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Nova

 

I updosed to 9 for stupid reasons from wherever I was, and hit a wall trying to come back down. I just started cutting, holding didn't work, and I was not doing well at 9. Cutting .25-.5 a month.

 

Just dealing with it, enough of this.  Struggling through the cut, but I think that is just how it is, and I have to go through this if I want to taper.

 

Good Luck Nova, I know there is no easy answer :smitten:

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Ditto same here BD I agree with what Lori said to you as well and the same applies to me last I wish to God there was another way for us to forge ahead I am praying that maybe we will get lucky and feel a lot better at a lower dose very soon BD  :hug: :hug:  Nova xxx ♥️
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Totally! Gawd this cut hurts, but I'm not caving this time. I hope it stabilizes, and also hope that lower doses are easier.  :smitten:
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BD and Nova...

 

YOU CAN DO THIS!  I swear to you, two years ago I thought I was dying.  I cannot stress enough how bad I was!  There are literally no words to emphasize or adequately explain the state that I was in. 

 

Here I am, ready to hit .5 milligrams,doing so much better! Just yesterday my younger sister texted me all excited because I enthusiastically agreed to come see her daughter before her prom on Saturday and have dinner afterwards.  She jokingly wrote, "New Lori! Who dis?... I've missed YOU!"    Yes, the "dis" part is hokey, but she's young.  LOL 

Once I got lower in my dose, things changed dramatically for the better!  And I'm a long, long, long hauler! 

 

I believe in you both!  YOU GOT THIS!

 

Love,

Lori

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BD and Nova...

 

YOU CAN DO THIS!  I swear to you, two years ago I thought I was dying.  I cannot stress enough how bad I was!  There are literally no words to emphasize or adequately explain the state that I was in. 

 

Here I am, ready to hit .5 milligrams,doing so much better! Just yesterday my younger sister texted me all excited because I enthusiastically agreed to come see her daughter before her prom on Saturday and have dinner afterwards.  She jokingly wrote, "New Lori! Who dis?... I've missed YOU!"    Yes, the "dis" part is hokey, but she's young.  LOL 

Once I got lower in my dose, things changed dramatically for the better!  And I'm a long, long, long hauler! 

 

I believe in you both!  YOU GOT THIS!

 

Love,

Lori

 

 

I'm a long hauler too. 6 yr taper after 21 years of crazy high doses. Last dose was last month, so yes, it can happen! One foot in front of the other. It all passes :)

 

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Thank you both so much. The encouragement means more than you know.

 

What upsets me is that daughter number 2 and her fam (hubby and 2 little boys)are coming tomorrow (staying in a B&B), and then we are watching daughter number 1's little boys for a week end of May.

 

I don't want them to come because I am so dysfunctional from making the much needed cut. I am very upset that my withdraw is bad enough that it makes seeing and interacting with the grandchildren really hard.

 

Maybe I will feel better tomorrow, I hope so. I want to be functional and able to interact. Going to have to fake it to some extent even if I am not, I can't hide away the whole time. That would be more painful to me and create more guilt than  faking it.

 

This just sux.

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BD,

 

I have been right where you are, it is so difficult.  My heart goes out to you as I know how awful this feels.  My grand daughter often asks me how much longer I will be sick...

 

You never know how you will feel from day to day, maybe tomorrow you will wake up feeling completely functional....it happens from time to time for me.

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BD and Nova...

 

YOU CAN DO THIS!  I swear to you, two years ago I thought I was dying.  I cannot stress enough how bad I was!  There are literally no words to emphasize or adequately explain the state that I was in. 

 

Here I am, ready to hit .5 milligrams,doing so much better! Just yesterday my younger sister texted me all excited because I enthusiastically agreed to come see her daughter before her prom on Saturday and have dinner afterwards.  She jokingly wrote, "New Lori! Who dis?... I've missed YOU!"    Yes, the "dis" part is hokey, but she's young.  LOL 

Once I got lower in my dose, things changed dramatically for the better!  And I'm a long, long, long hauler! 

 

I believe in you both!  YOU GOT THIS!

 

Love,

Lori

 

 

I'm a long hauler too. 6 yr taper after 21 years of crazy high doses. Last dose was last month, so yes, it can happen! One foot in front of the other. It all passes :)

 

I'm echoing what BD said, Thank you both so much Lori and Jeff  :hug:. The encouragement means more than you know.  :hug:

 

                                                                                            Nova xxx  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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BD and Nova...

