Driving in the Left Lane- pianogirl's Story of Healing and Hope for all of You!

[[ha...]]

Hope, faith and love are everything !

 

Thanks to all of you for all of the above !

Hanging in there

[[Ho...]]

I'm so pleased that so many are reading about pianogirl's journey. She truly is an inspiration for us all.

 

I know I've thanked you before but ....thank you so much for writing this, pg. I think your post will comfort so many. It clearly has already. I won't gush....but you are the best and I am so proud to call you my friend. 

 

Ok, I'll stop now. 

[[St...]]

Hi Pianogirl,

 

I have been off the forum for a few days and was so happy to come back and find your success story.  Wow what an impact your story is.  All beginning with a few seconds of an ENT making a split decision.  I feel that was done for me, a fast decision for PMS after I weaned my daughter. Life changing these decisions drs make sometimes, too often than not if all the benzo stories were really told.

 

I am so happy for you.  What a wonderful story you have told.  It truly gives hope to me to read it.  I so often feel I am headed in the direction of healing but then a wave comes along and sets the fright back in that it won't happen. Stories like yours and so many others give me the encouragement to proceed on.  It is 1 am and your story gives me the calm to ride out the night.  Days are long but so often the nights are longer and fears can heighten with those hours of the dark. Your words have made a difference in my night and I thank you.

 

Did you have trouble sleeping?  I sleep every night but I'm not on a regular 11 to 7 schedule. I am up most every night til 4-6 am. I more often than not sleep from 6 til 2 pm anymore. I don't know how to move that around. Any suggestions I would appreciate.  I have tried to get up at mid morning and my heart palpitations are so strong and I feel sick from not getting the sleep in.

 

May you have continued healing in 2013 and continue to appreciate the beauties in life,

love,

Sally 

[[pi...]]

Pianogirl,

 

This is by far the best thread I have read here in a while!  You had mentioned before that we had similar journeys and reading yours again I was struck by the similarities. 

 

You write very eloquently, you are just a class act all around.  I feel blessed to have encountered you here and am so, so happy you have healed. 

 

Much respect and admiration,

Tamzo

 

Hi Tam,

 

You are too kind. I remember when I could hardly string words together to make a coherent sentence. 

 

You and I have had a lot in common and you were one of the first buddies I was so fortunate to meet.  I very much appreciated you visiting my blog and making my day a little brighter. I don't know how I would have made it this far without the support of people like you. You are very special and so loved here Tam. I do hope all the best for you in dealing with your life stresses now.

 

Thank you for being here and being you.

 

Hugs,

 

PG 

[[pi...]]

Hope, faith and love are everything !

 

Thanks to all of you for all of the above !

Hanging in there

 

Thank you hanging there !!! 

 

PG

[[pi...]]

I'm so pleased that so many are reading about pianogirl's journey. She truly is an inspiration for us all.

 

I know I've thanked you before but ....thank you so much for writing this, pg. I think your post will comfort so many. It clearly has already. I won't gush....but you are the best and I am so proud to call you my friend. 

 

Ok, I'll stop now. 

 

Aw Hope,

 

That was so sweet of you to write this.  I am surely not the best, I am just another person very committed to helping others through this withdrawal.  There are so many like me.  You are one of them, my life is so much fuller since you and I have become friends.  I might gush.... 

 

Love,

 

PG 

[[Ho...]]

I'm so pleased that so many are reading about pianogirl's journey. She truly is an inspiration for us all.

 

I know I've thanked you before but ....thank you so much for writing this, pg. I think your post will comfort so many. It clearly has already. I won't gush....but you are the best and I am so proud to call you my friend. 

 

Ok, I'll stop now. 

 

Aw Hope,

 

That was so sweet of you to write this.  I am surely not the best, I am just another person very committed to helping others through this withdrawal.  There are so many like me.  You are one of them, my life is so much fuller since you and I have become friends. I might gush.... 

 

Love,

 

PG 

 

giggle

[[pi...]]

Did you have trouble sleeping?  I sleep every night but I'm not on a regular 11 to 7 schedule. I am up most every night til 4-6 am. I more often than not sleep from 6 til 2 pm anymore. I don't know how to move that around. Any suggestions I would appreciate.  I have tried to get up at mid morning and my heart palpitations are so strong and I feel sick from not getting the sleep in.

 

 

Hi Sally,

 

Thank you so much for the lovely response.  I have rued many times stepping into that ENT office.  Its in the past now and the future is much more important to me.  I know your future will be full of health and wellness also.

