why cant she just pull herself together and go to work

[[Be...]]

I am exhausted and do not understand her fear anymore.

We want her to force herself back into life and back to work and into her life......

 

Surely she can just swallow it somehow and get on with it....this has been to long.

 

she is housebound and apparently can not do anything

[[Be...]]

therapy doesnt help her......apparently no therapist gets her...

 

I thought I understand this but I dont.......

 

this is turning into a desaster

[[lo...]]

Hello Benzomama

 

We have not spoken before but I am so very sorry that your daughter is so very ill. It must be so hard on you seeing her this way. I am sure others will have told you that it is not unusual to be very ill for a long time (months, I mean). The very last thing we can do is to pull ourselves together and force ourselves to function normally but I understand your frustration and desperation.

 

I was very ill for six months and bedridden. I live alone. All I did was go to the toilet, get something from the kitchen to eat and have a bath now and then. Even these things were agony. I am still in bed, 10 months now, and am feeling much much better. I was on a benzo for 40 years for epilepsy. My withdrawal symptoms are physical rather than mental but acceptance and patience are the key here plus the belief that things will get better.  These are hard to put into practice but acceptance helps to reduce the stress and frustration. This process cannot be hurried. The brain and body need time to heal.

 

My heart is with you both.

 

LF 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Be...]]

40 years! that is some time.

 

yes many people have explained it to me. I just think that with practice she could start working or doing anything. It just seem so unreal to me. All of this does.

 

It has been 7 months now and she is not getting better

[[lo...]]

Hi BM

 

I know. I never imagined I would be so ill for so long and I thought it would never get better. But it has and I am sure I will get completely better.

 

Your daughter will get better too. It is just so difficult waiting for it to happen.

 

Take care

 

LF

[[Be...]]

thanks, the forum has been us so much help but its so exhausting...especially her being a short termer it is so unreal!

 

i hope and pray she will improve soon!

 

[[lo...]]

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/3d/04/95/3d0495debc8660e36140d02a1df985ca.jpg

 

A hug for you both.

 

Life will get better, you just need to accept it will happen in its own time.  I was very ill in my 20s and rebuilt my life in spite of it.   it is harder to cope when you are young and you think life is passing you by.

 

Now I am doing it again snd it is much easier to deal with.

 

Take care

 

Auf Wiedersehen 

 

LF 

[[Ch...]]

Hi benzo mama

 

I understand your pain and frustration. It seems crazy that we can't just get up and function but that's the hard truth.,we simply can't. I've been mostly bedbound for 5 months. I try so, so hard. Every morning I wake up and think 'today will be different'. I expect to be able to somehow just get on with it but it just doesn't work like that. I was always one of the most glass half full people around. I actually suffered from high anxiety a few years ago and got through it med free. It was tough but I did it by making myself do things however I felt.

 

This doesn't work when you've been affected by meds. I used this approach all the time I was on meds and was having a severe reaction to them. I tried SO hard and pushed myself to go out despite how horrendous I was feeling. It didn't make me feel any better.

 

I even try this in severe acute withdrawal. I made myself to to a shopping centre yesterday and eat in a restaurant despite raging akathisia and horrific withdrawal symptoms. It hasn't done anything at all to improve my condition. Today I'm worse than ever. You simply can't 'distract' from this. You simply can't pull yourself together. Your daughter will be as frustrated as hell and won't be able to understand this either. Eventually things will lift for her.

[[Ch...]]

By the way, she has not long been off depakote. She may be experiencing withdrawal from this too. All these meds can cause lengthy withdrawal.

 

If you look at The Surviving Antidepressants website (is it ok to mention that here?) you will see that people are suffering for ages from taking psych drugs in different classes. Many are unable to function.

[[be...]]

You are a great mom  but no one wants it more than your daughter. I feel so badly for her. It has to be so difficult for you as a mom......I have a daughter and would hate to see her suffer.

[[Be...]]

Thanks all!

