6-12 month thread....

[[No...]]

Whoot ... when things get really wobbly I have made a "clean out the fridge" split pea soup ... takes several hours and I get "lost" in doing it ... great distraction and I end up with lunch for several days ...

 

Quite simple and all that stirring is soothing ... two and half cups split peas and 8 cups of stock ... then open the fridge, if it ain't nailed down, embedded, moving or furry into the pot it goes ... chop it all pretty fine and stir until the "Beast" falls asleep from boredom ...

 

[[No...]]

Hi NotGleeful  ... nice to see you ...

[[No...]]

Sky ... good night ... have a good rest ... we never go backwards ... it just feels like it sometimes ... Thursday is a new day ...

 

[[No...]]

Coop ... you were right about the movie ... I never laughed once ... oh well ... I only like syrup on my French toast ...

 

I am too much of a neat freak to get into "bach-ing" ... sometimes drives Mrs Nova up one wall, across the ceiling, and down the next wall, where she sometimes pirouettes on my "neat freakiness" and says "hmmm ..."

 

She says that a lot ... is there something I am not getting? ...

[[Gr...]]

HH...I hate to hear that you are having such a tough day. ..Me too...I was so focused on the first year. At 10 months I got one of my worst s/x...head pressure and dizziness. I have been frantic and full of anxiety. The article ht the Canadian physician also helped me...huge help to calm down a little and lean into this second year with less emphasis on push push push to "get all of my life back ". Now I am trying to work with whatever is in front of me ( not as easy as it sounds as we all know).

.....It has to be discouraging to get to a year and have this kind of wave. I hope it lets up over the day. Some of my waves are much shorter now...sometimes more intense but shorter. However this last wave was 3/4 weeks but seems to be fading and leaving a better baseline. 

...Hold on HH..this wave will lift and you will be back to where you were before it descended on you....wishing you a a much better afternoon....coop

 

Yes, Coop, again I'm tag teaming you.  I had a tough time with the Canadian doctor.  I struggled with another year, at first.  But I'm settling into it now.  I've had my worst times with waves when I was "shocked" that I was having another one, that I wasn't "healed" yet.  So even though I thought I was accepting, I really wasn't, I wasn't letting go of the process. 

 

After consideration, I feel myself accepting more, accepting that, yes, it's another year.  I feel a lot better than I did at six months, but yeah, I have to go slow and let my body heal.  Yeah, I'm going to get the waves. Hopefully it will be easier than the first year.  But, yeah, I have to treat myself as still healing, I can't throw the crutches down and run back to the "old life."  As we said in the past, our bodies will take the time they will take to heal.  The only thing we really have control over is how we take care of ourselves during the process. 

[[No...]]

Allie ... how are you doing? ... for many of us folks this is a long, slow process ... and we often do not "feel" a lot of improvement ... and the healing is indeed happening ... "baselines" are improving ... and we seem to get more "respite" the further along we progress ... we are giving ourselves such a wonderful gift by "enduring" this healing ...

 

[[Gr...]]

I am one year out this September, and I'm feeling so good!

 

Happy Birthday, NotGleeful!!  This is a real benzo free celebration!

[[Gr...]]

Congratulations NotGleeful - your post is well timed - a lot of us, including me, are still struggling. Thank you for the post - I was just feeling down and then I saw your post.

 

HealingHope, sorry to hear of your suffering. I can relate. I have been listening to hypnosis meditations for the relief of panic and anxiety - it has taken the edge off.

 

It seems like it has been a tough time lately for some of us. Sending out best wishes for better days for all of us.

 

~Allie

 

Allie, where you're at, that was about as hard as it gets, at least it was for me.  You just need to get through this bump, and it's going to get better. The anxiety and the panic is the worst.  That's gone for me at 10 1/4 months.  I couldn't bear it, and one day I was surprised to notice it was just gone, just like that.  And it will happen for you.

 

Have you tried that yoga breathing?  It's 4x short, sharp breaths, in through the nose, hold count of 6, then release slowly through the mouth?  You can keep repeating it.

 

Feel better. 

[[Gr...]]

Hello everybody, just checking in after a day in hell. I am on my way to bed so I checked in to see what's up.

 

My brain today is far worse than usual, my mind wanders more and I was unable to folllow a silly movie on Tv. Reading is hard too. I had not been that bad concentration wise, in a few months, it sure brought me back to the beginning.

 

Strong vibrations, but at least today, the whole thing did not discourage me. And that is soo important.

 

I read a buddy before saying she as at one year and is feeling great. I hope she will elaborate.

 

Please, about the canadian doctor's article, I find the two year timeframe so depressing, especially after days like today. Rationally, I understand that two years is a realistic assessment, but my rational side  isn't  in charge at the moment. I am glad you all found the article encouraging, but I would have phrased it differently especially for people in wd, a day feels like a year. Just because it is true it doesn't mean I have to obsess about it.

