The Long Hold Support Group

[[4G...]]

Is 3.45am here. I will reply to you as soon as I can, Stut and Trishy.

 

Olive Kitty, thank you so much for your kind wishes and for remembering me! You are doing so well.

 

Hello to everyone who knows me! xxx

[[Tr...]]

Thanks for the update Trina.... the uptick in dreams sucks I know.... on a positive note, because your symptoms have settled before, they will again... hopefully soon this see-saw will come to an end for all of us... Can’t wait!

[[va...]]

Hi Olive Kitty. I was totally convinced that you were a professional singer  Dancing with a band also sounds very exciting to me! What type of dance was it and what kind of music did they play? Alright, when we form the choir, you can do our choreography. I used to like dancing salsa but that ship has sailed. It's not like I'm going to go out clubbing at age 52 and in bwd. Plus, after three spins I'd be flat on the floor with dizziness, so I'm open to new dancing styles with less spins. Perhaps the minuet.

 

I'm so glad  you got nice room mates. Be careful, everyone looks nice in the beginning. Lock your belongings and as they don't allow cats maybe a pitbull? Just kidding. I'm sure you've got a good eye to filter people and you are in a good environment. I really get the cat thing. I haven't got a cat after my two dear ones died last summer, because I have so much stress on me that I really can't think of one more responsibility, but if my life situation ever becomes less stressful, the first thing I'll do is bring a cat. Every day I think of bringing a cat but then I realize how stressed out I am and I know it's a bad idea ATM.

 

How many house mates do you have may I ask? If I didn't have my daughter I would absolutely go and share an appartment with people and thus spend less money, but with a kid, as long as we can we will live here just the two of us. But when she's older and becomes independent I don't rule out sharing with people and then I save money and don't have to worry so much about how long money will last, which is very stressful.

 

 

[[va...]]

Thanks for the link V. It was very insightful and in that sense maybe it was glutamate damage. I was thinking in terms where glutamate becomes a neuro toxin and can destroy brain cells as what happens with serious concussions.

 

As far as my daughter goes a part of me says to just let her crash and burn and reach rock bottom so she will take this seriously. But another part says I should love her unconditionally and do what I can to help her. I am putting conditions on my help: her commitment to go to AA, counseling, and seeing a functional doc to address her health problems.

 

Thanks for your prayers, Ginger

 

Hi Jwl,

 

I have you on my mind these days as my daughter is so precious to me, so I just can´t imagine how painful this is to you. Is her mother getting involved in any way? I hope you don't get mad at me but I need to say that I think that maybe don't try to push a functional dr. on her right now, because even if it's done wonders for you, but many people (99%), have overcome an addiction without a functional doctor. I absolutely agree with the AA part. In the US it does seem to work great doesn't it? But if you establish the dr as a condition maybe she could see this as wanting to control her. I don't know, just a thought. Nobody knows the situation better than you do.

[[va...]]

Stutt are you still out there surfing and living the life with your caravan? I bet you've got rasta hair by now. If you have too many of those tanned surfer boyfriends please pass a couple on to the group. We'll know what to do. I hope you're making the most of your holiday and enjoying a lot before you go back to galleys. Who drives that van? I always fantasized about that van type of holliday but I'm not sure my benzo brain would be very good at driving one of those things. I could probably handle the surfers though, while you do the driving 

 

Suzy where are you? You've abandoned us for the Klonopin threads I see huh? After all this family has done for you!  I'm glad you've reduced the gabapentin so gracefully and hope you're doing better and better.

 

Gilly it's so nice to see you posting again.

 

Mary you are so quiet, I hope your back, stomach and headache give you a break soon. I wonder if you're getting many sxs after your last cut getting below 8 mgs. I know you're very worried about the virus. It's also true that although we could have a bad outcome, most people survive it. My dr friends have seen people age 100 come out of the hospital after having covid, and recover. So yes, we can die, but we could also die before this pandemic. We have to wear the mask and do the social distancing and hand washing etc and other than that I think we have to try to live as much as possible. Nobody is giving us this time back. Plus, we might be like this for years and years. I don't believe this "we'll have a vaccine by December" thing.

 

Gingermint it must be nice to have three adult daughters. You've already done all the hard work and now you can sit back and have them visit now and again. At least that's how I want to imagine it. I hope you're enjoying your gardening and eating all those zuchinnis. I love vegetables. It must be so nice to grow your own, but so much work. I bet it's hard to keep the insects under control. My kitchen gets plagued with ants every summer so I can't even imagine if we had vegetables.

 

Trishy I hope your children got the message and don't show up sick again. They need a spanking don't they?

