Post Benzo Protracted Withdrawal Support Group

[[St...]]

 

Yes, I completely understand.  I hope Matthew reads my message so he can feel reassured.

 

 

I read.  And I needed to read it... It helps with the difficulties I'm enduring at the moment.

 

Thanks.

 

Excellent!

 

Still Alive

[[Ma...]]

The issue with this data is that it is from respondents who finished slow tapers.  Many of us in this protracted state either cold turkeyed or did a very rapid withdrawal.

 

Yes, I didn't find out about slow tapering (slow, as recommended by Ashton and this site) until I was complete with my rapid taper.  I found the prescribing information for Klonopin from Roche Labs, and followed their ludicrous taper schedule:  Drop 0.125 mg. every 3 days.  I thought that was "fast" and dropped 0.125 mg. roughly every week.  I thought that was twice as slow as recommended, I'll be OK.  WRONG!

[[St...]]

By the way, the improvements I have seen this year are:

 

- Better sleep.  I thought my sleep had returned to normal, but this year I have had many more nights of continuous uninterrupted sleep.  I generally sleep 8 - 9 hours per night and rarely ever wake up.

 

- My ability to read has finally returned.  I have been reading books like crazy after not being able to read at all for almost 2 years.

 

- I have less dizziness, fog, and other head symptoms.

 

- My vision has improved - no more floaters (or rarely ever).

 

- A bit less sensitive to substances.  I have been able to handle OTC cold meds, for example, which would have set me off last year.

 

Excellent Ryan.  So glad to hear you are encountering these improvements.  BTW, I too can now handle OTC NSAIDS which I could not tolerate before.

 

In regard to your mention re: this last wave you're in.  Just to share with you and with others.......many times one can experience a wave that is actually worse than some previous waves.  I know it doesn't make sense and I realize that it's commonly understood that waves become less intense as time goes on but this simply isn't always the case.

 

Myself, as well as so many other people have incurred some waves that were nastier than some previous waves.  It can really shakes one's confidence in the recovery process but these nasty waves are not indicative of how far away one is from turning the corner.  Some people can have had some pretty bad waves just before they turn the corner for good.

 

 

Continued Healing to You and Full Recovery!

 

Still Alive

[[va...]]

Thank you VCG for that info - I am going to try to get that book....and he sounds like a good person to know - is he serving as your liaison with your GP?  Perhaps you said he did agree to do that.  If so - so happy for you!  How are things going with your GP now?  Thanks again!

Hoping

You're welcome Hope!! My GP is now on board as of the last meeting. It shouldn't take this long to get support from doctors. Like I said, once she saw a doctor she respects validate this she opened up. But IMO, that is what is lacking for the public. IF we can't get our doctors to believe us with information to validate what we TRY to show them without another doctor to back it, what kind of relationship is that? They have way to much power over our bodies.

 

 

[[va...]]

I'm adding my name to the list here too.  I'm now nearly 20 MONTHS completely off a doc-induced 3/4 cold turkey (it was so severe I nearly died) and am just more than beside myself STILL.  For a majority of all this horrificNESS I endured at home, by myself!!!, without much support (apart from here) or any1 coming to visit.

 

I've now taken myself back to my 75 yr old Mum's in absolute desperation for some help/solutions/support/brain-storming solutions, but she has none, apart from suggesting more prayer. 

 

I'm beyond understanding or being able to hold on any longer........how on earth does every1 else do it????

I'm sorry you're so in the thick of it Ruthie Allison. I remember you from the other site. They had a bad habit of encouraging c/t's to everyone that logged on there even within the timeline to reinstate to taper. This is also what happened to me taking their very bad advice.

 

You know, I am staying now with my senior mother too until I can function daily so I understand where you are there. I used to "help" my family so this change is...........let's just say I am grateful to have any kind of help right now though it's not without it's challenges.

 

We do it one day at a time RuthieAllison. That's how we all do it. Some do less, some more depending on where we are at in it. And realistically, that's all one can do. I wouldn't be surprised if you saw some good changes though come 24 months. We're here for you.

 

 

Thanks for your reply Vancouvergirl.  Just to clarify I didnt CT from bad advice from the other site (BW)...when I had asked Doc to changeover to Diazepam I trusted the doc gave me the correct equivalency dose (from Clonazepam) but found out much later (from a friend & equiv tables) AFTER my taper it was 3/4 the wrong dose - no wonder I just about died & am still suffering so badly now...I didnt actually find too much bad advice from the other site at all really (apart from a few nutjobs)...the msge came thru loud & clear from all my research pre-tapering to go SLOW.  Anyway whats done is done & we're forced to live with the harsh consequences.

