~~The Bedridden Club~~

[[ho...]]

Hi Roxy-

 

Well it was a good thing you did find BB’s...at least for support.  I am glad you are up again...that is great.  I am at my micro taper and it’s going alright....I’m down .5mg, and had to hold for 3 nights as I was starting to really feel it.  I use to cut 1mg at a time and by this time, I was really feeling it and not doing well (couch bound)....so at least I am up and about, walking the dog’s....I’m haven’t some SX, but still managing to be somewhat functional.  I just have to take things a little slower

 

How close are you to being off?  This was certainly a good time to do a wean....I lost about 4 months of my life do to this w/d, but with the shutdowns, I really wasn’t missing too much, so I don’t feel so bad. I was so glad my son wasn’t playing football.  They are now doing a few games, and I will be able to go .  So moving forward with my new plan, hoping by next fall, micro tapering will allow me at low doses to attend his games....fingers crossed 

 

Hope you are enjoying your weekend

 

Marie

[[La...]]

Back to bed when it gets too intense

 

What, specifically gets to intense?

 

How long are you benzo free?

Hi, Mentor. Sorry I'm just now seeing this because I haven't been online much lately due to waves and personal issue. But to answer your questions....

I have intense head pressure, boatiness and pulling sensation. It feels like a magnet is pulling on me especially downwards. When I would stand, this would increase in intensity forcing me to lay back down. At first it was so bad that I had to have help to walk the short distance to use the bathroom. It took all my strength not to fall over or faint. Pulling sensation and feeling like rocking on a boat is not fun. This coming Sunday I will be 10 months Ambien free. Now I have the pulling and boatiness in a wave but it's less intense. This has only been in the past 2 mo. I was grateful that I made some progress so I could walk around and start sitting up in a chair. I'm still experiencing these symptoms but when I have windows they are either gone entirely or barely there.

[[La...]]

Hi- I am having a super hard time too.  I have had some windows and get out sometimes but this past month, I have had more couch days.  I do get up and do a few things....I may run an errand every other day and maybe not for a week or so.  It’s miserable.  I am only half way too.  I just am in the middle of switching to liquid V and will begin a micro taper moving forward, so I hope that will help.  I have currently been in a hold since last month too. I absolutely hit a wall and the benzo flu was just too much ( I have had it a couple other times and couldn’t take it anymore).

 

I am really hoping that things turn around.....

 

Marie

Marie my heart goes out to you. I'm glad you're still able to run errands sometimes. I couldn't even ride in a car or sit up to watch TV. Just 2 weeks ago I was able to watch an entire movie with my family and I went around the block a few times in my car (not as the driver). I was so happy to do this again. I plan on doing it every weekend. I miss driving but that will come later. Just so happy to be on the road to recovery. I know you're frustrated and probably scared. That's ok and its normal. This experience is scary! It takes much strength, will power and positive attitude to get through it. Oh yeah....some meditation helped me a great deal in my acute stages and even now each night to put me to sleep. Hang in there, dear, you're doing better than you realize although it doesn't feel like it. Look at me now! I was one of the worst bedridden cases I have read about on here. Please pamper yourself during the ordeal until you're healed. Distract yourself everyday. Have a plan for each day that includes something that makes you happy, something that keeps your mind off the symptoms and something relaxing. Best wishes to you.

[[La...]]

Hi LadyDen

 

Thank you Thank you Thank you for getting back to me. It means a lot. Sorry I disappeared.

 

I had written out a post on my phone memo app ages ago (I've got bigger font on that than BBs so easier to write on my small phone screen with my new blurry vision ), but in my messy state it looks like I forgot to hit the 'post' button! I then went into more days of the blurry sweat drenched wide awake terror thing. I just emerged to the couch and looked back on BBs and my post is not there. My brain is officially fried...

 

I have been very messy since I hit these lower doses. I only found BBs when I hit 1mg at the end of last year.

 

I didnt want anyone else to be here, or have been here, in the bedridden thread  but if there are a few of us around it makes sense to connect. Being bed/couch ridden level brings extra/increased physical and mental problems while it's going on.  I'm getting it pretty tight these days. I guess that's why a thread is already here for this this.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are still partially bedridden but delighted that you are now moving around and able to sit though a movie with your family. YAY 👍 I'm so grateful for the hope that brings me too as you were in my shoes not so long ago. No way could I sit to watch even adverts right now as I'm physically too weak and my brain is like a rusted sieve!

 

The niggling voice of doubt that there must be permanent damage when things have gone this far has been getting louder and louder the closer to the end of my taper I get and the more days bedridden. Your post has given me hope to hang onto.

 

My damage didn't happen overnight either. 9 years in May since I got my first script for valium. I'm hoping I'm off by then.

 

It is a very helpful thought that if we are lying down it is a protective mechanism to shut down interruption and accelerate healing. It helps with that frustration and my niggling guilt of - 'maybe I should push myself a bit harder or I'm being lazy.

 

I forgot about stand up comedy and I used to really love it. I also enjoyed games on my phone and haven't enjoyed that for ages either. I will give those a go. I will check out the ' just for fun' board again too. Just found it recently. Had a brief go but things got too intense again. I've worked out by now that I'm going to be going through this for quiet a while.....

 

I hope something happens today to make you smile too.

