Post Benzo Protracted Withdrawal Support Group

[[va...]]

Hi Vancouver girl, Thanks for the nice letter and the explanation of the kindling effect. I'm sure that is what happened to me. I went off Benzo a couple of times and recovered fairly easily and thought if I reinstated it would be the same. Big mistake The second to the last time I tapered over 4months had terrible W/D and was told reinstating would only make things worse At 8 months I attempted suicide it seemed the only way out at the time. Then reinstated in the psych hospital shortly after I started tapering again sense reinstating didn't help much. I did a very slow taper in hopes I would heal better.  I definitely expected to be healed by 18 months now it is 21 months. I guess most of us here did. But I'm trying to stay positive.

 

Wishing You Peace and Healing, Marsha

I'm really sorry to hear that Marsha. It sounds to me even putting you back on the 2nd time they still tapered you too fast. I know people that do a different method that reinstated from further out, and took a month to stabalize and then by 2-4 months with a slow daily reduction taper they are doing really well. But they're still tapering and they lose symptoms on the way down but it's a different method. Different dosing everything. Many came in where you did. The ones now off, are symptom free. It sounds like they tapered you too fast unstable on the 1rst reinstatement and the 2nd one they didn't do it right again I bet. Gosh..........not your fault....I had NEVER had a anxiety problem in my life. Ever. I have no panic or anxiety now. Why would I? But I was sure convinced benzo anxiety was me. Now I've got nuero & cns damage. You got the kindling effect like I did. I'm really sorry. I'm trying to stay positive too. That's all we can do. Here's to some good changes in the next 3 months. And beyond. xoxox 

[[St...]]

BTW, I don't believe I'm unique in any way.  Rather, I'm only one of many people whom doctors have messed up.  Many of us had minor health issues that would have improve on their own had we not been prescribed toxic drugs.

 

Brilliant!  That's how I would characterize myself as well:  I had minor issues that would have resolved themselves or taken a less severe path had I not been given benzos. All it needed was some diligence and investigation into my problems -- and not just label me as a "problem patient" with unknown issues.  My GP just needed to dig deeper and we would have figured this all out BEFORE getting a nasty prescription for Klonopin.

 

I'm well over 3 years after that first prescription, and this path has been far too long for the minor malady that was really affecting me.

 

Matthew........

 

you bring forward an important point re: "problem patient".  I too was given the same label. 

 

I think we need to toss the label back where it belongs re: "problem doctor" and "problem medical system" (lol)

 

 

I'm very sorry for what you have been through and I sincerely hope that you recover very soon!

 

 

Still Alive

 

The interesting part? I suggested what my real ailment was for years before she finally ran the test for it out of exasperation. (I kept asking for a simple $50 test to confirm or rule out the issue.)  And the day I got the results and I sat in the exam room and she said that she just "couldn't believe it" was the day I lost confidence in her.

 

Without getting too detailed, my problem was from intestinal parasites.  For years I'd point at my abdomen and stomach and say, "I feel sick and bloated all the time.  I have parasites."  And then she'd say, "No, you don't."

 

What a crying shame.  So sorry you were misdiagnosed and your concerns were repeatedly ignored by your doctor.  So many of us have experienced the same I"m afraid.

 

I too had have experienced the same as you, so many times it's not even funny.  I'd go to my doctor and correct his misdiagnosis (time and time again).  I finally stopped seeing him since, he was doing me more harm than good.  BTW, I've also experienced the same though with many other doctors.

 

Their knowledge base is very limited and we have to become medical experts in order to protect ourselves.  Thank God for the internet.  We can now easily research to either confirm or refute any medical diagnosis that  is given to us, not to mention we can draw from so many health support groups.

 

Still Alive

[[St...]]

Hi Vancouver girl, Thanks for the nice letter and the explanation of the kindling effect. I'm sure that is what happened to me. I went off Benzo a couple of times and recovered fairly easily and thought if I reinstated it would be the same. Big mistake The second to the last time I tapered over 4months had terrible W/D and was told reinstating would only make things worse At 8 months I attempted suicide it seemed the only way out at the time. Then reinstated in the psych hospital shortly after I started tapering again sense reinstating didn't help much. I did a very slow taper in hopes I would heal better.  I definitely expected to be healed by 18 months now it is 21 months. I guess most of us here did. But I'm trying to stay positive.

