50 and over club- withdrawal and recovery issues for the aged :-)

[[Ho...]]

Frankly, I know nobody who has been on these many decades who is getting better.

 

Yes you do. You know me. We've been in contact before.

 

I got better . . . even better than I was pre-benzos. And I keep on getting better, accepting new challenges in my work (I'm a writer and book publisher). And I'm 73.

 

So it's far from a given that us "elders" don't get better.

 

Katz

 

Hi there,

 

I just found this board. Almost 70! Just a few months away!

 

I'm getting better. Little by little, but it's definitely on an upward swing. I'm almost four months past jumping and my skin doesn't burn as much. The days aren't pure misery and I sleep well enough. The depression his lightening.

 

All of these of course I want gone forever. But they're on their way, and that will have to be good enough for now. I'm not now who's had windows and waves. I'm pretty linear. The symptoms and timing both morph a bit, but I expect to be well. I've read many who say they're better than before. That could be me, it could be any of us. Anyway, glad I found this group! Will have a nice long read one of these days.

[[Fi...]]

Hi,

 

I'm in the post 60s club and now tapering Mirtazapine again.

 

I had a huge setback at 17 months after experiencing a good  post benzo chunk of time. I was well and feeling good.

After the surgery and anesthesia, I was thrown into benzo withdrawal with many symptoms I never has during withdrawal. 

 

After losing my sleep, I stupidly turned to sleep meds.

 

I'm now tapering Mirtazapine for the second time.  I saw this support group and appreciate the positivity here.

 

I'm now down to 6.3mgs from 7.5.  I was on it 7 weeks before starting my taper. Just looking for encouragement that I can do it again at an older age.

 

FH

[[Ho...]]

Hi,

 

I'm in the post 60s club and now tapering Mirtazapine again.

 

I had a huge setback at 17 months after experiencing a good  post benzo chunk of time. I was well and feeling good.

After the surgery and anesthesia, I was thrown into benzo withdrawal with many symptoms I never has during withdrawal. 

 

After losing my sleep, I stupidly turned to sleep meds.

 

I'm now tapering Mirtazapine for the second time.  I saw this support group and appreciate the positivity here.

 

Hi,

I'm sure there are others with more information, but I was put on mirtazepine because I lost a lot of weight as I tapered off the Clonazepam.  They put me on 15 mg and tried to give me more, but my body said no. So in about three months I dropped to 7.5 mg, and then to my current dose which is 3.75 mg. I was waiting until I felt a little better to taper down further, with an aim to getting rid of the Mirtazepine completely. So I'm not there, but getting there!

 

I did notice that the withdrawal symptoms for me were similar to the benzo issues: Burning skin, general malaise, a bit more depressed etc. But overall not too bad! You'll do fine. You're taking it nice and slow, plus you've been here (or in the vicinity!) before. You already have plenty of tools in your toolkit. 

 

I'm now down to 6.3mgs from 7.5.  I was on it 7 weeks before starting my taper. Just looking for encouragement that I can do it again at an older age.

 

FH

[[Fi...]]

Thanks HCHC.

 

Did you just cut your doses in half. Meaning you went from 15mgs to 7.5mgs to 3.75?

 

I kinda just want to go down to 3.75 but feel afraid because I've read so many horror stories.

 

What are your withdrawal symptoms like? I know we are all different but if I could save myself some time on this taper I would.

 

FH

[Guest [...]]

Nice to see a group of people our age here. Im 65, in the long process of tapering off x.

Withdrawals at the moment, still a bit bothersome.  Mostly tinnitus,  which i was diagnosed with 15 yrs ago. Its much louder right now. Brain fog, agitation,  nervousness, lack of appetite,  head pressire, bulging eyes when i have my bad days. Sleep is ok, but i wake up too early, lol.

 

Im trying to settle my system and holding at 3 mg about...per day. Ive only begun this 6 mths ago, after my new doc decided to cut my script in half. Shock to say the least. Its a Canadian thing it seems. Doctors here are very slow to understand and learn about benzo tapering and withdrawing.  Im trying to educate myself and my doctor about it all. Next visit will be interesting.

 

Hopefully i make it to zero, whenever that will be, im still a bit screwed up with this. Trying to get my taper schedule down. I finally got my scale but its the math that is confusing.

 

 

 

[[Fi...]]

Hi Moojoo22,

 

The scale thing can be confusing at first but once you get comfortable, you will be fine. I can answer some questions though there are probably people here with more knowledge than me.

