Post Benzo Protracted Withdrawal Support Group

[[Ja...]]

@[li...] ).

 

Btw, just in case the troll reads this, I'm clean and have been clean for the past 5 years off the other stuff...28 months benozo free as well!

 

(Note: I know troll will also said "Oh he's still sick because he tried this other stuff", which I know by looking at other people is not true, most people who quit the other drug are sick for a month (and not that sick either) and move on to deal with just cravings).

 

Ed

[[Ja...]]

I am 18+ months out and still having a tough time. i really hope these next 6 months start showing some more hope... -Jacob

[[va...]]

Hi Jacob, I remember you. I'm so sorry you are having a tough time and it's been so long. I sure hope things ease up for you soon.

 

Some for you Florida Lady. I remember you as well.

I guess we all heal together don't we.

 

There's 3 more now on the thread between both groups:

(Puffin's Hubby, 18+ Florida Lady11-18+, and Jacob18+.)

 

13 members protracted 18 months and beyond. (Of those 6 are past 24 months.)

 

10 members in the timeframe of 11 - 18 months.

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

maybe they aren't comfortable posting on this thread. 

 

Hello- I tried posting last night but it's really hard for me to feel comfortable posting anyplace but Buddie Space which is protected by the need to log in to be able to view. 

 

Your right  :'( there are quite a few of us still plagued by symptoms a very long time off Benzos.  :'(

 

Burning Mouth Syndrome has been the very worst one for me since about a week after my freedom date.  :'( It's awful and in my case WAS absolutely blamed on Benzo's by two physicians.  I have MANY more symptoms as do my friends in Buddie space. I don't say lots about it as it's pretty much a given with us "old timers/long time members of BB in Buddie Space" what we mean when we say we are in a wave or just from the tones of our notes. Hope that made sense?

 

Just wanted to let you know your not alone, I'm here beside you wishing things were different. 

 

Thinking of you and wishing you all healing.

 

KID

[[we...]]

I am two days short of 11 months, and I really don't feel like celebrating. With each passing day, it becomes clear that I sustained brain damage. I went on the website for brain injury

 

http://www.headinjury.com/checktbi.htm

 

I am so angry.

 

Now I have to learn acceptance, I have to accept that these drugs completely trashed my life, I have to accept that while I was not feeling pain I injured my body, I have to accept that I now have chronic pain, I have to accept that I will probably never get back to my job, I had to accept that probably will be fired, I have to accept that the insurance company is cut me loose because they won't believe this story, I have to accept that no doctor believes this, I have to accept that I will be humiliated by every doctor.

 

I have to accept that I have worked my entire life for retirement that is now uncertain.  I have to accept that my long-term relationship is now hanging by a thread.  I have to accept that after 11 months, I have healed to the point where I can now read for a half hour a day.  I have to accept that I have to fight for my life every day, that I have difficulty with the basic requirements of life like getting dressed, eating, sleeping, and being able to walk.

 

I'm told to stop taking the role of a victim, to accentuate the positive. Seriously, which part did I miss. What am I not getting.

 

[[Ho...]]

Wellness - please don't despair.  I just checked out that list of brain damage symptoms and so many of them are also benzo w/d symptoms.  Stammering, stuttering, having trouble starting something, inability to concentrate and on and on and on.

You are only 11 months out - please give yourself more time to heal.  You can see how many of us are on this thread - and there are more on the Buddie Space thread who are still suffering for a long time. 

    I know the fear you are feeling right now - to think that your life, as you knew it, is over.  We all feel that way, but please give it time, don't give up, don't despair.  These drugs are cruel and they fool our mind - but hang on - give it more time - I still can't read a book, but I believe it will come back.  You have to believe it too. 

Love and courage to you

Hoping

[[Ho...]]

I also wanted to say about Buddie Space - now I see where most protracted people have gone - there are a lot more of us suffering long term than I ever imagined....Check out the Buddie Space and there will be more people to add to our list.

Hoping

[[Ja...]]

11 months out is protracted? Maybe by definition that's correct, but I know a lot of people who were as sick as I was at 11 months out and MOST were fine by 18 months free...hang in there, it might not take as long for you wellness...

 

Ed

[[va...]]

You're right Ed,  18 is protracted. I posted that was the "technical" protracted number but I we all figured if it's intense for some not at 18,  we could have 18 plus and between 11 and 18 for another group but on the same thread here. 

 

And you're right Ed, some are just fine at 18 months if they have a few months to go before they get there.

 

 

 

 

[[va...]]

