Eastcoast's Trip

[[pi...]]

Hi East, it's great to hear from you and equally great to hear that you are doing so well. Yes, the road you were on was difficult and seemingly never ending. You are a wonderful example to our members. Seeing someone come through the darkest of times to get to a place of wellness. Thanks so much for stopping by and enjoy your new companion.

 

PG 

[[je...]]

Eastcoast,

 

Thanks for the inspirational story. I am hoping that your sleep is a little better. Is it?

[[je...]]

Eastcoast,

 

I was taking prerequisite courses to go into nursing (2nd degree) until I got into this benzo ordeal.

Thanks for your story. I don't know if it's in God's plan for me to return to Nursing. Right now, my cognition is hit, not extremely, but enough to know that biochemistry and all the other courses might be a real challenge.

 

I've been having insomnia for 3 months. I would like to know if your sleep has gotten better since your success story of 2014?

 

Thanks.

[[Bl...]]

Thanks Eastcoast for returning and keeping us posted as to where you are at as regards your benzo journey. I enjoyed hearing about Jackie Bear once again. He sounds like a great little “big” buddy to have in your life….and it’s obvious it’s a mutual relationship. He’s just as happy to be with you as you are to have him.

 

Although I remembered hearing about Bear, I had to go back to a previous post and reread it once again. It’s really a sweet story….you both basically found each other at clearly the right time. It’s cute how he took to you right away…and your neighbor said that he normally does not approach strangers.

 

May you continue to live life free of the benzo shackles. Becoming unshackled is doable as your story shows.

[[So...]]

Your story is so inspirational and I am glad you have overcome so much and enjoying life again. I never read your stories before, but I am glad you posted your success story. I hope your sleep is improving. I am sorry about your cats. I love cats too!

[[An...]]

How wonderful to read your story.

 

You were one of the first poster's to respond to my first couple of messages on this board and were instrumental in helping me get off benzos.

 

The post read like tough love and it was just what I needed. You told me I had to own my taper, I had to research and learn what to do.

 

I'll never forget it and I'm forever grateful.

 

Glad you are doing well.

 

Peace.

[[ma...]]

Hi Annie!

 

Great to hear from you, and great to hear that you are doing well.  You had a tough time girl, I remember your journey, but you made it through as I knew you would. Sorry about the few leftover symptoms, some are very stubborn but they too will eventually go.  Bless your heart for continuing to update us and for inspiring and encouraging members.

 

I love this, Annie, "Fake it till you make it" or "act as if you feel better than you truly do"  Most of the time, I couldn't fake it, but I can remember the times when I did.  My face used to pain holding my fake smile for my husbands visitors... all the while my whole inside would be screaming for them to hurry up and leave. 

 

I remember you lost both Oreo and Peggy, I know you were heartbroken.  I was so happy for you, when you found Bear.  Much love to you Annie, keep dropping by when you can, its always lovely to hear from you.

 

((hugs))

 

Mags http://i1193.photobucket.com/albums/aa351/margarita1959/raining-hearts.gif

 

 

 

 

[[ea...]]

Hello again, my friends,

 

Just a note to let you all know I am doing just fine. My new cat, Jackie Bear, is a handsome black and gray tabby with enormous yellow eyes. He is utterly devoted to me, and he makes me laugh a lot. A pleasant change after Oreo and Peggy (but I still miss them both).

 

I seldom have anything that could be a withdrawal symptom. I do still hear some weird non-sensical tune in my head, but at this point, I have come to think it is more related to my OCD thing. It did start early in my cold turkey, but it continues even now.  I also have come to understand more how OCD I am in many ways. Not a hand washer, but many other things. If something feels good I tend to keep repeating it. That is precisely why I started taking benzos.. They let me sleep and that was a huge relief for me. And I DID know they are addictive and withdrawal could even be fatal. I think I just thought I would be somehow immune from that. NOT. That was a huge error in thinking.