 

Yep I too used to be the helper/support for my elderly Mum (& Son) rather than the other way around.  I agree the change is AWFUL.  I agree with you too I'm also very grateful for any support right now as we know we need as much of it as we can get ay?  Just lots of reassurance and wisdom is all we need really and hearing positive changes some1 close to you may have noticed.  The mental/emotional, not being able to recall previous life wisdom etc is the hardest to bear for me now....occassionally I start noticing the "old me" personality wise popping out again.

 

When I wrote that venty post I was right in the middle of a brain meltdown which I have oftentimes during a day.  The cognition just goes haywire.  Regretting I posted it now lol!  Since then I've taken out fish oil from my supplements suspecting that it may have been overstimulating an already oversensitive/stimulated CNS & the very next day my voice was ALMOST back to normal for a couple of hours for the 1st time in 20 months - with stress (that same day) it went back to constantly pulling/distorted again though...but at least that change was ENCOURAGING to know I'm on the right track of what to do!!! The old rules/wisdom to "normal" ppl/circumstances simply do NOT apply anymore, so new wisdom is called for.  When I can hear my gut instincts I normally follow those on what to do, although its good to have some1 to talk it over with too.  For a long time I've gone on the theory of supps helping support the body to heal & normally/generally that is true...so I'm just going to rule out 1 at a time, SLOWLY to see if I experience any more positive changes.  I'll still stick to my Vit C though as that certainly seems to help ALOT cog-wise. And more little naps throughout the day when I have to shut everything out temporarily...

 

I'm sorry that you too are in the same boat...I totally understand how discouraging, frustrating & disheartening that is...yep you are right 1 day at a time is all we can do SIGH..... I just take my hat off to YOU &  EVERY1 else for managing with such hidden challenges & for so long!!!  I will try to keep you all in my prayers for encouraging breakthroughs and changes...

 

Also just to any1 else reading this - I noticed since stopping the Fish Oil that all the little all-over-body random muscle twitches & spasms have STOPPED too.  I also went & got a massage to try & unlock some of the stiff & weak muscles.  That helped too.  Since then I also feel a LITTLE bit more strength muscle-wise.

 

Boy I so know what you mean about the brain getting so quickly and easily fatigued!!!  I am super grateful now for ANY times of it being able to work & think reasonably clearly, but so frustrating & discouraging when it reverts back to super foggy/fatigued again (most of the day still).  I also notice I must be connecting up to my emotions now more too (from totally numb) but boy that is super fatiguing/exhausting too!!!  I suppose we are getting there, its just so subtle and sooooo slow...

 

Yip I hope you are right about the 2 year off mark...4 more months to go...in the meantime I hope you too experience some major positive changes AND SOON!!!  Sorry thats all the brain will allow me to post for now....hope I got my points, sentiments and tips across reasonably clearly...

 

Hugs and Prayers, Ruth

Hey Ruthie, I wasn't clear. I didn't mean that the old site talked you into c/ting, I meant I was doubtful they gave you good advice when you came in. But you had a different experience than I did there so that is good. I didn't find them very in the know. So your doctor gave the wrong equivalency and you didn't know, sorry Ruthie. And that started you off unstable. There you go. I'm glad you notice the old you coming in sometimes. I've a ways to go with that. Too much movement to get comfortable. Sheesh. It's just pops in though huh? Gotta ways to go too though don't you?

I get nerve burning with fishoil capsuls so it's funny you said that. You refer to the overstimulation from it again here. I wonder what's in it to do that? It really does start me burning on my face, brows, strip on top of brain if I am not burning it starts it back up so I finally connected the dots and quit taking it. I completely understand when you say you thought you needed body support but now your are thinking less is more. Is that right? And you got your voice back briefly!! 1rst time in 20 months. Wow wow. That's so so great to hear. So great!! Hopefully that will happen again. A little breakthrough but breakthrough nonetheless.

I like how you said, hidden challenges. So true. I'm scattered and went back to your first paragraph.  I think I can say WE can all relate to the brain meltdown. Wow. That is a very strange thing to experience. It can be strong, you feel the brain go, "I can't do this right now. Stop trying to process and understand things. It's too much work." And you're sometimes connecting to your emotions more too huh? That is great to hear Ruthie Allison. Won't it be nice when it's not just increments but normal and fluid.

Well, I sure hope you see changes in the next quarter. It's strange in that I used to go month to month but I'm finding for me it's more realistic to go in quarters. But that's different for everyone too with us all being so individual in our make up isn't it?

 

Hugs and prayers to you too Ruthie Allison and thankyou for stopping by you.    Another angel among us..............xoxox

[[va...]]

