The Klonopin Klub

[[mu...]]

I had a terrible morning today.  I don 't know what happened but it scared me.  I was on the floor moaning, face turning red, sweating so bad my clothes were wet but was wrapped in a blanket because I was shivering.  I couldn't  go to my doctor 's appointment and was an hour late to work. It was awful at work but I made it to the end of the day.  What happened to me?

[[re...]]

Mustlovedogs, it sounds as though you got slammed by one of those extremely severe attacks of withdrawal symptoms that can sometimes happen.  Here's one question--had you been able to sleep the night before?  I found that some of my worst moments were the culmination of a night of extremely poor sleep, or no sleep at all.  In the end, there was nothing I could do but suffer through.  That said, what you've described sounds worse than anything that ever hit me all at the same time.  Is there anything you've used to good effect before to settle down some of your symptoms?  I know how bad the shakes are--there's nothing quite like shivering uncontrollably to make you feel totally helpless.  One thing I found helpful with that, though, was very concentrated deep breathing.  Try it, if you can--it certainly won't hurt, and it may help.  It can sometimes help you get to sleep as well.  For sleep, too, try the lying-down mindfulness body-scan I recommended to Perfect Daughter in a post earlier this evening.  I'm trying to suggest ways of self-soothing that don't involve ingesting anything.  But for safe things to ingest, there are various teas--if you don't mind herbal tea--that may possibly help.  Ginger is one, and others swear by chamomile and peppermint.  A warm bath?  I'm not much into baths, but they work for some people, and can be combined with aromatherapy as well. 

 

I hope this awful episode won't recur.  Meanwhile, pat yourself on the back for having managed to get through your day at work, despite the terrible start your day got off to!

 

As for the MIGRAINE question--peppermint oil!  No one ever suggested that to me before.  Will perhaps try it next time.  I hope it works for others who are having headache trouble.

 

Sleep well, all -

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[ja...]]

Morning, all. 7 more hours until I'm out of this hellhole until Monday. There is a God.

 

I just updated my Success Story ("I have crossed the Rubicon, Let the bridge be burned behind me") so I invite you guys to take a look at how I was during each month up to 6 now - I updated every month.

 

Hopefully I will have time to post during the long weekend. We're off to Tennessee tomorrow.

 

Hugs to all and thanks for the migrane info.

[[re...]]

Hey, Jax -

 

Well, now (10:30 EST) I make it about an hour-and-a-half you can subtract from the seven you referred to earlier, so about five-and-a-half to go (if I've done the math right--always a question, especially with GMT thrown into the equation!), and then you get to breathe for a few days--hang in there!  And have a good and safe trip to Tennessee!

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[ja...]]

3 JOB INTERVIEWS from calls I got in the last 4 hours!!!

 

Thanks, Rek . Now it's 3 hours to go!

[[re...]]

JAX!!  Three interviews?!?!  You ROCK!  This should give you hope--a nice way to start your five-day break!  OK, fingers crossed that one of them leads to something much more pleasant and sane--and remunerative, too!!

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[In...]]

Just saying hi to all of you. I've got a few w/d sx from my last exchange of X for K. Hasn't been as hard as previous experiences for which I'm so glad.

 

One more exchange and I'm on K totally. Should I be glad or sad? Well, I'll still be tapering down the road here using micro tapering to the max. Very few mgs removed each day. In fact, hundredths of Mg. Not tenths.

 

But still much to do before that. Today, I am going out to get pies at SAMs club. Younger daughter works there and has put some aside for us as they are selling fast. Other shopping to do, but thank goodness, minimal. Older daughter doing most of cooking. I knew I had these kids for a reason.

 

Hope you all are ok. I got caught up yesterday in family matters and a very fascinating thread. Wow, I felt productive!

 

Anyway, today, I hope to be truly productive.

 

Intend

[[mu...]]

Another attack this morning.  I did have good sleep before these two attacks, without the help of a sleeping pill.  The burning sensation and sweating is terrible.  I couldn't eat any breakfast, drink a coke or take a shower.  I gave in at 10am and took another Neurontin .  I want to stop that drug also but it sometimes helps me with the Benzo withdrawal.  I had to be at work at 11:30.  These last two days have made me realize I can't work in the mornings.  I probably would always be late due to another attack.  Now I have to worry about tomorrow morning , I'm having some carpet people come at 8am.  I have to be in good condition for them. 