 

I dry cut all the way through my benzo taper and am doing the same now with my Mirtazapine taper.

 

One thing I did during my taper was hoard all the extras pull and pieces of pills I could. I never wanted to feel that my doctor could pull the rug out from underneath me. I wanted to have some control. That way if I needed to hold longer, I had extra pills as a cushion.

 

Final Healing

 

 

[[Ho...]]

Thanks HCHC.

 

Did you just cut your doses in half. Meaning you went from 15mgs to 7.5mgs to 3.75?

 

I kinda just want to go down to 3.75 but feel afraid because I've read so many horror stories.

 

What are your withdrawal symptoms like? I know we are all different but if I could save myself some time on this taper I would.

 

FH

Hi there,

I did taper a bit but not for any length of time. I did go from 15 mg. to 7.5 mg.  I had only just been off Clonazepam for a month or two, so yes, there were side effects but I was already pretty acute. And for some reason I felt a lot better initially, so I thought it was going to be easy. But in a few days I started feeling a bit worse; more burning and achiness.  I stayed there about three weeks. At 7.5 I started doing cuts and dropping a mg at a time. By the time I got to 3.75 mg I noticed the side effects more, and since the holidays were coming up I decided not to stress myself and started holding.

 

When I next start titrating down I'll probably do micro cuts. The fewer side effects, the better. And it seems as if the lower one goes on a med, the stronger the side effects of withdrawal. Micro seems like the way to go!

 

You'll get through it. You know your own constitution better than anyone. You'll make the best decision for you!!

[[Fi...]]

Thanks HCHC.

 

Did you just cut your doses in half. Meaning you went from 15mgs to 7.5mgs to 3.75?

 

I kinda just want to go down to 3.75 but feel afraid because I've read so many horror stories.

 

What are your withdrawal symptoms like? I know we are all different but if I could save myself some time on this taper I would.

 

FH

Hi there,

I did taper a bit but not for any length of time. I did go from 15 mg. to 7.5 mg.  I had only just been off Clonazepam for a month or two, so yes, there were side effects but I was already pretty acute. And for some reason I felt a lot better initially, so I thought it was going to be easy. But in a few days I started feeling a bit worse; more burning and achiness.  I stayed there about three weeks. At 7.5 I started doing cuts and dropping a mg at a time. By the time I got to 3.75 mg I noticed the side effects more, and since the holidays were coming up I decided not to stress myself and started holding.

 

When I next start titrating down I'll probably do micro cuts. The fewer side effects, the better. And it seems as if the lower one goes on a med, the stronger the side effects of withdrawal. Micro seems like the way to go!

 

You'll get through it. You know your own constitution better than anyone. You'll make the best decision for you!!

 

Thank you.

 

And just to pass in a different perspective. I know a handful of people tapering Mirt and the lower they go, the better they feel.

 

That's what I'm aiming for if I can just have the patience to get there again.

 

Take care.

[[Ho...]]

Thanks HCHC.

 

Did you just cut your doses in half. Meaning you went from 15mgs to 7.5mgs to 3.75?

 

I kinda just want to go down to 3.75 but feel afraid because I've read so many horror stories.

 

What are your withdrawal symptoms like? I know we are all different but if I could save myself some time on this taper I would.

 

FH

Hi there,

I did taper a bit but not for any length of time. I did go from 15 mg. to 7.5 mg.  I had only just been off Clonazepam for a month or two, so yes, there were side effects but I was already pretty acute. And for some reason I felt a lot better initially, so I thought it was going to be easy. But in a few days I started feeling a bit worse; more burning and achiness.  I stayed there about three weeks. At 7.5 I started doing cuts and dropping a mg at a time. By the time I got to 3.75 mg I noticed the side effects more, and since the holidays were coming up I decided not to stress myself and started holding.

 

When I next start titrating down I'll probably do micro cuts. The fewer side effects, the better. And it seems as if the lower one goes on a med, the stronger the side effects of withdrawal. Micro seems like the way to go!

 

You'll get through it. You know your own constitution better than anyone. You'll make the best decision for you!!

 

Thank you.

 

And just to pass in a different perspective. I know a handful of people tapering Mirt and the lower they go, the better they feel.

 

That's what I'm aiming for if I can just have the patience to get there again.

 

Take care.

 

Oh man, I LOVE this!! May it be absolutely true for both of us!! 

