4-6 month club. How are you doing?

[[re...]]

i get so frustrated when there are implications it is me; i go thru this in my prayer groups; i have had anx before - and fear - and nothing is like this.  i sure do understand trying to get help where we can ttho.  in a grand slam this week in my 8th month off; so discouraging.  could use support; started a new thread.  darn it all. 

i am looking into support groups; just would love to talk to live people about what this is like.

thanks so much for being there.

wish the dr/dp did not return; crying for no reason; i know we can do this tho. we are doing it.

Sorry to hear you are slammed. this is such a hard and long journey.  You never had anxiety like this before?

I wish there was a way we could have a teleconference for the forum so we could safely talk to each other. I have a few friends I made at BW and we call each other. That helps  a lot.

 

You are slowly healing. It just takes so much time it seems. Brutally slow. Sending good energy your way.

[Guest [Ka...]]

I'm approaching 6 months at the beginning of February. I think I've experienced two 5 day windows in the past week and a half. I had the wave at the end of 3 months that everyone talks about and it lasted for the next 2 months after that... What's the probability of having another wave after the 6 or 7 month mark? Is it VERY common? Are there people who report being mostly well at the 6 month mark? What are my chances? My remaining symptoms are fatigue, fatigue, fatigue, weakness, muscle stiffness, jaw pressure, brain fog, dizzyness and balance problems. Are these symptoms a good sign the worst may be over for good? How do you know when you're healed and not constantly asking, what if it comes back???

[[re...]]

I'm approaching 6 months at the beginning of February. I think I've experienced two 5 day windows in the past week and a half. I had the wave at the end of 3 months that everyone talks about and it lasted for the next 2 months after that... What's the probability of having another wave after the 6 or 7 month mark? Is it VERY common? Are there people who report being mostly well at the 6 month mark? What are my chances? My remaining symptoms are fatigue, fatigue, fatigue, weakness, muscle stiffness, jaw pressure, brain fog, dizzyness and balance problems. Are these symptoms a good sign the worst may be over for good? How do you know when you're healed and not constantly asking, what if it comes back???

 

Good for you for having 5 day windows. I am SO jealous!! I havent had ONE full day window.

Hopefully this means you are turning big corners and should see some more good windows and a door one day before too long. Keep up the good work.

[[...]]

i wonder if there is a way we could set up a way to meet on the phone together; tele calling - even a 3 way call would be supportive  .  where do u live?  i live in fla. 

[[re...]]

Unfortunately it is against the policy here to try to connect outside of the forum. Safety reasons. I understand.

It would be so great though to talk to each other.

[[Al...]]

Just checking in. In my 6th month now. My speech has been better for the last 3-4wks. I take that as a clear sign of healing. Everything else remains (severe anxiety, depression, fatigue, weakness, blurry vision, tremors, insomnia, fear..etc..). I keep reading success stories, that helps.

Applying for disability as there is no way I can go back to work right now. As my medical records arrive and I go through them I am devastated after reading what the docs wrote. "patient refuses to admit that she has an eating disorder and psychiatric disorder". Never had an eating disorder, I want nothing more than to be able to eat and gain weight. I do understand that this severe withdrawal presents me as a psychiatric mess...all thanks to benzos. Not ONE doctor believed benzos did this to me...I was sold down the road.

 

My validation comes from this site, reading the same stories as mine.  Thinking of you all.

[[St...]]

Hi,

 

I see there are several other c/t members that have written on this thread.  I had written once before but didn't know if my timeline being benzo free was the same timeline as tapers being benzo free.  Since other c/t are writing here I feel I can be related to. 

 

I am almost 24 weeks benzo free.  I do have windows alternated that with waves.  I am also I guess in denial that my mom passed away at week 16.  I just don't talk about it, nor have I gone to her home, kinda going to have to do that someday with my 5 siblings to divide things up. 

 

Right now I am trying to get stronger and get thru this w/d.  If I'm stronger - further off this w/d then I can deal with other issues - grief.

 

I feel I am doing good, have a day where I am low symptom, then "it" creeps or comes back in strong.  I am also, like I have read others say - afraid - I just feel afraid.  Afraid of being slammed again - month 4 was really hard for me.  I'm afraid the jerking I experienced after my mother passed will come back if I deal with the grieving.  Ok I said it - I'm scared to deal with she passed, I'm afraid.  I'm afraid to be on Lyrica and afraid to go off. 

 

I'm just afraid today.  I can't say I feel this everyday, I use to feel so positive that I was going to make it, that I was healing.  I think I felt that recently when I had a window, I can't remember.

When the windows close, my thinking, my memory closes also.

 

So what is up for everyone else in the 4 - 6 month?  Are we all on the roller coaster of emotional and physical symptoms?  Does anyone see improvement? 

 

I can say I did get out more in the last two weeks, I even went out alone which I hadn't done during these 23 weeks.  My burning went completely away for 8 days in a row, came back for just a few hours then went away for 5 more days. That is improvement.  Then to be followed by a not so good day.  I know this will pass but it is still hard isn't it.

 

How are others doing?