 

Wishing You Peace and Healing, Marsha

I'm really sorry to hear that Marsha. It sounds to me even putting you back on the 2nd time they still tapered you too fast. I know people that do a different method that reinstated from further out, and took a month to stabalize and then by 2-4 months with a slow daily reduction taper they are doing really well. But they're still tapering and they lose symptoms on the way down but it's a different method. Different dosing everything. Many came in where you did. The ones now off, are symptom free. It sounds like they tapered you too fast unstable on the 1rst reinstatement and the 2nd one they didn't do it right again I bet. Gosh..........not your fault....I had NEVER had a anxiety problem in my life. Ever. I have no panic or anxiety now. Why would I? But I was sure convinced benzo anxiety was me. Now I've got nuero & cns damage. You got the kindling effect like I did. I'm really sorry. I'm trying to stay positive too. That's all we can do. Here's to some good changes in the next 3 months. And beyond. xoxox 

 

Vancouvergirl and Marsha........

 

that's three of us who have been "kindled".  I just want to reassure both of you right now.  I was severely kindled upon reinstatement of my AD (a very sedating AD).  The panic and anxiety I had was extreme............far worse than any and all previous C/T experiences I had encountered (and there were many).  HOWEVER, I'm here to tell you that whatever damage has been done re: kindling effect, it is NOT permanent.  Things do get so much better.

 

I have no more panic attacks and my anxiety levels are laughable now compared to what they were during my reinstatement, my violent taper and post-taper.  I just have to put in another 5 more months of recovery time to eliminate the remaining "laughable" type of WD induced anxiety that is remaining.  Believe me, you ladies are going to have a life without anxiety once your CNS recovers more fully.

 

Count on it!

 

 

Still Alive

[[va...]]

Hi Vancouver Girl,

 

Just scanned your signature and I just wish to express that I'm so very sorry for all that you have been through.  I can relate to much of your experience and I also share a massive distrust for MDs.  My story is very long but basically doctors created massive illness due to the tons of drugs they prescribed in an effort to try to remedy the chaos that was caused by previous drugs they prescribed to me.  What a nightmarish mess.

 

Hi, what a kind letter, thankyou so much Still. It seems this is an all too familiar pattern. For me it will be nice to heal and move forward in such a way to "bury" it, keeping the knowledge with no need to reflect on it, other than to pay it forward and keeping my family and friends out of harms way. There is unsurmountable chaos bred from what I now realize to be a common cycle. I'm so happy for you that you are healed and thankyou again for coming by and "sprinkling" some words of encouragment and hope shared through your experience. 

 

By the way, which part of Canada are you from? xo

 

Vancouver Giril........

 

I very much agree with all you have articulated and I too would like to get to the same psychological place.  BTW, just to clarify: I have healed from all other psyche drugs experiences plus xanax C/T but I'm not completely healed from this last drug.  I'm 31 months into protracted WD but I have made considerable progress considering where I have been.  IF I can show signs of healing after so many repeated drug assaults, so too will others.  Healing will occur.........it just takes longer for some of us folks but we will eventually get there.

 

 

To answer your question:  I live in Ontario.

 

 

Still Alive

I'm sorry Still. Thankyou for correcting me. I thought you were healed. You're not. So 31 months into it. Protracted too not being healed from the last drug. Long process, especially when they put other drugs into the mix. I wonder why they think these "chemicals" are benign

because they're buffered? That's what a brain scan doctor said to me when I said benzos where made from a chemical they put in wood dye. He said, "they would have buffered it down." Okay, they're okay then right? We'll get there and I added you too the list. I'm curious because I'm seeing people come out of the wood work now that I didn't see post before. I'm glad Albie started this thread. Nice talking to all of you today. xoxo

[[va...]]

Vancouvergirl and Marsha........

 

that's three of us who have been "kindled".  I just want to reassure both of you right now.  I was severely kindled upon reinstatement of my AD (a very sedating AD).  The panic and anxiety I had was worse than any and all previous C/T experiences I had HOWEVER, I'm here to tell you that whatever damage has been done re: kindling effect, it DOES get better.

 

I have no more panic attacks and my anxiety levels are laughable now compared to what they were during my violent taper and post-taper.  Believe me, you ladies are going to have a life without anxiety once your CNS recovers more fully.

 

Count on it!

