4-6 month club. How are you doing?

[[Ch...]]

Hi Elsie,

 

Welcome to the 6 month out still feeling like crap club.  I can't wait for all of us to feel better.  Hang in there!

[[re...]]

Hey to my fellow suffers. Just want to say I applaud you all in your efforts to be benzo free.

I am sad to see others suffering but also feel relief to know that my healing process is not so different than others.

 

Today I was in bed till 4pm, then shoved myself out of the door. Went to the mall. It was like Alice in Wonderland. I felt so strange and he dp/dr was crazy crazy. Driving was a challenge once it got dark. I just kept breathing and telling myself I am healing, its just wd.

 

Yesterday I was in a glorious mental window, felt like ME. This process is just brutal.

 

Hope my fellow "6 monthers" have a good night. Thinking of you all.

[[no...]]

Hello, my peeps. it was a long long 11 hour marathon of a day, so I am too trashed too say anything coherent, but wanted to post that, along with all of you- made it another day!!

Thanks Bryan- I am taking the words to heart. Will post more after attempting to sleep.

To our continued recoveries!

Susan

[[WT...]]

Glad you had a mental window, RFB -- I really need one myself.

[[Sc...]]

I am fast approaching the 6 month mark, and I wish I had better news.  It's not all bad...there are improvements.  But every day at some point I feel so "flu-like".  My legs ache, I still suffer from a lot of bouts of nausea, lack of appetite, lack of thirst, fears/panic (although general anxiety is MUCH less), and just this overall "off" feeling inside and out. 

 

Just needing to "let it out" today.  Lots of tears this week.  I have had some descent moments - it's not all bad.  I'm not housebound by any means, so I am fortunate for that...But including hitting tolerance w/d, this has been a 2+ years process and I'm just so worn out some days. 

 

Thank you for listening...we are getting there...like others say, "It's another day of w/d we don't ever have to see again".  Another day down, more to go. 

 

Love to all,

Schatje

[[...]]

hi buddios - i am at about six and a half months.  month 6 was terrible for me; it blew my mind actually - so much anx whereas before that my nights were sort of calm.  in month 7 now it's better.  i had a 100% me day and i was on top of the world.  still get hit. woke up today feeling so sick and nervous i just cry in bed darn it all. 

i have depression issues and worry about how many years i was on ad's.  i am really praying that i can get rid of the dep.  i am hoping it is a s/x and not me.  it has been moderate and not severe lately tho.

one thing that is better is the dr/dp thing.  that drove me nuts and was brutal for me.  now i'm kind of out of it at times but not that strangeness.  that really scared me boy

i am praying hard for us everyday.

when i am in a window all my fears that i won't get well seem silly to me so i hold on to that awareness.

love you all.  could not have made it to this point with out u guys.

back to the classroom tomorrow.  keep me in your prayers if u can.  thanks so much

 

[[br...]]

Prayer sent, Pan. Hold onto that improvement. It's a sign of things to come!

[[re...]]

Lifting you up in prayer Pan. Hope today is a good day.

 

I know what you mean about a good day then wham! I had a blessed day full of joy yesterday. Today I am consumed with mental anxiety. It is a roller coaster for sure. But we will all heal and the ups and downs will stop. Then we can deal with "just life," instead of life in benzo wd!

 

[[Sc...]]

Thinking of you all...hoping you are doing well, Pan. 

 

 

[[...]]

Hi All,

 

I'd like to join you if that's okay. I just hit 5 months off on 1/9. I have had some great runs, but the last 11 days I have found myself in an unrelenting wave.

 

I was wondering if any of you have actually FELT something change in your head/brain and then the head sxs are there. I have experienced this twice now. Once when the sxs was going and I felt something click/change in my head and all of a sudden I felt normal and everything was clear again and then now again this morning after waking up for the first time in 10 days not feeling like crap - I felt something click in my head about 1.5 hours after waking and now my head sxs are there again.

 

it's very strange and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

[[Sc...]]

