The Klonopin Klub

[[je...]]

..I don't seem to stabalize after a cut as quickly as I used to.. it was about 2 or 3 weeks before at

5% or 10% cut (at first the "cut" was with calculated time between doses.. the doses were the

same but I was adding time between which made my total daily doses about 10% less each

time). 

 

Last three cuts were real cuts.. at 6 hours between doses for a total of 4 doses per day.  Just cut

from .338mg 4 times per day to .308mg 4 times per day.  Total was 1.35mg per day and is now

1.25mg per day.  Today is the 2nd day at the new dose and is going well so far.  I was feeling

almost normal a few days ago.. about 4 weeks after my last cut from .375mg to .338, thus the

cut to .308mg now.

 

The road is longer looking now than before.  My hopes of being off in less than a year from the

first time taking it are dashed.. as I know that I will just have to go much slower and cut over

longer lengths of time. 

 

I wish do God I had a friend to talk about about this stuff.  I so wish my wife understood and was

"with me" on this.. but alas no.  She sees it as "silly" and that I should "just stop taking the crap."

 

Showing her articles on the internet and posts in other forums about it does not faze her at all..

so.. I'm on my own except for my doc who is a gem and understands 100% and was the one to

tell me right when I first stated that I wanted off that I should expect a long haul and that my brain

would fight it and want it but that after a while I  would find out that my brain could heal and actually

grow the GABA back itself and I'd be "there" after it's all over. 

 

Anyway.. sorry for the rant... love you all.  !!  You are part of my life line!  I mean that in a way that is

positive, not in a way that says I'd die without you.. it's more like a life line of humanity at the most

basic level.

 

- Jerry

[[Co...]]

Hey,

 

If you need someone to talk with you can talk to me. If you read my history you will see that I am having a really hard time getting off meds also. I want off all meds so badly that I keep trying too hard. I am pretty sick right now. I am really sorry to hear that you are not getting much support at home. I am and it is still so hard. I think that is the reason for support groups. No one can understand this unless you have lived it. I have a lot of understanding but I still see the impatience w having to live through this w me. I think my BF is trying really hard but I am also down playing how out of my head I feel. He knows I am sick but this has been ongoing for 8 months and I know I have a long journey still. Hang in there. If it was not for others telling me that they have gotten through this I would feel much worse.

[[br...]]

Hey all:

 

It's day five at my new daily dose of .75 mg K (cut from 1 mg K daily).  I feel ok.  I've been sleeping a lot.  Trying to take it easy.  I went to the beach yesterday for the day.  It was really nice actually.  Today acupuncture.  Lots of Netflix.  I don't know what to expect from this cut as I remember in the past cuts; there is usually the initial wave of symptoms; then a second wave of symptoms two or three weeks later.  But as everyone has warned me; I am a lower doses now and my symptoms may be very different from before.  Who knows?  I feel ok today though.  I'm gonna do this one day at a time

 

Hope all are well.

 

Brian

[[La...]]

Hello K Klubbers,

 

So I still have yet to start my taper. I saw my benzo wise doc yesterday, & I presented liquid titration to him, but he wouldn't go for it. He instead would like to have a compounding pharmacy make up a solution for me & do it that way, because he says it's much more accurate. He believes I can taper !.25 this way in 6 months. I want to make sure I can hold as needed & listen to my body, so I will not suffer extreme wd sxs.  He needs to know how long I want the taper to last in order to formulate the prescription.

So any opinions thoughts on this?

Would appreciate them.

 

Thank you,

Laelani

[[re...]]

BrianRecovering, it's so cool to be hearing from you again--and you sound as if you are doing SO WELL.  Really impressive!

 

Hi, everyone.  I hope you're all having windows.

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[...]]

has anyone had trouble w/ their eyes?  Burning and itching for over 2 wks now... went to doc who gave me some antibiotic drops.It..s been 6 day  Hasn't phased it.  She said she didn't see signs of infection, only irritation... probably from compulsive over rubbing to deal w/ that sand paper feeling... I'm beginning to think its the optic nerve ...I've been soothing them w/ tea and cucumber compresses... any suggestions ... my eye ball hurts too  Another day closer to benzo freedom Njoy

[[ja...]]

