4-6 month club. How are you doing?

[[2w...]]

The beginning of this week was very overwhelming mentally. I too have a lot of fatigue, but I seem to be able to handle that

better than the wave of emotions that come over me. I ordered a book about dbt and I'm working on how to regulate my

emotions better. I know that if I don't learn how to cope w/out the benzos, this process could go on a long, long time.

 

I've also realized this week how many of my relationships are very toxic. Now that I'm clean of benzos, effexor xr and so many

other rx meds, I found that most people either use pills, alcohol or pot to deal w/ their stress/pain/trauma or just life in general.

I pray that I will never have to use anything to cope again, but I'm finding it hard to be around family/friends who use these

drugs. Their personalities change so drastically and I think I was able to block it out w/ benzos, but not now. I'm planning on

going to al-anon when I'm ready for support. I hope it is the support I need. Not sure when I will feel ready to go.

 

W/d Symptoms this week:

Back pain

Morning headaches

High blood pressure

Restless legs

Achy arms

Moodiness

emotional instability

Anger

Resurfacing of old emotions (possible ptsd)

Having to look at bad behaviors/reactions while on benzos

 

Hope everyone has a healthy and peaceful New Year!

 

Hi Lou,

 

I'm sorry this has been a kind of emotional rollercoaster week for you.  I think you are doing just the right thing to find ways to deal with stresses that don't involve meds.  After all there will always be stresses in life.  Its funny how we can see people deal with things through drugs much easier now that we are looking through med free eyes.

 

We had a rough night last night. We almost lost our daughter in law during the c-section to deliver our first granddaughter.  She started to hemorrage and they tried many things to stop it and even transfused 4 pints of blood.  They finally had to do an emergency hysterectomy.  The baby is fine.  It was touch and go overnight but our daughter in law is fine today.  It was so hard to help our son out, he was so distraught, because they live on the east coast.  I thank God that both of them will be fine.

 

I ended up sick this week.  I tend to lump all symptoms into wd and have had an earache for weeks it seems. I finally went to the doctor and had an ear infection and sinus infection.  I slept a bunch for the last 2 days and finally feel better, I think some of my aches and pains were due to the infection.

 

I am ready to leave 2011 behind for sure and move closer to healing every day in the new year.  I wish that for you as well.

 

 

Love and Hugs,

 

pianogirl

 

[move]Have a Peaceful and Healing New Year!![/move]

Hi pianogirl,

 

I'm so sorry your daughter in-law had such a difficult delivery. It is a blessing that she and baby are both resting and healthy.

I'm sure this has been a very stressful week. I'm so sorry on top of it all you have an ear and sinus infection. I will

say a prayer for you tonight and hope that you will be feeling better very soon.

 

We are home tonight, having a quiet New Year's eve........here keeping our dogs mellow. I had a rough morning and afternoon,

it's been mostly emotional stuff lately and headaches. I'm hoping that I can figure out what's making the mornings so

rough, but I'm not going to make any changes yet. I see my doc on Tuesday.........we'll see what he says.

 

Happy New Year pianogirl ! Thanks for your friendship !

Love and Hugs,

Lou

 

[[...]]

north - that is so funny how toy story triggered you because i just tivo'ed toy story 3 and it upset me.  i'm pretty sensitive anyway but during this i really can't take much

 

 

oh music girl - oh my goodness!  what an ordeal to exp in w/d!!  i am so glad thing are ok now.  Phew!!!

 

i'm in month 7 so hope i still stay on this thread.  month 6 was brutal; and here in 7 i have days with little or no anxiety and good windows.  little waves of anx and dr/dp.  the dr/dp is the most disturbing for me and the depression.

i sure do know what everyone is going thru tho

 

i love alanon; it's a great program; powerful tools for growth;

luv u all

thanks for being there

[[no...]]

Ok- so, I decide to do a little cooking today, going to do a bbq pulled pork thing in the crockpot. Easy enough, right? I thought so. made a cranberry apple pie, got the bbq going.  At dinner tonight- my husband starts to take the meat out of the crockpot to slice it.

Uh, he pulls out that thing they put under the meat- between it and the styrofoam. Seems I didn't see it attached to the meat.

Oh benzobuddies, I know I will look back on these days at some point and this may be amusing, but right now I just feel so mentally incompetent.

