50 and over club- withdrawal and recovery issues for the aged :-)

[[Ba...]]

I am 53 and am now 20 months off of Ativan and Ambien.  I still get hit by waves from time to time--especially lately as my work stress is very high. 

 

I'm still in a much better place now so don't give up.  Just keep pushing ahead.  If you fall down, get back up.  Tell that inner voice to shut up already with all the failure talk!

 

You can do it.

Wow, amazing to me you could work! 

[[Ba...]]

I'm 68, soon to be 69.  I'm closing in on 11 months off ativan.  It was rough, especially at 7 months off.  Now I'm much better.  I still have waves of sx but they are mild.  I feel like my old self.  I know there is more healing to be done, but feeling as I do now makes all the difficult times worth it.

 

Don't give up on yourselves just because you're in your sixties.  There is plenty of life left in us.  Carpe Diem and don't look back.

 

Yes, all for seizing the day but lucky if I can get out of bed a lot of days.  Survival mode... and this is years...

[[RS...]]

It was tough working after I first jumped.  I scheduled some vacation time just in case but ended up not using it as the work provided necessary distraction.

 

 

[[Lo...]]

I'm 50 and still working,  But feel stressed everyday.

[[Ha...]]

Hi All, I’m 66 and have taken Lorazepam on and off since I had my first son in 1978!!!!  I am tapering using Ashton and am down to 0.7mg per day…….from 4mg per day a year ago. I have had some great days and some awful days. Just now I have the most dreadful headache but I’m not going to take extra Lorazepam. I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and I’m definitely going to get there………another 8 weeks of with and I’m off😀. I do think it takes longer to recover from ANYTHING when you are older but I decided I wanted to live a little before I die and the only way was to get off the evil drug.  Sleeping has been difficult so I’m taking prescription Melatonin 0.5 - 1.0 mg each night. It works for me.  I have had several attempts to withdraw and have only succeeded by coming to live with my sister for a while so no life stresses……and no work either now! Some benefits from aging 😆😆😘😘

[[Ul...]]

It was tough working after I first jumped.  I scheduled some vacation time just in case but ended up not using it as the work provided necessary distraction.

 

I get it. I'm freakin' 61 and still working! I'll work until the day I die because I was never able to have a legit career due to the 27 yr ride on the k (and other psych cocktails). No 401(k) here. BUT, I'm drug-free . Next!!!

[[Ba...]]

Hi All, I’m 66 and have taken Lorazepam on and off since I had my first son in 1978!!!!  I am tapering using Ashton and am down to 0.7mg per day…….from 4mg per day a year ago. I have had some great days and some awful days. Just now I have the most dreadful headache but I’m not going to take extra Lorazepam. I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and I’m definitely going to get there………another 8 weeks of with and I’m off😀. I do think it takes longer to recover from ANYTHING when you are older but I decided I wanted to live a little before I die and the only way was to get off the evil drug.  Sleeping has been difficult so I’m taking prescription Melatonin 0.5 - 1.0 mg each night. It works for me.  I have had several attempts to withdraw and have only succeeded by coming to live with my sister for a while so no life stresses……and no work either now! Some benefits from aging 😆😆😘😘

 

Wow, great you have a sister to live with.  I don't know how to do this being alone.  I don't know of anyone who has gotten off in that situation.  Good for you!

 

[[no...]]

Hi All, I’m 66 and have taken Lorazepam on and off since I had my first son in 1978!!!!  I am tapering using Ashton and am down to 0.7mg per day…….from 4mg per day a year ago. I have had some great days and some awful days. Just now I have the most dreadful headache but I’m not going to take extra Lorazepam. I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and I’m definitely going to get there………another 8 weeks of with and I’m off😀. I do think it takes longer to recover from ANYTHING when you are older but I decided I wanted to live a little before I die and the only way was to get off the evil drug.  Sleeping has been difficult so I’m taking prescription Melatonin 0.5 - 1.0 mg each night. It works for me.  I have had several attempts to withdraw and have only succeeded by coming to live with my sister for a while so no life stresses……and no work either now! Some benefits from aging 😆😆😘😘

 

Wow, great you have a sister to live with.  I don't know how to do this being alone.  I don't know of anyone who has gotten off in that situation.  Good for you!

I'm also alone with  no help or support and in my 60's Barbara . in wave form hell again too

 

Nova

[[Lo...]]

I'm in the position of being the care taker in my family,  Dependent partner and a child with special needs, so weaning off at this time is not realistic. I'm at peace with that. I'm hoping I could keep my dose low to moderate.

[[Pa...]]

