back again

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

So happy to hear that things are going smoothly for you and your kitties. I've been praying for you.

 

It will be good to have your 2 boys back home.

 

            Love,

 

                          Jade

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

Hope things are still moving in a good direction for you. Thinking about you and your kitties.

 

 

        Love, Jade

[[po...]]

thanks Jade, they are still improving and the kitties will be home within a few days.

 

much love to you  :smitten:

[[Li...]]

 

 

Great news, Polenta!

 

So glad things are going well.  I bet those boys miss you!

 

Love,

Lily

[[Ja...]]

Hi Polenta,

 

Hope all is well with you and your kitties. Are they home yet? Are things smoothing out yet for you?

 

Geez, I am getting hit the hardest ever, worse than last summer. Did you get hit harder before a turnaround?

 

Praying for you and kitties. What are their names?

 

 

                Love, Jade

[[po...]]

I'm so sorry Jade, I haven't visited my thread for ages, I have got a stomach virus and have just hit the end of my 4th week with it, and for some reason I don't feel like looking at BB much.  Anyway, I am so sorry you are feeling so crap, I went through a few years of feeling mediocre , ie, not acute wd, but still too crappy to enjoy life in any way, and I couldn't understand why I didn't have the tiny windows any more before I realised that I had become sensitive to caffeine.  After I had been off caffeine for about a year, I began to feel so much better, but I still have the fatigue that caffeine wd initiated.  So my answer won't be much help to you.Sorry this reply is so late!

[[Ja...]]

Dear Polenta,

 

So sorry about that stomach virus. I'm sure it will let up soon, it's hung on so long. You must feel so drained.

 

Are your kitty boys home and doing better?

 

Actually, it seems as though I never had much acute wx at the beginning except for insomnia. I think I was in wx from opiates and the other meds I was on.

 

At 3 months off it started to slowly begin with various sx and just kept escalating. I am in real agony with pain and all the intense sx I have now, at just hitting 57 months off. Everything seems to be driven by adrenaline and it is still getting worse, all of it. I was tested for adrenaline disorders 2 years ago, the Endocrinologist insisted nothing was wrong. So?

I am really feeling hopeless.

 

Thank you for your concern and kind words. About caffeine, have not drank any in years, no colas either. A few months after detox (I think?) I started drinking a small cup a day, but stopped several months later as adrenaline started up. Never made a difference.

 

Hoping things will improve for you. I pray for you daily.

 

          Love,

                      Jadetortoise

[[po...]]

I was the same, not many sx apart from no sleep initially, but Una Corbett told me that some people don't get any sx for months and months, and a very few don\t hit true wd for a year.  I am so glad you aen't drinking any caffeine, I so wish  I had stopped it sooner.

 

I think the hopelessness is unavoidable, but please try and keep a tiny space at the back of your mind that believes that you will get better one day, because that is the truth.  I used to have all those tests too, they cost a fortune and were a complete waste of money because I always hoped they would show something curable.  But I think it is a good idea to get them done, just so you know.

 

The pain is so awful isn't it, and the only release is sleep, and when you don't even get that it is so hard.  I am so glad that all that has stopped for me and it will for you too.

 

Yes the kitties are home and better, but stressed out by my irritability, anything that affects my immune system still has the power to give  me a setback.

 

Thinking of you and Lily and all my BB friends

[[Ja...]]

Thank you Polenta,

 

Your answers give me hope and strength.

 

I just really don't understand how it could be this severe, I mean feel like I am dying, at 57 months off.

 

I'm glad your kitties are home with you. Is their fungal problem pretty much resolved?

 

I hope your immune system gets stronger after all this time. I always keep you and kitties in my prayers.

 

Maybe one day I'll be able to talk about happier subjects.

 

        Love, Jadetortoise

[[po...]]

I know, it's unbelievable isn't it?  and so difficult for one's friends and family (if one has any of either) to understand too.

 

Yes the fungal problem has resolved.

 

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

So glad the problem has resolved for your kitties. Those poor boys deserve a break. I hope you can spoil them now!

 

Prayers so you start feeling better soon too. It is so sad to feel badly at this time of year.

 

I just want to have a calm CNS, be able to function in daily life and enjoy simple pleasures again. I pray it starts to happen before long.