The terror still raging in my head leaves little room for common sense and focus.

[[St...]]

Ah Susan! You WILL look back on this and laugh one day. I'm doing good this weekend if my skin would quit crawling all over me. Your sense of humor gives me the feeling you may be feeling a little better. I sure hope so!

[[re...]]

Stevie

I have the buzzing crawling tingly weird skin from head to toe most days. I LOVE it when I get a window away from it.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

 

Susan,

it gets better. We ALL have stories of silly things we did in wd. I still have a very bad memory which makes for some fun experiences.

[[...]]

hey honey at least you're not at the movies seeing that new movie flyhorse.  we CANNOT go see that movie.  i heard it is great but it would tear our little selves up.

keep holding on baby.  this too shall pass.  just keep putting those days together...

[[Ma...]]

Feel really bad. Two nights of hell. Sinuses killing me. Don't know what to do.

MY whole body shakes and feel very cold like high fever but is not. Anxiety very high. Unreal headache last night. I though I am dying. I had lot of problems but what is this. I think something is wrong with me. Usually I don't have problems at night except few times. And sinus problem have since the end of my taper so more then 4 months.

Anyone with sinus problems?

I am so scared. I feel I will never be well again.

Sorry for being so negative.

Marry

 

[[Ma...]]

Just one more question. If someone have/had sinus problems did you just wait and knew it is w/d?

[[no...]]

I have herd of people having sinus probs, mine was just this weird odd smell up in my sinuses. I think Stevie had it too? it was sporadic. There are so many odd things that happen in this process. I am thinking you should get the book Benzo-Wise. If you haven't already. It helps put things into perspective.

For me today the fear is still there. ARGH. It flares up into buzzing panis every now and then. The dizziness is back a bit as well, and am finding it hard to hit the correct keys as I write this. All that had gone away weeks ago. I still have a hard time accepting that w/d can get worse as time goes on, or go away entirely then come back.

Looking for success stories today from those who have dealt with an onset of fear about going out alone during w/d. Tomorrow must take daughter three hours away to dr for post surgery appt, and then wed. its back to work after a Xmas break. My downward spiral happened after I was on break. Hoping if can get myself there it will start to get better, that maybe I crashed with no outside distraction. so tired of my constant analyzing.

Sense of humor about all I have left. I noticed I also left the top of the bbq sauce in the crockpot. My family was afraid to eat the pie I made, but it was ok and is now almost gone.

I have not had the skin crawling that I know of, just more internal crazy restless antsy. Don't want to think about it, I'll probably conjure it up! Been mastering that art lately.

You guys keep posting, you hear? Its what keeps me feeling, and maybe others, connected, since my support here thinks its 4 months, and the w/d excuse is over.

Have a strong day! Susan

[[Sc...]]

Hi Marry,

 

I have had sinus problems off/on the entire time since jumping.  I always read about the sinus issues and was thankful I didn't have them...but I spoke too soon because after being off of benzos for 1 month, I got hit with it.  And I wonder like you...when do I see a doctor for it?  But then the feeling passes and I realize if I was really sick, it would still be here.  It comes and goes.  I use the Neti Pot....do you have one?  It REALLY helps.  You make a saltwater solution and then you still the one end of the pot in your nostril and then lean your body so the water flows through one nostril and out the other.  STRANGE sensation and I was scared to use it the first time...but once you've tried it, you'll never look back.  It makes me feel so much better. 

 

I have a REAL cold now (I only know b/c my daughter came home with it from school before Christmas and now my mom has it as well...we all have the same symtpoms), but the sinus issues I normally have I KNOW are w/d. 

 

I got hit at 4 months and at 5 as well...but keep in mind not everyone gets hit every month.  I think for me it's teaching me to not put a time limit on my recovery.  I just assumed I'd be 80-90% healed by six months....and who know, maybe I will be!  But right now I know there's a good chance I won't be, and I guess that's ok.  I'm not happy with it, but I'll deal with it when the time comes.  Just know that the feelings you have are NORMAL.  I had them as well and still do get them from time to time.  I just find now that they don't last as long.  So that's a good sign!  And that will happen for you too.

 

I know you have a lot of physical s/x  -  as do I.  They can be hard to deal with and for me personally, it really brings me down to my knees some days.  We're in this together...many of us are...and we'll come out fighting.

