Driving in the Left Lane- pianogirl's Story of Healing and Hope for all of You!

[[pi...]]

Thank you for your story piano girl. I had urgery w pain killers and I had to do another taper. w/ valium. right now I am 2 weeks with no meds. I still have tinnitus but it is getting better . Did you have this too? I am hoping it goes away completely . That would be so fantastic.

 

Hi honeym,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your surgery and yet another taper.  As far as tinnitus goes, I have had it mildly for years even before benzos.  I have tried to find out why it occured and have not found anything definitive.  As a child my mother medicated us regularly with aspirin and Alka Selzer.  The aspirin can cause tinnitus. I also have issues with my cervical spine that can cause tinnitus.  So I really have no answers. All I know is that mine is very mild, I hardly notice it and it doesn't cause me any stress at all.

 

I hope you are doing well and looking forward to being well and far far away from benzos.

 

PG 

[[ch...]]

WOW. Your story is similar to mine in some ways. I cannot tell you how happy I am to read your success story, Piano Girl. It gives so much of us hope for better days ahead.

 

Good for you. I wish you many days of good health, love, happiness, and always, a finely tuned piano!

 

LOVE,

Chrysanthemum

 

 

[[pi...]]

WOW. Your story is similar to mine in some ways. I cannot tell you how happy I am to read your success story, Piano Girl. It gives so much of us hope for better days ahead.

 

Good for you. I wish you many days of good health, love, happiness, and always, a finely tuned piano!

 

LOVE,

Chrysanthemum

 

Thanks so much for the good wishes Chrysanthemum.

 

Sadly, so many of us have a lot in common. I was posting a while back on a  buddies blog that I wished we could have had other things in common. Like wearing the same dress to a party. Although that would be awful, benzo withdrawal can be so terrible that often there are not words to describe it.

 

I want to say congratulations to you as well!!!!  :thumbsup:  I know it was a difficult decision to go to detox for the rest of the opiate withdrawal, but you did it.  Yes, you are not well but this is one huge step in the right direction. The future is amazing without having to be dependent on medications like these.  I never realized how great it could be until I fully healed.

 

Sending some beautiful melodies your way,

 

PG 

[[...]]

:smitten:my dearest music girl!!! :smitten:  i read your success story on a day i prayed for encouragement!  i didn't know it was there!  i am so happy for you

you will always be so extremely special to me;  what we have shared - this intense road - this unbelievable experience - one like no other - and you are on the other side - it gives me hope i will be too. 

how many months would you say it took you? 

 

i think of you and us all the time.  you have your own little ministry on here now - being there for others as others were there for us...

May God continue to bless you my dear angel friend.  Great job - you beat the beast down :thumbsup:

[[wa...]]

Dear piano girl,

 

When were you able to start riding your bike again?  I just took a bath tonight andy pulse went up to 135. I can't imagine being able to work out again, which I miss so much!!! 

 

Also, in your story you say that you feel emotions again.  I am so worried that I'll forever be very flat and I can't stand it. Well, I'm not exactly flat; i do feel anger, rage, despair, fear and jealousy. But nothing good. Nothing good.

 

I am so scared that i am going to have permanent damage.

 

Please help!

 

[[An...]]

Dear Piano Girl,

I want you to know that I will never forget you!  You were the very first person to contact me on BB's.  I was so scared and didn't even know how to navigate my way around the site.  It seemed you were on point to console me on every post until I found my way.

I knew whenever you said something that I could take it to the bank.

Again thank you for giving your time and energy to all of us and know you have helped many and changed lives with your kind word...

Thank you to the moon and back,

Annie

[[pi...]]

:smitten:my dearest music girl!!! :smitten:  i read your success story on a day i prayed for encouragement!  i didn't know it was there!  i am so happy for you

you will always be so extremely special to me;  what we have shared - this intense road - this unbelievable experience - one like no other - and you are on the other side - it gives me hope i will be too. 

how many months would you say it took you? 

