6-12 month thread....

[[Co...]]

Peace...you are in my heart and am sending prayers....You have my support ....you will always have my support. Sending you love ....coop

[[He...]]

Peace,

Praying for you right now. 

Love to you!

HH

[[Co...]]

Floc ....its good to hear from you. I Cong think any of us keep up every day on the thread..if I am gone tor a day or 2 I am totally lost. Just jump in where you come on at. Sorry to hear about the stressor in your life. Yep,  stress seems to be the litmus test for sustained improvement. I think you sound really great ( writing a success story if not for stressor).At  little less than a year...yahooo.  That is so encouraging to me and the rest of us who are in and out of waves in the last 3 months of year one. .

.....I sm so glad for you Floc ...keep us posted when you can...we are cheering for you.....coop

[[Co...]]

Green....So happy you got out on your bike and had a good day. In spite of s/x...warrior woman.  Sorry you are having s/x....especially the head pressure...sigh. ...I hope it all lets up by tomorrow.

....My head pressure was actually better this afternoon and evening. The morning was tough...and then out of the blue I was looking at the world through a 100% window...an effortless mind afternoon. I kept it slow and easy...sat on my patio with decaf and a book.  Took my fog for a walk.  Cooked myself a decent dinner.. puttered around my apartment.. watched a movie and enjoyed reading my book ...which I was able to concentrate on.  .crossing my fingers and hoping for a good day tomorrow.

......Thinking of you Green.  Hoping the head pressure is very short lived. ...coop

[[He...]]

Does BB cause waves?  Are we psychologically infecting each other?  I've wondered about this, whether I would do better off the site. 

 

For me, no, I don't think so.  When I have waves I tend to disappear from the site anyway, suffer alone.  That's my way.  And for me, the worst is over. I know it is.  It's simply a matter of waiting, letting the time for healing pass, maybe a couple more big waves, and they're much more manageable now.  I'm looking at that two year timeline.  I do better, like Coop, if I'm not in a hurry, if I don't have a timeline that gets smashed every time I have a hard symptom. 

 

I'm a lot more functional than I was, I know I'm getting better.  But I have a ways to go, and I like coming here for support when I have a bad time, and to help the people behind me, who are really suffering, just like I was when things were really bad.  I think extending a helping hand to another BB helps me feel much better than I would if I were doing this on my own.

 

There are probably lots of people who thought they were better off on their own.  Some of them stop by sometimes and check in.

 

That's my take.

 

I had a good day today. In spite of no sleep last night, nausea and heavy head pressure, and severe a.m. diarrhea, I took my bike out for a long ride by the beach.  It was a beautiful fall day and I felt very glad to be alive.  That's new, that's positive.  For so long I haven't felt much of anything. I saw the beautiful sky and sun and beach, and I felt so much gratitude, I'm not in a window, still wavy, but very grateful because I know I'm getting better, I know we're all getting better, every day.  And I was so grateful that I could push through symptoms and it turned out okay.

 

Lisa and Peace, you're right behind me.  This is coming for you.  You are going to feel joy, you are going to get your lives back.  Just hang on a little longer.  The longer periods of feeling better are coming.  I was there today. 

 

Sky, hang in there, it's been tough for you, you're going to get a break soon.

 

I also don't think that is the case.  My waves hit me regardless of my time on BB, and I have found that when I'm in a bad wave it is very comforting to me to reach out to others who understand.  I can tell if my waves are particularly bad because I will go other places on BB than just our thread.  Last weekend, when I felt back in acute, I was scrolling through almost every old page, desperate to find some sort of reassurance.  Saying that, however, I do have to say that if I make a mistake and go places and read something scary...like the protracted board...it will make me feel worse.  It adds another layer of panic to my lovely mix of anxiety and other symptoms.  I have to be REAL careful about that.  I find comfort in our group.  I feel very connected and I can often tell who has written a post (when I'm not logged on so I can't see your names) simply by the style of writing. 

 

If it hadn't been for BB, there is a huge probability that I would have reinstated by now.  I do NOT want to be like the woman the Canadian doctor wrote about, who lost several more years to benzo withdrawal because she quit too early in the healing process.  I recommend you googling his name and checking out his website for the whole story and what he wrote. 

