  I hope the personal stuff improves.

 

Bennie, you have mentioned how difficult things are personally at home.  I hope there is some space soon for gentle communication, and if not, courage. 

 

Burned,  I hope you are doing okay and getting some good rest and windows.

 

Hope, Hope, HOPE!! 

Nomo.

 

[[li...]]

Considering that cannabis oil ...

 

Will it suppress adrenaline and cortisol rushes in the early morning that may wake me up ?

MM prescriptions are tough, 'not the indication' (medical bureaucracy) but I can buy cannabis oil without THC without problems. Anything in particular to watch out for ?

[[Bu...]]

Hi all,

 

Liberty:  not sure if cannabis oil/CBD oil suppresses adrenaline or cortisol-I would have to research that.  I would try to buy some from a reputable company that will answer any questions you may have.  Research and compare different places that you are considering buying from.

 

Coyote:  very profound post-got me thinking about what's really important from now on and what isn't so much anymore.  Health and happiness are right up there in importance for me now.  Hope you get a window to help ease your weariness.

 

Maya:  Loooved the seed quote-indeed.  Glad you are having a better week

 

Gilster:  hope your dinner went well and you were able to enjoy it

 

Nomo:  "a more authentic way to live" indeed!  Mid-life, illness, loss and benzo withdrawal cut right through the chaff for sure

 

Try, Bennie, CD:  hope you all are doing ok today

 

I've had better days; little things sending me into panic and have bad upper-right-quadrant abdominal pain into my back.  Hope this pain goes away after recovering from the benzos and isn't related to previous problems...ugh 

 

Take care k klubbers 

[[Tr...]]

Hi all,

 

Liberty:  not sure if cannabis oil/CBD oil suppresses adrenaline or cortisol-I would have to research that.  I would try to buy some from a reputable company that will answer any questions you may have.  Research and compare different places that you are considering buying from.

 

Coyote:  very profound post-got me thinking about what's really important from now on and what isn't so much anymore.  Health and happiness are right up there in importance for me now.  Hope you get a window to help ease your weariness.

 

Maya:  Loooved the seed quote-indeed.  Glad you are having a better week

 

Gilster:  hope your dinner went well and you were able to enjoy it

 

Nomo:  "a more authentic way to live" indeed!  Mid-life, illness, loss and benzo withdrawal cut right through the chaff for sure

 

Try, Bennie, CD:  hope you all are doing ok today

 

I've had better days; little things sending me into panic and have bad upper-right-quadrant abdominal pain into my back.  Hope this pain goes away after recovering from the benzos and isn't related to previous problems...ugh 

 

Take care k klubbers 

 

Burned, just wanted to say Hi. 

 

Hope things ease up soon.

 

TRY

[[Bu...]]

Thank-you and for you too Try 

[[Be...]]

 

Bennie, you have mentioned how difficult things are personally at home.  I hope there is some space soon for gentle communication, and if not, courage. 

 

 

I could use both, thank you...

 

I'm tired. Aches have gone. Now I have D in the throne room. Lovely. PMSing. Right behind you, Nomo. Glad you got your cycle. Please don't chase the tire guy when your days are imminent. It's OK to take a break. 

 

Burned, I hear you about upper right quadrant pain. Since benzos do a number on the muscles, that could be part of what's going on.

 

FWIW, I can't imagine anyone going through what we have, and NOT hitting the reset button on life with a very different perspective and commitment to living it more awake.

 

Gilster, hope YOU are doing OK.

 

Bennie

[[On...]]

Does it make a difference if you get Clonazepam vs Klonopin? I just realized tonight that my pharmacy keeps changing my refill to Clonazepam. Some months I had K and some months C.  I just thought of this now, and haven't been tracking the changing meds in my journal to compare with my wd symptoms. Still in a wave and a mess.

[[Be...]]

Does it make a difference if you get Clonazepam vs Klonopin? I just realized tonight that my pharmacy keeps changing my refill to Clonazepam. Some months I had K and some months C.  I just thought of this now, and haven't been tracking the changing meds in my journal to compare with my wd symptoms. Still in a wave and a mess.

 

I would say this makes a difference. In manufacturing, there is more consistency in the amount of drug that is in a branded drug; and more fluctuation in percentage of drug with generic, plus variation in filler. For this reason, docs will right DAW (dispense as written) on the Rx when they deem it important to stick with branded, otherwise the pharmacist has the right to give generic. If the pharmacy is out of generic, they might substitute for brand K, or another generic. I used to get Qualitest from the pharmacy but was switched to Mylan when the pharmacy switched; I did feel a difference. Many of us insist on sticking with one manufacturer. I suggest you do the sane.