Hi All,

 

I'd like to join you if that's okay. I just hit 5 months off on 1/9. I have had some great runs, but the last 11 days I have found myself in an unrelenting wave.

 

I was wondering if any of you have actually FELT something change in your head/brain and then the head sxs are there. I have experienced this twice now. Once when the sxs was going and I felt something click/change in my head and all of a sudden I felt normal and everything was clear again and then now again this morning after waking up for the first time in 10 days not feeling like crap - I felt something click in my head about 1.5 hours after waking and now my head sxs are there again.

 

it's very strange and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

 

Hi Amy,  welcome to "the club".  lol

 

I personally haven't experienced what you have...for me I feel other physical things though that "tell me" something is going to change.  I'll be filled w/ a heaviness in my chest and stomach and I'll know things may worsen.  And I get crazy amounts of saliva.  That's my big sign things may not be good that day.  So many strange things can happen during the healing process. 

 

I have been in a 2 month unrelenting wave.  I get mini breaks..but they are very mini.  My hope is that my body is working overtime to heal so that hopefully I see some BIG improvement in the next month or 2.  THAT would be great! 

 

Hang in there and congrats for coming this far.  We are WELL on our way to full recovery.

 

Hugs,

Schatje

[[...]]

Hi All,

 

I'd like to join you if that's okay. I just hit 5 months off on 1/9. I have had some great runs, but the last 11 days I have found myself in an unrelenting wave.

 

I was wondering if any of you have actually FELT something change in your head/brain and then the head sxs are there. I have experienced this twice now. Once when the sxs was going and I felt something click/change in my head and all of a sudden I felt normal and everything was clear again and then now again this morning after waking up for the first time in 10 days not feeling like crap - I felt something click in my head about 1.5 hours after waking and now my head sxs are there again.

 

it's very strange and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

 

Hi AmyA!  I am just a little over a month and 2 weeks off, so I shouldn't be writing on this thread...but I saw this and had to reply...very early on when I had my first and only real 100% windows I felt something change in my brain right before the window...like a feeling of warmth or circulation or pressure change around my forehead.  Others have reported similar feelings, but it does not happen to everybody.

[[WT...]]

Hi All,

 

I'd like to join you if that's okay. I just hit 5 months off on 1/9. I have had some great runs, but the last 11 days I have found myself in an unrelenting wave.

 

I was wondering if any of you have actually FELT something change in your head/brain and then the head sxs are there. I have experienced this twice now. Once when the sxs was going and I felt something click/change in my head and all of a sudden I felt normal and everything was clear again and then now again this morning after waking up for the first time in 10 days not feeling like crap - I felt something click in my head about 1.5 hours after waking and now my head sxs are there again.

 

it's very strange and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

 

When I go into a full on window, I feel as though there is a rush of something in my brain, and everything morphs into normality!  It's like a switch is flipped, and is if w/d never actually happened.  It's that good!  It's like the receptors decide to work for a while.  When the window leaves, it's not as dramatic or quick.

[[re...]]

Hi fellow warriors. I am in a wave. Its pretty nasty. Woke up with it. Old sx came back. Sigh. I trust a another window will come my way.

 

 

How is everyone else doing?

[[no...]]

same here. Sitting at work feeling very much"the I can't cope" vulnerability, angst, and like on the constant verge of panic. Thoughts are of the what if variety, and dread/doom. Sigh. Feeling heavy. Just total emotional instability. Just trying to keep head above water, keep showing up for class/work, but have some big events coming up requiring more than just showing up.

Have seen so many people that were here when I started, not here anymore. Feeling like this is me, and what do I do now not to lose what I have.

[[Al...]]

Hi all,

I haven't posted in awhile. I have been too sick. I do get on and read. I posted yesterday about double vision. That was scary. I know I have made progress because I no longer pace the floor 24/7. I am now getting some broken sleep. I am still pretty much incapacitated by this w/d but try to remain hopeful that this will be a year of healing. It was great to read that some have had such good windows. That is encouraging. (the computer screen is blurry to me). Thinking of you and praying for healing for all of us.

 

 

[[Sc...]]