 

YOU CAN DO THIS!  I swear to you, two years ago I thought I was dying.  I cannot stress enough how bad I was!  There are literally no words to emphasize or adequately explain the state that I was in. 

 

Here I am, ready to hit .5 milligrams,doing so much better! Just yesterday my younger sister texted me all excited because I enthusiastically agreed to come see her daughter before her prom on Saturday and have dinner afterwards.  She jokingly wrote, "New Lori! Who dis?... I've missed YOU!"    Yes, the "dis" part is hokey, but she's young.  LOL 

Once I got lower in my dose, things changed dramatically for the better!  And I'm a long, long, long hauler! 

 

I believe in you both!  YOU GOT THIS!

 

Love,

Lori

 

 

I'm a long hauler too. 6 yr taper after 21 years of crazy high doses. Last dose was last month, so yes, it can happen! One foot in front of the other. It all passes :)

 

I'm echoing what BD said, Thank you both so much Lori and Jeff  :hug:. The encouragement means more than you know.  :hug:

 

                                                                                            Nova xxx  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

:smitten:

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Awesome people in here. But maybe it's partly because were all old farts, and we are more open minded.

 

I don't know if you folks know how much you help by letting me know you have been where I am at, and others, and came out of it. :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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Hi  all you Guy's n' gal's  :-*  :hug: here on the teenagers support group but trapped in the wrong body ;D 

Do you find its your mental state that dictates your cuts more so than your physical pain? The reason I'm asking is because I wanted to cut a couple of weeks ago I really felt ready to do it but held off due to a food delivery and an at home as I'm housebound most of the time appointment with my Dr for my Diazepam prescription which is obviously vital to have .

 

Anyhoo' I really wanted to do a cut that week(14 days after last cut where as its usually a LOT longer than that , try many weeks, at least two to 3 months between cuts) but as I said I held 'just in case', but this week am rapidly deteriorating as far as symptoms go, and am coming up 4 weeks hold of the last cut.  I am not sure if its the famous Diazepam ''lag'' time catching up  :D  or if its my body trying to tell me something or its just the way it is. ???

 

So I've looked back at my journal and behold!  I've cut when feeling awful as my brain couldn't take it no more holding so cut regardless of feeling like super hell, and death the next day after the cut but held out anyway, apart from the one cut where I went back up 2 days later as it must have been really !@#$%*& for me to do that but I haven't logged why as I was too rough at the time to journal about it. Also there no difference regardless of how long the length of time between cuts of how long I hold I hold either I still swing up and down symptoms wise on a rating from 1 to 10 ( 1 would be prefect going into  higher numbers means  getting harder or worse) I have never been a 1 but have been a 4 which is  good to me the way I rate by the number

 

Also I have day where I've gone from feeling like death to feeling OK or good as we ALL know its the unpredictability of it all that's one of the worse things, BUT....the two things that stood out when I've actually done a cut is I feel so freaking terrible like a 9 or a 10 that I cut out of sheer desperation  as its o agonising and I hope that the cut will help or B I feel bloody terrible physically but mentally I feel the time is right to cut, never have I EVER been stable or had a few days or a week in a row where I've been at ''4'' which is my good point.

 

Other than that I can find no distinctive pattern where length of time between cuts or a  hold has made anything better at all . and the longer I hold the more wary and fearful  I get about cutting I've now realized, and end up cutting because I feel like I'm dying and don't know what else to do anyway. Plus I had been many, many  year's in unbeknown tolerance withdrawal at my full prescribed diazepam  dose, then up and won in doses for different reasons too long a story to go into but sure as hell wish I hadn't but had no choice in the matter at the time plus a few CT's too off other Benzos too.

                                                                             

                                                                                Nova xxx  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                            108da204e104e3ca61c1e862c6242cc1.jpg

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NOva-

 

I don't set cut dates. I did back in the day. However, as I have had such an ordeal trying to cut for several months, I wait unit my current cuts all "take." I do not cut in a wave.

 

I cut my other drug (seroquel) and am waiting for that to settle down, so I have 2 drugs I am working on, it does make things a bit different.

 

I am at the lowest dosage I have been in 6 months, as I finally just bit the bullet and cut dose 3, then dose 1 over a 2 month period, a total of .5. Parking my butt here for a while. I still don't get enough relief from dose 3 and 1, so if I cut them, I couldn't sustain it. Dose 2 is usually a decent dose, and it gets me through the other 2 that fall a bit short as far as calming wd.

 

When those doses give me relief most of the time, I will make a small cut to numbers 3, then 2. Will leave number 1 alone for a while. Number 1 is my most difficult dose right now.

