Driving in the Left Lane- pianogirl's Story of Healing and Hope for all of You!

[[...]]

hey music girl - yes indeed we hit the forum together - seems like forever ago.  man i will never forget how tough it was.  still blows my mind.  praying for your shoulder...it' s  all a cake walk next to benzo w/d.    taking 2 grad courses now. 

 

oh  pacific - believe me the thinking - cognition skills get perhaps even stronger.  early on - as a high school english teacher - phew.  i could not wrap my head around mla format and teaching research papers to 11th graders.  i could barely think.  only God's grace got me through the days.  there were days when taking a shower was a big if.  i get it.  unbelievable.

 

now i am in 2 grad courses.  just finished 2 and got A's  i am an older person too -so a bit amnesic.  i was a total nut.  still can't believe i made it through.  just stay strong.  one day at a time.  even if it's get up - survive - go to bed.  you are doing something most people cannot do.  benzos have a 90% relapse rate.  be the 1%.  we did it and you can to.  let this site be there for you.

 

breathe. pray. one day at a time

love you so much pg  always will.  i hope to hug you one day.  still plan on opening a place for benzo healers  xoxo  u come and play the piano 

[[pi...]]

Pan,

 

My dear sister here, we came on BB just about the same time and went through so much hell together.  It was something I could not have done without you and my buddies here.

 

Geez, two A's, you are Amazing!! I see you are taking a year off from teaching.  I know you have been thinking about that for a long time.  Now is a good time for that and you are really getting deep into your studies. 

 

You know what I find funny, people wonder if they'll get there memory back.  My memory is better than my husbands and he was never on benzos.  lol  It just takes time, way too long but there is nothing to do but accept and let the body and mind heal.

 

I would love to hug you and play lovely calming music for the people who come to heal at your special place.  You have such a big heart Pan, you make sure you take care of yourself too.  Love you much.

 

PG  :smitten:

[[pa...]]

hi pan,

can you open the place by tomorrow? i will fly down there immediately.

in one condition. pianogirl must be there, because she is an angel.

[[Ja...]]

Am 8 1/2 months out and still have vibrations, nervey  pulling and muscle achiness and pain causing a chemical depression. I get this every other day. On my alternating day I feel as close to or 100%. When did your bad symptoms start to fade? I feel as though this is never going to end. So tired of crying. Feels like Groundhogs Day over and over. Please give me some hope. I have always worked and go out socially, but am so frustrated and scared.

[[pi...]]

Am 8 1/2 months out and still have vibrations, nervey  pulling and muscle achiness and pain causing a chemical depression. I get this every other day. On my alternating day I feel as close to or 100%. When did your bad symptoms start to fade? I feel as though this is never going to end. So tired of crying. Feels like Groundhogs Day over and over. Please give me some hope. I have always worked and go out socially, but am so frustrated and scared.

 

Hi Jazzy,

 

When I was 8 1/2 months off, I was a long way from being healed. Like you, I remained active, working, traveling, exercising but my symptoms came along with me for the most part.  When I was about where you are we took a trip to see our grandbaby. I had benzo flu for the entire flight.  When we were walking her around the lake my husband asked how I felt and I told him that I was burning, my muscles hurt and I was boaty dizzy. 

 

After that it was up and down, similar to you. At 14 months we took a great vacation and I felt really well the entire time.  I had a bad surge of muscle and nerve stuff a while after we got back.  After that I was more well then not and my symptoms were fading away and then poof, they were gone.

 

One of the things I tried to keep telling myself  was to believe that my body would recover.  I lost two people very close to me this year. They had stage 4 cancer.  There was no chance for them, their condition was terminal, mine was not.

 

I got scared too, I yelled at my symptoms. I actually think anger is OK,  it means that you won't give up and no matter what, the benzo will not win.

 

The hope I can give you is that you will get better.  It will happen, the 100% days will start to happen 100% of the time. 

 

Sending a big healing hug your way.

 

PG 

[[Ja...]]

tx Pianogirl. I guess I have to give it more time. I feel very scared and down right now. Hope tomorrow will be a better day. Tx for your encouragement.

[[...]]

Hi pianogirl,

 

Wonderful, absolutely wonderful...

 

Cheers,

Adie

[[Ja...]]

Just curious when your nerve pain and chills and vibrations disappeared? Internal nervy pain and it's accompaniments is what I have left. Hoping it will leave soon. Only other thing I have is sporadic muscle tightness on right side of jaw which is just bothersome.

[[pi...]]

