The Klonopin Klub

[[De...]]

Hello Klubbers,

 

I was doing really well last week - I seemed to have turned a corner with my general health issues, namely hormone imbalance.  I don't know where I am with withdrawal because of the other health issues.  But I drank too much on Saturday night.  I wasn't blacked out drunk, and I didn't even think I'd drank enough to be hungover.  Sunday I was incredibly sick and I haven't felt well all week.  My eyes are yellowing, I feel nauseous and dizzy and extremely fatigued.  I started a detox regimen yesterday, which seemed to help, although I'm back to not feeling well today.  I got drunk a week after I jumped - it was not a good decision, but I wasn't half as sick then as I am now.  I've dealt with liver failure in the past, and suspect I pushed myself over the edge again.  Has anyone else had issues with hepatic or gallbladder dysfunction in withdrawal?  I'm wondering when I need to go see a doctor.

 

Thanks,

~D

[[Co...]]

Feeling happy for those of you with success stories. I am having a really hard time. Very sick. No memory. Tinnitus so bad I can't hear. Am off k-pin now for 6 weeks. Using valium to taper. On 1mg in am and pm and 2/3 mg.in pm evry other day. I know it is the k-pin talking. I am working and having a really hard time. I am ok for 2 or 3 days and then so sick I can barely talk. The smell on my skin is so vile. I slept last night but feel so jacked up tonight I know I will not sleep. I feel  like giving up. I am 8 months into this now and know if I fail I will have to do it again later. I can't do this again. My support system is slender. My BF says he understands but how can he? I just want to go to bed and stay there. I want this to be over. I am told it will be but I don't feel like it will. This sucks.

[[pe...]]

Colorado Chick - I was just logging in to say the same kind of thing. I feel sick and crazy and I'm tired of feeling sick and crazy. I have moments that are in the range of fine and then moments later I feel sick and crazy. I'm afraid my storm is about to get worse and not better and maybe that's a sign not to cut anymore for awhile. It's awful to know what's making you sick and that you can't do any kind of quick fix to feel better. I'm sorry for not having the light right now. Maybe someone else can show us the bright spot.

 

Also, could someone look at my taper history in my signature and tell me if I'm going too fast? Thanks.

[[pa...]]

just now, getting really scared, nervous, and frustrated. it's not fear of death. it's fear of not recovering, living like this for a long time, coping all those mental/physical symptoms everyday, and not able to think or function.

what have i become?

[[Te...]]

Wow thank you so much for the kind words everyone! 

 

I tapered so slow so this jump was completely psychological for me...I pretty much felt back to normal after I got below .125mg but I took it slow anyways.

 

Still feeling great. I don't want to get ahead of myself but I think i'm pretty much back to normal...I believe I may have been one of the "lucky" people that doesn't have much issue getting off benzos...I still did it slow but I'm glad I did because it's been relatively painless.

 

I have a real reason to believe (don't ask why) that my doctor prescribed placebo clonazepam.... Do doctors do this? That would be awesome if they did cuz that would mean i've been off these for months 

 

I hate to see so many people struggling here...I'm just sticking around to show people that a slow taper and a positive attitude can work. I've been through hell the past year or so but most of it was deep rooted psychological distress completely unrelated to the benzos....I tried to fix these problems with benzos and they basically made me feel like a zombie lol

 

Rant over...hope everyone is doing well.

 

 

 

[[...]]

terra:  such good news that you are feeling well... very encouraging.    Peace:  your taper looks good to me... you'll know if you need to twick it at all.    I'm still having trouble w/ my eyes... decided that maybe its an overreaction to pollen that my super sensitive CNS is overreacting to.... whether benzo related or not, the w/d just makes it that much harder to deal w/... so be it.    Was in bed most of yesterday... guess I should getup and try to get back at it. Winter will be coming on and I need to start getting wood in.  One more day...closer to benzo freedom.  Pac. Ocean:  We all get that feeling of being sick and tired of being sick and tired... it's been my experience that it takes a long time...  i no longer beat myself up w/ the notion that I will completely heal because then when I feel I'm not getting anywhere but more anxious and weird... I rest and think about how just being benzo free and not shaking uncontrollably was my initial goal... anything is better than how i felt before I started to taper or the long months in bed last winter... not able to get up, get out of the house or even take care of basic personal care... I'm so much better and I give myself  just for making it this far.  I think we are all incredibly brave!   Njoy

[[...]]