 

        Love, Jadetortoise

[[po...]]

Thanks Jade, I have never enjoyed Christmas time, but since I have been feeling better, it no longer depresses me.  I hate all the fuss about Christmas which begins months in advance, and it was always a bad time with my dysfunctional family.  The weather is so dark and gloomy too, since climate change happened we don't have that lovely crisp cold and frosty weather any more, just endless gloom and rain.

 

Sorry to be such a scrooge.

 

I pray your CNS calms down more and more, but remember, it is healing silently and secretly with every hour that passes.

 

:smitten:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[ME...]]

Hi, Polenta, thanks for posting additional info about Vitamin E to Pretty. 

 

 

[[po...]]

I hope it helps!

[[Mo...]]

Great info Polenta on Pretty's Blog, i thank you for it.

[[po...]]

so glad you think so Morreweg. 

[[Li...]]

 

Hi Polenta,

 

I am so glad to hear the boys are home and that the fungal problem is over for all of you!  Now I just hope that soon you are feeling much more well, too.

 

I have had you much on my mind but haven't been on BB to write.  I am trying very hard to find the best way to live while I wait for recovery to come.  These days are still so hard.  I know I am only just under 27 months free and that is not a long time at all for some of us.  But I have to say... it seems like healing is very slow.  I wonder if anyone who has gone through this hasn't thought that though.  So, as I said, I am trying different approaches to life to try to feel better while I wait to be healed. 

 

Even though I am off the forum pretty much, later I hope to read your posts around the forum seeking insight.  You have so much to offer us.  I thank you for you help.

 

Love,

Lily 

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

I agree with Lily. You do have so much insight and experience, and we like you around here.

 

I enjoy reading your posts and research too.

 

I just wish I felt better and could relate to other aspects of life, but I don't actually have one right now to share. Every day is such a struggle for me at this point.

 

About your weather there in the UK: I actually love rain and cloudy days, always have. I wish you could send some of it over here!

 

              Love, Jadetortoise

 

 

 

 

[[po...]]

Lily I think you are very wise, I found a rewarding hobby to help get me through, although I couldn't do it all the time, it helped to have it to look forward to. And thanks for all your kindness.

 

Jade, I love cloudy days too but it gets dark at 4 in the afternoon and it isn't really light until 8am, I think it is the darkness that I mind.  and thank you too for your kndness, I wish you could both meet the catboys.

 

 

:smitten:

 

PS when I was in wd I used to look forward to the darkness of winter, so this is a recent change for me

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

Does it snow where you are at in the UK? I miss the snow so much...If I ever heal I hope to live where it snows.

 

Can I ask you one question? When did your adrenaline become manageable? I mean really able to do things other than ride out surges and racing thoughts from morning til evening? I know everyone is different but this is insanity. I am unable to function like this, literally. Still waiting for a true decrease in this, probably my most brutal symtom. Fearing it is permanent. Not one morning does it stop, ever. :'( I am near jumping out of my skin all day.

 

                          Jadetortoise

[[po...]]

I can't remember Jade, I know it went on almost until the end, but it did vary a lot by the end.  I had t get out because I lived on my own (thank goodness) I would have starved if  I had not gone out, and I enrolled for a class, even though I was not functional - and that tiny bit of routine really helped me.  Even now I still have the odd day of it, hardly ever now though.  I can remember a dreadful few years when I "had to get out of my flat" even though I was agoraphobic, plus the dreadful fear of being alone, which ruled my life for years and years.  Sorry I can't be any clearer, if I remember more, I will post it here.

 

No i doesn't snow much here (any more) it used to before climate change took over.

 

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

I hope your holiday season is nicer this year since you are finally feeling better.

 

Hope you and your kitties have a wonderful Christmas eve.

 

          Love,

 

                    Jadetortoise

[[Mo...]]

Dear Polenta, i want to wish you a Happy Christmas, hope you can

enjoy the Holidays.

[[po...]]

 

Thank you Jade and Morreweg, I hope the same for you (plus lots and lots of healing)

 

 

Polenta

[[Li...]]

 

 

http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z414/Lilyagain/Christmas%202014/snowfallinggif4_zpsc241203b.gif

 

Wishing the three of you a beautiful and especially peaceful Christmas Day.

 

Love,

Lily