I'm in the position of being the care taker in my family,  Dependent partner and a child with special needs, so weaning off at this time is not realistic. I'm at peace with that. I'm hoping I could keep my dose low to moderate.

 

The choices we make are determined by our circumstances, you need to be at your best and we'll support you in whatever you decide is best for you. 

[[Lo...]]

I'm in the position of being the care taker in my family,  Dependent partner and a child with special needs, so weaning off at this time is not realistic. I'm at peace with that. I'm hoping I could keep my dose low to moderate.

 

The choices we make are determined by our circumstances, you need to be at your best and we'll support you in whatever you decide is best for you. 

I appreciate that, Thank You..!

[[Ha...]]

Hi All. Has anyone noticed that on this site if you spell check Lorazepam…….it gives you Lyricism ! Made me smile!

[[no...]]

 

Hows everyone doing? any good news to share? I'm in a bad wave due to a few factors 1 being loud roadworks right by my window for 2 months  Nova xxx :smitten:

[[On...]]

I am 48, will be 49 in 4 months.

 

Nothing else to add. May You all be blessed.

💙

[[hy...]]

Hello all!!  I am 69 and been on 1 mg Clonazepam for 30 years. Drinking most of that time. Would take  2-6 months off from drinking periodically. Now have not drank for like 1&1/2 months. Now after several failed attempts I am back again. If nothing else but to lower my dose. Have reduced to .75 and have been there for quite awhile. Not sure if I know what normal is anymore but intend to try and find out. So 4 days ago cut from .75 to .625. Had a couple rough days but the last two have been a ‘bit’ better. Can’t exercise much right now as I broke a toe recently. Have always been into exercise, mostly bicycling.  I am glad for this as I know the number these meds do to our synapses. This is really where cognition happens. Don’t know how or why I am still alive through all $h!+ over the years. My sister died at 4 when I was ten & 2 months later my brother was born with same genetic illness that took him at 14. Needless to say not a fair start to life. My family blew up but I was determined to fix things. Yeah right!! Wasted much of my life trying. Bad decision to go to psych doctor at 39. He made me believe there was something wrong with me that clonazepam would help. Never advising me of dependence or withdrawals. When I tried to quit a few times I was clueless and always had to reinstate. So here I am to give it a whirl again. Sorry if the post is long. I plan on a dry cut taper off clonazepam after stabilizing with 10% cuts every couple/few weeks or month. See how my body reacts. Can’t wait to get back to exercise as I am well aware of all the benefits BDNF & telomeres to mention a couple. Anyway if all goes south I can just start drinking and taking more clonazepam. Don’t think I will do that and I am very motivated to see who I am. So best to everyone here in search of sanity.  Thanks for listening!!

[[no...]]

Hello all!!  I am 69 and been on 1 mg Clonazepam for 30 years. Drinking most of that time. Would take  2-6 months off from drinking periodically. Now have not drank for like 1&1/2 months. Now after several failed attempts I am back again. If nothing else but to lower my dose. Have reduced to .75 and have been there for quite awhile. Not sure if I know what normal is anymore but intend to try and find out. So 4 days ago cut from .75 to .625. Had a couple rough days but the last two have been a ‘bit’ better. Can’t exercise much right now as I broke a toe recently. Have always been into exercise, mostly bicycling.  I am glad for this as I know the number these meds do to our synapses. This is really where cognition happens. Don’t know how or why I am still alive through all $h!+ over the years. My sister died at 4 when I was ten & 2 months later my brother was born with same genetic illness that took him at 14. Needless to say not a fair start to life. My family blew up but I was determined to fix things. Yeah right!! Wasted much of my life trying. Bad decision to go to psych doctor at 39. He made me believe there was something wrong with me that clonazepam would help. Never advising me of dependence or withdrawals. When I tried to quit a few times I was clueless and always had to reinstate. So here I am to give it a whirl again. Sorry if the post is long. I plan on a dry cut taper off clonazepam after stabilizing with 10% cuts every couple/few weeks or month. See how my body reacts. Can’t wait to get back to exercise as I am well aware of all the benefits BDNF & telomeres to mention a couple. Anyway if all goes south I can just start drinking and taking more clonazepam. Don’t think I will do that and I am very motivated to see who I am. So best to everyone here in search of sanity.  Thanks for listening!!

Hi and welcome to the gang 

 

                                        Nova 

[[ba...]]

You will succeed! But it will be very difficult for three years. I have almost the same story. I've been sober for 15 years and without benzo for three and a half years. You need a community where you can go regularly during difficult times for support. I understand how difficult it is for you right now. God bless you!

[[Bl...]]