 

 

Still Alive

Yeah we've all been kindled huh? I just wrote to Marsha I DON'T get panic or anxiety. I didn't before benzos either. That's not my deal in this. That benzo induced anxiety and panic are LONG GONE after six months from my c/t. My deal is brain neuro 3 offenders. Head/eye pressure, helium head, and electric brain. And noisy head lol, that I could handle but the movement WITH the orchestra is a bit much so no sleep with the rushing in my brain. It's my GABA receptors that are obviously altered.  It's huge. I don't know when that will split as it's daily constant chronic. Altered. Heat wavy vision from neuro not ocular.    This is why I get worried. I don't see this on the boards as far out and primary like me. Heavy sigh today......xox

[[pa...]]

Just curious -  For those of us who are in protracted withdrawal, which symptoms don't seem to want to go away and which have pretty much disappeared.  For me:

 

No longer a problem -  twitching, vibrating, insomnia, gastro issues, anxiety, not wanting to be around others

 

Still a problem - burning, prickling skin, tinnitus, balance/vertigo

 

It would be interesting to see if others have the same lingering symptoms.

 

Paresthesia

[[va...]]

The interesting part? I suggested what my real ailment was for years before she finally ran the test for it out of exasperation. (I kept asking for a simple $50 test to confirm or rule out the issue.)  And the day I got the results and I sat in the exam room and she said that she just "couldn't believe it" was the day I lost confidence in her.

 

Without getting too detailed, my problem was from intestinal parasites.  For years I'd point at my abdomen and stomach and say, "I feel sick and bloated all the time.  I have parasites."  And then she'd say, "No, you don't."

You're kidding Matthew. Wow. Punk'd again. She didn't believe you huh? I've kind of realized, now that one knows what we know, these people that "practice" look very different to me. So they gave you benzos from intestinal parasites? Great.

 

You'd think with the damage that benzos do to us they could have at least killed the parasites you know?

 

I wanted to ask you something. What test did you get for that and did you take herbal like Blackwalnut, cloves and wormwood for it or something prescription? I'm curious.

 

And, I'm sorry for what you've been threw along with us. xox

[[St...]]

Still Alive

I'm sorry Still. Thankyou for correcting me. I thought you were healed. You're not. So 31 months into it. Protracted too not being healed from the last drug. Long process, especially when they put other drugs into the mix. I wonder why they think these "chemicals" are benign

because they're buffered? That's what a brain scan doctor said to me when I said benzos where made from a chemical they put in wood dye. He said, "they would have buffered it down." Okay, they're okay then right? We'll get there and I added you too the list. I'm curious because I'm seeing people come out of the wood work now that I didn't see post before. I'm glad Albie started this thread. Nice talking to all of you today. xoxo

 

 

no problem Vancouvergirl.    I think perhaps my presentation, in previous posts could be a bit confusing.  Yes, your first couple of sentences in your quote above have indicated that you have understood my last post correctly.

 

 

Just so everyone is clear...........I have taken NO Drugs whatsoever during my LAST taper from kindling and severe tolerance WD state that occurred upon reinstatement of my AD.  So, I've been completely drug, supplement, herb free for not only the last 31 months but also during my violent 2 year taper.

 

I did however, completely heal from C/T xanax (it took me two years to recover from that and then I began my first taper attempt from the last AD I was on).  I tapered too quickly and jumped from 10 mgs to 0 ...........all hell broke lose and I reinstated and kept updosing trying to stablize and never could due to kindling and tolerance.  Then it took me two years to taper from that (violently sick) but I finally made it off the drug.

 

Prior to these last two WD experiences I had many other psyche drug C/T and cold switches which involved benzos, different ADs etc.  So, no doubt my brain and CNS has been through a lot but I AM RECOVERING and I will continue to recover.  Despite still suffering from protracted WD, I have made huge progress.

 

In regard to the "buffered down"........It's apparent that doctors are not chemists and so, IMHO they are unqualified to speak about the drugs they prescribe.  They mostly rely on what the pharma reps tell them and half the time they dont' even read the black box warnings.

BTW, I realize that I'm not telling you anything you don't already know (lol).  I'm just venting a bit (lol).

 

Still Alive

[[va...]]

Just curious -  For those of us who are in protracted withdrawal, which symptoms don't seem to want to go away and which have pretty much disappeared.  For me:

 

No longer a problem -  twitching, vibrating, insomnia, gastro issues, anxiety, not wanting to be around others

 

Still a problem - burning, prickling skin, tinnitus, balance/vertigo

 

It would be interesting to see if others have the same lingering symptoms.

 

Paresthesia

Hi Paresthesia, you sure tell it like it is with your name!!