 

We just have to keep on keeping on.  One more day, one step closer to HEALTH.

 

My positive to write about is that I was struck today with how much better I am now, even in this wave, than I was a year ago.  Last year at my younger daughter's volleyball games I was SO anxious that I was almost jumping out of my skin.  I could barely stay there and I felt very close to tears.  Today, even wavy and somewhat anxious, I was much more comfortable.  Last year I wasn't sleeping more than a few hours at a time.  Today I sleep very well.  Last year I was consumed by this process and could hardly rip my mind away from it to make small talk with people.  Today I can almost compartmentalize it...."wow, feeling some chest tightness right now, got some anxiety sweeping through"....and continue with what I'm doing (although I have to admit that I will quietly check my pulse just to make sure  ) 

I'm trying to keep this all in perspective as I still am buffered around by this wave.  One of these waves will be the LAST wave!

 

Wishing you all a peaceful night tonight!   

[[fl...]]

Thank you, dear Green and Coop, for the kind words.

 

(((Peace))))......hang on, you're going to make it.

[[He...]]

Green....So happy you got out on your bike and had a good day. In spite of s/x...warrior woman.  Sorry you are having s/x....especially the head pressure...sigh. ...I hope it all lets up by tomorrow.

....My head pressure was actually better this afternoon and evening. The morning was tough...and then out of the blue I was looking at the world through a 100% window...an effortless mind afternoon. I kept it slow and easy...sat on my patio with decaf and a book.  Took my fog for a walk.  Cooked myself a decent dinner.. puttered around my apartment.. watched a movie and enjoyed reading my book ...which I was able to concentrate on.  .crossing my fingers and hoping for a good day tomorrow.

......Thinking of you Green.  Hoping the head pressure is very short lived. ...coop

 

Sounds like you had a wonderful day, Coop!  Praying that tomorrow is even better for you. 

[[Co...]]

Life....it is do good to see you!...I totally get the inner conflict about being on ...or off BBs. ...I agree...in normal life we do have choice and will about how we direct out thoughts and actions. For me...I feel like I am not normal right now.. I feel like my mind is broken and hobbling along in an unwell fashion.  Just as though if I had cancer my body would not respond to all the healthy things I do for it. .I find so much support and encouragement here. For me,  I couldn't get through this without the caring compassionate friends I have here. I don't get scared when I read of s/x and set backs.  I am so reassured when my s/x line up and match with those of others...it tells me every time..that all my s/x are w/d . I see progress in every single person in our group. I just could not do this without the support here...but that is me...and I do take breaks from time to time.

....I have decided to take the path of no or least resistance in dealing with my s/x because I just wore myself out upped my anxiety when I tried to push. It might be another 3 months before I feel healed enough to pick up more pieces of my life. Others gain more confidence and faith in the process by getting out there and pushing through s/x...and some have to go to work every day in spite of s/x and w/d...I am so fortunate that I have the situation of retirement so I can ' go with ' the process. Having said all that I really want my life back and it took a long time to find the peace of accepting all that w/d is. To reframe and rename 'improvement ' on a daily basis.

....We all love you Life...you have been so important to our sense of continued hope. ...Wheather you are on or off or both with the thread you are in our hearts and you have helped us change our lives.

  .Wishing you the " Effortless Mind " ...every day.  Love to you dear friend....coop

[[mr...]]

HealingHope,

 

I was actually paroosing (is that a word -- paroosing? Oh well.) BB today and was reminded by reading some of the benzo-freedom pages and success stories that month 14-15 through month 16-18 is a common place for a "wave" of sorts. Kinda like it seems to be common that some buddies experience waves at month 6 and 9/10...might be similar for month 14/15 or month 16/17/18 sometime. Anyways, lol. No worries. You are normal, and your healing is manifesting more all the time

 

So great to hear you're feeling better Not a faith battle we asked for by any means, but one we are well able to conquer. Love you girl.

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

HH...I would have reinstated way báck in month 4 if not for this forum...and especially this group. I also would have been in er certain that I was dying every other week....seriously.