[[no...]]

Any of you guys did a long hold and felt worse before feeling better? I'm month 4 of holding and feel worse than the first 2 months ? Can barely function and not at all some days

 

 

Nova

[[ba...]]

Nova;

 

The only way to know is to updose or downdose and see if you improve. There is no way to know what is happening without experimenting. You might have kindled when you hit that 2 month mark.

 

Hopefully others chime in.

[[to...]]

Any of you guys did a long hold and felt worse before feeling better? I'm month 4 of holding and feel worse than the first 2 months ? Can barely function and not at all some days

 

 

Nova

 

Hi Nova,  I made the horrible mistake of jumping from 1.74 mg xanax on August 1st and within 50 hours, I was in hell so I have to reinstate.  When I did I just went back to the dose I had been on, the 1.74 mg.  After 7 days of pure hell, I up dosed to .1875 mg and stayed there for a few weeks with no relief.  I had to up dose 3 more times to .375 mg.  I have been holding for 60 days and I am getting some relief, finally.  I had to keep going up to get out of the hell I was in.  My opinion is that you may have hit interdose and I agree with Baddove in that you may have to experiment by going up or down to see what helps you.  For me, I had to realize that going up in dose and going down in dose, my CNS has to adjust and I can not go up or down without giving my CNS time to adjust.  I just had to keep doing the up doses until I got to a dose that helped.  I did not want to do it but in my case, I had to! 

 

I have read that some people that are holding, it may take a few days, weeks or months to get relief.  Even once they got relief, some did ok holding longer and some reached tolerance and had to go higher in dose or start to taper again.  It is so hard to know what to do in this nightmare situation.

 

I hope you feel better soon! 

[[no...]]

Thanks both its not knowing whether up or down is the way to go as we all know its unpredictable for most of us except the very lucky few  But I also feel toxic, and am wondering if maybe downs the way to go up dosing has put me back years, its a scary tricky call what to do . 

 

 

Nova 

[[ba...]]

Nova,

 

You have absolutely not set yourself back years! Just let that lie go. The tapering process is rarely linear. We get setbacks (like an antibiotic) and  we need an up dose, usually a long one, to be stable. Setbacks throw the whole thing out the window.

 

Tol makes a very important statement about up dosing. It takes time, either way, to adapt.  I say I am my own petri dish. When what I am doing is not working, I will experiment up or down and see how it goes. If it's too much of an increase, or I have gone the wrong way by up dosing, I can tell in 3 days. The doses make me feel worse. If it's too low, the sxs are too difficult within  2-3 days.

 

I was floxed 3x in a row and had to hold for 2 years because the damage was so severe! I thought I would never be able to taper again. But I did. More slowly with a good 3-4 weeks per cut.

 

Tapering for me, and many other ,is zigzag, not a straight line down.

 

Also, xanax does not make me feel good. I don't know if it does for you. I take what I need to not go acute. I am uncomfortable, and hope to keep myself uncomfortable but not in crisis.

 

I just had a horrendous failed cut from seroquel, I went insane. I am 3 days post reinstatement, I am at my pre seroquel dose, because it's where I was before. I believe in time it will feel "stable." I am comfortably uncomfortable at this dose.

 

I also will take a rescue dose when something has gone crazy.

 

My goal is stability and function, I know I wont always have that, but that is my priority. My emphasis is not to cut, cut ,cut. It's not even to get completely off the drug. It is to reduce as sensibly as I can, allow for set backs, make the down dosing workable. We will always have bad days.

 

I also know it takes a good 3 weeks for me to adapt, and even that is not always the case. It could be less, it could be more.

 

If your feeling worse after 2 weeks into a 4 week hold, I reaffirm my initial statement, that you can experiment with a bit up, a bit down, and see if it helps get you out of that feeling. Just be conservative. Too much change, and our CNS throws a tantrum.

 

Your going to figure this out. You are doing great on your taper. Your going to feel better.

 

-Dove

 

[[no...]]

Wave from hell inowwork men  drilling in the building again I swear to God I am cursed.. I can’t see how I’m ever going to get off this shit I feel totally trapped 🥲xxx ❤️ 💖

[[no...]]

Nova,

 

You have absolutely not set yourself back years! Just let that lie go. The tapering process is rarely linear. We get setbacks (like an antibiotic) and  we need an up dose, usually a long one, to be stable. Setbacks throw the whole thing out the window.