 

But I still think going through what I did made me a far better person. I found out just how strong I am. I learned a lot about many things. My health is now the best it has been in maybe 20 years. During The Benzo Years, I slowly descended into poor health and never once did I relate it to m y nightly use of benzos. Nor did any of my doctors. It still horrifies me that this can so easily happen, buit once I joined BB, my real education began. I started reading a lot of articles and studies about benzos and withdrawal. That is when I found out that descending into poor health is fairly common in chronic benzo users. I still remember reading an article by a Canadian woman, who said that for women, benzo use can lead to falls, social problems, fractured bones. And that is sure what happened to me. Reading that was an eye opener and actually made me feel a lot more hopeful and gave more will to stay the withdrawal course.

 

I know many of you are suffering intensely. I encourage you to listen to what people here suggest. There are many ways to deal with symptoms.  What worked for me was deep slow breathing, forcing myself to think positively, and helping other people definitely made me feel a lot better. There were other tricks I used and you can find them somewhere here in my Story. It has been a long time now and even I have started to forget some things!

 

I urge you to educate yourself on the WHY symptoms occur issue. Having a basic understanding gives you a lot more power. If you understand that your brain controls EVERYTHING about you, and that benzos definitely affect your brain in huge ways, it makes a lot more sense that you have all those weird, scary symptoms.

 

Dont waste your time blaming your doctor on  your problem. That is just kidding yourself. As an intelligent being, you have to be in charge of your health, NOT your doctor. Always do a bit of research on any drugs prescribed for you, and believe what you read. Spending time blaming others is really kind of lame, IMO. I agree that a few pphysicians are ignorant about benzos, and that is why they prescribe them. Benzos are a HUGE bandaid but will hurt the person taking them unless they are only prescribed for a short time, like 2 weeks. Even the drug companies suggest this.

 

Reach out to others here even on your worst days. Stay in touch with BB frequently. I just about LIVED here for at least 2 years because I found it such a good way to cope with what I was going through.

 

"Fake it until you make it" is still, IMO, the biggest and best thing a person can do in this situation. If you have read anything I have said for all these years, you already know what I mean and how much I believe in it. Yes, I sometimes come across as preachey, but I dont care because I know what I know about what helped me.

 

All my love to you all. Make each day as good as you can, and hang in there because believe it or not, you WILL get over this huge mess.

 

[[...]]

That's all great to hear, Annie.  I've gone over some of your posts from the past couple of years, and find them to be very helpful, as I'm roughly in the same age bracket as yourself and going though a very rough time right now, six months off benzos.  I get incredible fears, as well as terrible nightmares, OCD, depression, anxiety, low-energy, DP and DR, and other symptoms.  Thanks for your postings and the hope that you're conveying to us all. 

 

[[fl...]]

Dear Eastcoast, I'd like to echo Zeph's sentiment; reading your success story was and is hugely important to me.  I also am in your age bracket, in fact your exact age, and that has been a huge source of stress for me.  I have felt like Rip Van Winkle, waking up old after many years of sleep.  I felt that even if I were able to heal, I'd be too old to start life over.  You have given me such hope!  And nothing I have read has been as inspiring as reading your many encouraging posts to others; I'm so glad I thought to do that.  What a gift you have given to so many people.  I love reading the Success Stories, but I often get triggered when someone replies that they are "four years out and not feeling any better."  Reading your posts, I know I need not have the fear of being "ambushed."  I get to hear over and over again how bad you were and yet you healed.  I am one day away from my last dose, and I'm having some of my worst days.  Last night I woke up at 3 a.m. with huge optimism about my future; I let the feeling wash over my whole body.  I said to my husband, who was also lying awake, "I feel like shit and I can't sleep, but I'm going to heal!"  Soon the dark cloud covered me again and the fearful, anxious thoughts crept in, but at least I had a glimmer of a different outcome.  I think you were a big part of that glimmer of hope.  Thank you!

[[ea...]]

I am bumping this up so others can find it a lot easier.

 

I am still doing fine. Remaining symptoms are minor and I am not sure if they are withdrawal or simply habi (is OCD-ish). I sometimes hear that goofy tune in my mind, and I am still fairly OCD about cleaning and I STILL hate ants! LOL! This stuff I can live with even laugh at.

 

When you have an especially bad withdrawal, symptoms seem to get magnified at times. We tend to focus solely on ourselves - it can be that unpleasant. And that is why distraction may be one of your best strategies for dealing with it. Distract your mind with what you wish as long as its basically healthy. I remember one lady who did coloring books for a long time. I strung beads.  Each tiny bead strung kept my mind off how awful I felt. I envy younger people who are able to use exercise as distraction. I was still using a walker when I went cold turkey. Not a good candidate for exercise!

