You will heal too!

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Cedar - thank you so much for sticking by us thru this.

 

did you have depression as a s/x and has that gotten better, too?

 

how about high bp?

thanks so much

 

i will be off a year next month.

Hi Pan.

Yeah, I had severe depression most of my life, but the depression I experienced  during withdrawal was the darkest of all.  It's amazing, but I do not suffer from depression at all now.  I also have no anxiety, except during normal stress situations.  No panic attacks either.  I believe the drugs caused all of these issues to be worse than they would have been otherwise. 

 

High bp, I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was.  My heart was going a million miles an hour all the time while I was tapering and afterward for many months.  Like it was on high speed.

 

Congrats on your year off celebration next month!  That's a huge milestone.  Hope your symptoms improve a lot by then.   

[Guest [...]]

Cedartree

 

today is another day and its great I can feel the healing.  Hope you are wonderful.

 

Love to you

 

Lizzy

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Cedartree

 

today is another day and its great I can feel the healing.  Hope you are wonderful.

 

Love to you

 

Lizzy

You had a good day?  That's wonderful Lizzy!!!  I am so glad.

 

Hugs to you!!!           

 

[[tu...]]

cedartree:  thanks for all the helpful information.  i read the thread on insomnia you posted as well (wonderful tips) - thanks.  you are wonderful.  i am so thankful for all the nice people like you that come back to offer encouragement.  reading about your dark days and knowing that you found your way out is the exact thing that gives me hope that i will find my way out too.  thank you for being here for us from the bottom of my heart.

 

p.s. needed the encouragement today.  i went jogging this morning.  pushed myself a little too hard and got really fatigued and tripped and crashed on my chin (blood everywhere).  i am so sore tonight as i right this.  think i pulled some muscles in my forearms trying to break my fall.  it was almost comical.  my husband joked that i took a "trip" this memorial day weekend - ha ha. only it wasn't funny for my body.

[[pr...]]

i,m shaking.  I want to cry.  I think my physical symptoms are getting better but my mental symptoms are getting worse.  I am am more anxious now.  Can't sleep.  More fearful.  Talked with Isabel and things were better.  I lay down for sleep and It starts.  I don't know if I am strong enough for what ever is going on with me.  I fear the hospital is on the way.

[[tu...]]

praying4hope:  i had those nights also (back in the winter) & i too thought that might be where i would end up.  i thought i was losing my mind.  it was so scary having those feelings for no reason (out of the blue).  it wasn't me.  it did pass though.  while i occassionally get some anxiety it is very mild compared to then and i am able to mostly stop it in its tracks.  i had intrusive thoughts then also.  it was a scary time.  my advice would be to learn ways to cope until you are through this part of it.  the book hope and help for your nerves by claire weekes and benzo wise by bliss fredrickson helped me immensely.  i also was helped with remembering (and it was difficult when i was in the throes of things) that i was NOT this way before the Ambien.  it is frightening what a foreign chemical in the body can do.  the power it has.  that being said, only you know your true emotional state and if you need emotional help you should seek it.  there is no shame in that and you would not be the first person on these boards to seek it.  but, if you feel it is right for you, try these others things as well.  don't give up.  as your name states "pray" and i am sure you do.  i know i do.  it helps.  even in the darkest of hours i knew i was in God's hands.  who knows why we have to endure the things we do, but we are here and have to find/fight our way out of this place.  it can be done as cedartree and others promise.  have heart it will be okay.  all of us here will support you on the journey. 

[[pr...]]

Turtlegirl,

 

Thanks.  I appreciate your support.  Having some bad memories of trying this same route 2 times before and ending up in the hospital.

I didn't have the supports I have now though.  Maybe I will look into those books.  Reading is not a strong point right now.

 

God Bless You,

 

David

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Ah David, I felt like running to the hospital a million times too, but what do you think the hospital will do for you at this point?  If you go to an ER they will give you medications period.  And do a lot of tests that are most likely unnecessary.  Are you thinking of going inpatient?  They will give you meds there too.  I literally looked at my home as my hospital and could do nothing but wait it out on the really bad/ scary days.  Only you know for sure if it's something you have to do. 

 

I'm sorry it's so rough right now. Just stay safe and take extra good care of yourself. This does pass with time.

 

Hugs,

Cedar

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yes that's true iam suffering and i went er more times before in the first months they didn't help and they didn't know what couz that its hard for all of us but we need to pray and wait its all about time ,and like all success stories here it will go away and will enjoy the life like normal we need to be stronger and pass this test .god with u all .

[[ce...]]

yes that's true iam suffering and i went er more times before in the first months they didn't help and they didn't know what couz that its hard for all of us but we need to pray and wait its all about time ,and like all success stories here it will go away and will enjoy the life like normal we need to be stronger and pass this test .god with u all .

Hi Hoda. Hope you have a good day today. Great post! 

[[pr...]]

Thanks Hoda and Cedar tree.

 

I know if I go there to the er it will take a couple of weeks if not longer for the meds to kick in if they do at that time.  I really want to be off those &^)(*&^ THINGS.  I am off them.  I should have tapered the sertraline and the topiramate.  Instead I c/t them because I "thought" I was having an allergic reaction with tingeing in my arms.  I should have waited 6 months after the tapper of Lorazepam.  That was the plan I had with my GP and my Psych.  I got better off the Lorazepam and now several months out I feel worse.  I think my muscles ARE relaxing but anxiety and shivering and intrusive thoughts are very bad.  Along with that darn insomnia. 