I am two days short of 11 months, and I really don't feel like celebrating. With each passing day, it becomes clear that I sustained brain damage. I went on the website for brain injury

 

http://www.headinjury.com/checktbi.htm

 

I am so angry.

 

Now I have to learn acceptance, I have to accept that these drugs completely trashed my life, I have to accept that while I was not feeling pain I injured my body, I have to accept that I now have chronic pain, I have to accept that I will probably never get back to my job, I had to accept that probably will be fired, I have to accept that the insurance company is cut me loose because they won't believe this story, I have to accept that no doctor believes this, I have to accept that I will be humiliated by every doctor.

 

I have to accept that I have worked my entire life for retirement that is now uncertain.  I have to accept that my long-term relationship is now hanging by a thread.  I have to accept that after 11 months, I have healed to the point where I can now read for a half hour a day.  I have to accept that I have to fight for my life every day, that I have difficulty with the basic requirements of life like getting dressed, eating, sleeping, and being able to walk.

 

I'm told to stop taking the role of a victim, to accentuate the positive. Seriously, which part did I miss. What am I not getting.

I could have written a lot of this Wellness. I've always said to people, where you were coming in on this is may not be where you land coming out.

 

And I've said I know I will heal but it's "when" as I was losing things the longer it takes. Then I just lost everything.

 

I'm very sorry, I understand and can relate to your words though I wish I couldn't.

 

That said, in a scenario when one is NOT healed yet to pick up the pieces, talking about the truth where you are at because of it, is NOT playing victom.

 

Accentuating the positive will be easier REALISTICALLY to do when you are healed and able to move forward an inch and clear some dust to see the positive as you'll be able to restart and CREATE it.

 

And THIS creating after benzowithdrawal could be a feat you may otherwise not have had to undertake. Therefore making it luminous again. 

 

It can be challenging to do from where you are at. I do self talk (  coaxed by a benzo friend) , and what I can do from my home and sometimes it works, and sometimes I fail miserably. But I'm trying, that's all I can do.

 

So what I'm trying to say is, you didn't miss anything, and there is nothing you're not getting.

 

Some in this even to the degree symptom wise you are, may have a stronger base for whatever reason so those variables you write about don't come up and it's a little milder of a climate socio-economically. Some people can recover with a stronger base of home and family in tact. Some of us lose homes and family, careers. A variable in how we react in this can depend on how MUCH our exterior life is affected as well. Going through it, and the clean up if there is any.  Just IMO.

 

I always keep that in mind now thinking back when others have said " keep a stiff upper chin," they may be in a position more stable with less to recover and don't quite know where you are at in order to relate to it nevermind identify it to put it in the equation. I'm sorry.

 

I know you're not asking for sympathy but I thought perhaps this could validate you for understanding. xo

 

 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

[...] I know a lot of people who were as sick as I was at 11 months out and MOST were fine by 18 months free...

 

I needed to read something just like this tonight...  It's been a rough month 12 for me....  Going to the doctor (again) on Friday the 23rd... Probably more exotic testing for things I don't have.  Heheh... 

[[li...]]

Wellness, I know how you feel.  You didn't miss anything.  People other than your friends here, could never even comprehend in the smallest amount the degree of suffering we go through.  That doesn't meen that this is how you will always feel though.  All we have is one day at a time.  So many ups and downs, but I have been doing this for such a long time, and I was where you were and now most of my symptoms are only in the areas of the GI track.  I am sure you know the depts the mental sympotms take you, and they are gone for the most part.  The flare on occasion when my GI flares more.  Together we will all heal, because we won't give up.

 

Vancouvergirl - I really could feel you when you said to Wellness, "I understand and can relate to your words though I wish I couldn't."  Not much more needs to be said after that.  I pray for you too, you are such a great wealth of information.

 

Hoping2befreee - You mentioned something about "buddy space"  I am not familiar with that.  Is that a sight where I can go?  Sorry, I never heard of this before, and I found it interesting.

 

You will all be in my thoughts.

 

[Guest [ru...]]

I'm adding my name to the list here too.  I'm now nearly 20 MONTHS completely off a doc-induced 3/4 cold turkey (it was so severe I nearly died) and am just more than beside myself STILL.  For a majority of all this horrificNESS I endured at home, by myself!!!, without much support (apart from here) or any1 coming to visit.