Hello everyone,

 

Well I am 14 months out as I posted before and I am in a bad wave right now. I am dissappointed because I was so sure I would be great for this holiday. I am better than last year this time and I can say I have improved some but it is so little and taking so long. I guess I am just looking for a little reassurance that time will heal and I will get better. Right now I am having so many doubts. I still have many w/s. Muscles still hurt, head still has pressure, sinus, eyes hurt, ear pain, mouth pain ect. I get windows but they are never 100%. Will all of this ever end? I sometimes think this is going to be my life now. Thanks everyone for listening.

 

Rain

Hi Rain, I was exactly where you were at 14 months. I've not had waves per se as it's chronic but maybe you just meant it got stronger in intensity for you recently? Okay yes, you don't have 100% clear windows but at times somewhat less intensity. It's not uncommon at all at your timeline. I know many at 14 months out that lived right there as well. I really hope you get a break soon and I'm so sorry it's happening so close to Xmas. I was saying to my mom who is down south, it's hard to believe I've missed Xmas's and summers in this and it's sucks. Makes no sense. You are never complaining, ever. We need support here and you have a lot of stuff to contend with. I remember talking to you with some "same issues" in physical head. You've got lots of head stuff.  It will get better and less intense for you, I just wish I knew when. Sorry Rain. xoxox

[[va...]]

Sign me up.  I am 31 months off and still have head symptoms, muscle pain and sleep issues.

Hi manland, okay buddy, we got you on the list. Seems that further out I see lots of physical head stuff. Is it just me? I wonder if you get hit in those areas it takes longer? I hope you get some changes Manland soon. 31 months off huh. Merry Xmas Manland. Seems strange saying that like this sometimes......................xoxoxox

[[va...]]

My head feels like it,s gonna explode 2day,I am so sick of feelin lightheaded and dizzy all the time,I don,t know how I put up with this,this long,and when u don,t sleep it gets worst as with the trouble walking,it all goes 2gether in clusters for me,UHG! :(

Sorry Angel. I hope it slows down a bit for you huh? xoxoxo -you've been going through this wave for a bit too. Yeah it does go together in clusters for me too. Man.......

[[li...]]

If this site hasn't saved me enough, this thread alone has brought much piece of mind, which is wonderful especially this time of year.  I am praying for Christmas miracles for all of us and for ones just starting out, as they will need our prayers.

 

I hope everyone can enjoy some part of the holiday!

 

Still Alive - You hit every topic of my GI problems, especially the part about tolerating foods one month, then can't have it, then you can.  I've been doing that for quite some time.  Today I am not scared, and I thank you for that.  I will continue to wait for my happy ending.

 

Vancouvergirl - I miss you!  You have been a wonderful friend of support for a long time.

 

And to the rest of my Protracted friends - I wish you the best in health and happiness

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

[[va...]]

Gosh Still, thankyou for the kind words. .........    It seems there are many angels here in cyberspace in you and the others. There are so many caring people in our community aren't there? Thankgoodness.

 

Yes, I am 26 months and 4 days off. Hard to believe. I don't think I acknowledge my time off in the other posts. Oops...

 

Don't rush posting back, I had projects today that didn't get done being here. My bad.........

I so get it. After using my brain for a day, it's toast. It's hard to believe the brain gets so so tired.

 

I hope you can get some rest too. I'm off. xo

 

 

Hi VCG,

 

You're most welcome and yes, there are many great people on this forum although I'm not able to engage nor interact anywhere near as often as I wish I could.

 

I'm here too much lol.

 

Oh okay..........so you are 26 months off.  Just hang on since, at ths stage of the game, things will start to show improvements over the next few months.

 

You promise??

 

I'm so sorry I couldn't respond to your question yesterday but I was feeling very mentally and physically overloaded and consequently, had to cease any further discussion.  I"m sorry that your mind went to toast as well.  You are so right re: just how mentally fatigued we can become.  I hope you are feeling a bit better today.

 

Thankyou for that. And no comment on that one. (lol)

 

BTW, I wish to sincerely thank you for acknowledging my suffering in one of your previous posts.  I realize that you are in the thick of your own suffering yet, you still take the time and energy to acknowledge what I have been through.  I'm so sorry I forgot to thank you and highlight this aspect in my previous post.  I was running low on mental and physical energy at the time.

 

Please don't apologize, it's amazing we can come here and post at times

 

To answer your question re: my current symptoms.

 

Symptoms remaining at 31 months off my last psyche drug:

 

Itchy skin:  I still deal with itching (especially on my back but also on ankles and sometimes on hands) however, this is a far cry better than constant intense whole body itching.  I used to feel as if I had poison ivy degree itching all over my body.  So, while I still incur itching, it is intermittent and only on a few areas.  I do have more intense flare-ups but they don’t last long.

 

Crawly skin:  description same as above.