 

Tol makes a very important statement about up dosing. It takes time, either way, to adapt.  I say I am my own petri dish. When what I am doing is not working, I will experiment up or down and see how it goes. If it's too much of an increase, or I have gone the wrong way by up dosing, I can tell in 3 days. The doses make me feel worse. If it's too low, the sxs are too difficult within  2-3 days.

 

I was floxed 3x in a row and had to hold for 2 years because the damage was so severe! I thought I would never be able to taper again. But I did. More slowly with a good 3-4 weeks per cut.

 

Tapering for me, and many other ,is zigzag, not a straight line down.

 

Also, xanax does not make me feel good. I don't know if it does for you. I take what I need to not go acute. I am uncomfortable, and hope to keep myself uncomfortable but not in crisis.

 

I just had a horrendous failed cut from seroquel, I went insane. I am 3 days post reinstatement, I am at my pre seroquel dose, because it's where I was before. I believe in time it will feel "stable." I am comfortably uncomfortable at this dose.

 

I also will take a rescue dose when something has gone crazy.

 

My goal is stability and function, I know I wont always have that, but that is my priority. My emphasis is not to cut, cut ,cut. It's not even to get completely off the drug. It is to reduce as sensibly as I can, allow for set backs, make the down dosing workable. We will always have bad days.

 

I also know it takes a good 3 weeks for me to adapt, and even that is not always the case. It could be less, it could be more.

 

If your feeling worse after 2 weeks into a 4 week hold, I reaffirm my initial statement, that you can experiment with a bit up, a bit down, and see if it helps get you out of that feeling. Just be conservative. Too much change, and our CNS throws a tantrum.

 

Your going to figure this out. You are doing great on your taper. Your going to feel better.

 

-Dove

Thanks Dove    Survived yesterdays hell after being convinced I was 'f**ked  for weeks to come, going to give until next week and decided whether to try going up or down in dose, feel a bit better right now, may also look at dosing 2 times a day rather than 3 , trying to not to over think it  .

 

Nova 

[[jo...]]

Hi Everyone,

It’s been a few weeks since I posted but I just wanted to say Happy New Year and I pray that our healing manifests itself to complete restoration for all of us.

 

Does anyone else feel like they are getting worse??

 

I’ve been in a terrible wave it seems since before Christmas.I spent Christmas and New Years alone, and in such pain; pretty much on my knees praying for relief. I was so sad.

 

I continue to have the burning nerve pain all over and especially my cranial nerves. I am having such a difficult time. My muscles ache from the tension and pain. It feels like electricity going through my legs. It truly feels like I am back in Acute, yet this is month 13. I’m having so much anxiety and panic attacks that just wash over me, especially in the morning. There is just this looming fear that rushes over me all through the day. I wake up I’m panic. It feels like 1000 fire ants on my legs, arms, shoulders and head. I cannot escape the pain, it just beats me down day after day. The tinnitus is still there along with my body shaking when things ramp up. I look in the mirror and it looks like I’ve aged so much. My face has wrinkled and my muscles and skin just hang off of me. I used to feel pretty and used to be in good shape. I’ve lost a lot of weight too; which is really fine but I don’t look healthy, yet labs are ok.

 

I’m not sleeping well due to the pain. My bedroom gives me ptsd because it represents pain and torment when I try to sleep. I have ice packs all around me as I try to sleep.

I pray for mercy and healing everyday and try to be positive and tell myself this is temporary. But for me, I have burned every single day for 13 months and I am exhausted mentally, spiritually and physically. I am a woman of faith, but I feel like I’m going crazy with this happening to my body non stop.

 

I’m so desperate for relief.  This is starting to give me ptsd from the trauma of it all and feeling so trapped in my body. My CNS is so sensitized. I saw someone post that they have had burning for 8 years!!! I cannot possibly go through this for 8 years!! It’s so upsetting.

I just don’t understand why it seems that I am worse. It’s so cruel. I wish I could just run and run and shed my skin. I wonder if my age is making things harder to heal?

 

My job ended a month ago ( I was severenced after working for the same company for 30 years. They shipped out jobs to the Philippines, so many people were let go. I will get severance pay for a year which I am grateful for) and I thought that perhaps not having the stress of my high stress job woukd help me heal, but it seems to make no difference.  I’ve even been to a few healing services at a church and was anointed with oil, but yet I continue to suffer so greatly. I’m starting to get health anxiety too as every sensation scares me.