 

My heart goes out to all of you who are going through this. It is scary, it may be physically painful. Your own set of symptoms are yours and though we may share a couple,, only YOU know how badly you feel.

Annie

[[he...]]

I remember you east, I am glad you are doing well...I come here seldom, but good to see an oldie but a goodie here,    Be well ,Jude

[[ea...]]

Charlie, this is my Success Story. I hope you read enough of it to know you are not alone! You arent.

If I can get through this, anyone can. I am NO superwoman! I am a 68 year old woman with a long history of abusing and using both alcohol and benzos, plus back in the 6o's, other drugs as any good hippie did.

 

Your life may just be beginnig, if you stay off benzos and other drugs. I am now healthier than I have been in maybe 2o years - and I know this is because I got off benzos.

 

Stay in touch with me.

east

(Annie)

[[Li...]]

Good morning, to east coast  and others going through the (WD).  Hat's off for getting off prescription  drugs.  I too am a product of your generation.  Not unfamiliar  with words about the 60's and 70's.  I am so glad you had the strength  to get off prescription  drugs.  I honestly never realized how dangerous these drugs were.  I personally don't blame anyone.  I distract myself and try my best and not think about what brought me to this place.  My retirement is now being spent in (WD).  Great!!!lol. At least I can still laugh.  Forgive me I tend to ramble when I write.  I actually hope you read this because at our age I think it may be more difficult because our bodies just can't take it.  G-d bless you east coast for trying to help other's on this wild journey.  Reading success stories helps me.  Sometimes I feel like I just want to give -up.  Emotions are all other the place not much support. I try to hide much from my husband as I don't want to upset him with this.  Reading your story helps more then you know

 

Be well Lilly21 

[[ea...]]

Oh holy shit. I thought I understood what I went through. But it seems I didnt quite get it right. I was just reading something on the BIC site - written by a PA who did a fairly fast taper and went through utter hell. Her history isnt as bad as mine with benzos, but what she went through definitely equals what I did.

 

She points out that over time, while on benzos, her health slowly declined. Like me, sought help from various specialists, who diagnosed her with many things...just like I did. None of her doctors figured out her meds were causing her problems...just like me.

 

She believes that all her symptoms were due to TOLERANCE WITHDRAWAL. I dont know why I didnt see this before, but I just didnt. That is EXACTLY what I went through for so many  many years, Tolerance withdrawal.....

 

This just goes to show you that we can always learn more about things. It does help to read about others struggles with these drugs, because each person will have something new we can learn.

 

In those first few weeks after going CT, I had an intense sensation of "waking up." I did not know what this meant, at the time. I was too preoccupied with trying to stay alive as I was ridden with so many weird and unpleasant symptoms. Too numerous to count. But later I began to understand that, indeed I WAS waking up - after years of being numbed by benzos. At that time, I did not know my withdrawal would be that bad, or last as long as it did.

 

I  WAS waking up!!! Literally. My brain was waking up from being bathed in benzos for thirty years. And I always took huge doses, thinking I "Needed" them.

 

Keep YOUR minds open to any new ideas and suggestions from others on this site. We all share something in common. I have rarely, in my all years of participating here on BB, run into a person who had nefarious intentions coming here. In truth I can only remember two such  people and they were quickly booted out. You CAN trust the good people here - they arent going to lie. Some may exaggerate  things, or like me, minimalize things.  (I suddenly cannot spell that word! LOL!)

 

We all have to find our own way through the mess benzos can caused. We all have to find what works best for us, but we can also learn so very much from others who are going through the same condition...or have been through it and survived.

 

There is so much HOPE for all of you! Please keep this in mind. When I tell you my own health is better now than it has been in about 25 years, I am telling you the truth.  Interdose withdrawal......caused so many uncomfortable symptoms in me - that mimiced "dread diseases", and I ended up being diagnosed with almost every off the wall diagnosis possible. And I am a NURSE! Medical people are no smarter than you, that is for sure.

 

All of you can recover from this. It may take longer than you had hoped for or be worse than you imagined....but getting through this may turn out to be the absolute best thing you ever did. Trust me on this.

east

 

[[Pa...]]

