why cant she just pull herself together and go to work

[[Be...]]

One more question. I am so obsessed with this. What to eat what to take what refs up symptoms ect....will that ever end? Wont one be scared for life doing this and that?

The thing is i was a bulimic which left me being obsessed with food and weight a bit more than a average woman. I could can live with that. I hope i go back to being obsessed with that on not this for life...

[[ea...]]

GG, you aren't the only one here with food issues. I was very heavy most of my life, dieting always but just gained weight. I no longer have this problem - surgery fixed it. In fact now I have to make sure I keep my weight UP. We women are more prone to this stuff, I think.

 

You have to listen to your body. If a certain food revs you up, don't eat much of it. For example, some people find that chocolate makes them hyper. And caffeine. So, they limit their intake.

 

There is no one answer to these questions. Everyone is different. Trust your body, GG.

east

[[Be...]]

I actually ment. If i was a obsessive person before i am worried i will be obsessed with wd after it ends, you know? Always be worried something will bring me back into it food or whatever. Being obsessed with wd the rest of my life....think of it everyday in horror.

[[ea...]]

Youre putting the cart before the horse...projecting worries. Just try to get through this hour, not tomorrow's hours, GG.

east

[[Be...]]

Something new. She can't sit still. Walking up and down. No worries, the apt is big enough

If she tries to sit still she goes crazy. Suggested to take the doggy for a walk but she says she cannot do this for the fear. An she constantly feels like she wants to scream.

 

@east, you are so right. She should take it day by day or hour by hour but she is constantly somewhere in the clouds.

[[Be...]]

I am so freaking terrffied off my head becase barely anyone feels this bad constantly this far out.....i really can not do this anymore...i need this to stop.....

 

 

Gg

[[Wo...]]

I am so freaking terrffied off my head becase barely anyone feels this bad constantly this far out.....i really can not do this anymore...i need this to stop.....

 

 

Gg

 

GG

 

I'm further out and feel bad as you do but you know what I still made it this far and you will too, I want to die everyday just as a feeling but the reality is I want to live more than anything else in this world so I got to beat this shit and get my life back and you got to do the same..

 

It's torture, it's eveil, it's insane, it's imhuman, it's wrong, it's unfair, but I know the more I fight it the worse I feel, I paced for months due to severe akathasia and without any sleep and I still survived, still don't know how but I did the same as everyone else on here, you don't have it any worse I can assure you of that but when your going though it you feel like your the only person in the whole world that feels that way, that's why coming on here helps keep people sane, I know I would not have survived if not for this site and the people on here as I no dea what was happening to me and no one believed me, but your a warrior to have got this far and warriors never surrender!

 

Keep fighting the fight with all you got as life is worth it, listen to East and PJ, they went to hell, survived and climbed their way back and PJ's response assures you of that, don't get me wrong I loose hope many times and worry I will be left like this but if all the thousands and thousands who have been through this site went on to heal then why should me and you be any different..

 

As they say when going through hell keep going as through hell is the only way out, the promised land is up ahead so I hope to see you there soon..

 

Blessings & Best Wishes

 

Woofs

[[Be...]]

thanks for your words woofs!

i can not endure this hell as long as you!! can you sleep now? I know i would feel better if i could sleep but i cant and i am beginning 9 months!! i drove my car to austria yesterday! and just turned around and went back...i dont know why i can drive my car....i should  have stopped by Morreweg

gg

 

:smitten:

[[Wo...]]

thanks for your words woofs!

i can not endure this hell as long as you!! can you sleep now? I know i would feel better if i could sleep but i cant and i am beginning 9 months!! i drove my car to austria yesterday! and just turned around and went back...i dont know why i can drive my car....i should  have stopped by Morreweg

gg

 

:smitten:

 

I though the same GG but I'm still here doing it, I sleep some nights but I average 2-3 hours unbroken, I though I would die from no sleep my first year but I didnt, I'm still here I think!

 

I can only drive places I'm familiar with as my DP DR is still very intense so I get lost very easy but the funny thing is I always find my way home👍

 

It doesn't matter that you did not make it to Austria, the fact that you tried is remarkable in itself.

 

There is many that can't do what you just done at your time out, I never drove my car the first year out as my DR was so bad I could barely see the road, I used to do little drives at night to petrol station or just to give my car a run but that was it and it was always late at night so I'm blown away thst you managed 4 hours, well done 👍

 

We are all proud of you GG

 

You will beat this shit !

 

Woofs

[[Be...]]

good  lord still now so little sleep. the awful thing is i am tired...but i took the ativan for sleep so my sleep was never really good ever. i just dont want to wake up to those cortisol rushes or anxiety or what ever the hell all that is. sometimes i dont even know what i am feeling. fear/anxiety/depression/suicidal, i dont know. I just feel awful. you are a trooper! no offence woofs but i hope i wont be like you so far out because i know i cant endure it like you!

i did make it to austria just turned around at the border.

 

oh god woofs i hope i will make it! you are soooo lucky with your girlfriend! you are in the UK right?