 

I know that two years doesn't mean that every single day will be like today, I know that she means it takes two years to be completely healed, but as I said, these days, rationality is not my scene. Anyway, if she meant it, she could have said it, there are very sick people here and people in wd have cognitive problems, and I am one of them, big time !

 

Sorry I criticized it , I know you  all found the article very inspiring but  another year of this madness is a thought that could break all the sanity I have been fighting to keep in wd.

 

Take care everybody, have a good night. 

 

Sky, feel better.  Have a good night.  This is going to get better, and before two years. 

[[Gr...]]

Green ... my "hard hat" deflects all those branches ... it is kinda' cool to get knocked about when it doesn't hurt ... 

 

Sort of like benzo recovery ... humming along minding my own business, or someone else's as the case may be, and "whack" ... wobble a little, and keep going ... then "whack" ... wobble again ... keep going again ... gotta speak with the folks who "maintain" this "benzo track" ... the decal on my hat says  "got the block head covered whack away" ...

 

Thanks for the "pick me up" ...

 

 

Yeah, Nova, we're getting quite good at whack, wobble, and keep going.  Lol.

[[mr...]]

Hi gang,

 

Just wanted to check in and say hi I want to describe some things to see if anyone else has felt this way

 

*feeling "threat" of 'bad' panic -- like, "scenario XYZ happening means 'bad' 'doom/panic'", even though scenario or thing XYZ is NOT threatening or scary. Also having this changes on a daily basis -- it is fine most days, just "appears" "not fine" on a goofy day.

 

*feeling the temporary "revisit" of old & passed faux-fears -- like, you've done task or scenario XYZ 100 times, and overcame 1000 times already, and you KNOW you're NOT afraid of it whatsoever, just on goofy days faux-fear attaches to it.

 

I hope I am describing these correctly. Coop, you mentioned noticing Ativan/lorazepam being a bit of a "bugger" with the symptoms of fear/panic; I think I've also observed this in other Xanax/alprazolam withdrawalers too It has created strength within me like I've never had before -- it is so true that what was meant for my harm has been, and is being, used for my good and betterment -- I'm so excited for who I'm becoming, and who I'll be at the end of all this! I surely don't like walking through it, of course -- but I am grateful for who I am becoming!! I am proud of me. Dare I say? -- yes, I do dare say!

 

In grateful for this thread, and for all the people here. How grand it is to come on here, maybe experiencing thoughts of doubt or lowered hope, only to read that others are, in fact, experiencing the same symptom(s) you are, and to receive reassurance again that, of course, you are doing great and that full recovery belongs to you! Anyways, lol Long story short -- I'm grateful Sending love your way, gang Take care for now

 

Mrs.

[[He...]]

UGH...tough day.  :'(  LOTS of anxiety that is all physical anxiety (chest tightness, weird currents under my skin that makes it feel like something is going to short-curcuit, nausea, shaking, some head pressure, some dizziness), with a layer of fear for good measure.  I just feel awful and have been fighting it since I woke up and I had that dread feeling that comes around.  I probably should have went for a walk this morning, but I didn't.  Stayed in bed and hid under my covers for as long as I could.  I am struggling to hang in here for the day, but I will give it my best. 

 

I don't understand the non-linear style of healing this brings with it.  It just is really hard to accept feeling good and then feeling like I am plunging backwards.  It's mentally taxing...but I am holding on to what that doctor said regarding staying strong so WHEN (not if) the waves come up, even the really bad ones, I don't make it worse for myself.  I think I have some additional anxiety about healing because I really held on to the 14 month mark.  I thought for sure I'd be done by then.  That article does help to quiet some of my "it's me, I'm the ONE" fears.  Two years.  24 months. Lots of good days, some bad days.  I'll hit 15 months a week from today.  That means I still have 9 months left of healing, and it's normal.  Deep exhale, feeling some relief with that.  It's normal and I'm still healing. 

 

OK, I can do this.  WE can do this.

 

HH, I found the doctor article positive, but I was also a little upset.  Two years seems so overwhelming.  But Coop has it right, we can't have arbitrary timelines for healing, or we're going to be very, very upset when we get these waves.  That has always knocked me for a loop, thinking I'm better and then the next wave.  And remember, you're going to have far more good days.  So hang in there.

 

I looked up National Glacier Park, it looks so beautiful.  I promised myself a trip, hiking maybe, when I'm better

 

I think the reason that I found it reassuring is that I am over the "14 month average" for healing.  That scared me pretty badly when I was 14+ and getting slammed with the worse wave than I have had since before hitting one year.  I was able to think, "OK, this can still be normal and I can still heal 100%".  My fear is that things are going to get worse.  I can handle (mostly, though days like today are HORRIBLE!) that length of time IF the overall trend keeps going upward.  I am terrified of getting worse.