I still have alot but they're different symptoms. Helium head, head pressure, electric brain, short broken sleep, whooshing noisy head, rapid thoughts, face burning, eye pressure and rigid eye muscles and heat wavy vision so my surroundings move and look surreal. I can't be around people much like this.

 

Here's our update with Still and Marsha added.

 

21 members protracted 18 months and beyond. (Of those 13 are past 24 months.)

 

10 members in the timeframe of 11 - 18 months.

[[ma...]]

Paresthesia,

 

I'm just curious as to when the insomnia and GI problems got better for you.  I'm six months out and still REALLY struggling with these issues, along with depression and not wanting to socialize at all.

 

What has improved for me is DP/DR.  I still get it sometimes but nowhere near like I used to.  I also don't have the eye and temple pain anymore, or that band-around-the-head sensation.  I do still wear sunglasses a lot because of light sensitivity but I'm no longer in pain.

 

Mal

[[va...]]

I have taken NO Drugs whatsoever during my LAST taper from kindling and severe tolerance WD state that occurred upon reinstatement of my AD.  So, I've been completely drug, supplement, herb free for not only the last 31 months but also during my violent 2 year taper.

 

I did however, completely heal from C/T xanax (it took me two years to recover from that and then I began my first taper attempt from the last AD I was on).  Prior to these last two WD experiences I had many other psyche drug C/T and cold switches which involved benzos, different ADs etc.  So, no doubt my brain and CNS has been through a lot but I AM RECOVERING and I will continue to. 

 

Still Alive

 

 

It's apparent that doctors are not chemists and so, IMHO they are unqualified to speak about the drugs they prescribe.  They mostly rely on what the pharma reps tell them and half the time they dont' even read the black box warnings.

Gosh you've been through the mill. And you've got that right, referring to this paragraph right above my little helium head lol. xoxo Okay, let's get this healing underway!!!

 

I sure hope the burning is not bad for you Parasthesia because it sounds like it was a primary for a while and I just hope it's down in intensity.

 

What is lingering for you now Still?

[[Ma...]]

I still have alot but they're different symptoms. Helium head, head pressure, electric brain, short broken sleep, whooshing noisy head, rapid thoughts, face burning, eye pressure and rigid eye muscles and heat wavy vision so my surroundings move and look surreal. I can't be around people much like this.

 

At 12 1/2 months off Klonopin, I also have head pressure, palpitations, short broken sleep, whooshing noise in right ear, and sometimes things look distorted - buildings lean and don't appear straight (even though they are).  I also can't fully socialize with others yet.  Some days it's good, other days it's not.  And food sensitivities come and go almost daily.  Some days I can have foods and others seem to set me off.

 

The worst thing for me is the anxiety attacks I get, which seem to get smaller and less severe with each one.

 

Pre-benzos, I didn't have any of the aforementioned issues.  Not a one.

[[Ma...]]

The interesting part? I suggested what my real ailment was for years before she finally ran the test for it out of exasperation. (I kept asking for a simple $50 test to confirm or rule out the issue.)  And the day I got the results and I sat in the exam room and she said that she just "couldn't believe it" was the day I lost confidence in her.

 

Without getting too detailed, my problem was from intestinal parasites.  For years I'd point at my abdomen and stomach and say, "I feel sick and bloated all the time.  I have parasites."  And then she'd say, "No, you don't."

You're kidding Matthew. Wow. Punk'd again. She didn't believe you huh? I've kind of realized, now that one knows what we know, these people that "practice" look very different to me. So they gave you benzos from intestinal parasites? Great.

 

You'd think with the damage that benzos do to us they could have at least killed the parasites you know?

 

I wanted to ask you something. What test did you get for that and did you take herbal like Blackwalnut, cloves and wormwood for it or something prescription? I'm curious.

 

And, I'm sorry for what you've been threw along with us. xox

 

I had other symptoms that all began to make sense for parasites.  I put it all together and stated confidently that it was parasites.  I was denied - repeatedly.  Even when I said, "I can feel things crawling in me!"

 

Benzos don't kill parasites, but my GP thought I was just an anxious and trouble patient, so she drugged me.

 

Once the parasites were identified (I had 3 in total - probably from a trip to Thailand) I got a prescription for 30 days of Doxycycline and 14 days of Flagyl.  I had to take both.  That stuff made me sick as hell.

 

The test to confirm them was a blood smear and microscopic exam (which was negative) and also an "Ova and Parasite Exam" in my waste.  I had to collect samples and put into 2 different containers with specialized liquids.  The lab then did their thing.  Google for details.