 

That's how I m doing it. Slow, low, and 1 dose at a time.

 

 

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NOva-

 

I don't set cut dates. I did back in the day. However, as I have had such an ordeal trying to cut for several months, I wait unit my current cuts all "take." I do not cut in a wave.

 

I cut my other drug (seroquel) and am waiting for that to settle down, so I have 2 drugs I am working on, it does make things a bit different.

 

I am at the lowest dosage I have been in 6 months, as I finally just bit the bullet and cut dose 3, then dose 1 over a 2 month period, a total of .5. Parking my butt here for a while. I still don't get enough relief from dose 3 and 1, so if I cut them, I couldn't sustain it. Dose 2 is usually a decent dose, and it gets me through the other 2 that fall a bit short as far as calming wd.

 

When those doses give me relief most of the time, I will make a small cut to numbers 3, then 2. Will leave number 1 alone for a while. Number 1 is my most difficult dose right now.

 

That's how I m doing it. Slow, low, and 1 dose at a time.

Hi BD :hug:  if I didn't cut while symptomatic I'd never cut at all as I'm never symptom free and yes I have cut in waves and sometimes it did actually help me, my other problem is I cycle terribly too through the day or every 24 hours from bearable to hell so I have no choice but to bite the bullet and cut although I don't ever do it by a set date. Its just that I was going through my journal once again as I do from time to time over the year's  to see if there's any pattern at all but there's not its just totally random and I hold until I can't stand it no more or until I feel indistinctively ( mentally) I'm strong enough to take the fall out at the time although that mind set don't stay for the duration of the fall out from the cut.

 

I only wish it did, but its a kick start to cut but as I said previously I have held lots of times for months at times with no relief then cut and found I felt a bit better for the cut than the hold. I've held for 10 months more times than I can remember with no relief or change, also 8  and 6 months quite a few times same thing and 17 months no relief so cut added up I've held for a few year's altogether, I reckon its got to be over  4,  possibly 5 or more?? year's overall on  holds? Yet no decent relief or stability always cycling with no warning ans lots of long  symptoms that never go, then new ones on top that shock me. The only thing I can definitely say is if I do too much on an OK or a good day its fatal and puts me into hell but you never know how much is too much until it hits you either, yet anther bummer  ::) and my brains hyper over stimulated ALL the time too  :D

 

                                                                        Nova xxx  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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Hi everyone  :hug: I was just wondering how everyone on this  support group anyone improving or moving getting worse or still stuck in the same place?I'm going to hold for a few more days at the dose I'm presently on before reevaluating my situation as things are not very good at all at the moment, :(

 

 

 

                                                                              Nova xxx  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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Hello Everyone,

 

I am continuing to dose down.  Over the last couple of months I have been having severe joint and muscle aches, it's awful. In addition my anxiety is ticking up.  I am waking a few times a night with anxiety/panic.  I hate this symptom so much..

 

Hope everyone is continuing to move forward....

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I agree with all here about cutting even when feeling terrible AND... never feeling stable or "good" throughout this process.  My experience has been that it's been pretty crappy since day one.  I honestly don't remember the last time I had more than 24 hours of feeling "normal".  Quite frankly, I'm no longer sure what normal is anymore.  In the early days of the taper, I experienced major insomnia, fear, panic, numbness and tingling of my legs, heart racing, major anxiety, etc.  Now, at a much, much lower dose, it's muscle and tendon pain and stiffness, air hunger, fatigue, nerve pain (and a few others).  However, most, if not all, of the symptoms from early on in the taper have vanished.

 

I didn't have a choice but to continue to decrease my dose - if I had stopped tapering and waiting to feel better, I would still be at 4 milligrams!  I did do a slight updose and hold for a year which I believed helped me.  However, I'll never truly know.  Keep in mind that I've been on Xanax for 23 years (including taper years) and I do believe that such long term use can be very difficult.  I think my body simply needed a rest from the methodical tapering.  Again, I could be wrong.  It's not as if there's a manual or peer reviewed medical journal to turn to for answers.

 

I will add that I'm doing much better at a low dose versus where I was both mentally and physcially 2 years ago.  And many of my horrible symptoms got so much better when I got to the halfway mark!  Hang in there, everyone!  I honestly have seen much improvement along the way.  I'm convinced that healing is happening the lower we go!