 

Roxy xx 

Roxy you're very welcome. It's important that each of us give and receive on this forum. We all need encouragement and support through this journey. I agree with you that you shouldn't push yourself too much nor feel guilty for not feeling well. Acceptance is the key. Expecting is the key. Distracting is the key. We all must accept that our bodies has to go through the process. We must expect symptoms. And distract ourselves while they occur. I'm sorry about your eyesight issue. I've had the floaters in my vision a few times off and on. Along with eye pain off and on. I hope it goes away quickly for you.

I'm glad that I was an inspiration to you. That's awesome that you'll start enjoying things again. There's plenty of laughs waiting on you in the comedy world. And playing games keep your mind sharp as well as fun. I use a website called card games.io It's free and many fun games. You can play single against the made up computer opponents or sign up for multiplayer with real people. I hope you have a blast everyday! Hugs.

Oh something that made me smile today was reading your lovely post to me. And standing on my porch this morning with the sunlight watching the birds sing to each other.

[[ho...]]

Hi- I am having a super hard time too.  I have had some windows and get out sometimes but this past month, I have had more couch days.  I do get up and do a few things....I may run an errand every other day and maybe not for a week or so.  It’s miserable.  I am only half way too.  I just am in the middle of switching to liquid V and will begin a micro taper moving forward, so I hope that will help.  I have currently been in a hold since last month too. I absolutely hit a wall and the benzo flu was just too much ( I have had it a couple other times and couldn’t take it anymore).

 

I am really hoping that things turn around.....

 

Marie

Marie my heart goes out to you. I'm glad you're still able to run errands sometimes. I couldn't even ride in a car or sit up to watch TV. Just 2 weeks ago I was able to watch an entire movie with my family and I went around the block a few times in my car (not as the driver). I was so happy to do this again. I plan on doing it every weekend. I miss driving but that will come later. Just so happy to be on the road to recovery. I know you're frustrated and probably scared. That's ok and its normal. This experience is scary! It takes much strength, will power and positive attitude to get through it. Oh yeah....some meditation helped me a great deal in my acute stages and even now each night to put me to sleep. Hang in there, dear, you're doing better than you realize although it doesn't feel like it. Look at me now! I was one of the worst bedridden cases I have read about on here. Please pamper yourself during the ordeal until you're healed. Distract yourself everyday. Have a plan for each day that includes something that makes you happy, something that keeps your mind off the symptoms and something relaxing. Best wishes to you.

 

Ladyden - Thank you for your kind words.  It means so much when others reach out.  I was reading about your ordeal.  WOW! You have really been though so much.  My heart goes out to you.  I am so glad you got to go out in the car, and be up.  It sounds like you went through a horrible experience.  It makes me feel bad for complaining at all.  I am actually doing much better with a DLMT now.  I held for just about a month at 10mg and that really helped me a lot.  Just in the last week of that hold, I began to turn the corner and stabilize.  I don’t know what the future holds, and when I get to low doses, I can only Pray and hope for the best.  I hope you begin to heal at a quicker pace and get out more 

 

Marie

[[La...]]

Thank you Marie! So very sweet of you. I know you will be ok. As you go lower in your taper you will start feeling crappy. Because your brain is reacting to coming off your medication. Please don't be scared of the process. It MUST happen. But I really admonish you to get yourself a coping plan. This should be things that are comforting to you. Things easy to do no matter how bad you feel. I use meditation while listening to Soothing Relaxation on YouTube. That channel has many soothing instrumentals with a variety of nature sounds. My favorite is piano and water music. I love the sound of a fountain or waterfall. I don't know how I would have made it in my acute days without that. Also a very soft teddy bear or weighted blanket are very helpful. I hope you have at least one person to support you at home. Many before us have gone through this and they're now living great lives. We will too but unfortunately we can't skip any steps of the healing. I encourage you to not go backwards. Fight for your recovery. All kinds of thoughts will pop in your mind to reinstate, take a little more after you reduced, give up etc. Fight it! Don't give in. You can do this. You got this! Remember it will be like a wild roller coaster ride. Twists, turns, ups, downs, upside down, etc BUT the rides end. Feel free to reach out anytime. Yes I've gone through the ringer and still healing. Looking back I honestly can't believe a human body can survive something like what I endured plus dealing with serious family issues on top of it but I'm living proof that it can. 

[[ho...]]

Thank you Marie! So very sweet of you. I know you will be ok. As you go lower in your taper you will start feeling crappy. Because your brain is reacting to coming off your medication. Please don't be scared of the process. It MUST happen. But I really admonish you to get yourself a coping plan. This should be things that are comforting to you. Things easy to do no matter how bad you feel. I use meditation while listening to Soothing Relaxation on YouTube. That channel has many soothing instrumentals with a variety of nature sounds. My favorite is piano and water music. I love the sound of a fountain or waterfall. I don't know how I would have made it in my acute days without that. Also a very soft teddy bear or weighted blanket are very helpful. I hope you have at least one person to support you at home. Many before us have gone through this and they're now living great lives. We will too but unfortunately we can't skip any steps of the healing. I encourage you to not go backwards. Fight for your recovery. All kinds of thoughts will pop in your mind to reinstate, take a little more after you reduced, give up etc. Fight it! Don't give in. You can do this. You got this! Remember it will be like a wild roller coaster ride. Twists, turns, ups, downs, upside down, etc BUT the rides end. Feel free to reach out anytime. Yes I've gone through the ringer and still healing. Looking back I honestly can't believe a human body can survive something like what I endured plus dealing with serious family issues on top of it but I'm living proof that it can. 