I think we have a celebration today.  Cake for Rek:  I think a carrot cake w/ cream cheese frosting and butter cream carrots w/ "Yippee"  ontop. This carrot cake has some pineapple in it... not so much you can taste but does a nice job of bringing the sweetness out in the carrots.  Rek you are our rock!  Hope today is a good one for you. :clap: :smitten:   Njoy

[[ho...]]

Hi Klub,

 

I was out of town for 6 days, we call it Girls Week-end, at the family lake home. It was distracting in a very positive way, lots of laughs and love. My last night there I got really sick. There is a flu going around, 2 friends and 1 family member have gotten it. I think I have it too and it has also reved up my normal w/d sx. It's so dang hard to tell! But in either case it will get better. I'm almost 6 weeks out from jumping and experiencing diarrhea, dizziness, head and body aches and hot and cold flashes. Yea, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired too.

 

It's frustrating also because my brother was taken to the hosp. yesterday. They thought at first blood clot in lung. Now they are looking at his heart. He's only 56. I want to go see him but am afraid to bring flu germs with me and I'm not confident that it's only benzo BS.

 

Congrats to the jumpers!!!  I have people in my life who thought (think) that since my taper is over I should be sx free. I guess unless they take the time to research, they won't get it. I'm ok with that. People are busy and I'm not sure how much I would have looked into this if it wouldn't have happened to me. Truly, it is here that I feel understood. I gave up looking for it outside of this forum. I don't say this with bitterness, it's just how it is and I accept that. I just DO WHAT I GOTTA DO.

 

So... on the Bright Side:

1. I am no longer taking Klonopin

2. I am NOT (in bed) sick like I was in Jan. & Feb.

3. I can get out of my house and enjoy life even though I'm not feeling 100%

4. I'm able to keep up my house and other things that need to get done

5. I have people who love me

6. I AM HEALING  sooooo

7. My future looks very bright

 

For those who are suffering, I truly wish I could take it away. I hope it helps you to know you are not alone and are understood here. I hope you hang on to the hope of recovery, complete healing. I wish for you the strength and determination to keep moving forward. The road is long, with many a winding turn... but it leads to freedom.

 

Blessings and Peace,

hopeful2013

 

 

 

[[re...]]

Hey, folks -

 

I've been away three days, and it seems as though THOUSANDS of posts showed up in the interval.  Meanwhile, I had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN that today was my one-year-off anniversary until a couple of people reminded me (thanks, Jax!    It was you and Lizie  who initially reminded me; our "Chickie" sent congratulations by PM).  I can't believe I completely forgot . . . or maybe I can, because lately we've been on the periphery of medical issues various friends are dealing with--really serious medical issues that make anything I've ever been through look like a walk in the park, you know what I'm saying?  Anyway.  So, one year.  Gratitude is the best word I have to describe how I feel about that.  Gratitude and wellness: I feel very well, and I hope with all my heart that everyone here will feel just as well sooner rather than later.  Some have already begun to, others are making progress, or they will make progress, with self-nurturing and the passage of time.  Nurture yourselves, my friends--be kind to yourselves, YOU DESERVE IT and you deserve to feel WELL.

 

THANK YOU FOR THE CAKE, NJoy!  I ADORE carrot cake--how did you know??  And carrot cake with PINEAPPLE, so much the better.  Yummmmmm . . .  And yes, today is a good day.  Nothing ecstatic, just serene--and you know, I'll take serenity any day of the week: take it and run!  I do sort of feel as though I should take myself out stand-up paddle-boarding or something, to celebrate, but too much else is going on, and anyway it's looking like rain (again!).  Maybe I'll give myself a literal rain-check on that idea!  Meanwhile, I'll enjoy the mouthwatering cake!   

 

Jax, I was so sorry to find that a couple of days ago you were blindsided by a bad patch, possibly the Trazodone effect.  Are you feeling back on an even keel now?  I have no idea about Trazodone, having no personal experience with it and having only read bits about it here and there.  Do you think it was indeed the Trazodone that did it, or have you had other thoughts since that night?  My guess is that, whatever it was, the beer may have played into it.  And of course, any number of things can get in on the act--if you're already feeling anxious about something (e.g. nervous about upcoming teaching job, or whatever), I suspect that will heighten the effect of any sort of external chemical whammy.  At any rate, how are you feeling now?  I hope that was a one-off--a glitch that won't recur.  I can see why it might suck to think about tapering when you've been benzo-free close to fifteen months, but if you do identify an ongoing problem with some sort of Trazodone-deprivation syndrome, then maybe it would be worth considering doing a taper off of that.  Sigh--I hate even to suggest it, and I hope it won't be necessary.  I hope you're feeling back on your feet again! 