 

I’m very sad and without family it’s hard. My friends think this is all anxiety and have pretty much walked away.  This platform is like my family now because you understand and I appreciate your encouragement so very much.

 

I just don’t know what I can do to help with the burning and chemical anxiety. I feel depression setting in but I still try to pull from my faith.

 

I’m tempted to ask my doc for an ssri at a low dose, just something to calm down my CNS.

I don’t know what to do.  If I could but have one day without the painful burning and fear, I would have hope.  Im just so broken down, just existing; not living.  I try to speak positive mantra and prayers and try walking each day. I don’t even want to be in my home because it is like a painful dungeon experience, so I take drives at night to get out and put my mind elsewhere.

Sometimes I just go park in a parking lot and pray and listen to the radio. I miss singing with the symphony; I had to give it up after 19 years. It breaks my heart.

 

I am thinking of each of you. I’m happy for those of you that are feeling better and for those of us still in the desert, I pray we have the angels of mercy and our healing to come soon.

Frankly, I need a miracle. I miss my beautiful life. I’ve lost myself and my confidence; I’m a shell of who I used to be.

 

I’m sending each of you big hugs!

Bless you! 💕🙏💕 

[[Fi...]]

Dear jordanjack,

 

I deeply empathize with what you are going though at this time.

 

I'm struggling myself and am grieving many aspects of my life.  I know it's temporary but I do understand how hard it is.

 

13 months still is early in the healing process though I know it feels like forever.

 

For achy muscles, I have used a homeopathic cream called Hyland Leg Cramp cream. Even though it says it's for legs, i use it on my arms and neck. You can research it on Amazon to see if it may be of help.

 

Besides the significant changes of your job ending and physical pain your are going through, I think the holidays and post holidays amplify our sorrows.  What we go through to heal from benzos is something regular folks don't understand.

 

There is still time for you.  Your jos just ended and you probably need more than a month to decompress.

 

I just wanted you to know that you are heard and seen.

 

Final Healing

 

 

 

 

[[Ho...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

I’m so desperate for relief.  This is starting to give me ptsd from the trauma of it all and feeling so trapped in my body. My CNS is so sensitized. I saw someone post that they have had burning for 8 years!!! I cannot possibly go through this for 8 years!! It’s so upsetting.

I just don’t understand why it seems that I am worse. It’s so cruel. I wish I could just run and run and shed my skin. I wonder if my age is making things harder to heal?

 

My job ended a month ago ( I was severenced after working for the same company for 30 years. They shipped out jobs to the Philippines, so many people were let go. I will get severance pay for a year which I am grateful for) and I thought that perhaps not having the stress of my high stress job woukd help me heal, but it seems to make no difference.  I’ve even been to a few healing services at a church and was anointed with oil, but yet I continue to suffer so greatly. I’m starting to get health anxiety too as every sensation scares me.

 

I’m very sad and without family it’s hard. My friends think this is all anxiety and have pretty much walked away.  This platform is like my family now because you understand and I appreciate your encouragement so very much.

 

I just don’t know what I can do to help with the burning and chemical anxiety. I feel depression setting in but I still try to pull from my faith.

 

I’m tempted to ask my doc for an ssri at a low dose, just something to calm down my CNS.

I don’t know what to do.  If I could but have one day without the painful burning and fear, I would have hope.  Im just so broken down, just existing; not living.  I try to speak positive mantra and prayers and try walking each day. I don’t even want to be in my home because it is like a painful dungeon experience, so I take drives at night to get out and put my mind elsewhere.

Sometimes I just go park in a parking lot and pray and listen to the radio. I miss singing with the symphony; I had to give it up after 19 years. It breaks my heart.

 

I am thinking of each of you. I’m happy for those of you that are feeling better and for those of us still in the desert, I pray we have the angels of mercy and our healing to come soon.

Frankly, I need a miracle. I miss my beautiful life. I’ve lost myself and my confidence; I’m a shell of who I used to be.

 

I’m sending each of you big hugs!

Bless you! 💕🙏💕

 

Hello,

I can see from your note that you are really, really in your head and that can be for us the worst place I the world! You are so overwhelmed right now, you need a way out. I'm glad to read that you've been to healing services and been anointed. Those things count. They change things; sometimes we see it right away, and sometimes not for a while, but God answers those prayers. They are precious to Him. YOU are precious to him.