 

We are just all very exhausted and very very worried why she is not improving....she is terriffed she is damaged for good. It is also not a option for her to be in this longer than 12 months, even that is her limit. Her mental symptoms are excrushiating everyday, not one day to breath. Many have tried to calm her but it doesnt seem to help.

She fears she is polydrugged and will be like this for 4-6 year reading all the stories on Mad in America.

 

She also fears the Promethazine she was given for 3 weeks because its a neuroleptic.....she is in constant fear and dread and terror. Even if she will feel better someday, this experience will have left its trace for good.

Thanks all 

[[lo...]]

Hi Benzomama

 

I am sorry everything seems so bleak just now. As much as we would like to, none of us can put a time limit on benzo withdrawal. Human beings are capable of enduring so much suffering and surviving. Of course your daughter will be affected by this experience but there is no reason to believe she is permanently damaged.

 

She really would be better not to read stuff which increases her anxiety just now. I play soothing music which helps to calm my brain a little bit. A hot bath relaxes my muscles. Anything that helps the tiniest bit is good. Even if it does not make any difference to how we feel it is better than adding to the anxiety we already feel.

 

I imagine that I have to care for my poor brain cells and choose things to help them get better and avoid things they don't like or make them feel worse.    I am very patient with them as I know they have been through a lot.

Have you support from other members of your family? I do hope so.  You need to look after yourself too.

 

Hugs

 

LF 

 

 

 

It sounds silly,I know, but anything that helps is good

 

 

 

 

[[Be...]]

yes I know there is no time limit to be put on. I just CAN NOT imagine someone suffering for 2 years or so because of 10 weeks of ativan....it us unimaginable.

 

We have the father here too but he doenst understand any of this.

 

thanks for you words

[[ea...]]

Several things come to mind.

First - how old is your daughter???

Why on earth is she reading at "Mad In America?" (!!??!!) For someone who is scared, depressed and perhaps in withdrawal, that kind of "research" should be off limits.

If she is under 18 years old, - I am going out on a limb with this and will try to say it gently - it might be time for you, as her parent, to use a little "tough love." Most people - read, MOST - even in the early parts of a bad withdrawal can get up, and do a couple things around the house. It may be too early for her to have a "real" job, but working around the house will be a distraction for her, it will help YOU, and it will help HER.

I know withdrawal can be rough....Boy, DO I KNOW. And I am not downplaying your daughters issues. But because I HAVE been through a truly epic withdrawal, I can tell you most definitely that your daughter needs to get outside of her head more, off the subject of benzos, psych drugs, withdrawal, etc., and start distracting her mind with other things. More positive things! And you, as her mother, will have to lead the way.

If you don't believe that I know what Im talking about, read my Success Story. I went through hell, utter hell, and survived.

east

[[Be...]]

she is 30+ she just moved home because her boyfriend of 6 years left her he couldnt cope with this anymore.

 

She needs to gget her live together again or she will never be able to find foot in a working world again. We are in Germany things are different here.

 

I know she researches and researches......thats why she is not "allowed" on here anymore......we have to try and change the way she thinks

 

thanks eastcoast

[[ea...]]

If she is living under your roof, she needs to play by your rules. Doing all that "research" is downright dangerous for someone in a fragile state of mind. This has gotten many other people into trouble on this forum. And you need to put your foot down and say NO......Again, there is no reason she cannot get out of bed and help out with chores. I am sorry, but that is how I truly feel.

Yes, there are a very few people who become bedridden from benzo withdrawal. They are a minority. I have noticed, time and time again, that people who force themselves (or have a loved one force them-) to get out of bed and do something seem to do better in the long run. I know it helped me! I KNOW this! I cleaned my house - I did a bad job of it, but the intention was good! I strung beads for months. I groomed my cats within an inch of their nine lives. But I kept busy, and being busy is otherwise called distraction in the world of benzos. Most people here have found that distraction is KEY in our healing...the more we sit and worry, obsess and feel frightened, the worse we feel. Your daughter is no different.....the difference, for her, is that she has someone to "do" for her. I didn't. Well, parents can simply stop "doing" - that is called tough love, and its not easy to do. I am not saying you should be pushing her to find a "real job." It may be too early for that. But you can push her to get herself out of bed, get off the computer, and do something around your house or apartment.