 

Isn't that something? I had that and it left at about 10 months. If felt like bugs to me. But it was just this. I'm glad the fare ups are shorter lived and less intense.

 

Sleep problems (usually only sleep for 4 hours straight and must take a nap during day).  With that said, my sleep in deeper (more sound) which is an extremely important point to focus on.  I have had some short spells (few days in a row) of sleeping for 6 hours straight and from time to time I have had 7 hours sleep and on two occasions have slept for 8 hours.  These are very good signs that eventually sleep will be restored.

 

I have napped just a few times this month. Finally. But then I can't sleep all over again. I like what I am seeing in your perhaps sleep cycle changing though. Mine was trying this month, 4 longer sleeps but still choppy with 5 wake ups and light. But like you said, signs it will be restored. (Exhausting though for all of us isn't it?)

 

Also, I am able to lay in bed for an hour after waking which is a sign that my body is able to relax.  This is so important since, I used to snap awake with extreme anxiety and could not lay in bed.  I still do get a morning cortisol dump but it is mild and consequently, I can lay in bed for about an hour after waking.

 

Okay, milder cortisol dump now which is good. I'm glad your body is feeling more relaxed too.  That's something.

 

Depression:  This is a huge issue for me and has been pretty chronic in nature.  I also feel very traumatized and have a hard time being alone but I have no choice but to deal with it since, I live alone.  The aloneness factor compounds the depression and trauma factors.  The last 3 months have been brutal in way of depression (major crying spells and feelings of desperation) especially in the early parts of the day however, if I keep myself mentally distracted it helps.  Humour  and filling my mind with inspirational stuff helps a lot, as long as I keep engaged in such.

 

I have situational depression. Long time to be altered and everyday is the same still. I was alone till 14 1/2 months and it was hard. But then when I relocated to recover, it seems it was easier in that I didn't feel self conscious around strangers. My mother's finacee. Catch22. Crying jags I'm familiar with. What's with that? Man, this drug is hard on the brain. It's so a side effect. I can feel it. I told Whoopsie, I don't want to cry, but my brain does. Keeping engaged in positive has been challenging for me. But you're right in that it does help doesn't it? Some similarities Still.

 

As soon as I cease such engagement, I plummet into very bad states.  Distracting via household tasks do not help me one bit.  In fact, I feel more alone, more depressed, more frustrated.  Consequently, I spend a lot of time on-line researching anything that fills my mind with positive distraction.

 

Yip, there you go, if you cease the engagement it plummets. It's challenging for you too then. Yes, I research a lot of things to while in this shape. A mind vacation isn't it?

 

Fatigue and lack of stamina.  I’m still dealing with fatigue however, not as often and not as profound.  I will get hit with short spells of it IF I do too much.  Eg. I went out shopping two days I a row (few hours each time) and by the third day I was completely depleted.  I did nothing the 3rd day ………just rested and I feel a bit better today.

 

I can totally relate to all of that. It's huge lol.

 

With all that said, I still have great difficulty keeping up with basics around the house.  Laundry piles up, household cleaning tasks go unattended to etc.  However, with that said, I'm still doing far better than even 6 months ago.  eg. preparing a meal is doable now whereas 6 months ago it felt like an olympic activity that I was unqualified to perform.  (lol)

 

Boy do I hear you. I was a clean freak before this and EVERYTHING in it's place. I did the bathroom last night and was so proud, you'd have thought I'd have gone up Mt. Kilimanjaro. Regular things become an Olympic activity. It's amazes me how this affects so many things. Don't you have a new respect for the human brain?

 

Cognitive Problems:  still deal with this but it fluctuates.  I can become very mentally overloaded easily and grasp for words, have difficulty writing etc.  My mind can feel very disorganized and overwhelmed particularly if I’m trying to learn anything new (even minor mental tasks if I’m entering unfamiliar territory).

 

I actually teared up at a wicket at a govt office talking to a lady last week. Couldn't pull the right words and brain stopped. So embarrassing. I completely relate to this. Completely Still. Wow. Yes to all of it.

 

Still can't read anything lengthy.  My mind becomes racy, disorganzied and overwhelmed.

 

Yip. My thought process is still way too fast. Constant. It's hard to I am overwhelmed like that and reading is, I go over the same sentence and finally put the book down.

 

Bone pain and tooth pain:  Still incur this although not as severe and not as often.

 

Okay. Where do you have bone pain. It comes and goes in my face. I have no tooth pain but metal teeth feel top left. I'm glad it's not as severe or often for you.

 

Chemical sensitivities:  especially to cigarette smoke.  This is still pretty bad.

 

Yip, same. I quit smoking, I did off and on and it was so bad for symptoms.