 

Sally Stillbelieving 

[[jr...]]

Dear Sally,

 

I am so sorry you are not doing well.  I am also sorry I have been so out of touch lately.  I've been distracted by things in and out of the forum. 

 

Sending hugs,

 

Jenn

[[St...]]

Dear Sally,

 

I am so sorry you are not doing well.  I am also sorry I have been so out of touch lately.  I've been distracted by things in and out of the forum. 

 

Sending hugs,

 

Jenn

 

Thanks Jenn,

 

I know you have a lot going on.  I hope you are feeling better yourself,

 

Sally 

 

[[jr...]]

Dear Sally,

 

I am so sorry you are not doing well.  I am also sorry I have been so out of touch lately.  I've been distracted by things in and out of the forum. 

 

Sending hugs,

 

Jenn

 

Thanks Jenn,

 

I know you have a lot going on.  I hope you are feeling better yourself,

 

Sally 

 

You're welcome, buddy   I think our symptoms have been very similar down the line.  I am feeling better, but the apathy is just driving me crazy.  Love ya

[[Ho...]]

I just hit 5 months this past weekend. Things seem to be changing for me. I'm having a hard time trying to understand it. A couple of new things have happened. I started dreaming every night about 10 days ago. I had originally had bad insomnia and it really started to resolve about 3 weeks ago but since this dreaming started my sleep has slipped backwards a bit. I'm also getting this feeling of a plugged ear, which is new, and only happens in the ear that I have tinnitus in.

 

On the positive side, I've had more good days than ever and I've even had a couple of days of windows in a row. Previous to this I would get the odd single day after which I always got slammed. I even think that the 2 day window might have gone on longer but I felt so much better that I overdid it which I think stopped the window. I'm really looking forward to month 6 with the hopes that it will be even better.

 

Bill

 

[[mo...]]

That's awesome news Hockey Boy!!! Good going!! Hoping this is just the start of many more good days for you! 

[[Ho...]]

Thanks monyd...I sure hope it doesn't change direction.

 

Bill

[[ki...]]

Bumping this for the new 4 - 6 monthers

[[No...]]

4.5 months benzo free, after 11 month direct taper of Clonazepam.

 

3 months off I was doing worse than my taper, but then suddenly April 7th, something changed.

Over night my symptoms decreased by 50%, making life tolerable.

 

I have had no windows, still I cannot lead a normal life, but MY GOD what a relief!!

 

 

[[mo...]]

Since I don't want to jinx my progress with an "actual" success story I'll post a mini one here. At exactly 4 mos after c/t from Ativan and Z I am happy to say I feel really good! Sleep is farily consistent, moods have stablized, anxiety seems to be a thing of the past. The remaining symptoms are minor, but the worst one, d/r, that I had daily to some degree since the beginning actually seems to be fading!!!  I've had quite a few outings in public this past week where I did not feel like I was walking around drunk. I even went to the mall shopping, alone, yesterday without a single shred of fear or anxiety!    And today I am reconnecting with a friend who I have pulled away from these past months, simply for the fact that she didn't understand. I'm sure you all know what I mean - there just isn't enough energy during recovery to spend time with people who don't "get it".  The fact that I have the emotional strength to deal with her now, tells me that I've come a long, long way.

 

I still have the odd moment where I don't feel "quite right". It's like a lingering depression or feeling of forboding that shadows my thoughts, but I am able to fight it off, where as before it would take me over.

 

Little by little I am my old self. I still "check in" with myself, and think hey, I'm feeling normal, or I'm acting normal - which by acknowledging that is not normal,  but the good news is,  I do it less and less.

 

Now, if I could just get rid of the tinnitus that seems to be hanging on for dear life, I would say I was 100%.  That too is much, much quieter. Some days I really have to listen for it. But the fact is, it is always there to some degree. At least I can cope with it better than I used to. When it's bad, at least now I know it will decrease after a day or two. No more need for sleeping pills or Ativan!!

 

So, hang in there my buddies. We may not all recover in 4 mos, or 6 mos or even 10 mos, but the truth is we ALL RECOVER. Our bodies will get us there and while we're on that journey we have each other to lean on.

 

Thank you to all my buddies who have supported me and given me advice when I was freaking out. This forum has been a God send.

 

Healing and peace to all of you!

 

Mony 

[[ho...]]

Since I don't want to jinx my progress with an "actual" success story I'll post a mini one here. At exactly 4 mos after c/t from Ativan and Z I am happy to say I feel really good! Sleep is farily consistent, moods have stablized, anxiety seems to be a thing of the past. The remaining symptoms are minor, but the worst one, d/r, that I had daily to some degree since the beginning actually seems to be fading!!!  I've had quite a few outings in public this past week where I did not feel like I was walking around drunk. I even went to the mall shopping, alone, yesterday without a single shred of fear or anxiety!    And today I am reconnecting with a friend who I have pulled away from these past months, simply for the fact that she didn't understand. I'm sure you all know what I mean - there just isn't enough energy during recovery to spend time with people who don't "get it".  The fact that I have the emotional strength to deal with her now, tells me that I've come a long, long way.