 

Good morning to everyone else in this group. I hope everyone is dealing with their crappy waves as best as possible, and that we keep recovering and learning all the lessons that we're supposed to learn from this injury. I'm realizing that the second I catch myself resisting a sxs, my suffering increases, so I'm trying to work on non resistance. As a control freak, this is new for me and a hard habit to break, but if there's something you just can't control it's symptoms, so I'll keep working on non-resistance. Easier said than done though.

 

 

[[bo...]]

Period came 2 days early...I can't even weigh in in this period as I was in a wave before my usual symptoms start. There was the usual uptick in stupid dreams.

But staying ahead of the cramps with ibuprofen is a game changer!

 

My energy and mood did lift a bit today...just super struggling with balance/dizziness/coordination issues in this wave. Its left before and I know it will leave again - just wish I knew when!!

 

Hugs to my ladies!!

Hi trina my period came 2 days late and im also in a wave: vertigo, off balance, visual effects I was so exhausted was not so functional yesterday trying to nap but mostly just able to rest frustrating... not so many cramps mostly muscle tension, weird jumping pain....

[[De...]]

Hey V!

I'm so so. Lots of anxiety, but hanging on. You sound good! You have your sense of humor, so that's a good sign. Just been anti social lately. Probably another sx. Lol ly ❤❤🤯

[[va...]]

Hey V!

I'm so so. Lots of anxiety, but hanging on. You sound good! You have your sense of humor, so that's a good sign. Just been anti social lately. Probably another sx. Lol ly ❤❤🤯

 

Hi dear. I might sound good but trust me I'm not Suzy. Huge anxiety and then mental sxs that are insane, like stuff moving in my brain and even watching pictures of my childhood is too much stress. I don't know if I'll ever be able to cut again. Maybe I should give up those two cups of morning coffee. Great, one less reason to live for. Love to you. Feel free to come back when you get over your antisocial stage 

[[no...]]

Oh, I'm sorry v,

 

I've been having the mental stuff too. This morning was horrible. I felt like I did when I was taking the x and was having the morning tremors and confusion I'll call it. 😢  I was so scared, I walked and convinced I was going backwards and not healing. It reminded me of when I had to go that everyday going to work. When I didnt know what was wrong. For close to a year like that. All the drs saying it's not the benzo and gave me more drugs. PTSD moment for sure. But! Then, I got home after the blast I'll call it snd I felt normal. I thought may e that was the real me or maybe I do need meds, I'm nuts. I hate this feeling. Maybe your arehaving intrusive memories. I'm pretty sure I am. Do we grieve again when we already have. I'm obsessed over a guy I worked with. We were close and I got layed off and he contacted me to bake, I said I was baking, idk. I just got sober, wtf. I told him maybe me him and y boss could go out and chat sometime. I was with Jim then. Plus he was acting weird the lat couple yrs I worked there and he was hanging with other people. My guts were ripped out and I just broke up with my bf of 11 years. To much to handle. Before I relapsed and met jim drunk.  Idiot!!! I really am, who gets themselves into a freak show mess like that. Last year I decide to go into fb to see my niece because she was born when I went into wd 4 years ago and then the fun began. So I saw him and bam the old feelings came back.  Now my heart is broken again and I'm in a relationship and I did a full 360. Bei g in a relationship and liking him again. Shit! It kind of makes me feel like I never should ha e left my bf even though ii wasn't happy. My life is ruined. Two months ago he vanished off fb. I think he likes to stir up trouble or drama. So I'm devastated and I think he thinks I'm stalking him. I'm not. I did look at his profile, which is not me at all. So hes back and it says hes 8n a relationship with a polynesian dancer since 2017. So I've been messed up over that and I dont look at the profile it hurts so much. I know I sound juvenile right now. Like a high schooler. I just have no life and I'm lonely and I really liked him and I ran away. Maybe hes just making it up. SO, he's a crazy story for you guys to read if you get bored. This has been my life. Duh! I tried hard not to make typos. Lol love to all!

Hi D  ..AAARRGGHH!!!  :D Your not alone on this one, I keep obsessing over the arsehole of an ex BF doing a lot of the stuff you've mentioned , but its DEFINITELY the Benzos and withdrawal, messing with our head's.    I ask myself this question, ''If I was able to get out and about and have a normal life during withdrawal instead  of in hell agony, housebound and mentally fkd up by withdrawal as well. 

 

What would I be doing where he's concerned? I WOULD NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HIM!! That's what!!! BUT its a chemically induced OCD and its really COMMON in withdrawal, I've seen gangs of people on BB say exactly the same thing and to make matters worse my logical brain, when its ale to break through and think  doesn't even like him and thinks he's a low life piece of crap   but the Benzo warped brain keeps pulling me back in like some psychotic stalker!!

 

This is definitely one symptom I'll be glad to get rid of, its like being deluded I'm madly in love with him, and I can't live  or survive without him constanly no matter how bad for me he is but truth is in the real world , and in my right mind I'd keep the hell away from the twat , in fact I wouldn't give him a second thought.