 

Ladyden- Thank you for the encouragement.  I too love the piano and water sounds...those are my go to, if I can’t sleep,  When I was in absolute HELL early on, thankfully I didn’t cave and updose, so I am hoping I will continue to be as brave the whole way through this process.  Since I have now switched to DLMT and “symptom based”, it is becoming somewhat more manageable.  I still have SX, but I am not couch bound and feel like I have benzo flu.  This will now take me longer to get off the med’s, but it will allow me to be more functional for “now”.  Again, who knows what the lower doses will bring and how slow I may have to go then......time will tell.  Thank you for offering your hand to reach out too..... I may just need to grab on :smitten:

 

Marie

[[Ro...]]

 

Hi LadyDen,

 

It's great to read you got out for a run in the car. Brilliant.👍 I am not quite there yet but its one of the things I have on my mental note of things that will be big things to achieve and will make me feel more normal again.

 

I draw on that thought you shared quite often about how being still in bed is allowing uninterrupted healing. Thank you for that. It lifts the pressure of feeling trapped when flat out in bed which is a lot at this stage.

 

Accept, Expect, Distract. Great advice Thank you. All the more useful as I can boil it down to 3 words so have more chance of remembering it in my current cloudy grey matter.

 

I'm sorry you have eye pain and floaters. I find the eye pain sets off headache. I read with my painful left eye shut as I can't focus to look at my phone with both eyes these days. I know the nuisance of floaters, especially when the sun shines into a room when you are trying to look at a screen. I already had them had though.

 

I will check out that website when the weird brain hoops I am getting lots of now settle a bit.

 

Seeing your post this morning saw me smile too😊 Then I heard some ducks quacking and about an hour ago transferred to the couch and am able to finish a post. Yay! It takes my brain a full day to write much. I still have to type first into a memo on my phone as I don't make much sense the first few tries. 😅

 

It sounds like you had a lovely morning. I love watching the birds too. It has a real calming effect. Hugging my Kitty also helps. 😊

 

Wishing you lots of lovely mornings and trips in the car.

 

Roxy 

 

[[Ro...]]

Hi Marie,

 

Its really good to hear that your microtaper is working for you. Anything that means you can do some things above lying on the couch is a result compared to what comes with going too fast. Its great that you have recently got out with your dogs. 👍If I had to do it again with the knowledge I have got on here I would definitely do what you are doing.

 

I'm very close now. If I keep going this week my last dose will be on Sunday night so I guess my 'jump' is on Monday if I don't dose. I always do cuts on a Monday. It will be more of a wriggle off while lying in bed than a 'jump' but I'll take it!

 

The fact that the world kind of stopped definitely helps with getting over the amount of lost time. Silver linings I suppose.

 

It sounds like you stand a good chance of being at your son's games. You are taking the most sensible approach for a smooth taper in my opinion. 👍

 

I keep disappearing because my brain is dropping out a lot and I can't hold a thought to post a lot of the time. I do get back eventually when I get a little clarity though.

 

My fingers are crossed for you that you get to go to watch your son very soon. 🤞

 

Roxy 

[[La...]]

Howmany that's great that you made a tapering choice that allows you to handle withdrawal. Although it's a lengthy process, being as functional as you can is the payoff. Slow & steady wins the race for sure. I'm not judging anyone when I say this....I don't see why anyone would go fast risking hell to come crashing down all at once IF they don't have to. I guess some people are not as patient or get tired of tapering. I can relate that cutting pills is a drag but each tiny bit packs a mean punch. Stay on your course that's working for you. At the end of the day it doesn't matter what got any of us on them. But it's the smartest decision we make to get off them. Our bodies punish us for doing it but then later it thanks us. Just like raising a kid.  They do something wrong, we punish them and after a short time they see we were saving their lives sometimes then they thank us. Keep up the good work, dear!

Roxy you will get a car ride soon. I'll be waiting to read about it. But until you do, take a ride in your mind. I did that many times. Matter of fact, play that Aretha Franklin song pink Cadillac and pretend you're driving! Lol ok...I'm telling on myself. LOL when you go on your first ride play that song in the car.

I'm glad that my comment about being in bed assist uninterrupted healing has helped you. It definitely helped me not to be upset anymore.

Oh the ducks sound cute! We have geese that fly over from pond to pond. I use to go feed the ducks and geese. When I can drive I'll definitely do it again. Maybe do a painting of them with acrylics while there.

Yesterday I got the nice benzo gift of neck tension. That was not fun. Lol I'm still feeling it today but better than yesterday for sure. I'll be 10 months off this Sunday. I'm hoping to celebrate it with another car ride and maybe do a painting of flowers for a friend.

 

[[Ro...]]

 

10 months on Sunday. Wow! That is such a major achievement. Congratulations 🎉 It must feel so good to be able to say that. Definitely a cause for celebration.

 

Your plan for Sunday sounds beautiful. I hope that you have a really great day and that the literal pain in the neck keeps on going away as quick as it came.

 

I am hoping Sunday is my last dose so if that goes ahead we will be exactly 10 months apart.