 

I still have the odd moment where I don't feel "quite right". It's like a lingering depression or feeling of forboding that shadows my thoughts, but I am able to fight it off, where as before it would take me over.

 

Little by little I am my old self. I still "check in" with myself, and think hey, I'm feeling normal, or I'm acting normal - which by acknowledging that is not normal,  but the good news is,  I do it less and less.

 

Now, if I could just get rid of the tinnitus that seems to be hanging on for dear life, I would say I was 100%.  That too is much, much quieter. Some days I really have to listen for it. But the fact is, it is always there to some degree. At least I can cope with it better than I used to. When it's bad, at least now I know it will decrease after a day or two. No more need for sleeping pills or Ativan!!

 

So, hang in there my buddies. We may not all recover in 4 mos, or 6 mos or even 10 mos, but the truth is we ALL RECOVER. Our bodies will get us there and while we're on that journey we have each other to lean on.

 

Thank you to all my buddies who have supported me and given me advice when I was freaking out. This forum has been a God send.

 

Healing and peace to all of you!

 

Mony 

 

This is great news!!  Congratulations. 

 

PLEASE continue to be gentle with yourself.... from a person who was feeling fairly good and overdid and got slammed!!

Keep your stress level and activity level manageable.... 

 

Best of luck with continued good healing

XOX

[[ma...]]

Am heartened by those in this 4-6mo group here who are doing better. Hurray!

It gives some encouragement & hope to those still struggling.

 

I am still on roller coaster - w/ unfortunately more down slopes than up.

This forum is a life saver for me & helps me believe that healing will happen.

How I need to believe that!

Have had a couple of hrs in last months where things were OK & I felt more like myself -

so I know its possible.

 

The physical muscle spasms/pain & weakness is still very bad. How I long to take a good walk

in nature! Manage short walks up our dirt rd when symptoms arn't so bad.

Read & watch a lot of Netflix. Helps to distract & get focus off misery.

 

Sleep is problematic & never wake up feeling rested. Am having more

dreams now, so that's good.

 

Still too much mental distress, anguish,terror, flatness.

Try to listen to affirming talks & tapes to counteract such blackness.

Read Sucess stories here too.

Its all so strange to have one's inner life & body altered so much.

 

Here's hoping everyone here continues to heal & have lessening of symptoms.

My heart fills w/ joy when I hear good news. It gives hope to us all,

 

Hugs all around,

 

margaretisabel

 

 

 

 

[[mo...]]

Hope56, thank you for the advice. I know it can be quite disheartening when you think you're done and then another wave of sx hits out of the blue. And I am prepared for a few more bumps in the road. Altho I am hopeful that worst is behind me, I remain realistic as well.

 

Thanks again for your words of wisdom.

 

 

[[Ho...]]

I had hoped that month 6 would really usher in a great turnaround (and it may still) but in fact I feel that I'm back at month 3. March was my best month and according to my logs I had about 14 days of windows out of the 31 days.

 

The problem occurred at the end of March when I woke up with a severely plugged ear in the same ear I have tinnitus in. This lasted for three days and finally went away. A few days later I had a sore throat and thought that both these symptoms must mean that I'm getting a cold, but it just didn't seem to develop. Since then I've only had about 8 windows in 33 days.

 

I've had either a plugged ear, sore throat or ear ache with some extra nose blowing and congestion for 30 of the last 39 days, and I may have missed a few in my log.

 

I'm trying to remain optimistic that this is in fact just a very stubborn cold and that when it passes I'll be even better than in March.

 

I hope someone can follow this up with a more encouraging story for the 4-6 month club.

 

Bill

[[ho...]]

Hope56, thank you for the advice. I know it can be quite disheartening when you think you're done and then another wave of sx hits out of the blue. And I am prepared for a few more bumps in the road. Altho I am hopeful that worst is behind me, I remain realistic as well.

 

Thanks again for your words of wisdom.

 

You're welcome.  I wish you the best and continued healing.

I'll watch for your success story!!

 

[[...]]

I just recently turned 6 months!  Almost all physical symptoms are gone, except the blurred vision at times.

 

The psychological involves some anxiety, especially the "cortisol" crud at 0400am!  The agoraphobia much better.  Month 4 was probably the worst, symptom wise for me.  I am feeling better each week, YAY!

 

skyy

[[Ho...]]

That's great news Skyy...

 

Bill

[[ho...]]

I just recently turned 6 months!  Almost all physical symptoms are gone, except the blurred vision at times.

 

The psychological involves some anxiety, especially the "cortisol" crud at 0400am!  The agoraphobia much better.  Month 4 was probably the worst, symptom wise for me.  I am feeling better each week, YAY!

 

skyy

 

This is fabulous -- congratulations on 6 months AND all the healing!!

[[mo...]]

Hockey Boy, are you sure this is w/d??  I mean, do you have any other w/d sx accompanying this? Could you have allergies? Because I too have had a sore throat off and on for the past month, but I know this is related to my seasonal allergies. They have lasted longer this year than normal, but other than that, it's a typical allergy sx for me. Just a thought. Maybe you're better off than you realize.