Just curious when your nerve pain and chills and vibrations disappeared? Internal nervy pain and it's accompaniments is what I have left. Hoping it will leave soon. Only other thing I have is sporadic muscle tightness on right side of jaw which is just bothersome.

 

Hi Jazzy,

 

To be honest the nerve pain was the last to go, that along with muscle issues.  Last summer after our vacation I had a strong surge, it felt like I my insides were being squeezed.  I saw the doctor and she tested my for many things. For a lot of scary diseases too.  All test results were normal. After that, these things started to ease up.  By September, when I was 15 months off they were pretty much gone. 

 

The vibrations left sooner than the muscle and nerve stuff.  They eased up a lot by one year off.

 

I know its hard to live with these symptoms but they will go away. I would think you will really see some improvements soon. 

 

pianogirl

[[Ja...]]

You said you traveled during withdrawal and recovery. How did u do? I posted that I am going to Italy

Next Friday. I continue to have vibrations and nerve burning every other day. My other day is close to perfect, with no major issues. My husband will be with me and we are traveling with another couple. I am nervous about my symptoms. My social worker thinks this trip will be helpful to me. Any helpful hints? scared.

[[pi...]]

You said you traveled during withdrawal and recovery. How did u do? I posted that I am going to Italy

Next Friday. I continue to have vibrations and nerve burning every other day. My other day is close to perfect, with no major issues. My husband will be with me and we are traveling with another couple. I am nervous about my symptoms. My social worker thinks this trip will be helpful to me. Any helpful hints? scared.

 

Jazzy,

 

I think you will do better than you think you will, that is what happened to me.

 

My first trip by plane was when I was 7 months off and I had a bad case of benzo flu with a lot of symptoms.  It went better than I expected, this flight was only 3 hours and I brought all the things that I do to stay distracted.  As long as I kept busy reading, doing puzzles, watching a movie I was fine.  I did have a good time on the trip, we were gone 2 weeks and we did some sightseeing and we ate out a lot. 

 

After that I flew several more times, two of them were 7 hour flights.  By the second time I knew it was going to be OK, I was confident that I could handle anything. I actually have to do a lot of the talking because my husband is very hard of hearing and he hates to wear his hearing aids. 

 

Once you get on the plane, try to imagine you are in your most comfortable chair or sofa and breathe.  When away try to get plenty of rest.  Let your husband know when you need some r and r.

 

I think your fear will dissolve once you see how well you can tolerate the travel.  I know my confidence grew with each trip.  I think yours will as well.

 

PG 

[[Ja...]]

Tx you Pianogirl. I appreciate your support. I am so looking forward to this trip. I just want to be able to enjoy it. Had I known I would still be healing I would have never made the reservations. I guess it was good I didn't know. My husband is my rock. He never gets frazzled by my symptoms. He always tells me I am healing and that I made so much progress. He says it will be over when my body stabilizes. 

[[Pi...]]

Hi . Very encouraging thx so much for taking the time. I have to ask... What if u can't distract yourself? I can't read. Or do puzzles or watch movies. Was this after u jumped or all thru that u could do this?

[[pi...]]

Hi . Very encouraging thx so much for taking the time. I have to ask... What if u can't distract yourself? I can't read. Or do puzzles or watch movies. Was this after u jumped or all thru that u could do this?

 

Hi Pinkee,

 

I have to say that when my withdrawal was at its worse I didn't really "watch" the movies, but it was helpful just having them on.  I didn't feel so alone and occasionally I could at least glance at the screen.  If you can't read or do puzzles, have you tried taking walks? I was dogsitting for my daughter during withdrawal and every day I walked the dog several times, it helped being outside and I would talk to the dog about my symptoms.

 

I worked during my taper so I was fairly busy.  When I jumped off it was summer and my slow season. I also did take a couple of weeks off when the symptoms were at the most acute phase.  The most challenging time for me was after I was off, for the first 3 months.

 

PG 

 

[[Ja...]]

Pianogirl I am now in Italy. I was fine on the plane. Who needs xanex to fly? Not me! Tx again.

[[pi...]]

Pianogirl I am now in Italy. I was fine on the plane. Who needs xanex to fly? Not me! Tx again.

 

:yippee: :yippee: :yippee:

 

You did it girl!!!

 

Have a cappuccino and a gelato on me!!!

 

Ciao,

 

PG 

[[Ja...]]

Will do!

 

[[st...]]

thank you so much, pianogirl, for all of the hope your posts give to all of us. I'm struggling since jumping on july 3rd and have been so discouraged. I thought I had myself prepared for at least 6 months of withdrawal symptoms, but I guess deep down I was hoping to be one of the lucky ones who feels better within a few weeks. The first two weeks were filled with hope and excitement over being benzo free but then I was hit with strong symptoms that are still with me. It's week six now and things aren't improving but I know that I'm being impatient and that time will heal me. I'm just sick of being sick.