 

Love and hugs sent to you...you're doing amazing.

Schatje

[[Ma...]]

Hi Schatje

Thank you. I hate this sinus stuff. It is painful and annoying. I don't have neti pot and it seams I can't find to buy it here so maybe to improvise somehow. And it looks scary but read lot of people use it and is helpful.

I am in my 5th month and it started with 2 nights of pure hell. I am thinking like you too about six months mark and how I will be better but never know.

 

Marry

[[no...]]

End of another day here in benzoland. Managed to drive to the city for appt, not as bad a day as yesterday once i get past the hellacious mornings of doom. Didn't cook today, so avoided that hazardous behavior for the day. Tomorrow drive a few hours away with my daughter. Another saga in the w/d memoir I'm sure.

Rest well buds,

susan

[[Ch...]]

Hi my friends,

 

I just thought I'd check in.  I need a ticker.  How do I do that?  Anyway, I'm just over 6 months and a week after my last dose.  After some glorious and long windows in months 1 through 4 (up to 3 weeks long), months 5 and 6 have absolutely slammed me.  Severe anxiety, depression, insomnia, and crushing fatigue.  Not being able to work just before Christmas due to feeling like hell has been absolutely devastating.  I don't think I'll be able to work this week either. 

 

I'm not sure but I think the latest wave may be due to me basically going c/t on a low dose tricyclic antidepressant (off-label use for nerve pain) back in mid-October.  I was hit so hard about three weeks after stopping it.  Oh yeah, I also dabbled in a small amount of alcohol in months 1 through 4 (not good!). 

 

On a more positive note, In the past week I have been starting to get windows of feeling pretty OK and sleep is improving.  The windows happen every other day (like clockwork) following about 4 hours of severe physical symptoms.  They are so nice but the next day I get slammed with all the psychological crap. 

 

Can anyone relate?

 

I wish everyone peace.  Hang in there!

[[re...]]

Tickers are easy. tickerfactory dot com. Just make sure you create one that counts after an event, not TO the event.

Cope the code for a website and then paste it in your profile. You will see where when you go there.

Hope that was helpful

 

Months 5 and 6 were crazy for me. I am turning corners now. 3-6 months is challenging. Give it time. You will feel better soon.

Hope you have a great week.

[[no...]]

Hi 4-6ers. I went for the trip to the city today. Was pacing around the house before leaving, and a wreck on the road. Waves of panic alternated with anxiety. Got there, did it. Stopped for lunch, tried to be normal, but all messed up inside. Husband says its a success just cause I did it. Heck, I have gone there tons of times before without anxiety like that. Feels like failure to me.

I am feeling so negative these days. I reread benzowise and Johns is so positive even in the middle of her worst times. It seems so impossible to me.

I'm deep in self doubt and feeling forever stuck in this sea of fear. Hate to sound so negative, we need positive around here, so I shall just wind up this day and see what tomorrow brings.

 

 

 

ok. I admit I did drive 3hrs each way, 6 hrs, in a city and nobody had to come rescue me.

[[re...]]

Susan

that is great you drove! Who cares what it was like pre benzo. You did it in benzo wd!! Focus on the positive!! Let that be enough for now. One day you will be healed and this will all be a distant memory. Until then, be happy you drove and no one had to rescue you.

I am so proud of you!! 

[[no...]]

HOORAY! I keep forgetting I'm in withdrawal and thinking I am in forever.

Keep us posted about the office! I go back to mine tomorrow and start another gig as well. ( I cobble together a few jobs where I do grad school).

Big love and gratitude- s

[[ki...]]

Hi 4-6ers

I'm just past the 6 month mark and thought I'd join in. My sx have been continuing since the taper. I thought I was turning a corner around the 4th month but one sx seems to turn into another. My current sx are pretty strong head neck and ear pressure and pain right below my right ribs. I've been to the ent numerous times, he has me on a ppi for LPR for the lump in my throat sensation. I've also had a thyroid ultrasound and a carotid ultrasound which were negative. My family doctor thinks I'm just a hypocondriac, I didn't even try to explain to her about bw, don't think she'd believe me as I even have a hard time believing it myself. My therapist explains all my sx away as anxiety even though she says she is counseling 2 other people going through bw. I hope this isn't forever! 