Ugh...I have something to say today. It's been a loooooong time since I felt this way, so I wanted to share. It's not Klonopin but it feels so similar that I'm loopy and anxious and crashing and my body and mind are so confused.

 

I know that Trazodone is not a benzo and doesn't totally belong on this forum, but because it feels so similar I need to get it out. I stopped Klonopin - the worst drug - 14 1/2 months ago, but I haven't been drug-free. No benzos, but other stuff for bipolar disorder, depression, etc (you guys know me, it works!) I've been on Traz about 5 years and last night, for the first time, I ran out. I'm on a really high dose (200 mg at night) but I was thinking it would be ok. I realized that sleep would be different so I considered Ambien (I have some here, hate taking it), ZZZquil and Benedryl. Decided to hang tough and take nothing. I fell asleep ok.

 

Two hours later, after midnight, my body woke me up with what felt like strange internal twitches. My legs felt like they were flying all over the place. I got up, researched Traz withdrawal sxs and didn't really see anything about restless leg syndrome. I had two glasses of milk, considered all the aforementioned drugs, ended up taking a muscle relaxer and finally konked out after deep breathing, which always seems to work.

 

So I am royally beat today, and truly angry at the situation that once again I feel addicted to something. Traz is supposed to be habit-forming, not addicting, but who knows. My head feels overenergized and my body feels slothlike. I'm nauseous and have no attention span. I'm once again needing to run to the drugstore to get meds I'm dependent on. I don't want to go through all of this again!!!

 

I had one beer last night with my husband's friends. I'm wondering if it's a contributing factor.

 

I am so energized by you guys, though! It's been a while since I've needed support but I know I can get it here. I read your posts and I am inspired.

 

Meanwhile, I'm drinking rooibos tea (decaf) and just chilling. No motivation today, which sucks. 

 

Help?...

[[Te...]]

what's up guys I'm done tapering

 

http://cdn.memegenerator.co/instances/600x/40383249.jpg

[[Te...]]

Jump Terra, then stay here and tell us how great you are feeling!

 

I feel like a million bucks. 

[Guest [lo...]]

congratulations Terraform!!! Way to go :thumbsup:

[[br...]]

Hello all K-Klub:

 

Wishing everyone hope today.

 

peace2:

 

First of all congrats on being so close to finished!! Any thoughts on an end date?  Thanks so much for responding to my post about trying to explain this w/d process to people in my daily life who care about me.  I am lucky that people in my life are compassionate; but, it takes a lot of explaining and sometimes I just have to let go that I can't really expect them to fully understand.

 

Also I totally feel the confusion between what is the return of original symptoms  of depression and anxiety versus what is benzo w/d.  I was prescribed Klonopin for anxiety and panic attacks.  I know that my dose ended up way to high over time (4mg daily!).  I'm at .75mg daily now.  As I get closer to coming off, I get scared that I will be right back where I was 6 years ago before these little pills became my magic cure-all; always in my pocket with my keys and cell phone.  Will I experience heightened anxiety and chronic panic attacks again?  I would like to think that I have learned some tools over the past 5 years to help me cope.  I have a good therapist, I do acupuncture now to treat anxiety and I take a lot of the suggestions I learned here on dealing with withdraw symptoms.  I think all the stuff we learn on coping with withdraw symptoms can carry over in helping to treat anxiety and depression. 

 

Keep me posted as you continue your process and please tell about the other side once you get there.  I want to know what anxiety and depression can look like post-benzos.

 

Njoy:

 

Congrats on your progress.  Thanks for responding to my post about the ups and downs of the w/d process and trying to keep perspective.  Also thanks for reminding me I don't really get a free pass to do whatever I want to people while in w/d.  I had to apologize to my roommate yesterday after yelling at him in the supermarket.  I don't  yell at people and not usually in supermarkets either.  It just comes out sometimes in acute w/d before I'm even aware that I'm overreacting to something.  It's also something I need to be particularly careful with at work.