 

I'm going to try to remember to play pink Cadillac when I do that first run in the car for a giggle Lol. Maybe I should drop the roof and belt it out for the world to hear but more likely I'll be hiding behind sunglasses and a big headscarf - at least the first few times anyway!!

 

I absolutely love feeding ducks and geese. My Grandad kept both. I remember the geese chasing me up his garden when I was a kid. They pecked my legs. 😆Strong beaks the little beggars and they outnumbered me. Lol. I still love feeding them. I love all animals. I am happiest when I am with the creatures.

 

That song, it's going around in my head right now making me think about pink, brightness and men in hairspray! It's funny the memories those classics conjure up. Your games on the Just For Fun board are a good distraction and much needed light relief for me recently. I'm going to have another go in a bit.

 

Roxy 

 

 

 

 

[[ho...]]

LadyDen and Roxy - You both make me smile....such witty comments and great advice.  I too love that the time in bed or on the couch is our healing time.  That has helped me too (I am currently on the couch, I need to rest right now) and “accept” when I need to be in the resting position.  My body definitely lets me know.  Not only is the taper “slow n steady” now too is my body. It is what it is. 

 

Roxy- How exciting that you will be “ sliding” off on Sunday (If you do) not “jumping”...that made me laugh.  I suppose I won’t ever be jumping either.  And take that pink Cadillac ride in your mind.....sounds fantastic.

 

LadyDen- Congratulations on Sunday being a year.  That is amazing.  Hopefully you will get to go for that ride too. 

 

My taper has had to slow down again....but that’s ok.  If I didn’t slow it down, I know I wouldn’t make my son’s game this Friday.  So I am just going to hold my dose for tonight, and tomorrow and resume on Thursday as the half life won’t kick in by Friday and then Friday I will resume and sat and sun and then be down to 9mg.  I’ll see how I will be feeling my Mon and Tue....that will be interesting...

 

Marie

[[La...]]

Marie thank u dear! Yes I agree that you should do whatever will have you in your best shape for your son's game. Very wise! I also hope his team wins to celebrate you being there.

You and Roxy make me smile too. It's so nice to not feel alone in bed or the couch. Not that I'd like any of us to be in this shape. As you said....it is what it is. And I will do what I got to do to heal. 

Yes I'll be 10 months Ambien free this Sunday. Roxy I'm rooting for you!!! You got this girl. When I finished my taper, I took the pills I had left and flushed them while playing Ray Charles " Hit the Road Jack". Wow that was fun!!!! So make your jump day fun. You put in all that hard work so you deserve to celebrate. Find you a goodbye song. If you can dance then shake it girl!!!! I can't wait to hear about it. I'm sure Marie feels the same. That geese pecking your legs was funny.  Little suckers! Lol

You know I talk to my symptoms. I know it sounds crazy but when they're bad I tell them "Now I know you're fixing something up their in my brain but this is a little rough. Can you tone it down a touch? And how long are you gonna last because I've got things to do? Oh it's like that? Ok I'm ignoring you then. Let me find a good movie." 

I'm glad you're enjoying my game thread. We do have such fun there. Everyone is welcome to join in the fun. The rule is if you don't know the answer then you make up a funny answer. Come join my thread Marie. 

[[ho...]]

Hi girls-  LOL....I got to laugh this morning ..... thank you.  Ladyden: Correction: 10 months!!! Congratulations.

 

The geese thing made me laugh too.....once I was being chased walking with my x mother-in-law and she walked right over and grabbed the geese by the neck....no fear.  I’ll never forget that.

 

I’ll check out the game thread.  That sounds like fun.

 

I too talk to my symptoms/my self....lol.  Yesterday when I had to park myself on the couch, I ended up falling asleep at 5PM and slept until 7PM...I must have needed the sleep/ healing.  I had no problem going to bed too at my normal bed time Yay.

 

Marie

[[Ro...]]

Hey guys,

 

Hope all is going well?  I have been trying to write a post for a week but the DR/DP is so strong right now that I couldn't hold my phone in place or focus to read never mind type. 🙄 I’m going to catch up on the board and have a go on the game thread in a bit but wanted to post on here first as I have been trying to for what seems like ages. Those weird mental symptoms are so intense right now that I forgot how to get into bed a few times on the way back from the loo a few days ago. I got stuck standing at the side of the bed trying to figure out how to move to get in – it must have looked hilarious 😂. Weird crazy symptoms🙄

 

OMG Ladyden! - Talking to the symptoms. YES! You too Marie. Not just me then!!!😂 😂 😂 I have been doing that out loud since I read the Parker post. I talk to the symptoms so much that my closest friend (I've shared a flat with him for a very long time so it's OK!) will ask "are the builders working on your hands/leg/head/etc". right now 🤣🤣 I really needed that laugh. Thank you!

 

Before reading the Parker post I thought that the symptoms were all existing damage surfacing more and more from underneath the Valium blanket as I tapered. Thankfully I now I know its all healing😊 I am so grateful to Pamster for giving me the link and to Parker for writing that post. I keep a hard copy of the post on my couch as a reminder.

 

Marie, how did Friday go? I do hope that you got to the game and your son was on the winning team? Is it soccer or American football that he plays? Its good to hear that you are getting some good sleep. We need those zzzs so much. I didn’t realise how important sleep was until this taper. I was put on diazepam for medical anxiety. I didn’t have extreme insomnia or anything like it in the past. Its full on now.

