why cant she just pull herself together and go to work

[[Be...]]

I have been to so many hospitals they dont get me because i am not depressed. They tell me there is no way i can feel like this 24/7 or i should be happy the sun ist shining.

This is my day.... 3 am panic feeling and attacks until 9 am,

Black sadness, suicidal and fear times 100 until 6pm, anxiety until 11pm,

12Pm until 3 am patches of 10 minutes hell sleep.

I can not do this anymore, i am so afraid.

Nevermind you have all done what you could

[[lo...]]

dangers of benzodiazepnies part 2: http://youtu.be/OWHKri71qaE

 

dangers of benzodiazapenes part 1: http://youtu.be/q2iZQ9tVSAUHello Benzomama & German Girl

 

Hello Benzomama

 

I wonder if these video clips might give you some more understanding of the effects of the drug, Ativan.  They are a BBC TV documentary broadcast many, many years ago.  You may have seen them before.

 

I don't think they would be good for GG to watch. I found them upsetting and they made me very angry. These drugs should be banned.

 

I was very struck by the man who dscribed his experience of coming off Ativan. He said the terror was worse than fighting in World War 2, worse than being machine gunned. He said that was "normal" fear.  That really helped me to "understand" what you must be going through.

 

Your doctors should be told that the problems with Ativan have been known for decades in the UK. The only reason it was not banned was because too many people were already addicted to it.

 

I can't say anthing that will help, I know. Just wanted to say many people are thinking of you both and praying for your recovery, German Girl.

 

I am sure your short term usage of the drug will mean you make a good recovery if you can just hang on and not give up.

 

Hugs, my friend

 

LF 

[[Mo...]]

I could scream how far behind Germany and Austria are. Wish i could start feeding

them Ativan. I' love to become a Benzo che guevera.

 

GG, mach weiter, LF is right, it will come to an end.

[[lo...]]

Hi Claudia

 

I amended my post while you were posting!!

 

Guten Morgen, meine Freundin!!

 

Hugs

 

LF 

[[Mo...]]

Hi Claudia

 

I amended my post while you were posting!!

 

Guten Morgen, meine Freundin!!

 

Hugs

 

LF 

 

Guten Morgen LF, great post , hugs back and thank you. :smitten:

[[Be...]]

I am so horrffied every second and so scared of wjat is next. I cant do this anymore and those feelings will not be gone in hospizla. I cant do this for another 1-9 months. It is not possible. It just isnt.

[Guest [Or...]]

I am so horrffied every second and so scared of wjat is next. I cant do this anymore and those feelings will not be gone in hospizla. I cant do this for another 1-9 months. It is not possible. It just isnt.

 

It IS possible! You have already done 9 months. Just hang in there, GG.

[[Be...]]

I ust talked to a helpline, ian in bristol. He said it geta worse before it gets better and not to expect much before a year........f@#%. But he says everyone heals. Everyone. Good lord. I wish one of you were here. I am really going mental.

I hate this so much!!!!!!! I am so scared i will be a rare one and being in this over 2 years! Because of 10 weeks use.

[[Mo...]]

I ust talked to a helpline, ian in bristol. He said it geta worse before it gets better and not to expect much before a year........f@#%. But he says everyone heals. Everyone. Good lord. I wish one of you were here. I am really going mental.

I hate this so much!!!!!!!

 

So glad you spoke to Ian, he knows a lot , you can trust what he says.

i hate it as well, so sick of it, wish there was a place where all of us could go

through it together, would be much easier.

Lets keep going GG, you with your mental torture, me with my physical one, SHIT.

Was für eine grosse Scheisse das ist, da gibts kein anderes Wort dafuer.

 

 

[[Be...]]

Ja ian ist sehr sehr nett. Ich habe nur angst das ich mehr als 2 jahre brauche. When i am done i will visit you in austria and ian in bristol.

[[Mo...]]

Ja ian ist sehr sehr nett. Ich habe nur angst das ich mehr als 2 jahre brauche. When i am done i will visit you in austria and ian in bristol.

 

Nice one, i just hope by the time you are done , I'll be out of the woods as well.

Ich bin kein Beter, but i might have to start now.