...You are sounding good. I agree...even though I am having tough times with head pressure most of my other s/x are so slight now ...and I get sunbreaks and even a few 100% "effortless mind " days. ....so much better than last year.

...thank you for your post...wishing you all window days....coop

[[Gr...]]

Green....So happy you got out on your bike and had a good day. In spite of s/x...warrior woman.  Sorry you are having s/x....especially the head pressure...sigh. ...I hope it all lets up by tomorrow.

....My head pressure was actually better this afternoon and evening. The morning was tough...and then out of the blue I was looking at the world through a 100% window...an effortless mind afternoon. I kept it slow and easy...sat on my patio with decaf and a book.  Took my fog for a walk.  Cooked myself a decent dinner.. puttered around my apartment.. watched a movie and enjoyed reading my book ...which I was able to concentrate on.  .crossing my fingers and hoping for a good day tomorrow.

......Thinking of you Green.  Hoping the head pressure is very short lived. ...coop

 

Coop, I know, I'm getting half days now, me, too.  I'm so glad you had such a pleasant day.  you're not rushing out the door this time?  Taking it a little slow?  I think that's wise.  I was taking it too slow, I wasn't doing anything.  I needed to give myself a little push.  All I did was sit on the couch, I was so afraid of the sx.  So this is an improvement for me. 

 

Peace, you're in my prayers. 

[[Gr...]]

HH,

 

You said a lot, a lot of good stuff.  I never thought about it, but I might have reinstated -- I probably would have.  in addition to the threads, we get a lot of information here, which I needed in order to keep me going.

 

The Canadian doctor made an impression on me, too.  At first I was upset.  But when I accepted it, when I read how Coop accepted it, I dealt with this latest wave differently.  And I think it helped.  Healing goes on for two years.  hopefully I'll  be a lot better, have mostly good days, but realistically people who posted early success stories got waves at 14-15-16 months.  People come back with waves from medications, supplements, too much alcohol.  It happens.  Hopefully they don't last too long.

[[Gr...]]

Life....it is do good to see you!...I totally get the inner conflict about being on ...or off BBs. ...I agree...in normal life we do have choice and will about how we direct out thoughts and actions. For me...I feel like I am not normal right now.. I feel like my mind is broken and hobbling along in an unwell fashion.  Just as though if I had cancer my body would not respond to all the healthy things I do for it. .I find so much support and encouragement here. For me,  I couldn't get through this without the caring compassionate friends I have here. I don't get scared when I read of s/x and set backs.  I am so reassured when my s/x line up and match with those of others...it tells me every time..that all my s/x are w/d . I see progress in every single person in our group. I just could not do this without the support here...but that is me...and I do take breaks from time to time.

....I have decided to take the path of no or least resistance in dealing with my s/x because I just wore myself out upped my anxiety when I tried to push. It might be another 3 months before I feel healed enough to pick up more pieces of my life. Others gain more confidence and faith in the process by getting out there and pushing through s/x...and some have to go to work every day in spite of s/x and w/d...I am so fortunate that I have the situation of retirement so I can ' go with ' the process. Having said all that I really want my life back and it took a long time to find the peace of accepting all that w/d is. To reframe and rename 'improvement ' on a daily basis.

....We all love you Life...you have been so important to our sense of continued hope. ...Wheather you are on or off or both with the thread you are in our hearts and you have helped us change our lives.

  .Wishing you the " Effortless Mind " ...every day.  Love to you dear friend....coop

 

Life, you really have helped  a lot of people here. 

 

I remember you from the early days before you turned the corner at 7 months.  Do you remember how bad off you were?  I do.  you weren't even leaving the house.  You felt awful, you were hopeless.  Go look at your old posts so you can see how much better you are now.  When you think about how many sx you have left, instead of how much better you are, you get very depressed and upset.  I do.  It messed me up every time. 

 

Hope you got a lot out of your retreat.

[[Gr...]]

I wanted to say something like this, but River Wolf said it so much better. 

 

Second Arrow Teaching Story

 

I replied to a post where someone was asking when will their suffering end. I thought of the Second Arrow teaching story and I wanted to repost it here for you guys.