I cannot think of anything worse for someone in withdrawal than to lie around reading horror story after horror story (and not all of them even true!) on the internet! This is playing with fire....real fire.

east

Pardon my bluntness....but I really have seen a lot, going through this, and being on this forum so long.I decided a while back that honesty was going to be one of my weapons against my own darkness.

[[Be...]]

Many people on here before and I have been explaining her the key is disctration. She was good at it for a few months but it really  didnt seem to help her.

 

This is all too crazy. Thanks so much for your support!!

 

we hope to get through this soon enough. She does "only" have a few symtpoms left.

 

Hopefully we are lucky and see big improvement by the end of the year.

 

I wish she would believe she ist permanently damaged.

 

[[pr...]]

I know it's an insanely difficult situation for you because, as an observer, you have no ability to understand what she's going through (assuming it is a matter of withdrawal screwing her up). As a mother, you love her deeply and have the instinct to want to kick her in the butt so she gets out there and makes a better life for herself.

 

To maybe give you some insight into what this is like, consider my story. I'm in my fifth month of recovery and am totally non-functional still during my waves. Before all of this started (April 1, 2014), I was:

 

-a research scientist who worked in the Bioinformatics and Computational Biology industries

-the owner of a very successful business in data analysis

-in the process of starting another company and securing funding from investors

-a professional mixed martial arts fighter

-a whitewater kayaker who competed in filmed-stunt competitions

-former lead singer/guitarist of an alternative rock band (college years)

-former professional rugby player (Hong Kong Rugby Union)

 

. I can promise you that I'm not in any way trying to showboat here. I want you to understand how far I've fallen. I was a very high-functioning individual who loved life and lived it fearlessly, involving myself in all kinds of different activities and circumstances just for the thrill of variety. I was also good at the things that I did.

 

Now? I'm like a helpless child. I'm constantly in a state of terror, physical pain, akathisia, and I literally feel mentally retarded frequently. My short-term memory is shot, my problem-solving abilities are severely compromised, and on many days I'm totally incapable of leaving the house or doing anything except lying down to cry and pray that I'm able to make it through the day without killing myself. Until the withdrawal, I have always been ferociously independent. Hell, I moved out of the house on my own when I was 17 years old and headed to Hong Kong where I didn't know a single soul and would be entirely alone (I wanted to become a fighter). Now I can't do a damn thing for myself and live day to day in psychotic terror and agony. My poor fiance' has to tend to my helpless self and, if it wasn't for my established business helping to pay the bills, we'd have no income coming in whatsoever and I have no clue what would happen.

 

My life has literally been destroyed for the past four and a half months and I am absolutely terrified that I'll never recover.

 

I don't know what your daughter's situation is because I'm not her, but I can tell you from my own experience that there is literally no limit to what these psychoactive drugs can do to you. They can rip apart your very identity and send you into a living hell.

 

The hope that I desperately cling to is the one that she needs: that she will eventually heal; that all of the symptoms are normal and expected for anyone in the same condition; and that the current length of her withdrawal history (7 months in her case) is still relatively early, and people often heal MUCH later on.

[[Ch...]]

Hi pregnen. I recognise you from the other site. I'm Jupiter on that one.

 

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

 

You sound exactly like me. I hope things start to change for you soon.

[[ea...]]

Distraction isn't something you just "do" for a while....you do it constantly. It doesn't have magic properties. It is simply the only way to get ones mind off whatever bad thing you are thinking and feeling. It must be done constantly, to reap a benefit. I still use this, every minute, every day. Im doing it right now!