[[re...]]

Hi 4-6ers

I'm just past the 6 month mark and thought I'd join in. My sx have been continuing since the taper. I thought I was turning a corner around the 4th month but one sx seems to turn into another. My current sx are pretty strong head neck and ear pressure and pain right below my right ribs. I've been to the ent numerous times, he has me on a ppi for LPR for the lump in my throat sensation. I've also had a thyroid ultrasound and a carotid ultrasound which were negative. My family doctor thinks I'm just a hypocondriac, I didn't even try to explain to her about bw, don't think she'd believe me as I even have a hard time believing it myself. My therapist explains all my sx away as anxiety even though she says she is counseling 2 other people going through bw. I hope this isn't forever! 

Its not! My therapist who was put on valium when she was nine got off at 28. Suffered like mad! She is in her 60's now. She keeps reminding me it is just wd it is not forever. I can hardly remember what it felt like to live in a body that did not tingle, burn, shake, hurt etc. I am hopeful one day I will get to know how great it feels to be over wd. You are getting there, every day.

[[...]]

Hit 6 months in 2 days. Doing a lot better after a horrible month 4 and 5. Hopefully I continue to improve and don't have another torturous wave.

[[re...]]

Hit 6 months in 2 days. Doing a lot better after a horrible month 4 and 5. Hopefully I continue to improve and don't have another torturous wave.

 

Welcome to month 6! I hope it goes smoothly for you.

[[Sc...]]

It's 2:15am where I am and I just woke up from panic.  Was perfectly asleep and then out of nowhere, eyes wide open and heart racing.  So instead of laying there and trying to breathe through it - which is what i normally do - I came straight out to the family room and turned on the lap top.  This is the sort of routine I got use to with my taper...now at 5 1/2 months off, I feel like I keep getting with bit of my taper all over again. 

 

 

[[no...]]

yeah. I get that Schatje. I am far worse at 4 months than ever. being hit with panic attacks when didnt have then in taper or on benzos. But I did have them before benzos. And thats what really is hitting me now. Everybody seems to be certain that what they are experiencing is w/d, but I am seeing things that were there before. They seem worse, but perhaps thats because they are happening now. I want to believe, but am finding it more difficult as things get worse the farther out I go.

Hope you have gotten some sleep by now. I am off to try to start back to work again, which seems so alien, though its only been a couple weeks since I've been off for break.

[[4l...]]

Officially at 4 months now for my hubby... the holidays were rough for him but they are stressful for a non-nerve damaged person so I am hoping that the lull of January will help.  His symptoms are mostly ALL physical; however, the onset of physical symptoms depresses him and FEAR takes over. 

 

I have to preach to him the positives:  much improved sleep, weight gain (much needed - face looks healthier again), cognitive returned (noticing things he hasn't in a long time), smiling more!, no more muscle pain or heart beating out of chest.

 

Still struggling with anxiety, constant chest pain (yes, we have had all the expensive tests done with no negative outcomes), head and jaw pain on some nights (not all) and boy does he twitch or should I say jolt while he is sleeping <<hoping it is a positive as GABA is returning>>. 

 

We think the chest pain is inflammation (OR EXTREME anxiety although he says at times he is not anxious but it still hurts) and are trying massage, trying to reduce stress, ibuprofen and heat/cold.  Who knows?!  We feel a little lost on pain reduction.  He certainly never had this extreme before or during taper. 

 

Trudging through hoping what they say about TIME HEALS really does... 

 

My best to all of you fighting this fight.  It is hard and you should be extremely proud for trying to get healthy.

[[re...]]

S and N

Even if some of this is your old stuff, it is certainly magnified by withdrawal. Don't assume this is your new life. Read some of the success stories that state they had panic for months, then it went away completely. If you have not read Dr. Reg Peart's story, google it and read it. He was not put on Valium for anxiety. He had vertigo. He had anxiety and panic for a long time till his CNS healed. You are both. (and me too!) very early in recovery. Don't give up hope.

 

You may both want to consider being tested for the MTHFR gene mutation. You may need l-mythlfolate (a form of vitamin b-9) so you can be less anxious. (if you have the mutation.)

 

Hope you both have a great day today.