[[Mi...]]

 

I have been tappering from Kolonpin since September. I discovered that my body was addicted to it. I have been taking it since 2006 for sleep and had no idea it was addictive until now. I lost my job and with that went my insurance and my meds. I went cold turkey in September and had sever withdraws called the doctor paid out of pocket and I am now tappering.

 

I just finished with the 1mg and am now at .5. I started in September went from 4mg to 2mg stayed on that for a month then went down to 1mg and now down to .5. I am having so many horrible side effects. My biggest complaints are Numbness all over, tingling and my body hurts all over, can't even touch me without it hurting.

 

My doctor suggested I take the Cloidine patch to help with the withdrawls so I am starting this tonight. No history of High BP in fact its really low all the time. I live alone and I am scared all the time these side effects are horrible and I would be delighted to talk to ppl going thru the same things or maybe advice on how to handle these side effects as they come.

 

Also I stated I began taking this for sleep aid...jokes on me cause now I have mega insomnia can't sleep and if I do its only about 30 mins at a time. This is my story so far.

 

[[re...]]

Mustlovedogs and Misery, in that order -

 

MLD, if a shower is out, can you give yourself a gentle sponge bath to alleviate the burning sensation and sweating?  Just an idea.  This sounds awful, but surely it will pass--maybe even in a few days.  I hope you can have some kind of Thanksgiving celebration, at least.  I don't know whether or not Neurontin interferes with progress in benzo withdrawal--have you consulted anyone on this?

 

Misery, cold turkey off Klonopin is extremely rough--it can actually be dangerous, so be careful.  I am so sorry you are going through this.  I didn't have numbness, but I had something like tingling (in my case more like burning--as if I had patches of very localized sunburn), and the all-over body pain: yup, been there done that.  It's horrible, I know--I would be sitting at the computer, my knee would come to rest accidentally against the desk, and I'd have to move it away, because it would hurt so much.  If I sat down, I couldn't lean my hands on my thighs or knees--too painful.  Being scared sounds only too familiar, too--I didn't even understand what I was scared OF, I was just--scared.  It's hard to be alone.  Do you at least have a pet?  In any case, the fear will pass, eventually--so will the insomnia, but it'll take time.  Alas, there's no easy way to go through this.  I hope you have people who can offer encouragement and support--are there friends or family members you can call up, at least during the daytime?  At any rate, we're here.  Let us know how you are.  Your symptoms sound very familiar to me, and I remember only too well how miserable it was to be in the middle of them, but they went away.  I was past the worst in the space of a couple of weeks.  I hope your worst will pass quickly, too.

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[mu...]]

Rekroywen

 

The Neurontin was prescribed by my psychiatrist who is treating me for hydrocodone withdrawal with suboxone.  I was taking hydrocodone sometimes 3 times a day due to migraines.  In April I had migraine surgery and have not had any migraines. 

[[li...]]

Hi Mustlovedogs,

 

Does that mean that you are still on suboxone? 

 

Glad to hear that your migraines are better ...... hope tomorrow morning is easier for you .....

 

Take care now,

Lizie

[[mu...]]

Yes I'm still on suboxone.  I probably will be on it for another 6 months. I know I will have to start tapering that drug soon.

[[re...]]

Good morning, all--I hope you are OK. 

 

MLD, I hope you didn't have another attack this morning like the past couple of mornings. 

 

Misery, how are you?

 

Others--Brian, SkyZone, Intend, Jax (if you're online; maybe in transit), Lizie, Genoa, and I can't name everyone, there are too many of us.  I hope you are all hanging in there--holidays, of course, can raise the stakes, especially when combined with pre-existing struggles and stress.

 

I am out of sorts this morning.  Doesn't feel like anything substance-related (unless I made my tea too strong and the caffeine's getting to me--slight headachey feeling suggests that might be the case), so much as just LIFE, and the way life gets sometimes.  Bumpy time with spouse since Sunday for reasons unknown, or only partially understood.  And I had my meditation class last night, too, so I should be more even-keeled than I feel right now!

 

But I am OK--I'm not, at least right now, up against what so many of you are dealing with.  Be well.