 

If you think an SSRI might help, then go for it. You already know this but look for the way out, a way out, something God may be providing that you haven't picked up yet or recognized might be His help. Lord, open her eyes, if your hand is extending anything, let her see it. Speak tenderly to her. Show yourself to her once again. Surround her, lift her, wash her with your healing hand, in Jesus Name, Amen

[[jo...]]

Dear jordanjack,

 

I deeply empathize with what you are going though at this time.

 

I'm struggling myself and am grieving many aspects of my life.  I know it's temporary but I do understand how hard it is.

 

13 months still is early in the healing process though I know it feels like forever.

 

For achy muscles, I have used a homeopathic cream called Hyland Leg Cramp cream. Even though it says it's for legs, i use it on my arms and neck. You can research it on Amazon to see if it may be of help.

 

Besides the significant changes of your job ending and physical pain your are going through, I think the holidays and post holidays amplify our sorrows.  What we go through to heal from benzos is something regular folks don't understand.

 

There is still time for you.  Your jos just ended and you probably need more than a month to decompress.

 

I just wanted you to know that you are heard and seen.

 

Final Healing

 

Hi Final Healing,

Thank you so much for your kind encouragement and supportive words.

I’m so sorry that you are having to endure this and struggling as well.

It truly is so very difficult and almost inconceivable the hardships of this journey.

I try to find things I am grateful for and it is only by grace that I able to get through each day.

I appreciate the support here so very much.

 

I am going to look into the muscle cream you mentioned. I’ve been using a cbd roll on salve but it hasn’t helped much, so perhaps the cream you shared will help me as well.

 

Yes, my job was really stressful the last few years, so I bet I do need more time to decompress, and like you said, the painful burning is probably amplified as a result of my job stress, loosing the job and worrying about the future employment and the holidays.  Thank you for pointing that out about the decompressing of my stressful job. It’s been so intense this past year. I’m a programmer and had many projects, so it all just manifested into a lot of stress and uptick of symptoms. Perhaps this time off will allow my body to heal more quickly.

 

I hope that you feel much better soon and are able to find ways to soothe your symptoms and to regain      those aspects that you are missing. It’s difficult not to be able to enjoy the experiences that we treasure so much, but like you said, this is temporary, but so very difficult at times.

I am praying that you turn a corner soon.

Thank you again for your help and encouragement.

Bless you!

[[jo...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

I’m so desperate for relief.  This is starting to give me ptsd from the trauma of it all and feeling so trapped in my body. My CNS is so sensitized. I saw someone post that they have had burning for 8 years!!! I cannot possibly go through this for 8 years!! It’s so upsetting.

I just don’t understand why it seems that I am worse. It’s so cruel. I wish I could just run and run and shed my skin. I wonder if my age is making things harder to heal?

 

My job ended a month ago ( I was severenced after working for the same company for 30 years. They shipped out jobs to the Philippines, so many people were let go. I will get severance pay for a year which I am grateful for) and I thought that perhaps not having the stress of my high stress job woukd help me heal, but it seems to make no difference.  I’ve even been to a few healing services at a church and was anointed with oil, but yet I continue to suffer so greatly. I’m starting to get health anxiety too as every sensation scares me.

 

I’m very sad and without family it’s hard. My friends think this is all anxiety and have pretty much walked away.  This platform is like my family now because you understand and I appreciate your encouragement so very much.

 

I just don’t know what I can do to help with the burning and chemical anxiety. I feel depression setting in but I still try to pull from my faith.

 

I’m tempted to ask my doc for an ssri at a low dose, just something to calm down my CNS.

I don’t know what to do.  If I could but have one day without the painful burning and fear, I would have hope.  Im just so broken down, just existing; not living.  I try to speak positive mantra and prayers and try walking each day. I don’t even want to be in my home because it is like a painful dungeon experience, so I take drives at night to get out and put my mind elsewhere.

Sometimes I just go park in a parking lot and pray and listen to the radio. I miss singing with the symphony; I had to give it up after 19 years. It breaks my heart.

 

I am thinking of each of you. I’m happy for those of you that are feeling better and for those of us still in the desert, I pray we have the angels of mercy and our healing to come soon.

Frankly, I need a miracle. I miss my beautiful life. I’ve lost myself and my confidence; I’m a shell of who I used to be.

 

I’m sending each of you big hugs!