 

I have been blessed to not endure too many sleep problems.  Yes, when I first jumped off I did not sleep much for about 2 weeks.  After that my sleep was broken up by the many adrenalin rushes I would get. I did read up on how to get proper sleep because I am pretty disfunctional without sleep.

 

I follow very strict sleep hygiene. My method is mine alone and really departs from some of the usual suggestions.  I do go to bed at the same time every night.  I have a very heavy quilt on the bed.  At one time I was thinking of getting one of those weighted blankets that I read about here on the forum, but the quilt works quite well for me.  I like the room cool and me toasty warm so I have at least 1 down blanket on the bed. 

 

Many studies say to avoid stimulation at bedtime like the computer or the TV.  I do stay off the computer but I find television very boring (lol) so I put it on when I want to go to sleep.  Most often I fall asleep within 30 minutes.  Yes, the television is still on, I usually wake up and turn it off.

 

When I used to wake with the adrenalin surges I would practice slow deep belly breathing and conscious relaxation.  I also had a mantra I would repeat to myself, one of them was "what I am feeling is my healing".

 

I also read a post by Pamster at one point. She was a remarkable admin here for quite a while and the first person to greet me here on BB. She said to get up every morning and greet the day.  Before I read that I would stay in bed to try to stem the morning anxiety.  After I read her post I got up and did some gentle stretches every morning.

 

I wonder if you can slowly begin to change your sleep pattern.  You might think of it similar to a taper making small adjustments to your bedtime hours to give your body a chance to adjust.

 

I also take a small amount of Calm Magnesium.

 

I hope that perhaps I have given you a couple of ideas to help with your sleep.  Sleep is such an elixer, our bodies need good rest.

 

PG 

[[St...]]

Dearest Pianogirl,

 

Thank you very much for your various suggestions on sleeping. 

 

I think now that the holidays are over and life is getting more routine again, it is time for me to start going to bed at the same time each night, whether I fall asleep or not. Get off the computer and relax.  My husband goes to bed each night at 10 pm due to work, so I need to start retiring at 11 to midnight which is my goal.

 

I don't have the adrenaline surges at night - thank goodness those have passed - it is just early morning.  Maybe if I got up and moved they would go away.

 

I also take magnesium at night.

 

Love sleeping under a quilt, have one that my grandmother made, also brings me comfort for it reminds me of my mother who passed last year.

 

I agree that sleep is very important to us.  I am so thankful that I do get it, where in my early months of c/t I didn't but it just isn't on a consistant hourly schedule.  My DO told me that once my sleep settled down then my cortisol levels would level out and weight would be easier to lose and anxiety would improve. 

 

As I have traveled this journey the past 16 1/2 months I am so blessed to have had much healing. I was making a running list tonight of all that has healed as far as many physical sxs. I know I'm headed in the right direction, it just gets tiring as I know you understand.  The good, wonderful news is that we do heal, this isn't permanent. 

 

Thank you again for taking the time to respond to me.

 

My best wishes for you,

Sally 

[[Bo...]]

Hi Pianogirl,

 

Thanks so much for your very inspirational sorry and I'm so happy for you..  I joined BB in late October and you have been very nice to me and an inspiration to all..    Best wishes moving forward... enjoy it all..  BB2

[[pi...]]

Hi Pianogirl,

 

Thanks so much for your very inspirational sorry and I'm so happy for you..  I joined BB in late October and you have been very nice to me and an inspiration to all..    Best wishes moving forward... enjoy it all..  BB2

 

Thanks BB2, you'll get to that healing place as well. 

 

PG 

[[mi...]]

Thank you PG.  It is so beneficial to here those words "it will heal" from someone who has walked the path before us.  I know it may be different for each of us but having the knowledge that it does go away is quite empowering. 

 

Sincerely,

M

[[Li...]]

 

¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Pianogirl is Healed! ♪♫•*¨*

 

•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪  Now that is music to my ears and happiness to my heart ♪♫•*•.¸♥

 

¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Congratulations!  May you enjoy your healing so very much! ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥

♥

Lily

[[dm...]]

Your words bring comfort and hope to me. I am at the beginning of my benzo ordeal having reached tolerance withdrawals last October, and recovering from severe manipulations to my dose in December (2mg clonazepam down to .5mg in 11 days...updosed on my own to 1.5mg due WD).