 

The question of when the suffering will end and how to manage this situation

 

"A watched pot never boils"

 

The secret to maintaining your sanity IMO is to throw away the calendar.

 

If you are focused on when your suffering will end, it adds a psychological component that adds to your suffering.

 

There is a spiritual teaching story called The Second Arrow.

 

"When afflicted with a feeling of pain those who lack inner awareness sorrow, grieve and lament, beating their breasts and becoming distraught. So they feel two pains, physical and mental. It is just like being shot with an arrow, and right afterwards being shot with a second one, so that they feel two arrows. "

 

This relates to benzo recovery this way - The wd sympoms create one form of pain. When we add a timetable when we think it should end to the original pain, it creates an additional kind of pain.

The first arrow is the wd symptoms - it's painful and cannot be avoided.

 

The second arrow is our reaction to the withdrawal symptoms. The second arrow is optional. The second arrow is our reaction to the first arrow. The second arrow hurts us needlessly. We inflict additional pain and suffering on ourselves when we push the pain way, when we hate the pain, and when we make a timetable for when we think the pain should be gone.

 

The idea of accepting pain instead of fighting it is an effective pain management tool. It is not easy to do at first. But with practice, you can reduce your level of suffering. There is a lot of information about this process on the net if you are interested.

 

This does require a significant level of spiritual development to understand and put into practice. I know it's hard, but it will reduce your suffering when you master it.

[[Sk...]]

Green, thanks for posting the story again. Now, at this stage it means so much.

 

I see you posted this late at night, I guess you did not sleep.

 

I had a good day today. In spite of no sleep last night, nausea and heavy head pressure, and severe a.m. diarrhea, I took my bike out for a long ride by the beach.  It was a beautiful fall day and I felt very glad to be alive.  That's new, that's positive.  For so long I haven't felt much of anything. I saw the beautiful sky and sun and beach, and I felt so much gratitude, I'm not in a window, still wavy, but very grateful because I know I'm getting better, I know we're all getting better, every day.  And I was so grateful that I could push through symptoms and it turned out okay.

 

Thanks for sharing, it sounds wonderful, it is worthwhile having suffered so much to be able to feel such things again.

[[Sk...]]

Making chili and every stir has your name on it.  Keep us posted.  Try to name anything the anxiety or dp is attached too and knock it off your plate.

 

Mommy, will try doing that as well. Many times, I am anxious without even really realizing it about truly silly things. Will knock it off my plate proudly !

[[Sk...]]

Green....So happy you got out on your bike and had a good day. In spite of s/x...warrior woman.  Sorry you are having s/x....especially the head pressure...sigh. ...I hope it all lets up by tomorrow.

....My head pressure was actually better this afternoon and evening. The morning was tough...and then out of the blue I was looking at the world through a 100% window...an effortless mind afternoon. I kept it slow and easy...sat on my patio with decaf and a book.  Took my fog for a walk.  Cooked myself a decent dinner.. puttered around my apartment.. watched a movie and enjoyed reading my book ...which I was able to concentrate on.  .crossing my fingers and hoping for a good day tomorrow.

......Thinking of you Green.  Hoping the head pressure is very short lived. ...coop

 

Coop, your day sounds quite awesome. Reading a book and concentrating ? Is that even  possible ?  Puttering around the house, taking fog for a walk instead of letting it be the other way around, I wouls pay for a day like that ! I am so glad you came to share it with us, these stories keep me going on dark days.

 

My wave seems to come in turns. one day yes, one day no. Today, is a bad vibrations day, things get a little worse and I have to struggle and  be a little kinder to myself.

Being kind to  myself has to be one of the things I struggle with most. Yet, it is the most important. How can wd be kind to us if we, ourselves are incapable of this kindnesS ?

 

HAve a better day everyone. 

[[No...]]

Good Morning Folks ...

 

Read Friday's and Saturday's posts ... that's why I remain connected here ...

 

"Follow the Love" ... yours and mine ...

 

It is taught that being "connected" to "community" is "essential" ...

 

And I have learned through my "practice" that that no matter how much I "protest", no matter how much effort I put into the struggle to "understand", no matter how much "doing" I use during these days ... something else sustains me, nourishes me ...

