why cant she just pull herself together and go to work

[[Be...]]

I have been thinking of suicide for 5 months straight. I really dont know what to do anymore. There is no option in trying tonns of different meds. Not a life either, but i really cant keep going on. I just cant. I cant. No talking eases the pain. I feel i soon have no more option becauae being safe in hospital doeant make it easier. I really dont know what to do. All option are painful and end in me being dead.

I would buy skin crawling and muscle twichting. I would even give my hair or a hand. Honestly i dont care for my partner, he left me in despair so screw him. I know unrelated sadness it is controlable and distractable. I had thia even when i was still with him. I feel trapped i know of all the lovely things i want to do but cant. A person with real depression doesnt even know that there are nice things. I can absolutley feel thia is not my depression. It is so dark. If it were my depression i wouldnt swticch between utter fear and depression daily. The thing is i wont make it to 12 months like this no way. My mother and father are not helping me in any way. My mum is fed up my dad thinks i am nuts, my mum is so fed up she now says if i think i am damaged, she sas she thinks so too.

I have seen that pattern too, but being this bad at 9 months gradual healing means a long long way to go. The thing is if i react this bad to benzos, i will most likely react bad to a ssri....,and then years and years will be gone..while distracing i want to die. If i drive i look for bridges and cry.....same thing in bed just outside of it. I was better in month 4-5. I dont have to imagine anything i have mental utter terror for 8 months straight. Nevermind what symptom for so long is horrible....

Thanks guys.

[Guest [Or...]]

I have been thinking of suicide for 5 months straight. I really dont know what to do anymore. There is no option in trying tonns of different meds. Not a life either, but i really cant keep going on. I just cant. I cant. No talking eases the pain. I feel i soon have no more option becauae being safe in hospital doeant make it easier. I really dont know what to do. All option are painful and end in me being dead.

I would buy skin crawling and muscle twichting. I would even give my hair or a hand. Honestly i dont care for my partner, he left me in despair so screw him. I know unrelated sadness it is controlable and distractable. I had thia even when i was still with him. I feel trapped i know of all the lovely things i want to do but cant. A person with real depression doesnt even know that there are nice things. I can absolutley feel thia is not my depression. It is so dark. If it were my depression i wouldnt swticch between utter fear and depression daily. The thing is i wont make it to 12 months like this no way. My mother and father are not helping me in any way. My mum is fed up my dad thinks i am nuts, my mum is so fed up she now says if i think i am damaged, she sas she thinks so too.

I have seen that pattern too, but being this bad at 9 months gradual healing means a long long way to go. The thing is if i react this bad to benzos, i will most likely react bad to a ssri....,and then years and years will be gone..while distracing i want to die. If i drive i look for bridges and cry.....same thing in bed just outside of it. I was better in month 4-5. I dont have to imagine anything i have mental utter terror for 8 months straight. Nevermind what symptom for so long is horrible....

Thanks guys.

 

I get you, I do. But, how do you know about medication unless you try it? If you are considering suicide, then that is where you, as a human being, should draw the line and ask for help. Suicide isnt an answer. It shouldnt even BE an option. We dont even know what happens to us when we die. Is it really relief? You shouldnt have to attempt to find out. If an SSRI freaks you out, try Gabapentin. Even if its just on an as-needed basis. There is also Lyrica. I know you are scared to replace one thing with another, but I really would NOT want to hear about your death. I want you already at the finish line when I get there.

 

And, see! You said you were doing better at months 4-5! Thats sometimes where people have their worst months! Yours just came a bit later, thats all. Just take it one day at a time, GG.

[[Be...]]

I was on depakote same as gabapetin, no relief. Its just a ssri is so dangerous too. I dont want a life on meds...its all poison. Month 4-5 were unbearbale too suicide thoughts all day. Just with 4 hrs sleep.

A ssri takes weels until it works, i cant take it another day like this.

[Guest [Or...]]

I was on depakote same as gabapetin, no relief. Its just a ssri is so dangerous too. I dont want a life on meds...its all poison. Month 4-5 were unbearbale too suicide thoughts all day. Just with 4 hrs sleep.

A ssri takes weels until it works, i cant take it another day like this.