 

Fondly

Lori

 

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Hi everyone,

I have been thinking too about when I cut and how long I hold lately.  It has gotten harder since I got under 1 mg of xanax (started at 3.5-4 mg) but I am thinking too that  there is no point in holding for long periods as I am like Lori - if I wait to cut, I may not,  since there is never a day or days when I do not feel some kind of symptom.  I am thinking at this point that I may as well just keep cutting and holding a couple weeks and then do another cut and keep going unless I get so I am not able to function at all.  Right now I am dealing with being  off balance, dizziness and ear pressure and yesterday I was not really functional.  I laid down all day and evening and that is not like me.  Today I am a little better.  I just want to be done and if holding is not going to help, why am I doing that? 

 

I am hoping this last .5625 mg will not be brutal.  I can handle being uncomfortable and after going through a 5 month CT withdrawal before, I know I can do this.  I just have to be willing to be even more uncomfortable than I am now.  I just do not want to go too fast and have a set back.

 

Take care all,

Julia

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Good luck Julia, do what feels right for you and you can’t go wrong.  I am just under .25 and I am managing ok.  I am cutting weekly and have held a week here and there depending on symptoms.

We will all get there in time!

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Hi everyone,

I have been thinking too about when I cut and how long I hold lately.  It has gotten harder since I got under 1 mg of xanax (started at 3.5-4 mg) but I am thinking too that  there is no point in holding for long periods as I am like Lori - if I wait to cut, I may not,  since there is never a day or days when I do not feel some kind of symptom.  I am thinking at this point that I may as well just keep cutting and holding a couple weeks and then do another cut and keep going unless I get so I am not able to function at all.  Right now I am dealing with being  off balance, dizziness and ear pressure and yesterday I was not really functional.  I laid down all day and evening and that is not like me.  Today I am a little better.  I just want to be done and if holding is not going to help, why am I doing that? 

 

I am hoping this last .5625 mg will not be brutal.  I can handle being uncomfortable and after going through a 5 month CT withdrawal before, I know I can do this.  I just have to be willing to be even more uncomfortable than I am now.  I just do not want to go too fast and have a set back.

 

Take care all,

Julia

 

Yep, we just each need to do what feels best to us at any given moment. Early on in the game I learned to basically forget about the calendar or day of week and just cut or hold when needed. I will say that doing the liquid micro taper was a Godsend because I could cut mega small amounts to sort of ease the decreases over time. I definitely felt better and healed more as I got on lower doses. My last dose after 27 years was only about a month ago. It was a journey, but the finish line got bigger and bigger as I moved along. Best to all!

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Good luck Julia, do what feels right for you and you can’t go wrong.  I am just under .25 and I am managing ok.  I am cutting weekly and have held a week here and there depending on symptoms.

We will all get there in time!

Thanks Seasalt- yes we will!!😊

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Ultra2007,

I'm so happy for you!! That's great.  I tried the liquid months ago and couldn't do it. But I'll get through this and will be so happy when I do.

It's one day at a time for all of us.

Hugs,

Julia :smitten:

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My taper has lasted longer than usual. Its different for everyone. I reinstated to .25 Klonopin just after 5 years of complete taper from 1 to 1/2 mg.  I haven't updosed from .25 yet but I will start cutting it back down to .15mg next month. 

 

Now if the anxieties of the world would just go away, wouldn't that be easy but for me who is hyper-sensitive and can't take a whole lot around me, it helps.

 

 

HOpe this helps you.

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Jen cats,

 

Can I ask why you reinstated?  Were the side effects too much?  Five years is a log taper, I would assume your transition off wouldn’t be bad, was this not the case?

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My taper has lasted longer than usual. Its different for everyone. I reinstated to .25 Klonopin just after 5 years of complete taper from 1 to 1/2 mg.  I haven't updosed from .25 yet but I will start cutting it back down to .15mg next month. 

 

Now if the anxieties of the world would just go away, wouldn't that be easy but for me who is hyper-sensitive and can't take a whole lot around me, it helps.

 

 

HOpe this helps you.

 

Yep, the hypersensitivity absolutely bites. I'm right there with you. That's why it took me 6 years to do my taper. Most people can't relate to that unless they deal with sensitivity too. I was super hypersensitive to life before I was even put on benzos, but 27 years of putting that stuff into my body has made me mega-crazy-hypersensitive. Stick with it though! Did it really take you 5 years to taper from 1 to 1/2 mg? I know that reinstating can be a really tough thing too. I never did that, but was really tempted at times. Everybody's journey is different, but we can all do it. My last dose was 3/20/21 and I'm a ton better but still a way to go. Hang on to your drive! Keep at it. Seems nuts at the moment, but you'll get there  :)

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