 

In the wee hours of the evening or the morning or the afternoon, it is "remembering" the "effortless" that sustains me ... there is the "rhythm" of my breath AND the "rhythm" of the "connection" to what I am only able to name as "community" ...

 

And yes, there is the "responsibility" we all feel towards ourselves, our families, our close by day to day "stuff" we are entwined with ... this "mysterious" sense of the "necessary" ...

 

And there is also the "choice" we have all made to release ourselves from the drug(s) ... and here to we find more "responsibility" and more "necessary" ... and the "burden" of that "choice" is "immense" ... the "consequences" of that choice are so all encompassing, so intertwined with our day to day living, so all-consuming of our "energy ... and so, so, "confusing" ...

 

And we reach out within our "local" community ... and we reach out within this BB community ... for the sustenance of validation, of reassurance, of hope ...

 

And we slowly, day by day, hour by hour, regain our sense of "trust" ... reclaim our "abilities" ... re-establish our "neccessarys", take up our "responsibilities" ... all within our multifaceted "container" ... this container of our personhood, our community, our love ...

 

We are blessed with this opportunity to experience, to live, our healing, to get to visit all of its nooks and crannies ... to express our healing to ourselves and our community ...

 

And within this "opportunity", this "burden" we have accepted, we "find", we "remember" our lives ... we tentatively move on ...

 

And yes, we suffer, we hurt, we are confused, we are torn pillar to post, we are lost ... and perhaps in some of the "quieter" moments we feel our strength, our resilience, our innate ability to heal ... our "stability" ... our butterfly-ness within the chrysalis of our healing ...

 

This Sunday whatever else engages us, if you can, remember the Hug of this group, this community ... the embrace of our healing ... of each other ... one breath at a time ... as always I am nourished by myself and by each of you ...

 

And, you each are one of my "necessaries" ... for me, during the late stages of "acute" and all the many storms of this period of "to and fro doldrums", I did not re-instate ... partially from my own fortitude and stubbornness ... and partially from being "connected" to each of you ...

 

Thank you ...

 

 

 

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Good morning dear BB's,

 

Lot's to ponder and thing about.  This is an interesting journey to say the least.  I woke up at 4am to a pretty good sweat, some minor mental stuff.  The prevailing thought for me the last few days has been the 2 year mark and how people reinstate at this point.  Wow, do I understand.  This is tough stuff.  Mrs and I were having a conversation and she nailed something on the head for me. 

 

Benzo recovery isn't about the addiction it is about the dependency.  Our bodies found themselves depending on the benzo to function after it messed with our gaba receptors.  Now our bodies are trying to rebalance and repair.  Wow, what a comfort this was.  I know this has been said a million different times in a million different ways, but for me it was a comfort.  It's about the dependency and recovery.  She also compared this to a family members recovery who was in a car accident and received a brain injury.

 

This person would be able to move their arm 50% and then it would go down 20%.  Their ability to move about was not linear.  The family would become distraught after seeing improved mobility and then it would seem to go away.  The doctors told them not to worry and that any change is a good thing. 

 

We are like that.  Even with the struggle Peace is having I can see the roller coaster of lifting of symptoms and then something new swirling in. 

 

I look at what has hit me since returning from vacation in July and then I hear my doctor saying recovery is like a roller coaster.  We can be acute this far out.  Then we see the validation from the canadian doctor and others too.

 

On or off the boards?  I would say both.  Before this latest wave cranked up my mental s/x were at low hum.  It was just enough to keep me from normal.  I kept feeling like my emotions sat on a plate that could be tipped at any moment yet I was living in a new functionality.  I was living beside my s/x instead of in them.  It had me asking that 'is it me or benzo' question.  Then it cranked up and here I am.  It is much easier to deal with a wave that makes it's presence known quickly versus one that laps at your ankles and slowly rises to your knees, then waist and finally before you realize it you are just trying to keep your head above water because you've gotten used to the feel of it.  I prefer to know my enemy then have it come disguised.

 

So.. with that said, before I get on the boards I have rules in place.  I have to have finished my home duties..kitchen clean, dinner planned, laundry..etc.  I also make sure kids are handled and if there is any website stuff I do that. 