 

But you can and you have! I wasnt here when you first got here, but you have said this time and time and again and yet you are still here. You know why? Because there is a part of you, albeit probobly very small right now, that wants to tough it out. Hang in there, GG. You are not alone, and everyone is here to support you when you have a really rough day. Which can be everyday! But please, if you really are considering suicide, get help. I dont care what kind of help it is, but get help.

[[ea...]]

You are getting about four hours of sleep a night? That is wonderful!!!!!!! I would have loved to sleep that much, and I still have nights when four hours would be good.

I agree: if you are  seriously considering suicide, its time to put aside your fears of doctors and get help - in person help.

I do understand your worry about going on an anti depressants. However, if you are that depressed, it actually might be a good idea. There are several that the "benzo wise " doctors suggest.

east

[[Be...]]

I used to get few hours. Now 10 mins. My dad is in coma now.

[Guest [Or...]]

I used to get few hours. Now 10 mins. My dad is in coma now.

 

Then you need to be strong for him and your mom right now

Hang in there!

[[ea...]]

I am very sorry to hear that. But Orionbash is right -  you need to try to remain strong for both your parents. Having this problem could be affecting your sleep, and that is okay. Poor sleep is something a lot of us live with. Stay tough, GG.

east

[[Be...]]

I havent had this problem for over 2 mobthsmy sleep got bad then. There is mo way i will make it like thia now a ssri will most definetly not take away my orning terror. My life is over as i know it. I will be a polydrugged lady lonely for the reat of my life.

[Guest [Or...]]

I havent had this problem for over 2 mobthsmy sleep got bad then. There is mo way i will make it like thia now a ssri will most definetly not take away my orning terror. My life is over as i know it. I will be a polydrugged lady lonely for the reat of my life.

 

No you won't. You are 9 months out. The SSRI takes 6 weeks to kick in. By then you will be 10.5 months and one of your symptoms will be gone. The depression.  As long as you don't take it for more than 6 months you should be fine. SSRIs are not as taxing as benzos. Yes, people have difficulty withdrawing, but most people don't.

[Guest [Lu...]]

You you tried melatonin? It might help you sleep a bit more, and that in turn always helps.

[[Be...]]

I will be some people withdrawing from ssri. I dont know wjat to do anymore really i dont. Not one bit. I cant take it anymore and i need relief now!!!! I wont survive this. Wjat can give me relief now? This is too torturing. I am scared for my life. Honestly i am. Thisis a real bad sitiation my dad is prob not gping to male it and me in complete and utter terror. I dont know wjat to do anyore. This situation is getting out of hand, i need relief asap!!!!

[Guest [Or...]]

I will be some people withdrawing from ssri. I dont know wjat to do anymore really i dont. Not one bit. I cant take it anymore and i need relief now!!!! I wont survive this. Wjat can give me relief now? This is too torturing. I am scared for my life. Honestly i am. Thisis a real bad sitiation my dad is prob not gping to male it and me in complete and utter terror. I dont know wjat to do anyore. This situation is getting out of hand, i need relief asap!!!!

 

GG, why dont you just try an SSRI? If it doesnt work after 4-6 weeks, it will not be hard to withdraw from. Its not the same as benzos. THe people that have difficulty withdrawing from SSRIs are the people that took them for like 4+ years.

[[Wo...]]

I will be some people withdrawing from ssri. I dont know wjat to do anymore really i dont. Not one bit. I cant take it anymore and i need relief now!!!! I wont survive this. Wjat can give me relief now? This is too torturing. I am scared for my life. Honestly i am. Thisis a real bad sitiation my dad is prob not gping to male it and me in complete and utter terror. I dont know wjat to do anyore. This situation is getting out of hand, i need relief asap!!!!

 

GG, why dont you just try an SSRI? If it doesnt work after 4-6 weeks, it will not be hard to withdraw from. Its not the same as benzos. THe people that have difficulty withdrawing from SSRIs are the people that took them for like 4+ years.

 

Sorry, but thsts what everyone said about benzos, I was only on benzos for 2 weeks and they ruined my life. 1 for taking them not knowing what they where and 2 for taking bad advice to go back on and taper off - 2 Weeks!!!!

 

My friends Sister has been trying to taper off Cymbalta for the last seven months after 4 failled CT off it so any drug that changes or interferes with brain chemistry is bad news, but that's just my opinion so don't take it personal, I've had every Antidepressant thrown at me since this hell began and I for one will never take a mind altering drug again and I feel that strongly about it to say so!