I need to join this group as I’m in cold turkey acute withdrawal day 10.  I got floxed and have been through hell.  I need to function and may have to reinstate to survive and go forward.  My story is in the cold turkey section.  Peace and prayers

[[gr...]]

I cold turkeyed 59 days ago and it has been horrible. Picked up booze again - but felt nothing from it. Seems like my soul is gone. Eyes burn, nose runs and my muscles are tight. But I have to stay off the benzos. Can't believe how sick they made me. At some point I like to believe I will be ok. At 67 I am waking up.  At least I don't feel like drinking much and I used to pour at least a pint or more of vodka down my throat everyday for 20 years, along with the Klonopin (for 10 years or so). 

[[jo...]]

Hi all,

I thought I would go ahead and join this group since my age qualifies me.

I reconize some of you as you’ve been so kind to offer support to me on the post withdrawals support board.

 

I am having such a difficult time. My story is that  I had been on an AD for 10 years (Viibryd at 20mg, then 10mg) and I tapered off too quickly during Covid. Eight months later I was having a lot of anxiety and stress and my pdoc tried to start me back up on Lexapro, and gave me Xanax .25mg per day to use as a start up with the Lexapro.  I didn't even know what Xanax was! Anyway, I only lasted a week on the Lexapro, so she told me to stop the Lexapro and keep taking the Xanax.  After 2.5 months of Xanax I started getting burning arms.  Went to multiple docs, blood tests, they all said it was stress.  So then I later researched it and realized I was having interdose WDs.  The thing is, that crazy xanax made me panic even more and it was almost paradoxical from the start.  So anyway, I then knew I had to taper off.  I tried to taper for 4 months, and my whole body was on fire!  I could barely come down.  I then went to detox because they told me it would help me to get it out of my system and that I was on a low dose and shouldn't have any problems.  What a lie!  Their sales pitch was deception.

I’ve been struggling so much.

 

So anyway, it's been 10.5 months now since detox and my poor body has burned so bad the whole time.  As it happens, it feels like a grill brush being rubbed on my head, arms,shoulders and legs.  Pure hell and such torment.  I have paced the floor for hours, soaked in the tub on end... at times I feel electrocuted, and feel like someone has a blow torch against my skin.

 

I finally was put on Gabapentin to help.  I've taken it for 7 months.  It kind of helps and then it doesn't.  The burning breaks through most days and nights, but it does take the edge off some.

I've begged God to have mercy on me.. and take me home.  My friends think it's all anxiety, and don't really come around anymore. 

 

I feel abandoned and so alone in my torment. My family members passed away tragically years ago. (That’s the reason I got on the AD).  I've managed to work through all this, while having ice packs close by.  I work remote, thank goodness.

 

I've had such tremors, and my legs shake like a seizure when my anxiety ramps up, which is daily.  I'm overwhelmed by the pain and the anxiety just rages on due to the cortisol and adreneline coursing through my body like a raging fire.

 

I dont like being on the Gabapentin and I know I will have to taper off, but I wonder if the Gabapentin is hurting me more?  I've reduced just a little, but when I miss my dose or am late taking it, I can really feel the burning even more, so that tells me the Gabapentin must be helping some.  I know it's a calcium channel blocker and doesnt hit the same receptors, but I am scared that I'm making it worse.  But, I'm too afraid to stop it because the burning is so bad, and my anxiety is so bad because of the pain.

 

I kept thinking I would turn a corner by now.. and here it is, month 10 and I'm still suffering so greatly. I've been to the ER 3 times.

 

I am starting to try to swim some laps at the indoor pool very slowly...just to feel the cold water on my body. And I’ve been going back to church. I couldn’t go for a long time due to my pain. And now I just try to go even though my body is burning.

 

I recently had a tooth extraction due to fracturing my root from clenching so hard due to the pain.

So they had to give me versed for anesthesia and I’ve had to be on antibiotics for that and then got a UTI, so more antibiotics. It’s awful!

So now I’m in a horrible wave and my body is on fire. I’m just scared and broken.

 

If you could please offer your advice and help to me, I would appreciate it so much.

Some of you  have always been so sweet to encourage on my posts.

 

I wish friends who understood and could encourage me, sadly my closest friend keeps her distance now.  It's a very lonely place to be, in so much pain. I just don't know how I'm going to get through this because the burning just rages on, and the daily battle is so exhausting.

 

I’m so sorry for all those who are suffering so greatly.

 

Bless you!

[[fr...]]