Hi all,

I haven't posted in awhile. I have been too sick. I do get on and read. I posted yesterday about double vision. That was scary. I know I have made progress because I no longer pace the floor 24/7. I am now getting some broken sleep. I am still pretty much incapacitated by this w/d but try to remain hopeful that this will be a year of healing. It was great to read that some have had such good windows. That is encouraging. (the computer screen is blurry to me). Thinking of you and praying for healing for all of us.

 

Hi Alexa,

 

Glad to hear from you!  I am sorry things have been so rough.  What s/x have you experienced since your c/t?  I am glad you are seeing some improvements.  I did a taper, and at 6 months out I still have some very difficult times, so I can only imagine what you go through at times.  I have had some mild blurred vision since coming off, but it seldom happens now. 

 

Hang in there...this can be a painfully slow process, but we do all heal in the end.

 

Hugs,

Schatje

[[re...]]

Hey fellow sufferers,

 

I read the lasts few posts and I am sorry healing is not happening as fast as we want it to.

I take comfort in knowing that I am not the only one whose life is upside down due to wd, as selfish as that sounds.

 

Hope we all turn a corner soon.

My window was glorious. I want another one!

 

[[Un...]]

6 months next week.  Was feeling fantastic these last 2 weeks while drinking my nightly Sleepy Time Extra Tea with Valerian root.  Since then I discovered to NOT do Valerian root.  Stopped Friday and as of Sunday went backwards on my healing.  Might go back on the Tea since it is natural and made me feel 100% me again.  Now I have anxiety again, food sensitivity, being dizzy, and having random sharp shooting pains in head and eyes.  Doing better then 5 months ago but still not where I want to be.  Fighting on. 

[[br...]]

North,

 

Hang in there. You're still not quite to the time-frame where most people start seeing real healing. But, you're close! I know how hard it is.

Don't forget to work organically on your fears and anxiety, as well. I think you are like me in that you fear your anxiety greatly. I've made big strides since losing some of the fear. (I still have a LONG way to go, and still have suffering but making progress.)

Prayers are with you. You WILL get better. You won't believe how good it feels to get those windows.

 

Unreal,

 

I used Valerian tea early in WD and I think it was a mistake. Think it set off a big wave after about a week of use. But, it could have just been that I was due for a wave, anyway.  If it was me... I might just drink it occasionally. Though, I will say... the sleepytime tea has much less than the kind I was using. You can also try the regular sleepytime without Valerian.

 

Glad to hear you've had some windows! Hang on.

 

 

 

I'm doing OK. Lots of life problems, unfortunately. (Marital and otherwise.)  So, my stress level is being challenged and I think that is more my problem than WD right now. But, I'm technically 7 or 8 months out... and believe me, there is a BIG difference between 4/5 months... and 7/8 months. I don't care who you are, almost 100% of people would agree with that statement.

 

Just taking it day by day, moment by moment. Time is on our side. Every tick of the clock gets us closer. Don't focus on the big picture, though. Just know you're OK and focus on getting through the moment and enjoying whatever you can in your day.

 

A huge percentage of suffering is the stories we tell ourselves. It's so hard in WD not to, but we all just need to remember that our bodies are strong. Our bodies will be FINE.  Our brains will be fine. It's our consciousness that we're dealing with, in reality.

 

Prayers and love to all of you guys.  Be well.

[[...]]

believe me, there is a BIG difference between 4/5 months... and 7/8 months. I don't care who you are, almost 100% of people would agree with that statement.

 

Bryan, I so hope this is true!!!! I'm just 1 1/2 months off....so long time to go, but I can do this...I just need windows or at least glimpses of the old me to keep going...

[[br...]]

believe me, there is a BIG difference between 4/5 months... and 7/8 months. I don't care who you are, almost 100% of people would agree with that statement.

 

Bryan, I so hope this is true!!!! I'm just 1 1/2 months off....so long time to go, but I can do this...I just need windows or at least glimpses of the old me to keep going...