 

Ladyden, how did the 10 month anniversary go on Sunday? Did all go to plan? I hope so. I got a good laugh at the pill flush on your jump day to “Hit the Road Jack.” I have been trying to think of a jump day goodbye song. Excellent idea. Thanks 😊 I cant think of one yet as I seem to have forgotten my music! – mental symptoms/memory etc. I might have to pinch your tune if that’s ok as I like that one and it is so apt. I am too horizontal for a celebratory dance but i’ll do one in my head for now with a real one to follow. I hadn’t thought of what to do with the pills left over from the taper after I went onto the liquid. It made me remember seeing a post from someone who was off for years then found an old stash in a wardrobe at a hard time and restarted. I cat remember who it was. You may have just helped me dodge a big bullet in the future as I hadn’t made plans for the spare pills before that. Best down the loo. Wow! Thank you so much.

 

Well, I had to hold again. Maybe this Monday?? Its a bit frustrating holding this close…. I’ll let you know how it goes. Thank you both for the support. It helps a lot. It is a lonely old journey as no one around you can possibly understand this very strange journey we are unknowingly put on. Only people on here that are or have been on the same crazy path will ever get it.

 

I’ve decided that I am going to call the day I ‘jump’ my ‘Jumpday’ like Birthday - 1st Jumpday. Second Jumpday etc. etc. That means that for the rest of my life I get two days every year. That’s another day for gifts and cake - the lot😅

 

Keep healing. Roxy 

 

 

[[ho...]]

Roxy -

 

As usual I alway love reading your post.  Brings a smile and some giggles  .  I love the “jump day”. I am going to steal that for my future.

 

And talking to the symptoms is healthy   We aren’t nuts 

 

My son plays American football, or he did.  Unfortunately he has a shoulder injury and I am waiting for a call from the MRI place to see what’s going on. The doctor thinks it may be a Labrum tear and that’s not good.  Surgery could be in his future and it’s a long recovery.  He also has something going on with his thumb/wrist ( happened about 3 months ago ) and they are also doing an MRI of that too.  This isn’t the normal Football season, so they only are playing 5 games.  He has missed the first 3 ( they did win them) and will miss the next 2.  We go anyways because he has to go as a team member, and we of coarse want to support the team.  But I don’t know if he will be able to play this upcoming season or not.  I am one that believes everything happens for a reason.  Last year he was bit by a baby rattle snake at a friends house.  They were walking into the court yard and he felt like an electric zap (he thought it was some kind of electric fencing) and then they herd the “rattle” and then they all saw the snake, and ran.  His friends were all screaming, and he calmly said, “ I think I was bit, call 911” as he started to take off his shoe and sock.  They didn’t believe him and then saw it and panicked, so he called 911 and laid down (smart kid).  Anyway I get a call from the fire dept....and they are taking him by ambulance and tell me my son was bit by a rattle snake.... OMG!!! Anyway, he spent two days in the ICU and the team called him “rattle snake boy” and the announcers at the games would call him that too.... He had to miss a few games from that as well. 

 

I sure hope your SX will start to improve soon and you will be able to make your jump soon too.  I do love the game board, and I give you lots of credit for making that happen with all that you are going through. 

 

I hope everyone else is doing ok.....I’ll check back in later.  I am just relaxing today “healing” time 

 

Marie

[[Ro...]]

Hey Marie!

 

Great to hear from you. I do need reminding that I'm not nuts as I feel pretty nuts right now. 😂 Very heavy DP/DR.

 

Sorry to hear about your son's shoulder injury. I do hope that he gets good news on the MRIs and is back on his game soon. It must be so frustrating and worrying. Fingers crossed for you both🤞 American football looks fun. I've only seen a bit of it on TV. We have more soccer here. I would love to see a live American Football game. I'll try to do that next time I am in the US. Travel is quite a way off for now though... .

 

Hydrotherapy can be useful for any shoulder injury so is worth some thought. My doctor explained that you can do a lot more reps quicker etc as the water gives support and is even more effective as support for the big joints. I'm no expert in it. It's just what I did for a slap tear in my shoulder years ago.

 

That rattle snake getting your son. How bloody scary. He clearly can keep a cool head in a crisis. I would go into a blind panic! The only time I came across a rattlesnake was in Blue Ridge Mountain Parkway. I'd stopped to see what the attraction was to join a group of other tourists. Then saw this big snake in the middle of the road. Watched it rattling for a good few minutes with my  heart in my mouth. I will ever forget that sound. I would freak me right out if it bit me! What a story your son has, and nickname, to tell the grandchildren.

 

I see from your taper you have knocked another mg off. Going great guns👍I hope you enjoyed your day of relaxation and that the Sx are being well behaved.

 

Roxy 

 

[[La...]]

Hey Marie and Roxy. I don't mind if you borrow my song at all.  The best things nag to do after you jump is IMMEDIATELY flush your remaining pills in the toilet. As you read in other posts that if you don't then it's easy to reinstate. All that tapering hard work would go down the drain. It's best to expect acute symptoms to be rough. Make a rule for yourself that reinstating isn't an option... And if you flush them this greatly helps you keep your rule. I also very much liked the jump date idea. What were doing is life changing experience for the good of our health and sanity. This IS a big deal when we jump. It SHOULD be celebrated or acknowledged every time it comes around. Thanks for sharing that! I'm stealing that idea. 