 

Deinoncote, I hope your episode has passed, too.  Now you know--probably best to hold off on the alcohol for a while.  I had to do that, too: even one glass of wine made me feel as if I'd been jumped in an alley by thugs wielding truncheons.  Now I can get away with a glass from time to time, but I have to be really careful.  I'm sorry you went through that, but hope you are feeling better. 

 

I can't address all the posts that came in during my absence, but I do want to say congratulations to Terra--it's great that you're off the stuff, and I hope everything will be smooth sailing from here on out.

 

Those of you thinking a change of scene might help--I say yes to that.  When I'd been off about ten days, my husband and I took a modest trip into the mountains and spent a couple of nights at a pet-friendly B&B.  We took hikes in the woods with our dog (our son was off on a canoe/camping trip for five days, so we didn't have to worry about him), I got to swim in fresh water, and I ate more or less normally for the first time in months.  And truly there was something about being in a different setting, a pleasant one, that made me feel as though my healing got a boost.  So I recommend trying this, if you can find a way.

 

Well--I will close by saying I observe this anniversary by saying, in a version of an expression common in the language I teach, "May you be likewise blessed."  I hope everyone has a windowful day -

 

Peace,

 

Rek

 

 

[[re...]]

Hopeful, I hope you feel better soon, and that your brother will be OK.  Fingers crossed.

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[ad...]]

I need some advice from the people who have jumped already:

 

Did you life circumstances begin to change once you started to get off of the K?  For instance, I am not as passive as i used to be, and I am asserting my opinions in places where I did not before.  This had lead to more conflict than I am used to which causes anxiety. 

 

I read from some other posters that whatever the results of your cessation of K, it is far better off then being on the drug.  Perhaps I have been propping some things up in my life that needed some confrontation, but I don't know.  I feel like I am climbing a mountain, and people are looking at me like I am some sort of asshole. 

[[br...]]

Hey all:

 

Day 8 since last taper.  So far, so good.

 

Rek:

 

Happy 1 year benzo free!!  I love your thoughtful and supportive posts on BB. 

 

Jax:

 

Thanks for the shout out.  Your support is always great!

 

Adamadaman:

 

So far my symptoms last 2 weeks to a month post taper.  I usually have one wave of symptoms which are acute in the first week.  Then a second wave of symptoms 2 to 3 weeks post taper that are not as intense.  As I mentioned before, I don't really recommend my taper but but it has worked so far for me.

 

I had to stop drinking alcohol not too long ago myself; it happens to be really helpful in benzo w/d as well.

 

 

Hope all are well.

 

Wishing peace to all those suffering symptoms right now.

 

brian

[[ho...]]

adamadaman,

 

I think I know what you are talking about. I do not recall being more passive the short time I was on K but during my taper while sick I pretty much just went with whatever flow my husband wanted. I just didn't want to waste the energy to disagree or argue. I think he really got used to that in a fairly short period of time because now it seems we argue quite alot.

 

I question these times in my mind afterward because there have been times when I have just snapped off at him. W/d makes emotions run high. and also I feel crappy and it's easy to snap off. Other times I really do think he gets angry because I now do voice my opinion and am not just letting everything wash over me because I'm trying to keep my stress down. I guess we have to find a new balance in our relationship. And I have to keep in mind that I am still trying to find a normal constant in my physical and emotional being.

 

I'm sure there are times when he thinks I'm an ahole, and I'm sure there are times when I am, however not in every case. I think people get used to dancing with us in a certain way, and then when we change the way we dance they get tripped up, confused and wonder why we have changed. They want the dance to remain the same because it is comfortable, what they know.

 

People may not be used to you voicing your opinions and are confused but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't do it.

They will need to adjust to the new you and as long as you give your view, with love and respect, you are not crossing a line that you shouldn't.  IMO

 

Wishing you well,

hopeful2013

[[De...]]

Adamadaman - the irritability - yes, it's definitely got a foothold in my personality.  Some days are worse than others, but I have a very hard time letting things go.  Even small things.  It makes me much more confrontational and I do find myself behaving in ways that are not consistent with my personality.  It's getting better, though. 

 

Rek - thanks for responding to me.  I searched and searched for what could have made me so sick (besides drinking 6 or 7 beers).    Finally last night I found a site that indicated valerian root is linked to liver damage.  I've been taking a melatonin supplement with valerian in it for about 6 months now.  So I stopped that last night and I'm also doing a detox and taking something to support my adrenal glands.  I don't know if that's it - it could just be a wave, but I don't really think so.  That wouldn't explain why my eyes are yellowing.  My hormone nurse has been trying to get me to take something for my adrenals for a while now, but I've been resistant because the herbal support is not a good long-term solution.  I wanted to heal without it.  Anyway, I'm feeling better today.  I'm doing something right, so I'll just stay the course. 