[[Be...]]

i am just so desperate and impatient! i hate it so much i dont know when this will end! i want to work and laugh and live my life! But not like this. i am caged. i want to be free of fear and horror and sadness and suicidal ideation! calm! sleep! be carefree!

i can do it but not at this level if it stays like this all the way there is no way i can do it!

if i am not better by next year april or may my life will not be the same, because i will not have the option to have kids anymore. I will be 36 1/2 and i havent met a man yet!!! and my job will be gone!

I dont mean any offence but it really really scares me mindless and i can not concentrate that there are people sick with wd at over 3 years off....dont know how to calm from that!!!!!

How do I stop thinking so cathastrophic!! it sends me to utter panic and i am not consolable!! what if my negative thinking is keeping me in this? but i am not able to think little miss mary sunshine thoughts. what the hell is if i am keeping myself in this through my own fear???seriously i am not joking. I can not bear one minute every second is a torture. Surely this cant be.....really every second. I can not stop being is dispare ever. I dont know what to do anymore. I am terrffied of other meds. I dont even knkw if they will help me.

[[Wo...]]

I ust talked to a helpline, ian in bristol. He said it geta worse before it gets better and not to expect much before a year........f@#%. But he says everyone heals. Everyone. Good lord. I wish one of you were here. I am really going mental.

I hate this so much!!!!!!! I am so scared i will be a rare one and being in this over 2 years! Because of 10 weeks use.

 

So he is not talking then from he's own experience of withdrawal and healing, he is talking based on the thousands he has helped throughout the years

 

I suppose then your not so worried that you will heal as such it's more the worry and despair of how long you will be left like this before you do finally and fully heal??

 

From what I heard Ian had a terrible withdrawal and long recovery and that's why since he has dedicated he's life to it, speaks for itself

 

Like East said as a 'Nurse' she would never have believed withdrawal existed only for she went through it herself, but she did and she survived so we will too GG

 

We got to survive this as life is beautiful from what I remember and like you I want it to be beautiful again and I want to finish all the things I started and get back all the things I lost, it's personal war

[[Be...]]

Yes the time and that i do not know how to get through the day. Every single single second is a torture. I suffer every single secons i want to scream and cry. I am so terriffied every minute of the day.......it is hard to explain.

See my post above. My state is not tolerable anymore, i cry for hours amd hours and hours. There is nothing that can calm me ever. I am in utter despair all of the time. Always. I look at the clock hoping the day is over soon. I am not joking.

[[lo...]]

Hi GG

 

You are not doing anything to keep yourself in this state.  Really you are not.

 

One of my friends married 4 years ago at age 40 and she now has a beautiful son and a beautiful daughter. My mother was nearly 41 when I was born. You still have time. Try not to torture yourself with these thoughts.

Many many women have babies around age 40 and over.

 

I have had unbearable nerve pain and really felt I could not do this any more. It has subsided a little today. It starts at the top of my head and goes down to the tips of my toes. It must be every nerve cell in my body.  :'( :'( :'( It is physical torture. I hate it.  I wanted to scream and cry too.  There are 86, 000, 000, 000 nerve cells in the human body!!?

 

We have to hang on as we don't know if tomorrow may be the day when it eases.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

 

[[Wo...]]

Yes the time and that i do not know how to get through the day. Every single single second is a torture. I suffer every single secons i want to scream and cry. I am so terriffied every minute of the day.......it is hard to explain.

See my post above. My state is not tolerable anymore, i cry for hours amd hours and hours. There is nothing that can calm me ever. I am in utter despair all of the time. Always. I look at the clock hoping the day is over soon. I am not joking.

 

I was the same GG at your time off but I seldom cry anymore, my state now is just DP DR anxiety and fear but all my anxiety and fear is DP DR related

 

Months 6-10 I cried non stop everyday for the entire 4 months and I thought there is no way in this world can any human being suffer this torture and despair but I did and survived it, my fiancée used to leave for work at 8am with me crying uncontrollable and get home at 7pm and I would still be locked in our room still crying uncontrollably and she nor I can believe looking back how any person can cry that long everyday for 4 months but I did but have never really talked about it out of embarrassment, I was a very successful businessman with a number of pubs and clubs before this and I lost the lot 6 months in to withdrawal as I could no longer function, I lost our dream home in the country with all the trappings of material wealth and cried the day I had to sell my Porsche just to pay bills so I've lost so so much but I'm still here and I intend once well enough to get it all back..