 

Anxiety:  Still incur this symptom but it is laughable compared to what it used to be.  Also still deal with feelings of fear and agoraphobia however, again, these have significantly lessened in severity.

 

I'm glad it's laughable to what is was. Benzo anxiety is unreal. I don't want to leave the house as too overstimulating physically. Perhaps not agoraphobia but same effect?

 

Ruminations, obsessive thoughts:  still deal with this but again, so much less so.  Used to be plagued at insane levels. 

 

That's a constant for me still with the rapid thought process. THIS is where doctors need to find their information. We guneau pigs can talk but no one listens. All the clinical trials are right here.

 

Emotional liability:  Still quite emotionally sensitive although not to the tsunamic proportions that it used to be.  Still do feel very bereaved about many things (which anyone would be considering many of the losses that I have incurred) although, I seem to be able to handle the bereavement a bit better although the last several months were very intense.  Things seem to be easy up a bit this past week.

 

I completely relate Still!! Me too, much much loss. Wow, one whole week of a bit easier........not a lot of time for that you. I don't think that aspect will go for me until I'm healed more and in life. You have a way with words.

 

IF I wasn't aware of WD induced depression, I'd be running for psychiatric and psychological help since, the degree of depression is very intense (to suicidal proportions many times).  I hope I'm past the worse of that phase.

 

Same.

 

Body temperature fluctuations:  Still incur body warmth/heat as soon as I wake in the mornings and I incur slight body chills each evening (usually later in the evening).  Yesterday I had mild body chills, skin shivers all day.  It was a bad flare-up day for this particular symptom but today, it’s not an issue.

 

Okay, and I just get the chills. That's pretty unsteady for you I see.

 

Hypoglycemic conditions:  still deal with this although not the extreme attacks that I used to have.  My insulin levels are still off significantly enough, despite eating properly.  It’s like my insulin receptors don’t’ “get” that I just ate.  (lol)  BTW, I’m not diabetic but I sure feel like I am.

 

I don't get that as much but have to eat smaller more to keep it down. So I hear you.

 

Derealization and Depersonalization:  still dealing with this however, not to the extreme.  I'm getting many windows where I feel half connected to life and half disconnected which is better than feeling completely disconnected at all times.

 

It's hard to feel connected with so much going on isn't it? And this definitely blocks us to a degree from what it does to the brain.

 

Other symptoms:  sneezy, stuffed up, IBS, light shock sensation in pit of right palm, occasional brain zaps, light prickly skin sensations in few spots,  sweaty feet and underarms  and a few more symptoms but these all come in cycles and are much milder and shorter lived than in previous stages where they were extreme in nature and unrelenting.  They are very bearable and would not stop me from living life.

 

Yes, if not for my physical head stuff my other wouldn't stop me either. Man though, still brain shocks for you and shock sensations. Sheesh. Long time.

 

The things that are most troubling are the fatigue (at times), low mental and physical stamina, cognitive impairments, sleep problems and depression.  These are the main symptoms that restrict my ability to engage in life but I have every confidence that these, along with so many other symptoms, will greatly remit over the next 5 to 6 months.  The reason I believe this is because I consider how much progress has been made over the last 6 months and use this to gauge how much more progress will be made over the next 6 months.

 

Okay, so that's where your at. It's still quite a bit Still. I'm glad you noticed so much change in the last 5 to6 months though. I really really hope for you that you have major changes in the next 6 months to get  most of this out of the way or at least remarkable progress in lessening. I really do. We all need to get back into life. Big time. This is no way to just survive. It's challenging at the very least.

 

I know this isn’t very well written but TBH, I have trouble talking about my symptoms since, it traumatizes me due to being through SO MANY past psyche drug WD experiences.  I’m sure I won’t feel as traumatized 6 months from now.

 

Gosh I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's strange, I know people who get traumatized talking about it and others benefit. Strange how we are all so different tackling this on some levels. Mind you, you have been through the mill. For real. I'm so glad you are getting progress at least to show you that you will be able to put this behind you. It needs to come to an end for you.

 

All that said, it may seem to others that I still suffer from many symptoms but I was a very extreme case (had about 85 - 90 percent of all possible symptoms one can have and had them to the extreme due to kindling and complete tolerance WD) but, despite not being able to live much of a life still, I'm so much better than what I was.

 

Again, I hear you. I'm thinking people here don't think it's that's strange you being far out with many symptoms. It seems on this thread, it's looking to be normal.

 

I remember when I couldn't even gently sweep the floor without it making me violently sick.  I couldn't even walk up a few stairs without feeling completely wiped out, with laboured breathing, intense leg muscle pain etc. etc.  I can now easily lightly jog up and down the stairs most days without hardly missing a beat.  This is major improvement!

