The Long Hold Support Group

[[ki...]]

I think I took a 5mg pill instead of a 2mg pill in the middle of the night.

I am worried to go I to withdrawal if this is the case. It was dark.

 

It won’t make a difference. Just go back to your regular dose. I’ve done this before and the only thing that happened is I took a short nap.

[[ja...]]

Thanks kit, love you

[[ki...]]

Thanks kit, love you

 

Love you too Jasmine. I hope you’re feeling a little better. Periods suck without having to deal with the benzo nonsense too. BTW, there is a Menstrual support group on BB if you want to join in there. There’s another person there who reported similar symptoms to what you’ve mentioned (especially the shaking).

[[ki...]]

My period is due in 6 days. Hooray!  I had a bad patch of anxiety at ovulation this time around, I sped up my taper a little so I think that probably didn’t help. I’m holding now and will hold until my period starts at least. This hormonal rollercoaster is a blast. I never had bad PMS before benzos. Oh well, I’m glad we have this group because non-menstruating humans don’t get it!

[[Ma...]]

I think I took a 5mg pill instead of a 2mg pill in the middle of the night.

I am worried to go I to withdrawal if this is the case. It was dark.

 

It's okay Jasmine, we all mess up a dose once in a while, don't worry about it, just get right back on you regular dose .  Really, you will be fine.  ♥️♥️♥️

[[Gi...]]

I think I took a 5mg pill instead of a 2mg pill in the middle of the night.

I am worried to go I to withdrawal if this is the case. It was dark.

 

I've messed up my dose many times.  I always turn on the light now when I take any med.  I made that mistake too.  You will be fine, just resume your regular dosing schedule.  Time and plenty of it will be your best friend. G

[[ja...]]

Thank you girls.

Kit, yes the shake is so strange. I have been shaking since this morning.  Still no sign of periods flow.

So all I do is to stay in bed and shake. I wish I could distract, I get obsessed with the symptoms.

 

[[va...]]

You are right stut. I should limit my time on this forum.

I am scared that if I hold.I won't stabilize because of tolerance. I am scared of kindling. I feel like the worst case on here. My shake is back and I am worried that it is not linked to my hormones but to tolerance.

So much fear.

 

Jasmine, all I know is that when very unstable, if you start tapering you get worse. I really don't believe in tolerance withdrawal much. We're ALL in tolerance. It means after so many years, the drug no longer works. That's all it means. You have better days. My take would be to hold and wait for more better days. And as you're so scared, I'd stick to this group and the game boards. I believe you'll get better if you hold. I think anything other than holding could make you worse right now.

[[va...]]

Hi everyone. I sometimes write a post and before I post it my phone gets blocked and the post is lost. It happens only on BBs and didn't happen with my previous phone. I hate it. I'll write properly from my computer some day. Thanks for all of you who helped me with the dizziness. I'm getting a break now from it. Wouldn't call this s..t a window though 😂💩

[[va...]]

Stutt you're living the life with your van, flirting with some tanned surfer aren't you? Well done. I've had two decent days Stutt, yesterday and today. How many decent days do you wait until you make a cut? It's in no way a window. It's just more tolerable sxs. I'm having one non alcoholic beer a day. I hope that doesn't kill me. They're said to have very little alcohol but even if they claim to be 0.0%, I understand they do have some. Gnight everyone. Jasmine stop thinking about kindling and tolerance. I'm completely kindled and fully functional, which is what matters. You'll be fine 🐌

[[Tr...]]

Hi LHSG'ers,

Just going to throw my two cents in on tolerance. I don't believe in it at all. Whoever said here, I'd have to go back and check, that tolerance only means the drug no longer works for you anymore hit the nail on the head. You won't get sick from tolerance. Tolerance simply means you've built up a tolerance and the affect the drug once had on you no longer produces that affect, that's it in a nut shell. I took 3 mgs of Xanax right in time right on schedule everyday for years and I was perfectly fine. I would have stayed on it if I wasn't forced to taper it. However now that I know more about the drug then I did back then I never would have swallowed one of them nevermind staying on them for years but that's water under the bridge. I have to say I am so glad that when I came to BB a couple years ago I did not travel around much and I didn't read the scary stories. I stuck with LHSG where the support was amazing and the people were amazing and the information they gave me was accurate and filled with compassion and empathy for what I was going through. I would like all who find themselves here terrified of tolerance to please not believe the horror stories you may have read about tolerance, they are misinformed in my opinion on what it is. Withdrawing from benzos takes time and requires an enormous amount of patience. There is no easy way off these drugs if there were I'd of found it by now. So tolerance won't hurt you but wd will surely make you ill. There sxs of w withdrawing are plenty, too many to name and all individual save for some maybe. In my own experience I have found gradual and I mean gradual healing while holding. If you are in tune with your body you will feel the subtle healing taking place as you hold longer and longer. It took months for thes shaking, sweating, jerking, insomnia, lack of appetite and so on etc.. before I benefited from the hold. Holding has saved me more than once and I will continue to hold all the way through my taper as needed right down to the last crumb of a pill.