The snake bite story, Marie!!!! Omg I'm so glad that it all turned out well. That's great that you go to the games. I'm enjoying you on my game thread. You're both awesome!

Yes American football is fun, Roxy. If you ever attend a live game, you would remember it the rest of your life. So much fun. Roxy what country are you in? Marie?

I'm sitting up long enough now to watch movies with my family. I'm so happy to do this after so long. Yes I enjoyed celebrating my 10th month. It was nice!  I haven't rode in the car again yet but I plan to soon. I have a new grand child arriving in 2 days. I want to be able to go meet her by car. It's a 10-15 minute ride. Fingers crossed that I can do this!

Love reading your posts. How are you all  doing today?

[[ho...]]

Hi Roxy and LadyDen-

 

I hope the weekend is treating you well...Oh gosh..I didn’t look at the date of your post Lady....Is today the birth of your grand baby?  If so, how exciting...or tomorrow?  I am so excited for you.  Hopefully you can get in the car and go ....vroom...that is a certainty a motivation factor.

 

Roxy.  Yes, hydro therapy is the best.  I am not sure how many places around here do hydro therapy but I will be talking with his doctor about it when I see him after the MRI.

 

Oh, The rattle snake was a baby, and baby bites are the worst.  Baby rattle snakes don’t know how to control their venom.  It was a true blessing he had his high top shoes on, and was bit in the ankle, because only one tooth really penetrated deeply, the other tooth barely got in. He was in pretty bad shape from just one puncture...who know if both fangs would have penetrated.  Yes a story to tell his grandchildren for sure.  We see lots of rattle snakes around here.  Our trails are full of them in the summer, so we are very cautious.  And now after this happened, I look in my courtyard around the pots, to make sure no snakes are hiding....we back up to open space.  The location of the house he was bitten at, wasn’t far from the open space/hills too.

 

I’m going to flush any remaining pill’s/liquid I have when I jump too....I don’t want to take any chances of caving do to SX !!! 

 

Yes I am down 1mg and working my way slowly down with the DLMT.....I guess I went a little too fast with the last .5mg, because I got hit with some SX that put me on the couch the last couple of days. Ugh.  Today is better, and the SX weren’t nearly as bad as before with the DT cut’s, but still enough to knock me down.

 

Boy I hate the DP/DR....so sorry...that’s one of the worst and the “ vibrating” for me.  I sure hope that will lift soon.

 

Football games are a lot of fun!!! And when you do feel up to traveling again and get to the USA, you should come early in the season (weather wise) and catch a game.  We like soccer too.  My son played when he was young. 

 

I live in CA, in the East Bay Area just outside of San Francisco.  Ok...your turn.....

 

Marie

[[Ro...]]

Hey Ladyden!

Great to hear from you as always 😊 and with great news too. A new grandchild! Congratulations! You must be so excited. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you too that you’ll be getting there by car.  You’ve gone out in the car before and have just had a good 10 month anniversary (very good to hear) so you’re already out in front with of this. 

 

Watching the movies upright will be a milestone for me too as that requires sitting for a long time, concentrating and remembering the plot. Physical and mental symptoms affect all of these things so much during a rough taper that getting on top of that shows just how far you have come. It will be a milestone for me when I reach that so its inspiring that you were in my boat and you’re doing it less than a year out.  I’m still at the losing the plot in my head stage!

 

I am definitely going to flush them right away. Brilliant advice. Dangerous to have them lying around 10 years down the track say when there is some big life curveball etc. I don’t know how much of the taper I will remember after as I have a lot of derealisation and very bad memory so it could be very dangerous. I think I will put the ‘Flushed date’ on my taper to remind others coming behind me that this is something to think about as I hadn’t considered it at all until I read your post. I couldn’t bear to repeat any of my taper.

 

Go for it using Jumpday! Speaking of jumps, I am going to bite the bullet and make tomorrow night my last dose. I take it in the evening. I think that means I have ‘jumped’ on Monday when I don’t take my dose for the first time at the usual time or is it the day of the last dose? Not sure – even the simple things are difficult for me to understand right now.

 

I’m in the UK but originally from Ireland. I think both of you are in the US?  I will put the live game on my ‘must sees’ list on my next trip to the US when I am healed. I am looking forward to it. What would you recommend for best team to watch/where in the US for a big game experience?

 

I’m currently in a foggy window that opened about 4 hours ago. Persistent derealization is driving me nuts. Its been a constant and is getting progressively stronger the lower I go down. I’m trying to find out more about it now as I only connected the feeling with the word a few days ago, I think (I’ve got very surreal levels of time distortion going on too).  On the upside, I am in a foggy window and am oddly beginning to feel the beginnings of an appetite. Hmmm!  I’ve not had that in a while. This could be fun.  I’ll do a snack hunt and stock up like a squirrel to get some calories onboard before the ‘jump’! Ive got a fun distraction now too. Bonus!! Thats what I smiled about today - food

 

Enjoy your evening distractions/plans (I nearly wrote food so enjoy that too if you haven't eaten yet!), Roxy

 

 

[[Ro...]]

Hey Marie,

I was posting at the same time as you! Good to hear from you again too.

 

Sunny California, lucky you! I am in what is currently a very dull skies London. London is essentially still shut and we are still not allowed to visit family and friend’s houses, not that any of that is a problem for me these days as I can’t do any of it anyway. Covid has actually turned out to be good cover for a rough taper. I haven’t told anyone about this stuff other than my long-term friend and flatmate. 