Jordanjack,

 

I'm sorry you have to go through all this.  I just wanted to give you a reply - my age qualifies me as well.  I've been through klonopin withdrawal multiple times in my life, because that's how I get treated initially for my anxiety and depression.

 

I commend you that you have been able to still work despite all this.  That has to be hard.  Hopefully you are able to get at least a little sense of accomplishment from your work. 

 

Glad you are able to get out and swim and visit church.  I make sure I walk every day.  I also attend church, and started an adult study class one evening a week even though it was very difficult to force myself to go with the inter-dose withdrawal symptoms.  I felt the desire to chicken out and run from it, but I forced myself to sit through the first class.  It got easier after that as I got used to it.  I can't say that I look forward to it yet, but I definitely feel better afterwards for having gone.

 

Maybe you are getting a bit better and don't realize it, since you are able to get out a bit now?  Could you have done that say 6 months ago? 

[[gr...]]

Hi - JordanJack - my friends have not been very supportive. They think I am exaggerating about the withdrawal and avoid me.  Sadly, I let alcohol re-enter my life  two months ago.  Believed that it would help - that was the old drunk telling stories. I got really drunk in front of my grandchildren and now my daughter will have nothing to do with me. I understand. Told her that I am withdrawing from klonopin. She called me a useless pill head mom. I plan to just work on sobriety and perhaps in time, she and I can reunite.  My husband has told me that I am useless and is quite angry too. Hard days. I am able to eat, read, do some yoga and knit. Sleep a bit - 2 hours or so at a time. I understand the torment you and others here suffer. I have to believe it will get better. Thank you for sharing your story.

[[jo...]]

Jordanjack,

 

I'm sorry you have to go through all this.  I just wanted to give you a reply - my age qualifies me as well.  I've been through klonopin withdrawal multiple times in my life, because that's how I get treated initially for my anxiety and depression.

 

I commend you that you have been able to still work despite all this.  That has to be hard.  Hopefully you are able to get at least a little sense of accomplishment from your work. 

 

Glad you are able to get out and swim and visit church.  I make sure I walk every day.  I also attend church, and started an adult study class one evening a week even though it was very difficult to force myself to go with the inter-dose withdrawal symptoms.  I felt the desire to chicken out and run from it, but I forced myself to sit through the first class.  It got easier after that as I got used to it.  I can't say that I look forward to it yet, but I definitely feel better afterwards for having gone.

 

Maybe you are getting a bit better and don't realize it, since you are able to get out a bit now?  Could you have done that say 6 months ago?

 

Hi Frank,

Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and encouragement. M

Yes, this journey is incredibly difficult but I do see a little progress in the past 6 months.

I was in so much pain and actually afraid to go anywhere so I guess being able to attend church some and go to the pool is a big step. It’s just crazy how the symptoms can cause such distress and pain.

 

How wonderful that you’ve been able to start with the Bible study and enjoy those daily walks. I think as hard as it is at first, that it does teach our brain that we are trying to carry on in spite of the symptoms.  I hope you feel better and better in the coming days!

Bless you!

[[jo...]]

Hi - JordanJack - my friends have not been very supportive. They think I am exaggerating about the withdrawal and avoid me.  Sadly, I let alcohol re-enter my life  two months ago.  Believed that it would help - that was the old drunk telling stories. I got really drunk in front of my grandchildren and now my daughter will have nothing to do with me. I understand. Told her that I am withdrawing from klonopin. She called me a useless pill head mom. I plan to just work on sobriety and perhaps in time, she and I can reunite.  My husband has told me that I am useless and is quite angry too. Hard days. I am able to eat, read, do some yoga and knit. Sleep a bit - 2 hours or so at a time. I understand the torment you and others here suffer. I have to believe it will get better. Thank you for sharing your story.

 

Hi Grace,

Thank you so much. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to experience the suffering and the feeling of not being understood. Nobody can understand what we are going through unless they have experienced it themselves. That’s why I’m so grateful for BB, because we all get it.

 

I’m so sorry that you’ve been hurt by your family members. Do not believe the words they say! You are totally worth it and you matter. You are not defined by what has happened to you with the Benzo and alcohol. You are doing the best you can and you will get through this, even alone if you have to. You will be stronger because of it. Keep believing in you and come here so we can lift you up. My closest friend has moved on; it feels like rejection, but I know I have to do all I can to survive, so I just try to encourage myself and tell myself that we all heal.

I’m just so sorry that you don’t feel supported. This journey is hard enough.

I am sending you big hugs. We are all together in this. You’re going to overcome this, we have to get better; we will heal.

Bless you! 🤗🙏

[[gr...]]

Thank you JordanJack! I so needed to read your kind words. Stay strong.