When we feel so very uncomfortable, distraction does help. Nothing dramatic - it just helps the minutes and hours pass by without pushing us deeper into despair. It gets our minds off unpleasant sensations. It keeps us from a deepening depression. And its something that you, as mother, can really encourage.

east

[[lo...]]

Hi benzomama

 

East has given you lots of good advice. I am in bed mostly because I feel very ill when I get up and do anything. Despite this, I keep myself occupied almost all of the time. I avoid things which are too serious or depressing. I watch comedies on tv instead of documentaries. I listen to the news a little but not as I did before benzo withdrawal. Anything that lifts my spirits is good, anything that has the opposite effect is best avoided.

 

You say your daughter has only a few symptoms left. That is wonderful. She is getting better. Hang onto that.

 

Getting back into work is difficult here too because of the recent recession. The good thing is that many people from all levels are experiencing or  have experienced unemployment.  It is therefore no longer unusual. The recession is over and things are improving so more jobs ard being created. I firmly believe that things eventually work out.

Losing a couple of years out of your life is devastating but in the grand scheme of life only a detour. Keep positive and ever hopeful.

 

LF

[[ea...]]

Some good thoughts, Lookingforward. I have been looking for part time work recently and its so far a NO GO. I am over qualified for most jobs and UNDER qualified for the rest. Or too old, though they wont say that. It is discouraging. And its one reason I suggested her daughter work around the house, not at a regular job.

I am puzzled by several things. If her daughter has few symptoms now, why is she doing all that "research" on the internet? Why the obsession? It really does sound like there is an underlying depression going on....but all we have is words in black and white, and that can be very misleading. I do hope her daughter starts to come around.

east

[[Be...]]

hi all,

 

she wasnt depressed before. She was a baking, happy,naive woman from a small village working in the social field with kids. She did have bulimia 12 years ago and was somewhat obsessed by her weight, but which woman istn. Her taking the pills was a big mistake and had nothing to do with a psychiatric condition. It was a awful mistake done by her, me and her GP.

She was given one ativan in hospital after a migraine attack. The GP gave a prescription of 100 0.5 mg ativan without a word. She later admitted it as a mistake. It is the 1st time in her life she didnt search the internet about something. She used it as a help to sleep. She always had sleeping issues. We can not believe this is happening. In the past 7 months he has lost her job, her home and the love of her life. All because of our ignorance and the lack of research. If she is doesnt start wokring soon she will not be able to work in her field of work anymore. Germany has other conditions. There won't be a possibility for her at her age with 1-2 years of absence. She will have to do odd job of cashiers or stocking etc.

 

Her research is due to her not feeling anything, her words " I am shell of my person, I can not feel joy, happiness or concentrate on anything. I am not able to watch TV not even comedies, I am worried that something has changed in my brain so that I will never be able to be myself again. Happy, calm, joyful and interested. I am not able to picture a bright furtue on balis beaches with my new man and children only doom. I have no hope for myself. I will be a. Soon to be 40 year old cat lady. I watch people and think I will never be one of them again. I am so scared what this did to me that I will probably be one of those people to will think they have a affect from this for the rest of their lives. I am traumatized by this experience and will never be able to forget this" She compares herself to polydrugged people as she think she is one of them. Her medical history can be seen in my signature. She researches if Depakote or Promethazine would have done this to her.

 

Her age is not ideal for "years" of this her biological clock is ticking (35) and she is terriffied these pills are deciding of her childless future. She was a late bloomer due to our history of moving about the world. She met her boyfriend at a late age and they wanted to save money before comitting to a family. I am aware the way we are reporting she sounds like a 17 year old child, which she behaves like at the moment. I am aware that giving away personal information is not alowed here, I would love to show you her facebook profile so one can see what a happy go lucky woman she once was.  She is worried that people report of watching tv reading books etc that get thei spirits up as she is not in the position of doing this. She hasn't scanned the Internet today and we took away her options to.