 

I know people who had benefit of Antidepressants to begin with but then they turned on them and I lost 2 friends who where on them, although it was never proven the drugs caused it they both told me beforehand they believed the drugs where making them feel wrong but they both could not come off them, I'm not adding this to cause a debate I'm just worried about GG and I think she needs to let her brain heal and suffer it like we all had to do

 

I also believe you are very early off to be given advice on adding new mind altering drugs to an already fragile mind, even if it did remove the depression from what I read the anxiety, fear, despair and terror are causing zag ore distress than the depression

 

GG correct me if I'm wrong ??

[Guest [Or...]]

I will be some people withdrawing from ssri. I dont know wjat to do anymore really i dont. Not one bit. I cant take it anymore and i need relief now!!!! I wont survive this. Wjat can give me relief now? This is too torturing. I am scared for my life. Honestly i am. Thisis a real bad sitiation my dad is prob not gping to male it and me in complete and utter terror. I dont know wjat to do anyore. This situation is getting out of hand, i need relief asap!!!!

 

GG, why dont you just try an SSRI? If it doesnt work after 4-6 weeks, it will not be hard to withdraw from. Its not the same as benzos. THe people that have difficulty withdrawing from SSRIs are the people that took them for like 4+ years.

 

Sorry, but thsts what everyone said about benzos, I was only on benzos for 2 weeks and they ruined my life. 1 for taking them not knowing what they where and 2 for taking bad advice to go back on and taper off - 2 Weeks!!!!

 

My friends Sister has been trying to taper off Cymbalta for the last seven months after 4 failled CT off it so any drug that changes or interferes with brain chemistry is bad news, but that's just my opinion so don't take it personal, I've had every Antidepressant thrown at me since this hell began and I for one will never take a mind altering drug again and I feel that strongly about it to say so!

 

I know people who had benefit of Antidepressants to begin with but then they turned on them and I lost 2 friends who where on them, although it was never proven the drugs caused it they both told me beforehand they believed the drugs where making them feel wrong but they both could not come off them, I'm not adding this to cause a debate I'm just worried about GG and I think she needs to let her brain heal and suffer it like we all had to do

 

I also believe you are very early off to be given advice on adding new mind altering drugs to an already fragile mind, even if it did remove the depression from what I read the anxiety, fear, despair and terror are causing zag ore distress than the depression

 

GG correct me if I'm wrong ??

 

Woofs, I get your point. But, GG has openly admitted she is debating suicide. This isnt a matter of just trying to deal with side effects here, this is suicide! People do commit suicide from benzo withdrawal and it isnt cool. Suicide is never the option. As soon as you bring suicide into the mix, it isnt up for debate. She needs help. You just dont tell someone that is suicidal that taking an antidepressant will further them into hell. This is someones life we are talking about here. SSRIs, unlike benzos, take time to build up in the brain. She will be able to tell early on if it is working or not. She will also be able to taper off very easily at that point if its not working.

[[Be...]]

I feel like woofs but also get what orion is saying. My situation.isnt helping. Dad and boyfriend. I am sireously worried i am doomed for life.....,and have to live in a mental home becauae it is too much torture. I am not able to do anything just lie there. My problem is i have lost and am loosing everything. Adding another drug may worsen everything. I dont k.ow anymore. My situation makes it very hard toughen out. Very!

I have nothing to hope for and look forward to and if 9 montjs is early. Good night. Everyone heals right? Everyone?? Is there even a possibility for me to be ok before 2 years?

[Guest [Or...]]

I feel like woofs but also get what orion is saying. My situation.isnt helping. Dad and boyfriend. I am sireously worried i am doomed for life.....,and have to live in a mental home becauae it is too much torture. I am not able to do anything just lie there. My problem is i have lost and am loosing everything. Adding another drug may worsen everything. I dont k.ow anymore. My situation makes it very hard toughen out. Very!

I have nothing to hope for and look forward to and if 9 montjs is early. Good night. Everyone heals right? Everyone??

 

9 months is not early in recovery when the majority are healed by 12 months out. Most people by 12 months out to two years usually have minor symptoms. If you read what the majority of people say in the protracted section you will see that most of them say, "Im not as bad as I was early on, but my god this is hell!" And thats because they just want some form of relief from their symptoms. They are progressing, its just very slow for them.