 

i think of you and us all the time.  you have your own little ministry on here now - being there for others as others were there for us...

May God continue to bless you my dear angel friend.  Great job - you beat the beast down :thumbsup:

 

Hi ya Pan,

 

Sweetie I have been worried about you, I haven't seen you on the forum lately. I'm sorry the depression monster has reared his ugly head. Genetically we are so different so its no wonder why we all get hit with different symptoms.  You know I think about what might have happened if I hadn't found BB.  I shudder to think..... You guys saved me so many times, we are a strong troop of warriors and there is no way we'll let the beast or monster get the better of us.  Pan, always have hope - never - ever - give up. 

 

You asked me how long it took me to recover.  I think I was pretty healed by 16 months but because I was so busy I didn't post my story.  I also think I was somewhat afraid, bad karma and all that.  I am happy I wrote my story and happy if I can bring hope to others here.

 

Keep looking ahead for that bright light of wellness, it will get closer and closer. 

 

Love You dear one,

 

PG  :smitten:

[[pi...]]

Dear Piano Girl,

I want you to know that I will never forget you!  You were the very first person to contact me on BB's.  I was so scared and didn't even know how to navigate my way around the site.  It seemed you were on point to console me on every post until I found my way.

I knew whenever you said something that I could take it to the bank.

Again thank you for giving your time and energy to all of us and know you have helped many and changed lives with your kind word...

Thank you to the moon and back,

Annie

 

Annie,

 

Aw what a lovely post.    You know I only did for you what others did for me.  We all just hold tight to each other and help one another the best that we can.

 

Sometimes this journey does feel like we are going to the moon and back, but there is a destination and that is wellness.  You'll get there, believe that always.

 

pianogirl

[[su...]]

PianoGirl, I'm so happy to read your success story!  You've been such a support and inspiration to me from the start, and I just <3 you to pieces.  Isn't it wonderful to say, "I'm healed" after wondering, at times, if it would ever get better, would ever end.  We were both given benzos for what was presumed to be an inner ear problem.  I can see myself in your story, not only the symptoms, but also bits and pieces of healing.  Thank you so much for sharing this and for all you do here.

 

Hugs,

Sunnyside

[[pi...]]

PianoGirl, I'm so happy to read your success story!  You've been such a support and inspiration to me from the start, and I just <3 you to pieces.  Isn't it wonderful to say, "I'm healed" after wondering, at times, if it would ever get better, would ever end.  We were both given benzos for what was presumed to be an inner ear problem.  I can see myself in your story, not only the symptoms, but also bits and pieces of healing.  Thank you so much for sharing this and for all you do here.

 

Hugs,

Sunnyside

 

Sunny, my driving, shopping buddie!! 

 

We do have a lot in common and we will have another thing in common: healing.  Yes, its certainly like a jigsaw puzzle - little bits here and there matching and fitting together. Little by little the entire picture comes into view and it is indeed a wonderfully beautiful picture.

 

Thank you as well for being such a great support to everyone here even while you are still recovering.  So many strong, wise and caring people here, you are one of them. I feel privileged to have met you.

 

Hugs,

 

PG  :smitten:

 

 

[[...]]

hi sweet angel;  yes the depression has been tough this week; glad i made it thru;  i was a boring teacher but did still have a couple amazing experiences with one on one's with hurting girls.  this has made me so much more compassionate.

i love you so darn much

16 months..a long time..i am so happy for you

this will be a blessing for me someday too; is already in many ways.

stay you

your pan

[[pi...]]

hi sweet angel;  yes the depression has been tough this week; glad i made it thru;  i was a boring teacher but did still have a couple amazing experiences with one on one's with hurting girls.  this has made me so much more compassionate.

i love you so darn much

16 months..a long time..i am so happy for you

this will be a blessing for me someday too; is already in many ways.

stay you

your pan

 

I say this over and over but its true, those kids are so lucky to have you in their lives. I am lucky as well, love you dear one.