Bless you! 💕🙏💕

 

Hello,

I can see from your note that you are really, really in your head and that can be for us the worst place I the world! You are so overwhelmed right now, you need a way out. I'm glad to read that you've been to healing services and been anointed. Those things count. They change things; sometimes we see it right away, and sometimes not for a while, but God answers those prayers. They are precious to Him. YOU are precious to him.

 

If you think an SSRI might help, then go for it. You already know this but look for the way out, a way out, something God may be providing that you haven't picked up yet or recognized might be His help. Lord, open her eyes, if your hand is extending anything, let her see it. Speak tenderly to her. Show yourself to her once again. Surround her, lift her, wash her with your healing hand, in Jesus Name, Amen

 

Hi Hotcoldhotcold,

Thank you so very much for your kindness and encouraging words to me.

I appreciate your prayer so very much! So very beautiful and heartfelt; it means so much!

Yes, I truly have been inside my head feeling so overwhelmed. It’s just been so many months of the burning brain and body that it breaks me down sometimes.

 

I’m a big believer in prayer and have always had great faith, but have felt such despair in the long suffering. I ask for wisdom and mercy, praying for my restoration and healing. After so many months of praying, I sometimes feel very alone in this, but I know that’s not true and He is there. It’s only by the Lord’s grace that I have been able to get through this. I pray the Lord will show me the way and let me see it and that His tender mercies wouid be felt.

 

What beautiful faith and courage you have. You have the gift of encouragement; thank you for sharing this with me.  Thank you again for praying for me and lifting me up with your encouraging thoughts and words.

Bless you! 💕🙏💕

[[Ho...]]

Hi JJ,

I re-read your post and something else occurred to me. Some doctors have prescribed Gabapentin for the burning. Since yours has lasted waaaaaay too long, a neurologist might  consider it neuropathy and prescribe it for you. From what I'm reading, 300 mg seems to help people. You're sensitive and might need less, but I wanted to throw it out there because in my non-medical thinking, you've passed the threshold of what should be born.

 

This is just my thinking! But if your CNS has gotten supercharged and just won't settle down easily, intervention is reasonable and might just be the reverse kick it needs.

 

My neurologist told me that when he was an internist, he and the other internists would call gabapentin 'water'. The reason was the way it's metabolized; it doesn't touch the liver and so is gentler on the body than many meds. Just something to consider!

 

I'm with you, having spent a lot of time flat on my face in prayer, and learning things like taking thoughts captive, looking for His beauty around me in every day life, all around me, recognizing negative thoughts about others for what they are; unloving and untrue. So many things! But you know how it is; we think he's working in one area and low and behold, in time we see he's done something we could never have imagined in a completely different arena, and in a way we couldn't have even known to ask for.

 

We're his sheep. He knows we're frail and prone to startle and run. He's the Good Shepherd. He laid down is life for each of us. He will never, never, no never ever fail you or forsake you. Amplified has more nevers! We're both counting on that, and working to NOT buy into the lies.

 

I will read your success story. I look forward to it!

[[jo...]]

Hi JJ,

I re-read your post and something else occurred to me. Some doctors have prescribed Gabapentin for the burning. Since yours has lasted waaaaaay too long, a neurologist might  consider it neuropathy and prescribe it for you. From what I'm reading, 300 mg seems to help people. You're sensitive and might need less, but I wanted to throw it out there because in my non-medical thinking, you've passed the threshold of what should be born.

 

This is just my thinking! But if your CNS has gotten supercharged and just won't settle down easily, intervention is reasonable and might just be the reverse kick it needs.

 

My neurologist told me that when he was an internist, he and the other internists would call gabapentin 'water'. The reason was the way it's metabolized; it doesn't touch the liver and so is gentler on the body than many meds. Just something to consider!

 

I'm with you, having spent a lot of time flat on my face in prayer, and learning things like taking thoughts captive, looking for His beauty around me in every day life, all around me, recognizing negative thoughts about others for what they are; unloving and untrue. So many things! But you know how it is; we think he's working in one area and low and behold, in time we see he's done something we could never have imagined in a completely different arena, and in a way we couldn't have even known to ask for.

 

We're his sheep. He knows we're frail and prone to startle and run. He's the Good Shepherd. He laid down is life for each of us. He will never, never, no never ever fail you or forsake you. Amplified has more nevers! We're both counting on that, and working to NOT buy into the lies.

 

I will read your success story. I look forward to it!