 

And congrats on one year off!!!!    Do you think you're just about 100% now?

[[re...]]

Evening, folks -

 

Thank you for the congratulatory wishes!

 

Jax, I want to add to my earlier remarks--since you have little confidence in your doctor having a clue about withdrawal, is there someone else you can consult?  A little guidance would be nice, you know?  I don't see why you should be left stranded out there on your own with this!! 

 

Dienoncote, it occurs to me . . . The yellowing eyes . . . I think perhaps you ought to get checked out just to make sure you don't have hepatitis.  Just to be sure, you know?  I hope it's not that, but if it were it would be better to know about it.

 

I hope the evening treats everyone kindly -

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[...]]

I'm w/ Rek in believing that any yellowing of the eyes deserves a visit to the doc.  Jaxy.... when I first started this taper, the doc I found to work w/ me suggested... actually really tried hard to convince me, that trazadone would be good while I was tapering the k and then we would taper that after... she thought it would take about 11 months to just taper the trazadone... i couldn't dealw/ it and so I never filled the script.  She said something about the w/d from the trazadone not being as bad as the w/d from K but it still can't just be c/t w/o effect.  I am surprised it showed up so quickly but anything that effects the CNS is likely to have some profound effects.  Hope you're feeling better.  Happy Saturday everyone.  Njoy

[[br...]]

Hey KK:

 

Just wanted to check in.  It's day 9 since my last taper from 1mg daily to .75mg daily.  I can feel the difference but I feel ok.  The real test is when I return to work on Monday.

 

Hope all have a good Saturday.

 

brian

[[La...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Well today is the day! Day one of my taper! I'm using a compounded liquid formula, & titrating daily.

Starting with my morning dose.....reducing by .007 mg daily & holding when necessary. Hoping & praying this will work well for me. I plan on making it through till the end. I want off this benzo beast!

Looking forward to the end already....I see that light at the end of the tunnel.....just have to keep reaching for it no matter what! I know there'll be twists & turns all along the way, but I must keep the faith and stay the course. I'll be posting on here a lot more frequently....hoping to form friendships & give & receive mutual support. Take care & wishing you all many blessings.

 

Hugs,

Laelani

[[De...]]

Good luck, Laelani.    You'll do fine.

 

Njoy and Rek - I am trying to make a doctor's appt.  I just couldn't get a hold of them last week.  I'm due for a CBC anyway, which would confirm or deny any liver problems.  The yellowing in my eyes isn't progressing and I am gradually beginning to feel better.  There isn't really anything you can do for liver damage other than eat clean and stay away from toxins.  But liver damage is a good excuse for getting out of things you don't wanna do.   

[[ha...]]

I have a question. I was on Klonopin for 7 years. Before that I had been on benzos like Ativan and Valium. I quit those c/t at least 3 maybe 4 times. (Which I think is called kindling)

 

I took myself off of the klonopin. I did it gradually. I don't know why I did it. Now that I look back I can see I was in tolerance for many years with many symptoms.

 

I think towards the end I did it too quickly. I stopped it totally on March 6, 2013. I am having terrible withdrawal. The worst part for me right now is the pain in lower back and pelvic area and legs.(although other symptoms come and go) Dr thinks it is muscular/skeletal. Wants me to take Aleve while I wait for xray results which I just had done.  Aleve does nothing to ease the pain.

 

I think I am in protracted withdrawal. This morning I took 6 mg Valium and felt 75% better. This afternoon I took 6 mg again. I do not have many left. I am going to go to my PCP with documentation to back up what I say and see if she will help me to cross over to Valium and do the slow taper as outlined in the Ashton Manual.

 

Does that sound like a good plan? I thought I was done with Benzos. I bought the book "Worse than Heroin" and I am bringing that to show my Dr. also. Anyone have that book? It mentions Protracted Withdrawal and it says to see Chapter III which after searching for half an hour I don't think that chapter exists. ??

 

Would love some feed back.

[[re...]]