 

PG 

[[tu...]]

pianogirl:

 

Reading that you struggled with driving and are doing good now is so reassuring to me.  Driving (anxiety and dizziness/boatiness at busy intersections, freeways, busy traffic) difficulties have been some of my scariest and longest lasting symptoms.  It has improved a lot of the last 11 months, but still some lingering anxiety remains (particularly if I have to drive more than a 10 min distance or take the freeway).  Some of the anxiety happens in the moment of the experience, but some is anticipatory as I get ready to head out.  How was this for you - similar?  When did it totally go away?  Did you do anything to improve it or did it just evaporate over time?  Would love to know as so much of what you wrote about I could relate to.  Thanks for being a support to all of us still struggling. 

 

Thanks so much!

TG

[[Li...]]

Hi Pianogirl, way to go with the success story! I came by to check on a few people and I wanted to congratulate you on your healing. All is well with me. I am planning my spring vacation and looking forward to it. I don't see many of the 2011 sufferers on line so I expect they are out enjoying life. I pray you continue to enjoy life.

 

Take care,

 

Lida boo

[[ca...]]

Hey PianoGirl,

 

You were the first person to greet me when I first came on BB. I am in a terrible wave now, but I plan on waiting a little longer, because it will be a window again soon.

I am so very happy for you and I cannot wait to write my own success story. I know it will happen...I just have to keep hanging on...

Thanks for hanging on before me..and showing me how to do it.

:smitten:Causingpain

[[ca...]]

Hi Pianogirl, I am so very happy to read your success story! You are right, our stories have many similarities. Unreal how this stuff happens to people, but we both made it through. I am so happy for you, enjoy your beautiful healed life!  Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. 

[[pi...]]

pianogirl:

 

Reading that you struggled with driving and are doing good now is so reassuring to me.  Driving (anxiety and dizziness/boatiness at busy intersections, freeways, busy traffic) difficulties have been some of my scariest and longest lasting symptoms.  It has improved a lot of the last 11 months, but still some lingering anxiety remains (particularly if I have to drive more than a 10 min distance or take the freeway).  Some of the anxiety happens in the moment of the experience, but some is anticipatory as I get ready to head out.  How was this for you - similar?  When did it totally go away?  Did you do anything to improve it or did it just evaporate over time?  Would love to know as so much of what you wrote about I could relate to.  Thanks for being a support to all of us still struggling. 

 

 

Thanks so much!

TG

 

Hi turtlegirl,

 

I also still had some lingering driving anxiety at 11 months off. It was sporadic, at times I would be able to drive without any issues and other times the usual suspects would show up.  The same things you feel, the uncomfortable feeling while waiting at traffic lights, a woozy feeling and not being relaxed at all when driving on the highway.  I would say I didn't really have anticipatory anxiety except if I was going somewhere new that was pretty far away.  A lot of times, once I started out I was fine.  Other times I would start out feeling great and postive and while stopped at the light woud start to experience symptoms of anxiety.

 

There is no rhyme or reason to this, but it did all go away.  It was gradual with me and eventually just disappeared. What did I do, a lot of self talk for sure.  I also gave myself a pat on the back for making it through an uncomfortable drive.  I know you will find the driving anxiety will lessen, time is the great healer.

 

PG 

[[pi...]]

Hi Pianogirl, way to go with the success story! I came by to check on a few people and I wanted to congratulate you on your healing. All is well with me. I am planning my spring vacation and looking forward to it. I don't see many of the 2011 sufferers on line so I expect they are out enjoying life. I pray you continue to enjoy life.

 

Take care,

 

Lida boo

 

Hi Lida boo,

 

Thanks for checking back in here at BB. I am so happy you are planning your spring vacation. I hope it is wonderful.  All the best to you.

 

PG 

[[pi...]]

Hey PianoGirl,

 

You were the first person to greet me when I first came on BB. I am in a terrible wave now, but I plan on waiting a little longer, because it will be a window again soon.