 

Yeah, and I guess I'm not officially a member of this thread anymore, being past 6 months. But, I'm trying to hang around a bit to give some input. As I said, I'm not healed completely... but I think I'm close to being my old (anxious) self... instead of the drug-impaired, damaged self I was a few months back.

 

Put it this way... my jump date (officially) was June 11th, but I really quit taking daily doses May 4th.  June was hell. July might have been worse. Aug/Sept were hell'ish, but had glimpses of normalcy. October showed signs of improvement, but were still very, very rough.

 

I also had major waves in November, and December.

 

So, 4-6 months for me were no walk in the park. It was not fun.  The last 60 days (minus a 10 day wave or so) have felt much better, though. Still lots of anxiety, but the OLD kind. The kind I had pre-benzo. The kind I know I can defeat. Not the hopeless, helpless... weak kind with depression, body fatigue and just general hopelessness.

 

I feel anxious today, but I feel stronger. I'm working out more, I'm walking and jogging farther. I feel like winning the mental and physical war, even if I don't win all of the battles. (I still have days where I have to reach out for support.)

 

But, YES.... a couple months can make a very big difference. We're all different. You may heal completely in a month or so, or you may need more time. For me, it's been VERY choppy and VERY slow, especially considering I was only on a tiny dose of Xanax for about 8 months. I also tapered at a snail's pace. But, still got blasted.

 

Hang in there. Like I said, go moment by moment. Try not to let the stories get the best of you. You CAN handle the pain and suffering.... it's the stories that make it unbearable, I believe. ("How long will this last, will I ever get better, can I do this?")  We ALL tell ourselves those stories. It's part of healing. But, remember... they're just stories.

 

One day, you're going to look back... and you won't even remember what those stories felt like. You'll remember them, but the FEELING and the impact of what they meant at the time will be gone. You won't be able to recall it.  It's sort of like childbirth. Women go through this awful experience, and then do it again later. It's like our brains just eventually delete the pain files.

 

It'll happen for all of us. I'm positive of that. But, outside of time... I do also think it takes work. We all need to work on healing our minds and spirits. This IS a trauma. We need to see it that way, and understand that it's going to pass.

 

Be well.

 

 

 

[[...]]

Thank you Bryan!  I just feel so hopeless...just today I had a resurgence of some symptoms that had left me a while back...but I guess that's how this works...I can't wait to feel like me again! I am encouraged by your words!!!

[[br...]]

Thank you Bryan!  I just feel so hopeless...just today I had a resurgence of some symptoms that had left me a while back...but I guess that's how this works...I can't wait to feel like me again! I am encouraged by your words!!!

 

Glad to help. I'd also suggest reading some success stories. There are lots. (All stories end in success, some just take longer than others.)

 

Also, getting outside helped me a lot early-on. Do what you can to get some fresh air, walk, sun, etc.

 

Prayers and thoughts with you.

 

[Guest [Tu...]]

I'm at 4.5 months and doing just fine. I get some transient anxiety from time to time, but basically I feel about 80 percent healed. I waited for the dreaded four-month wave and it never showed. So, I am now waiting for the dreaded five-month wave. We'll see what happens. I haven't had but one really bad wave and it was for about six days prior to Thanksgiving Day and three to four days after, or in the middle of the last week of November. It's been seven, eight weeks now and so far, so good.

 

I had "brain buzz" forever and I just realized I haven't heard it in weeks! That was, for me, by far the worst symptom. My brain would just emit low-level electrical buzz-like sounds 24 hours a day. It slowly began to decrease in early December and I hadn't even thought about it until just now!

 

No d/p, no d/r, no physical symptoms. I hope I am one of the "lucky" ones who had a relatively easy time getting off. I'd think that 14 years of regular use would have left me in tatters for months (and I was prepared for 9-12 months!), but, hey, I'll take the way I'm feeling now over how I was 60 days ago!

 

Hang in there. Recovery is a combination of personal physiological chemistry, luck, and most of all, just pushing through the hard, hard days and getting TIME behind you, one sloooowwww day at a time! There IS hope!

 

Tucson