The take away from all the above, don't fear tolerance it's withdrawal that wreaks all the havoc in my opinion. There might be a lot of people that disagree with what I just wrote but like I said it's my two cents worth on the subject of tolerance.

Love to all,

Trishy ❤️

[[ja...]]

ThanK you trishy for your last post

It is good to know that people felt better as they held

 

I can't believe how bad is my pms

I hope I won't be this bad as long as I am.not tapering.

I will never visit other part of BB. This is the safe space to be. Although i.might be the worst case in this group right now.

[[va...]]

Very well said Trishy!!!  👏👏👏

[[Gi...]]

Trishy,

 

You hit the nail on the head.  I agree completely. G.

[[...]]

You are right stut. I should limit my time on this forum.

I am scared that if I hold.I won't stabilize because of tolerance. I am scared of kindling. I feel like the worst case on here. My shake is back and I am worried that it is not linked to my hormones but to tolerance.

So much fear.

 

Jasmine, all I know is that when very unstable, if you start tapering you get worse. I really don't believe in tolerance withdrawal much. We're ALL in tolerance. It means after so many years, the drug no longer works. That's all it means. You have better days. My take would be to hold and wait for more better days. And as you're so scared, I'd stick to this group and the game boards. I believe you'll get better if you hold. I think anything other than holding could make you worse right now.

 

You nailed it V. You said in one sentence what I was trying to say in 2 paragraphs. Glad your feeling better-ish.

 

You too Trishy

[[...]]

Oh on a lighter note, has anyone found that singing and laughing loudly makes them feel better. I think it has something to do with stimulating the vagus nerve. Anytime I'm alone, I put on my favorite music and sing as loud as I can. It can be embarrassing at times but it makes me feel good. I know many of us don't feel like laughing and I had to fake it at first but that makes me feel good too. Am I  ?

[[va...]]

You are right stut. I should limit my time on this forum.

I am scared that if I hold.I won't stabilize because of tolerance. I am scared of kindling. I feel like the worst case on here. My shake is back and I am worried that it is not linked to my hormones but to tolerance.

So much fear.

 

Jasmine, all I know is that when very unstable, if you start tapering you get worse. I really don't believe in tolerance withdrawal much. We're ALL in tolerance. It means after so many years, the drug no longer works. That's all it means. You have better days. My take would be to hold and wait for more better days. And as you're so scared, I'd stick to this group and the game boards. I believe you'll get better if you hold. I think anything other than holding could make you worse right now.

 

You nailed it V. You said in one sentence what I was trying to say in 2 paragraphs. Glad your feeling better-ish.

 

You too Trishy

 

Hey Jwl! Thank you for acknowledging my post. Sometimes I think I'm invisible 

 

I got up an hour ago and I'm having my breakfast and I finally got to post on my PC and not the phone, so this post won't be lost.

 

I love laughing too though with all this stress we don't laugh so much lately. We've been watching The Windsors, my daughter and I, I highly recommend it. It's hilarious, and I love that British accent. As for singing, not to brag but I have to say I'm a great singer. When I was a teenager I would go go camp and at night we'd gather around the campfire, forty people or so, and everyone would be silent to hear me sing. I'm very shy but I have a great voice. I don't know if I've lost it because I haven't really sung since my twenties. Every boyfriend I had laughed at my singing and I slowly stopped doing it. Now my daughter tells me to sing but the walls are made of paper here and the neighbors would hear it and I'm very self conscious about it. Sometimes we sing in the car, my daughter and I. Her voice is even better than mine, but she doesn't believe it. She's just amazing. Now we quarrell more because of course after months barely relating to anyone, just her and me, and being a teenager, it's normal to quarrell, and with all this stress. But I think I'll manage the situation well because I love her to pieces.

 

I love it that you shared your singing and laughing with us. If we all lived in the neighborhood we could get together and form a band, or a choir. With a very original name, like "The Long Holders" 

 

I love your long posts but sometimes when I want to answer you guys, not only you, my phone gets blocked and I lose the post. It happens a lot. The other day answering Stutt, another one I wrote to Ginger thanking her for her dizziness post. My previous phone was much worse than this one. That was a Hwawei. It was good but had little memory so I couldn't have many apps. So I bought this one, a Samsung A50. It's really good and plenty of space for apps. However, it has this problem with BBs, it doesn't seem to like it. Oh well. Jwl, what songs do you sing? Yesterday I watched this one on youtube and I thought about our group, so this goes to all you guys because it really describes what we have here. I almost cried listening to it, although I didn't really cry because I'm incapable of crying, but the tears wanted to come out.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io6HwRadjU4

[[va...]]