 

The average weight of each same sized pill (branded K versus generic clonazepam) is likely different (you'd have to weigh each type to compare) and for the above reasons mentioned, you might have a glitch in your taper—more or less drug with each Rx change. Hard to know to what degree this makes a difference in your wave.

 

Just to ask the obvious, are you getting the same sized pill each month? You might check that your scale is also calibrated properly, and there is not a dying battery issue.

 

Best, Bennie

 

[Guest [Gi...]]

Good morning all,

I made it through dinner last night.Actually, it went better than I thought it would.My daughter enjoyed it so that is what matters the most. I am ok and getting through  morning anxiety . Have been having lots of hot flashes.

Nomo and Bennie, I hope that your lady time gets better. Hang in there and be gently with yourself.

Coyote and CD,

I believe that most here are 50+ . We still have many years to enjoy. We are going to get to the other side of this ordeal.

I hope that everyone has as decent of a day as possible. Looking forward to cooler weather.

Gilster

[[Bu...]]

Morning,

 

Gilster:  glad the dinner went well

 

Bennie:  sorry you are having D.  I used to get that during really painful periods-think it was hormonal issues.  Hope you feel better.  I'm so scared about the URQ pain and hope it's more the withdrawal and not previous issue.  So crazy to say hoping its the drug causing it...ugh  :'(  Really hurting today.

 

Hope everyone here has an ok day

[[Tr...]]

Hi All,

 

Keeping this short, feeling like I'm on space mountain.  So tired of feeling disconnected.  Very scary feeling. 

 

Stay Strong,

TRY

[[Bu...]]

Hang in there Try-sending you some hugs 

[[Tr...]]

Hang in there Try-sending you some hugs 

 

Thank you Burned,  send some your way too. 

[[...]]

  Burned, hang in there.  I hope it is the drug too.  Something tells me it very likely is.

 

  Try, sorry you are feeling so disconnected.  That and fear are the two biggest withdrawal induced sx for me.  Hoping yours leaves soon.  Distract with anything that works.

 

Gilster, Yay for your dinner victory!  It feels so great when the kids have a "normal," time with us!

 

Morning, Bennie!  Hope you get though this week alright.

 

OneDay, hang in there.  Things change all the time. 

 

Speaking of changes, yesterday I was really not seeing much hope.  I woke up at 1 am feeling Very Normal or maybe even Better than Normal.  WOW.  I fell back asleep around 2:30 am.  Morning hell call hit at 4, but not as hellish.  I walked (yep, I did, Bennie   Gotta burn off the fear in the a.m.  it seems,) and I had none of the exhausted pushing a brick wall of day last week.  Muscles are NOT clenched for first time in weeks.  This is INEXPLICABLE.  Not sure I would call this a window.  I have lots of withdrawal sx but just not the horrible stuff.  I dunno.  Maybe it IS a window.  I am just thankful.  Things can change so quickly.  Yesterday I truly was dark and desperate.  Today is a huge difference.

 

Hang in there guys.  Tonight or tomorrow or the next day the thing that scares you most can just disappear.  It's a marathon, so I am pacing myself, too.

 

HOPE to you all!!

 

Nomo

 

 

[[Bu...]]

Try:  Thank-you 

 

Nomo:  Thank-you, too-glad you are feeling better today 

[[On...]]

Does it make a difference if you get Clonazepam vs Klonopin? I just realized tonight that my pharmacy keeps changing my refill to Clonazepam. Some months I had K and some months C.  I just thought of this now, and haven't been tracking the changing meds in my journal to compare with my wd symptoms. Still in a wave and a mess.

 

I would say this makes a difference. In manufacturing, there is more consistency in the amount of drug that is in a branded drug; and more fluctuation in percentage of drug with generic, plus variation in filler. For this reason, docs will right DAW (dispense as written) on the Rx when they deem it important to stick with branded, otherwise the pharmacist has the right to give generic. If the pharmacy is out of generic, they might substitute for brand K, or another generic. I used to get Qualitest from the pharmacy but was switched to Mylan when the pharmacy switched; I did feel a difference. Many of us insist on sticking with one manufacturer. I suggest you do the sane.

 

The average weight of each same sized pill (branded K versus generic clonazepam) is likely different (you'd have to weigh each type to compare) and for the above reasons mentioned, you might have a glitch in your taper—more or less drug with each Rx change. Hard to know to what degree this makes a difference in your wave.

 

Just to ask the obvious, are you getting the same sized pill each month? You might check that your scale is also calibrated properly, and there is not a dying battery issue.

 

Best, Bennie

 

Thanks so much for your reply. I knew it! Darn, I have to keep learning new things after going through months of pain and panic attacks. The last month's rx the tablets were bigger so I had to scrape more off. I check my scale with the weight provided each time and it seems to be working fine. I got a new battery a month ago. I will make sure each month that I am taking Klonopin not C, and from the same manufacturer. Thank you so much for helping me!

