back again

[[po...]]

Hello dear friends,

 

I wanted to come back to update you on my progress.  I was on benzos and many other mind altering drugs for  approximately 30 years, including  11 mg Ativan, and cold turkeyed many times because of ignorance about withdrawal sx.  I was put on them in my late teens early 20's when I sought advice about domestic violence, I feared that if something was not done, my mother would be killed.  I had no symptoms of anxiety (apart from the natural stress of the situation) and was not depressed. 

 

I finally cold turkeyed 24 years ago and entered a hell which endured for all of that time (I posted on this site about it under the name of polenta).  I want to tell anyone in protracted withdrawal that there is hope of recovery, because, at last I can truly say that I have made a 99% recovery.

 

[[Ju...]]

Hello polenta2,

 

Welcome back to BenzoBuddies polenta!

 

I remember you polenta and I'm so glad you've come back to share your story.  I can't tell you how happy, (words just cannot express), I am for you that you feel your recovery has progressed along to being 99% recovered.  This has brought me some very happy tears this morning.  You deserve this dear polenta and although your road to recovery has taken some detours along the way, it sounds as though you have finally reached your destination.  Well done. 

 

We have possibly rearranged the board a bit since you were last here.  Here are some links to get you restarted:

 

Post-withdrawal & Recovery Support

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

Protracted Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Symptoms

 

If you would like to create a signature, here is how:  Profile>>Forum Profile>>Signature>>Modify Profile.

 

Again, welcome back!     

[[Mo...]]

Hello Polenta,

nice to see you back, nicer even to hear you have made so much progress since you left.

i saw a Polenta2 couple of hours ago online, i told Pretty Daisy i think Polenta is back.

she said i hope so, bet she'll be ever so pleased to see you again.

take care

claudia

[[Be...]]

Wow, that's huge, Polenta.  I'm so happy to hear you're feeling better.

 

Can you attribute your recent healing to something specific?

[[pi...]]

Hi Polenta and welcome back,

 

It's very good to hear from you and with such good news! Thanks for coming back and sharing this with our members.

 

pianogirl

[[be...]]

99% healed...that is just awesome. Thanks for coming back and sharing. It is always nice to read a post that is going to be inspirational to others.

[[po...]]

Thank you all so much, it is good to be back (with good news, for a change).  I will update my sig line, have a quick look round and get back to you   

later.

 

Thanks again, I wasn't sure I would be welcomed back - because of the length of time it has taken me to recover, I know a lot of members found my story frightening and discouraging, as my experience was for ME TOO.

 

Polenta2

 

Now I've got a lot of catching up to do……….

[[ba...]]

I'm very happy for you polenta!  That is a very long time to be in recovery.  I hope you are doing well and can begin to live your life again.  Many of us are candidates for protracted withdrawal; and we appreciate your honesty and commitment to telling the truth. 

 

Hugs,

 

[Guest [to...]]

Hello Polenta, oh thats wonderful news After all those years you deserve to feel on top of the world and stay there.

 

Love and light,

Towards.

 

:smitten: :smitten:

[[pr...]]

Polenta,

 

so happy to hear about this improvement and 99% recovered from this. that's great!

 

love, Pretty

[[Ja...]]

Polenta,

 

I've thought about you very often, wondering how you were doing. I'm so happy to hear your good news of healing 99%!

 

That is really, really great for you. I was hoping you would come back and let us know how you are doing.

 

Your story provides so much hope for me. I know that you have alot of knowledge you can share with us here.

 

                          Sincerely, Jadetortoise

[[gu...]]

I remember you Polenta, so welcome back. I'm really glad you feel 99% healed!

 

You said you c/ted 24 years ago and got hit by portracted w/d for all that time? God, it's great to hear you've beaten it now!

[[...]]

Oh wow! That is awesome, Polenta!

 

Whenever I see 'polenta' on the shelves in shops, I think of you. I saw some the other day and realised how long it had been since I'd seen you write here.

 

I am looking forward to hearing all the details of your recovery.

 

Love from Xana x

 

 

[[po...]]

Wow, that's huge, Polenta.  I'm so happy to hear you're feeling better.

 

Can you attribute your recent healing to something specific?

 

 

 

Yes, to coming off caffeine …… will explain more later  in a hurry today

[[po...]]

thanks again friends, I will write more details about my recovery in a little while 

 

Hugs to you all

[[po...]]

Hello again dear friends,

 

I am trying not to be on the computer for more than two lots of 20 minutes  a day, which is why I keep disappearing.  I find that the less time I spend on the computer, the more I get done in the "real" world.

 

I have written about this before in my previous incarnation but this is the tale of my recovery:

 

About 4 or 5 years ago I stopped getting any good patches, my wd sx were no longer acute but they still made my life hell. I was depressed, anxious, suffering bouts of "fibromyalgia", tinnitus was extreme, but I was used to these sx.At this point  I also suddenly developed eczema and all my chemical sensitivities and food sensitivities got more and more widespread.  I never ever suspected caffeine, I only drank at the most 2 cups of tea a day. 