 

There is absolutely NO shame in putting yourself into a mental institution. Many, many people on this forum have done it. Many people in life go through a moment where they need help and to be looked after to prevent harm to themselves. GG, there is only so much we on the forum can do to help you. After you mentioned suicide, it became your responsibility to take your life into your own hands. You need to do what is best for you to stay safe. Whether that is just being in the care of doctors, or taking an SSRI, whatever. You cant rely on this forum if you are considering suicide. None of us can give you the help you need.

[[Be...]]

The success stories are all from people who took ages isnt it? 22 months 18 months etc.....i have been there in hospital, they didnt help me at all. I must think what i should do......thanks guys. I am.just worried my brain is altered for life.....

So any in depression thread still.have severe depression 15-18 months out.....i dont know. Never felt like this before.

[[Wo...]]

I feel like woofs but also get what orion is saying. My situation.isnt helping. Dad and boyfriend. I am sireously worried i am doomed for life.....,and have to live in a mental home becauae it is too much torture. I am not able to do anything just lie there. My problem is i have lost and am loosing everything. Adding another drug may worsen everything. I dont k.ow anymore. My situation makes it very hard toughen out. Very!

I have nothing to hope for and look forward to and if 9 montjs is early. Good night. Everyone heals right? Everyone??

 

9 months is not early in recovery when the majority are healed by 12 months out. Most people by 12 months out to two years usually have minor symptoms. If you read what the majority of people say in the protracted section you will see that most of them say, "Im not as bad as I was early on, but my god this is hell!" And thats because they just want some form of relief from their symptoms. They are progressing, its just very slow for them.

 

There is absolutely NO shame in putting yourself into a mental institution. Many, many people on this forum have done it. Many people in life go through a moment where they need help and to be looked after to prevent harm to themselves. GG, there is only so much we on the forum can do to help you. After you mentioned suicide, it became your responsibility to take your life into your own hands. You need to do what is best for you to stay safe. Whether that is just being in the care of doctors, or taking an SSRI, whatever. You cant rely on this forum if you are considering suicide. None of us can give you the help you need.

 

For someone who is very early out well said. I must applaud you on the sincerity of your words and I do agree with your response to me, I am just worried that GG would not cope with any increase in symptoms and SSRI are known to increase things in the beginning before they start to work..

 

If GG can accept that and is prepared to suffer a little worse to get some hopeful relief then she should go for it, anything is better than suicide, and given a choice I'd prefer to try an SSRI than go to hospital and be force fed pills against my will, I know they can't force feed you against your will but if she starts telling them how she feels on here they might section her and then take away her powers to make her own decisions, so if I was GG and I could not take it anymore then trying an SSRI would be the best way to go.. But she could try a relaxer than is non benzo or ATARAX which many on here swear by to take the edge off..

 

There is also a good thread in the supplement forum about Inositol and I have not seen one bad or negative comment about it on the thread yet, think the thread is called Inositil my life saver

 

OB how are you coping so early out? At your time off I was bed bound and in the seventh circle of hell

[Guest [Or...]]

I feel like woofs but also get what orion is saying. My situation.isnt helping. Dad and boyfriend. I am sireously worried i am doomed for life.....,and have to live in a mental home becauae it is too much torture. I am not able to do anything just lie there. My problem is i have lost and am loosing everything. Adding another drug may worsen everything. I dont k.ow anymore. My situation makes it very hard toughen out. Very!

I have nothing to hope for and look forward to and if 9 montjs is early. Good night. Everyone heals right? Everyone??

 

9 months is not early in recovery when the majority are healed by 12 months out. Most people by 12 months out to two years usually have minor symptoms. If you read what the majority of people say in the protracted section you will see that most of them say, "Im not as bad as I was early on, but my god this is hell!" And thats because they just want some form of relief from their symptoms. They are progressing, its just very slow for them.

 

There is absolutely NO shame in putting yourself into a mental institution. Many, many people on this forum have done it. Many people in life go through a moment where they need help and to be looked after to prevent harm to themselves. GG, there is only so much we on the forum can do to help you. After you mentioned suicide, it became your responsibility to take your life into your own hands. You need to do what is best for you to stay safe. Whether that is just being in the care of doctors, or taking an SSRI, whatever. You cant rely on this forum if you are considering suicide. None of us can give you the help you need.