 

Do you ever get used to looking for snakes before going to bed etc. or is it always scary? I’m guessing any anxiety would go through the roof after one getting your son. I remember being freaked out by a big one in the bathroom on a trip to Africa and my heart just stopped. I don’t know what type it was – maybe harmless. I was ok with snakes outside if a local said they were ok (there was a carpet of them in places) but there was something about a big one in the bathroom – probably all those movies with someone nearly getting bit on the bum by a lurking snake. Eek!

 

There are thankfully no snakes in Ireland and only the harmless adder in England but then we don’t get all that sunshine that comes with them.

 

Good to hear that you are having a better day and the symptoms are reduced. Yay! I am having a better day too. I’m ‘up’ (i.e. lying on the sofa instead of the couch) which means I can use my laptop instead of trying to post on my small phone screen so I’ll take it. Sorry the sx are still hitting you hard but by going slower you get those days when you can do important things like getting to that game. Those mg will just keep ticking off in a controlled way. 

 

I'm off to raid the fridge!

 

Have a great evening. Roxy 

 

 

[[ho...]]

Hey Marie,

I was posting at the same time as you! Good to hear from you again too.

 

Sunny California, lucky you! I am in what is currently a very dull skies London. London is essentially still shut and we are still not allowed to visit family and friend’s houses, not that any of that is a problem for me these days as I can’t do any of it anyway. Covid has actually turned out to be good cover for a rough taper. I haven’t told anyone about this stuff other than my long-term friend and flatmate. 

 

Do you ever get used to looking for snakes before going to bed etc. or is it always scary? I’m guessing any anxiety would go through the roof after one getting your son. I remember being freaked out by a big one in the bathroom on a trip to Africa and my heart just stopped. I don’t know what type it was – maybe harmless. I was ok with snakes outside if a local said they were ok (there was a carpet of them in places) but there was something about a big one in the bathroom – probably all those movies with someone nearly getting bit on the bum by a lurking snake. Eek!

 

There are thankfully no snakes in Ireland and only the harmless adder in England but then we don’t get all that sunshine that comes with them.

 

Good to hear that you are having a better day and the symptoms are reduced. Yay! I am having a better day too. I’m ‘up’ (i.e. lying on the sofa instead of the couch) which means I can use my laptop instead of trying to post on my small phone screen so I’ll take it. Sorry the sx are still hitting you hard but by going slower you get those days when you can do important things like getting to that game. Those mg will just keep ticking off in a controlled way. 

 

I'm off to raid the fridge!

 

Have a great evening. Roxy

 

Roxy - LOL....I don’t have that many snakes around...thank goodness....And big ones....yikes and in the house....um no thanks. Lol. I do check around the pots now, I never did that before my son was bit.....very rare. It made the news here....it was all over the news.  Usually they stay up in the hill’s and on the trails.  We have lots of king snakes, and they are harmless and don’t bother me at all.

 

This Covid thing was a bit of a blessing for me early on in my taper when I was in bad shape, and we have the “lock downs” too, but my family and friends are rebels and do what we please.  My son had Covid last Feb and I had it in March and some of my family had it a few months ago and we all recovered fine.  We take supplements and when we get sick, we do a super High vitamin C protocol, D-3, Zinc, Oregano Oil capsules, Collidial silver and some other supplements.....we knock out viruses (like the flu fast). 

 

I’m glad you are up on the couch and that is great news!!!!    Hoping you will be getting more and more up days 

 

Marie

[[La...]]

Hey Roxy and Marie  My new grand daughter was born yesterday April 5th healthy, strong, all fingers & toes, 6 lbs 7 oz, silky dark hair and cute pouty lips.  ohhh yeah and a nice set of lungs to cry really loud! She's supposed to go home today and I'm planning on going to go see her to hold her in my arms. This will be my first time out of my neighborhood in a year or more. Thanks for the congratulations. So sweet of you both.

I've read your posts... Roxy is in the UK and Marie on the west coast in USA. I'm also in the USA originally from Louisiana ( the other LA lol) but 4 years ago moved to SC. As far as what team to cheer for ummm I'm partial to my New Orleans Saints team. Lol

Don't worry, you'll get to where I'm at now. It takes some time. I'm still bedridden for half a day. But yes I am proof that even the worst case can and will heal. I had those doubting thoughts on my worst days but I took out my mental bat and beat them away. I advise you both to do the same. Have you read the benzo lies thread? It's so powerful. I've been sitting up watching movies with my family. I was feeling a bit rough for a few hours yesterday so I distracted by looking through old family pictures. It worked! I ended up laughing at funny moments and crying over missing passed on loved ones. The fun part was looking at who looks like who. Very strange that as my kids grew they look like me for a few years then switch to looking like their dad during teen years.

Wow you both talking about DP/DR. That can be very frustrating when at its worse. Makes you question everything and feels like an alien. My heart goes out to you. I got through that by meditation while rubbing my skin in slow small circles on my arms or face. Maybe it can help y'all. Just make slow circles using two fingers and follow the circle with your eyes closed. This simple thing got me through MANY of my waves.  I hope this symptom passes for you soon.

I'm so glad you both are having better days. Thinking of you both. Hugs

[[ho...]]