Jwl, Was the taper hard? How do you feel now without paxil? How long were you on it?

 

My last taper was my second time on benzo and it took me 1 year to taper the last milligram . It was really hard, I had to work around my pms. But I taper both valium and lexapro,  was able to exercise daily,  slept 7 hours, drank 2 cups of expresso a day and a gallon of black tea worked 45 to 50 hours per week on stressful deadline, took care of my 2 kids, dogs and house. Hubby was just very busy with his work.I was even able to go on a roller coater ride with them. I regularly ate asian food since I am asian.

 

Now I am a real vegetable.

I want to try NAD this time. I don't think I can do otherwise.

That woman, in her log said that it took her 7 weeks to have a good moment and stabilized after 3 months .

She tapered 12.5mg in 2 years, whcih I think is really fast

 

Did you have morning cortisol surge during your taper?

 

It's been 6 years since I tapered Paxil so it's hard to remember but I know it was while I was holding after re-instating after my CT and I was suffering all kinds of sx from that. So if I had sx it was probably mixed with my other sxs and I just didn't know it. I went through what you're going thro now and even worst. I was so glad I found BB and had people who encouraged me and told me it was normal. You too will get better over time.

 

I don't know that much about NAD although it's in my multi. I know it's a co-factor for metabolism but what exactly it does idk.

 

Yes I has morning cortisol surges when I first started tapering. Not only morning but all day long. Sometimes all I could do was to pace the house all day. They seemed to have gone away after I started micro tapering and holding.

 

Jasmine, how long since you tapered the Lexapro? I spend four long years with my last lexapro taper (that was the second). It was horrible. In that time, I spent a lot of time in lexapro support groups. There were quite a number of people who had tapered and were suddenly hit with post acute withdrawals after six, seven months. That was a very common mark: six seven months. For some people it was more. I finished my lexapro tapero in April 2019, and to this day, I know some of my sxs are lexapro wd, not only benzo wd. Just a thought, in case it wasn't just the MSG that caused your setback, in case it could be also the lexapro.

[[va...]]

Hi jwl,

That's interesting what you said. I definitely think we are healing while we hold or taper. I think because we feel almost or somewhat stable on the dose we are on now. I cant imagine being ever sx free like I was before the wd started. I'm not even sure why it happened. I started taking less and less them crazy sx. But for close to 16 yrs I had no problems. I did relapse drinking and I quit then after few months later I got hit. I started reading about it and I was terrified. Maybe I did it to myself, maybe if I didnt read about it I wouldn't have freaked out. Idk. I think of that sometimes too. The whole thing baffles me. I think about it all the time.

 

Hi Suzy! I had to go way back to find a post of yours. I'm trying to catch up a little. Oh, wouldn't it be nice, to have our brain back one day, and our health? Let's not lose hope. You seem to be doing great with that gabapentin cut my friend. I'm jealous. I'd mention cutting to my psych dr. but he's very grandiose and as he introduced it he will not want any ideas from me about "his" med. Imagine: absolutely everyone takes the gabapentin 3 times a day, the prospect says you need to take it three times a day, vademecum says to take it three times a day. So I suggest to him that why don't I spread my doses three times a day (I'd need a prescription for the 200 mgs instead of the 300 mgs), and he totally dismisses it, when it's in every single source of information you can find about gabapentin. Really, some people and their narcissism...  And I'm sticking to him because with all his flaws (and trust me he has many), he's by far the best I found on my compulsive obsessive dr search last summer, so imagine the rest.  I'm glad you're doing so well with that gabapentin cut.

[[va...]]

Gingermint I'm sorry you have this too. Do these periods last very long for you? This started for me about two months ago. I used to have more fear. Now the fear has some what diminished although it's still there, and I'm blessed with this new symptom.

 

Sometimes it will last all day.  Sometimes I feel great and it will come on very quickly often accompanied by head pressure.  Then I may go days or weeks without and it will resurface again.  In 2018 I did  seven month hold and it and all wd sx went away until I started to taper again.