Havinghardtime, I don't think what you're dealing with is, strictly speaking, protracted withdrawal--even in regular withdrawal, symptoms can hang around for quite a while.  Many of the really uncomfortable physical symptoms (various kinds of body pain: joint, muscular, and bone) lasted several months for me after I jumped.  I had been on clonazepam a short time (not even three months), but I did a taper so fast it amounted to cold-turkey, I found out later.  Anyway, I was still plagued with fairly significant body pain seven or eight months after I jumped, although soon after that things began to improve markedly.  I'm saying this by way of cautioning you about what the doctor may say, because doctors often misdiagnose these symptoms, identifying them as other conditions, like fibromyalgia.  If my doctors had had their way, I would (a) still be on clonazepam because they think I'm a nut-job, (b) also be on cyclobenzaprine, because they decided I had fibromyalgia, and © also be taking Celexa, because . . . well, see part (a), the nut-job thing.  I do not have fibromyalgia, nor am I a nut-job.  I was having a lot of horrible emotional and physical symptoms that were DIRECTLY caused by the clonazepam, and instead of taking me off that (which they absolutely refused to acknowledge could be responsible for any of what I was going through), they wanted me to take two ADDITIONAL drugs.  If I had followed their advice I would be totally disabled now and unable to work.  I stopped taking EVERYTHING, including NSAIDs and aspirin, and even most supplements.  Now I'm back on a number of supplements I had suspended, and am doing fine with them, but I still don't take any medications at all.  I am NOT trying to suggest you do the same, because everyone's different and you should figure out your own program.  And you may indeed want to consider the Valium crossover, which seems to have worked well for many people.  It wasn't my method--I had already quit before I found out about various ways of managing the quitting process, and I didn't want to go back, as I'd already made two previous attempts to stop, and wanted the third one to take.  But in your situation--well, I would suggest you get as much feedback as you can, particularly from people who've done the Valium crossover, and then make your decision.  And know that, whatever you decide, you will get TONS of support at this thread.

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[br...]]

HavingAHardTime:

 

I just wanted to clarify something.  According to your taper history; you have been off benzos for 5 months now.  Is that correct?

 

If you have been off for that long; i think it's best to stay the course.  I know w/d and protracted w/d can last for some time; but reinstating at this point may not be helpful to you.

 

I'm still tapering myself so I don't speak from experience; just from what I've heard and read.

 

brian

[[re...]]

Actually, HHT, Brian has a very good point, and I did in fact mean to mention in my post yesterday that, in considering the Valium crossover, you should take into account how long you've been off benzos--reinstating now may indeed be inadvisable after a five-month hiatus.  Other things to try include meditation, which has worked really well for some of us here--I believe it is what enabled my third attempt at quitting to succeed, where the previous two had failed.  It doesn't take away your pain, but it can help you cope.  Taking a class and having the benefit of that group support is the best way to embark on a meditation program, in my view.  Deep breathing is good.  Balanced and pure nutrition is excellent--if you haven't done so already, try to eliminate ALL processed foods, I would definitely eliminate alcohol at least for now, and consider quitting caffeine if you drink any caffeinated beverages.  Your body and brain need and deserve every possible advantage you can provide to boost the healing process.  Exercise if you can--I know that can be a tough one, especially if you're not sleeping well and you're exhausted as a result.  But as soon as I started feeling a big stronger again, I found that exercise (vigorous walking, in my case) really helped me feel healthier and more optimistic.

 

AND . . . check in as often as you need to here, because people will support you, and you'll feel less alone.

 

Good morning to everyone -

 

Peace,

 

Rek

[[ha...]]

I'm typing on my phone so please excuse any errors.

 

I appreciate all of your feedback. Very much so.

 

Giving it much thought after reading your posts I don't want to reinstate. I am concerned because yesterday I took 6 mg Valium 3x and I felt  soooo much better. My pain was practically zero. But I know Valium makes me depressed.

 

My question: after taking that Valium yesterday did I just set myself up for more and worsening withdrawal? Very concerning.  I am so tired of feeling sick ( like everyone else here). I have been feeling lousy for about three years because ot tolerance which I never knew was causing my symptoms. I just want it to end. It doesn't just affect me but my family as well.

[[br...]]

good afternoon:

 

Day 10 here of my last taper to .75mg.  No obvious symptoms the past couple days.  I go back to work tomorrow.  Maybe this is it for this cut.  Dunno.

 

Hope everyone is well.

 

brian

 

 

ps

 

 

havinghardtime:  hey.  I don't think one day of taking benzos will "restart" the w/d process from day one.  Some people talk about protracted w/d as lasting several months to several years.  Everyone seems to be different.  It's something I'm concerned about myself, as my taper looks pretty similar to yours so far.  A friend of mine, in "real" life, said that his protracted w/d lasted one year.  Everyone does things different; but most people I know, who have been able to get off benzos, typically discard any left over benzo doses and decline future scripts for benzos from any docs.  Whatever you decide, however, is best best for you.