 

Hi Hotcoldhotcold,

Thank you so much for reaching back out to me. I believe in all Gods promises as well. This is why I’m having such a difficult time as I call on those scriptures and speak them out loud, yet I’m still suffering so greatly.

 

Interesting that you mentioned the gabapentin; my doc prescribed it to me to help with the nerve pain.

Im on 900 mg. It sort of helps take the edge off, but the burning still busts through, especially around my dosage time. I take 300 3x per day to stack it so it stays in my system. Sometimes it doesn’t work at all. I don’t want to go up in dosage and didn’t want to take it but I had to have something in order to function.

 

The burning brain and body feels like barb wire rubbing against my body, or sitting out in 4 feet of freezing snow with no clothes; it’s hard to describe the incomprehensible pain. Another BB is going through the same thing but worse, and he is 18 months off.

 

It’s crazy what these poisons do to us. I only took 0.25 Xanax for 3 months and tried to taper for 4 months and could hardly come down because of the horrible burning. I ended up going to detox to get it out of my system so it was basically like a CT. My doc wouldn’t cross me over to Valium. I’ve gotten horrible advice, and my doc never warned me about the Xanax. It’s my fault for not researching it..

 

I’ve been to prayer meetings and been anointed with oil, in fact I sent to one this weekend, truly hoping for my deliverance. Today has been really hard as it seems like my body is back in acute.

I’ve heard that symptoms can really ramp up towards the end; I pray that is what is happening to me.

I just don’t understand how I can still be suffering so greatly in month 13.

 

I have been on my knees daily and would crawl 100 miles to touch to hem of his garment for healing Judy like the woman in the Bible. Thr Lord knows all and just one touch from the Master and I could be healed. I’m broken hearted that it hasn’t happened for me; (yet) but I am grateful for mercies, and for a roof over my head, insurance, salary, friends that pray for me, and many other things, including buddies like you who pray and help me.

Thank you so much. Please keep sending me your uplifting messages and reminders of God’s presence and promises. I truly am just hanging on wheh the pain is severe.

Bless you with so much love,

🙏💕

[[Ho...]]

Hi JJ,

I saw your reference to the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' robe and was healed. I love the passage because he was pressed on all sides by people, but he felt the healing power go out of him with her touch. He didn't feel anything with all the others.

 

Many times I prayed and asked "Where is your robe? I want to touch it but I can't find it." A friend of mine who lives in Columbia has been a support to me. She and her husband are in full-time Christian work at a seminary. I told her and she said, "What a beautiful prayer." It was a desperate prayer, the prayer of a soul who is reaching and reaching and not finding. Then one day as I was driving, someone on the radio started talking about that passage. I have NO idea why, but I knew at that moment that I was healed. At first I was over the moon with joy and felt wonderful. Then still over the moon but not wonderful!

 

Nevertheless I know when God smiles a yes, and that was a yes from Him. I have held on to that and as time goes by, still hold onto it. When my strength was failing, I 'happened' to read an online Bible Study that spoke of God's promise of a son to Abraham and of course Sara. For years—seventeen, I think—nothing. You know the story; they thought God needed a little help and Hagar bore a son. Nope, that wasn't the son. At an impossible time, Isaac was born. No one could say it wasn't the hand of God, because Sara was way past the time she could really bear children.

 

So the lesson to me was, wait for it. It's coming. Abraham had to wait and so do I. So do you. Hard as that is many days, I'm waiting and still believing. I want it now! I'm shocked it's gone on so long and the agony was so relentless. But I will trust him for what I cannot understand, because if I could understand I would know the mysteries of the world. I am too small for that. I know it. But I am not too small to wait. I think I am! He doesn't. So I wait. I wait with you, I wait with all of those who struggle and suffer and feel like a shell of what they once were. All those who believe God is good even when their lives are shattered. God put Job back together. God is in the life-giving business. So what he takes away, he gives back mended, better than before.

 

I think of a passage in Revelations where one of the archangels had been dispatched by God in answer to prayer, but was prevented by a great heavenly battle. But come, he did! I wonder if there isn't a great heavenly battle now. Every prayer counts. Every step of faith. God will not fail because he can't, and greater is he that is in you than he who is in the world.  Your healing comes apace. God hasn't failed you.

 

Like you I long for the day when I'm on the other side of this. The Holy Spirit tells me that day comes. I believe for you, too! I am no one special. What he does for one, he will do for the other. It comes!!

 

 

 

[[wa...]]

The threads on here may be helpful http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=66.0

 

WBB