 

I am trying and encouraging as much as I can. I only can tell her she has to go to hospital if she continues to be so suicidal.

She does the odd things here and there around the house and gets up etc. She is not able to connect with her friends, she can not think anything else but of her "depression and despair".

We DO NOT know how to carry on with this for months or years on.

 

Benzomama  :'( :'(

[[ea...]]

Okay...now I have a clearer picture. Doesn't change the things I have said, though. I am delighted you have taken away her ability to do "research." That is a huge step, and good for you!!!!

I doubt that her minor use of those other drugs caused this. It occurred to me, reading your latest letter, that at 35, she MAY possibly be starting peri-menopause. I know, its unlikely, but it happens, and it can happen more for women who have or had bulimia.

This is my opinion only, but I don't think people "get over" bulimia or anorexia. It may go into remission, with help, but it doesn't just go away. The reasons she became like that probably haven't changed, whatever they may be. I speak with some knowledge about this - I over-ate for years, and became quite obese, requiring surgery. I know now that I ate for comfort, and I know why I did that. I STILL have that tendency, but it doesn't revolvbe around eating any more.

Please, stop blaming yourself for her taking Ativan! Why would you know any better than the rest of the population? And your doctor? Most people take these drugs and have no problem...only a select few do. Very few doctors know about this, I am sorry to say. I don't know why that's true, but it is. People can have bad reactions to MANY different drugs, not just benzos. Anitbiotics and blood pressure pills, to name two.

Your description of her mental status still sounds like depression to me. And whether its because of the benzo or an underlying issue doesn't make it any easier for her to deal with. Benzos, and benzo withdrawal, CAN cause depression, believe me....but manay of us took these drugs for psychiatric reasons to begin with. And its almost impossible to tell whats causing what. More important is that she get some sort of help, to recover from it.

 

Okay - and this is MOST important - If she is suicidal, you cannot step back and see what happens. Has she made threats to harm herself? Done anything? If so, she needs to get help IMMEDIATELY. This isn't something to play around with. From your other posts, I didn't get a sense she was suicidal - but you used this word, so I must address it. No matter how small a town you live in, there are psychiatric professionals. There are "Hotlines" for suicide. There is always the emergency room. People can, and do, commit suicide because of depression, whether its from withdrawal or not. It happens all the time, sadly.

 

One last thing - why isn't she active on this forum? There is no harm in her reading most of the posts here, reaching out to others in the same boat. The staff here go to great lengths to watch over what happens, and intervene when things get rough. There are many people here who would want to help her...gently. Yes, there are scary stories here, and mine is one. But on the whole, this forum is an enormously positive, helpful place....like no other.

east

[[Be...]]

she was active in this forum as germangirl and overseabenzo it didnt do her good either. It is better for her me being her advocat.

 

We only did a hormonal check 2 weeks ago, she is not in pre meno pause.

 

Isnt there a big difference between depression and wd depression. She always says her "depression" while and after bulimia is nothing compared to this. She was able to distract watch tv etc. She didnt have a black doom fear feeling she has now.

 

She speaks of suicide but we have it/her under control. At the moment she is safe here. The local mental hospital is a horrible place she was in her early wd i will never want to put her there again.

 

Yes i agree the eating disorder thinking never goes away nonetheless the i not "active" anymore.

 

We just hope for this to end very soon and for her to commence her life again and find a man and be happy.

 

She is a very sensitve lady and so very worried for this to never let her go.

 

She has read so many horror stories of people never being totally happy or never let go by doom feelings due to benzos or antipsychotics (promethazine)

 

She has had help from the most wonderful people here on the forum that more or less gave up on her, because she is so cought up in her doomness and despair of never recovering.

 

She was phoning hotlines in the UK them telling her "nobody even feels better before 2 years, thats when healing begins" and other saying nothing under 18 months. I dont know how much she can do to herself. she is just in fear ALL the time.

She was never a strong self confident woman....

 

thanks so much for your help!!