 

If you were checking out where we went on our field trip, it was to Crater Lake National Park.  It is the deepest lake in the United States and the 2nd deepest in North America.  It is a beautiful blue, even when you are right at the surface.  Gorgeous place!   

[[ga...]]

HH...I understand your fears going forward.  I am hitting 15 months shortly.  I worry also that this should be moving at a faster pace than it is.  Frustrating having such a miserable time as of late.  In my case, I do attribute it to some outside stressors.  I don't want others to assume that 13-14 months are miserable.  Not necessarily the case, as you've seen from postings.  I am going to wait until my heart issues are resolved and I can put some stressors behind me.  Hopefully, I will be back on track.  Would love to see the sleep resolve and the anxiety wane.

 

 

Green Ice...You're so right.  I am the family worry wart.  More than enough on my part to cover any of my wife's worries.  I need to adapt her one day at a time approach.  Works great for her.  I'm still wrestling with it.

[[Gr...]]

UGH...tough day.  :'(  LOTS of anxiety that is all physical anxiety (chest tightness, weird currents under my skin that makes it feel like something is going to short-curcuit, nausea, shaking, some head pressure, some dizziness), with a layer of fear for good measure.  I just feel awful and have been fighting it since I woke up and I had that dread feeling that comes around.  I probably should have went for a walk this morning, but I didn't.  Stayed in bed and hid under my covers for as long as I could.  I am struggling to hang in here for the day, but I will give it my best. 

 

I don't understand the non-linear style of healing this brings with it.  It just is really hard to accept feeling good and then feeling like I am plunging backwards.  It's mentally taxing...but I am holding on to what that doctor said regarding staying strong so WHEN (not if) the waves come up, even the really bad ones, I don't make it worse for myself.  I think I have some additional anxiety about healing because I really held on to the 14 month mark.  I thought for sure I'd be done by then.  That article does help to quiet some of my "it's me, I'm the ONE" fears.  Two years.  24 months. Lots of good days, some bad days.  I'll hit 15 months a week from today.  That means I still have 9 months left of healing, and it's normal.  Deep exhale, feeling some relief with that.  It's normal and I'm still healing. 

 

OK, I can do this.  WE can do this.

 

HH, I found the doctor article positive, but I was also a little upset.  Two years seems so overwhelming.  But Coop has it right, we can't have arbitrary timelines for healing, or we're going to be very, very upset when we get these waves.  That has always knocked me for a loop, thinking I'm better and then the next wave.  And remember, you're going to have far more good days.  So hang in there.

 

I looked up National Glacier Park, it looks so beautiful.  I promised myself a trip, hiking maybe, when I'm better

 

I think the reason that I found it reassuring is that I am over the "14 month average" for healing.  That scared me pretty badly when I was 14+ and getting slammed with the worse wave than I have had since before hitting one year.  I was able to think, "OK, this can still be normal and I can still heal 100%".  My fear is that things are going to get worse.  I can handle (mostly, though days like today are HORRIBLE!) that length of time IF the overall trend keeps going upward.  I am terrified of getting worse.

 

If you were checking out where we went on our field trip, it was to Crater Lake National Park.  It is the deepest lake in the United States and the 2nd deepest in North America.  It is a beautiful blue, even when you are right at the surface.  Gorgeous place! 

 

HH,

 

Have you been struggling with sx all this time?  I sort of assumed you were weren't.

 

Crater Lake!  duh.  I looked up glacier national park.  That looks nice, too.  I will look up crater.

 

I've heard the 12-14.  But I've heard a lot of people say two years.  The good addiction clinic web sites all say two years.  My friend, the psychiatric nurse, says two years.  I think all along I was hearing what I wanted to hear, what I needed to hear at the time.  When I was really suffering, I couldn't handle two years.  You couldn't tell me it was going to get better.  I wasn't rational

 

I think we get a lot better at 12-14 months. I think healing continues for two years.  It's individual, too, not cookie cutter.  Our bodies are all different, which is why we all have different clusters of symptoms at different times.

 

I hope you're feeling better.  If not, you soon will be.   

[[je...]]

Wow, lots of great posts tonight. I just read through all the posts and want to comment on all of them, but my memory is bad right now. Just want to let  you all know your in my thoughts and prayers tonight. Jenny 

[[No...]]

Good Morning from the Maritimes ...

 

Last year when Mrs Nova went off for her "Minis" Camp I was getting to end of my taper ... had just endured two years of tapering ... and "progressing" alone ... and had the "void" of being off the drug still in front of me ... what a difference a year makes ...

 

October, November, and December have for many years been a "difficult" time for me for some reason ... never have figured it out ... I "blame" it on the Time-Keepers who mess with our experience of the seasons twice a year ... oh well ... one of my "mysteries" ...

