back again

[[po...]]

Thanks Lily and Jade, my cat is finishing his 2nd round of antifungals today, they make him a bit depressed and give him diarrhoea, but apart from that he seems ok.  Jade I am so pleased about your NIkki, and I hope she continues to improve.

 

The weather in the uk has suddenly turned autumnal, its a bit of a shock, but I don't really mind the weather when I am feeling ok, and when I was in acute wd it didn't make any difference, apart from when it was very hot…..

 

I am just so tired all the time, I wish I could get some energy from somewhere.

 

I am going to check up on you two now….

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

Glad to hear your precious kitty is doing as well as can be expected. How is his brother doing lately?

 

I sure would love some fall weather here---90's every day, won't cool down probably til Oct.

 

Nikki will never be out of the woods with her renal failure, :'( but she is able to walk and eat and use the litter box. She has a fear of heights it seems now, which I can understand after her fall. Especially with how dizzy I am, I can relate to how she feels. I just wish she'd try to use her cat climber and go back up into her special "nest," up in the closet. That where she goes in the winter, when it is cooler outside. It's hard for her to jump now also, possibly arthritis in her back legs.

 

I sure can understand you feeling tired, look at all you've been going through. Sending you healing energy and prayers.

 

                  JadeT.

[[po...]]

Thanks Jade, I do understand Nikki's situation, it must be so worrying all the time for you.  Could you find her an alternative nest a bit lower down now she can't climb any more?

 

Regarding the weather, for the first time I have been enjoying the hot weather (apart from when it is extremely humid) something I never thought I would be able to do again, so in spite of the cat stress, it has been the best summer for me since I came off  benzos .  Fingers crossed that it happens again.

 

Thinking of you and sending you hope and healing vibes.

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

Last 11 days slammed even harder... :'(

 

I'm glad you can enjoy summer again. I wonder if I will ever feel even a tiny fraction of being human again. These sx are now way more intense than last summer for me. I am really fearful that something else is wrong making benzo wx worse.

Did you feel hopeless?  I am nearing 4.5 years of increasing sx---I am at the end of what I can literally take.

 

Sorry to be a downer.

 

Sending healing vibes to you and kitties. I say, enjoy the fall weather!

 

            JadeT

[[po...]]

of course I felt hopeless, I only stopped myself from jumping off the roof of my flat because I had 2 cats to look after, of course I felt hopeless, that is all part of the wd. 

 

I do hope you are not still taking vitamin d, that made me suicidal all over again.

 

thinking of you...

[[Ja...]]

Hi Polenta,

 

Hope everything is okay. Kitties too. Have you gotten any rest? 

 

Still struggling here.   

 

            JadeT

 

[[po...]]

sorry you are still struggling.  I have got some rest but the fatigue is still from the caffeine wd, so I  am still exhausted. 

[[Li...]]

 

 

Just coming by with hugs for you and your boys.

 

Love,

❤

Lily

[[po...]]

thanks Lily, I hope you are feeling a bit better! 

[[Ja...]]

Hi Polenta,

 

Just saying hello...hope you are getting some rest and both kitties are doing well too.

 

My Nikki is holding her own so far.

 

Just wish this adrenaline and dizziness and all of it would give me a break.

 

Are you still enjoying autumn weather? Do you get "Indian Summer" over there?

 

              Love, JadeT

[[po...]]

Hi Jade,

 

both little boys seem ok, and we only have one and a half more round of antifungals to go.

 

I am glad Nikki is holding her own.

 

The weather is easier than hot and humid, but it is unseasonably cold, which I could do without.  We do get Indian Summers here, but at the moment we are having a polar autumn.

 

Are you taking any supplements at the moment, I can't remember.

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

How is your kitty coming along? How are you doing lately?

 

Love and prayers to you and kitties.

 

            Jade

 

   

[[Ja...]]

Dear Polenta,

 

I hope you are doing okay. I hope the stress you are going thru is temporary and lifts soon.

 

Hugs to you and kitties.

 

                  Love, Jade

[[po...]]

thanks Jade, the stress is still happening plus the other boy seems to have caught the funga l infection from his brother, so they are both on anti fungals now.  I wish I were better at handling stress…..

[[Ja...]]

Oh Polenta

 

I'm so sorry that both kitties are on antifungals now.

 

Sorry aout all the stress. I am living it too. Our nervous systems are left so much more delicate now I think.

 

I will pray for you and send more healing thoughts.

 

                    Jade

[[po...]]

:smitten:jade, and I will do the same for you!

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

I finally had another almost 2 hour lifting, (I don't really call them windows), last night about 1:30-3:20 AM.

 

Of course it started up again At 3:30 when I finally went to bed. Got between 4-5 hours of sleep, broken 2x.

 

And slammed so badly today, the day from hell. :'( At 54 months. This always happens. I literally feel psychotic things are so bad now, all day long. Adrenaline killing me and all the rest.

 

Did you still have bad adrenaline at 54 months off? No improvement here, like other people get.

 

And other stresses I am dealing with, like my cat getting out of holes in the pool screen, she stopped doing that a long time ago. With her conditions she could pass out back there somewhere. There's all kinds of animals, snakes, esp at night. I almost fell, spiking foot neuropathy trying to get her in when I found her. Usually she won't even attempt this because she seems to have arthritis and limps a bit.

 

Hope things are lightening up for you, and the kitties are doing okay.

 

  Love, Jade

[[Li...]]

Oh Polenta,

 

I am so sorry to hear that your other little boy is now not well.  I know that the stress is so hard on you.

 

It is the first one doing better still?  He should be almost through the rounds of meds. now, I think.  Do you know if he can catch it back again from his brother? 

 

Please let us know how they are doing and when you will have the first one checked out by your Vet.

 

Sending you much support.  (I am not here too much right now.  The wave continues for whatever reason.)

 

Love and prayers to you and the boys,

Lily

 

 

Hi Jade,

 

I just saw your post as I was going to post.  I wanted to say that you have been in my prayers, too, and that I have been praying for your kitty, too. 

 

I hope you are able to be more well soon.  I am so sorry.

 

Love and Prayers,

Lily

[[po...]]

thanks Lily, sorry you are still so bad.

 

Jade i was feeling like you do for  many many years, I have pmd you about this in the past, and  I don;t want to frighten people.  there is no point in comparing yourself with me (I have been dreadfully unlucky}  sorry to be so brief, but I am worn out at the moment.

[[Ja...]]

Poor Polenta,

 

Sorry about your kitties and how hard things are for you right now.

 

I did not mean to add to your stress level. I am going to go back and reread your old pms to me. I have forgotten alot of  what I asked you.

 

Sending you strength and healing.

 

      Jade

[[po...]]

Jade you will get better, you absolutely will. 

 

If only I could do something to make it happen, if only I could.  I am so  sorry you are going through it and so sorry that my life was such hell for so many many years.  I wish I had never heard of benzodiazepines.

 

 

 

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

I know Polenta. Why did this have to happen to any of us? Why are some people capable of serious wrongdoing to other people and animals, and never seem to suffer?

 

I have always believed in karma. I hope I'm paying my dues now.

 

            Jade

 

               

[[po...]]

the trouble with karma is it never ends, and this experience has turned me into an angry, suspicious, person who doesn't trust anybody …… so what am I storing up for myself next….

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

You definitely do not sound angry or suspicious to me. Quite the opposite.

 

After all the years you've powered through this, you seem to possess alot of understanding and enlightenment.

 

I hope your exhaustion and fatigue is feeling better.

 

Give your kitties some good scratchies from me.

 

                  Jade

[[po...]]

Wow thank you Jade………..