 

Gosh Still, the first year for me was brutal too. Like your describing. Lot's of bed time. Can you believe this does this to us and jogging down stair as a big deal? I used to run 5 miles a day 5 days a weak. Piece of cake back then. Wow.

 

Almost all of my extreme head symptoms are mostly gone.  Only an odd brain zap that remains. and an odd dizzy whooshing sensation that usually hits when I'm in bed.  I used to have extreme dizzines, balance problems and many intense brain zaps, head pressure, helium head etc.

 

You had all of that crap huh? Okay, I still live here. I'm glad they are mostly gone for you. Still the dizzies sometimes though and brain shocks. Lot's of physical head stuff huh?

 

I'm certain that I'm leaving out many other details since, there was so much that I suffered from.  BTW, please forgive any repeats within this message.  If I take too much time to try to edit I will land up not posting due to feeling mentally overwhelmed (lol).

 

I hear you and I'll quit asking you so many questions lol. I really appreciate you post thought. I really do.

 

BTW, I just came out of a bad wave at the 30 month mark where many old symptoms reappeared but they have mostly remitted now.  It did feel extremely discouraging at the time however, I'm doing better now.  I just have to hang in there for a few more months.  By springtime, I should be doing even better.

 

Jeepers, at 30. And I read your post to another saying bad waves far out aren't always weak either. I'm so glad they have mostly remitted. Easy to get discourage that far out thought isn't it?

 

In closing..........I very much feel for what you have been through and continue to endure.  I'm so sorry this has happened to you!  The kindling type of WD is so brutal...........the sensitization of the CNS is in the extreme range.  BTW, not to minimize any other type of WD experience.  They are all torturous journeys and everyone suffers badly, has lost so much of themselves and their lives in the process of trying to recover from these toxic drugs.

 

Thanks still. I just can't believe professionals think chemicals are safe for our body therefore tell us they are safe and we believe them because of where they sit. Holy smokes. Who would have thought? Brutal. Thankgoodness it ends.

 

Recovery will occur one way or another.  We just have to wait out the process and as we all know, it requires an incredible degree of patience.

 

don't remind me lol.

 

Peace, Healing and Full Recovery to You VCG,

 

You too Still, I hope you see remarkable changes soon. I really do.

 

Still Alive

 

Merry xmas.

 

[[Fl...]]

Thanks vancouvergirl for answering my post. Your words of encouragement meant a lot to me. Thanks for your support.

 

Have a great holiday.

 

Rain

[[we...]]

thanks girls for keeping this thread alive. It has rekindled my interest in reading this forum. I read it every day but I don't contribute every day. My brain seem to be entering a phase of blankness. It's a lot better than panic, but not very inspired to do anything, just getting through the day. I have so many aches and pains that my brain seems to focus on that exclusively.

[[Co...]]

Hi Wellness, its hard for me to think of anthing else but my painful feet and mouth. Im sorry you are in such pain. Physical pain can really take a toll. Hope you get some relief soon. Colleen

[[va...]]

By the way, the improvements I have seen this year are:

 

- Better sleep.  I thought my sleep had returned to normal, but this year I have had many more nights of continuous uninterrupted sleep.  I generally sleep 8 - 9 hours per night and rarely ever wake up.

 

- My ability to read has finally returned.  I have been reading books like crazy after not being able to read at all for almost 2 years.

 

- I have less dizziness, fog, and other head symptoms.

 

- My vision has improved - no more floaters (or rarely ever).

 

- A bit less sensitive to substances.  I have been able to handle OTC cold meds, for example, which would have set me off last year.

Holy cock a moley Ryan. You kicked out a lot.

 

You said in a further out post I am almost 26 months off a rapid taper and still having problems.  The past few weeks had been quite good and last week I felt about 99% normal - better than I have felt since before I started taking benzos.  But alas, I have endured yet another wave this week.

 

My main issue right now is severe fatigue.  I also have heart palpitations, itching, and a twitch in my left foot that has NEVER gone away (the only symptom that doesn't stop even in a window).  I also still have major sensitivities to chemicals, have developed food allergies during withdrawal that are still bothering me, and am still pretty intolerant to intense exercise. 

 

Boy lot's of stuff but improvements though huh? I can't believe you almost felt normal though. I can't wait for that. And yes it's frustrating, especially when you get a taste of freedom I'll bet.

 

Your date is close to mine. After the v and then Ambien in Oct 26th , 2009 and I am Oct, 27th. Sharil is close in days as well.

 

It sounds like you're getting improvements and I'm so glad you can sleep. I'll bet that makes a difference and it's a good sign of healing isn't it. I guess you still have a ways to go but you're seeing good signs so I'm happy for you and you're added to our list. I hope you end up with one permanent long window soon.