 

It looks like we are sort of around the same dose right now.  I'm taking .75mg K daily (.25mg three times a day).  It looks like you are taking around .5mg K daily (.18 mg three times a day) - if I read your taper correctly.  It's also nice to hear from someone who has been taking this stuff for some time before beginning to taper.  I took K for 5 years before I began tapering a year ago from 4mg daily.

 

I love the quote under your name.  "Faith feels the dawn, sings while it is yet dark"  I googled it and learned some interesting stuff.  That quote really resonates with me right now.

 

Rek:

 

Thanks so much for your support.  It is great to have an "old timer" on here who has been here since I started tapering.  As someone who is on the other side of the benzos for a while, tell me what it's like.  I think you tapered faster than most people on here.  How long did your w/d symptoms last post taper?  What's it like now?

 

Jax:

 

Thanks to you too for your great posts and support.  You are another "old timer" who has been here for me from the beginning.

 

Sorry to hear you are having troubles.  Knowing nothing about trazodone, except that it is a sleep aid; I would venture to guess that your body was a little thrown off when your nightly dose vanished and you will feel better tomorrow once you get sleep with the trazodone.  I'm sure people familiar with trazodone can give you better advice based on their actual personal experiences.

 

I can certainly relate to feeling withdraw symptoms as well as frustration and confusion over various prescriptions, including benzos, antidepressants, beta-blockers, and hydroxyzine (all of which I am currently prescribed).  As far as benzos go; I think we all know how that story goes.  I go back and forth in my mind about being on an anti-depressant.  Various times in the past; I've ran low on a/ds and I experienced some pretty acute symptoms.  It's scary to think I "need" this stuff to function.  But for now; it's something I'm going to stick with.  The beta-blockers and the hydroxyzine were prescribed to me in the last year to address some w/d symptoms from benzos - I use them both sparingly.  I take beta-blockers occasionally if I am doing something stressful, especially when I am feeling acute w/d - it helps.  I take the hydroxyzine sometimes at night for high anxiety or to sleep- it works.  The hydroxyzine can sometimes leave me feeling a little out of it the next day.

 

I've had a lot of shame around meds at various points - feeling like I am a closet pill-head.  I sometimes hate the trips to the pharmacy and the counting of pills to make sure that I don't run out before the next refill.  For me, I've come to accept that there is a time and a place for meds.  I like to think of meds as a last line of defense; when talk therapy, life changes and other holistic measures fail.  I'm in the process of coming off Klonopin.  I think Klonopin is doing more harm than good.  I think a/ds are more benign; but I would like to try to wean off a/ds one day.  I may find that I can do well without a/ds; I may find myself back on them.  I'd like to think that the beta-blockers and the hydroxyzine will be temporary to help with w/d.  But I've heard beta blockers can really hep with panic attacks.  In other words, I don't want to take away any options that can help me live a better life.

 

I did not mean to write so much.

 

XOXO

 

brian

[[am...]]

Congratulations Terraform !!  That is awesome that you are done tapering and feeling great. I am starting to feel better too !! 

[[De...]]

Congrats Terraform!

 

:smitten:

[[Ma...]]

Does anyone feel like getting away from home would help them in the process. For example we have a beach house in another state. Do you think that it may help for me to stay there until I'm clean

[[...]]

magnolia:  I think getting away helped me w/ the agoraphobia... things seemed to progress better after i took a trip last Spring, but i wouldn't plan on staying anywhere till it was over except home.  Brian, I'm not at .5. I'm at .05.  i take .018,  3x/dy.  I'll jump  at .002.  S.till aways to go but i'm getting there  .Congrats Terra! 

[[br...]]