[[va...]]

I still have alot but they're different symptoms. Helium head, head pressure, electric brain, short broken sleep, whooshing noisy head, rapid thoughts, face burning, eye pressure and rigid eye muscles and heat wavy vision so my surroundings move and look surreal. I can't be around people much like this.

 

At 12 1/2 months off Klonopin, I also have head pressure, palpitations, short broken sleep, whooshing noise in right ear, and sometimes things look distorted - buildings lean and don't appear straight (even though they are).  I also can't fully socialize with others yet.  Some days it's good, other days it's not.  And food sensitivities come and go almost daily.  Some days I can have foods and others seem to set me off.

 

The worst thing for me is the anxiety attacks I get, which seem to get smaller and less severe with each one.

 

Pre-benzos, I didn't have any of the aforementioned issues.  Not a one.

See? This is why this gets me so much. These types of outerworldly symptoms are "side effects". How in the world can people not know these types of side effects exhist from a drug? Because they're not listening. Who can make this up? I can't. I really HAD better things to do then cope through this type of thing from a sleeping pill.

 

You have a lot of the same stuff I do and you were on klonopin too. A few of us get these same type of symptoms from k. I NEVER ever had any of this BEFORE benzos either. Never.

 

Let's get healing. I'm just gonna keep saying it! lol xox

[[pa...]]

Mal,

 

My insomnia got a lot better around 7 or 8 months.  I still have an occasional bad night, but I wouldn't call it insomnia like I had before - night after night after night of being unable to get to sleep or stay asleep.  I took GABA and taurine, passion flower and lemon balm, and would have a glass of milk and and some toast - usually not all of the above on the same night.  I'd keep trying something.  The milk and toast was often the thing that got me to sleep.  Gastro symptoms got a lot better about a year out.  I think they are one of the problems that tend to last a long time.  I went to a bland diet and that helped some.  I'm now back to eating pretty much what I want, but light servings.  Hope you feel better soon.

 

Paresthesia

[[Co...]]

Hi VCG and friends, I finally have made an appt with a doc. This is a very big deal for me due to being very traumatized by my former NP. Im really scared and dont know how to tell him what happened to me...a couple have suggested not telling the whole story. He is supposed to be very kind and compassionate, but yet Im so nervous Im shaking. I hope he will listen and be open minded....Im looking for help with the neuropathic pain...I truly cant stand it any longer...it does not come and go...constant beyond severe...also I have a difficult situation in which Im expected to trave across country, and I still do not even drive, and take of my mom who suffered brain imjury after seizures. She was in ICU for 7 weeks and is now in brain rehab. She is totally disoriented and in delirium, she kows only who she is...they are talking about releasing her from brain rehab in 2 weeks or so. Im so overwhelmed, really can hardly take care of my self and my home and have to now go take care of her? Im hoping if my pain is eased I will be able to think more clearly. My mom is divorced and Im her only child...so this is my duty,,,funny thing is she did not raise me and has not been there for me very much...I did not even talk to her from just before detox in Mar 2010 until Christmas eve 2010 cause my daughter wanted to talk to her. But I know I need to be a better person and help her now. Hopefully this doc will help. Im thinking elavil or the dreaded neurontin or even reinstatement, because I cant be like I am now and help her. Im feeling really ambivalent and angry at God, tried doing everything right and now it seems for nothing. I feel like Im on the verge of letting everyone down. 

[[va...]]

The interesting part? I suggested what my real ailment was for years before she finally ran the test for it out of exasperation. (I kept asking for a simple $50 test to confirm or rule out the issue.)  And the day I got the results and I sat in the exam room and she said that she just "couldn't believe it" was the day I lost confidence in her.

 

Without getting too detailed, my problem was from intestinal parasites.  For years I'd point at my abdomen and stomach and say, "I feel sick and bloated all the time.  I have parasites."  And then she'd say, "No, you don't."

You're kidding Matthew. Wow. Punk'd again. She didn't believe you huh? I've kind of realized, now that one knows what we know, these people that "practice" look very different to me. So they gave you benzos from intestinal parasites? Great.

 

You'd think with the damage that benzos do to us they could have at least killed the parasites you know?

 

I wanted to ask you something. What test did you get for that and did you take herbal like Blackwalnut, cloves and wormwood for it or something prescription? I'm curious.

 

And, I'm sorry for what you've been threw along with us. xox

 

I had other symptoms that all began to make sense for parasites.  I put it all together and stated confidently that it was parasites.  I was denied - repeatedly.  Even when I said, "I can feel things crawling in me!"