 

This is my first experience with tolerance WD symptoms...I've been "benzo boogy" for about three years taking clonazepam, restoril, and halcion. NEVER developed these symptoms. Horrified by the brain fog, slowed thinking, painful cognition, tiredness, lethargy, distorted vision...I'm sure you know them all.

 

Only YOU'RE HEALED!

 

Thank you for investing the time and effort in posting your story...as I navigate this quagmire, struggle with my job with these symptoms, and realize this new frame of life that has been bestowed upon me...

 

God knows I didn't ask for it.

 

May your life be filled with peace and harmony.

 

Regards/  David

 

[[Ki...]]

Piano Girl - I am thrilled that you have healed. You are one who has given me inspiration and hope because I play piano too and have a handful of students. I know how much of yourself you have to invest in terms of enthusiasm, encouragement, heart and soul to both play and teach. I am very impressed that you have continued to work right through this ordeal, and I'm sure your pupils never got less than 100%. You have helped me with your kind support. In another life, in different circumstances, I would very much like to meet you.

Go well and continue to dance in the sunshine.

Kit

 

[[pi...]]

Thank you PG.  It is so beneficial to here those words "it will heal" from someone who has walked the path before us.  I know it may be different for each of us but having the knowledge that it does go away is quite empowering. 

 

Sincerely,

M

 

Hi M,

 

You have come a long way so far from a high dose of benzo. You might have a bit more to travel on your journey to wellness, but you will get there. The human body is amazing and it wants to heal and will work until that happens.

 

PG 

[[pi...]]

 

¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Pianogirl is Healed! ♪♫•*¨*

 

•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪  Now that is music to my ears and happiness to my heart ♪♫•*•.¸♥

 

¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ Congratulations!  May you enjoy your healing so very much! ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥

♥

Lily

 

Thank you for the lovely words from a lovely person Lily!!!

 

PG 

[[pi...]]

Your words bring comfort and hope to me. I am at the beginning of my benzo ordeal having reached tolerance withdrawals last October, and recovering from severe manipulations to my dose in December (2mg clonazepam down to .5mg in 11 days...updosed on my own to 1.5mg due WD).

 

This is my first experience with tolerance WD symptoms...I've been "benzo boogy" for about three years taking clonazepam, restoril, and halcion. NEVER developed these symptoms. Horrified by the brain fog, slowed thinking, painful cognition, tiredness, lethargy, distorted vision...I'm sure you know them all.

 

Only YOU'RE HEALED!

 

Thank you for investing the time and effort in posting your story...as I navigate this quagmire, struggle with my job with these symptoms, and realize this new frame of life that has been bestowed upon me...

 

God knows I didn't ask for it.

 

May your life be filled with peace and harmony.

 

Regards/  David

 

David,

 

Peace and harmony, what a nice message and what all of us would love to embrace.

 

You certainly were on a lot of medications.  I am amazed and really appalled that someone would put a person on so many benzos.  Yes, your first drop was very significant and no wonder you suffered so much.  Good for you for deciding to do a slow taper. That will help insure your success.

 

Yes, its not just a wish or a pipe dream, healing does happen.  Know that you are strong enough to make this journey and find your own peace and harmony.  I wish you the best.

 

PG 

[[pi...]]

Piano Girl - I am thrilled that you have healed. You are one who has given me inspiration and hope because I play piano too and have a handful of students. I know how much of yourself you have to invest in terms of enthusiasm, encouragement, heart and soul to both play and teach. I am very impressed that you have continued to work right through this ordeal, and I'm sure your pupils never got less than 100%. You have helped me with your kind support. In another life, in different circumstances, I would very much like to meet you.

Go well and continue to dance in the sunshine.

Kit

 

Kit,

 

A fellow piano player and teacher, how wonderful.  Yes, in a different world I would love to meet you and talk about teaching and music.  It is such a pleasure to open up the world of music to young people. Or even more mature people, my oldest student is 70. 

 

I most definitely was not able to give 100% all the time during my journey.  There were days that I was in a daze.  The good thing is the teaching did provide a distraction from the many symptoms. I believe very strongly that distraction is key to coping with some of these awful effects.

 

I hope that in some small way I can help people through what is the most difficult thing we will most likely do.  I will dance and dance (in the privacy of my home). 

 

PG 

[[mi...]]