Thank you Annie for your words, they are encouraging. I believe you I'm also waking up after so many years numbed by benzos. Though I'm always tired and sleepy I walk a lot because it helps me get distracted, and I'm noticing things in the same buildings I've been seeing for the last 23 years, they have always been there for me to see, but now I realised that I'm truly seeing them, seen the details, though the pain and struggle I'm going through I've noticed new things and I'm happy for that.

Thank you for giving us hope, for a great life for all the buddies 

[[ea...]]

Oh Sweetie, there is nothing easy about withdrawal. Going through this is extremely challenging. It does not seem to matter if you took benzos for a couple weeks, or many years. It seems that some people - and who knows why? - are likely to have an awful withdrawal.

 

I think we all have to keep in mind something very powerful. If we allow ourselves to think we are "ill" or "sick" maybe we wont heal as well. I have sensed evidence in this for a long time. People who are compelled to think they are "damaged" permanently dont seem to heal as well. Some people allow themselves to fall into the :sick role."  And I guess they want people to feel sorry for them.

 

I have a friend who is 10 years younger than me. She, too, is an RN. She hurt her back - not due to Nursing. She fell off a horse! And the resulting damage forced her to quit her job, and she has slowly become sort of a recluse. And she is sort of a hoarder.  She walks with a cane, and suffers a lot of pain. But she allows herself to SEE herself as "sick and ill" and that is not going to help her ever recover. Time will go by and because she has a 30 year old son who lives with her, she is never going to be forced to DO for herself. And yes, among her many meds are benzos. Xanax, to be exact.

Eugh of this for now.

I wish you all the best. I want all of you to recover. I hope that I have a better life having gone through this. We can only just try - and try to learn what we can so we do not repeat the same mistakes.

The human brain is awesome. Let it rest and heal.

much love to you all...

Annie

 

I saw it differently. NOT saying I am perfect! Hardly. My personality has some truly NOT good sides to it, the result of childhood abuse and other factors. But I did somehow know that to get through benzo withdrawal, I had to assume I would eventually get better. I faked it...til I made it.

 

I went cold turky in July 2012. And only today did I finally understand that what was casing my misery for years (poor and declining health-) was caused by interdose withdrawal. That in itself is amazing! That it took me 6 years to get that!

 

Think of how you may feel in a few years. You may also find you have finally gotten a good grip on what you have been through. Shania, it isnt ALL about getting off benzos! Some of it is learning more about yourself, what makes you tick, what hurt you in the past. It can be a difficult journey but also a good one.

[[ea...]]

I am bumping this up because there are so many of you out there suffering. I feel helpless - I cannot make it easier for you. All I can do is offer you hope. And my story should give you a lot of hope.

I am not Superwoman. I dont have any special powers. I am just like you, I struggled so hard to get through withdrawal; without losing my mind. I thought I had, many times. But it turned out I had NOT lost my mind...it was "on hold" until my brain healed.

 

Please do not give up. You have come so far....let your brain and body heal and then you will find out who you truly are now, free of benzos,  and like me, you may find you are a much healthier person.

east

[[Pi...]]

Hello eastcoast62. Thank you for bumping your success story. Your  story is one of my favorites. I also read all your other posts; they are inspiring and give hope for those of us who are still struggling that we will also heal and reclaim our normal life back given the right time.

 

Your continued support is so much appreciated.

 

May you continue to have peace, joy and healthy life that you well deserved!

 

Blessings!

[[Li...]]

Good Morning Eastcoast62 and all who read this.  I read your signature eastcoast62...in my eyes you are superwomen!! That was a mean cocktail. lol!!!!  You did it.  Give other's hope.  We thank-you.  You don't have to share your story but do..that means a lot.  If you make a difference in just one life you succeeded,  my mantra.  I try, too.  I agree totally with you in never thinking I am sick and will not heal.  "Time" will heal this, one day at a time.  In general (WD) except for the first month is manageable.  I really was sick.  Very sick.  I pushed forward (reading) breathing.  It helps to read success stories and I hope with all my heart to be one.   My mind says this "You have gotten through tougher times. "  I have.  I wish all of you an easy (WD).  More windows and less waves.  The brain needs time to heal.  Deep breathe and take a walk.  Look around you see all that beauty,  Really see it.  Life is good sometimes not fair be but good.  G-d bless.  Lilly21 Need to cut this short I have a headache.  Love

[[ea...]]