I plan on reading your posts over and over again because they ease my fear which in turn eases the withdrawal symptoms.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart!

Stevie

[[pi...]]

thank you so much, pianogirl, for all of the hope your posts give to all of us. I'm struggling since jumping on july 3rd and have been so discouraged. I thought I had myself prepared for at least 6 months of withdrawal symptoms, but I guess deep down I was hoping to be one of the lucky ones who feels better within a few weeks. The first two weeks were filled with hope and excitement over being benzo free but then I was hit with strong symptoms that are still with me. It's week six now and things aren't improving but I know that I'm being impatient and that time will heal me. I'm just sick of being sick.

I plan on reading your posts over and over again because they ease my fear which in turn eases the withdrawal symptoms.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart!

Stevie

 

 

Hi Stevie,

 

I'm glad I was able to help, even if just a little bit.  I know I strongly relied on the posts of those who came before me and healed, in fact, I spent most of my time reading success stories when I was in the worst part of the acute phase.

 

I was certain that I would also be one of those who healed quickly. I based that on how quickly I had healed from earlier surgeries and illnesses.  As the weeks turned into months, I simply had to accept this process for what is was.  And it is different for each of us as far as recovery times.  The one truth is that we all do heal.  There is so much going on inside our nervous system, so much work taking place.  I think of it like a complex tangle of wires and if one is crossed the whole system reacts. All those connections will get back together in the right order. 

 

It's ok to say you are sick of being sick, I did the same thing.  Even though I accepted my withdrawal, I still felt I could talk to my symptoms, to let them know I didn't like them and wasn't happy they were sticking around so long.  I think self talk really helped me tolerate the symptoms and carry on with my life while doing so.

 

You are so early off, be proud of yourself for getting to this stage.  I am proud of you!!

 

Hugs,

 

PG 

 

[[st...]]

pianogirl you are a great inspiration for me, thank you for your posts here and on my posts as well.

 

I also hope to heal fast and in past operations do so. I only took Clon for 7 months including my taper of 3 months and now 3 weeks out I still wonder about it all.

 

I pray to heal like everyone and yourself states, that we do and its a matter of time.

 

I hope I'm not some special case that never does but maybe we all think that way at some point? I mean this is something we all do once, it's not like we have experience in this journey and all these s/x are often hard to deal with.

 

Thank you again I know I 'll read you post over and over again

 

Not Still stuck anymore

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hey music girl;  how's the little angel?  how is  your shoulder.  I am so glad I am taking time off from teaching;  I need the rest and time to get things caught up .  still in school;  doing more things.  still healing.  yes it takes what it takes, doesn't it.

 

you are an inspiration to so many.  there will be hundreds who will remember you for the rest of their lives.  I for one.  remember pamster?  hope she is well.  I bet she sure is.  love you so much dear sister

[[Ho...]]

hey music girl;  how's the little angel?  how is  your shoulder.  I am so glad I am taking time off from teaching;  I need the rest and time to get things caught up .  still in school;  doing more things.  still healing.  yes it takes what it takes, doesn't it.

 

you are an inspiration to so many.  there will be hundreds who will remember you for the rest of their lives.  I for one.  remember pamster?  hope she is well.  I bet she sure is.  love you so much dear sister

 

The last time Pamster was on the forum and we were in contact she told me she's very healthy and happy. 

[[...]]

thanks so much hope.  you are a beautiful angel too

[[Ho...]]

Aww...thank you Pan.    You made my day!

[[Ja...]]

Hi pianogirl. Left with nerve pain. All other symptoms have gone to the wayside or are very minor-annoying or not bothersome. I feel my nerves creeping around inside my body. Have burning pain/chills/ pain/head pressure/inner vibrations. All from my nerves. I feel that since all else peeled away, this nerve stuff is more intense and prominent. It hits me at night, every other night. Lasts until the next morning, afternoon or evening. I know it is not getting worse as I haven't

taken kalonapin in a little over 11 months. Just wondering why it is not fading and why it is acting up more? Is that part of the healing process? Did yours get worse before it got better and then went away? You told me in the past that your inner vibrations left at the 12 month mark and that your nerve and muscle pain left at 14 months after you had a bad bout of both. I am almost 100% on my good days. I know that my healing will not mirror yours, but just wanted to know if this healing pattern is on the right pathway? Thanks.