PG,

Yes I am starting to accept the fact that it might be more time than say you or others due to the high amounts.  The good news is that I was really only on very high amounts towards the end of the last year on the meds.  I also feel like I am progressing in some cases as well others on the site who took much less.  So, I am seeing some progress. The hard thing for me is feeling healed enough to do more in life but not fully healed.  So I am overly cautious in this state of vulnerability.  Kind of the gray stage.  I'll sleep on it with hopes that tomorrow is better than today.  Did you have an epiphanies during healing, like you woke up one day and said holy cow, I feel great or this is gone, I am healed?  Thank you and may your every dream come true.

 

M 

[[pi...]]

PG,

Yes I am starting to accept the fact that it might be more time than say you or others due to the high amounts.  The good news is that I was really only on very high amounts towards the end of the last year on the meds.  I also feel like I am progressing in some cases as well others on the site who took much less.  So, I am seeing some progress. The hard thing for me is feeling healed enough to do more in life but not fully healed.  So I am overly cautious in this state of vulnerability.  Kind of the gray stage.  I'll sleep on it with hopes that tomorrow is better than today.  Did you have an epiphanies during healing, like you woke up one day and said holy cow, I feel great or this is gone, I am healed?  Thank you and may your every dream come true.

 

M

 

Hi M,

 

From what I have read its not the length of time on the benzo nor the dosage that determines the severity or length of withdrawal. The biggest factor is each persons genetic makeup.  Perseverence wrote something very interesting on her blog about the future of medicine and how a blood test would be able to determine if someone would have a bad reaction to a drug or a difficult withdrawal. Wouldn't that be lovely. Of course, it won't help us but I would be so happy if no one else has to experience what I did and all of you are going through.

 

Its good, no great, that you are seeing progress.  Healing is going on all the time. I understand your reticence to jump back into life with both feet.  That is normal. Its actually a better idea to take baby steps and test the waters in just a small way. 

 

You asked if I had any epiphanies, well yes.  I can't tell you how many I had, there were a lot. Sometimes I would wake up and know I felt well,  only to be visited by the usual symptoms later on. Other times I would have a sudden feeling of lightness, freedom during the day. There were several times I felt so well that I started to formulate my success story in my head.  Whoops, too early because the withdrawal wasn't finished with me and I would have a wave of effects.

 

The biggest change was this fall, I felt good so much of the time and I no longer thought of withdrawal from the time I got up until the time I went to bed. I didn't wonder which symptom would creep up because they just weren't there. I didn't have to weight the risks and benefits of any activity, I just did them.  That is truly a feeling of freedom that I will never take for granted ever again.

 

PG 

[[mi...]]

Many thanks PG.  This is so helpful and appreciated.  Thank you.

M

[[wa...]]

Dear Piano Girl,

 

I am so encouraged by your story. I am still very sick and am at that place where I'm not sure I'll ever recover.

 

I have one particular question for you: are you sensitive to stress?  Does stress ( either distress or eustress) bring on any sxs?  I am scared of being left with a cns that is too sensitive.

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

WFR

[[pi...]]

Dear Piano Girl,

 

I am so encouraged by your story. I am still very sick and am at that place where I'm not sure I'll ever recover.

 

I have one particular question for you: are you sensitive to stress?  Does stress ( either distress or eustress) bring on any sxs?  I am scared of being left with a cns that is too sensitive.

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

WFR

 

Waitingforelief,

 

You will recover,  I know when you are sick it is so hard to see a time when wellness will happen.  Recovery will happen, keep this in the forefront of your mind.

 

Yes, stress can affect your cns, it did for me also.  I tried very hard to keep my stress at a minimum. I think all of us in withdrawal have to do this. However life goes on and at times my stress levels did increase. I continued to work and certain parts of my job did cause me an uptick in my symptoms. I remember last year at my spring recital I did experience quite a lot of dizziness. These things happen and its important to accept it and know that it won't hurt you and you will survive.

 

This past fall I experienced some strong stresses in my life, the death of a dear friend, a big performance and other issues.  I knew at this point that I was pretty well healed because I felt like I handled these concerns without any return of symptoms.  I no longer worried about how my cns would react. Of course I was sad, I grieved, I cried but that is a normal reaction to death.

 

Be patient with yourself and never ever stop believing in healing.

 

PG 

[[ho...]]

Thank you for your story piano girl. I had urgery w pain killers and I had to do another taper. w/ valium. right now I am 2 weeks with no meds. I still have tinnitus but it is getting better . Did you have this too? I am hoping it goes away completely . That would be so fantastic.