 

So Ryan and Manland are added:

 

23 members protracted 18 months and beyond. (Of those 15 are past 24 months.)

 

10 members in the timeframe of 11 - 18 months.

 

 

 

[[va...]]

Hi LisLis, you've been there for me too in a big way, we shared a lot of good information!!

 

Angel, have you looked at your pic? We look a lot alike. Strange huh? We could be twins lol 

 

Hi Colleen and Wellness and Florida and Whoopsie, and Manland,Still Alive, Ryan, Mal, Dub, Cupcake, Marsha, Albie, Matthewonline, Paresthia, Believe, Ginia, Hoping2befree, Timetoheal, Dpete, Ali 809, offof benzo, helpme123, angel58413, jarocho2003,recovering from benzos, mcduck123, BillyF, Twitch, Krug, Helena, LisLis, Puffin, Jacob151,KID,Ruthie Allison, Tropical soul,

Vertigo, Sharil, Trig, Marsha D,Malcontentsia 44..........I think that's everyone that jumped in here.

 

Looks like I missed some people in our numbers (42ish?) although a few above are earlier out. Here is a little Merry Christmas for all of you that jumped in to share and support each other here a little longer out, a ways to go before we all get home. You guys are all very wonderful people and I hope somehow where ever you are in this, you have some peace over the next few days. xoxo

 

http://ak.imgag.com/imgag/product/preview/flash/bws8Shell_fps24.swf?ihost=http://ak.imgag.com/imgag&brandldrPath=/product/full/el/&cardNum=/product/full/ap/3166187/graphic1

 

[[va...]]

(((((Wellness&Colleen))))))

[[St...]]

Dear VCG........

 

I have read your response to me and I will answer your questions in a day or two.

 

Thank you so much for the lovely message and Xmas Ecard to all of us.  It was very heartwarming to receive both and I'm wishing you and everyone:

 

Very Merry Xmas and a New Year Full of Healing and Recovery!!! 

 

 

Still Alive

[[li...]]

Still Alive - I have one more GI questions, I hope you don't mind.  Did you used to get bloated about 2-4 hours after eating?  I am hoping this is just withdrawal too.  Sometimes, which is probably from food issues, my stomach gets so tight that it feels like a rock. 

[[Ho...]]

Thank you for the e-card to all of us VCG - you are a special person - I wish you and all the rest of us rapid healing and getting our lives back in this new year coming up!!!!!

Love and Courage

Hoping2Bfree

[[li...]]

21 months out and currently major GI issues, however for the past month or so, I have been having tender and sore muscle pain and tingling on the front of both legs betweeen my knees and ankles.  It wasn't as bad and seemed to be going away, but now it is back with a vengance 24/7.

 

I also feel like I have nerve pain up my neck on my left side, espcecailly when I turn my head to the right.  I notieced that it travels to my left year and there is sore spot.  I was pushing on it for a while tonight trying to figure this out and I noticed as I pushed, I felt it go up my head and now my whole head is tingling.  What the heck happened with that!

 

I also just feel so much worse than I did several months ago and being this far out, I so can't believe I am going through this much distress again. 

 

Another holiday in the clinker.

[[li...]]

bump

[[va...]]

I am so sorry you are feeling worse than you did a few months ago LisLis. GI and muscle pain and nerve stuff going on in your legs. Nerve stuff neck to head too huh? Geeze. 24/7, that's my lucky number. Sorry LisLis. Nerve stuff in you legs and your head........I wonder what set that off? Makes no sense..... 

 

I'm always looking where this gets people you know. For some of us even with the physical it's different in that mine is mostly right in my brain,  interior, not as much on the exterior. My eye pain and tense muscles around eyes, occipital bone area tenseness and squeezing feelings on my face and head, they are just that, exterior feelings I could work around. But my interior helium head and crap, it just won't leave and THIS is was taking me out of the game of life. Man....

 

I've known you a long time now LisLis. You've been through the mill with setbacks not because you did anything wrong. Your body changed post benzo, so sensitive. It reacted differently to things it would have otherwise pre benzo, been okay with. I'm really sorry you're struggling so far you along with the rest of us.

 

I really hope this calms down for you soon so you can be back on more solid ground.

 

xoxoxo

[[be...]]

Just about 24 months,

 

Still have ALOT of GI stuff, the same achy tingling in my legs from the knees down slight DR, depression, slight cognitive dysfunction and anxiety during my days.  And that during my daytime windows!!

 

At night all h*ll breaks loose again with Severe DR, intrusive thoughts, no preception of time, major cog issues, suicidal idealizations, feeling like im going to explode from the pressure inside my body and abdomen mainly, insomia, vibrating. 