 

Vertigo said something too that helped me:  The goal, IMO, is not to eliminate fear, but to curb it and not let it get too "out of control" and if it does, to accept and go with the flow.  Dirty anxiety, as it is sometimes referred to, is the anxiety about having anxiety, guilt about feeling guilty or depressed... Clean anxiety and fear can be healthy and normal.  Clean anxiety might be getting nervous before giving a speech or going to a PTO meeting with many other moms or to discuss a problem with teachers.

 

Like right now my 3 year old has suddenly started a barking cough.  It has me awake and listening.  I am excepting that our body is allowed to have sensations of concern.  My job is not to let them overtake me. 

 

I am also thinking of Floc and Sky.  Lot's of physical suffering.  Sky - eventually you will be able to read.  I completely understand what you are feeling.  My brain hurts when I have to think intently.  It's like an old bed spring creaking in there.  Floc - You are in my prayers.  The only thing I know to comfort you with is that how you react to this is going to be colored with w/d.  Please let us know how we can comfort you.  I am praying for your bridge out of this.  I am hoping the doctors comments are helping with you both.  I only know what helps me.  My counselor tells me healing is a 3 prong effect... body, mind and soul.  Put them in a pyramid and deal with which ever one is at the top.. are you in pain.. that gets dealt with first.  Mind going crazy, deal with that.  But then there is the spirit man.  How do you deal with him?

 

For me of course it is knowing there is a God in heaven who is aware of my situation and see's me right where I am.  One of my prayer partners sent me this a few days ago as she felt I needed it:

 

_______________

 

Do you remember when Sarai sent Hagar into Abram so he could have an heir by her?  In Genesis 16:7-13 it's such a beautiful exchange between Hagar and the Lord Jesus Christ when he appears to her, having been harshly dealt with by Sarai. 

In verse 13 it says, "Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said "Have I also here seen Him who sees me?"

vs. 14:  Therefore the well was called Beer Lahai Roi  ...That name means:  Well of the One Who Lives and SEES ME!!

 

OHHH, when I read that I rejoiced!!  I thought of you R, and wanted to run to tell you that He sees you, He is moved, He hears, He will deliver, and He has a plan beyond deliverance.  See Also Exodus 3:1-10. 

 

____________

 

I am so sorry for everyone's suffering, but happy for those stolen moments we get of glorious normal.  I am picturing Green on her bike and the feel of the air.  Wow, it's amazing.  My days are very normal.  If it wasn't for the sweating and minor dizziness I wouldn't notice a thing.  Tonight is the first night I have woken up in 5 nights.  I'm pretty happy with that. 

 

Nova - You are a steady stream in this process.  "The hug of this group... the embrace of each other and healing'... I am feeling this right now.  Thank you.

 

Okay, I am going to sip on my Teechino and eat cheese while Sponge Bob.  I don't why I like that show, but I do..

 

MommyR

[[Mo...]]

Hi Peace, I wanted to let you know what I do for severe anxiety - it helps me. I listen to a tape on youtube - Stop Stress and Anxiety by Thomas Hall. It is mild hypnosis - his voice tells you that you are relaxed, the voice tells you that you are walking down a beautiful staircase into a garden and so on. When I sense that the bad anxiety is coming on, I go lie down and put the ear phones on - I play the tape (22 min). The first time, I don't relax much so I keep playing it until the anxiety goes away - it takes a few plays for me to calm down. With this tape, you can sit up and get up any time - it is not like hypnosis in the movies. I find that the counting down works for me. If the anxiety is really bad or if I am getting ready for bedtime, I use "Free Can't Sleep Insomnia Relief Hypnosis", also youtube. This is 50 min with several count downs and guided images. I am usually asleep by the end of the tape.

 

We are all suffering so much. If anybody remembers if they had more hope after month six, please let me know. I am having a bad time and feel like there is no way out. Thanks.

~Allie

 

I"m sure others will come on here, but yes, I made huge strides from months 4-8.  In month 8 I had my first 100% hour experiences.  I also found myself only tracking s/x that stood out to me instead of the everyday little things that seemed would be there forever.  Even with all the stuff going on now it is much better then the constant struggle I had in months 1-4. 