[[Wo...]]

good  lord still now so little sleep. the awful thing is i am tired...but i took the ativan for sleep so my sleep was never really good ever. i just dont want to wake up to those cortisol rushes or anxiety or what ever the hell all that is. sometimes i dont even know what i am feeling. fear/anxiety/depression/suicidal, i dont know. I just feel awful. you are a trooper! no offence woofs but i hope i wont be like you so far out because i know i cant endure it like you!

i did make it to austria just turned around at the border.

 

oh god woofs i hope i will make it! you are soooo lucky with your girlfriend! you are in the UK right?

 

Ya, I'm in the UK

 

I am lucky to have my fiancée but equally your lucky to have your mom as mine has never and will not believe the pills done this to me so we are both lucky we have someone 👍

[[Be...]]

so my test results came in and i have severe deficency in areas that can cause anxiety and depression. I dont know the english words for them.

People saying taking supplements is not good, but if i have a proofen deficiency it would be ok? i am not trying to repair the WD just what i may have anyway, you know what i mean? would be taking it even not in wd. everyone?my thyroid is ok i should increase my dose though because it is a little in the underfunctional area.

my cortisol is OK but my DHEAS is a little high

 

 

ALSO:

 

will i be perfectly normal? not checking in on my conditions condition all the time? or wondering how do i feel/what do i feel? will i just be? like i was before? i will not have to distract or endure something, i will be totally normal? Will i be able to relax and just do nothing? My fear that i am either dperessed or in fear every second doesnt stop. That its not normal. When in windows is it all gone or just better??

Did anyone feel suicidal nearly all of the time??? That is the hardest symptom. It scares me this far out.

I stopped smoking 2 years ago and started again 7 weeks ago maybe thats wjats keeping me bad....i will try to stop again

[[Mo...]]

GG, i have done some research and spoke to my new GP today.

found this, Selenium, ever so important. if there is a deficiency one should

take a supplement.

http://whfoods.org/genpage.php?tname=nutrient&dbid=95

 

if you google , there are more interesting links to it.

[[Be...]]

Heute damit angefangen

[[Mo...]]

Heute damit angefangen

 

super, ich auch.

[[Be...]]

Now i really think it is affecting my wd i started smoking again....shit

[Guest [Or...]]

You drove to the Austrian border? That should be a sign of healing! I remember two months ago your mom was saying that you never left your bed and couldnt help around the house. I would say that healing IS happening for you, but you are only focused on your most prominent symptoms. Which makes sense! But, I would consider that a good thing, no?

[[Be...]]

I wanted to die all the time and didnt feel good one minute. I was driving my car in month 4......and could sleep 4 hrs. I have def worse now and think now the nicotine is doing this.....my sleep now is 20 mins.

 

[[ea...]]

GG, ask your doctor what supplements you should take. Don't do this on your own.

 

Don't beat up on yourself for smoking again. Its great you had quit before - and you can do it again, when you're ready. I don't know if smoking could be making things worse for you. Perhaps someone else will speak up on this.

 

I agree with Orionbash - I think you are healing, and not really seeing it. Im still impressed about all the driving you did!

east

[[Be...]]

My dr. Recommended all the supplements, nothing on my own.

I just read that nicotine raises cortisol and adrenal levels and that since i started again my sleep was worse....but stopping will be worse again. My god. What am i doing. I still feel awful 24/7 and am freaked out about time. Being this bad at 9 months.....scared of years cant get it out of my mind. Why am i freaked out all the time. The suicidal ideation is beating me up. I am either freaked, suicidal or in a dark hole.....never nothing and i dont sleep. In month 4-5 i slept a few hours and felt ok in the evening.

[[Mo...]]

My dr. Recommended all the supplements, nothing on my own.

I just read that nicotine raises cortisol and adrenal levels and that since i started again my sleep was worse....but stopping will be worse again. My god. What am i doing. I still feel awful 24/7 and am freaked out about time. Being this bad at 9 months.....scared of years cant get it out of my mind. Why am i freaked out all the time. The suicidal ideation is beating me up. I am either freaked, suicidal or in a dark hole.....never nothing and i dont sleep. In month 4-5 i slept a few hours and felt ok in the evening.

 

Thats what i thought, you posted it earlier on. am i glad you clarified,

sounded like i gave you some bad advise, i plead not guilty .

[[Be...]]

I cant take this anymore. I really cant. I am not going to do this anymore. I done living my life in hell. Done with enduring my life and not living it. I am not here to distract i am here to live and if i cant i wont. There is no way i can do this for whatever time longer.

[[ea...]]

GG, then you need to go get real, live, in-person help. I am so sorry you're having it so bad right now. But an online forum cannot give you the kind of help you seem to need right now. I know you're scared of hospitals and doctors now, many of us are. But your life IS worth saving!!!

You could also call the "help line" you called in the past. Please do one of these things.

east

[[Be...]]

Being in hospital doesnt relief anything. Just another cage. This can not be like this anymore. They dont understand me. Tellibg then i want to die but i dont....they dont get me.

Sorry

[[ea...]]

In a hospital, you would be safe. That is why we keep bringing it up. They don't  need to "get you" - just watch over you and make sure you don't hurt yourself.

You might be surprised by how much "professionals" actually do get you, even if they don't know about benzos.  Depression and sadness are pretty universal, not exclusive to withdrawal.

I don't think you really want to die, either. But it is going to take work on your part to get through this, and GG, that means distracting yourself, and doing positive things for yourself.

east