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[li...]]

Rek - Sorry you are feeling 'out of sorts' today ..... hubby issues don't help, I know full well. 

Just take good care of yourself and I am sure the mood will lift ....... perfectly natural to feel 'off' at times!  We can't blame everything on w/d!!

 

MLD - I asked about suboxone, because I had terrible flashes while on it, and also when withdrawing from lyrica (same family as neurontin).  I just wondered if flashes are what you are describing?  Hope this a.m is easier for you.

 

Jax - great news about job opportunities ..... one day closer to Tennessee for you!!

 

Skyzone - hope your plan is going smoothly ....

 

Take care everyone ........

Lizie

[[re...]]

Thanks so much, Lizie--bless your heart!  I hope this day goes well and comfortably for you -

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[li...]]

I am happy to be here for you, Rek. 

 

You have been so kind and supportive to me, and to everyone, through this ordeal .......

 

I don't think this club would be the same without your comforting voice of reason !! 

 

Lizie

[[In...]]

Rek,

 

Sorry to hear you're out of sorts this am. The hubby issue could be related to all that construction you had to do with your basement. Just a guess on my part, but we've done some ourselves, mostly last January, and also out of necessity.

 

New furnace, air conditioner, new gas heatilator, and water heater. This hubby here is rather talented with a variety of things himself, but could never have tackled this stuff. Lots of money spent, and actually my hubby is just super happy to spend it no matter what.

 

But he has a TBI, and isn't really worried about spending at all. But I get concerned, so if there's issues, perhaps your hubby is still ruminating over that.

 

Anyway, I hope the construction is where you want it to be. That's some comfort.

 

Well, I'm not addressing everyone here, but hope you all are ok with your tapers. I'm still in my next to last exchange and feeling X w/d to some degree, of course!

 

It's been better ( or at least not worse) physically this time, but I have had some substantial cog fog from it. I do not like that at all, but can't imagine anyone would. It really keeps me from tackling my daily responsibilities. Last night hubby and I went to do some quick pick ups for Thanksgiving and of course the good old fog was with me. He does not drive due to his injury, but he tells me how to drive.

 

We made it back ok, but I'm surely glad my cooking this year is limited as our older daughter has taken the bulk of the reins. Well, onward, I suppose.

 

Intend

[[Mi...]]

Rek I am doing much better today from over the weekend . I am having a hard time figuring out what my tolerance is. I was at 1mg took too many and ran out early like 6 days early and experienced terrible withdrawls. 

 

I made to the Doctor yesterday and she gave me .5 and the Clonidine Patch. I took the pill last night along with putting the patch on. I took a hot bath and listened to spa music on the laptop.

 

Today I woke up and I feel somewhat normal from the weekend . I guess I want to know if I took the .5 and feel somewhat normal could be ok with this dose and able to tapper from here? I didn't sleep as well as I would with my normal dose but I did sleep a little. My muscles are still sore and I have muscle weakness but overall I feel much better than I felt Saturday or Sunday.

 

I did notice a few hours after I placed the patch on my anxiety dropped and I couldn't feel my heart beating out of my chest anymore. I felt the eletric shocks going through me and this morning when I woke up I it was gone .

 

If a .5 can alieve those symptoms could that mean my once high Tolerance is down?? I plan on going back next month and asking for another 1 month supply of .5 and tappering with Milk to go down a little more. I read that .5 is equilvent to a high dose of Valium.

 

Anyway thanks for asking about me. I am so glad I found this site. It has eased my mind so much .

 

I am sorry your having a bad day. I hope your day gets better!  My good day made me realize I shouldn't take them for granite.

[[ja...]]

Hi everyone, en route to Tennessee...thanks, all for thinking of me.

 

My mother-in-law is driving me up the wall. Just sayin',  Look, cows!

 

Rek, are you feeling better? You are always so here for everyone, let us know if you need a good book recommendation or a bubble bath brand recommendation . You remind me that it's ok to feel crappy sometimes - not that I'm glad you feel crappy - but I hear you about the spouse issues.

 

Hi Misery and MLD...we can all relate to what you're going through. I'm a cold-turkey-er myself, did it under a doc's care (!!!!) and don't recommend it to anyone. If I had any advice it would be to listen, share, absorb...this is a great group.