 

So if I can survive all that stress as well as going through severe withdrawal then you will survive also

[[Be...]]

yes you sound like me woofs, i seriously can not stop crying!! I dont have Dr or DP or at least i dont think i do. I just feel everything is scary and unreal when i am outside but i suspect that is my fear.

 

I just am devastated that these pills are controlling my future! i should be out there looking for a man! since mine left me in this ordeal! i dont want to have kids at 40 because some pills has decided to.....

my not wanting every minute of the day is, because i want the day to be over quick so time passes faster. But the mornings which start at 3 am are out of this wordl horriffic. The terror sets in. I cant even believe the brain is capable or producing such feelings. I dont know what the hell it is! its so scary. my therapist said to me dont be scared it is just a feeling, but she has no idea. i think dealing with common anxiety is much easier. i never had anxiety so i dont know. but this is not anxiety it is PURE TERROR!!

 

I live near the town where porsche is from. i miss my work, my friends (they think i am insane), i told them i have a severe trauma, i miss holidays, going to parties, dinner, barbeques, seeing my parents smile at me. i cry when i see my dad, he is hurting so much. he doesnt get this at all and thinks i am doing this to myself, today he even said, this must be fun for me and i want to be sick...... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

 

nobody should ever go through this ordeal!! dont get me wrong! but myslef and woofs we only took this shit for a few weeks it cant be right!!

[[Mo...]]

Oh dear, so sad :'( and both of you were short term on Lorazepam, its criminal.

[[Be...]]

After a operation i was given diazepam 2-3 days. Would this affect me now?

No use in asking right? Cant change it anyway

[[Mo...]]

After a operation i was given diazepam 2-3 days. Would this affect me now?

No use in asking right? Cant change it anyway

 

nope, watching the BBC video on Ativan made me

mention it, stop worrying please.

[[Be...]]

Hä? Verstehe den satz nicht. 

It was a few years ago.

[[Mo...]]

Hä? Verstehe den satz nicht. 

 

 

Ich versteh jetzt nur mehr Bahnhof, das video , welches LF gepostet hat.

[[Be...]]

Achso. I thought you answered if it harmed me thst i was given diazepam a few years back. If this is affecting me now.

[[Wo...]]

Achso. I thought you answered if it harmed me thst i was given diazepam a few years back. If this is affecting me now.

 

I think nearly every adult in the world that has ever had a hospital procedure has been given Diazepam unknown to them, if you go to A&E here and you have any sort of stress and trauma from what ever reason your there they give everyone Diazepam to calm them down unknown to them

 

I only found this out recently from a friend who is a chemist in a local hospital

 

I had 3 operations in the past where I know now I was giving diazepam but it never effected me back then but there is a big difference between 20mg for a one off procedure and taking it every day for 2 weeks!!

 

What's gone is done its what's now that matters

[[Wo...]]

yes you sound like me woofs, i seriously can not stop crying!! I dont have Dr or DP or at least i dont think i do. I just feel everything is scary and unreal when i am outside but i suspect that is my fear.

 

I just am devastated that these pills are controlling my future! i should be out there looking for a man! since mine left me in this ordeal! i dont want to have kids at 40 because some pills has decided to.....

my not wanting every minute of the day is, because i want the day to be over quick so time passes faster. But the mornings which start at 3 am are out of this wordl horriffic. The terror sets in. I cant even believe the brain is capable or producing such feelings. I dont know what the hell it is! its so scary. my therapist said to me dont be scared it is just a feeling, but she has no idea. i think dealing with common anxiety is much easier. i never had anxiety so i dont know. but this is not anxiety it is PURE TERROR!!

 

I live near the town where porsche is from. i miss my work, my friends (they think i am insane), i told them i have a severe trauma, i miss holidays, going to parties, dinner, barbeques, seeing my parents smile at me. i cry when i see my dad, he is hurting so much. he doesnt get this at all and thinks i am doing this to myself, today he even said, this must be fun for me and i want to be sick...... :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

 

nobody should ever go through this ordeal!! dont get me wrong! but myslef and woofs we only took this shit for a few weeks it cant be right!!

 

If everything is scary and 'unreal' when you go out then you must have some DR and maybe DP ?

 

Unreal is what DP DR feels like but I have it indoors as well as outdoors so mine is 24/7