I have been prescribed to klonopin (1.5mg a day, and 10 days out of the month could take 2mg a day) for 2 1/2 straight. But have taken it off and on for 10 years, along with xanax, ativan and valium. (sometimes as needed, and sometimes to get high ) I started my taper November '12, but not taking the extra .5 anymore.. Then, in January '13.... My doctor told me to go down a half of a pill every two weeks. I don't know why, but I listened. Probably the WORSE thing I could of done. I was angry, sad, tired, sick, small hallucinations, irritated, somewhat anxious, felt like I was out of my body, couldn't sleep, etc. So I took it upon myself to go down a quarter of a .5 every two weeks.. That seemed like too much. So I presently am going down a quarter of a .5 once a month or so. I am currently taking 3/4 of a .5mg (sorry, I have no idea what that is in MGs). Since I have started going down a quarter a month, its weird.. I will feel like a million bucks the first 4-7 days. I feel so happy, confident, energetic, and right on the ball with everything. Then, it hits me. HARD. Boom, I am waking up sick, tired all the time.. when I get angry, I am absolutely FURIOUS. When I am sad, it's EXTREME. So I realize, every emotion is to the extreme.. Well I went down a quarter probably 2-3 weeks ago, I think( OH THATS ANOTHER THING, I can't remember anything, hardly ever.) I have not had the extreme happiness.

 

In fact, its hard to feel happy. Confident. Accomplished. Good. Okay. Rested. Anything. I feel nothing, unless its negative. And even then its like not to any extreme.

 

I have felt like I watch everyone else live their life, while I'm just sitting here, on pause, wishing this would all just end and for me to be normal again(not even sure when I ever felt normal...). My support system sucks. My fiance is the only person who kind of understands because he was an opiate addict. Totally different drug, but he understands withdrawals and has been pretty helpful.

 

My point is.. Today. I am depressed. Don't like myself. Don't like being in my own skin. Want to rip all my hair out. Or maybe punch something. I know I am not the only one that feels like this. But right now, I feel like I am alone in this. It's a dark hell. And I hate every second of it. I get tired of hearing "I'm so proud of you, you're doing great" or "I hate that you have to go through this".. I have a hard time believing the people saying that to me.. Because they don't seem to care about what I am going through, and they are two ladies that I am close to, or at least, I once was..

 

Maybe I just need to vent.. Maybe that's why I wrote this.. I could seriously go on and on about how miserable I feel. I actually feel weird that people might read this, which makes me hold back everything I would like to say. Ahhh..

[[Ki...]]

You need to hang in there. I just started a taper after being on K for two and a half years. I dropped from 1.5mg to 1.25mg ten days ago. My anxiety has levelled out a bit, but today I experienced what I believe is called "benzo belly." Just brutal. Bloating, stomach pain, chest discomfort, general shit feeling. My point is, the side effects are real. You need to acknowledge your feelings and hunker down through them. They will pass and return and change and pass and so on until they pass for good. I say again, hang in there. Better days ahead.

[[pe...]]

Terraform- Congratulations! I haven't been here long enough to know your story, but hurray! I could not be more happy for you. I hope things are as smooth as can be from here on out. Do let us know how it's going.

 

Bruins3711- I have felt so many of the things you have and are feeling. It is horrendous and scary and lonely. I am so thankful for this place where people do say what's truthfully going on. It has helped me hold it together on more than one occasion to know that you are all out there having this common experience. We are doing this thing together even though we're far apart. Feel how you feel and take care of yourself. My friends and family don't really get it either. But I get it and you get it and so does everyone else here and that is a comfort. I love what you said about watching everyone else live their lives while you're "sitting here, on pause, wishing this would all just end and for me to be normal again." I feel like you were visiting my brain when you wrote that because that's exactly how I feel. I've started taking a lot of pictures, especially of my kids. So that when I feel better I won't feel like I missed as much. Vent away when you need to. Good days are ahead.