 

So along with everything else, twitching came back in my neck last night (all you guys with neck problems can empathize, I know) and a lot of my body, but the good part is that I've trained myself so well in breathing relaxation techniques that I was able to overcome it and get some sleep. I woke up at 5:45 AM and actually went back to bed! Go figure!

 

I had a job interview with a great company this morning where I had to speak to 2 HR people and the guy who would be my boss...I screwed up though, because when I called back I couldn't remember the Director of HR's last name and asked for "the Maureen with the white hair". It was actually blond, and I'm actually paranoid, and I'm really desperate...I have the second and final interview with them Monday at noon. Did I screw up?   :'( You know what? My neck was twitching and I did the very best I could...

 

I also have 2 phone interviews on Monday morning - one is a company in NYC and the other is a work-from-home. I have a few more I'm waiting for calls from. It looks good but my self-worth is absolutely shot.

 

Hey, let's do this: everyone check in with 3 things they are thankful for this Thanksgiving (you international guys too )

 

I'll go first:

 

1. I am so thankful for having not just enough food, but enough good food.

2. I'm so thankful for my husband, as we're about to celebrate our 3rd Christmas together.

3. I'm thankful for the ability to appreciate the many facets of nature.

 

I almost forgot:

 

4. I am SO thankful to be celebrating my first Thanksgiving off benzos since 1991!!! It's so worth all the annoying withdrawal sxs, everyone.

 

Hugs to all!

[[mu...]]

The withdrawal was with me this morning but not as bad as on Monday.  The carpet people were here for three hours this morning and I was able to function while they were here.  I'm back to not being able to eat like at the beginning of the withdrawal.  The site of food makes me sick and my stomach is always upset in the morning.  I wonder if I did the right thing by stopping the benzos because I'm tired of feeling so terrible everyday.  Stress level went sky high today.  My 90 mother-in-law is going to be moving in with us.  My husband won't put her in a nursing home.  I need my benzos now to make me feel good.

[[re...]]

Good morning, all, and happy Thanksgiving to those of you Stateside, general good wishes to everyone, wherever you are!  I'm THANKFUL for you guys, for this site, and in a specific way right now for the supportive words that came through to me yesterday.  LIZIE and JAX (using caps for the moment instead of starting new paragraphs), thank you for your complimentary words--they mean a lot to me!  And right on, INTEND--you are very perceptive.  When I said that reasons for the strained feelings in my house were "partially understood" I was indeed referring to residual tensions around the basement and plumbing work, and the expense entailed therein.  Thank you, too MISERY, for sympathizing.  Things did get better yesterday.  My husband called from work, and we had a brief conversation that eased things.  The headachey feeling was with me most of the day--I just didn't feel quite well.  I drank a ginseng infusion the other day, and I have a feeling that was a mistake: beware ginseng, everyone . . . just in case.  May be fine for people with no trace of benzos in their systems, but I suspect that for those of us whose gaba receptors are still unstable it's not so good.  Live and learn--I should have looked it up BEFORE I drank it.

 

Jax, don't be too sure you screwed up in that interview.  If your confidence is at a low ebb to begin with (and whose wouldn't be, given the workplace ugliness you've been up against?), you're likely to perceive things that way even if they go just fine, or if any glitches are really minor.  Try to set worry aside, and concentrate on the next couple of interviews.  Plus, if you got three so quickly, then if need be you'll get more.  Meanwhile, your mother-in-law . . . well, what can I say?  One of the hazards of holidays!  Any more cows in sight to watch?  They chew their cud, looking peaceful, if a bit vacant . . .  Someone I knew who was a vegetarian used to see cows and go over to the fence to tell them earnestly, "I don't eat you!"  I'm a vegetarian, too (well, semi-; I do eat fish), but I don't usually bother telling the cows about it . . .

 

Intend, I'm very glad you have capable and willing family members to help take much of the burden of Thanksgiving preparations off shoulders--you must have done/be doing a great job raising your kids!  Sit back, relax with whatever you find soothing, and enjoy the day!  You've more than earned it.

 

Lizie, have you tried any balms or patches yet?  I really hope you can find something that helps.  I'm still slathering on the Tiger Balm liniment; part of its effectiveness for me may be that I love the fragrance--I don't know!