 

Benzos don't kill parasites, but my GP thought I was just an anxious and trouble patient, so she drugged me.

 

Once the parasites were identified (I had 3 in total - probably from a trip to Thailand) I got a prescription for 30 days of Doxycycline and 14 days of Flagyl.  I had to take both.  That stuff made me sick as hell.

 

The test to confirm them was a blood smear and microscopic exam (which was negative) and also an "Ova and Parasite Exam" in my waste.  I had to collect samples and put into 2 different containers with specialized liquids.  The lab then did their thing.  Google for details.

Oops I messed up my wording. I mean she INADVERTENTLY treated parasites with benzos as that was your real ailment, therefore she missed it and told you your issues were anxiety for you thinking you had parasites. Wow.

 

I think they learn that in medical school. Serious. "People are terribly neurotic 101". I mean.....

 

Thanks I'm going to do that, google it. You didn't get any side effects from flagyll? None? How far out were you? I'm just sorry you went through all that. And thanks Matthew.

 

I spent 3 months in Thailand. From Bankok to Itaewon overnight, flew down to Koh Samui, then stayed at Chewang Gardens, then the otherside Bophut.  Went to Koh phangan, went to Koh Nangyuan diving, Krabi but missed the whale sharks. I used to travel a lot. I worked in Tokyo a few years.

 

I loved that time there. 

 

 

 

 

[[St...]]

Vancouvergirl and Marsha........

 

that's three of us who have been "kindled".  I just want to reassure both of you right now.  I was severely kindled upon reinstatement of my AD (a very sedating AD).  The panic and anxiety I had was worse than any and all previous C/T experiences I had HOWEVER, I'm here to tell you that whatever damage has been done re: kindling effect, it DOES get better.

 

I have no more panic attacks and my anxiety levels are laughable now compared to what they were during my violent taper and post-taper.  Believe me, you ladies are going to have a life without anxiety once your CNS recovers more fully.

 

Count on it!

 

 

Still Alive

Yeah we've all been kindled huh? I just wrote to Marsha I DON'T get panic or anxiety. I didn't before benzos either. That's not my deal in this. That benzo induced anxiety and panic are LONG GONE after six months from my c/t. My deal is brain neuro 3 offenders. Head/eye pressure, helium head, and electric brain. And noisy head lol, that I could handle but the movement WITH the orchestra is a bit much so no sleep with the rushing in my brain. It's my GABA receptors that are obviously altered.  It's huge. I don't know when that will split as it's daily constant chronic. Altered. Heat wavy vision from neuro not ocular.    This is why I get worried. I don't see this on the boards as far out and primary like me. Heavy sigh today......xox

 

Vancouvergirl.......

 

I can attest that benzo WD symptoms are similar to AD WD symptoms.  The reason I know is because I've lived the reality plus I've seen so many on various psyche forums.  All of these psyche drugs affect GABA and so many other neurotransmitter systems etc.

 

I, along with many others (in various support forums) had the same head symptoms that yoiu are describing.  I know just how worrisome it can feel and how one can seriously doubt their ability to recover but I had severe head symptoms during xanax C/T (BTW, I had developed tolerance to xanax and was experiencing interdose WD before I C/T from it) and all the very severe head pressure, helium effect, various visual effects and brain zaps (all which were chronic for me during xanax WD as well as this last AD WD).  I did fully recover from such from the xanax experience and I am mostly recovered from such with this AD nightmare experience.  I only incur occasionaly flareups which BTW, are usually much milder than even last year, never mind the year before.

 

If I'm reading your signature correctly..........are you 2 years and one month drug free?  If this is the case, please keep the faith.  Many people, including myself (during this last AD WD experience) still suffered quite badly at the 2 year mark.  TBH, I was expecting to be fully recovered in two years as I was with my xanax experience.  But this didn't occur this time.  I was still pretty bad at the two year mark but things have really been showing good signs of improvement these last few months, despite the recent wave that I just came out of.

 

I have longer windows now (which aren't symptom free but hey, they feel like a blessing compared to where I was) and I did incur a recent bad wave where many old symptoms reappeared but they have now remittted and I'm left with my regular on-going symptoms which can vary hour to hour and can cycle between one symptom and another.

 

Ooooo.,...I'm not doing too well expressing myself ATM and so I better take a break for awhile.  I hope my post is not confusing. 