[[Be...]]

Does it make a difference if you get Clonazepam vs Klonopin? I just realized tonight that my pharmacy keeps changing my refill to Clonazepam. Some months I had K and some months C.  I just thought of this now, and haven't been tracking the changing meds in my journal to compare with my wd symptoms. Still in a wave and a mess.

 

I would say this makes a difference. In manufacturing, there is more consistency in the amount of drug that is in a branded drug; and more fluctuation in percentage of drug with generic, plus variation in filler. For this reason, docs will right DAW (dispense as written) on the Rx when they deem it important to stick with branded, otherwise the pharmacist has the right to give generic. If the pharmacy is out of generic, they might substitute for brand K, or another generic. I used to get Qualitest from the pharmacy but was switched to Mylan when the pharmacy switched; I did feel a difference. Many of us insist on sticking with one manufacturer. I suggest you do the sane.

 

The average weight of each same sized pill (branded K versus generic clonazepam) is likely different (you'd have to weigh each type to compare) and for the above reasons mentioned, you might have a glitch in your taper—more or less drug with each Rx change. Hard to know to what degree this makes a difference in your wave.

 

Just to ask the obvious, are you getting the same sized pill each month? You might check that your scale is also calibrated properly, and there is not a dying battery issue.

 

Best, Bennie

 

Thanks so much for your reply. I knew it! Darn, I have to keep learning new things after going through months of pain and panic attacks. The last month's rx the tablets were bigger so I had to scrape more off. I check my scale with the weight provided each time and it seems to be working fine. I got a new battery a month ago. I will make sure each month that I am taking Klonopin not C, and from the same manufacturer. Thank you so much for helping me!

 

I would try to determine the difference in average gram weight of both types of pills, if you have any spares. Weigh 15 of your current pills individually and divide the total weight by 15. The answer is the average gram weight of the pill. Share that info and we may be able to troubleshoot further. Is it a .50 mg tablet? Honestly, withdrawal sucks and you may not feel markedly better until your dose is slowly lowered. Hang in there.

[Guest [Gi...]]

Hi friends,

I second your comment Bennie, "withdrawal sucks"!!!!!!! Man oh man this is tough. I made the mistake to try a detox supplement this weekend because I know that my body is full of toxins. It is a great product that many people have taken with great success ,but their bodies are normal. Mine is not. I had no idea how bad it would ramp up sxs. I had the worst nightmare last night also which has caused my anxiety to ramp up. I am going to help my daughter in law with some projects this week. I need to stay busy. Hopefully, this horrid feeling will level out.

I am hoping everyone has a decent day. I am praying for everyone here daily. As Bliss says, "This too shall pass".

In Solidarity, Gilster

[[Bu...]]

Morning all,

 

Just a quick post and question:  I punctured my finger over the weekend on an old staple in an old/dusty picture frame.  It wasn't bad, bled a drop and I washed it off and put Neosporin on it.  It seems ok today.  My concern is that I think my last tetnus shot was 10 plus years ago and may need another.  I think I'm in or near acute withdrawal and worry about getting a tetnus shot right now...I worry about any weird reactions...  Any ideas, thoughts would be appreciated

[[NY...]]

Morning all,

 

Just a quick post and question:  I punctured my finger over the weekend on an old staple in an old/dusty picture frame.  It wasn't bad, bled a drop and I washed it off and put Neosporin on it.  It seems ok today.  My concern is that I think my last tetnus shot was 10 plus years ago and may need another.  I think I'm in or near acute withdrawal and worry about getting a tetnus shot right now...I worry about any weird reactions...  Any ideas, thoughts would be appreciated

 

Hi Burned.  I wouldn't worry about tetanus - what you described is extremely low risk (the rusty staple would have to contain soil contaminated with tetanus, and wounds associated with tetanus are generally deep).  A good wash + neosporin should be more than fine. 

 

Big hug,

WR

 

 

 

 

[[Bu...]]

Thanks WR    I worry more about a weird reaction to the tetanus shot right now than anything from the staple.  How are you doing?

[[NY...]]

Thanks WR    I worry more about a weird reaction to the tetanus shot right now than anything from the staple.  How are you doing?

 

Yeah, I'd just forgo the shot if in your shoes.

 

I'm doing okay, thanks.  We spent the weekend upstate with a large group of friends and had a great time.  That said, I'm an introvert by nature, and more so since 'this' all began.  It's nourishing to spend time with friends, but after three days, I'm more than ready for some solo/home-front time. 

 

I notice the board are slow, so feel free to PM me anytime. I know the end of taper & acute can be rocky/lonesome/scary at times. 

 

Love and hugs,

WR