 

Misery, I am very glad you started feeling a bit better.  Just the relief of knowing there's something you can do that makes a positive difference can, I think, in itself help you heal: it takes some of the edge off of fear and anxiety.  I know you probably feel a bit as though you're groping your way through this--we all seem to be subject to some version of that experience, because such help as doctors offer is so sketchy, and tends to be based on assumptions that favor medication as appropriate treatment for conditions that might be best addressed in some other way.  Keep trying to observe your own responses--what works, and what doesn't--and gradually you'll get a better feel for how to take the best care of yourself.

 

MLD, you are in a really tough place.  I can't believe that on top of everything else you're going through you are going to have to worry about caring for an elderly person living with you.  One would like, in principle, just to be able to open up and welcome an extended-family member in such need, but, realistically speaking, most of our lives don't easily allow for that, and when you're struggling with a medication or withdrawal situation that destabilizes you, you're already at a disadvantage.  If a nursing home isn't an option, is there any way you could get some in-home help--a nurse to come in either during the day or at night (whichever would make the most positive difference)?  Care of another severely dependent person is a lot for you to take on.  As for the food/nausea problem, I understand that so well.  It was incredible to me that I could not eat with appetite while I was on clonazepam.  In my case, there was another issue that constrained my diet severely--I could eat only a handful of extremely bland foods; that didn't help.  My family was alarmed, and so was I, but once I was at last solidly into withdrawal (meaning I was off, not just tapering), I began to be able to eat more normally again, and all my lost weight came back.  I hope somehow you can get to the same place sooner rather than later.

 

OK, folks, I'm going to go read the directions on the package of vegan "turkey" that's sitting in the refrigerator.  I already read the ingredients--not exactly health food, vegan or no, what with the carageenan and other stuff I normally avoid, but oh, well--maybe for just this one day I'll get away with it.

 

I hope Thanksgiving is gentle with all of you, and that we can all give ourselves the relaxation and good nourishment that may help us recover -

 

Peace and warm wishes,

 

Rek 

[[Ly...]]

Good Morning Everyone I just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving! hope you all have a fantastic day with your loved ones.

[[Ge...]]

Today I'm thankful that my kids are no longer toddlers/preschoolers, and can take care of themselves and the cooking.  I'm still too sick to cook.

 

It's been a good long while since I've been this sick on Thanksgiving.  It used to happen fairly regularly.  The year I was pregnant with my 10-year-old, I had a raging 104* fever. It was 2001 (first Thanksgiving post-9/11), and we spent over three hours "driving" about 45 miles in the pounding rain. We finally got off the freeway 125 miles north of our destination and found a motel, where I shivered and shook all night, while trying to keep my sensory-overloaded 4-year old and very busy toddler calm and quiet. Then we got up bright and early to make the rest of the drive in time for my husband to make his tee-time with his dad... Who was smart enough not to want to play golf in gale-force wind and rain. (Husband has since apologized for that one  )

 

The there was the next year, when we we just about to leave for the in-laws' and toddler was sick while I was I the phone with MIL.  Within an hour, everyone but the baby was miserably ill - food poisoning from the kindergartner's Family Thanksgiving Feast at school.  I was less sick than husband, so I packed up baby and drove around the city around midnight searching for an open store and some Cream of Rice, saltines, popsicles, and chicken broth.  Finally found one, and shivered over the cart as I pushed it around the warehouse store picking up a few things, covered in a cold sweat. Oy.  Tank The Lord, baby never got sick. Made nursing through food poisoning totally worth it.

 

So it could be much worse.  That's it, it could be worse!  Just praying now that somehow, the rest of the family escapes this one. I feel rotten!

[[In...]]

Yes, All,

 

Hope Thanksgiving goes well. I often have ambivalent feelings about holidays; too much work and cooking, but I know that most folks just love them.

 

This year I am glad I didnt have to do so much cooking. Still did have to cook an additional turkey which I put in the oven early this morning @7:00. I am a vegetarian myself and have been for about 15 years, but many other foods are in preparation by my daughter, so this has never been an issue on any holiday.

 

Well, this year, I do feel differently about this holiday. I've had a lot of cog fog to handle this week, so I've kept close to home, but today, I venture out once again.

 

Have a great day everyone.

 

Intend