 

Don't despair.  There is a way out.  This is going to end.  Hang in there with us.  Good job on doing what you can to minimize the s/x.  Post your s/x so others can let you know you aren't alone.  Quite a few of us have the sweats.  What else is bothering you?  I hope you are sleeping right now!

 

MommyR. 

[[No...]]

Life ... "stimulus -- belief -- and response" ... my first "response" to this is that it contains a wealth of information and teaching ... and ... that there is the potential for a significant "dis-connect" ... and for me "dis-connect" means confusion ...

 

The quest for determining "what is me" and "what is the drug" for me is very challenging ... I have exposed myself to many varieties of "process" work over the last forty years ... and each and every one has value ... and each and every one requires that I use my discernment and experience to determine their efficacy for me "in the moment" ... very challenging ...

 

Regarding the journey each of us are recording on this thread ... I am coming to believe there is a "spectrum" of what is "possible" during the many "stages" of this journey ...

 

I have "changed" or "shifted" often during the journey from my time before the drug until where I am today on this journey ... and I know in my bones that at many places on this journey what is "possible" for me today was not "possible" then ...

 

Regarding "intention" and the phenomenon of "windows and waves" ... all I know right now is that I do "interact" with this phenomenon ... I do not know that I can "cause" then, or perhaps rather, can "generate" them ... right now I doubt this "possibility" ... and this doubt is based on where I am on this journey and the "reflections" I have been able to muster and share ...

 

For me, right now, my "responsibility" to my healing is to be aware of my "interactions" and to the best of my abilities, in the moment, choose not to add more stress to a process already fraught with extraordinary amounts of stress ... physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually ...

 

Today, I believe my "powers" are limited ... and I believe my healing is beyond my "control" ... and I know these beliefs do not diminish me ... rather these beliefs are assisting me in exploring the "nature" of this journey ... these beliefs for me are not "limiting" ... rather they help keep me "grounded" while experiencing and exploring the oftentimes limitless boundaries and geography of benzo recovery ...

 

Life, please share more of your insights from your retreat ... I find them stimulating and challenging ... I believe there is great value in this "conversation" ... and as you have come to know, I am often a cautious old plod ...

 

 

 

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... Mrs Nova gets back tomorrow evening ... goodie ... had a friend here since Thursday and she left a bit ago ... so I was not alone ...

 

Still in my head pressure wave stuff ... waxes and wanes ... just doesn't go away ... as many others have described ... and the sleep stuff is pretty messed up ... oh well ... at least my anxiety, although pretty constant, has chosen not to be overly dramatic for a few days ...

 

My "friend" had not spent any long period of time with me these past few years ... and she has known me since before the drug ... we have had many phone conversations and short visits ... spending time with someone in benzo recovery was "interesting" for her ... her general comments were that she feels I am getting better, which is reassuring ... and ... she realizes she can only empathize with what I am going through ... there is no way she can "understand" it ... such acceptance is precious ...

 

Have a good Sunday ...

[[fl...]]

(((Mommy)))

 

[[No...]]

I'm having a major flare in anxiety and I'm home alone with my kids for the next 4 hours. Something weird is going on. My symptoms have been pretty steady until a few days ago. Strong tinnitus and depression. Now, huge anxiety, headache, stomach upset. Just have to get through the next 4 hours.

Is this withdrawal?!?! At 8.5 months?!?

 

Prayers are welcome. Going to try some chamomile tea.

 

Peace2

 

It can be.

 

When I get anxious (in general, and while in withdrawal), I sometimes have a cup of kava tea.

[[je...]]

Hi guys,

 

I've been super stressed out the last few days... We got our non shedding puppy and my kids are still getting hives when they touch him. I'm reading now that people can have allergies to pet dander and not hair. Of course now that we are all in love with him, I'm stuck trying to figure out what to do. I had allergy shots when I was a child and that's always a possibility but it takes time, like everything else and I don't know if I can handle all this stress for a while. I've been feeling jittery and nervous, having a hard time sleeping, head pressure is always there... I could use some prayers too. Hope your all feeling good today, jenny