 

Still Alive

[[va...]]

Vancouvergirl and Marsha........

 

that's three of us who have been "kindled".  I just want to reassure both of you right now.  I was severely kindled upon reinstatement of my AD (a very sedating AD).  The panic and anxiety I had was worse than any and all previous C/T experiences I had HOWEVER, I'm here to tell you that whatever damage has been done re: kindling effect, it DOES get better.

 

I have no more panic attacks and my anxiety levels are laughable now compared to what they were during my violent taper and post-taper.  Believe me, you ladies are going to have a life without anxiety once your CNS recovers more fully.

 

Count on it!

 

 

Still Alive

Yeah we've all been kindled huh? I just wrote to Marsha I DON'T get panic or anxiety. I didn't before benzos either. That's not my deal in this. That benzo induced anxiety and panic are LONG GONE after six months from my c/t. My deal is brain neuro 3 offenders. Head/eye pressure, helium head, and electric brain. And noisy head lol, that I could handle but the movement WITH the orchestra is a bit much so no sleep with the rushing in my brain. It's my GABA receptors that are obviously altered.  It's huge. I don't know when that will split as it's daily constant chronic. Altered. Heat wavy vision from neuro not ocular.    This is why I get worried. I don't see this on the boards as far out and primary like me. Heavy sigh today......xox

 

Vancouvergirl.......

 

I can attest that benzo WD symptoms are similar to AD WD symptoms.  The reason I know is because I've lived the reality plus I've seen so many on various psyche forums.  All of these psyche drugs affect GABA and so many other neurotransmitter systems etc.

 

I, along with many others (in various support forums) had the same head symptoms that yoiu are describing.  I know just how worrisome it can feel and how one can seriously doubt their ability to recover but I had severe head symptoms during xanax C/T (BTW, I had developed tolerance to xanax and was experiencing interdose WD before I C/T from it) and all the very severe head pressure, helium effect, various visual effects and brain zaps (all which were chronic for me during xanax WD as well as this last AD WD).  I did fully recover from such from the xanax experience and I am mostly recovered from such with this AD nightmare experience.  I only incur occasionaly flareups which BTW, are usually much milder than even last year, never mind the year before.

 

If I'm reading your signature correctly..........are you 2 years and one month drug free?  If this is the case, please keep the faith.  Many people, including myself (during this last AD WD experience) still suffered quite badly at the 2 year mark.  TBH, I was expecting to be fully recovered in two years as I was with my xanax experience.  But this didn't occur this time.  I was still pretty bad at the two year mark but things have really been showing good signs of improvement these last few months, despite the recent wave that I just came out of.

 

I have longer windows now (which aren't symptom free but hey, they feel like a blessing compared to where I was) and I did incur a recent bad wave where many old symptoms reappeared but they have now remittted and I'm left with my regular on-going symptoms which can vary hour to hour and can cycle between one symptom and another.

 

Ooooo.,...I'm not doing too well expressing myself ATM and so I better take a break for awhile.  I hope my post is not confusing. 

 

Still Alive

Okay Still. I needed to read this TODAY. You have know idea what this means to me.

 

When I see people that have experience the SAME type of symptoms and say it does go down it is truly truly a huge blessing. Matthew will like this too as he as many of my and apparently your symptoms.

 

Especially when they are "had" and "experienced" at such-great-length. And especially knowing that they eventually leave. Gosh, so you had these with your xanax cold turkey and then with your AD withdrawal. I had no idea that AD's did this, I thought AD w/d came through more in emotional signs even though the base is physiological in that the brain has lost it's natural balance and function from the chemical.

 

Well, I believe you. And there are many that suffered at the 2 year mark? Because I am. It's still chronic strong. Wow. You have my timeline off right. So you see them struggle with the same symptoms like I have and then heal. Okay. And you said, "I have longer windows now (which aren't symptom free but hey, they feel like a blessing compared to where I was) and I did incur a recent bad wave where many old symptoms reappeared but they have now remittted and I'm left with my regular on-going symptoms which can vary hour to hour and can cycle between one symptom and another."

 

Okay, and Still, you express yourself perfectly. Perfectly. You have no idea. I appreciate you being so specific as that helps me a lot. Just me type of personality you know? So you're noticing changes where you are at 31 months. Alright then. Who'd have thought it would take so long still. Who'd have thought>

 

Thankyou so much. I'm really glad all you guys are here. It's nice to have a lil thread here where we can be honest and get reasurrance. It's very much appreciated, everyone sharing on this thread. I hope yours just keeps gettting lighter and lighter since you far out Still. You  deserve it buddy. We all do huh? 