 

I've now taken myself back to my 75 yr old Mum's in absolute desperation for some help/solutions/support/brain-storming solutions, but she has none, apart from suggesting more prayer.  I have NO OTHER family who will care, believe or understand this enough to help.  My 1 and only son has left home in the process of this too-so intense grief on top-oh yay.  The mental/emotional & physical symptoms STILL continue.  I honestly feel like I've had or am having a nervous breakdown from this.  HEAPS of symptoms have gone (for which I had just about ALL of them in the book apart from seizures)....but the duration & the continuing symptoms has honestly had me wanting to let go like NOW!!!!!! Put myself out of my own misery......I honestly cant endure ANY more......

 

I've taken myself to Prayer Healing Clinics, as I've been able to drive a little more now (just...& SHORT distances only).  The top of my head/scalp BURNS....temp runs hot, then freezing cold, random muscle twitches/spasms ALL over my body (still).  I feel STRIPPED of my mind, wisdom, personality, heart, body functions, intelligence, confidence every which way you could strip a person.  Panicky, obsessive looping, distressed & disordered thoughts.  I feel like my emotions are all still CONTAINED, CLENCHED & CONTROLLED & PUSHED INWARDS then they try to surface but get pushed more inwards so like intense pressure you cant release..... Honestly just that alone is driving me nuts!!!!!!  Emotions like major panic/distress/anger, you name it surface several times in a day).

 

Then I still have the Comprehension going on/off on/off many times in a day.......everything so SURREAL you have to ask yourself is it truly happening, but you know it is.  I feel even more extremely isolated because you cant even hold/understand much of a conversation.....nor do ANYTHING that you need to do - just rendered almost completely helpless (I have times where I cant even move my legs or arms again now too).....speech (throat muscles pull my voicebox out of proportion) so its hard to be understood and major balance problems still too - wobbly/weak muscles, times of legs feeling like concrete/heavy you name it so you have to sit down most of the day....DP/DR....times of intense psychological SHOCK from all the CONTINUING trauma....then times of more emotions surfacing but not being able to yell, scream nor cry them out because they're pushed back INWARDS controlled & clenched somehow without being able to vent them, unable to cry or have ANY release........thoughts SCATTERED and no ORDER, intrusive memories.....seriously at 20 MONTHS out??? There are no words for this undescribable inhumane suffering......just like you're more than uptight but no sense of peace, relief or end....and the duration of it too!!!!!  I'm tremendously grateful for what has gone, but I just cant last any longer with the hell I still have left....

 

This is well beyond a sick joke after all I have been through.......I've been TRYING for so long to hang out for the 2 year off mark (& hang on to my Mum's gut instincts/intuition that I'll be dancing for joy), but honestly I now feel so constantly ANGRY and jerked around from all this still continuing to happen DAILY with absolutely NO CONTROL and no SOLUTIONS, no reliable EXPLANTIONS/UNDERSTANDING,  NO1 understanding or knowing what to say or what to DO, nor CARE, and I've already done 17 months of ALL DAY research with a benzo brain to try & help myself.........then the emotions feel like they're clenched & controlled again & the heat/pressure turns up again.......but still feeling so disconnected from self......struggling to have any sense of identity or recall any previous life wisdom to even talk to yourself.....and NO1 able to help or comfort NOR being able to RELEASE any of this....HONESTLY I have more than had ENOUGH!!!!!!

 

All I want to know is what to do & how to fix this - with what I have left.  Some relief or progress NOW.....I seem to have no compassion or love or anything left, where once I had heaps (understandable after all this unrelenting torture!!!).  I honestly feel like a human being who has been put in a mental, emotional and pyhsical BLENDER & been pushed well beyond their limits & for so LONG that they're now BROKEN, DESPERATE & BEYOND ANGRY......and STILL no END to this nightmare........it just feels like a sick joke to be holding out for something that just doesnt happen!!!!!!

 

Benzo Rage has returned (prob cos I cant take anymore, nor is there any release!!!), thoughts very disordered & oh the list goes on......no1 could EVER dream up this nightmare!!!!!  What on earth do we do??? Just more prayer?? Is that the ONLY safe solution left???  Even churches are far too busy this time of year...I'm beyond understanding or being able to hold on any longer........how on earth does every1 else do it????

[[tr...]]

 

You can add my name to the list of protracted.... 4+ years out....burning feet.....what a nightmare.

 

There's been a great deal of healing in the last 4 years but, for me, not enough. 

[[...]]

Hoping2befreee - You mentioned something about "buddy space"  I am not familiar with that.  Is that a sight where I can go?  Sorry, I never heard of this before, and I found it interesting.