Hey Roxy and Marie  My new grand daughter was born yesterday April 5th healthy, strong, all fingers & toes, 6 lbs 7 oz, silky dark hair and cute pouty lips.  ohhh yeah and a nice set of lungs to cry really loud! She's supposed to go home today and I'm planning on going to go see her to hold her in my arms. This will be my first time out of my neighborhood in a year or more. Thanks for the congratulations. So sweet of you both.

I've read your posts... Roxy is in the UK and Marie on the west coast in USA. I'm also in the USA originally from Louisiana ( the other LA lol) but 4 years ago moved to SC. As far as what team to cheer for ummm I'm partial to my New Orleans Saints team. Lol

Don't worry, you'll get to where I'm at now. It takes some time. I'm still bedridden for half a day. But yes I am proof that even the worst case can and will heal. I had those doubting thoughts on my worst days but I took out my mental bat and beat them away. I advise you both to do the same. Have you read the benzo lies thread? It's so powerful. I've been sitting up watching movies with my family. I was feeling a bit rough for a few hours yesterday so I distracted by looking through old family pictures. It worked! I ended up laughing at funny moments and crying over missing passed on loved ones. The fun part was looking at who looks like who. Very strange that as my kids grew they look like me for a few years then switch to looking like their dad during teen years.

Wow you both talking about DP/DR. That can be very frustrating when at its worse. Makes you question everything and feels like an alien. My heart goes out to you. I got through that by meditation while rubbing my skin in slow small circles on my arms or face. Maybe it can help y'all. Just make slow circles using two fingers and follow the circle with your eyes closed. This simple thing got me through MANY of my waves.  I hope this symptom passes for you soon.

I'm so glad you both are having better days. Thinking of you both. Hugs

 

Oh congratulations!! A baby girl....oh how special  :smitten......I’m so happy you are going to go get to hold her!

 

SC is beautiful and I love LA.  I am lucky, I have been all over the USA. 

 

I love the meditation advice.  I have always been a self soother....I sucked my thumb until I was 10 ( no braces and perfect teeth ...go figure) and I have always rubbed my leg’s when needing comfort....so I will try the face/meditation too.  Anything that will help 

 

Ok..off to check the game boards  :laugh:

 

Marie

 

I’m on the couch right now....I did get out today but boy did the vibrating start and my motivation is so low.  I am going to hold for a month again. I don’t think I stabilized enough after my crash and burn.  Then I will try again. 

[[Ro...]]

Hi guys, great to hear from you both again 

 

BIG CONGRATULATIONS! to Ladyden, on the birth of your granddaughter. How amazing that you are going to leave your neighbourhood for the first time in a year and at the end of it you get a hold a new baby and let her grip your little finger (I love it when they do that)! A double celebration. I was sorry to hear that you are bedridden for half the day but you are making up for it in the other half. Your progress is definitely an inspiration for me as I always have the niggling doubts of whether things get better when you’ve had it just so rough.

 

South Carolina 😊 That brings back memories of a road trip years ago from NYC down the Eastern seaboard. Savannah was one of the stops on that trip. Lovely place. My memory is still patchy but I’m sure it will come back. The stop before that was Roanoak in Virginia I think. I do enjoy holidaying in the US. A revisit is definitely on the list for when I am healed.

 

I’m going to pinch the New Orleans Saints Team of you! Sport is no fun unless there is a team that you support. Also, I had a blast in New Orleans. Absolutely loved it. I was there just a few days before Katrina and saw (and drove) in mad scary rain so made my way home and was gutted to the core watching the footage unfold of that what happened to that lovely place and the friendly people. I hope it is back to where it was at.

 

Marie, LOL about me thinking there were snakes everywhere. … in the house ‘no thanks’ LOL!! I imagined there were loads with your son getting bitten but it was a rare event. Its cool that he was a local celebrity on the news with his story. Well, cool with hindsight. I bet he has impressed all his mates with that one. Obviously very scary at the time but what a claim to fame for life. I haven’t made it to California yet but its on my list for when I’m well again and I will be sure to go looking for king snakes in the hills!

 

God! you and your family caught the dreaded plague. Its great that you all recovered fully from it. That would freak me out, especially now. I am in the ‘at risk’ category for a rare genetic immunity deficiency so am terrified of it. Even if I could go out I have developed agoraphobia in lockdown but I think a lot of that is down to withdrawal. Its good that you have the antibodies now though😊

 

Ladyden, I haven’t read the benzo lies thread. I would be very interested to read that. Where can I find it? I have seen references to the benzo lies and mentally try to swat the thoughts away. Its like playing Whac a mole. Do you guys have game in the US? We have it here at the seaside here.

 

I will give the meditation finger circles a go. I’ve never really done it but noticed some guided meditations on the Calm app. I listen to some of the music on there and bedtime stories at night to help with getting to sleep.

 

The DR is certainly making me question everything. I’m like the bloody narrator in my own life and my mind keeps forcing me to do these life reviews and assess. Constant running inner dialogue and microanalysis of thoughts. Ugh! Exhausting! I think the family album would be a trigger for me right now but I can see it as being quite a cathartic experience when the time is right despite the sadness for the people gone as you say. When I eventually do that I will concentrate on who looks like who too!

 

Have a lovely evening. Oh, and LadyDen, enjoy every bit of that first visit to your granddaughter. Every single second. You earned it.

 

Roxy