 

It is common for sx to come and go, be replaced by different sx and then resurface much later.  It's a crap shoot.  I just read an article by a doctor in the UK.  He said it takes the brain and CNS two years to heal after all of the drug is out of your body,  but that generally every month gets a bit better.  Of course this could vary person to person.  G

 

Gingerming I tried to answer to this post a few days ago and my phone just made it impossible. OK thanks for the input. Funny enough, the past two days I had almost no dizziness, when I already thought it would never leave. And what you say is the same for me: first the head pressure and immediately the dizzines, as if one were the consequence of the other. It must be the brain trying to fix things in there, right? I also held seven months. I definitely got better but no way did all the symptoms go away in those seven months. Of course I came from a terrible benzo crash, perhaps I should've held a year or even two, like Olive and Jwl have done.  Gingermint I hope you're feeling better and able to work out in your garden. I don't have a garden but it seems like such a nice thing to do and out in nature. About one of the most real things we can do in this unreal world we have today. So much screentime is driving us all crazy. What do you grow in your garden? The way the world is heading, I wish I had a house off grid with an orchard and a few animals and a well. I don't trust this system anymore.

[[va...]]

Mary I’ve been looking for your posts to see what happened with that dr. appointment. I think the heart is fine? I really hope so. I’m also very glad that you found a med that helps with the reflux. I wonder how your knees and back are doing lately? Are you still planning to hold for a year? Frankly, if you notice any improvement in your muscle stiffness with a one-two month hold, I would personally give it much longer to see how much better you can get. What’s the point of tapering if it takes our life away? Just my opinion, I understand the urge of wanting to get on a lower dose too. You’ll do what’s right for you.

 

Kitsune, every time I see your signature and how low a dose you’re on I feel so jealous. I hope your sxs keep getting better and better and I also hope you’re enjoying life with that little angel you’ve been blessed with.

 

Olive Kitty I’m sure you’re out doing fun stuff and living the benzo free life.

 

I’m sure I’ll forget someone but it’s because now there’s so many of us so please don’t take it personally ok? Sending love to Trotshetter, GILLYBLOSSOM, Stutt, NJ Strength, Nova, Blue, and all the friends in the LHSG.

 

[[Tr...]]

ThanK you trishy for your last post

It is good to know that people felt better as they held

 

I can't believe how bad is my pms

I hope I won't be this bad as long as I am.not tapering.

I will never visit other part of BB. This is the safe space to be. Although i.might be the worst case in this group right now.

Any time Jasmine. You will get better with time. I got worse during my hold then turned a corner and gradually got better and better. Don't forget benzos have a lag time in wd. Previous cuts during a hold catch up to you during the hold. It's like climbing one side of a mountain and coming down the other side. While you're climbing up the benzo  mountain during a hold you feel like it's getting harder and harder and then you crest or reach the top and things turn around. You start coming down the other side feeling better and better until you stabalize. Just hang in there and don't give up on the hold. Please forget the word tolerance it doesn't apply to what you're going through right now.    :smitten:

[[Tr...]]

Very well said Trishy!!!  👏👏👏

Thank you V! So good to see you posting again. I haven't been on that much lately. Just a post or two a day then I usually get off. I'm dealing with some pots sxs from the last cut I made so I'm just riding it out. Other than that I keep myself busy. I hope you and your daughter are well.

So I read you have a beautiful singing voice. I wish I did 🙄 but that doesn't stop me from belting out a tune if I'm in the mood to do so  :laugh:

Take care V! 😘❤️

[[Tr...]]

Trishy,

 

You hit the nail on the head.  I agree completely. G.

:smitten:

[[ja...]]

ThanK you trishy for your last post

It is good to know that people felt better as they held

 

I can't believe how bad is my pms

I hope I won't be this bad as long as I am.not tapering.

I will never visit other part of BB. This is the safe space to be. Although i.might be the worst case in this group right now.

Any time Jasmine. You will get better with time. I got worse during my hold then turned a corner and gradually got better and better. Don't forget benzos have a lag time in wd. Previous cuts during a hold catch up to you during the hold. It's like climbing one side of a mountain and coming down the other side. While you're climbing up the benzo  mountain during a hold you feel like it's getting harder and harder and then you crest or reach the top and things turn around. You start coming down the other side feeling better and better until you stabalize. Just hang in there and don't give up on the hold. Please forget the word tolerance it doesn't apply to what you're going through right now.    :smitten:

 

Trishy,

Thank you so much for the re assurance .

I was telling my husband that I didn't understand what was happening to me. I was able to shop, drive, cook and clean until.last week. Then the dizziness hit and now I am.bed bound shaking the whole day from morning to 6pm.

I feel pernanently damaged and will.never find calm and peace only when i sleep. It has gotten better though. 2 days ago was bad enough. I had heart palpitations on top of it.I read on the pms support board that this is pretty common to have more intense periods during withdrawal.

 

Do.any.of you experience this? Even when in hold?