 

It also terrible intrusive thoughts that fire it up worse as well, it starts the second I open my eyes and sometimes it starts in my head  loudly when I'm asleep and wakes me up feeling really evil , vengeful and full of anxiety and I can't make it stop like a run away train, the more I try the worse it gets the more anxious I get  its making me nuts!!! :tickedoff:

 

                                                        Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[De...]]

Thanks Nova!

 

I didnt know it was a symptom. I really is like an obsession. I'm sorry you have it too. Its painful. You want to talk to them, then you say idk, maybe e I'm not in my right mind. Then you keep reliving the whole ef thing over and over of what happened a d think you might have been wrong g and imagine all these different scenarios. Your right, I wont give a shit and worry what he thinks of me and how the whole thing killed my self esteem and not feeli g goid enough. I hope he doesnt knows nown I looked at his profile. It was helping me, because I was so happy around him. I bet he doesnt, I'm being paranoid.

 

It's TRUE, if we weren't stuck in the house feeling like we are being destroyed by a flippin drug and suffering we would be out with people and not so dam lonely. P,us, there's only so much we can do know with covid. It's not the same. Walking around with masks and distancing. Its freaking bizarre. I'm grateful we can at least do some things a d I'm not as freaked out as a few months ago. I feel just like you, it's like your in love.  Music even messes me up. Wellm at least we know this isn't the real us, I was getting g worried!!!! Hang in there. We just have to accept and know one day, hopefully soon we will feel like normal people lo e, not freaks. We aren't but it feels that way. Talk about a self esteem crusher, not to mention I look like crap. You should see me trying go do my hair! It's way to hard. Ponytail!!! Love you

[[ki...]]

My period showed up a day late. Still waiting for symptoms to settle down, mostly dealing with anxiety and crappy sleep. Periods suck. 

[[va...]]

Suzy if he says he's dating this girl, I only see suffering for you there my dear friend. This is trauma bonding that comes from attachment trauma as an infant. You replay the past because your subconscious mind wants to finally solve the problem of not being loved. But this guy's not going to solve it. Lisa A Romano explains it much better. Love addiction sucks. You'd be better off with a chihuahua than with this guy. At least you can get a chihuahua that is not unavailable  and "in a relationship" 🐕

[[va...]]

BTW I've had my fair share of love addiction, that's why I've read about it. I'm not sure if I'm over it or if I just have too many problems to get obsessed with anyone. I think it's the latter. When my daughter is raised and finished college I'll feel free to obsess again with some idiot, but I'm really praying hard not to. Gosh it's such a waste of time!! And time that you'll never get back.

[[De...]]

Thanks v,

I'll check that out. Could we have anymore issues. We have everything. C ant our parents have done it right, man. I dont blame them they were young. Better of not having a nan obsession now. Itsnot worth it. Sorry jwl, your a good guy. This is wasted time living in the fight or flight for years. He couldbe lying. He can do some weird things. It wouldn't surprise me! 🤯🤣🤣🤣😻❤❤❤

[[De...]]

Thanks for replying to the other invisible woman, just kidding lol!!!!!❤❤❤🤯🙏🧸🌻

[[va...]]

Suzy there are great men out there. We just have to stop "rescuing" the wrong ones. It's a compulsion. And it never works. Jwl we are privileged to have you in our group. We're not talking about men in general AT-ALL. And our female buddies here have great husbands.

[[De...]]

I do that v. I find the most down and out guy and try to help them. Though this guy wasn't that way. He was pretty normal besides his confusing behavior. I guess we need to work on codependency.  I've been listening to alanon and I can see I gave those codependent behaviors. It's very helpful. Another thing to work out. By the time we are done here we are going to be so knowledgable on the hum as n body and psych. Lol

[[Ma...]]

DD, all of us, all have had more than one really screwed up relationship.    I think if Jim treated you a little better you wouldn't be thinking so much about this other guy, and I love you, but you do go through OCD spells.  We expect them from you by now  .  You never bore us.  I was having Gerd, still am, and hurt my back, and became anti social too.  It's like you can't get away from this shit 

Don't think we can't find you on the other thread  :laugh:    Did miss you and think about you a lot.  LY, Mary.  🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘😘🙏🙏🙏😷😷❣️

 

Great post Nova      🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼🙋🏼💕

 

Hey Val, yes been struggling and being anti social with Suzy, trying to overcome it.  I am beginning to wonder if my liquid Diazapam is a big issue with the Gerd    Researching now, lol.  One thing wd gives us, is lots to research.  Sorry you are feeling rough too, I do hope you are being safe my friend.

Take care of that beautiful daughter. LY, Mary 🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘😷😷🙏🙏

 

 

 

 

[[De...]]