 

For someone who is very early out well said. I must applaud you on the sincerity of your words and I do agree with your response to me, I am just worried that GG would not cope with any increase in symptoms and SSRI are known to increase things in the beginning before they start to work..

 

If GG can accept that and is prepared to suffer a little worse to get some hopeful relief then she should go for it, anything is better than suicide, and given a choice I'd prefer to try an SSRI than go to hospital and be force fed pills against my will, I know they can't force feed you against your will but if she starts telling them how she feels on here they might section her and then take away her powers to make her own decisions, so if I was GG and I could not take it anymore then trying an SSRI would be the best way to go.. But she could try a relaxer than is non benzo or ATARAX which many on here swear by to take the edge off..

 

There is also a good thread in the supplement forum about Inositol and I have not seen one bad or negative comment about it on the thread yet, think the thread is called Inositil my life saver

 

OB how are you coping so early out? At your time off I was bed bound and in the seventh circle of hell

 

I think Benzo withdrawal hurts us where we are most vulnerable. So, while Im not bedbound sick, I have other symptoms that would drive people bonkers. Like, I focus on every single breath that I take all goddamn day until about 5-7pm where the feeling magically disappears and I am OK. Its like the feeling you get in a panic attack where you arent able to breathe, but I have that all day. I just breathe through it, I suppose. lol But yeah, anxiety is really my only symptom that remains. I get the occasional skin crawling, muscle twitches, and other crap. But, I took the meds for anxiety. Actually, I took them for two panic attacks because I didnt want to get them while at work. My anxiety has never been this bad in my life lol. But, in my case, the worst that can happen to me is I pass out for not being able to control my breathing right. So, it doesnt scare me that much. Its more of an annoyance than anything.

 

I guess, overall, Im good at faking it online. But, dont get me wrong...I cry -- a lot. And I have a lot of irrational fears stemming from my anxiety. But, that should be lessed in the next month when I get out of acute. I know you are having one wicked ride, Woofs. But, I applaud you on keeping your cool throughout this process. Especially so long. If I make it that far out and Im still suffering as much as you, I will read your success story for support.

[[Be...]]

That is exactly my worry woofs. Jesus, this is f@# up shit. My dad critical doesnt help. I dont know what to do anymore. Woofs you just sound like there is no chance that i will be well within 12 months or before 2 years. Sometimea i just wonder if i read too much negative stuff which worsen everything.

[[po...]]

from my own experience I can tell you these win't help….

 

Like all antidepressants, SSRIs can cause an increase in suicidal thoughts and behaviors. They also carry a risk for increased hostility, agitation, and anxiety. In adults 65 and older, SSRIs increase the risk for falls, fractures, and bone loss.

 

The SSRIs can also cause serious withdrawal symptoms if you stop taking them abruptly.

[[Wo...]]

That is exactly my worry woofs. Jesus, this is f@# up shit. My dad critical doesnt help. I dont know what to do anymore. Woofs you just sound like there is no chance that i will be well within 12 months or before 2 years. Sometimea i just wonder if i read too much negative stuff which worsen everything.

 

Your doing it again GG - Comparing yourself to me

 

You are you and no one else, most recover within 12 months, some 14-18 months and only a tiny minority take as long as me..

 

Keep telling yourself you will heal so your brain starts to believe it, your telling yourself you won't so that's what your telling your brain to believe, this is how I get through it so you got to start doing the same or you will drive yourself insane!!!

 

If you were not like this before and your medically healthy albeit a little deficient from your bloods then it's the benzos and nothing else, your still in there and you will find the man of your dreams and you will get married and have kids, keep telling yourself this, find your Girl Power from within 👍

[Guest [Lu...]]

Very well said Woofs. GG you could turn a corner at any point. The suffering will end. You've been through so much, your time will come.

[[Be...]]

thank you very very much woofs and lui and all of you

i have to ask this now! it scared me so much

i was paralized with terror and fear for 2 hours. i couldnt move and had hotflashes and rapid heart beat. my feelings were out of this world. is this still normal? i really could not do anything not even talk! this was so terriffying!! It jas happend to me before my dads situation

 

i was perfectly normal before lorazepam perfectly