Nope. No superwoman. Just a person who thought benzos were helping her sleep for far too long. And yes, they did help me sleep but the damage done was enormous.

 

No one should be forced to cold turkey. But it still happens all the time. There has to be a better way of dealing with patients who are obviously addicted mentally and physically! We are not like "junkies on the street." We are law abiding citizens who took prescription drugs to "help us." And became addicted.

 

Now, I admit that for many years, being a nurse working in hospitals, I had available to me a lot of pills, unlocked in carts and unlocked in drawers. Like m any nurses and doctors, I took advantage of this - back then. NOW , benzos are counted and much better controlled. But not back then. I have to be honest. I did not have a legal prescription for benzos until I moved to Florida in 1997. Bnezos were starting to be counted and better controlled back then,

 

Addiction is a tricky issue. You may THINK you have a "need" for a drug. But perhaps it is really that you are addicted to that drug, whether it is pain med or a tranquilizer/sleep med. Our brains can fool us and we tend to seek anything that will give us relief from whatever troubles us.

 

For me,  it was insomnia that started my long history of benzo use and abuse. All I wanted to do was sleep normally. Well, benzos did help me but at such a HUGE price!

 

Lily, you are going to be okay. I admire you for sticking to this and reading everything you can that might help you.

 

Good night, all you wonderful and amazing benzo people. Each one of you has an awesome story to tell...and I hope you do.

east

 

[[ea...]]

I am not sure why I feel compelled to be here so much now. But I will trust my instincts. If I need to be here now, so be it. There has to be a reason.

 

I know my heart feels so much for you all - those who suffer and think they are alone...that hurts me a lot. That is how I felt. Alone and terrified.

 

I had no idea what benzos were doing to me all those years. I just could not see it. Many of you are in the same shoes, but you may not SEE this til your withdrawal is done.

 

To all of you out there - You are going to be all right. It is a matter of putting one foot in front of the other and walking slowly on. As time passes, you will start to notice changes - maybe one symptom will disappear, or maybe your mind will feel clearer. Whatever that may be, take it as a sign of your healing. For some of us healing is very slow and it can feel like torture waiting for positive changes. But no matter what, you ARE healing, every second of every single day. Your brain is slowly healing....and you will "find" yourself again.

 

I love you all. This community saved my life, and I know that to be true. If I had not found BB, I most likely would have either signed myself into a nursing home, or reinstated and THEN having to go to a nursing home. Benzos had gotten me THAT bad. Benzos caused me to be incredibly ill, and I just did not see this was occurring. This may be true of you, too. Think about it.

Annie

[[Aj...]]

Thank you so much for coming back and continuing to tell your story.

 

I’m having a lot of terror and severe perceptual disturbances so it is helpful to read that others have healed from this.

 

Oliver Sacks talks about the kind of musical hallucinations you have in his book Musicophilia which you may find interesting.

[[Le...]]

East, your story is truly amazing and I just love how you recovered. Just everything you say to help us is so positive but real that I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are one kind person who is helping thousands of people. Too funny that you just discovered the tolerance aspect!  I figured it out, with the help of this website and other resources, at about 5 weeks off. I was so ashamed at first because I really had been the source of a lot of my own health issues as well as family issues. But then I transferred that pain to finding the best possible way to heal. And with your help and many others here on B.B., I am recovering SLOWLY. Thank you!!!

[[Ca...]]

Hi Annie,

    I am very grateful you've chosen to spend more time on BB. Your story and presence has been a great comfort to me for many years. Our paths crossed early in my taper and I remember being very inspired by your tenacity. Your healing has brought me encouragement. I am 3 years off and having periods of feeling bits better but also times with extreme symptoms. Like you, I'm a nurse and was appalled to find myself in this situation. Never had I known the consequences of taking this class of medication. I'm working hard to educate providers and patients on the challenges associated with benzodiazepines. My husband has also become quite an advocate. We must tell our stories.

Thank you for coming back to share the good news of healing. We need you! Please keep spreading the word.

With great appreciation and compassion,

 

Carita