 

Then one day I went for a walk in a nearby park, for a "treat" I bought a large cappuccino.  I had done that before with no problems, this time I immediately became confused, dizzy and almost unable to walk, I found it very difficult to get home because I couldn't remember the way and I was extremely confused.  When I felt better, the next day, I googled caffeine.

 

I still did not take it very seriously and just decided that I wouldn't drink it any more and expected to feel better after a few days.  I became depressed, extremely anxious, my body stiffened up, I couldn't walk for the pain, I had severe nausea.  I stood it for 5 days by which time I was suicidal. I went back on 

and tapered off over 3 or 4 months.

 

It was very difficult going back on because I had lost my tolerance to caffeine, but I forced myself gradually back on over 2 weeks.  The sx eventually settled down and I was no longer suicidal but I had severe fatigue, severe aches and pains, extreme irritability, extreme muscle weakness, shakes,weird head sensations and cramps, headache, gut problems (constipation for the first time in my life) and many other symptoms which I can't remember at the moment.

 

I found this websitehttp://coffeefaq.com/site/node/11#comment-14193

where I have been posting under the name "anonymous with 60 year habit", and I discovered that it can take 2 years plus to recover from caffeine addiction, 3 years for  a caffeine sensitive person.

 

I also read "Welcome to the Dance" by Ruth Whalen, after I had read the article which I will post separately later on. I have her permission to do so.  Here is a link to the article, but I will copy and paste it elsewhere:

 

http://www.doctoryourself.com/caffeine_allergy.html

 

I have been caffeine free for 15 months, and life has not been so good for me since pre benzo days, decades ago.  Even though I still have fatigue (improving all the time) and when I do too much I still get  very irritable and the back ache

comes back (which is why I am limiting my time on the computer) and I still have muscle weakness.  I used to be proud of my huge biceps, and they have disappeared.

 

 

Why do I say that I have made a 99 per cent recovery from  benzos?

 

I have not had a moment's depression (in the true sense of the word) for over a year, I do not have anxiety (unless there is a reason for being anxious) and I have such a sense of wellbeing - Food tastes so good, sleep is good, and I am able to enjoy my life for the first time since I was young.

 

I am not prepared to discuss this with disbelievers and I am not intending to be on this site as much as I used to be, the less time I am on the computer the better I feel, but I wanted to pass this on,  just in case there are any other unknowingly caffeine sensitive people out there. I think my caffeine sensitivity began when my good patches stopped and that it is just another thing caused by my use of benzos.  Unfortunately it took me 5 years or so to discover what had happened to me - I hope this post may help others not to waste even more years of ill health.

 

Any disbelievers, please don't start an argument on this thread, I will post the article about caffeine next, please use that thread.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Mo...]]

i am a believer Polenta, at the same time i'm quite shocked about the caffeine,

thank you for the update,take care.

 

[[el...]]

Hi Polenta,

 

So good to see your name again - and to read about your recovery!

 

Welcome back--

 

Ellen

[[gu...]]

To be honest I'm not surprised about the excessive caffeine use damage. It is a potent stimulant so it must alter the normal functioning of the CNS to some degree. Of course some people would be more sensitive to this substance than others but this doesn't make it less true.

 

I've never been a heavy coffee drinker myself but used to enjoy one cup a day at a coffee shop, I noticed then that caffeine had a negative impact in me. It made me feel anxious and there were a few times when I had a panic attack and took my typical benzo rescue dose. For this reason is that I couln't afford the risk of drinking coffee during withdrawal.

So I'm with you on this.

[[pa...]]

Aw Polenta.... I remember you so well!!!  So happy to read all you wrote!!  Blessings always to you with your new life!

 

Hugs, Pattylu

[[po...]]

Polenta,

 

I've thought about you very often, wondering how you were doing. I'm so happy to hear your good news of healing 99%!

 

That is really, really great for you. I was hoping you would come back and let us know how you are doing.

 

Your story provides so much hope for me. I know that you have alot of knowledge you can share with us here.

 

                          Sincerely, Jadetortoise

 

 

 

I do hope I have given you hope Jade, all I can tell you is that time and avoiding as many toxic substances as possible, exercise, meditation, and a healthy diet have done it for me at last.  I will catch up with your thread and hope to read that you have noticed some positive change, no matter how tiny, in how you are feeling.

[[po...]]

i am a believer Polenta, at the same time i'm quite shocked about the caffeine,

thank you for the update,take care.

 

So was I, believe me!  It is only for a small proportion of users that caffeine poses such a huge problem, it must be genetic.  On the caffeine faq blog I mentioned, there are far more people that recover within days or weeks than protracted people like me, and the fast recoverers scoff just as much at the protracted people there as they do on BB - it must be (horrible) human nature, although I find it hard to  understand why people behave like that…..

[[po...]]

pretty I hope you are doing well, I will check your thread out………..

[[po...]]

pretty , guitarman,babyrex, juleia,  pattylu, ellen and all my other dear friends,I hope you are doing well, I will check your threads………..

[[po...]]

Pianogirl, I can't find  your blog (if you have  one) but from other  posts I am assuming that you have recovered completely which is so good to hear!!!