 

Thanks for your reassurance.

God Bless You Both,

 

David

[Guest [CM...]]

Thank you Cedar. You've been a real light!

I'm grateful to have you here on BB sharing your stories, you are a true inspiration!

Melo x

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thx cedartree u the one give me the way to fight this thing , iam doing ok just waiting the days , and david  be stronger trust me man u will be ok just make ur brain busy iknow what u feel couz ihave it all what u need time and faith , like cedartree shes good bow after all the hell she had so keep fight buddy  and remember this is lesson for all of us and we will be stronger more and more after we pass that iwill be here tell we all be good and normal again .

[[pr...]]

Hoda,

 

Thanks for the encouragement friend.  I am playing Mahjong.  One more new distraction.  How in the world does the brain heal on only so little sleep.  Maybe just be the grace of God.

 

Your post is encouraging.

 

God Bless You,

 

David

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thx david , yea its gift from god that the brain heal with him self  after all what igot from this meds thats tell me it was wrong to take this mds or any kind of depressing mids like i said that's a big lesson and we will pass that iam personal trainer i train more that's make me busy and help the blood circle in my brain eat and drink every thing natural .and remember that we all same and we will pass that .

[[Re...]]

Hi Cedar,

 

Congrats on being healed. I was just wondering which benzo you were taking, how much and how long you took to taper.

 

Remmie

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Hi Remmie.  I was taking Ativan and Ambien.  Tapered over the course of approx. 9-10 months.  Looks like you're doing a slow taper of Xanax.  I hope it goes well for you after all that you've been through with these rotten drugs.

 

Big hugs,

Cedar

[[Re...]]

Hi Cedar,

Thanks for replying. I was just wondering after you c/t how long it took you to reinstate and if you stabilized before your taper. I kinda c/t.

I started my taper 3 weeks later. I don't think I stabilized.

Could you, if you don't mind, talk to me about that?

 

Remmie

[[ce...]]

Sure Remmie. Happy to talk. I was off Klonopin for 3 days when I wound up in the ER having serious symptoms and was switched to Ativan. My doctor felt I should be on Ativan instead because it's not as strong.

 

I never stabilized at all.  I knew that there was no way out of these symptoms except to do a long slow taper.  It's my belief that I was in a serious tolerance withdrawal after having been on various forms of benzo's for about 13 years.  I was up to 4 mg's K a day.  Years before I'd been taking up to 10 mgs. Xanax a day which is outrageous. 

 

I really do want to encourage you that doing a slow taper is the right thing to do.  It's the first step to getting really well.  Once you are off, after your taper, you will begin to heal.  I know it's misery right now, but please know this can be done. 

 

 

[[Re...]]

Cedar,

 

I was reading several of your symptoms and that you had those during your taper.

I tried to post a tapering question thing but I didn't get a lot of replies. It was probably lame.

I'm having some of those symptoms already and I just started my taper. (not including the higher dosage I was at before though, maybe 4mg+), but since my siesure thing. I don't know if that has anything to do with it but it's really freaking me out. I keep reading and trying to find other people's symptoms, but it seems like they have the same one's I'm having at a lot lower dosage. I just started!!!

Do you remember how bad your symptoms were when you first started your taper?

 

Remmie

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http://www.picgifs.com/graphics/l/love/graphics-love-862871.gif xoxo

[[ce...]]

http://www.picgifs.com/graphics/l/love/graphics-love-862871.gif xoxo

Hi Skyy.  Praying for you!

xxx 

[[ce...]]

Remmie, my symptoms were just horrific when I started tapering.  That's the whole reason I did a taper at all. I had to learn the hard way because my doctor misinformed me.  He felt I could just stop taking the Klonopin and in a week or two I'd be fine.  I don't know why he would tell me this.

 

What symptoms are you having right now?

[[Re...]]

After the siesure thing, my brain hurt for like a week.

I reinstated at 2.5

I still had heavy heart palps, torso tremors, no appetite; but I felt the sedation. After about 2-3 weeks I started getting tolerant, panicked, than started tapering.

After I made my first cut I clock watched till my next dose, heart palps, torso tremor thing, no appetite. A few days after cut I'd have just shear terror all night, shaking.

I made three .125 cuts. The last .125 I held for more than a week and felt better, so I decided to cut .0625. I'll start my symptoms from here. I take 4 doses cause i get interdose withdrawals.  Heart palps (mostly in am), teeth hurt (mostly at night), torso tremor thing (at times), my muscles were twitching all day Thurs (freaky), tingling in legs at night, light and sound sensitivity at times, anxiety, shaky at times, and my newest I feel like the top of my head is frozen, tingly. And one day during the week I felt drunk, couldn't even drive.

 

Remmie

 

Remmie

 

 

[[ce...]]

Ah Remmie. I can understand what you are going through. This is withdrawal and that's all there is to it.  It's misery I know.  I hope you know that you will heal in time.  Keep that in mind everyday.

 

Hugs to you!

 

Cedar