 

Hello, I thought I'd try and help RE: Buddie Space. It's a place right here on BenzoBuddies. If you scroll all the way to the bottom of the page when looking at the different sections of the forum you'll see BuddieSpace listed. 

 

 

[[Ja...]]

 

You can add my name to the list of protracted.... 4+ years out....burning feet.....what a nightmare.

 

There's been a great deal of healing in the last 4 years but, for me, not enough.

Hi TS!   

 

Ed

[[tr...]]

 

You can add my name to the list of protracted.... 4+ years out....burning feet.....what a nightmare.

 

There's been a great deal of healing in the last 4 years but, for me, not enough.

Hi TS!   

 

Ed

 

 

Hi Ed!  Been quite a long journey, hasn't it? 

 

[[va...]]

I'm adding my name to the list here too.  I'm now nearly 20 MONTHS completely off a doc-induced 3/4 cold turkey (it was so severe I nearly died) and am just more than beside myself STILL.  For a majority of all this horrificNESS I endured at home, by myself!!!, without much support (apart from here) or any1 coming to visit.

 

I've now taken myself back to my 75 yr old Mum's in absolute desperation for some help/solutions/support/brain-storming solutions, but she has none, apart from suggesting more prayer. 

 

I'm beyond understanding or being able to hold on any longer........how on earth does every1 else do it????

I'm sorry you're so in the thick of it Ruthie Allison. I remember you from the other site. They had a bad habit of encouraging c/t's to everyone that logged on there even within the timeline to reinstate to taper. This is also what happened to me taking their very bad advice.

 

You know, I am staying now with my senior mother too until I can function daily so I understand where you are there. I used to "help" my family so this change is...........let's just say I am grateful to have any kind of help right now though it's not without it's challenges.

 

We do it one day at a time RuthieAllison. That's how we all do it. Some do less, some more depending on where we are at in it. And realistically, that's all one can do. I wouldn't be surprised if you saw some good changes though come 24 months. We're here for you.

 

 

 

 

 

[[va...]]

 

You can add my name to the list of protracted.... 4+ years out....burning feet.....what a nightmare.

 

There's been a great deal of healing in the last 4 years but, for me, not enough.

Hi TS!   

 

Ed

Hi Guys and hi Tropical Soul!!

 

Gosh, 4+ years. Not enough healing huh? I'm sorry......................

 

It looks like it's averaging 3 members a day coming into this protracted thread.

 

So,

 

15 members protracted 18 months and beyond. (Of those 6 are past 24 months.)

 

10 members in the timeframe of 11 - 18 months.

 

[[va...]]

15 members protracted 18 months and beyond. (Of those 8 are past 24 months.)

 

10 members in the timeframe of 11 - 18 months.

 

*I put 6 are past 24 months but it's 8.

 

[[we...]]

thanks for keeping stats.  we are not alone.

 

hope2b,

 

thanks for your kind words. I still think bz wd is brain damage.

[[Ho...]]

Wellness - I agree it is brain damage but it will repair itself....that is why so many benzo sx are listed on that page of brain damage symptoms.  But we WILL HEAL.  I think all of us feel brain damaged in some way, but it will get better - it is not permanent - so you can still look forward to all those things you listed above - and I can look forward to some day reading and enjoying  a book again....WAGDTWB    (what a great  day that will be!)

[[we...]]

thanks 2b,

you bring tears of hope to my eyes.

[[...]]

  Unfortunately you can add my name to the list. I have been off benzos for 35 months and off a.d. for 19 months. I am functional but no where near healed. I feel very blessed to have made it this far. I guess that if this only happens to around 5 - 10 % of the people then we must be very special.......I don't want to be special any more, I just want to be a normal boy.

  Hang in there, my eyesight still isn't back to normal but I am sure that I can see the finish line right in front of us. This is one loooooong race that I am sure I didn't sign up for. I just wish that the doctor would have asked me if I wanted to enter instead of deciding for me

  Dub

[[...]]

You can add me too! 3 years and 5 months!! There are more of us too. I am doing much better than before but I still feel stuff. Lots of emotional stuff in the last 6 months. I have times that I feel so sad and cry. Prior to this it was more darkness and despair so it has improved. I feel every month there is improvement. My lingering symptoms that I seem to experience monthly are restless sleep, dry mouth, tightness and pains in my abdomen, rib spasms, bloated belly, redness and glassy eyes, edginess, sadness and tears. I have been functional for quite some time and I have had really good days but I seem to have days now and then where those symptoms still come shining through. I have more good days than bad. This is such a slow process and it gets very discouraging. I pray for the day when this all disappears. Hang in there buddies!