 

Broken sleep last night ... got some rest ... got a little charge back in the old batteries ... I seem to be in a pretty persistent wave ... head and sinus pressure ... and some "nerve" stuff ... and my nuisance friends, anxiety and dread ... sneezing like a puppy who can't keep his nose out things ... reminds me that phrase I learned from Latin class too many years ago "Fish and guests smell in three days" ...

 

Not a "dark" wave ... just an annoying one that says "Hi, I'm still here" ... my mood is good ... got a fair bit of "bounce" ...

 

Well, its Thursday, Folks ... another notch in our Benzo Belt ...

 

[[No...]]

Mrs ... "Be" proud ... yes, there certainly is this constant "swigging" between "goofy days" and the better times ... for me, that is one of signs of our healing  ...

 

Thank you for your encouragement and insights.

 

 

 

[[Be...]]

Will reach the one-year mark on the 28th!  The countdown is ON! 

 

I'd say I'm about 85% healed most days and 80% healed around "that time" of the month.  Still have no sex drive, am overweight w/ benzo belly and can't achieve quite the level of euphoria I used to reach.  And my bowels are screwed (IBS w/ constipation).  Blah.  But the overwhelming OCD/panic/insomnia trio is nearly gone, along with the soul-crushing depression. 

 

Anyone feel 100% healed in this group? 

 

 

[[pa...]]

I felt about 90% healed for a couple of months, but the last couple of weeks things went sideways: early morning waking, nausea, loss of appetite, adrenaline surges... all that crap is back.  It feels like it's winding down again, but all of this is so unpredictable.  The symptoms flared after a flu shot; however, that could be totally unrelated.  The only thing that's certain in this journey is that you never know what's around the next corner. 

[[pe...]]

So, when depression waves in, I 'should' just wave back at it and wait for it to pass? Because part of me wants to beat the 'I can't take it. There's got to be a med for this' drum. Again.

 

Around one more time. aghhhhhhh!

[[No...]]

Paperboat ... yep ... we never know ... after having flu shots for several years and no noticeable reaction, had quite a reaction last year ... over the moon reaction ... as with you, don't know if it is related ... no flu shot for me this year ...

 

I don't have "around the corner vision" either ... haven't met anyone who does ... we just keep on sledding ...

[[No...]]

Peace ... yuk ... sorry I am not aware that I have had issues with "depression" ... at least not as I notice ...

 

And, that "where is the med for this" song isn't going to help at all ... sorry this one is playing for you again ... this one will stop playing just like all the others ... take care my friend ...

[[Co...]]

Hi Jenny...how are you doing? I was glad to see your post yesterday. I was thinking about you and hoping that you are feeling better. ..coop

[[Co...]]

Nova....so happy to hear that you have " a little charge " back. Me too,  some s/x cycling and head pressure here one day.  gone the next only to come back ...or cycling in and out all in the same day...But....dizziness seems to be winding down. I am feeling somewhat more ability to ' go with ' the head pressure and stay out of the rip tides of catastrophic thinking.

....My mental s/x are taking a nice nap and all is quiet. I would rate my baseline at 85-90% .  The 2 year timeline statement by the Canadian physician seemed to provide some ' breathing room ' for me that has allowed for a little release from the panicky feeling of, " its almost -12 months.. getting to 14 months and I am not healed....I am going to be the one who doesn't heal " Having said that I do believe the worst days of w/d are behind us and that re- entry and recovering g from the trauma of w/d could easily take another year. I have always been a meandering slow traveled so I can accept that. I know more waves are coming but today ( knock on wood) I feel certain that 10o% healing will ocurr....at whatever time it ocurrs.

......Enjoy your ' bounce ' and have a very good day.  coop

[[Mo...]]

So, when depression waves in, I 'should' just wave back at it and wait for it to pass? Because part of me wants to beat the 'I can't take it. There's got to be a med for this' drum. Again.

 

Around one more time. aghhhhhhh!

 

I do not like depression AT ALL.  It is the one emo that brings despair.  For me I immediately get on the treadmill and exercise.  I call my family and email my prayer partners for happy, funny stories.  The exercise gives me relief after about 10minutes of walking.  I can feel the endorfines releasing.  I also lean into my kids, like how silly or funny they are.  Because the emo hits me between the forehead in the morning I get up and away from it immediately like jumping on the boards.  My counselor also has me do an exercise which works very good.  I list everything from Phillipians 4:8.. whatever things are pure, lovely, good report, ets.. I have list of things that I thank God for.

 

I also immerse myself in other peoples joy and remove myself from my brain.  Does that make sense?  I ask ask ask everyone who is happy why they are in a good mood,etc.  Music is also helpful to me during this emotion.  Put on the happy song. 

 

Sorry you are experiencing this..  It will go away.