 

Magnolia- I spent a week at the beach with my extended family and I didn't want to leave. There were so many relatives to watch my kids and the water and sand were absolutely peace itself, brought me the most peace I've had throughout this journey. I say head to the beach and stay as long as you can or as long as it feels good to you. I hope those two can be the same.

 

Brian- I've still got a ways to go. I'm going pretty slowly since I've got big demands on me at home and work. I'm trying to keep my symptoms as low as possible, but even so, most days have a fair bit of struggle and some are downright ugly. Keeping busy is a help. I'm working with a great doctor. We live in the north and he's wanting me off before winter hits here since it can be a bummer in itself. I'm hoping to go all the way down to .005 before jumping and hope that happens at the end of September or beginning of October. My new doctor is aware of my history of anxiety and depression. I spoke with him yesterday about my symptoms and my fears. He has me on some supplements that could help with both anxiety and depression. What I appreciate most is that he's taking all this very seriously and is closely monitoring my symptoms.

I can email him with questions and he'll get back to me in less than 24 hours.

 

Loquita- How are you doing?

 

Laelani- I had my k made up by a compounding pharmacy. My doctor ordered an amount but not with a fixed end date insight. He knew the timetable needed to be adjustable. He put in an order he thought would get me through a month or two with refills as needed. My doctor told them where I was currently at and that I would be tapering from that amount. They made up a liquid that is 1mg to 10milliliters and I dose in milliliters. I didn't have to do the math, thank goodness! The pharmacy did that for me and gave me a syringe and showed me how to get started. Once I started taking my milliliters through the day, it was easy to know how to taper. In my case, 1 milliliter = .1mg. So, if I want to drop by .1mg I drop by 1milliliter. If I only want to drop by .005 I drop by half a milliliter. It sounds like you've got a good doctor and like you're asking a lot of good questions. The point of this ramble is that not you, or your doctor, or the pharmacist need to know the end date to get you started - and that, I think is a blessing. Because the truth is, none of us know.

 

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke

 

Some days it is easier to love the questions, like when my symptoms are actually manageable. Looking forward to that distant day...

Peace to all.

 

-Peace2

[[br...]]

Peace2-

 

Thank you. You're right. We might be far apart, but we are all going through the same type of things. I sometimes forget that I am tapering, and wonder what is wrong with myself. When I first read some stuff others had posted (on this site, and others) about what it feels like to go off a benzo, I felt a little better knowing that I'm not going crazy, it truly is the withdrawals.. I wish you best of luck on your journey.

[[...]]

I was just looking at my sig. line and i thought I should clarify that I am no longer cutting by the amount of K.  icouldn't keep it straight when I changed pill size so I weigh the amount of pill and that's why it looks to be .18 when in fact it is .018.  i take a .5 pill, cut it into six pieces and cut them down to size.  I' ve been told I'm going too low but I've had bad reactions when I tried to come off too fast in the past so I'm not taking any chances this time... I can't do this again!  We all have different tolerances... much of what some of you are experiencing is what I experienced on previous tapers... trying to cut too much... other than the initial 10-14 day, I did not find the amount of time I stayed at any one dose to be a factor in how I felt except that it built tolerance sx up again... Small regular cuts every 10 to 14 days has been doable.  Peace2;  great quote!  And, great that you have a compounding pharmacy and a doc who will prescribe liquid.   Bruins:  yes, everything you mention is pretty standard fare for this experience.  Just hang in there... don't put your life on hold, just downsize a little... be yourself... remember, to heal, you need to believe you are worth taking the time and patience to heal and that often means rest, rest and more rest... the brain needs rest to heal... it also needs a little fat, some exercise, food and a very gentle pushing yourself out of what become very comfortable comfort zones... (ie...your bed, house... path to work and back)... wherever you are in your jouney... you can only go forward... you can't pause... it just seems like you are but you are healing every day and yes, it takes a very long time... but unlike so many terminal illnesses, there is light at the end of this tunnel... I have entire weeks when I need to tell myself this on a daily basis.    Njoy

[[ja...]]