I am so very happy for you and I cannot wait to write my own success story. I know it will happen...I just have to keep hanging on...

Thanks for hanging on before me..and showing me how to do it.

:smitten:Causingpain

 

Hi Causingpain,

 

I'm sorry about the wave, it is so hard to go through them. I did, over and over again.  You are right, you will hang on and get through this time.  Good things are ahead for you.

 

PG 

[[tu...]]

PG:

 

Just read your post regarding how driving got better for you.  Thanks so much for responding.  It sounds like you encountered something very similar.

 

It is the same for me.  Some days good, some days stuff pops up.  Got a new hair dresser that is about a 25min. drive from my house.  I was so nervous to drive that far.  Took a test run first with my 17 y.o. daughter in the car (just in case I needed her) and then did the drive alone this week.  I was nervous and felt weird at first (even at the hair dresser, but that is another place I get symptomatic - so weird, I don't know why, I love to get my hair done), but by the time I was done I was great and did great driving home.  It was a true victory for me.  It reassures me more than you can know to hear that it just got better and better over time.  Even though all the success stories say it, you still worry you won't be that way.  Thanks for reiterating it yet again.  I am starting to believe.  I am starting to see the light and can see my success story just around the corner.

 

Warmly,

TG

[[...]]

hey music girl;  just checking you out.  this medical leave is awesome for me;  my blood pressure is down.  working on the dvd;  asking for prayer on that ok?  it is important;  we have to  take on this travesty. woke up at 3 am to type up little blurbs i can read on the dvd of the pain for impact.

in a bit of a window;  still get weak and anxious but mostly ok for about a week now;  so thankful.

continue your little ministry.  He is smiling on you dear one

your pan forever

 

if you want to say something to me i may miss it on your blog;  it is growing so fast so pm me or something.  see we have more space on the pm's ;  so cool.  man this site is crazy wonderful.  my love to colin

[[pi...]]

I wanted to post a quick update to my success story.  I am feeling so good, when I posted my story I think it was Jaso (Jenny) who said that things would keep getting better and better. She is so right.  Even when I think I could not feel any more well and healed a new day comes and it is better than the one before.

 

I do want to let my buddies know that not everything is withdrawal.  It is a good idea to get things checked out if you are having any chronic issues.  I have a really bad shoulder that I probably should have gotten looked at last summer when it started bothering me.  I attributed it the pain to withdrawal since I had a lot of pain during my withdrawal and recovery.

 

This year its has been worse so I told my doctor I needed an mri. I have so much going on with my shoulder from full thickness and partial thickness tears to my rotator cuff, a torn bicep tendon, bone spurs, nerve impingement, bursitis and fluid on my shoulder.  I had the same issue on the left side and had surgery a couple of years ago.  I believe I let the right go too long. My right arm is pretty non functional, I can use it, but I will pay later.  So I'm scheduled for surgery next month. 

 

Take care of your bodies the best you can.  I'm looking forward to getting my shoulder fixed, rehabbing and getting back to my favorite activities.

 

PG 

[[tu...]]

Hi Pianogirl!

 

I can't tell you how happy it makes me to hear you are feeling better and better - that is terrific!

 

I take hope in that as my healing (while getting there slowly) has had its little set backs here and there.  Those little waves/symptomatic days make me worry I will never get back to where I was before this all began.

 

Your story is very similar to mine, so I take heart in knowing you got better and keep on getting better.

 

Thanks for posting an update.  We love to hear from you.

 

Good luck with your shoulder.  My step-mom had a similar surgery a couple years ago.  It is a long recovery (something you are used to after this for sure), but it will heal and be worth it.

 

Warmly,

TG

[[Ho...]]

pg, this is good news...not the shoulder bit but I'm glad you're getting better and better each day. 

[[...]]

Hi PG

 

Sorry to hear about your shoulder.  I hope you heal real fast, so you can enjoy the summer.

 

pj