[[va...]]

O Still, what are your regular ongoing cycling symptoms you were referring to in that post to me?

 

Where are ya Colleen, I'm reading you now.............

[[va...]]

[O dear. Your pain is really bad right now huh? Heavy sigh.............and you have so so much on your plate. Too too much. Yes, I don't know how you could possibly look after your mother right now. I don't know.

 

Colleen, I finally got my GP on the same page and she is now asking me about how to help her two patients on klonopin. It was humiliating to bring it up at first as she'd never heard of it. I found a doctor on the internet and he's from the university where I live who endorsed Joan Gatsbys book "Addiction by Prescription" and I emailed him to ask if he would act as liason for me to help educate my GP as I was cornered, she gave me the back the first appt when I brought it up,  and may need short term disability (Horrifying what this has done to my life, horrifying, I am a career woman) and he jumped on board. As it turns out "miracles" at my nest appt when I came in armed. She knew who he was when I handed her the first sheet saying could you make a referral for me to see him and he will then, talk to you.  She subscribes to his newsletters, he's heavily degreed one being pharmacology and talks truths about drugs and prescribing behaviors of docs. And totally 150% understands what happens with benzos and z-drugs.

 

Point being, I did my footwork, now my GP believes it. She respects his group. They are not "big pharma" funded, AND the Canadian Government just CUT his funding. WHY? He's telling the truth. THAT, speaks volumes. My GP finally said to me openly and honestly, "I really had no idea how deep the pockets go in govt and pharmecuetical co's but they do." Funny when you have someone they respect how their attitude shifts. She said, "Many of us were unhappy when they cut his funding." So, I printed a cover page of Ashton's Manual, printed one page here and there all combined  6 random pages, explained, 1) protracted, 2) why we get them, 3)the mechanism of action of the drug from the supplement and manual 4) the physical symptoms that I have 5) the timelines for healing and again it goes beyond a year for many if protracted and I have a sheet for that. 6) tolerance to show I was not an anxiety person and it was drug induced thus longterm prescribing.

 

I'll put together a package for you if you want. A few pages that you can bring to your doctor. Maybe it will help. I had to get mine on the same page. I wrote her a brief and in it I put, "even though I do not trust the medical community anymore as a whole, I need to find a GP, that I do trust." I was very honest. I also wrote "knowing you went to Guatemala a few months back to work in third world helping people for 10 days, I thought perhaps you were more open than many. doctors." Between that and the irony of a research doc she "knows" the door was opened for me. It took work. I'm exhausted from search and find etc. but at least I've got 2 doctors in my corner.

 

Do you what you have to do Colleen. You need support from the medical community if you can get it. I understand how hard this is for you having a strained relationship with your mother and her being so sick. And it's pretty near impossible for you to take this on in your shape. I wish I knew what to suggest that could help you symptom wise. I don't, but I think it may be worth a shot to get your GP on the same page. That would benefit you more in the long run than having to AGAIN hide this very real condition. xoxo   -I'm really sorry for what you are going through Colleen.

[[Co...]]

Hi VCG, thankyou . Would you please send me what you can. Im sort of falling apart and would appreciate your help. This doc is supposed to be very kind....I was told of him by a BB who lives in my area, but Im still really scared. Much love, Colleen

[[Ho...]]

VCG - would you possibly share the name of the doctor who endorsed the book you mentioned? 

H2BFree

[[va...]]

Hi Colleen, I will pm you with the links. It will only be necessary to print the ONE page on each link, nothing below or above. I find less is more when showing the doctors.

 

As well, what I found less confusing in regards to the "mechanism of action" of the drug I copied and pasted it on a word document. JUST that paragraph of how a benzo works, only that. And printed that paragraph on it's own page.

 

My GP actually grabbed that one first (I was stapling in her office lol, running late can't move fast like this) and she immediately skimmed but "got" this was very important. She didn't have to search and find for anything.

 

I'll do that right now. I know you're scared. It could turn out way better than you think. It would be a great outcome for you to have a medical doctor on your side. Let's see if this helps.

 

Love you back. xox 

[[Co...]]

Hi VCG, Ok I will look for your pm. My appt is next Fri, so I can get prepared...also lots of time to get anxious too. Just so hard to get over what happened...I know I need to put it in the past though. Ill try and relax now. It helps so much to know you care. Love, Colleen