YAY TERRA!!! And I knew you when!!

 

psst: Rek's year anniversary is tomorrow! Njoy, bake her a cake!!

 

Brian - I really appreciate you mentioning me and helping me out yesterday. I really think you're awesome and can't believe it's been almost a year already since we "met". 4mg to .75 in a year. Remarkable. I know I will see you go all the way and get through. Your way of analyzing your sxs and progress has always been thoughtful and great. Keep it up, my friend. 

 

Welcome newbies. I've been here a loooong time, almost joined the Klub when it began (page 35 I think, lol). I'm a cold-turkeyer so I'm not much help with tapering, but I had all the same sxs so I can speak of that. The KK is warm and kind. Don't be afraid to say anything - you should have seen what's come up in the past! We ALL struggle and look for support - that's why we're here 

 

I have a new respect for you guys with withdrawal - God, do I! Yesterday turned out to be the most horrible day. By the time evening came around, I was curled up in a ball and crying. My skin was crawling, my legs were twitching, I literally couldn't move. Somehow I got up the strength to go to the pharmacy and get the meds, and an hour after I took them, I felt normal again. Also like crap, because I realized that I'm addicted to something else. My doctor and I have spoken about tapering Trazodone, but I feel like he knows nothing. So I don't know. But good lord, it sucked.

 

Anyway, hugs to all. I missed a day yesterday and have to do a bunch of stuff. Tally ho, my friends!

[[La...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Congratulations Terraform on kicking the klonopin beast! Can't wait to be where you're at.

It so good to know it's all survivable! Especially since I'll be starting my taper in just a day or two.

I'm hoping that more newbies will join in for support during my taper...& the old timers as well. I need your wisdom. Support is so important....especially from others going through the same situation.

So even though you're all off living your lives benzo free, feel free to stop on by to see how the rest of us are doing here. And all of you newbies & or current taperers, I look forward to coming here to talk with you & share our battles & triumphs. By the way, I'm on an all liquid compounded formula all the way through my taper....so it should be interesting. Hope it works well for me.

We're all in this together....so good luck to all....I'm here for you! And wish me luck too...I need it!

 

Hugs,

Laelani

[[br...]]

Hello all:

 

Today is day 7 of my latest taper from 1mg K to .75mg K.  I can definitely feel the difference but the symptoms seems manageable. 

 

I'd like to clarify, especially to any new people, that I am NOT tapering according to the Ashton method nor using any particular % vs time ratio, nor am I doing liquid titration.  I'm working with a psychiatrist and we meet every three months and always move my dose downward.  It seems to have worked for me so far.  If my symptoms become unmanageable; then I'd have to come up with a new strategy with my psychiatrist or find a new psychiatrist that would be willing to try a different method.  I'd like to make clear that my signature line and taper so far is not meant to be suggestive of what will work for you.  As I mentioned before; however, it has worked for me so far.

 

Wishing everyone a little peace in their day.

 

brian

[[ad...]]

I see you do a larger cut than me, but less often.  How long does it take for you symptoms to stabilize?

 

Hello all:

 

Today is day 7 of my latest taper from 1mg K to .75mg K.  I can definitely feel the difference but the symptoms seems manageable. 

 

I'd like to clarify, especially to any new people, that I am NOT tapering according to the Ashton method nor using any particular % vs time ratio, nor am I doing liquid titration.  I'm working with a psychiatrist and we meet every three months and always move my dose downward.  It seems to have worked for me so far.  If my symptoms become unmanageable; then I'd have to come up with a new strategy with my psychiatrist or find a new psychiatrist that would be willing to try a different method.  I'd like to make clear that my signature line and taper so far is not meant to be suggestive of what will work for you.  As I mentioned before; however, it has worked for me so far.

 

Wishing everyone a little peace in their day.

 

brian

[[ca...]]

started this week the crossover to valium from K

its not easy

wondered if any of you have advice- if it is worse it

or should I tapper directly

just your own experience would be really helpful

Thanks!