Hi mm,

Sorry you are feeling  so bad. Sometimes I think the antisocial behavior is depression. Feeling sick all the time and the loneliness is rough. Who wouldn't be. I guess your right. Jim could be nicer. This one guy really hurt. It had been a long time since I had a broken heart and I never handled that well at all. Yeah, I just read around the threads sometimes for fun, lol 🤯 Love you too, I have aches in other places to I think its stress. I feel like this year may have set us all a little back, but we are strong, we will all be ok. ❤❤🙏

[[Ma...]]

Hi mm,

Sorry you are feeling  so bad. Sometimes I think the antisocial behavior is depression. Feeling sick all the time and the loneliness is rough. Who wouldn't be. I guess your right. Jim could be nicer. This one guy really hurt. It had been a long time since I had a broken heart and I never handled that well at all. Yeah, I just read around the threads sometimes for fun, lol 🤯 Love you too, I have aches in other places to I think its stress. I feel like this year may have set us all a little back, but we are strong, we will all be ok. ❤❤🙏

 

I agree totally, this year has added stress to everyone and stress increases our symptoms, unfortunately

We will make it DD, maybe just not with a lot of grace  :laugh:

[[De...]]

You aren't kidding,  I far from graceful these days. Hope you get some good sleep tonight. Thanks mm! ❤❤🧸

[[...]]

I agree girls, guys can be such assholes, selfish and self-centered  . BTW my name is Jim too 

 

V. thanks for your concern. I would never push anything on my daughter unless she agreed. It was her who felt rehab would be a waste and agreed go see a doc to address her underlining health problems that may contribute to her addictive behavior. She also acknowledged that she has PTSD and wants to see a psychiatrist/hypotherapist so we are planning that as well.

[[De...]]

Ahh! Your a nice Jim! Mine can be sometimes,  ugh. Glad  your daughter wants to get help and admits she has a problem. That's a good sign! There are as meetings on zoom. I've been doing them and I love it. They have 24 hr marathons.

[[St...]]

Good morning LHSG hoping everyone has a better.

Morning Suzy l would absolutely love to sit here and call this man names however l don't really grasp what happened.l don't know if you are just perhaps in the throes of gabapentin withdrawal at this time? That was a big cut so l would imagine you will feel it for a while.l must admit l do see l pattern with you where relationships are concerned probably due to low self esteem?l was told a long time ago if you don't like what you're catching change the bait.l think we must learn from our past or we continue to self destruct.l think also it is lonely and perhaps we tend to look back more as that is really all we have at this time.The big question l have for you is do you love Jim or is he just convenient at this time?How long have you spent without being in a relationship? Just take this a day at a time honey and remember you will get through this.The thing about the past is we need it to grow and develop however we should never live in it.l regret a lot of the past however it is gone and l am more interested in the here and now.love you.X

Morning Val l am in Limerick and it's pissing down woohoo 🎊🎉.Awe well what can you do.l don't know if l can get you a surfer plenty of creepers which l think would fit in here 😕.l love your idea that when your daughter gets older she won't be a worry anymore 😜.Dream on.Listen my love l don't really care what you call this however perhaps you should hold for a couple of years.l know you will think it a waste of time but you can't keep doing this.Think seriously about what your next move is and whatever you decide stick to it.love you.X

Morning Ginger we will hold each others hand 🎉💖.l don't know about you but l can't believe l am actually nearly over the first hurdle.Seems surreal.Let's hope the second part of our journey isn't too bumpy.love you.X

Morning Olive what kind of dancer were you? Have to say l love watching dancing and l have to say l am a bit jealous of how fit they are.l am glad you are settling in well there honey.l would imagine you will have a cat soon.You are really doing well honey l know you have a ways to go but you definitely are taking charge.love you.X

Morning Trish l hope you enjoy the family yesterday?Is the pool closed or can l still take a dip 😱?Is the family fit and well?l am still taking in the beautiful scenery and everything is going smoothly this end.Just doing what we can weather permitting.l will be back when l get time.love you my lST X

Morning LWT your daughter would appear to be taking control of her situation that really is a very good omen.l know a lot of people talk about tough love however that is easier said than done.l think no matter what l will always be in there fighting for my daughter.You are doing a great job honey.love you.X

Morning Jasmine just take this a day at a time and you will be grand.Love you.X

Morning Nova l wish you could get a break from this crap.Hopefully things will ease of so you can have some quality of life.love you my AS.X

Morning lady Mary, Gilly Valley Meems Esperanza NJ GP Final Bill Miyu Intend Free,Boo and everyone here sending you my love.X

[[va...]]

Hi dear Stutt, thanks for giving me feedback.

 

As you kept tapering in spite of having symptoms like I have, why do you think I should wait for two years? I'm really interested in your opinion.

 

I'm glad you're having such a great trip, and a bit jealous. Yes you're right, everyone tells me you don't stop worrying when kids grow but I prefer to keep dreaming about it 😂