 

My waves have gotten worse mentally this last couple of weeks.  Xmas was a total bust.  ugh.    Spent it alone, crying and out of my mind basically.

 

Oh, well.  Maybe i'll heal completely in 2012.  Just in time for the world to end.  lol

 

[[St...]]

Hi VCG......

 

Thank you so much for ALL of your feedback, understanding, sympathies and sharing in your previous post to me.  It really felt good to read your responses although, at the same time, it very much saddens me to hear of all  have been through and continue to go through.

 

I wrote: Bone pain and tooth pain:  Still incur this although not as severe and not as often.

 

Your response: Okay. Where do you have bone pain. It comes and goes in my face. I have no tooth pain but metal teeth feel top left. I'm glad it's not as severe or often for you.

 

Thank you for your concerned feedback and being glad that I have found some relief in this symptoms.

 

In response to your question: I had bone pain in many areas of my body as well as my face.  Face pain was in my cheek bones, jaw bones and in the bridge of my nose.  The pain felt like it was deep within the bones themselves rather than surface pain.

 

So glad you do not have the tooth pain to contend with.  Such pain can become very bad and it's difficult to know if one actually needs to see a dentist.  For example the other day I had a bad flareup in one tooth where I swear to God it felt like an abscess type of pain but it went away the next day.  I feel blessed that it was that short lived since, I've gone through hell just with the tooth pain alone.

 

Your mention of "metal teeth" do you mean that you have a metallic taste in your mouth?

 

BTW, I forgot to mention another type of head symptom.  I used to have this constant pain in the right side of my head for the longest time.  Eventually,  it did  ease up but would tend to reappear for spells.  At this point of WD is does reappear but only briefly (couple days in a row or for a few hours at a time) and the pain is much less intense.  It's more like a dull pain rather than intense at this stage of the game.

 

I also used to get ice-pick jabs in my head that were very painful although they would only last seconds at a time.  Severe headaches were another issue as well but those have mostly disappeared at this stage of WD (31 months off the drug).  Intense burning sensations within my brain.  This was not scalp burning (had that too BTW) but rather, the brain itself felt like it was on fire.

 

Just editing to add another "bone-head" symptom (LOL).  The whole top of my skull bone was painful (in the bone itself) not just scalp pain.  And if I pressed on my skull it would pain even more.  Gosh, this post is having me recall so many head symptoms that have disappeared.

 

 

I'm so sorry you deal with varying head symptoms VCG.  They are horrible (as you know), especially the head pressure/helium head.  It really restricts one's movements and activities in a huge way!

 

I'm also sorry to hear that you are suffering from depression as well.  Again, this symptom can really restrict one's ability to engage and function.

 

ALL of your symptoms WILL eventually ease in intensity and finally remit.  It's my sincerest wish for you to be rid of these horrid symptoms in the very near future so you can begin to live more fully.

 

You WILL recover from all of this!  It's a PROMISE!!

 

 

Still Alive

[[St...]]

Still Alive - I have one more GI questions, I hope you don't mind.  Did you used to get bloated about 2-4 hours after eating?  I am hoping this is just withdrawal too.  Sometimes, which is probably from food issues, my stomach gets so tight that it feels like a rock.

 

Hi lislis.........

 

sorry it's taken me a while to respond to you but things have been a bit busier here due to Xmas, not to mention, I've been feeling quite mentall lethargic which greatly inhibits my ability to construct my thoughts in written form.

 

In response to your post:  No I don't mind your questions lislis and I'm glad to share what I, and other have experienced during WD in an effort to assist you at this time.

 

I did experience bad bloating after eating.  Sometimes, it would occur right away and other times it would hit me a couple hours later.  My stomach would also bloat out.  Many people referred to it as "benzo belly" where one can look pregnant. (lol)  I laugh, but as we all know, it's not funny.  This abdominal protrusion can also feel quite solid/rock hard.

 

I would also experience extreme fatigue and/or lethargy after eating..........feeling as if I was heavily drugged.

 

Tight feelings in the stomach as well as feeling rock hard is something that I and many people experience.  I had just about every type of WD induced digestive symptom possible and they have mostly disappeared except for occasional flareups of IBS.  I'm close to being 100 percent better when it comes to my stomach functioning (only an occasional nausea attack which it usually short lived and mild in nature).  That's a million times better than the violent stomach problems I used to have.

 

BTW, the stomach can produce painful sensations as well as tightness, especially in the solar plexus area.  I used to have both of these symptoms as well and they were very painful ........pain could be boring in nature.  Again, this is all WD related and I assure you that these symptoms will very much remit over the course of time.  I know how hard this is for you to endure and I'm so sorry you are going through this but one day, you WILL be FREE from this agony.

 

I hope you will experience some good recovery in the very near future.

 

 

Still Alive